People Share Their Most Epic Craigslist Personals Section Adventures
People Share Their Most Epic Craigslist Personals Section Adventures
[rebelmouse-image 18356534 is_animated_gif=The Craigslist personals section has given life to some incredibly entertaining stories about how people come together for various reasons and events. Whether it be for a little romance, to party, or to get it on, the personals section on Craigslist has manifested experiences you couldn't find in many other places. Recently, Craigslist has announced that they are terminating the section, which inspired everyone to share their most memorable moments.
RebootOnceShakeTwice asks:
In honor of Craigslist shutting down their personals section, what is your favorite Craigslist story?
Buckle your seat belts, you are in for a raunchy and entertaining ride.
When you get more than you bargained for
[rebelmouse-image 18356535 is_animated_gif=Had a Halo LAN party in Burlington Iowa and only posted the ad on craigslist. It wasn't really planned, it was just something we thought up. We said "Bring your xbox 360, a TV, and an extension cord. $100 cash prize" We rented the gym of a church and set up a couple tables thinking maybe 10 people would show up. People from Indiana drove 3 and a half hours just to play. There was probably 150 people there, and we were there for 14 hours. It was a huge clusterf* in regards to keeping score, but once enough people left, it wasn't too bad.
When you are so rich you just keep the box
[rebelmouse-image 18356536 is_animated_gif=November 2007 my friend found a guy giving away a brand new Xbox 360 with all the fixin's along with Halo 3 and the usual sports games. All you had to do was pick it up for the price of $0.00. He figured he had nothing to lose because it was in a nice part of town. Turns out there was a catch.
The man wanted to keep all the boxes and packing for the console and games because he was going to give his son coal for Christmas. My buddy didn't ask why but said the guy's face and tone told him the kid must have deserved it.
We played a lot of Halo 3 but sometimes I still imagine how that kid felt on Christmas morning.
Fulfilling the childhood fantasy
[rebelmouse-image 18356537 is_animated_gif=On a whim, I decided to look up if anyone was selling any legos nearby, in an effort to make 10 year old me's dream of owning a ton of legos come true.
So I'm scrolling through, some of it is old bricks, some are half sets or single sets usually over priced, and then I see a guy selling what looks like a good sized lot for $120. Some of its new, some a few years older, but definitely a bargain for that price. I reached out to the seller, and he said he already had someone interested (add was only up for 45 minutes) but that they hadn't given him a solid answer, so I told him I'd definitely buy the lot if her could wait a couple days to meet up for it, and he agrees.
So a couple night later we meet up in a parking lot, exchange pleasantries, and get to the transaction. He starts by pulling out a Rubbermaid full of legos, then a second one, then a third, then a bunch or shoe boxes and unopened sets! As I'm loading these up, I pulled out a random set and saw a police station from a few years early that started at $120, so I've already made an equal purchase. I drive a PT, and with the back seats down, he filled the back 2/3rds of my car up to my shoulders!
He had no idea how much these were worth, just figured he was selling his kids' toys to another dad for their kids. All in all, it was probably about $2,000 base value of legos I got that day. It was a good day.
When you took a chance and it worked out
[rebelmouse-image 18353198 is_animated_gif=Was getting kicked out of a house due to the landlord deciding that his son and friends were gonna take over the house when the lease was up. I was panicking because I didn't have a lot of money to get a new place. I put up one of those "room wanted" ads and got the usual scam emails and a few other hits, but then got an email that sounded too good to be true. Guy owned his house, rented out two bedrooms for a very good price, and had one open up due to a tenant moving out.
I was cautiously optimistic because Craigslist is what it is, but it ended up being a perfect landing spot. Three years later, I still live there and the homeowner is like family to me now. I know most people will tell you never to find roommates on Craigslist, but it worked out for me.
Who doesn't want a naked chef?
[rebelmouse-image 18356539 is_animated_gif=My mother was scrolling through Craigslist, as she usually does to see if her old lazy-ass f* of a landlord put his apartment up for sale yet (the apartment we used to live in), and she came across an ad where a man would come naked, to your house, and cook you dinner.
Not do the sex. Not make out. Just come, and cook you dinner.
I burst out laughing when a friend of mine sent me the same ad via email. It was so outright ridiculous I just could not fathom it.
If someone fell for it, I bet you 100% this man f* them after.
When you turn into a therapist for your trick
[rebelmouse-image 18356540 is_animated_gif=Whaaaat? They shut it down? This is news to me... I've had a blast using CL Personals over the years.
I got chatting to a girl through there a couple of years back, we met up once for a drink, second time for a movie and third time for dinner at my place. We finished the meal and I invited her into my room, but I noticed she was in an awkward position on the bed, like she wasn't getting comfortable, her legs were dangling off the side. Thought she was feeling uneasy about it so I toned down our makeout session but she insisted I keep going.
Still, she stayed in this super weird position and wasn't laying down straight. I told her to relax and reassured her it was ok to get comfortable. It was then that she broke down and confided in me that she had a phobia of putting her feet on anything she doesn't own. Wtf? Come to think of it, she didn't take her shoes off until she entered my room and her feet never touched the bed, it definitely explained the weird leg-dangling position she was in.
All romance came to an end and I changed into therapist mode. She told me an ex-roommate once bought a foot cushion for their living room but she could never bring herself to rest her feet on it purely because she didn't own it. Kicked her roommate out shortly after that. She knew it was an odd phobia to have but she simply couldn't overcome it.
Needless to say we never went any further that night aside from some cuddling & consolation. Never saw her again but I often wonder how she's doing.
Oh Craigslist... those were the good old days, you were the best.
When you find your job on Craigslist
[rebelmouse-image 18356541 is_animated_gif=Answered an advert for booth girls at a comic con.
Worked for the same guy for over a year and became friends with another booth girl he hired.
After a while, the other booth girl mentioned her other job - she indulges various fetishes professionally. Asked if this is something I'd be interested in, since she knew I hated my day job and was pretty consistently broke.
I was like,you make HOW MUCH per hour doing this?? Sign me the f up!!'
When you put your skills to work
[rebelmouse-image 18356542 is_animated_gif=When I was 19 I met some millionaire in London who was staying in a hotel room the size of a two-story house. First we had a chat and a glass of vodka/redbull. He appeared as the kind of person who was unable to form deeper connections to others - partly because he travelled a lot, partly because he was pretty self-absorbed - and compensated for the lack of meaningful emotional altruism in his life by just giving random people money and favours!
Catfish Penpal
[rebelmouse-image 18356543 is_animated_gif=I was a student from New York studying abroad. I was painfully, painfully lonely and felt that I wanted an escape from my life that didn't involve anyone from London or any of my friends from home. I tried to find a pen pal on Craigslist by posting in the Strictly Platonic section in California, as I didn't want to talk to any British people and wasn't interested in speaking to people on the East Coast. I suppose it was clear from my post that I was a woman. I tried again asking only for emails from women. Again, more really creepy emails from men. Finally, I found a Strictly Platonic ad from a middle-aged man looking for another man to email back and forth because he didn't have friends and wanted someone to talk to.
He seemed like an interesting guy, so I changed the name on the email I use for Craigslist (a throwaway email) so that it said an obviously manly name instead of my clearly feminine one. I sent him a long email and he responded back. We clicked immediately-- we had a lot to talk about, were both clearly super f** lonely, and both had a love for fish.
This correspondence goes on for a while without a hitch. There were a few hiccups, as I would sometimes send emails in the middle of the night because of the UK/US time difference, but he assumed I was just up late studying. At one point, I forgot my fake name but I was able to play it off by saying that I had a different given name, but everyone called me the other name as a nickname.
