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People Share The Worst Things Their Parents Did To Build Character That Completely Backfired

Character counts, right? Our parents do their best to help us be our best person, but sometimes that means abuse and tearing down our self-esteem, resulting in life-long problems and PTSD.

evaloves11 asked, Growing up, what did your parents do or make you do that was supposed to "build character" or teach you a lesson that in the long run just messed you up or made you worse?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.



Not the best way to instill confidence.

I was always taught to not speak unless spoken to and now I find it weird to initiate conversation and people who don't know me think I'm uptight.

G02_Deathscythe

This is how lawyers are made.

This sh*t:

Parent: Sweetheart, you can say anything to me. I'm your parent and you have the right to be honest with me about anything.

Me: tells them something completely honest and difficult to hear

Parent: HOW DARE YOU DO/SAY THAT? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? DAMMIT, YOU ARE THE WORST! BLA:LKJF:LSDKJF:SLDKFJS,

Turned me into a person who can lie spectacularly if I need to. And that's a damn shame.

angela_bee

Positive reinforcement is important.

Not complimenting us or saying I love you. They said no one will say good job when you grow up just simply just do the things you need to do. And my mom said her parents never sad they loved her and she turned out good so shouldn't either

Joss1999

And the cycle of abuse continues.

Screaming, calling names, unreasonably harsh punishments, not allowing any input of defense. Example: My little brother got in the mud when my stepdad was taking a nap. I got him out and told him to wait on the porch while I grabbed a towel. When I came back he had gone inside my parents bedroom and climbed on the bed, waking up my stepdad. So my stepdad dragged me outside. My mom never really did much about the way he treated me because at the end of the day they believed it would prepare me to deal with shitty situations in the real world.

Crabtoe

Like our generation can afford kids anyway?

If my dad taught me anything it's to never have kids if you're not willing or able to raise them well. I'm more than happy to end the family name, here's to generations of abuse and neglect.

Mharbles

Physical affection is essential for emotional development.

Not being open and loving with each other. I find it really hard to open up to people because I could never open up to my family. The same with physical affection. I don't like hugging people or being hugged that much and I find it quite awkward because I never really hugged anyone when I was growing up.

Moleman767

Way to tear your daughter down...

My parents made me shave all my hair when i was in high school because they somehow believed it was a distraction and not having hair would improve my grades. I went from being this confident extroverted girl to someone who couldn't look anyone in the eyes and i struggled with esteem issues for the longest time. Thanks mum and dad

applebears123

Can relate - and one apology, even if it's accepted, never feels like enough.

Not saying sorry. Apologizing somehow meant admitting weakness to her, so I never apologized for things I did for a long time. (And in turn, neither did she.) Eventually as I aged, it made me overly apologetic. Trying to train myself not to say sorry for things beyond my control now.

honestlyhopeful

Passive aggressive and mean.

Being an overweight child into my teenage years my mother would try tactics to "help" me loose weight rather then helping provide me with a healthy diet. One Christmas 80% of my gifts where clothes that where 2-3 sizes to small. As a kid/teenager Christmas is a big deal and to not only get mostly clothes, but clothes that didn't fit was so sad. I'll never forget that.

kaydawns1

This is so bad. Fight back!

Not fighting back against my bullies. I was supposed to just walk away from confrontation and be the better person, but unfortunately bullies, in particular children, don't really think that way.

Anodracs


The Lying Game

Inadvertently teaching me to lie all the time.

Punishing us when we told the truth, punishing "worse" when we were caught in a lie only showcased that lying is a gamble; a gamble that is totally worth it if you can get away with it 9 times out of 10.

I'm pretty sure I just stopped being honest with my parents after the age of 10 and never turned back.

TheLateThagSimmons

Reddit User, angela_bee, came with receipts:

Parent: Sweetheart, you can say anything to me. I'm your parent and you have the right to be honest with me about anything.

Me: tells them something completely honest and difficult to hear

Parent: HOW DARE YOU DO/SAY THAT? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? DAMMIT, YOU ARE THE WORST!

turned me into a person who can lie spectacularly if I need to. And that's a damn shame.

