We all have some story of disaster or major drama surrounding Thanksgiving dinner. Something going wrong is practically inevitable when you put a bunch of people who only see each other a few times a year into one house and expect them to socialize. Besides, how many of us cook whole turkeys the rest of the year?
Redditor Kings___Slayer asks:
User responses included extended family drama, general awkwardness, and some extraordinarily overcooked turkeys. Reading these made me very thankful for my family's comparatively mild weirdness.
My grandma accidentally poured dish soap on the turkey instead of oil... might have been one of the funniest but most upsetting things I've ever seen.
The Meat Is A Bit Rubbery
I thought it would be a funny prank to put a rubber chicken in the oven on Thanksgiving. My mom would laugh and laugh. Ho ho ho, there's a rubber chicken in the oven, what a gag.
13 year old me didn't realize that normal adults usually preheat the oven before putting the turkey in.
Grandma Got Run Over By A Martini
My mother and grandmother had plans to go to a restaurant last year, my sister convinces them to go somewhere else at last minute. Of course this means no reservations but sister is convinced that it'll be fine and they might just have to wait a few minutes for a table. I live in another state so I get to experience all of this from a distance.
They end up sitting at the bar while waiting for a table, having a few drinks and appetizers. After the 2nd round of martinis my mother looks over and my grandmother is leaning back in her chair, completely limp and unresponsive. Everyone freaks out, paramedics are called, grandma is rushed to the ER.
I'm 1,200 miles away when my mother calls to tell me what happened. At this point grandma is at the ER, still unresponsive, crazy low blood pressure and high heart rate. I'm ready to book plane tickets and rush to the airport when mom calls back "Don't worry, everything's OK, your grandmother just got drunk." Her blood test came back completely normal except with a BAC of 0.24 (3x legal limit). She was awake now so I got to talk to her and she was crying "I'm so sorry, I've ruined Thanksgiving." I assured her that she hasn't ruined Thanksgiving, and that everyone is just happy she's OK.
So my grandma is 90 years old, about 4'8", 100lbs. She hadn't eaten anything all day because she knew they were having a big dinner. She also ordered another martini while no one was looking, so the 2nd martini was actually her 3rd. This turned into the perfect storm of really drunk grandma.
TL;DR Grandma got run over by a martiniGiphy
Too Bad About The Pie
My cousin stole a four wheeler from a police dispatcher and left it in our yard. Told us he and a buddy would come back later to get it cos it was out of gas. Mom sent me to Kroger that morning hoping they had pie shells and called me when I was driving back warning me not to speed cos police were all over our road. (We lived on farm a mile long country road. We were the only house on it.)
The police took our statements, retrieved the ATV, and we didn't have chocolate pie because of-freaking-course Kroger is gonna be out of frozen pie shells at 8AM on Thanksgiving morning, what were you thinking mama.
The Saga Of The Legendary Floor Bird
This Thanksgiving would be special, we invited somewhere around 25 people (normally it would've been 12) and everyone arrived. Naturally, my mother bought a seriously large turkey, and had it slow cooking all day. It was going to be the highlight of the day and everyone was looking forward to it.
Fast forward, the turkey is out of the oven and is being carved. It looks and smells delicious, the table is set.
Everyone's sitting down at the table, passing around mashed potatoes and talking about whatever. My mom is bringing the turkey from the kitchen into the dining room.
She drops the turkey platter. It shatters, turkey and porcelain shards litter the floor.
Thankfully, most of the turkey was salvaged due to the 5 second rule. Some of us had shards of turkey platter on our plates but it wasnt a big deal.
The turkey WAS as good as it promised to be, and it is sometimes mentioned as the legendary floor bird.
Put A Lid On It
I heard some screaming from outside my apartment. I opened the door and saw this lady running to the dumpster with a turkey still in the pan on fire. She threw it into the dumpster which then caught fire. I called 911 so the fire department could put it out.
I'd imagine being a 911 operator would be one of the most emotionally taxing jobs. One minute you get a call about the darkest most depressing thing. The next, lawd Jesus the bird is on fire.
Don't Get A New Oven Right Before Thanksgiving
My grandparents had a new oven, and my grandmother had never made a turkey in it before. The turkey drippings somehow caught fire and the kitchen filled up with smoke. We called 911 but by the time the fire department arrived, my dad and grandfather had put out the fire.
So, when the firemen arrived, there was no more fire. They were really nice and understanding. My grandmother was mortified. My drunk aunt tried hitting on all of the firemen even though she had a good 25-30 years on them. My cousin and I just stood in the front yard drinking beers in silence, watching it all play out.
Fortunately, the turkey was fine and dinner proceeded normally once everything settled down.
Dig A Trench!
I was somewhere around 10 to 12.
There was a brush fire in the field next to Grandmothers house. Small fire some 100 yards away, but everyone panicked not knowing how quickly it would spread and hell broke loose.
So there's My dad sprinting towards the side of the house, pick axe in hand, shouting "dig a trench!!!! DIG A TRENCH!!!!!!!" Then digging a small hole with the lock axe that would have stopped nothing.
Then he points and turns to my uncle yelling "THE HOSE!!!!" "THE HOSE!!!! Turn it on!!!!"
Then My uncle grabs a hose and starts running toward the field. But, the hose is connected to nothing.
Grandfather looking on calmly turns to my dad and goes "that hose ain't hooked up. I need someone to fix it for me."
Chaos continuing on the side of the house meanwhile a 2 year old gets left alone on the porch in the pandemonium so we're all watching the fire and finally my cousin goes "wheres (my sisters name)?" So then a bunch of people freak out and sprint back in panic to the porch to grab the kid.
All the while my dad is pickaxing the ground like a madman yelling "Dig a trench!!"
Ended with everyone except those digging a trench are crying laughing their ass off as the fire dept pulls to up take care of business in all of about 20 seconds. The fire never came even remotely close to the house.
What A Gas
I was having a farting contest with my cousin in the bathroom. She let out one of those ones that ends in an upturned squeak, like her @sshole was meekly asking me a question. I lost it and threw my head back in laughter, and when my head came back down, it was into the granite counter top. At like 127 mph. I split my forehead open and had to go to the ER for stitches. But waittheresmore.
In the ER, one of the nurses asked how I cut my forehead and I told her I was laughing at a fart. She laugh-farted in response.
I was 11 so obviously it was the funniest goddamn thing that had ever happened to me.
Anyway I'm 30 now and still have that stupid scar right between my eyebrows and sometimes I remember how I ruined thanksgiving like 20 years ago and then a nurse farted and I laugh.
This is utterly delightful, and I bet that nurse loves telling the story as one of her favorite "worked on a holiday" stories.Giphy
Revealing Family Secrets
I was around 5-6 years old. Us kids were playing hide-n-seek and I hid way in the back of Grandma's closet. While I was hiding back there, I found this beautiful deep red robe, I assumed it belonged to my grandfather who died just after I was born. I tried it on and it was huge on me but the silk felt really smooth and cool, so I decided to go ask my grandma if I could have it to grow into.
Turns out granddad was a Grand Dragon in the Carolina KKK and it was his ceremonial robe. The family members who didnt know about this already were highly upset, the ones who knew were embarrassed as hell. There was a small riot when I walked into the kitchen wearing it. That was an awkward Thanksgiving.
It was like time froze for a minute and then people were rushing at me from every direction to bumrush me out of the kitchen. It was probably hilarious if you werent the one with three huge women rushing at you like NFL linebackers :(