People Share Their Most Epic Craigslist Personals Section Adventures[rebelmouse-image 18356534 is_animated_gif=
The Craigslist personals section has given life to some incredibly entertaining stories about how people come together for various reasons and events. Whether it be for a little romance, to party, or to get it on, the personals section on Craigslist has manifested experiences you couldn't find in many other places. Recently, Craigslist has announced that they are terminating the section, which inspired everyone to share their most memorable moments.
In honor of Craigslist shutting down their personals section, what is your favorite Craigslist story?
Buckle your seat belts, you are in for a raunchy and entertaining ride.
When you get more than you bargained for[rebelmouse-image 18356535 is_animated_gif=
Had a Halo LAN party in Burlington Iowa and only posted the ad on craigslist. It wasn't really planned, it was just something we thought up. We said "Bring your xbox 360, a TV, and an extension cord. $100 cash prize" We rented the gym of a church and set up a couple tables thinking maybe 10 people would show up. People from Indiana drove 3 and a half hours just to play. There was probably 150 people there, and we were there for 14 hours. It was a huge clusterf* in regards to keeping score, but once enough people left, it wasn't too bad.
When you are so rich you just keep the box[rebelmouse-image 18356536 is_animated_gif=
November 2007 my friend found a guy giving away a brand new Xbox 360 with all the fixin's along with Halo 3 and the usual sports games. All you had to do was pick it up for the price of $0.00. He figured he had nothing to lose because it was in a nice part of town. Turns out there was a catch.
The man wanted to keep all the boxes and packing for the console and games because he was going to give his son coal for Christmas. My buddy didn't ask why but said the guy's face and tone told him the kid must have deserved it.
We played a lot of Halo 3 but sometimes I still imagine how that kid felt on Christmas morning.
Fulfilling the childhood fantasy[rebelmouse-image 18356537 is_animated_gif=
On a whim, I decided to look up if anyone was selling any legos nearby, in an effort to make 10 year old me's dream of owning a ton of legos come true.
So I'm scrolling through, some of it is old bricks, some are half sets or single sets usually over priced, and then I see a guy selling what looks like a good sized lot for $120. Some of its new, some a few years older, but definitely a bargain for that price. I reached out to the seller, and he said he already had someone interested (add was only up for 45 minutes) but that they hadn't given him a solid answer, so I told him I'd definitely buy the lot if her could wait a couple days to meet up for it, and he agrees.
So a couple night later we meet up in a parking lot, exchange pleasantries, and get to the transaction. He starts by pulling out a Rubbermaid full of legos, then a second one, then a third, then a bunch or shoe boxes and unopened sets! As I'm loading these up, I pulled out a random set and saw a police station from a few years early that started at $120, so I've already made an equal purchase. I drive a PT, and with the back seats down, he filled the back 2/3rds of my car up to my shoulders!
He had no idea how much these were worth, just figured he was selling his kids' toys to another dad for their kids. All in all, it was probably about $2,000 base value of legos I got that day. It was a good day.
When you took a chance and it worked out[rebelmouse-image 18353198 is_animated_gif=
Was getting kicked out of a house due to the landlord deciding that his son and friends were gonna take over the house when the lease was up. I was panicking because I didn't have a lot of money to get a new place. I put up one of those "room wanted" ads and got the usual scam emails and a few other hits, but then got an email that sounded too good to be true. Guy owned his house, rented out two bedrooms for a very good price, and had one open up due to a tenant moving out.
I was cautiously optimistic because Craigslist is what it is, but it ended up being a perfect landing spot. Three years later, I still live there and the homeowner is like family to me now. I know most people will tell you never to find roommates on Craigslist, but it worked out for me.
Who doesn't want a naked chef?[rebelmouse-image 18356539 is_animated_gif=
My mother was scrolling through Craigslist, as she usually does to see if her old lazy-ass f* of a landlord put his apartment up for sale yet (the apartment we used to live in), and she came across an ad where a man would come naked, to your house, and cook you dinner.
Not do the sex. Not make out. Just come, and cook you dinner.
I burst out laughing when a friend of mine sent me the same ad via email. It was so outright ridiculous I just could not fathom it.
If someone fell for it, I bet you 100% this man f* them after.
When you turn into a therapist for your trick[rebelmouse-image 18356540 is_animated_gif=
Whaaaat? They shut it down? This is news to me... I've had a blast using CL Personals over the years.
I got chatting to a girl through there a couple of years back, we met up once for a drink, second time for a movie and third time for dinner at my place. We finished the meal and I invited her into my room, but I noticed she was in an awkward position on the bed, like she wasn't getting comfortable, her legs were dangling off the side. Thought she was feeling uneasy about it so I toned down our makeout session but she insisted I keep going.
