People Share The Worst Possible Gifts You Can Give Someone For Valentine’s Day
We don't know who came up with the idea of Valentine's Day, but they were a marketing genius. Let's stop and consider how weird this holiday actually is. It's almost mandatory, we've been celebrating it since childhood and the gifts are pretty much standard. Flowers, cards, candy, a stuffed animal and boom; done. Personally, we've always appreciated when gifts were a bit more outside the box, but every "unusual" idea isn't a good one. We've gotten (and probably given) some absolutely awful gifts before. So have the brave souls of Reddit who came in droves when one user asked:
Now that we're done cringing, we're here to shame some of our favorites with you. Are you ready? Trust us, you're not ready. You're just not. And yes, this is going to get NSFW... or anywhere else, honestly.
1. Rotting Vegetables And Someone Else's Panties (We Told You That You Weren't Ready)
A friend of mine had been in a relationship with this girl for a few months when she went to work a summer job in British Columbia (we live in Ontario so this is the other side of the continent). He is a pretty messy guy and doesn't always think things through. His girlfriend is really into fresh produce so he thought it would be nice to send her some as a little surprise. So he went to the farmers market and got a few different types of fresh organic vegetables which he proceeded to send by mail. While he was putting the package together he found a pair of panties in his room behind his bed and thought he might as well return his girlfriend her underwear since he was already sending a package. So off the package goes. By regular post.
So a full two weeks later the package arrives and his girlfriend opens it. Inside she finds an assortment of rotting vegetables and a pair of panties that do not belong to her. Turns out my friend hadn't cleaned his room (or at least behind his bed) since he was seeing another woman. His girlfriend has no idea how to take this - is it some sort of message? They cleared things up in the end but I still like to bring this story up for a laugh now and then.
TLDR: Guy sent his girlfriend rotting vegetables and another woman's panties
2. Can't Hurry Love
I bought an ex gf one of every Valentine's Day gift; bear, candy, lingerie, wine, balloons, all of it. She got me a turtle that sings "Can't Hurry Love". Took me a while to get that hint.
Waaaaay back in the day, like sometime in middle school, my boyfriend gave me a new knife to self harm with. I thought it was cool then but now I think "what then actual fuck".
4. An Enema
My wife and I had a contest to see who could give each other the worst gift. She got me a wine bottle stopper that's a little guy with a big penis -- that's the stopper. I got her granny panties and an enema. We agreed that I won.
5. Your Ex-Girlfriends Clothes
Last Valentines, my girlfriend found a sweater that my ex left a long time ago in my closet. I didn´t have the heart to tell her it was from my ex, so I said I had bought it for her for Valentines. She was so surprised and happy, and she absolutely loves the sweater, she wears it all the time...
6. A Pencil Sharpener
My dad bought my mom a pencil sharpener one year for Valentine's Day. It was the only gift he ever bought her on that day.
My sister and I pestered him relentlessly saying it was weird he had never bought her a Valentine's Day gift, so he listened for what she wanted. She had been complaining that their pencil sharpener was junk, so he went out and bought this really nice electric one (this was in the late 80s, so actually a pricey gift). My mom was SO mad and so he never bought her another Valentine's Day gift again.
EDIT: I just wanted to say my mom isn't a jerk at all. She did apologize later. After 18 years and two kids he for the first time ever got her something on Valentine's Day. She was expecting some romantic gesture and instead got a pencil sharpener. We all think it is hilarious now, but at the time she was confused and a bit let down. She didn't handle it well, but such is life.
This year is their 45th anniversary, so it wasn't that big a deal. It's just a running family joke. Every year on their anniversary my dad gets my mom a rose for each year they have been married, so he's not totally unromantic. Though it costs him about $200+ these days for her massive rose bouquet.
7. Useful Gifts Are Useful
When i was a kid, my dad gave my mom a set of jumper cables for valentine's day....
He was in the dog house for a couple nights, but about a week later her battery died and dad was a hero again.
8. A Brick From Wendy's
My (then) girlfriend and I met at a Wendy's, which was being torn down for remodeling. My bright idea was to have dinner, a movie, and then swing by the wreckage and take a brick to remind us of the fast food chain that meant so much to us. Yikes.
Bonus! I locked us out of my car and my mother had to come unlock it for us!
