The "it's not what it looks like" moment is a favorite movie trope for a reason. It happens - a lot. When it does, it can be one of the most embarrassing and hard to explain moments in a person's life. Take it from me. I got myself grounded from Mortal Kombat because I attempted to Sonya Blade somebody and ended up power-slamming their face into my crotch - just as my minister parents walked in the room.
That was more than half of my life ago and they still don't believe that there wasn't anything sexual going on and that Mortal Kombat is not, in fact, a video game full of sexual atrocities. It's ridiculously violent - and awesome - but it's nowhere near the mess they think it is and their minds will never be changed because of what they think they saw.
One Reddit user asked:
And now that I've read the responses, I feel better. I mean, it could be worse. I could be the banana panties guy. Here are some of my favorite moments, edited for language and clarity if needed. Have fun with all this secondhand cringe! Lord knows I did.
I used to take my kids to different playgrounds as they were growing up. Often times I'd be out there with them, chasing them, being the random monster/dragon/antagonist while they run away and then eventually turn around and chase me back. Inevitably since the rest of the parents were on their iPhones or doing anything but interacting with their kids, I'd end up with a collection who wanted to join in the fun.
It was all going well until they said they wanted to play "Minecraft"
So as a group of kids suddenly scatter from where I am standing yelling "Ah! Run away from the Creeper! Ahhh!" I look up to see a line of parents suddenly jostled back into consciousness with absolutely no friggin context whatsoever.
Consensual Hand Drying
It was my third day at my new office job. When I washed my hands my pants touched the counter top which was covered with water. Naturally I now look like I pissed myself and had a giant 6 by 6 soaked area around my crotch. I couldnt walk around with that so I thought to use the hand dryer. However, the hand dryer was the type that you stick your hands in rather under. So I line up and basically mount this hand dryer. I look at myself in the mirror and as I start thinking "this wont look good if..." and of course the CIO walks in before I could finish the thought and react. He looks at me and in deadpan voice says: "Do I need to call HR?"
to which I responded: "No, its consensual."
We had a good laugh about it and he never let me forget that moment!
I was 16 and my parents just left the house for a dinner out. I had to do laundry so I start right after they left the door to get it done as early as possible.
As I'm filling the machine I notice a stain on my shirt and so I put it with the rest of the clothes. I also look at my pants and decide to add them as well along with my socks and...fuck it my underwear as well.
So I'm butt naked and I start the machine. I rush to the stairs to get to my room and dress up and that's when the front door (which is right where the stairs are) opens and I freeze.
My dad comes in and sees me naked. We both arent moving a few second and then he laughs, grabs his wallet on the table and says : "So THAT'S what you are doing while we aren't here?". He then closes the door while giggling.
I'm there still in shock and red as a beet. I rush to dress and call my parents on my mother's cellphone to tell them it's not what they think as they are just laughing their butts off.
I used to work security/reception at my company, so I greeted everyone when they came in the door and made sure they were wearing their security badge. You could either wear your badge on a lanyard around your neck or on a retractable belt clip.
So I've been doing this job for like 2 years when I'm outside talking to some of the girls that work on the 2nd floor. One of them just flat out asks why I always check out women when they come in to visit.
Turns out, there was a lot of talk about how I was "looking women up and down" when they came through the door. Well, I was looking everyone up and down. I would look at their chest first and if there was no badge there, my eyes would move to their belt. It was kind of my job and stuff.
I will preface this by saying a couple of weeks prior to this, my wife had bought some frilly underwear on clearance sale, and a couple of bananas to eat on the way to work. I was chilling in the car at the store while she went in when I smelled nasty over-ripe bananas. I reached into the backseat and pulled out the bag that had been forgotten back there. I take the underwear out of the bag and tie the old banana up dog poo style. No big deal, right?
For whatever reason, my brain goes I wonder if these brand new underwear now reek of old squishy banana? and I put them to my nose and take a big whiff- right as a sweet old lady pulls into the parking spot in front of our car. She looks at me, panties pressed into my nose inhaling deeply, her eyes go wide with shock, and visibly shaking, she pulls back out of the spot and drives away. Literally leaves. Shopping trip cancelled.