The man began discussing his life as a single gay male serving as a caretaker for his mother. His brother was also gay, but he was married and the guy I was emailing clearly had a lot of weird feelings about it. I'm a queer woman, so I was able to relate to a lot of what he said. We had a lot of interesting talks about theology and sexuality, our upbringings and how they informed our lives as ~gay people, and the uncomfortable family dynamics we both enjoyed. Over a few months, we become really close. We email several times every day, often sharing links to cool things we've read and even exchanging pictures of interesting things we're seeing (with me being careful not to reveal that I was in England). It was incredibly cathartic to connect with someone else like this, even if the person I was communicating with believed that I was also a gay young man.
UNTIL ONE DAY. This guy sends me a long email professing his love for this fictional person I've fabricated, asking me to please come to visit him on the West Coast to start our lives together. At this point, I know this guy pretty well and I know it's a big deal for him to ask someone to do something like that for him. I didn't really know what to do. Of course I'd lied to him about a lot of the aesthetics of who I was, but I also truly felt a connection with him and genuinely cared about him. I knew he was serious about how he felt. I didn't know what to do.
So I did nothing.
I logged out of the email address and I haven't logged in since. Moved back to America. No idea what happened to the guy.
And that is how I became a Catfish, thanks to the f* Strictly Platonic page on Craigslist.
The love story!
[rebelmouse-image 18345003 is_animated_gif=YOU GUYS this is my moment
My mother met her husband in 2008 on craigslist in the casual encounters. They eventually fell in love and I met him 10/10/10 where he introduced us to geocaching and we went to an apple orchard. He moved in after I moved out in 2012 and has been an excellent role model for my younger sister. They got married in 2015 and I love him so much. He wrote a very touching letter to us about how Craigslist gave him a wife and two daughters. He's so corny ??
Also a roommate that we got from craigslist became one of my best friends in the entire world. I love craigslist.
When you find a sweet deal!
[rebelmouse-image 18356544 is_animated_gif=This one time I got an awesome deal on a Honda CB1000.
When you find a treasure
[rebelmouse-image 18356545 is_animated_gif=This is gonna get buried, but I realized I actually do have a great Craigslist story.
I'm a musician, and back in high school I would constantly scan through Craigslist to see if there were any good deals or cool gear up for sale. I found an ad that said they had a violin in perfect condition for like $60. I had always wanted to learn violin, and I already played double bass, so how hard could it be? (Spoiler alert, harder than I anticipated. I still suck. But that's beside the point.)
I contact the guy and he says to meet him at his apartment. Now, I was naive, but I definitely was aware that this is kind of a sketchy situation. Especially after driving to the place - it was in a shady part of town, looked pretty run down, and I even heard a couple screaming at each other in one of the adjacent apartments.
I contemplated getting the hell out of there, but I had already driven all the way out to this part of town, so I said f* it and knocked on the door. It opens up, and I see a short middle eastern man who must have been 85 or 90 years old. He invites me in, and seems friendly enough, so I step inside.
I look around, and his living room walls are practically lined with string instruments. It seriously looked like hundreds in racks - violins, violas, and cellos taking up probably more than half of the apartment's space. We talk for a bit. I tell him I'm hoping to learn violin, but know basically nothing about it. He says he has the perfect one for me, and pulls down a violin from one of the many racks on the walls. I swear, it was like buying a wand from Ollivanders.
He tells me the history of the violin, shows me the details of the woodwork, and mentions that all he has left to do is secure a bridge onto it (the wooden piece that the strings rest on) if I was willing to wait for a little bit.
I say sure and have a seat on the couch across from him. For a while, we just sit and talk, as he meticulously fixes the bridge onto the body of the violin. He clearly is a master of his craft, moving slowly yet deliberately, adjusting the violin as carefully as he can. He holds the instrument as if it were his child.
He tells me his life story. He talks of growing up in Iran, meeting his wife, falling in love with stringed instruments, immigrating to the United States. He describes his children, and their passions. I end up sitting there, watching him work, chatting with him about every topic, for literally hours.
Finally, he finishes up, tunes it, and plays a quick piece to make sure it sounds good. He clearly is an excellent musician as well. He gently packs it away into a case, hands it to me, and tells me to work hard and stick with it.
What was going to be a quick afternoon purchase turned into a day-long experience getting to know a fascinating stranger, and one I will never forget. And even after all that, he sold it to me for ten bucks less than he asked for in the first place.
I really wish I remembered his name, but my memory is kind of s*, unfortunately. Regardless, that day will stay with me for a long time. Given that it was many years ago, I wouldn't be surprised if he had passed away by now...so if that's the case, rest in peace, mystery violin man.
TL;DR - What I thought would be a quick craigslist exchange at a sketchy apartment turned out to be an unforgettable day talking with a master craftsman.
When the expectations are a little too high
[rebelmouse-image 18345195 is_animated_gif=Coworker got a date on craigslist. He drove to another town to pick her up. She brought her 2 kids with her. They were 16 and 18 years old. Had him take her out to play bingo. When he ran out of money for cards, she offered to take his atm card a pull more out. He declined. She wanted something to eat so the stopped for burgers. Had to get the kids some too. When he dropped them off she told him her birthday was that weekend and asked if he would buy her a Wii.
Multiple use furniture
[rebelmouse-image 18346749 is_animated_gif=Once saw a free ad for a gynecology table. They were moving and their new living room was too small for it, so it had to go.
The fact that it was living room furniture was the weird part for me.
When you find out your husband is cheating hard
[rebelmouse-image 18356546 is_animated_gif=Bless Craigslist personals. They're what got me out of my abusive marriage finally. When you're in a relationship like that you find weird ways to rationalize everything (really my thought processes were a hot mess at that point) and I kept telling myself "Well, at least he's not cheating on me. He'd never cheat on me."
Oh no he wasn't just cheating on me, he was answering every local Craigslist personal ad and as far as I can tell hooking up with anything that had a pulse. His responses were f** gold too (one of these days I need to post them).
That was the last straw. Screen grabbed a couple of the messages so I'd have them when I went to the lawyer, packed up the car and my dog and walked out the door...and pretty much straight to my doctor's office for a complete STD panel because god knows what all he'd been up to.
But hey, I'm happily re-married now and doing all the things I missed out on in the six miserable years I spent with him. So thank you Craigslist personals for being the nail in that coffin!
The fairy tale ending against the odds
[rebelmouse-image 18356547 is_animated_gif=For the first time since I was 16, I'd broken up with my boyfriend a year earlier without a "back up" so to speak. I wanted to actually be single and figure out who I was and what I wanted, and work on myself.
So a year later I was finally debt-free, childless, and a teacher. I hadn't been on a date in a year, but I was actually interested in marriage.
I'd never heard of CL. My gf told me about it when I was looking for a couch. Eventually I saw the personals and told some teachers at my school about all the free single men!
My whole school went into meltdown and thought I was desperate. I had no idea that the CL reputation was perverts and psychos.
Against social norms.....I posted a long advert on women-seeking-men. I wrote about a day in my life, a day in my dream life, a vacation day, a good man description, etc. It was humorous but truthful. I asked for no penis pics and I included a pic of myself.
Several professional men wrote long messages back and sent pics. Some owned businesses, some were executives, some not. I had to sort through some odd responses but so many were just good guys IMO.
........I recently celebrated 10 yrs with my CL husband. I am holding my 1 month old daughter as I type this.
You could literally find anything
[rebelmouse-image 18346400 is_animated_gif=This isn't really a story, but once when scrolling threw random posts, I came across a mother who was selling her family. That included her husband and her two kids, one of which thought they were a squirrel. There were specific directions about how to get them to eat that I don't remember, but one of the steps included something along the lines of doing some dance that the mom would teach you how to do when she delivers the family.
