Tinder dating is a wild ride, so it seems, though I've never used it. But the level of sheer crazy never ceases to amaze. No wonder there are so many single people out there. Stay in school.
jamesh31 asked: What's your worst Tinder experience?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Who's the problem? Probably you.
Getting no matches.
Saved by the blizzard.
I had been talking to a guy on Tinder. We were talking about meeting up, but there was a snowstorm the night I was going to meet him. When I told him I wanted to reschedule, he flipped out. He said he'd told his friends all about me and stuff like this always happened to him and he'll never find someone. He threatened to kill himself if I didn't keep our date.
We'd been talking for less than a week.
stuff like this always happened to him and he'll never find someone
I wonder why.
Points for creativity.
Met this girl, call her D, for coffee one day. We hit it off but both had some awkward jitters. We had plans to see each other the next weekend but in the middle of the week she called me late at night, almost three AM. When I saw it was a girl I had met on tinder just once I guessed it was a booty call. So I answered it and tried to play it cool. She goes "Hey what are you up to tonight?"
I tried to be casual and said "No much, just hanging out, relaxin" pretending I wasn't asleep 45 seconds beforehand.
I was super wrong about the intentions of the phone call. D says "I am about to go to the emergency room and don't want to go alone, will you come with me?"
Remember, I am out of it, so I said yes. I drove to her apartment and picked up her and her roommate (surprise) and headed to the ER. D's roommate was the one who needed medical attention because her appendix had burst as we found out later. I stayed there with them half shell shocked and half genuinely interested in what was happening. Around 5 AM her roommate was being examined and I had to ask the number one question on my mind. "How many people did you call before you called me?"
She looked at me and said "Oh you're the first person I called, I figured you would say yes."
Had no clue what to make of that so I half laughed it off, and after we realized her roommate would be staying in the hospital I took D home.
I never heard from her again. Total ghost in the wind after that night.
Bros before... well you know.
I paid for the premium version once like a year ago and it lets you choose anywhere in the world to swipe. Sooooo, I chose my old hometown several states away just to see what's crackin. I found 3 of my buddies' girlfriends on there. I took screenshots and made some calls. Turns out one old friend had actually broken up recently so his now ex's presence on tinder was understandable. The other 2 fellas were heartbroken.
Eh, dangerous waters. My brother met his current girlfriend through Tinder and they actually got in an argument because he forgot to take Tinder off his phone once they started dating. They broke up for a bit but got back together after some needed time apart. Going like three years strong and our families just spent Christmas together. If it's not on your home screen (a lot of people hide it) then you can easily forget it's installed.
Having Tinder installed is different to having an active profile. They (theoretically) hide inactive users after a week or so, so if someone sees a profile on there that means that person is swiping.
Correct. I have heard this bullsh*t excuse so many times, once from a guy I was with and other times from delusional SOs of cheating bastards. If they have not actively been using the app recently they will not show up in matches.
There is no innocent Netflix and chill.
Was dating a guy for over a year who had recently moved to an area two hours away. Got a text from an old friend who lived out in that area too; she sent me a screenshot of my boyfriend's tinder profile.
I confronted him and he tried to tell me he thought it was an app designed to make friends, and since he was new to the area he thought it'd help him. I hardly believed him, but he wasn't super tech savvy so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Couple days later, another girl (who I hadn't talked to in years) messaged me on Instagram asking if me and my boyfriend were still together. I told her yes, and she admitted she'd matched with him on Tinder before realizing who he was, and he messaged her saying "Wanna get drunk and watch a movie later?"
He had the audacity to try and convince me that he "didn't mean it like that" and was "just trying to make friends". Yeaaaaah.
Trying to legitimize that sh*t the first time? Okay... The SECOND TIME like wtf that guy's a piece of work.
How you let this go untreated? Surely it must have hurt.
I match with a girl, we meet up and go walk around a shopping center. And she's cute. Conversation is alright. I invite her back to mine. We're on the couch and we start getting close. And that's when I smell it. She has awful breath. Oh well, power through. We kiss. And she tastes like death too. F*ck it, no Frenching, power through. Turns out she has the mother of all cavities. Like one of her teeth was brown and half rotted away. I'm not even sure how it gets that bad. It was really a huge turn off, but she's already naked in my bed, and she's enjoying herself. Power through. She keeps kissing me throughout and that made it tough. About five minutes in I get a taste and I just went limp. I cannot understate how awful her breath was and how bad her kisses tasted. I apologized, said I don't think I was going to be able to do anything. She got dressed and left. The end.
