People Share Their Best "I'm Fired Again, Aren't I?" Moments
I don't need this job anyway!
Holding down a job is supposed to be easy, isn't it? How often are we stuck working a job we hate just to survive? Even if it's a job we enjoy, it just takes one 'oops' moment to bring everything tumbling down. Many times it's a genuine mistake and we get another chance, but we almost never get a third. Some of these are close calls, while others are definite fails. Hey, If we are going to go, why not go out with a bang?
Redditor u/SirApatosaurus asks:
What was the "I'm fired aren't I?" moment you experienced or witnessed?
A Million Dollar Mistake
I worked at Roche as a security guard for a while. One day I was walking the floor of the manufacturing area and was asked to accompany a guy to get a roll of Palladium. Palladium was used to make the test strips that go into blood glucose meters, its an insanely expensive metal and comes in rolls that cost (at the time) around $100,000 each.
I walked with him to get it and while he was getting the roll off the shelf something happened and three rolls fell into another shelf and a lot of rolls cascaded to the floor. This ruined them. The total damage was almost a million dollars. He wanted to leave right then and avoid the firing but I convinced him he might not get fired since it was an accident. He was gone the next day.
I feel like whoever decided to stack millions of dollars worth of precious metal on a shelf as if they were rolls of paper towel should have been fired too.
The Wendy's Approach To Tweets
An acquaintance once came close to getting fired when he forgot to switch his account and tweeted "Aussies are bloody cheats" from his company's account.
Reminds me of when someone at Chrysler forgot to switch accounts and tweeted on the official account "I find it ironic that Detroit is known as the motor city yet no one here knows how to f*cking drive."
Taking the Wendy's approach to tweets.
Need A Lift?
I used to work at a lumber yard back in the late 80s. A guy that worked across the street kept parking in a spot on the property that was reserved for an elderly gentlemen who worked the gate and was with the company for 50 years. The guy was told dozens of times to not park there but kept doing it. One day the nephew of the old man lost it and took one of the heavy duty fork-lifts and picked the car up and moved (dumped actually) it across the street. We all sat there with our jaws open and the dude just parked the fork-lift, grabbed his lunch pail, shook hands with the foreman and walked out. No words were exchanged... he knew he was fired but didn't care.
Please Don't Google 'Pixelated Bukkake'
My coworker was drunk and playing cards against humanity and, inspired, tried to tweet "pixelated bukkake" but accidentally did it from the company account (which I ran but he had access to). People were sending us screenshots of it for days.
SEPARATE ACCOUNTS SEPARATE DEVICES. I don't care how convenient it is having both on one device, it's too damn risky.
That Was Too Close.
My best friend and I worked together for years at a small sandwich shop. One day we were closing together and we were talking some mad shit about our manager. Just ripping into the guy. We said what we said, had our laugh as we finished ranting, and I mockingly turned around and said "oh, hey (manager's name)!!" As if he had been there listening to us the whole time.
From down the hall we hear "How'd you know I was here?! I just walked through the door!"
Cue us both sh!tting ourselves at how close we cut it.
Your Totally Screwdriver-ed.
I used to work in a warehouse right after high school. Not knowing how everything worked and it being my first real full time job I just did what I was told and tried my best to impress the bosses. One day in the packaging room someone had thrown a screw driver out of anger and it stuck into the drywall. Out of hilarity my manager bet the guy 2 gas station taquitos he couldn't do it again. This became a daily thing around lunch time. Everyone would gather around and throw screw drivers at the wall and whoever's didn't stick had to buy lunch. Well this was right over a $8,000 heat shrink machine. And guess who accidentally hit the control panel breaking the machine... well one day one of the owners came back looking for something specific and noticed the bludgeoned wall. Looks at all of us Owner : "so you guys have been throwing screw drivers at the wall?"
Me: hangs head "yes" Owner: "that's cool" walks away Never got fired. He was extremely pissed about the machine I had broke though. He ended up just buying a better one.
I think if anyone got fired in that story, it should be the manager who allowed it to happen.
Caught Between A Lock And A Hard Place
Thought I lost a master key that worked at 6 locations (about 400 doors ) that would need re-keying ... 2 weeks into a new job ... someone took it off my desk to teach me a lesson about keeping it on my desk and not putting it in the key safe.