The times it helped you grow as a person
[rebelmouse-image 18356548 is_animated_gif=I used it to successfully get laid casually. A lot.
Never caught anything either, thankfully.
I've since grown out of that and have found love, and while I still suffer some depression symptoms. It's getting better, and she is largely to thank for it.
The mystery job
[rebelmouse-image 18356549 is_animated_gif=My buddy found a "job" on Craigslist. A few days after getting "hired" his employer (who he knew nothing about) straight up sent him a check for $5,000 and a list of furniture stores around town to go, quote, "pick stuff up from". It was really sketchy and weird, so he actually ended up taking the check to the police station and they found it to be fake anyway. They called the employer who, after trying out 3-4 fake stories (all with different accents) eventually just hung up. I'll always wonder what they wanted him to do.
With so many couples walking up the aisle—and then sprinting to the courthouse—there’s no shortage of wacky divorce stories. No one knows that better than these divorce lawyers. From hidden fortunes to stuffed animal collections, divorce lawyers have seen it all. Attorney-client privilege or not, these stories are just too insane not to share…
Ashes To Ashes
round grey stainless steel saucer on brown wooden surfacePhoto by Brooks Rice on UnsplashI had a husband and wife go toe-to-toe over an ashtray they got in Las Vegas. The couple spent nearly $5,000 for me and another attorney to duke it out in court over the silly trinket. Prior to proceeding, I explained that it would be cheaper to fly me to Vegas and get an identical ashtray. The husband said he didn't care about the costs—and his reasons were deeply malicious.
It turns out that the husband had other intentions for their marriage memorabilia. When he won, he smashed the ashtray on the steps of the courthouse. He laughed and said the look on his wife’s face was worth much more than $2,500. People get crazy in divorce proceedings.
Until The Grave Do Us Part
I wouldn't recommend it, but one of the best ways to stick it to your ex is to kick the can during a messy divorce. In my client's case, the court had orally declared a couple to be divorced. Sadly, before they could finalize the official paperwork, the husband went to his grave. The courts spent two years figuring out how to proceed and made a divisive decision…
The court decided that the wife had to divide everything 50/50 with her deceased husband. And to think, if he had passed two weeks sooner, she would have avoided years of court hearings, thousands in fees, and kept everything for herself.
I’ll Never Let You Go…To The Marriott Hotel
My aunt has been divorced for quite some time, but you wouldn’t know it. She’s still driving her attorney crazy with her requests. Most recently, she took her ex-husband to court. Her motive was ridiculous. She wanted to know where he was working and when, all so that she could have her private investigator keep an eye on him and his new girlfriend.
She should have just let it go…she got the house, the kids, the boat, and even the Marriott International points.
“X” Marks The Spot…
I worked a divorce case that went to trial. The parties owned a business together, which they started during the marriage and which was their sole source of income. Obviously, the biggest issue was who was going to keep the business. While the divorce proceeded, the General Magistrate ordered my client to keep running the business and to pay the wife temporary alimony. If only it had ended then.
At trial, we went in front of a judge instead of the General Magistrate. This judge was older with poor memory and was fairly new to family law. She ended up giving the wife the business and ordering my client to pay the wife alimony! How is someone supposed to pay alimony if you take away their only source of income for the last 10 years?
I filed a motion for rehearing but the judge denied it. As if that was bad enough, do you want to know the cherry on top of this triple-layered divorce cake? The judge awarded my client his home that he had inherited from his grandmother. The wife had been living in there during the divorce proceedings, and the judge gave her 30 days to move out.
Well, she stayed until the last possible day. When my client went back to the home, the wife had completely destroyed the inside. She took a screw driver and scratched an “X” on the surface of all of the furniture and the walls. My client ended up leaving the country.
I’m Giving You The Cold Shoulder
I once represented one party in a divorce. While the divorce proceedings were on-going, the couple still lived together pending the sale of their family home. But just because they lived together did not mean that they were on speaking terms. In fact, they would not speak to one another for any reason whatsoever. Things were so bad that I even had to negotiate terms for sharing refrigerator space.
Don’t Be A Baby, Baby
white and brown bear plush toysPhoto by MChe Lee on UnsplashThe court ordered this couple, who had been divorced for four months, to divide up their Beanie Baby Collection, valued somewhere between $2,500 and $5000…and they were seemingly unable to do so by themselves. The couple spread out the collection on the floor and divided up one by one under the supervision of a Family Court Judge.
The Couple That Divorces Together, Stays Together
I worked as a courtroom clerk when I was in college. A couple filing for divorce were arguing over custody of their son. I thought it would be the normal "I won’t let you see him,” and name-calling nonsense, but I was in for a surprise. The mom wanted the dad to spend more time during the holidays together—all three of them. But the dad had demands of his own…
The dad in this strange divorce proceeding wanted the same thing as his maybe-ex-wife. He also wanted the family to spend more time together…just more frequently. The couple ended up reconciling and agreed to couples’ therapy before the divorce procedure went further. They came back a month later to withdraw the divorce proceeding. All is well that ends well.
Cleaning House
My friend is a divorce lawyer. They had a client whose former spouse brutally attacked them. Apparently, the former spouse blamed the divorce attorney for “taking him to the cleaners” in the divorce. The worst part is that the lawyer was at the grocery store doing his weekly food shopping with his wife and kids during the attack.
The Honeymoon That Never Ends
I represented the husband in a divorce. During the proceedings, we tried to get the court to eliminate his spousal support obligations. His wife, however, insisted that she needed the support…and wait until you hear why. The whole process took way longer than it should have because his wife was taking vacations to Mexico at least once every month.
The Wedding Photographer
I represented the husband in a divorce. On the day of the trial, opposing counsel presented shocking evidence. The wife’s attorneys produced photographs that they claimed proved adultery. The photos were of my client, the husband, wearing lingerie and a long brown wig, engaging in act of intimacy with another man. I was able to successfully exclude this from evidence...because the wife was the photographer.
And…The Honeymoon Is Over
woman signing on white printer paper beside woman about to touch the documentsPhoto by Gabrielle Henderson on UnsplashI worked for a law firm while in college. We had a client who had just come home from a two-week vacation with his wife. But she wasn’t going to be his wife for much longer. As soon as they pulled into the driveway, his wife’s lawyers served him with divorce papers and a temporary restraining order. His wife didn't say a word and just went into their house.
The poor guy came straight to our office and was massively confused. What happened on that vacation?
Please Play Nice
My first trial. My client’s husband was suing her for divorce. Her soon-to-be ex-husband was alleging habitual cruelty and inhumane treatment. When I heard what he had to say, my jaw-dropped. I had to agree with him. Her husband was claiming that she had grabbed him in a sensitive area really, really hard and hurt him on purpose.
What’s more, I had to cross examine him about it. Awkward.
Call Me, Maybe?
I had a client whose soon-to-be-ex-husband used her email address and phone number to sign her up for every bank, loan, religious, mental illness, and adult site he could think of. These companies bombarded her about their products and services. He even put out her information on Craigslist. The joke was on him though…she actually went out with a guy who contacted her!
Grab Your Pitchforks…
I’ve been a divorce lawyer for more than 20 years, so I've seen it all. I once represented a husband divorcing his wife of over 35 years. At mediation, they divided up about a half million in assets within 30 minutes—and then things went south. They spent the next two and half hours fighting over a couple of hurricane glasses from Pat O'Brien's and a pitchfork.
$1,000 in attorney fees later, they settled…and then got remarried anyway.