Still, she stayed in this super weird position and wasn't laying down straight. I told her to relax and reassured her it was ok to get comfortable. It was then that she broke down and confided in me that she had a phobia of putting her feet on anything she doesn't own. Wtf? Come to think of it, she didn't take her shoes off until she entered my room and her feet never touched the bed, it definitely explained the weird leg-dangling position she was in.
All romance came to an end and I changed into therapist mode. She told me an ex-roommate once bought a foot cushion for their living room but she could never bring herself to rest her feet on it purely because she didn't own it. Kicked her roommate out shortly after that. She knew it was an odd phobia to have but she simply couldn't overcome it.
Needless to say we never went any further that night aside from some cuddling & consolation. Never saw her again but I often wonder how she's doing.
Oh Craigslist... those were the good old days, you were the best.
When you find your job on Craigslist[rebelmouse-image 18356541 is_animated_gif=
Answered an advert for booth girls at a comic con.
Worked for the same guy for over a year and became friends with another booth girl he hired.
After a while, the other booth girl mentioned her other job - she indulges various fetishes professionally. Asked if this is something I'd be interested in, since she knew I hated my day job and was pretty consistently broke.
I was like,you make HOW MUCH per hour doing this?? Sign me the f up!!'
When you put your skills to work[rebelmouse-image 18356542 is_animated_gif=
When I was 19 I met some millionaire in London who was staying in a hotel room the size of a two-story house. First we had a chat and a glass of vodka/redbull. He appeared as the kind of person who was unable to form deeper connections to others - partly because he travelled a lot, partly because he was pretty self-absorbed - and compensated for the lack of meaningful emotional altruism in his life by just giving random people money and favours!
Catfish Penpal[rebelmouse-image 18356543 is_animated_gif=
I was a student from New York studying abroad. I was painfully, painfully lonely and felt that I wanted an escape from my life that didn't involve anyone from London or any of my friends from home. I tried to find a pen pal on Craigslist by posting in the Strictly Platonic section in California, as I didn't want to talk to any British people and wasn't interested in speaking to people on the East Coast. I suppose it was clear from my post that I was a woman. I tried again asking only for emails from women. Again, more really creepy emails from men. Finally, I found a Strictly Platonic ad from a middle-aged man looking for another man to email back and forth because he didn't have friends and wanted someone to talk to.
He seemed like an interesting guy, so I changed the name on the email I use for Craigslist (a throwaway email) so that it said an obviously manly name instead of my clearly feminine one. I sent him a long email and he responded back. We clicked immediately-- we had a lot to talk about, were both clearly super f** lonely, and both had a love for fish.
This correspondence goes on for a while without a hitch. There were a few hiccups, as I would sometimes send emails in the middle of the night because of the UK/US time difference, but he assumed I was just up late studying. At one point, I forgot my fake name but I was able to play it off by saying that I had a different given name, but everyone called me the other name as a nickname.
The man began discussing his life as a single gay male serving as a caretaker for his mother. His brother was also gay, but he was married and the guy I was emailing clearly had a lot of weird feelings about it. I'm a queer woman, so I was able to relate to a lot of what he said. We had a lot of interesting talks about theology and sexuality, our upbringings and how they informed our lives as ~gay people, and the uncomfortable family dynamics we both enjoyed. Over a few months, we become really close. We email several times every day, often sharing links to cool things we've read and even exchanging pictures of interesting things we're seeing (with me being careful not to reveal that I was in England). It was incredibly cathartic to connect with someone else like this, even if the person I was communicating with believed that I was also a gay young man.
UNTIL ONE DAY. This guy sends me a long email professing his love for this fictional person I've fabricated, asking me to please come to visit him on the West Coast to start our lives together. At this point, I know this guy pretty well and I know it's a big deal for him to ask someone to do something like that for him. I didn't really know what to do. Of course I'd lied to him about a lot of the aesthetics of who I was, but I also truly felt a connection with him and genuinely cared about him. I knew he was serious about how he felt. I didn't know what to do.
So I did nothing.
I logged out of the email address and I haven't logged in since. Moved back to America. No idea what happened to the guy.
And that is how I became a Catfish, thanks to the f* Strictly Platonic page on Craigslist.
The love story![rebelmouse-image 18345003 is_animated_gif=
YOU GUYS this is my moment
My mother met her husband in 2008 on craigslist in the casual encounters. They eventually fell in love and I met him 10/10/10 where he introduced us to geocaching and we went to an apple orchard. He moved in after I moved out in 2012 and has been an excellent role model for my younger sister. They got married in 2015 and I love him so much. He wrote a very touching letter to us about how Craigslist gave him a wife and two daughters. He's so corny ??