Lol, this happened to me during a school fundraiser when I was like 10.
My class was raising money for something or other, and we left the cash box unattended. The principal came by and nabbed it and we all freaked out. Later, when she told us she'd done it herself, she asked the class what we'd learned from the experience. I raised my hand and said "Don't leave money unattended because the principal might steal it?"
She was not amused.
Day-Don't-Care Service
When I was a kid, there was a van that used to come and pick us all up from school and take us to daycare. One day all the daycare kids loaded up onto the van and the driver told us that we weren't going to daycare. We were going to her house.
Apparently her 12 year old daughter had been told not to get on the school bus that day, but to get on the daycare van. She disobeyed and got on the school bus anyway. Her mom was pissed and wanted to meet the school bus at their house to catch her daughter.
So while she sat waiting for an hour for the bus to arrive with her daughter, we got to play on her trampoline in the backyard. While all of our parents were trying to figure out why our van hadn't ever gotten to the daycare.
She eventually loaded us up into the van with her daughter and drove us back to the daycare, where police were waiting and parents were crying. It was then that realization dawned on her face that perhaps that wasn't the best thing to do. She lost her job that day.
Totally Forked Up
Happened at my last workplace. My colleague needed a specific washing machine for a customer. We had a pretty small warehouse for our stuff and it was around Christmas time, so you can imagine how much stuff we got in there on top of each other. Anyway, the washing machines were stacked up on top of each other and the one he needed was right at the edge of something that was similar to a pyramid. The gets the fork-lifter and he aims directly at it without thinking about moving the machines on top of it. As you can already imagine, the whole thing collapsed and he basically destroyed a bunch of washing machines, TV's and some other stuff. Our boss rushed in the warehouse and you could tell by the face of my colleague that it said: "I'm fired, right?"
Definitely Not Having It Your Way
Working at McDonalds as a teenager in the 80s. Our store was running something like a double cheeseburger special for 99 cents. Guy who has issues being bossed around at work so likes to abuse teenagers pulls up to the drive through starts bitching about he can get a 99 cent double cheese burger anywhere, hell he could go to Burger King, so why don't I give him a big mac for 99 cents? Now our store does run a 99 cent Big Mac special once a year. It is not that time, and us order takers can't change the price. So I explain our special right now is 99 cent double cheeseburgers, and I have no option to change the price. I do this as politely as my teenage self can, which I admit could be part of the problem.
This doesn't sit well for our working class hero, who doesn't like being told by a know-nothing, lazy teenager that he can't have it like he wants it. Again with the "I could go to Burger King" bitching. He wastes about 5 minutes of my time, letting the line backup in the drive thru. Which, of course, is his intent. When if finally dawns on him that I'm not going to ring him up for 99 cent Big Macs he get hopping mad, but eventually places an order.
He comes to the window, pays. As I hand him back his change, he, still hopping mad, bitching up a storm, and now profane, mentions again he "could have gone to fucking Burger King for 99 cent double cheeseburgers."
At this moment, I know I'm fired. Because I know what I want to say, and f*ck it I'm saying it. I smile as annoying as only teenagers can, look him straight in the eye, and say, "Well then, go to f*cking Burger King and stop wasting everyone's time." Then I slam the window shut and start taking the next order. He bellows like a wounded walrus, bangs on the window, shouting every profanity he can think of. I'm just smiling and taking the orders from the backup, not a care in the world. I'm a teenager. I can get a load of minimum wage paying fast food jobs like this. In fact, I'm already thinking of when I should go to the McDonald's across town to apply. Hell, they're nowhere near as busy as this location, and I have a friend trying to get me to quit and come there anyway. Knowing these are my last moments makes ignoring the furious asshole easy. Eventually, he moves to the 2nd window to get his food. He shouts for a manager because no "GODDAMNED LAZY TEENAGER IS GOING TO DISRESPECT HIM!" He bellows profanely at our manager for a few minutes before snatching his food and burning out the wheels to get out of there.
My manager walks over to me, here it comes, and looks at me with innocent eyes and says as sweetly as possible, "did you tell that nice customer to 'go to Burger King'?"
Me, proudly, "Yes I did."