I really hope she ended up going to the dentist.
Sure this isn't a Grindr story?
Drove 30 minutes to hook up with some guy, he didn't let me know that he lived in a gated community and I had no service to text him, I had to wait until a car was coming out before I could squeeze in the gate. Took about 20 mins lol and then I went to go hook up with him and he came in under 2 minutes 🙃 then he had the audacity to tell me I could leave.
So about 80 minutes of your life for a whopping 2 minutes of sexy time.
People make no sense.
I've almost had all good experiences. My worse was just recently. After about 5 messages she gives me her number after we find out she's eating dinner at a place about a mile from me. She tells me to meet at bar down the street from me. "Wow that was easy" I say to myself.
She gives me her ETA and is going to walk... but it's raining. She said she can't uber because she doesn't have money on her card. Fair enough, but seemed sort of... desperate.
She shows up and is cute, but she's in sweats and a t shirt with a backpack and is pretty wet. Apparently she was just at the gym before eating. Ok...
We get to talking and she's just going a fucking mile a minute. There is no end to any subject. Any time I talk and there is something she can tangentially relate to she interrupts and is off. I suspect coke.
She has a good southern accent and I ask her about it but she was born/raised in Northern California... ok. Then I find out she still lives with her ex boyfriend who she left dinner with to come meet me. She's mad at him because he keeps doing coke. OKAY suspicion confirmed. I tell myself I'll finish my drink before leaving but then she nonchalantly drops the N-bomb (followed by "I'm not racist"). I tell her I have to go to band practice.
Then she orders an Uber somehow.
That was weird all around. ...what the hell?
When Bugs Bunny is your dating mentor...
My one-off date with this guy who was really into self-help and psychology. We had dinner and he kept on explaining body language cues and then performing live demonstrations. E.G I had my arms on the table, nursing a drink and he mentioned that touching someone's forearm showed that the person was romantically interested. He then proceeded to stroke my forearm really slowly and not break eye contact. I was weirded out but he claimed to have music industry connections and implied I could get free Bruno Mars tickets from him, so I stuck to it.
A while later we were walking side by side on the footpath of a road and whenever a car would come by, he forcibly grabbed my waist and pushed me back, even though i was already on the "safe" side of the footpath. He explained that men needed to take care of women and that, once again, his touch showed that he was into me lol.
Icing on the cake was when I said I was ready to leave and he followed me towards my car. I awkwardly said I could make the rest of the trip fine and then he went in for the kiss. It was absolutely comical, he stood at almost 90 degrees and puckered his lips out like a cartoon. I immediately stepped back and I was like "Nooooo" and he was like "No?" and I said "No." and then he briskly walked off without saying goodbye.
He offered to not ghost... keeper.
Told this before, but here comes a TL;DR version of it.
Got mached with a girl, that mid conversation started to seem to be a bit rude (yet she aknowledged that I was too kind and didn't deserve that she was being rude with me), and asked what pets I have (since she mentioned that had a few pets in her bio). I had a sh*tty day, and was getting tired and sleepy, and so in order to avoid falling asleep mid conversation, I just said: "I'm sorry, I had a hard day and I am feeling tired, I am going to sleep, but if you want to, we can keep the conversation tomorrow morning."
She freaked out and replied: "Wtf, are you serious? You know how many guys I am talking to right now?" and then unmatched me.
You were being really nice though by saying "we can keep the conversation tomorrow morning". Most people would just stop talking for the day.
Went on my one and only tinder date years ago. We went to see Guardians of the Galaxy 1 and as soon as the lights dimmed he turned my face with his finger and began making out with me. I kept trying to break away but he would just grab my face again. I got so uncomfortable that I went to the "bathroom" and got in my car and left. I ended up stopping at McDonald's on the way home and telling the drive through worker what happened (my friends were asleep and I had to tell someone). He ended up giving me free fries for my trouble!
When he thinks he can Netflix and chill at the AMC.
Please stop saying "ferret."