Bull-ies

Same. My mother, god love her, always said not to react or fight back because "they are just doing it to get a reaction". So I endured near a decade of bullying from the same kids (small town public school so my classmates were the same the whole ride) until one day I snapped and beat one into a hospital trip.

In_My_Own_Image


SpongeBob

Ugh, I can relate. My parents instilled this belief in me that the key to success was not watching "mindless" cartoons, never questioning authority, and not hanging out with the kids who did.

I was such an arrogant little s***. I seriously thought I was better than my peers because I didn't watch spongebob and did all of my homework. I made almost no friends, but I thought that was a good thing because they would just distract me from being the perfect student.

Now I'm socially inept and have no idea how to self-advocate because confronting authority induces so much anxiety in me.

acquaintancenofriend

Eating Up

My dad used to try to get me to finish my dinner by putting me outside in the dark and telling me monsters would get me. I was terrified. Whenever I didn't want to eat my food he'd threaten to put me outside again. He usually would. Now I feel incredibly stressed about eating with others, doesn't matter if they're friends or family it all makes me horrifically anxious.

Grenmill-Wheatfield

Oh man. My dad did this to me too. He had a lot of other weird food punishments which mean I can't eat like a normal person. Way to ruin meals forever.

Nosynonymforsynonym

Drive Over The Edge

In general, I wasn't allowed to question them(or I had an "attitude" if they did something that upset me). The result? I can't be assertive, especially when it comes to people older than me(like treating me horribly for example). I freeze. I can't speak up to "adults" even though I'm an adult now.

My parents forced me to drive several times when I had my temps. They would drive me to tears and panic. The one time I read RPMs instead of MPH because I was so scared and upset. Another time he criticized me because he thought it would make me want to prove him wrong. No, dad. I'm a sensitive girl. All you made me do was feel like s*** and think I can't drive. He later admitted I was driving okay and that the shape of the hood actually messes people up. My older brother struggled too. I've had my temps/license for almost a decade, and I'm still scared. I need(ed) encouragement. Not threats.SensitiveBugGirl

Reminds me of my driving experience. On the first day i had my license my (extremely choleric) father offered to lend me his car and come with me to pick up my actual license. I knew it was a bad idea but i was so excited to finally drive on my own because i loved it during lessons so i thought "nah, it'll be fine, he's being nice today". Big mistake. As soon as i was driving around a big parking lot trying to pick a spot he just kept yelling at me, telling me just because i have my license now and i think i can drive, doesn't mean i can actually drive etc, until i started crying and handed over the keys.

So as a result i was terrified of driving for years and really thought i wasn't capable of driving, i was just one of those people who should never get behind the wheel. At some point i decided i didn't want to stay limited like that so i signed myself up for carsharing and started driving at night, for only 15 minutes or so and it helped a bit.

What really made me (re)discover my love for driving though was when i got a car from work for four weeks because they were working on the train tracks so that was basically the only quick way to get to the other city i was working in. So i was more or less forced to drive every day. Now i can drive for hours and i love it, and i'm actually a good driver! At least that's what i think, haha. So my advice to everyone struggling with a fear of driving is to practice regularly, it's not as hard as it seems

bonniebardot34

Toxic Masculinity

I was told football was 'gay' and rugby was a 'man's sport'. I was forced to play rugby until it became apparent that I was never going to be big enough to take it anywhere. That sparked the whole toxic masculinity thing which took about two decades to finally shed.

I'm sure this is a common story.

DrBaggySmacker

My dad played sports in University until he literally obliterated his ACL playing American football. (Note: he said that was the closest be ever felt to hell)

He says that's why he's happy that I decided NOT to do sports more strenuous than martial arts and racquetball.

My dad and I (when he's home, he commutes 2000km every third weekend from Atlanta to Phoenix) bond over fishing, camping, playing Dungeons and Dragons, and trying (often failing) to cook dinner for my mom whenever she has a busy day of work.

He's happy that, despite my mental disorder (Aspergers'), I've become what he sees as as close to the perfect son as he'll have. I feel bad that your dad doesn't see you in the same way.

Gray__Eagle

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.