Manager, with that same sweet voice, "Good boy." She then walks away as if the whole thing never happened.
From Hissy Fit To Generous Tip
When I graduated high school I got a job as a bellhop at a Marriott. The front desk would transfer all request for direction calls to our phone. First night there by myself and my phone rings, dude says he must be close because he's been driving on Route 78 for 2 hours.
I got confused where he was and turned him around...he drove back the wrong way for an hour before he realized I messed up.
He came in furious.
Storming over to the bellstand where I was standing.....he says Hi Paul, I'm looking for a moron ..that just gave me the most half-assed directions...he's incompetent and I need something done about this NOW!
Stunned silence...Paul? Why is he calling me Paul?
HOLY SH*T!......PAUL!!!!I totally forgot that because I was so new I had to borrow another bell mans name tag.
Sir, we'll handle this immediately. I took out a dry cleaning ticket and wrote myself up a "disciplinary form" and assured the person that Pantarus is on probation and would be fired immediately.
He was happy...tipped me 20 bucks and went on his merry way :)
Here's a little lesson on trickery
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I started my evening warehouse job right before thanksgiving. I needed this job too-it was a great blessing to get it. I was newly married (1 yr) and had a baby girl, we made hardly anything and this job was literally an answer to prayer.
After a few weeks I finally received my forklift certification. I was trying to turn in a tight spot and accidentally broke of the rear light housing off the forklift. Not wanting to hide it, I immediately told my coworkers and they said don't sweat it. Just tell the supervisor, you'll probably get your hand slapped but that's easy to replace. So I went to my supervisor to tell him.
He looked at me with a straight face and said, "you're fired." I just wanted to make sure he wasn't kidding (I had a sinking suspicion that he wasn't), so I asked if he was serious. He then said, "yes, a safety violation in your probation period." I started to walk away to the locker room-devastated. He called me back and said, "you're not fired, thanks for telling me."
That one hurt. But- I have been with the company now 8 years and worked my way into a corporate role!
Wrong Sext
One of the helpdesk team that worked for me was sending sexy texts to his wife Andrea, when he sent a very graphic, descriptive text explaining exactly what he was going to do to her when he got home. Unfortunately, he sent it to Andrew, one of our biggest clients - Andrew's name was next to Andrea's in this guy's contacts on his phone. He came rushing in to my office the second he'd sent it and I had to ring Andrew to limit the damage. Andrew was fine about it, he said he thought my guy seemed 'really friendly'!
EDIT: This happened in 2000ish when the Nokia 3310 was around. No smartphones or anything like that.
Thanks, Uncle Sam
My first day of my first job I rolled a Silverado off a cliff that had under a thousand miles on the odo. I figured I would just go turn in all my stuff and start looking for a new job but my boss was incredibly worried that I was okay, told me not to even worry about the truck and personally took me to the ER to get checked out even though I insisted I was perfectly fine. It was a government contract and Uncle Sam picked up the bill for everything and I worked there for another 16 months.
He Hit Me First!
Two stories...
My first job was with Honey Baked Ham. For giggles, I thought it'd be funny to answer the phone and say, "Thank you for calling HBH where our meat is always tender and moist!" There was a brief moment of silence and then I heard my manager on the other end say, "Excuse me?!"
Worked at a Day care in college. Had twin boys in my class that were very rambunctious. We had a football that I would throw to the kids a lot (especially the boys) because they seemed to really enjoy it. This was the chain of events on my last day.
Twin one steps really close to me and holds his arm back like he's going to chunk the ball at me point blank. I said, "Don't throw that at me." so he of course does and runs off. I picked the ball up and threw it at him and as the ball was in mid air he turns around and the ball hits him right between the legs. He literally drops to his knees and screams. The teacher in the room next to me knew it was an accident and takes him inside to get him some water and butter him up. Twin two approaches, "YOU HIT MY BROTHER" he goes to throw the ball at me as hard as he can and I put my foot up to kick it and I end up kicking him right in the nuts... He drops to the ground and screams. At this very moment the after school director walks out with the previous Twin and now sees the second one on the ground holding his crotch. She says, "OMG you hit another one?!" and all i could think to say was, "He hit me first!" I knew right then I was done.
Every town has a secret.
Secrets, lies, and darkness run rampant everywhere... if you look closely enough.