Girl I started dating a couple of months before Valentine's Day just got out of a long term relationship with her high school sweetheart. I didn't know she was still in contact with him when we were dating. She handed me a cute little bag with candy and a card. As I opened the card and read her pouring out her soul to her ex boyfriend about how much she still thinks about him and loves him. Evidently she made two gift bags. One for me and one for the ex and mixed them up. She saw on my face that as I read the card she fudged up. I just told her she should probably go. And she started to cry. And the "I'm sorry, I really do care about you" started. It was pretty shitty.
10. Mandatory Wayne's World Joke
A gun rack....thanks Stacy
11. Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right
I knew a couple freshman year in college who were just an absolute mess. I'd estimate 99% of the time they spent together was either drunk or high and neither of them seemed to particularly like the other one. It essentially devolved into a game of chicken who would dump the other first, with neither of them actually wanting to do it. So valentines day rolls around and the guy, clearly forgot he should probably get his girlfriend a gift until we reminded him that morning. He proceeds to get high instead of running to the store. She comes over and he has absolutely nothing to give her. So he looks around his room and just hands her a clock on his desk that he previously got as a graduation gift. However this wasn't just any clock, it was a fucking stripper clock.
Turns out that it was probably a good move to put so little effort into it, as she then proceeds to rummage around her in purse and pulled out a half eaten jar of Nutella as his gift. Which I am 90% sure he ended up eating at some point while high. No word on if the stripper clock was ever used.
Truly a match made in heaven.
12. Your Bedroom Replacement
Probably not the worst for her, but definitely will be for you. I bought mine a Hitachi Wand last Valentine's Day since we work opposite shifts. I've literally gotten laid 69% less over the last year!
13. He Thought Wrong
My dad gave my step mom a toilet seat once for Valentine's Day. He genuinely thought he had the best gift ever. This happened over 5 years ago and we still laugh at him about it
EDIT: it was the most generic toilet seat ever. Not even one of the ones that go down slowly
14. Again With The Rotted Veggies?
I saved a potato in the freezer that was the perfect shape of a heart. I put it in there in June for February. When I got it out and proudly gave it to my wife it literally turned black and started leaking juices in front of her. In theory it was cute in practice it was like a death threat.
15. Zombie Feet From Cosmo
One year a girl I had been dating for a few years gave me a plaster cast of her foot. I'm not even a foot guy. I tried my best to appreciate it, but it mostly just weirded me out. She painted it this dull gray color. It looked like a dead zombie foot, and it was way way larger than I thought her feet really were. I think she got the idea from Cosmo. I'd say, in general, try to go with a gift from the heart, not something out of Cosmo!
16. How Did You Not See That Coming?
He asked me to close my eyes, and I thought it was gonna be good. Them he asked me to get on my knees, so I thought it would be really good. And then open my mouth... So a really good chocolate? Nope. Was d*ck.
17. Taking Someone Who Gets Seasick On A Boat
A Groupon for a Romantic sail around our beautiful city. I notoriously get seasick and had told him multiple times. I still don't know if he just really wanted an excuse to sail or wanted the credit for such a (seemingly) romantic (Groupon) date.
18. No Effort
The first Valentines Day me and my (now) ex shared together, he gave me a little box full of pretty jewelry, all made in London (he'd gone to Europe on a school trip a while ago). There was a pretty beaded bracelet, earrings, a necklace, a cute scarf, etc.
He then proudly told me that he had actually bought them for his ex, not for me, but that she broke up with him before he could give them to her.
He couldn't understand why I was upset at seeing all the love and effort he put into hand-picking gifts for his ex, collecting trinkets from all over Europe for her, then gave them to me because he had them lying around.
19. It's A Disasterpiece
Got her an automatic wine bottle opener that didn't work when we tried it. The sushi restaurant we loved made us sick (later) Some girl next to us at the restaurant misheard something I said to my girlfriend and started yelling at me in the restaurant. Aaand the flowers didn't show up until super late, like 930pm and they were all wilted and only had like two roses in them ($80). We're getting married in two months though so it's all good.
20. Funeral Flowers
My much adored great Aunt died last week. At the end of the service they're trying to get all the family members to take the table flower arrangements home because they won't be making the trip graveside. My SO picks one up, hands it to me and says "here, Valentines is next week". I really needed that laugh.