Holding A Bat, Whispering About Murder
My boyfriend and I had a fight and both went to bed grumpily (we were housemates and had separate bedrooms). In the middle of the night I heard a LOUD thump in the living room area of the house. I grabbed my baseball bat and went through the whole house with the bat and the lights on. Every closet, every cupboard, etc. Nothing was out of order and the doors were locked. I was still spooked and running high on adrenaline.
It was about 4:30 in the morning and I had to get up at 6 so I just gave up on going back to sleep before that. I debated what to do for the hour and a half and decided to go to IHOP since it's open 24h where I live. As I was about to leave I realized that if I left my sleeping boyfriend in the house and the murderer WAS actually still there and killed him I would feel extremely guilty. So I went to wake him up just enough to warn him before I left for IHOP.
He woke up to me leaning over his bed, holding a bat, and whispering about murder. He almost cried.
Following Her Home
I was driving back home from a friend's house at around 1AM. This car cut me off on the on ramp, and I honked at them. I then turned back up the music, and pretty much drove home on autopilot, but when I got off the freeway at my exit, I realized that the same car that cut me off was in front of me. After that, I got kind of curious, because it had been about 30 minutes since the incident, and we'd changed freeways twice already. I then got a little bit worried that they'd think I was following them home, but I didn't think too much of it--until the car started going up the same side streets I did.
Eventually, I realized that my 16-year old neighbor who just learned how to drive cut me off, and she and her friends were probably now petrified that some lunatic was following them home. I guess she'd called her parents in the meantime because she pulled into her driveway and the house lights were all lit up, and her dad (a huge guy) was standing outside with a baseball bat. I then pulled into my own garage and apologized for scaring them and it was all chill after that.
Everything was all good afterwards—we all laughed it off.
Butt Dial And Speakerphone
My boyfriend and I were jumping on the trampoline together years ago, just bouncing around like a couple of kids, laughing our butts off. It was fun! He accidentally butt dialed his parents, who speakerphoned our laughing, creaking springs, and gasping to a car load of people. They were all mortified. We were able to set it straight later, but OOF.
Sorry mom and dad.
This is one of my moms absolute favorite stories to tell:
My partner and I were in a kind of long distance relationship at this point (high schoolers living 40mins apart) and they would occasionally drive up after school to come see me
On this particular day my mom came home from work and was concerned with the lack of sound.
I hear her calling my name as she comes closer, she eventually gets to my closed bedroom door not wanting to see what I'm sure every parent would expect by this point
She swings it open and finds my partner and I...
...putting together our brand new Millennium Falcon (full size for action figures) that we had just purchased from Toys R us
My dog kept stepping on the pieces and messing things up in his dopiness so we closed the door
After that she never worried about us being alone.
Honestly think this might be the moment where my mom decided she wanted to adopt my partner.
Sometimes, I'm not sure who she loves more.
Btw - My partner and I got married this year and we still have that Millennium Falcon.
I, a male, am in a dive bar in college that had black lights above the bar for whatever reason. I'm buying a girl a drink and when I go to pull my wallet out, see that the black light has highlighted a significant outline of white liquid around the webbing of my hand between my thumb and index finger. Right when I'm laughing about "what that probably looks like", she informs me it's all around my mouth too. Apparently the peroxide in baking soda toothpaste leaves an otherwise invisible trace that comes out under blacklight.
"For Catching Children..."
I had a pile of stuff in the trunk of my car, including a golf club. The club got tangled in the elastic netting that came with the car and with the way everything was jumbled up, it looked like an enormous butterfly net.
So after a Scouts meeting, I'm standing outside with my son when he looks in the back of the car and shouts:
"Why do you have a big net in the boot of your car? Is it for catching children?"
The other adults stared. Erm...
David - But Not THAT David
Hanging out at home with hubby. It's important to note that hubby is only the 2nd person I have dated. The first was a man named David who was incredibly abusive. My husband knows the story, it's ugly. David's name is not one we speak pleasantly around here.
Anyway, I asked my husband to "throw me a plum". He thought he'd be funny and literally throw it. It was the last one and still in the produce bag. He spun the bag around a few spins like he was picking up momentum to really pelt me. Bag split, plum shot off at a random angle and smashed on the ceiling! We were laughing hysterically. Until!!! It came into my head that this small projectile in a sheath was somewhat like the slingshot they show David using to slay Goliath. So I blurt "Nice shot, David!"