40 Acres And A Whole Lot Of Revenge
I knew a wealthy land owner who went to some extreme lengths to get even after a divorce. He lost his home to his ex-wife in the divorce proceedings but kept his trump card. He was able to keep the rest of the undeveloped neighborhood land and turned it into an industrial park. In other words, he surrounded his ex-wife’s huge house with a ton of factories.
Run Away Wife
man in red and white checkered dress shirt wearing black fedora hatPhoto by Andres Siimon on UnsplashMy uncle is a divorce lawyer, but not a very good one. He represented a couple who had recently started getting into some problems. The wife had had enough of married life and just left one night. Her husband was through with her since she left, and went to my uncle for a divorce. My uncle agreed but he kept delaying because he had plans of his own.
While my uncle stalled the husband, he came up with an ingenious plan. He did what he knew was in everyone’s best interest. My uncle hired a private investigator to search for the missing wife. Fortunately, he eventually found her and talked her into going back to her husband. Things worked out in the end…but my uncle might be the worst divorce lawyer in the country.
Sharing Marriages Makes For Caring Marriages
How much time do you have? Over the course of my career, I’ve seen nearly a dozen wife-swaps. And it’s just as weird as it sounds. Usually, the husband will cheat on his wife with his friend’s wife. This causes a divorce for both parties, and their respective spouses (wife of first party and husband of second) end up getting together. Happens quite often for whatever reason.
Divorce, The Family Game
I saw a mother and father live together during a divorce and fight over the location of their children’s Xbox and Wii. At first, the gaming consoles were in the family living room. The father then put the consoles in his bedroom so that the children would spend all of their time in his bedroom. The mother literally went to court to have the Xbox and Wii returned to the living room. They spent thousands on this.
Debarred And Divorced
I'm not a lawyer, but I’ve got a story about one. There was a case in which a man found out that his wife was having an affair. Heartbroken, the man found a divorce lawyer. In court, the husband learned a brutal truth. His lawyer was the man his wife was having the affair with. Of course, the lawyer got his license taken away after that.
Off To Sunny Mexico
I’m a family law paralegal. We had a client whose husband had taken her kids on an unscheduled bus trip to Mexico. We expedited everything. I went above and beyond for this woman—even contacting attorneys in the deep south of Mexico and writing out very clear instructions to get back her kids. As it turns out, our client was no victim.
This woman had physically accosted her husband because he confronted her about sleeping with his brother. Now you see why the husband packed up and took the kids.
The Most Expensive Therapy Ever
potato chips in bowlPhoto by Emiliano Vittoriosi on UnsplashMy client (the husband) was living in the same house as his wife throughout the divorce proceedings. He'd call me and complain about things like: his wife ate a bag of chips and didn't replace it, she invited one of her friends over who he disliked, she binged watched TV instead of fixing dinner, etc., etc. He paid me $250/hour for the privilege of venting over the phone to an attorney.
Why So Salty?
One of my father's friends tried to “salt the earth” before getting divorced. He transferred the deeds to a rental house and a cabin to relatives and sold the family cars to relatives for tiny sums…and he was just getting started. He put stocks in a trust “for the children” and vanished a chunk of cash from the company he co-owned with his wife.
He even stopped paying himself a salary, electing to burn through their personal savings for over a year instead. Well, he might have salted the earth but he was in for just desserts. When the divorce proceedings went to court, he learned that judges really, really hate it when you try to play dirty games. Turns out that hiding or intentionally diminishing assets is actually not a good idea.
In fact, judges will absolutely refer you to prosecutors. I don't think that he spent time behind bars, but his ex-wife did get everything, plus the satisfaction of firing him from his own company.
Let’s Break Up The Bank
A friend of mine is a divorce lawyer. His favorite story is the time that the husband in a bitter divorce said that he would “out-lawyer” his wife and break the bank before giving her anything she wanted. He said this in front of my friend, her lawyer. My friend looks at the wife and says, "I'm working for you pro bono (free) from this moment forward."
Think About The Children
I took a domestic relations class run by a retired judge who told us a few good stories. My favorite was a story where both parties in a divorce were acting unreasonably and not thinking of the kids. In the end, the judge awarded the house to the kids who would live there permanently while the parents—who had joint custody—would take turns living there.
The best thing was that neither party could afford to buy an additional place, so they had to rent a small flat together and also share that.
Oh, Brother!
I had a case in where husband found some incriminating texts on his wife's phone. He suspected that she was cheating on him with some guy. What’s more is that he also got the impression that his sister-in-law (his brother’s wife) might be in on it in some way. He and his brother end up hiring a private investigator to tail both of their wives to get to the truth. But the truth can hurt…
The brothers essentially confirmed that both women were seeing other people. My client’s sister in-law admitted to carrying on an affair. His brother attempted to reconcile but eventually filed for divorce. My client’s wife admitted that she was looking for an affair but only "met for some kisses" and she "touched him a little bit.” He filed for divorce anyway.
To The Clink!
boy sitting while covering his facePhoto by Ksenia Makagonova on UnsplashMy dad is a retired lawyer and he got this story from a judge. A man and a woman went through an unhappy divorce, and their poor kids got stuck in the middle. The wife got custody and the man got visitation rights but, apparently, that wasn’t good enough for her. She made parental alienation her goal in life. So, her ex-husband took her to court over this and she actually ended up behind bars for contempt more than once.
The judge who told this story to my dad finally told the man, "I can throw her back in prison as many times as you want, but there's no winner in this."
I Want The News, Not The Weather…
I used to work for a judge when two prominent local news personalities were getting a divorce. They filed for mutual restraining orders against each other for an unspecified use of force. The filings were vague on details but still managed to convey a sense of savage levels of blood. When the time came for the hearing, it turned out that the use of force they were referring to was spitting.
Specifically, during a heated argument, flecks of spittle managed to touch the other party. The judge denied the restraining orders, and both parties' attorneys probably bought new yachts. Such is justice in a divorce.
That’s Not My Name
This is the story of a potentially thwarted divorce case. A man and his fiancée were buying a house together. They got to the paper where you sign off on all your aliases. In a Mr. & Mrs. Smith-worthy turn of events, the woman had a full-page's worth of former names. The guy asked, "What is this?" The woman's response made his blood run cold.
She nonchalantly replied, "Oh, I've been married five times before." The guy got up and walked out. Crisis averted.
“Extra! Extra! Read All About It!”
I was a secretary for an attorney. Divorce can be pretty depressing but it can also be a real laugh. I think that the most entertaining divorce story was when a guy had to get creative in divorcing his wife. He had to have the divorce papers sent to her the newspaper because she wouldn't leave the house or answer the door for the process server.
And Your Little Dog Too…
My friend’s firm handled the divorce of an extremely rich man who claimed his wife was cheating on him. The lawyer proceeded to ask him about his assets and what he wanted to keep. The man said that his wife could have the house, the car, the boat, the kids, etc. Given that he seemed willing to give up everything, the lawyer asked him what he wanted to keep. Not even Cruella de Ville would have asked for this.
After the man’s lawyer asked him what he wanted to keep in the divorce, the man angrily responded, "My wife only loves her dog. I want her to suffer so I want the court to order that the dog be taken away from her and cremated. She can have 50% of the ashes and I'll have the other 50%." What would have happened if his wife only loved their kids?
Micro Aggressions
woman in black jacket standing beside green plantPhoto by Karsten Winegeart on UnsplashI represented a woman who was convinced that her husband was the real-world equivalent of Lex Luthor or something. She claimed that he had implanted micro-robots in her brain and was trying to control her. She would bring us all of this nanotechnology and try to convince us that it was possible. She dragged the case out for four years. We almost had to get a conservator for her estate.