The only thing worse than the secret is the cover-up.
The way people scramble to hide facts and keep truths hidden is masterful and scary.
Redditor j_breezy_ wanted to discuss what sinister tales cities and towns have to tell, so they asked:
"What’s your small town trying to cover up?"
Secrets, secrets, secrets... all towns have them.
All people have them.
The Land
Fox Death GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphy"There's a lively discussion about whether or not to repurpose land from an abandoned cemetery by exhuming those interred there and reburying them elsewhere. A commercial developer wants to build condos on land currently occupied by the cemetery."
Back2Bach
Do It Right The First Time...
"The city attempted to seize land to lay piping down without paying for it or permission, force homeowners to maintain it, and then force the homeowners to pay for the work and a large hook-up fee. It caused a huge ruckus, and the city was forced to go through the proper procedures to buy the land, lay the pipes, and fix and pay for any damages caused by the pipe laying."
"You see most folks in that area of town had septic tanks. The city wanted to charge more people for utilities so basically went around the voters to force the pipes through, claiming the people on the back of the properties wanted to be connected to the city. This wasn’t true and they faced a few dozen lawsuits because they fraudulently condemned septic tanks to force people onto the city line."
"My family ended up helping force the city to negotiate and do things properly. The stupid part of all of this, if they had just done it right the first time, they would have saved millions in labor, experts, and lawsuits and next to nobody would have cared."
Rachel1578
'Red Flagged'
"Not trying to necessarily 'cover it up' but the fire department doesn’t have an engine and the township board has not approved any of the ones that have been submitted to get a 'new' engine (not brand new cause those are expensive but ones that are useable). The board also thinks that the department doesn’t need to have safe gear."
"They’ve also said that the trucks do not need repairs and this has been going on for awhile, which has cause the issue of the engine being 'red flagged' (meaning it had to be taken out of commission). My father in law is the fire chief and my other half is on the department."
Next-Rutabaga-5060
The Mystery
"That the water in an area is clearly causing 'mysterious brain disease' where people just like... suddenly can't walk. I put 'mysterious brain disease' in quotes because a google search will tell you it's cyanobacteria, and the area has a giant plant that is clearly dumping stuff in the water to cause these issues."
"But the entire province's government just shrugged their shoulders and said 'wow that's weird, too bad all the cases have nothing in common!' (They all are from this one area of the world reporting this) and moved on with our lives. Here's the WIKI PAGE because it's big enough news that it gets it's own wiki page I guess: Mysterious Brain Disease"
River_tamm
Wasted
half life tech GIF by Feliks Tomasz KonczakowskiGiphy"Radioactive waste. Port Hope, Ontario. Cameco AKA Eldorado Nuclear (The people who processed the uranium used for the nuclear bombs in WW2) used to bury the waste all over town or send it straight into lake Ontario. Years/billions of dollars later and the problem still isn't solved."
Ro7ard
How many towns are toxic wastelands? It's a disgrace.
Marshed
"I’ve got a few…"
"The Quakers leased a large piece of land to glass makers for centuries. The land is basically in a marsh. As the Industrial Revolution took off, the manufacturing methods caused significant pollution. The large corporations that manufactured there never really updated the methods to comply with EPA."
"The site has been seeping chemicals into the watershed for a very long time. Just up the river is one of the first chemical production sites for DuPont. They dumped directly into the river. The old guys in the area talk about trucking thousands of barrels out of the site and dumping them into lakes, gravel pits, and quarries."
Jamescovey
Eminent Domain...
"Not a small town by any stretch of the imagination, but I live in a poor midsized city bordering a larger city, which has the full spectrum. They keep building stadiums, amusement parks, etc here. The city pulls eminent domain on several square blocks, runs everyone who lives there out, and gives the land to a developer for almost nothing."
"Then they waive all property and sales tax for several decades, longer than the facility will be in use. Almost nobody here votes, the few that do are unaware of the tax waivers, so it keeps going on despite the fact that there's literally no benefit to the city or the city government."
"We have higher taxes than our neighbor, but no public transit, way worse roads, and regular problems with power and water. But the city council and mayor are rich as f**k. I'm sure that's got nothing to do with it."