Also a roommate that we got from craigslist became one of my best friends in the entire world. I love craigslist.
When you find a sweet deal![rebelmouse-image 18356544 is_animated_gif=
This one time I got an awesome deal on a Honda CB1000.
When you find a treasure[rebelmouse-image 18356545 is_animated_gif=
This is gonna get buried, but I realized I actually do have a great Craigslist story.
I'm a musician, and back in high school I would constantly scan through Craigslist to see if there were any good deals or cool gear up for sale. I found an ad that said they had a violin in perfect condition for like $60. I had always wanted to learn violin, and I already played double bass, so how hard could it be? (Spoiler alert, harder than I anticipated. I still suck. But that's beside the point.)
I contact the guy and he says to meet him at his apartment. Now, I was naive, but I definitely was aware that this is kind of a sketchy situation. Especially after driving to the place - it was in a shady part of town, looked pretty run down, and I even heard a couple screaming at each other in one of the adjacent apartments.
I contemplated getting the hell out of there, but I had already driven all the way out to this part of town, so I said f* it and knocked on the door. It opens up, and I see a short middle eastern man who must have been 85 or 90 years old. He invites me in, and seems friendly enough, so I step inside.
I look around, and his living room walls are practically lined with string instruments. It seriously looked like hundreds in racks - violins, violas, and cellos taking up probably more than half of the apartment's space. We talk for a bit. I tell him I'm hoping to learn violin, but know basically nothing about it. He says he has the perfect one for me, and pulls down a violin from one of the many racks on the walls. I swear, it was like buying a wand from Ollivanders.
He tells me the history of the violin, shows me the details of the woodwork, and mentions that all he has left to do is secure a bridge onto it (the wooden piece that the strings rest on) if I was willing to wait for a little bit.
I say sure and have a seat on the couch across from him. For a while, we just sit and talk, as he meticulously fixes the bridge onto the body of the violin. He clearly is a master of his craft, moving slowly yet deliberately, adjusting the violin as carefully as he can. He holds the instrument as if it were his child.
He tells me his life story. He talks of growing up in Iran, meeting his wife, falling in love with stringed instruments, immigrating to the United States. He describes his children, and their passions. I end up sitting there, watching him work, chatting with him about every topic, for literally hours.
Finally, he finishes up, tunes it, and plays a quick piece to make sure it sounds good. He clearly is an excellent musician as well. He gently packs it away into a case, hands it to me, and tells me to work hard and stick with it.
What was going to be a quick afternoon purchase turned into a day-long experience getting to know a fascinating stranger, and one I will never forget. And even after all that, he sold it to me for ten bucks less than he asked for in the first place.
I really wish I remembered his name, but my memory is kind of s*, unfortunately. Regardless, that day will stay with me for a long time. Given that it was many years ago, I wouldn't be surprised if he had passed away by now...so if that's the case, rest in peace, mystery violin man.
TL;DR - What I thought would be a quick craigslist exchange at a sketchy apartment turned out to be an unforgettable day talking with a master craftsman.
When the expectations are a little too high[rebelmouse-image 18345195 is_animated_gif=
Coworker got a date on craigslist. He drove to another town to pick her up. She brought her 2 kids with her. They were 16 and 18 years old. Had him take her out to play bingo. When he ran out of money for cards, she offered to take his atm card a pull more out. He declined. She wanted something to eat so the stopped for burgers. Had to get the kids some too. When he dropped them off she told him her birthday was that weekend and asked if he would buy her a Wii.
Multiple use furniture[rebelmouse-image 18346749 is_animated_gif=
Once saw a free ad for a gynecology table. They were moving and their new living room was too small for it, so it had to go.
The fact that it was living room furniture was the weird part for me.
When you find out your husband is cheating hard[rebelmouse-image 18356546 is_animated_gif=
Bless Craigslist personals. They're what got me out of my abusive marriage finally. When you're in a relationship like that you find weird ways to rationalize everything (really my thought processes were a hot mess at that point) and I kept telling myself "Well, at least he's not cheating on me. He'd never cheat on me."
Oh no he wasn't just cheating on me, he was answering every local Craigslist personal ad and as far as I can tell hooking up with anything that had a pulse. His responses were f** gold too (one of these days I need to post them).
That was the last straw. Screen grabbed a couple of the messages so I'd have them when I went to the lawyer, packed up the car and my dog and walked out the door...and pretty much straight to my doctor's office for a complete STD panel because god knows what all he'd been up to.
But hey, I'm happily re-married now and doing all the things I missed out on in the six miserable years I spent with him. So thank you Craigslist personals for being the nail in that coffin!