I’m A Professional
My first divorce case was the most memorable. My client was a nice looking, 50ish waitress who was breaking hearts at the local small-town cafe. She was on divorce number five. I had a little lawyer kit of things she should do such as clean out the joint accounts, change the car title, etc. To my surprise, she had done all of them…plus a few things I hadn’t thought of.
“Husband No.5” came into my office to cry and concede everything. Now that was a guy who needed a lawyer with a list. Suffice to say, our client got everything she was, or might have been, entitled to plus a little more.
Roomies!
I was a family law attorney for years. It was nasty all the time, which is why I finally switched to a different area. But not before this crazy couple…I worked a divorce where the ex-couple lived together after their divorce. It wasn’t for love. It was just pure and simple spite. Neither wanted to move. I believe they still live together.
Leaving The Nest
I once interned for a small family firm and had some really odd stories. This attractive lady relocated from Florida to the mountains of Virginia with her husband to restart their relationship. Unfortunately, they were moving in with her parents and had not found a new place to live yet. Well, the move didn’t help and they ended up seeking a divorce.
He ended up kicking the woman out of the house. Yeah, you read that correctly, he kicked her out of her parents’ house.
Failed Marriages And Flat Tires
This wasn’t my case, but I overheard it in divorce court once. While separated, a guy went around to his wife's house and took revenge on her car. Apparently, in an act of brazen post-marital rage, he slashed her tires. And if you were thinking about calling the authorities, you’ll have no luck there. He was a law enforcement officer. That’s just crazy.
The Defenestration Separation
beige 2-story housePhoto by Jessica Furtney on UnsplashI would never disclose a client's details because, you know, confidentiality. But I did have a mediation professor who told me this gem of a divorce story. She was mediating a divorce and the couple was so close to making a settlement. Until it all went out the window…literally. You see, this couple had purchased a lovely Victorian home together.
The husband, while unemployed, had painstakingly restored all of the old windows. Restoring the windows was a very time-consuming and labor-intensive task. Fast-forward to division of assets: The couple agreed to split the sale of the house equally, but he demanded a larger share because of the value of the windows. She said she should have that money, because she was supporting them at the time.
He returned that she could keep the entire house, but he was getting those windows. Then she said, “You can shove those windows up your...” Well, anyway, you get the idea. They went back and forth while my poor professor tried to mediate them into a neutral position.
That’s Just Pea…NUTS!
I worked a divorce case that was frustrating enough to make anyone pluck out their eyelashes. It took the couple two hours to decide who would get the groceries left in the fridge. The estimated value of the groceries was around $40. Two hours of my time, opposing counsel’s time, and mediator time added up to about $1,000. It all came down to an oversized jar of peanut butter.
All I could think of the whole time was, “Who keeps peanut butter in the fridge?!”
The Hand That Feeds You…
I once had a case where the estranged wife just didn’t know what was good for her. She was calling my client's employer repeatedly, accusing him of theft and other white-collar crimes to try to get my client fired. The funny thing about it all was that she was also demanding child support…which was based on my client’s income. Income from the job from which she was trying to get him fired.
A Hairy Situation
My dad was a divorce lawyer. He had a client who wanted to divorce her husband for two very odd reasons. For one, she claimed that he did not have enough hair on his chest. And the second reason was that he did not drive fast enough. In all fairness, this was 1970s when chest hair was a bit more important. The speeding thing, that I can’t explain.
Fighting For Fido
I was in a mediation once where it took the couple an hour and a half to split their personal property, retirement accounts, real property, and custody of their six-month-old son. The rest of the day, about four hours, they spent arguing about how to split the time with the dog. For the kid they just said, "as agreed upon by the parties" but the dog had a strict schedule.
Join The Mickey Mouse Club…Of Divorce
boy leaning on white chairPhoto by Chinh Le Duc on UnsplashI was a clerk for a family court judge. Believe me when I say that the kids always suffer in a divorce. We had a woman go to extreme lengths to spite her ex-husband, even if it meant disappointing her daughter. She even tried to get an injunction to keep the father from taking their daughter on a trip to Disney World. Like it is whenever love ends, it was so sad.
Reply All?
There are so many crazy divorce stories and they always bring out the absolute worst in couples. Like this one: A couple did their will with our firm. We drafted everything for them as they were an older couple; they had been married for 40 years total. The husband wanted us to put in his will that his kids get his entire estate, with one small caveat: He did not want us to tell his wife.
Instead, he wanted to have us make a secret will and a fake will. He had a whole plan. He would sign the fake will with her present, and then we would shred it. Then he would come in later to sign the "real will.” There was just one hitch in his Ocean’s Eleven scheme…he copied his wife on the email. Two weeks later, he called us and said he wanted to file for divorce.
Attorney On Demand
A previous client of ours was livid that his wife was cheating on him. She wanted a non-contested divorce and wanted to use my boss specifically because she knew he was a great lawyer. So, our client pretended to go along with her terms but contacted us literally two days before his wife and retained us. He said he didn't care how much money the retainer was going to be.
He just wanted my boss so his wife couldn't have him as a lawyer. He called and paid first, so he won that battle.
The Love Has Dried Up
My aunt was a divorce lawyer. She worked a case where the wife glued all of the outdoor hoses together so that her husband wouldn’t spend any more time washing his car. When the glue didn’t work, she just cut up the hoses instead. And when this woman’s husband bought new hoses, she finally filed for divorce. The only question I have is…”Was it a nice car?”
Bear With Me
I used to clerk for a judge, and we had a week-long divorce trial between a couple. The husband was a wildlife photographer and the wife was a stay-at-home wife who “remodeled” the house. They had no kids. Anyway, one day the husband was photographing a grizzly bear but must have gotten a little too close and the bear mauled him.
He spent several months in the hospital and rehab. As if surviving a bear attack wasn’t enough, his wife had him served with divorce papers shortly after he got out of rehab. Of course, she wanted half of everything. The guy had lost an eye…what more could she possibly have taken?
Plastics Are Forever
brown round bowl on white tablePhoto by Magic Bowls on UnsplashNeither side would follow the court orders. When they had to go back to court, they were fighting over the husband’s grandmother's bowls. I assumed for weeks that these bowls were some sort of heirloom or expensive china. When they finally brought the bowls into the courtroom to swap them, I discovered that they were Tupperware. Who knew plastic was more precious than diamonds?
Divorcing Scrooge
My client was the outrageous one in this story, and my heart went out to his poor wife. My client had OCD which manifested primarily in the family finances. He made their lives a penny-pinching nightmare. For example, he was obsessed with avoiding unnecessary driving, so he cut the whole family’s hair at home and never let them eat at a restaurant or go to the movies. That wasn’t even the strangest thing.
Weirdest of all, he kept one toilet paper roll on him at all times, and you had to get one square from him before you could go to the bathroom. He never gave more than one square. His wife finally got tired of him and left him when he gave her bangs during an in-home haircut. Even their daughter was so traumatized by the whole toilet paper thing they couldn’t potty train her.
Being such a miser, he viewed my whole job as a divorce attorney as an unnecessary expense.
Shaking Like A Dog
My mom was a divorce lawyer. One specific story I remember was about a couple fighting for custody of their dog. The guy already lost custody of the children and then lost the case for custody of the dog. When the ex-wife’s mother came to pick up the dog, he told her that she could get him out of the freezer...Yes, that’s right, he froze the dog.
The Frog That Hopped Away
I once worked an interesting—and very, very sad—divorce case. It’s not uncommon for parents to fight over custody in a divorce, but that’s not what happened this time…not at all. My client and their spouse had a son that they named Snoop Frog (I kid you not) and sadly, neither of them wanted custody. Honestly, it was nothing that a name change couldn’t fix.