PM_ME_YOUR_FERNET
True Crime
"This is a sad one to me. There was an older couple here who ran a halfway house for troubled kids who’d recently gotten out of juvie, they fostered a few as well. They were loved in the community, wonderful people."
"One of them had an older brother who was a gangbanger in the nearest big city. During a visit, he snuck his 15 year old younger bro a handgun. Younger bro ended up holding up a local gas station and killed three people."
"One of them was my friend’s cousin."
"The foster parents lost whatever credentials they needed to do what they did, the kids went back into the system, and the giant house has been abandoned since around 2009."
KimBass2
A Dead End
"The fact that it's slowly dying, and has been for the last 10+ years. No amount of downtown renovation on the mom and pop craft shops or new fast food and cheap retail stores can change the fact that all the big industrial companies left town and there has been no attempt to replace them and no job opportunities other than... the fast food, cheap retail stores and mom and pop craft shops."
"This town (the whole county, really) is a dead end. Also, the tap water has WAY too much chlorine and other garbage in it and 9 times out of 10 your laundry will end up getting bleach stains. That's been a complaint for 20 years or more."
ZormkidFrobozz
Good Lord
"About 10 years ago a lot of homeless people disappeared and when the police did the investigation they found out a guy was kidnapping and eating those people. Police found his hideout and found a half eaten body and bones from another person. People don't like to talk about it but everyone knows what happened."
Deb_Mack
Some places have just too many secrets.
Do you have any some town secrets to share? Let us know in the comments below.
What people deem appropriate to say in public these days can be shocking.
I know that we all have to vent and share, but you may want to reign in a few thoughts before speaking.
I'm not entirely sure that confessing to crimes and plotting deaths is basic chit chat.
But what do I know?
Everyone is loose with their thoughts today, others be damned.
But don't be shocked if someone calls the police just from chatter over an espresso.
Redditor Phantom_Balls wanted to hear about all the horrible things they've been told in conversation, so they asked:
"What’s the most disturbing thing someone has told you casually?"
Disturbing conversation is just part of dating.
That's why I'm single.
The Criminal
"Dude who ran the local pizza shop had a few drinks one night and mentioned that the reason they immigrated to the US was that his dad, an older dude who was always sitting in the corner of the restaurant reading, had strangled a dude to death in a bar fight and they had to GTFO of their home country to avoid prosecution/retribution."
mejok
No Chance
"16 year old kid on meth at a youth homeless shelter I was at talked about how his dad beat his mom to death. He spoke like he was talking about any other old thing. I’ve not felt so bad for someone before then. He was given no chance at life and he was just a kid."
skippymcflippy2
The Weather
"I am a hairdresser so I hear lots of crazy sh*t but the one that sticks out to me is from a woman, I had been doing her hair for years and who was in her 70s. I hadn’t seen her in a few months which I found weird since she came in weekly but then she shows up one day with long wild hair. I told her I had missed her and it was great to see her again."
"She looks me straight in the face and casually says 'Oh my son drown at the beach a few months ago when we were on vacation and then I had a mental breakdown so they sent me to a mental institute for a while.'"
"Then she just started talking about the the weather like it was the most normal thing ever to say. I also still did her hair for a few years after that until she passed away and she never said anything about that again or acted off. Just so disturbing but I guess losing a child can make you a bit crazy."
Poctah
Cadavers
"My parents divorced when I was a toddler. Afterwards, my mother had a string of boyfriends. Most of them were decent guys, but the last guy she dated before she walked out of my life entirely was clearly a psychopath. He was a Vietnam vet, an army medic. He would tell us how he and his fellow students in med school would get drunk then sneak into where they kept the cadavers after hours and do things with them, like electro shock them, put on music and dance with them, etc."
"He was cracking up laughing reminiscing about it. Keep in mind, too, that he told me this the first time I met him. I was 10. He mentioned this while we having dinner together one night."
TheBoomExpress
The Family
"I knew a woman in college who’s brother was murdered (he was having an affair with a married woman), then her parents were driving to the town where the funeral was to be held and they were killed in a car accident. The woman lost an entire family in a matter of days in two separate incidents."
wyoflyboy68
"I had dinner last night with my bf’s friend and his gf. His gf is super sweet and we bonded over a lot of similarities. She casually dropped last night that her mom died 6 years ago, her dad died 360 days after that, and her brother died shortly after. I had NO idea how to respond."
isweedglutenfree
Losing everyone can drive anyone off the rails.