Hubs didn't catch the biblical slingshot reference and thought I accidentally called him my ex's name. I eventually convinced him it was a biblical reference, but that being the only time in my whole life I've ever made one (lifelong atheist who finds the mere thought of religion depressing) it did not seem like a likely story.
Sorry, Sunshine! It really, honestly WAS just a biblical reference.
When I was in high school I was hanging out with my gay male friend at his house after school. He had one of those sugar gliders for a pet. They are really fast. We were holding her and she randomly jumps out of my friend's hands, falls on the floor, runs toward me, and crawls up my leg under my skirt.
Without thinking my friend sticks his hands up my skirt to grab her. I wasn't offended, I wanted the squirrel off my butt. At that exact second his mom walks in the room while my friend has his hand up my skirt. Though my friend was gay, he was not out of the closet out the time.
Dog Food Face
My little brother had to be around 10 at the time. I was in the process of making chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen while my family was in the dining room.(kitchen and dinning room were connected) Anyway, while I was baking my little sister (7) at the time went to feed the dog. My brother being the chocolate fiend he is, thought my little sister brought chocolate chips to the dining table. He got so exited and knocked the dog food cup out of her hand, and it went everywhere on the floor. Without a second to spare he flew to the ground shoveling it in his face. Nope. Not chocolate.
To this day, the look of pure betrayal and horror in his face makes me laugh.
A Pill Gun
So, my coworker(we will call him G), and I were talking about his cat.
(For those wondering G is a male and I'm a female.)
His cat was refusing to take some pills that she needed after a procedure. I asked G if he tried to hide the pills in her food bowl or a treat. He said it didn't work. He then told me what did work...
"I have to put it in her mouth and force her to swallow it by massaging her throat."
Of course he said it right as another co-worker was walking into the room. The moment those words were spoken the other coworker didn't say a word - he just turned around and left the room. Leaving G blushing and me laughing really hard. We had to explain to the guy what we were actually talking about.
The other coworker said "OH! Thank God..." and then he recommended a pill gun to solve the issue.
Awkward yet hilarious.
Lincoln Said ItGiphy
One time in school I had to give a speech to present the pro-confederate flag side, and I was making a point about how the conflict in the Civil War wasn't as simple as the Union trying to get rid of slavery. So I started to read off the Abraham Lincoln quotes supporting slavery and how "I do not want to make jurors or voters of Negroes".
But just before I started reading the quote, the vice-principal walked in to monitor the class. He's black.
So I kind of panicked and had to immediately follow the quote with (a redundant) "as said by Abraham Lincoln, which is what he believed at the time, and is totally not what I or anyone today believes, but was just from a different time."
(Fortunately, he addressed the class and had nice things to say about my speech.)
Did I Confess?
When I was a kid (7? 8?), I was walking home from school and the button on my jeans straight up just popped open. Not sure how that happened. I was trying to fix it, when this older lady walked by. She said something to me, but I was so focused on fixing my pants that I didn't hear what she said. I responded with the generic "yeah" thing.
Then I realized she wasn't look at me, she was looking at the wall behind me. I glanced back, and realized that someone (a dog?) had peed on the wall. I just ran away, taking a long way around to get home, because she very possibly asked me if I had peed on the wall, and I told her yes.
"Hide Your Stuff!"
When my niece was 5 I took her to the movies and we snuck in candy and snacks. I played around with her to make her feel like it was some secret operation and we had fun smuggling it into the theater. We made it a game.The employees at the theater had black uniforms, and I told my niece if you see the people dressed in black hide the candy or we'll be kicked out. Movie starts and I forget all about it.
Then an employee walks into the theater in the middle of the movie. My niece sees him and yells (because of course she can't say this quietly):
"Uncle! A black man! Hide your stuff!"
I just sank into my chair praying the movie would end soon.
My family moved to America when i was around 12 and bought a business we still run. A few years later I started helping out with the business after school. One day dad was telling me how there is this lady that walks by every day who from behind looks exactly like my grandma, whom we dearly missed since we had not been able to go back home.
A few days later I'm working in the back and i hear dad calling me, so i run out and he's pointing out the lady to me who really does look exactly like grandma. I thought nothing of it until we both walked back in and everyone was giving us weird looks. Then i realized to everyone else it looked like dad called his teenage son to come check out the ass of a septuagenarian.