Not A Lucky Divorce
This woman won $1.3million in a lottery pool and filed for divorce 11 days later. She never mentioned her lottery winnings to her husband. She also did not disclose the proceeds during the divorce. She would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for a letter that arrived at their former marital residence over two years after the divorce…
The letter was an offer to buy out her lottery annuity with a lump sum payment. The husband promptly lawyered up and the family court awarded 100% of the prize proceeds to him.
Men can be a mystery.
They like to hide as much as they can about themselves.
In truth, the rest of the world already suspects most of whatever behaviors they're trying to bury.
But often, it's so healthy to unburden yourself whenever you can.
Isn't it also comforting to know we aren't alone on this?
You do that? ME TOO!
Redditor Miguenzo wanted all the men out there to make some confessions, so they asked:
"What is something all guys do but will never admit to doing?"
Going to the bathroom sitting down more often than you think.
That's a guy truth I'll admit to.
I like to be comfortable.
Playtime
U Know Flirt GIF by WimbledonGiphy"I play with my penis more than any other object, by far."
killsafety
"And not even in a sexual way. Sometimes just flopping it from left to right while watching TV."
OneMorePotion
"This is what my wife had a hard time understanding. Just cause I'm messing with it, doesn't mean I'm aroused. I'm just fidgeting and that's my object."
Cigarettelegs
HER
"Imagine your entire life with a girl you just met."
Old_Situation4990
"Did this this weekend. The most beautiful woman working as a barmaid I have ever seen."
"However, I know it's annoying having someone hit on you while working and working in a bar she must get it all the time. so I kept quiet ordered my drinks and didn't bother her. She remembered what I was drinking by the 3rd drink. that was enough for me. LMAO."
EngineersMasterPlan
Think About It
"Daydream about insane scenarios that will never happen where you're the main hero that swoops in to save the day. Common examples include things like thinking you could figure out how to land an entire airplane in an emergency, thinking about 'What happens if there's a robbery and I stop the bad guy,' thinking about saving someone from a burning building, thinking you could save someone's life if there's a random medical emergency, etc."
bbbbbthatsfivebees
Spoons and Forks
"Not sure if this is for all guys, but my BF will never ever admit that he prefers to be the little spoon 😭."
raviolixx
"I’m over a foot taller than my wife, so I often joke that 'she’s my better third.' But I HATE being a big spoon. Nothing makes me happier in my marriage like being a little spoon, curled up, while she runs her fingers through my hair… Just thinking about is releasing the endorphins. We will hit 29 years together in a couple of months, and it not only never gets old, it gets better with age."
ZacInStl
Pick Away
jason clarke flirting GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Nose picking is more common than anyone will admit."
oldwhitch
"Nose picking is probably the most efficient way to get uncomfortable buggers out of your nose."
AllDressedJalapenos
Ugh. Nose pickers. Stop it. Just stop it!
Whoops
Uh Oh Oops GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"Morning pees sometimes go sideways and there's annoying cleaning up to do."
Apprehensive_Sky9062
Sniffed
"Sniff our armpits to be sure they don't stink or we enjoy the smell."
Individual-Option514
"This one is def gender neutral. I've had several girlfriends be embarrassed that I 'caught them' smell-checking themselves. As if they thought it was some secret weird thing they do and nobody else did. LOL."
Zeallust
"When I get nervous I stick my hands under my arms and then I sniff my armpit smell off my fingers and it calms me back down."
Papaya_flight
Inch by Inch
"Measuring their penis. Yeah, some will admit it. But some refuse to admit it."
Just4TheSpamAndEggs
"I don’t need a tape measure to know what disappointment looks like."
flightlessf**kbucket
Haven't done it in a while. At this point, I'm too afraid it's gotten smaller. If that's possible."
Double_Win_9405
"I have honestly never measured my d*ck. Girls I dated did. The numbers really mean nothing to me. I only cared if it was too small. Once girls told me it wasn't, I was satisfied."
esoteric_enigma
I Feel Pretty
"Being friendlier to attractive women."
JoeSchmoe314159
"Attractive women are scarier for many, so a lot of us probably come off as aloof or rude whatever towards them because we just kind of ignore them (actually are just too nervous to address them directly)."
"This isn't such a thing for me now that I'm in my 30s and have a long-time committed partner. No pressure... lol. But I know when I was a younger guy in the dating pool, the very attractive women were terrifying... lol."
bossmcsauce
"Attractive people actually get treated better in most areas of life in general. It’s called Pretty Privilege. Attractive people are trusted more easily, looked up to more, invited to more things, talked to more, can get a raise easier, and obviously can date easier."
Ur_Fav_Step-Redditor
At least once
"If you're single; Having feelings/Attraction to almost every female friend you've got. Doesn't have to be strong feelings. Doesn't have to be romantic. But you've thought about it. At least once. Maybe three times."
TA2556
"Definitely not universal. This stopped happening to me after I started and finished one major relationship."
"You develop a sense for what you actually want -- and how much more valuable friendship can be than any random romance."
"Also, as a straight guy, having uncomplicated friendships with multiple women is a great way to just get out in life, meet people and situations you never would've otherwise, and not bog down your own psyche. Really elevated my 20s."
MRIchalk
Underneath
wicked GIF by Ice CubeGiphy"Kicking ice cube under the fridge when falls."
Subject-Inflation805
"Gotta feed those shadow critters."
UnRealmCorp
I love the ice cube kick.
I think it's gender universal.
The Bible advises people to judge not, lest they be judged.
Which seems to have been lost in translation for too many purported adherents to its teachings.
On a secular level, we're told to not judge a book by its cover, but sometimes...
Sometimes it's hard not to get judgy.
Reddit user dolphinsR4evr asked:
"What is something you have a hard time not judging people about?"
Parents
"Being proud of being awful and absolute a**holes to their children."
~ YamAnxious
"I (female, 15) was on a train with my mother (female, 50) a couple years ago. We were enjoying our trip, laughing and playing together."
"We were sitting next to a man and his wife. They were about 60 years old."
"He started talking to us out of the blue and he said some things like 'a mother and her daughter shouldn't be friends', 'a daughter should hate her mother bc she's strict', and randomly bringing up his children."
"When we got off the train, we looked at each other and laughed about it, but I actually felt so bad about his kids."
~ justlookawaybruh
Give a Hoot
"Leaving trash in nature or anywhere really. I don't get it."
~ AbsoluteEva
"One of my pet peeves are people who throw their empty beer or energy drink cans off ski lifts."
"The lifties have to hike up the hill with trash bags picking up the litter. The people who do this have no respect for nature or the employees."
~ sretep66
Where Ya Headed?
"People who don't use their turn signals."
~ cutiecakepiecookie
"Even better, the ones who turn on the turn signal after they’re already turning."
~ SomeKindoflove27
"At least in these instances, it might just be a last second 'oh f'k sorry I forgot'."
"The ones who never use it are entitled."
~ GeneralZaroff1
"They shall hence be known as after-turners."
~ bryfy77
"How about the ones that have their blinkers on to move Right but move Left?"
~ MealComprehensive865
"No" Is A Complete Sentence!
"People pressuring others to do something after the other person already said 'no'."
~ Orchid_wildflower
"As someone who just doesn't enjoy drinking, it's so tiring answering the same questions at every single function."
"'No. I don't want a drink. No. I'm not an alcoholic. Thank you for the concern. I just don't want to drink'."
"It's like it's unfathomable for someone not to enjoy drinking."
~ TheDarkKnightFell
"'You’re just having a coke? Why‽‽'”
"Because it actually tastes good, it’s half the price, I can drive home after and I can actually enjoy my day tomorrow.”