The Rabbit
"A friend of mine was pet-sitting my rabbit (she had foster rabbits and two guinea pigs of her own). When I went to pick up my rabbit, I noticed one of the guinea pigs was missing. When I asked where he was, she casually proceeded to tell me that he was sick, but she didn't really feel like taking him to the vet, so she put him in her freezer and left him there to die. She said she knew he was dead when he stopped running around and making noise in there. Suffice to say, she never watched my rabbit again."
L00kAlive25
The 12th Hole
"Playing golf (it was a golf outing) with one of my younger commercial lenders (I was regional president at the time) when he admitted to fabricating financial statements to get loans approved. He did this while we were walking to the green on the 12th hole. As we continued to play golf I explained to him that he will be terminated and will likely go to jail. His network credentials and building access was cut before we finished golf. I terminated him in the parking lot. He eventually went to jail."
-Economist-
These are some harrowing things to overhear! We might need some secondhand therapy.
Have you ever overheard something truly unbelievable? Let us know in the comments below.
There are certain life events that are painfully embarrassing to most people, they might never recover from them.
Although plenty of scenarios can make a person want to crawl into a hole never to see the light of day again, the most mortifying experiences typically involve those of a NSFW nature.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor stgunknonw asked:
"What's the most embarrassing NSFW thing that's ever happened to you in public?"
The classic wardrobe malfunction is always embarrassing.
Crowd Surf Fail
"I was at a gig. The band playing was called Decapitated. One guy I met that night decided to crowd surf me. It went wrong. I began to fall. My glasses flew off into the abyss. He grabbed my t-shirt and it tore in 2. Then people tried to catch me by grabbing my jeans. Then fell down along with my underwear to my ankles. I was on the floor. Blind and naked."
– T_raltixx
Airborne Judo Pants
"When I was six years old I was super, super, super skinny. My parents enrolled me in a judo class and after about a month or so of practice, the parents were all invited to a judo competition. Before things started, one of the instructors was demonstrating a basic flipping someone over the back technique. I was chosen to be the one flipped by the instructor. When the instructor demonstrated the flip, my judo pants went flying off into the spectators leaving me laying on the mat in just my tightly whities."
– wyoflyboy68
The Midnight Show
"I was performing in a play, and had a very quick costume change off stage and had like....90 seconds to change these victorian-style dresses."
"So my bestie was also in the show, and he was offstage, waiting with the costume so I could get into the new dress, get it zipped up, and we walk out together."
"This dress was an open and low neckline, and I could not wear a bra with it...so I was basically nude while changing backstage. That part wasn't too bad, and he was the only one who got the full shot he was gay and we'd known each other 20 years, so it was all good in that aspect. The main takeaway with this: NO BRA!"
"However... he had forgotten to completely hook the sides that required being sinched up."
"So we go onstage....do the dinner scene.....everything great."
"The dinner scene ends up turning into a chase scene with all characters at the table running around chasing each other. I slip in front of the table, hitting the stage and sliding on my stomach, facing the audience...."
"And my boobs had both fallen right out."
"In front of the audience."
"It was easier NOT to see my boobs - they came right the hell out - I'm splayed out and before I realize what's happened...I stand up and see 'Oh hey....there's my boobs on the wrong side of my costume."
"My bestie comes over and covers me and we get me fixed fairly quickly, (The fall, my boob show, and the fix probably happened within 20 seconds total - it just felt like hours.)"
"He turns to the audience and says 'Folks, you definitely got your money's worth tonight.'"
– TheseCryptographer95
Free-Ballin'
"Wore a costume to a huge Halloween party one year that included an ill-fitting G-string. At some point, my family jewels slipped out of the pouch, and I was too intoxicated to notice. Spent a good portion of the party walking around cluelessly exposed before someone eventually told me."
– xxplodingboy
These former patients had it rough.
Clueless Orthopedist
"Orthopedist walks into the operating room and takes a look at the screen which shows the patient’s right leg with multiple fractures. Seconds later he says out loud: 'How the f'k are we going to fix that?'”
