Sure, people want to make nice, but sometimes...
Some people you encounter are just begging for a pithy bon mot.
And most of us have a favorite.
Redditor ILikeToHang asked:
"What is your favorite insult?"
Thank You?
"You are impossible to underestimate." ~ dcbluestar
"My dumb a** would say thank you genuinely if someone actually said this to me." ~ GhettoCowboyNumba1
GiphyUse Their Own Insecurities
"Wow, everybody was right about you."
"(let their deepest insecurities take hold)" ~ tknice
"Or a tad twist: 'You're not as bad as people say you are'." ~ g3ttinj1ggyw1t1t
"I don't care what people say about you. You're pretty smart." ~ csharpminor_fanclub
The Parents
"I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you." ~ WatchTheBoom
"This one hurts even more if you say 'change the subject to your brother/sister'." ~ dudesBangMyMom
"I bet your girlfriend refers to you as her 'friend' in front of other people'." ~ DrDopenheimer
GiphySharp As A Tack
“'Slower than a parked car' takes me down every time." ~ StaleBlueBread
"'About as sharp as a ball bearing' is one of my favourites." ~ Peedee04
"Your train of thought never left the station, did it." ~ obscureferences
Your Mother
"I was in a bar and an older fellow got into some banter with a younger guy."
"I forget what was said, but it prompted the younger guy to say 'You're old enough to be my dad'."
"Without skipping a beat the older man said, 'Got a picture of your mom?'" ~ Doghead45
Mothers Day Mom GIFGiphyFood
"I’ve seen some people referred to as no purpose flour and that’s pretty high up on my list now." ~ thepantryraid_
"If she were a spice, she’d be flour!" ~ peepumsn4stygum
Family
"If you were any more inbred you’d be a sandwich." ~ AvatarOfSloth
"Too much chlorine in the old gene pool, eh?" ~ Amishcannoli
"Gene pool? More like a gene puddle." ~ naut
"Your family tree is a rectangle." ~ TheLavaFall
"Your family tree is a Christmas wreath." ~ The-Unseelie-Queen
"You look like the kind of guy who's related to himself..." ~ PaniqueAttaque
GiphyMouth
"God ruined a perfectly good asshole when he put teeth in your mouth." ~ Fate-StayFullMetal
"Last time I saw a mouth that big, it had a hook in it." ~ Slight_Story_8463
Burn
"I'd call you a tool but then you would be useful." ~ AngryApparition029
"I didn't study astronomy, but I know enough to realize the Universe doesn't revolve around anyone in this conversation." ~ LakotaGrl
GiphyStone Cold
"This one came from my little brother."
"He was mad at my mom and told her something so creative I'll never forget it."
"'When I grow up and you get older, and you call me, I'm not going to answer the phone'." ~ cakeman528
So, did you find anything you can use or do you have something better.
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Redditor unripenedboyparts wanted to hear about the horrors we've all been witness to, so they asked:
"What is the creepiest thing you’ve seen in the woods, or in the mountains, or in deserts, or caves, or in small towns, or in big cities, or in hotels, or in remote or rural areas, or while asleep, or home alone, or while on large bodies of water, or while on an aircraft or a nautical vessel?"
I don't camp.
I don't hike.
I don't do wilderness.
And this is why...
Textures
Life Smash GIFGiphy"Coming out of anesthesia from open heart surgery, every time I closed my eyes I could see a perfectly formed brick wall inches from my face. I could see the texture of the bricks through the paint, the mortar, all in perfect detail. Every time I changed rooms, the wall would change colors."
GlobalPhreak
The Wolf
"I was up north. Far North British Columbia, Canada working in a (oil) rig camp out in the woods. I was working as a cook, I went out one afternoon for a smoke on the back deck. It was about 2 o'clock n the afternoon. It was a very quiet, still winter day. It was snowing those kind of big snowflakes that make it look like the world is moving in slow motion."
"So as I was standing there smoking, just staring off in the distance not looking at anything particular... you know looking left right, up down at my feet whatever. I felt something looking at me. Then I looked straight ahead. About 30 feet or less in front of me was the tree line of the forest, and directly in front of me in-between two trees I see the most gigantic wolf I have ever seen."