~ Majestic-Marcus
"I AM an alcoholic and was amazed at how many people I considered to be friends tried this when I quit drinking."
"'Oh just a few won't hurt', 'you can't really have a problem if it was that easy to stop', 'don't worry', etc..."
~ yerbard
"5.5 years sober here."
"It. Is. Wild!"
"People will straight up try and bully you into drinking like, nah..."
~ jessieesmithreese519
"I gave up alcohol and marijuana last summer. I rarely socialize anymore with people outside my family."
"Seems like everyone in my age group needs some type of substance in order to relax and hang out. I'm especially put off by the wave of women calling wine 'mommy juice'."
~ Mammoth_Monk1793
"I hate how much of this culture's socialization is based around some type of substance use."
"So we can't just hang out and talk? We need to smoke, or drink, or some other bullsh*t??"
~ MrProdigal884
Special Place in Hell
"Poor treatment of pets."
~ Willing-Survey7448
"Buying a $3500 puppy for their kid at Christmas and dumping the dog at the pound a few months later when they realize how challenging raising a cute puppy can be. I will judge you."
"*glances down at purebred husky from pound sitting on couch snuggling with favorite toys….*"
~ lightpennies
"I see that often (I volunteer at our local shelter) and it really makes me angry seeing the people come in and just surrender the dog because they couldn't be bothered to put in the time and dedication."
"Dogs aren't a damn appliance. They are living, breathing beings with feelings."
"There honestly should be a database that those people get added to that prevents them from ever having a dog in the future if that's the reason why they are surrendering a dog (or any other animal)."
"And I get that there are legimate reasons for surrendering an animal (owner dies and surviving family cannot properly care for it, loss of housing and job, etc...)."
~ FirehawkLS1
"I once knew a woman who moved in with her boyfriend like people do. They both had dogs. Dogs did not get along."
"She'd had her dog 4 years and just went, ok I'll take it to the pound and give it up since they won't stop fighting. After only one month."
"Then complained about being sad for her lost dog (that went to one of those, if it doesn't get adopted, it'll get put down, places)."
"Her boyfriend just bought her a new dog to raise and train with his dog."
"I was so disgusted, I am not friends with them anymore."
~ TheMightyBluzah
Move Along
"Being oblivious of how much space they're taking up in public."
"I used to work in a building where you had to swipe your key card to enter through a turnstile, and the system was a bit slow. They were around 400 people working there, you can imagine how there was always a queue."
"Every day there was some d*ckhead having a conversation in front of the turnstiles, completely ignoring the people wanting to pass."
"Every day there was some dude getting to the front of the queue and only then realizing they needed their key card to get through."
"Everybody knew how annoying the process was, how can you care that little about other people?"
"Related: Placing your backpack on a seat in a crowded bus/train, blocking a supermarket aisle with your trolley."
~ thursday-anywhere
Use Your Indoor Voice
"Being extremely loud and bragging in a public place or restaurant."
~ anonnautilus
"I will never forget the time I rode a train late at night and one family took up half the car with their kids. They ran around making an absolute ruckus."
"One older lady politely asked if they could quiet down since 'everyone was tired'."
"The acting matriarch of the group yelled at her, 'Don't you dare tell my kids what to do! Hey, Kids! You can be AS LOUD AS YOU WANT!!!'."
"'Yaaaaay!'."
"I have to imagine they all grew up to be total a**holes."
~ PorkRoll2022
"And that's my neighbor. She encourages her kids to yell and scream, and joins in with them....encouraging them by yelling 'This is OUR HOUSE!'."
"She's actually the first adult I've ever met who had her kids on the lawn on July 4th, whooping and yelling 'USA! USA! Number ONE!!'."
"Yeah, I think we all judge her."
~ Francesca_N_Furter
Don't Be a Richard
"I hate people that feel the need to constantly bring others down and make them feel bad about things they enjoy."
"It's so sad to watch someone's enthusiasm about their hobby deflate because another person decided to be a d*ck about it."
~ ReporterOk4531
"Working with kids, it’s something I try to nip in the bud. Unfortunately, there’s way too many adults doing that to kids."
"My cousins’ dreams were crushed as kids by the adults in my family. Talents went to waste because of that. Even as a child myself, I knew it was wrong."
~ mstrss9
STFU, Tom!
"Man I think of myself as a relatively tough person who generally dgaf what people think of me, but I'm 38 and overweight and I realized I wanted to try roller blading again (this was abt 8 mos after having my third child)."
"This one d*ckhead neighbor was out in his yard and made fun of me to my face as I skated up the road (legit first time roller blading in like 20 years) and I haven't put them back on since."
"I even said 'hey don't give me a hard time, I haven't done this in years!' And he rolled his eyes and said 'yeah I can tell'."
"He made me feel so small and stupid. I'm mad at myself for not being tougher than that idiot's stupid comments."
~ allegedlys3
"He's a bully. So sorry this happened. Can't wait for you to try again. I learned to do pull-ups very late in life. Took me months."
"Everyone at the gym was very encouraging. I would never have made it without the extra support. My family was not as supportive."
"This is me supporting you. Go get em! You got this!"
~ VelcroSea
"Just remind yourself that people who make fun of someone making an effort are the biggest losers on the planet."
"Losers hate to watch people on the path to success."
~ rm-rd
"Yeah--OP, he's the small and stupid one. And if you can manage it, re-rollerblading will be both fun on its own AND a major victory against your a-hole neighbor."
~ Cat_Prismatic
"I hope you put the blades back on and either give him the finger or wear a shirt that says 'shut the hell up Tom' whenever youre outside blading your troubles away."
~ sinverguenza
"To all you subcommenters, you are a lovely group of people and thank you so much for your encouragement! Yeah, f'k that guy."
"When I get the guts up to go try again (I'll prob wait a few weeks til it's not hotter than the devil's taint outside), I will think of y'all."
~ allegedlys3
Well, 💩
"Not cleaning up after their dog. Just get a doggy bag people."
~ jfg1435
"There’s crap all over sidewalks in my neighborhood. I just can’t fathom the mindset of these people that won’t pick up after their dogs."
~ zrayburton
"It's even worse when there's trashcans next to free doggy bags on the neighborhood trail, and you still see dogsh*t all over the place. Zero f'king excuse at that point besides being a lazy pr*ck."
~ Pooonther
"Especially people who own large dogs. Like excuse me this is what you signed up for when you got your large a** dog."
"At my old apartment complex there was dog sh*t EVERYWHERE and it was always the human sized ones. So disgusting."
"If I ever see someone not picking it up I will absolutely yell at them."
~ AudreyFish
Excuse You
"People with no sense of self awareness, so they stop in the middle of walkways, entrances or crosswalks for no reason."
~ progressiveanarchy
"And grocery aisles. At least apologize if blocking the aisle."
~ weaselblackberry8
"Yeah people get way too absorbed in what they personally have going on, and are totally oblivious to their surroundings as a result."
~ zakku_88
"My husband was this person. Absolutely no awareness of the inconsiderate mess."
"When we first took a trip together and he stopped in the middle of the airport and put his bag down I was like… 'I Don't Know WHERE you learned this but you don’t do this anymore'."
"And now he’s learned."
~ BusinessClassBarbie
Abandon Ship
"A parent leaving and ignoring one family to get a new significant other and raise that persons children."
~ blyblotbloidberg
"Generally it is getting a new partner (who doesn’t have kids) AND create a new batch of kids, forgetting the existing kids."
~ VeganMonkey
"This happened to a friend of mine. Thirty years ago his mother walked out, abandoning him and his sister."
"They were both under ten years old. She never contacted them again. She moved on and had more kids with someone else."