So we match, go for a meal. Small getting to know you dates. After a few weeks of talking and dating, we are gonna make dinner. Enter ferret smell. I go to her place and it's fairly well kept middle income apartment. I shower as I can smell something. Thinking it's me and wanting to be considerate. Oh no it's ferret.....FERRET. The whole place reeks. I ignore it, she starts cooking dinner and I'm pouring drinks and holding up a decent conversation. It's all just ferret at this point. So we eat and retire to her balcony, which over looks a city park and nothing else. We are 6 stories up so it's very private. Keep drinking and we start getting physical. I eventually take her pants and panties off I smell it.....ferret. I think no f*cking way. Ignore it. We move back on to her bed. At this point it's all Im thinking about. She is gorgeous I mean 10/10. But her vagina and her bed sheets and everything smells like ferret. Still had sex just don't give her head. Crazy thing is I never saw the ferret.
It's all just Ferret at this point
That's the worst.
Crazy thing is I never saw the ferret.
How did you know it was a ferret's smell? Did she tell you?
I'm familiar with the smell.
OKCupid, but I figure it falls under the same umbrella.
I went on a couple dates with this guy who was in a dinner show (think like Medieval Times, but with pirates). He invited me to see the show as a "pre-date." OK cool, that part was kind of fun even if it was a little awkward sitting alone and having my first experience of this guy being him swinging overhead in tights and an eyepatch.
Afterward we went next door and within five minutes he was crying about his recently deceased grandmother. It honestly felt kind of like a performance too, but I wasn't going to be a dick about someone's grandma.
We went on the real date the next night to teppanyaki, which I hate (I don't like people watching me eat, or sitting communally with families with kids). Something was upsetting my belly that day, so I already wasn't feeling 100%. As we left, he proposed that we... find a dark parking lot somewhere and f*ck in the car.
I decline, and go home.
A few weeks later my sister tells me some rando hit on her via FB. Turns out it was him, and he had looked her up on mine. When I asked wtf, his response was, "Well, you said she was an acrobat and we probably had more in common anyway."
I can't imagine being *this* desperate.
Matched with a guy in Belgium when I was visiting. He seemed super nice. Picked me up from the train station. We went out for drinks and food. He came back to my hotel at the end of the day and we hooked up. He was great at that too! He wanted to stay at the hotel but I wasn't feeling well and wanted to feel sick alone. His offers of hanging out were sweet at first but then I quickly realized he wanted to totally take over my time while I was there. He wanted to take me for breakfast, then lunch. Then a movie. Then go to museums. Then dinner. I wanted to explore on my own, that's why I travelled alone in the first place. He settled for seeing me for dinner. By dinner he asked me if I'd like to come have dinner at his parents and meet his family the next day. Which gave me a mild stroke. I politely declined. Then I saw some adverts for flats in the city and was amazed at the affordable price and how pretty they were. He then comments that when I finally move to Belgium (which I was going to in 6 months time) that we should get one of these places and move in together. And get a pet and be a happy family. He went on to obsessively call me for the next two days. This all would have been wonderful if we were actually in a relationship for at least more than two months. But seeing as I'd known him for a little more than 24 hours it was worrying.
At least there was a second date...
I was in several long relationships in a row with people I got to know as a friend first. Broke up, went on Tinder. Went on a couple dates. Met a girl and had some chemistry. I walked to the bar, she drove, at the end of the night she offered me a ride home. We started making out in the car and I invited her in. At the time I rented from a friend who owned his own house. My friend was on the couch watching a movie so I took her up to my room. I let her lead the way to my room, the first door on the right. She made a comment on a star wars poster we had hanging in the hallway and I realized this might just be a shit show. I tried to get to a bedside lamp and minimize the damage the overhead was going to do to my chances. Not fast enough, the look on her face as she looked at marvel action figure along all the crown molding, the tie fighter-x wing dog fight I had hanging over my desk, the Darth Vader mask I used as a hat rack, framed comic books, Optimus Prime beating the shit out of Skeletor, oh it was priceless. F*ck this is who I am. I tried to get back to making out, but she remembered a meeting she had the next day.
The on my next Tinder date I went to her house.
uh... I'll hang out in your room with you...
As a fellow fan of everything you've talked about ( I love Masters of the Universe, got a 24 inch Skeletor statue in my room) your room sounds awesome. I f*cking despise anyone who looks down upon/judges people based on the things they love. Especially when what they love isn't toxic (drugs, alcohol, etc.).
My number one tip is to not let anyone kill your passion for any of those things. If buying comics and action figures makes you happy then keep on keeping on. The right girl won't give a damn (although I understand this girl was likely just a one time thing, the point still stands).
My only question is who won? Skeletor or Optimus? I'd personally put money on Skeletor because of the bone heads Havoc staff.