"This thing sitting looked like it was the size of a man standing. It was massive, sitting there and just staring right at me. We locked eyes, then I looked away for a split second and then looked back and it was gone. I don't know, it just gave me the weirdest feeling. It was definitely like, "hey.. I see you, I could eat you... butttt I won't, k byeee"
"Something I'll always remember."
vatersgonnavate
It’s absolutely unnerving...
"I live in a really remote part of Alaska. I think the scariest thing I’ve ever encountered is how silent the woods/tundra can be in the dead of winter. I’m talking like 'I feel like I am about to go insane' quiet. It’s absolutely unnerving. I become hyper aware of my heart beat and my breathing sounds like a f**king airplane taking off."
"And I know a lot of people will say 'it’s because a predator was near by' nah man, some places up here just have nothing. That’s what really freaks me out. I am absolutely alone in this one spot. I could drop dead and no one would ever find my body."
idontcareilikedogs
The Sow
"I rounded a corner in a trail in the Appalachian Mountains and came face to face with a sow black bear and her cub. Same situation, we locked eyes, she seemed to convey - look dude, I can un alive you in a second, but I’m not about it today so just be patient while I dig these bugs outta this hillside. I sat and watched this bear and cub for prob 20 mins at a safe-ish distance."
m0992104
Who Are You??
Video Games Gamer GIF by Call of DutyGiphy"There must be wilderness dwelling gamers out there, because I found a pile of xbox games in the mountains. Like two dozen in a pile in a remote location."
LittleBkGuy1
Those gamers are sneaky.
It Flies
David Choe Love GIFGiphy"Hallucinated a flying whale alongside the night time flight from Alberta to Ontario when I was 12. It was snow white, seemed friendly enough. Roughly the size of a blue whale."
jakebreakshow
Onto the Rocks
"It happened when me and my parents were on vacation to some place near Spain when I was still little. We went to a little beach at some coastal town where I then immediately jumped into the sea with my swimming goggles on. I then crawled on to some rocks and walked around until I noticed a crab sitting on the rocks."
"I then traversed them carefully while trying to catch it, but it kept crawling away. This continued until I then followed it to a point where the little bay I was in ended and the open ocean began. So then little me decided that it was a good idea to jump into the open water to see if there was anything cool down there. I then jumped in, and I was immediately hit with the cold temperature of actual ocean water."
"But the worst part was that even with my goggles on, I couldn't see anything down there. I was met with a giant black void. No fish, no plants, no rocks. Nothing. I then immediately turned around and began swimming back as quick as I could. And since that moment I haven't gone beyond the shallows ever again."
Successful-Seaweed12
Orbs
"This was almost a decade ago; I live in a town outside of Phoenix, AZ. It was late in the afternoon as the sun was starting to set. I went out in the backyard to smoke a cigarette and play fetch with my dog. As I was throwing the ball I noticed a small orb shoot from the ground directly into the sky."
"A few seconds later another one followed, and another, and another, and another. It didn’t stop for a few minutes. At first I thought it was a Roman candle but I just couldn’t hear but you’d normally hear them fizzing as the fly. I couldn’t hear anything. It was dead silent. To this day, I still don’t know what those were."
ThurSTIII
Appendages
"When I was a kid in the early 80's my parents had a house they rented out to people. We were cleaning it out after a set of unsatisfactory tenants and I was going through the kitchen cupboards making sure they were empty. I saw a mason jar tucked way back in the corner of one of the top shelves so I hopped up on the counter, stretched my arm, grabbed it and hopped back down. When I looked at the jar I saw a finger floating in a clear liquid. I set it down on the counter, walked out of the kitchen and called, 'Mom, I found a finger!'"
Narmer_3100
Jiggles
earthquake GIF by James CurranGiphy"I was on a fishing boat just off the Pacific coast and there was an earthquake. The water jiggled a bit as we heard a boom and a quick shake. Only time I was on water during an earthquake."
teebpix
This is why I don't fish. Not even on dry land.
Do you have any bizarre experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