"Things like that always kind of surprise me because we’ve all been conditioned to expect mothers to always love and want to take care of their children. Mother love is supposed to be unconditional, right?"
"Sadly, not always. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances, sometimes not. My friend does not really know why his mom left them."
"Nowadays he says he doesn’t care because it’s been so long that it feels to him like she died—but I think he still hurts. Everybody needs a mother sometimes."
"Sometimes people are just sh*tty for no good reason. It’s hard to accept."
~ miniguinea
"Overheard a convo a mom was having with her pre/early teen daughter at a restaurant once. I was their server."
"Essentially daughter had to go live with her dad because they didn't have enough room in moms new family."
"The specific phrase 'I have a new family now' was used. I haven't mentioned it yet, but mom was preggo."
"Lots of tears and mom came across as a complete a**hole."
~ ElbisCochuelo1
Sometimes we as a society are too judgmental.
But there are times it's really difficult not to judge someone's words or actions.
What do you find hard not to judge?
We've all heard our fair share of conspiracy theories, like Big Brother watching us, or the Earth being flat, or birds not being real (seriously, what is that about?).
We've even seen some theories get confirmed over the years, like our mobile devices "always" listening to us, though some remain unconvinced about the purposes behind that fact.
But there are some conspiracy theories out there that are far more unsettling than others, and some people have some very good reasons for why they believe in them and are deeply terrified by them.
Ready to hear some theories, Redditor sublimefan123 asked:
"What's the scariest conspiracy theory you believe is 100% true?"
But Where's the Lie?
"Octopi are aliens, and you can't convince me otherwise."
"Those motherf**kers came from a meteor or something. Their brain development rate compared to all other species is off the charts."
- venom121212
"Right? Name me ONE other motherf**kier that has eight different brainlets hanging out in their thinky-feely tentacles. That s**t's wild."
- PepurrPotts
"Samuel L. Jackson would LOVE this conversation."
- TheBookishAndTheBard
The Mafia Makes the Best Pillows
"The excessive number of mattress stores in cities; often within close proximity to each other. Money laundering fronts for the mafia is a distinct possibility."
- mansonsturtle
"In reality, it's due to a certain type of marketing technique."
"A lot of times, people won't drive to multiple mattress stores. They'll just drive to one. However, if the other mattress store is right next door, they are more likely to check it out and see if they can find something better, comfier, at a better price."
"So you usually see them grouped together. You'll see the same with auto dealerships."
- MaxHannibal
"Says the mafioso!!!! Caught you!"
- RambisRevenge
Educating Future Laborers, Not Individuals
"US education system knowingly underfunded to maintain a large unskilled labor force."
"Originally this made sense as we needed people to work the world's largest breadbasket and mine raw materials. Now those jobs are highly mechanized and automated."
"Combine this with a shift to main US exports being tech- and chem-based, and our intentionally woeful education system is coming back to bite us."
"Students aren't being taught how to be self-sustaining individuals. They're being taught how to memorize, to forget, and to serve."
- 89inerEcho
A Voluntary Trend
"'Throwback Thursday' or '#tbt' just appeared one day out of the blue, with the distinct goal of being a silly internet craze to post pictures from the past and compare it to modern-day photos."
"But I believe it was a project created by three-letter United States federal government organizations to encourage large portions of the population to post weekly photos of their past and present to enhance their aging and genetic algorithms."
"It would be hard to get access to everyone's old photos unless they had physical access to everyone's houses and snuck into each house to make copies of said photos. Why do all that when you could make it a fun new trend and let the people voluntarily give you the photos en masse?"
- yourusernameistaken
Distractions in the Media
"Insane wackjob conspiracies purposefully get propagated to detract from actual shady s**t that goes on."
"What's more? It f**king works."
"If you see someone even mention something that might be a conspiracy, that person is automatically determined to be a lunatic. Dangerous when you consider just how corrupt government, military, and corporations are."
- somethingdarkside45
Let the Women Have Their Pockets
"Big purses... I think that pocket-book companies have strong-armed, bought, or convinced women's clothing companies to make pockets ineffectual so that purses remain relevant."
- roygbpcub
"To add onto this, tech companies have bought into big purses and that's why phones have gotten continuously larger, so they can't fit in pockets no matter what."
"Seriously, though, I think the true reason why pockets for women's pants are so ineffectual is that women's clothing is selling a specific body type (slim) that protruding hips would go against."
"This really needs to be talked about more. Not only does it set a standard for women to have to look a certain way, but it also sends the message that women should ignore their own comfort or needs in order to conform enough to be attractive."
- that_personoverthere
Gut Health and Mental Health
"Food quality is intentionally low to increase the "need" for medication & supplements. Adequate health care is unaffordable to keep the workers in the ACA gap from living long enough to benefit from the social security that they have contributed to for their whole working lives."
- borkydorkyporky
"The food we have been eating in the United States is a huge part of the mental illness going on today."
- TheBozKnight
"I started eating 'cleaner,' and I am not perfect, but I notice such a tremendous change in my energy and overall being for the positive."
- purplehotcheeto
"100%, it is now being accepted and studied that our gut is directly connected to our brain and has a huge impact on mental health."
- SeatLong5131
The Unusual Rich
"I firmly believe rich people (given the few I've interacted with) think way, way differently than normal people. That shouldn't be surprising given the fact that they have enough money and probably power to basically do whatever they want and nobody will stop and say, 'Not enough money in the world that I should let you.'"
"They live with far fewer boundaries than most of us."
- MisanthropeNotAutist
No More Dentist Appointments
"Scientists have found a way to protect our teeth from plaque and cavities years ago but because of the lobbying money, they have been stopped from commercializing it."
- sonia72quebec
Pluto Held a Grudge
"We live in a plutocracy."
- Bad_Inteligence
"That's impossible, Pluto's not even a planet anymore."
- zsero1138
"Why do you think they demoted it to begin with?"
- AlwaysSaysRobot
Passing the Test
"Remember when we redirected that asteroid last year as a test, called DART? Yeah, I don't think that was a test."
"It doesn't matter, though. I'm glad it worked."
- no_onion_no_cry
A Troubling Trade
"That Reagan conspired with the Revolutionary Iranian government to not free US hostages until and unless he was elected in 1980."
"The Iranian hostage crisis was very damaging politically for Carter, who was a very likable and decent man. Americans sitting in Iranian jail cells severely eroded Carter's political position going into the 1980 election, and Reagan knew it."
"The hostages were released on the very day that Reagan took office, 20 Jan. 1981, literally, just MINUTES after he was sworn in. To this day, Iran has offered no formal explanation."
- VibrantPianoNetwork
No Progress
"I wouldn't say 'believe' as it's more highly suspect that it's true:"
"The American political system has one party with two sides. One side placates the populace while making as little change as possible. When people get fed up with that side they vote in the other, who rushes in pro-one percent policy and other things that further consolidate power away from the populace."
"That way we are always taking one step forward but three steps back."
- Patcher404
The Uno Reverse Card
""Questions like this get posted online by Feds so they can aggregate popular or new conspiracies. (This is a sarcastic comment but also... not.)"
- FactualStatue
"I think about this sometimes. Create bulls**t online just to see which groups are the most susceptible, or post stuff like this to get new ideas of what to push."
- V1CTORW0ND00M
They're All We Have...
"No one is secretly in charge from the shadows. The politicians we have are actually the leaders of the world and are genuinely what people voted for."
"There are few things scarier than that."
- m0le
Whether or not we choose to believe in these theories, it's clear why they would be terrifying to those who choose to believe in them.
But also, some of these arguments are pretty compelling, and it's equally understandable how a person could come to believe some of these theories.
Conspiracy theories don't all have to be about bird props and witch hunts, after all.