"Everyone in the room falls silent and turns their gaze to the orthopedist and the anesthetiser whispers: 'He’s in spinal anaesthesia…'”
"The orthopaedists eyes widen for a moment, he clears his throat and says loudly: 'We’ll make a leg out of this yet. Scalpel #10 please.'”
– Kyoshiro80
Painful Flight
"I had plastic surgery for cancer on my face. What I didn't know is they pump you full of gas and that the anaesthetic also hits your system pretty hard. I had to fly home bandaged like the Mummy but the bad part was once the plane was pressurized, I had uncontrollable gas and pain in my face. For 4 hours. I couldn't laugh because it hurt, couldn't cry - same reason. So I wedged myself into the toilet after apologizing to the crew and they kept slipping me ginger ale and holding my hand because it hurt so bad. I sent a letter to the airline with all of their names and told the COB they deserved raises. I hope that the smell wasn't so bad that it was killing people near the toilet."
– EmmelineTx
Sometimes it's hard to keep track of all your computer activity. Perhaps these incidents will prevent embarrassment in the future.
Mind They Google Search
"I saw a bad a** documentary on bears. There was a segment about this black bear that had mange and they were trying to save it. They shaved all its fur off and it looked f'king insane. Looked like a monster tbh. Anyways flash forward to thanksgiving my whole family is sitting around a new projector that we hooked up in the living room sharing funny videos and pictures and having a good ol ha ha time."
"My grandma/grandpa, mom, dad, sisters uncles, everyone is present. I’m like 'hey I got a good one I think you guys will think is interesting!' So on the F'king projector in front of my whole family I type 'Naked Shaved Bears' into the Google search, on an 88’ projector. F'king god that day haunts me every time I close my eyes at night."
– FireFromThaumaturgy
Current Activity
"Clicked on a link on a school computer in a full classroom. It lead to a website that played 'IM WATCHING GAY PORN' Full blast out of the speakers with a very NSFW gif, the website was also unclosable."
– prawduhgee
Onboard Entertainment
"When I was 13, I opened my laptop on a Caltrain and other people were around me and my family. As soon as I opened it, the screensaver was an nsfw, pretty tame nsfw pic that I set as a screensaver. I immediatey shut it closed and turned around to see if anyone saw it. An old lady had a mortified look on her face but I turned back around fast. F'k. Repressed memories... thanks a lot OP!!"
– cuntofredemption
What The Customers Saw Inside The Store
"10 years ago I accompanied a friend to a crowded Boots store so he could have a photo of his pet dog printed on to canvas. He had to upload the photo via usb on the store computer… which was surrounded by families. He happily put the usb in… blissfully unaware that instead of being greeted by a picture of his lovable mutt on the oversized monitor, we (and the many people around us) would be greeted by multiple peen pics that he’d neglected to delete. God knows… but I couldn’t question him instantly seeing as by the time I’d digested what I’d seen; he’d already pulled the USB and ran from the store at full sprint leaving me with the hordes of stunned grandmothers, disgusted parents, and upset children."
– BarraDoner
Sound Of Pleasure
"Opened up my laptop in the school library to do some homework, turns out I had not closed the porn that I was watching the night before, didnt have headphones in."
– Lau_wings
A "friend" I was roommates with answered the door for the UPS guy to deliver a package.
Little did my friend know he was also delivering the goods but with a peep show.
The opening in his worn-out boxers he happened to be wearing had a tendency of not closing all the way and revealing his member getting some fresh air.
It's no wonder the UPS guy was scrunching his face bizarrely while waiting for a signature. He was trying his darnedest not to laugh out of embarrassment for him. Or maybe he liked what he saw.
Who know? Some surprises do come in small packages.
When we're kids, we're taught by our parents, teachers, and other adults that what we're being taught is a skill that will stick with us forever, so we'd better master it and do so quickly.
But as any '90s kid will tell you, some things like balancing checkbooks and researching out of an encyclopedia really do become obsolete skills over time.
Redditor hollowreader asked:
"Millennials, what skill did you acquire in the 90s that you no longer use?"
Balancing a Checkbook
"I was taught how to balance a checkbook. I remember learning how to do it and thinking there must be a better way."