When I was in high school, I accidentally spilled a bottle of grandma's pills, as I tried to put them back into the bottle my mother just walked into the kitchen to see my hand full of pills and my other hand holding the bottle. While she stared at me with wide eyes all I could say was "this isn't what it looks like" because she probably thought I was going to drug myself with them.
IBS And Maintenance
I was in dorms for work at a remote mine. The rooms were set up with one bathroom between every two bedrooms. They kindly tried to put a night shifter with a day shifter so your neighbor would be gone while you slept, nice and quiet.
So there's me and my IBS doing what we do as I get ready for work one evening. Somehow the damn toilet got clogged with a bunch of diarrhea in it. I had work very soon, and my bathroom-buddy was probably just getting off the bus to come "home". Time was of the essence.
I checked everywhere for a plunger, well, only options were the laundry room, and flag a cleaner down to ask them to check their locked storage room. No plunger. I phone maintenance with maybe ten minutes to get across the compound to my bus... they tell me they don't loan plungers, clogs must be dealt with by maintenance staff only. UGH!!! And of course that person was on break for another half hour.
I ended up needing to leave for work. My efforts to fix the situation had taken up all my time and I didn't even get a minute to leave an apology note.
So she thought I left things like that as a prank or something. I came home to a note raging at me for being "sick and twisted" and it was not funny to do that to her and she'd been tired from a long shift, so cruel of me yadda yadda yadda.
I left her a note back explaining it was not cruelty by me just by fate, she understood and retracted her rage, I apologized again and again.
The reason I didn't have to kill myself is that the schedule and dorm layout meant we never actually laid eyes on each other. She never knew my name, face or even voice. THANK GOODNESS!
Not An Affair
I spend a lot of time with a man who lost his wife. I am married., my husband travels for work. He and I all over social media together. He's very good looking. He is also in a relationship with a man now. People ask questions, but that is his story to tell.
Getting Explicit With Auntie
I was about 12 years old and went to see my auntie with my mom. As we pull up outside her house, she is outside in the driveway. I see her, and me being a cool hip kid but a peace sign up- but by my mouth and at the same time stuck my tongue out- making a very explicit gesture that innocent little me had no idea about. I can still remember the look on her face...
How about the time I looked like I was beating up a 9 year old when I was 14 at camp?
We'd had some night game, like night tag or hide and seek or something and our cabin of 6-7 campers in the 9-14 age range were hopped up on sugar treats and excited. One of the smaller campers crawled into his sleeping bag quickly and what started as verbally teasing him turning into a tickling and poking contest making him squirm and infectious laughter got to all of us.
I was one of the tallest and the oldest kid in the cabin and grabbed a broom we used to sweep the floor and poked him with that too. Winds up I poked him in the throat and he was freaking out and started crying right as the cabin counselor guy showed up. Dude walked into a cabin of laughing kids with the smallest one in his sleeping bag gagging and freaking out. He flipped out on me, screaming about hurting the kids.
Gramps And The BongGiphy
Out on a hunting trip, two friends hopped in their truck to smoke weed out of a bong. They were trying to be discreet by smoking the bong in the middle seat. Little did they know, One friend's grandpa was watching suspiciously from afar.
When they went inside, a conversation began and culminated with grandpa's, "You can't tell me you weren't blowin' him!" He saw one friends head go back (to let out smoke), while the other friend ripped the bong.
They tried to explain, and he may have believed them, telling them they were smoking the devil's lettuce so that must have been why it looked that way.
I still love to pull out the "You can't tell me you weren't blowing him" in grandpa's voice as a reminder. RIP gramps.
Exactly What It Looks Like
When I was about 15 or 16 or so, I saw one of those things that was like, "The distance between the tip of your pinkie and thumb is the same as..." So I got a ruler and measured, and sure enough whatever it was happened to be correct. Regardless, leaving the ruler at the computer for your mom to notice was somewhat of a bad idea.
Watching Requiem for a Dream alone in my room. Dad walks in an sees the "ass to ass" scene on my monitor. He just walks out. I felt so powerless. One of the most powerful, terrible, and sad moments in cinema is then interpreted by my dad as me watching porn.