The fairy tale ending against the odds[rebelmouse-image 18356547 is_animated_gif=
For the first time since I was 16, I'd broken up with my boyfriend a year earlier without a "back up" so to speak. I wanted to actually be single and figure out who I was and what I wanted, and work on myself.
So a year later I was finally debt-free, childless, and a teacher. I hadn't been on a date in a year, but I was actually interested in marriage.
I'd never heard of CL. My gf told me about it when I was looking for a couch. Eventually I saw the personals and told some teachers at my school about all the free single men!
My whole school went into meltdown and thought I was desperate. I had no idea that the CL reputation was perverts and psychos.
Against social norms.....I posted a long advert on women-seeking-men. I wrote about a day in my life, a day in my dream life, a vacation day, a good man description, etc. It was humorous but truthful. I asked for no penis pics and I included a pic of myself.
Several professional men wrote long messages back and sent pics. Some owned businesses, some were executives, some not. I had to sort through some odd responses but so many were just good guys IMO.
........I recently celebrated 10 yrs with my CL husband. I am holding my 1 month old daughter as I type this.
You could literally find anything[rebelmouse-image 18346400 is_animated_gif=
This isn't really a story, but once when scrolling threw random posts, I came across a mother who was selling her family. That included her husband and her two kids, one of which thought they were a squirrel. There were specific directions about how to get them to eat that I don't remember, but one of the steps included something along the lines of doing some dance that the mom would teach you how to do when she delivers the family.
The times it helped you grow as a person[rebelmouse-image 18356548 is_animated_gif=
I used it to successfully get laid casually. A lot.
Never caught anything either, thankfully.
I've since grown out of that and have found love, and while I still suffer some depression symptoms. It's getting better, and she is largely to thank for it.
The mystery job[rebelmouse-image 18356549 is_animated_gif=
My buddy found a "job" on Craigslist. A few days after getting "hired" his employer (who he knew nothing about) straight up sent him a check for $5,000 and a list of furniture stores around town to go, quote, "pick stuff up from". It was really sketchy and weird, so he actually ended up taking the check to the police station and they found it to be fake anyway. They called the employer who, after trying out 3-4 fake stories (all with different accents) eventually just hung up. I'll always wonder what they wanted him to do.
Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.
So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?
There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.
I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a DifferenceBlockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy
"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...toilet paper help GIFGiphy
"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spinfidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy
"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy
"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
Cut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
Not The Cool Old Guy
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
Since We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
Why Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
Real talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?
Here's an idea.
Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.
I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.
Any of these sound familiar? They probably do, and we heard all about them after Redditor lame_excuses asked the online community,
"What are some things all moms say?"
"I'll go first..."
"I'll go first: 'So if your friend jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?"
Okay, my mother did not say this, but all my friends' mothers did.
"We have fun."
"My mom always made me put on a coat when we went outside, even if I wasn't cold, simply because she was cold."
"Now that I'm an adult, she no longer tells me this but instead I complain about being cold and ask, indignantly, why no one told me to put in a coat."
"We have fun."
I want a documentary crew to follow you both around. It'd be hilarious.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
"When you lose something."
- Have you tried looking for it?
- Have you looked everywhere?
- Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
George Carlin knew what he was talking about. RIP.
"You know Glynis? She's your aunt's mother-in-law's close friend. Anyway, she died last week."
"I have eyes..."
"I have eyes in the back of my head."
"My mom used to say that to my sister and I so we wouldn't be sneaky behind her back. One day she was washing the dishes and I came up behind her with my two fingers and poked her right where I assumed her back eyes would be. She shouted, 'Ouch!' I believed her for years!!"
I was convinced of this too! Damn, my mother was good.
"I had some friends over..."
"I had some friends over when I was a teenager, and I bet them I could get my mom to say the word 'food.'"
"Hey, mom, what's for dinner?"
"Worked every time."
You both clearly planned this!
"When at the billing counter..."
"When at the billing counter every mom has the maternal instinct to say - 'Just stay in the line, I need to go grab a few more things.'"
This is my mother.
How many times have I dealt with this?!
“It’s because you didn’t drink enough water."
BUT I DO!!
"If you have siblings..."
"If you have other siblings and they’re trying to yell at you they will call you by all your other siblings' names before they get to yours. Usually starting with the oldest and working their way backwards."
Good thing my family was small!
"My Mum used to use it all the time..."
"'Soon.'" An indeterminate time frame from 5 minutes to several hours. My Mum used to use it all the time to deflect stupid questions like 'When is dinner?'"
"Answer: she always, always served it around 6 pm."
It's true! My mother would do this – and still does this. And we definitely don't eat as early as that!
Confirmed: All mothers meet for the annual mother convention to say all–and I do mean ALL–of these things to their kids.
Anything missing, though? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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