- no_onion_no_cry
Navigating the Dewey Decimal System
"I was in a new library recently. This is when I found out that not every library still uses Dewey decimal. They were using the library of the Congreve system. Totally different."
- bobjkelly
The Ones Who Get It, Get It
"Be kind. Rewind."
- spaghettibeans
Computer Knowledge Taking Up Memory
"I'm late Gen-X but I have a LOT of computer knowledge that is absolutely obsolete. BIOS and DOS interrupts, actually having to limit memory usage, storing booleans in actual bits rather than a whole byte, Mode 0x13 graphics, ANSI escape codes, all kinds of junk."
- faceeatingleopard
Making Friends
"I mean, really, when do you get the opportunity? I'm at home, or I'm at work. When I'm at work, I'm working from home, and when I'm at home, I'm at home. There's nowhere to go to have a chance to make friends."
I'm not religious, so I don't have a church as a third place. I don't really drink, so that rules out the bar like my grandad might have done. I'm third shift, so even most evening classes or clubs I might want to participate in are ruled out."
"I don't really consider myself an introvert, but the fact is there's just no chance to meet people to make friends anymore."
- BasiliskXVIII
Knowing VHS Tapes Inside and Out
"No joke, I used to be able to tell the grade and wear of VHS tape by smell. I was part of an anime club that had a lot of tapes being traded back and forth, and I developed it simply from observation."
"I now describe this as The World's Most Useless Superpower."
- worldofcrap80
Communicating via Fax
"Knowing how to send a fax. I have not needed to do so in forever."
- i-need-blinker-fluid
Using a Typewriter
"I learned how to type on a typewriter in '94, and before the typewriter, my grandma had me practice typing exercises on a cardboard box with a QWERTY keyboard layout printed on top. I had to be able to 'type' without looking before I could get the actual typewriter."
"I can type ~130wpm (words per minute) with near total accuracy to this day though, so it did end up being a skill I put to use."
- b***h-cassidy
Sudden Career Change
"I started training to be a travel agent. That career disappeared in about three years."
- jackatman
Living Those Commercial Minutes to the Fullest
"Going to the loo and grabbing a bite to eat in the time that an advert lasts and making it back to my seat just before it starts."
- can_we_just
"Related, the skill required to vault over the furniture with your plate of nachos as your sibling yells, 'IT’S BACK OOOON!'"
- latenightneophyte
Reciting Favorite Episodes
"I watched an hour of 'The Simpsons' almost every day since it played twice on my local channel."
"We had so much less access to media than kids do now. No kid will EVER know the lines to 'Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls' as well as I did."
- ghloperr
Navigating Paper Maps
"Planning routes using a map. I used to buy an Atlas before a road trip and plan out the routes to take, highlighting them as I went. Now I just say, 'Hey Google, take me to ____,' and off we go."
- isisis
Gathering Those Top-40 Songs
"Recording songs from the radio, but no matter how careful you were, a third of the songs had the DJ talking over the intro dedicating the song to someone or repeating some random caller’s apology to his beloved HS girlfriend."
"The 1982 KFOX top 40, 'Here’s to you, Jessica,' overlay by the DJ will always be associated with that particular song even more strongly than the most powerful commercial jingles."
- Batherick
Using Encyclopedias for Research
"I had a massive history paper to write and I needed the internet and/or library to research. We had dial-up and anyone alive then knows how much it sucked and was more frustrating than helpful."
"Dad wasn’t home and my stepmom didn’t feel like taking me to the library for reasons I’m sure are still worthless, so she told me to use the encyclopedia set we had at home."
"The problem was they were published in 1959. I told her they were useless, but she insisted that 'history doesn’t change.'"
"So I asked her to look up the moon landing."
"I was grounded for two weeks and still didn’t get to go to the library."
- pourthebubbly
An Abundance of Worthless Knowledge
"I am fully capable of writing in cursive, using a card catalog, driving a manual shift car, starting a two-stroke motor, modifying an autoexec.bat file, reading a paper map and navigating with a compass, navigating with a VOR, among others and I haven't done any of those things for a very long time."
- Leucippus1
Not only did this thread bring back so many memories from childhood, but it felt bittersweet to think about all the things we learned that we can't really use anymore.
Fortunately, some of these skills might still randomly come up, like using a physical map when in an area with no reception.