At a family wedding and I take my little nephew was who around 4 years old to the toilet.
He finishes and then has trouble getting his zipper back up.
Cue my father-in-law walking in on us, with me on my knees tugging at my nephew's zipper as he is crying his eyes out!
Thanks, Terror Squad
This was mid 2000s back in high school. Lean back by the Terror Squad was hot and everyone got into it and always leaned back to some degree when the chorus came on.
I was with two of my boys and one of them has the song playing from his phone with his hand curved around the speaker of the phone to make it sound louder. We got really into it and so as we're walking in the hallway, we hold each others shoulders and take a step back every time Fat Joe says 'now lean back'. Halfway through getting passed the longest corridor in the building, one of us looks behind and what followed was one the most awkward experiences in my life. Walking right behind us, or should i say limping, was the Economics teacher, let's call him Mr. Rabbi. Mr. Rabbi had one foot shorter than the other and as a result, a limp in his walk, identical to our lean back dance move.
We sped walk the rest of the corridor and booked it to the nearest exit as soon as we turned the corner.
Everyone has their travel bucket list.
The list of places they absolutely must visit before they die.
There are those, however, who also have a rather different list of destinations.
The places that have no intention to visit.
Be it for safety concerns, language barriers, or simply that there's nothing at these places that calls to them, there are places some wouldn’t dream of spending the time and money to visit.
Redditor TrooperJohn was curious to hear which places were at the very bottom of the list of travel destinations for his fellow Redditors, leading them to ask:
"What is a popular tourist destination you have no interest in visiting?"
Oasis in the desert? No thank you.
"Why and whats special about it?"
"Its a modern city in a desert."- Maximum_Calendar_791.
"A fake city with fake people, no human rights, where the world's tallest buildings hide corruption and slavery in their shadows."
"It's like someone decided to take every problem of mankind and concentrate it in one spot."- PayNoNoticeOfMe.
"Dubai one i think it is ugly two I would die in two minutes of me being there I can't stand anything above 40 c°."- BookWormPerson.
One of the seven wonders is one too many for me.
"The pyramids. "
"Too many horror stories of Egypt."- Aemiom.
"Not really a destination, but taking a cruise."- Shortbus_Playboy.cruise ship vacation GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy
Mountains aren't really my thing.
"You use a bunch of money to get in there them come down."
"And trash your whole way there. It's literally a corner in the Earth insufferable for humans and we still made a way to go there to trash it."- ACLullaby.
It's in my own backyard... but still not interested.
"I have lived about 15km away from the Burj Khalifa ever since it was made."
"I could not care any less besides the occasional pointing out the 'shiny tall building' to my nieces.- legolosss.
The pictures are enough for me.
"Friends who've made the journey to Mount Rushmore mostly say it was no big deal and not worth the effort or expense to travel there."- Back2Bach.States Selfie GIF by Ethan BarnowskyGiphy
Hustle and Bustle? No thanks.
"Whether it's cities, structures, I don't care."
"I'd rather go to a boring empty quiet place than a place full of people."- TheSmeep.
They're watching us.
"That creepy a** place in Japan with all the realistic dolls."
"No thank you."dolly dearest horror GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy
Some dream of paying a visit to these places.
Others hope they never have to set foot there, and will choose to leave it to the other millions of tourists.
To each, their own.
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When it comes to electing a leader, the choice is an easy one if a potential candidate shares the same values as yours.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"
Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
"Better to ask the question in r/conservative"
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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Being home alone isn't always the most tranquil thing.
No one is there to help or protect you.
And things that go "bump" in the night... sometimes they do more than bump.
Redditor ag9910 wanted to hear about the times home felt like an unsafe place to be. They asked:
"What is the scariest, strangest, most unexplainable thing that has happened to you while home alone?"
I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?Wind Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy
"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
I See YouStaring I See You GIF by QuikTripGiphy
"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
MeowHappy Cat GIF by ChubbiverseGiphy
"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The human body is still such a mystery.
How much do we really know?
Not a lot apparently. We're learning more all the time.
And most of it is gross.
Redditor BathNo7713 wanted to discuss the ick factor of anatomy. So they asked:
"What is the most disturbing fact about the human body?"
The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
Functionsanimation art GIFGiphy
"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
GrossBasketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy
"It is always making disgusting body noises."
"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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