We all enjoyed (or struggled with) the company of family, chosen or otherwise, on Thursday November 22nd. And oh, does it bring back fun memories of the times nothing seemed to have gone right...
u/IAmA_Wolf asked:
What is the trashiest thing somebody has done at your family Thanksgiving?
Here were some of those stories.
Cheez-It Craving
GiphyThe woman my cousin had just married stole a Costco sized box of individually wrapped Cheezit packages from our garage. I just happened to notice they were gone when putting food in the fridge. Asked about it publicly and she locked up, started stuttering, and went to get them out of her car. She returned with the excuse "I thought these were mine. I have a box just like them at home"
Bang Bang Into The Room
My uncle shot the tv because of how the Lions were playing. This was back in 77 or 78 if I recall correctly.
Checking game histories it would definitely have been '77. It was a 17 inch black and white tv, with two knobs- one for VHF channels and one for UHF. He and my dad had started drinking early and the Lions were awful. After a bad play late in the game he strolled into the bedroom, picked up his revolver and shot the tv. We ate dinner shortly after and then went to my grandmas house to watch the Cowboys game.
Ring Around The Rosey
My husband's brother and his sister-in-law (who was married to his OTHER brother) always disappeared for about 20-40 minutes at the same time.
This happened for four years in a row before anyone got nosey enough to go looking for them.
Sister-in-law is now married to the Thanksgiving Hookup Brother.
Spoon-Bending
GiphyMy Aunt Janie took a bunch of Xanax (and who knows what else) on top of a jug of Carlo Rossi that she had hidden in her room. She then proceeded to steal every spoon in the house while the rest of us were drinking and playing games. EVERY. SINGLE. SPOON. We found them in her purse.
Why just the spoons?
The Lengths We Go To
Faked a heart attack.
It was very surreal. And her husband was so embarrassed.
Here's what happened. Grandmother didn't like my dad very much, and she picked a fight with him so he decided that he was going home.
When grandmother M realized that my stepmom (her daughter) was going to take dad's side and go home too, she yelled a lot and then, as a last ditch effort, dramatically clutched her chest and collapsed very carefully (it was outside and I guess she didn't want to bump her head or muss her clothes).
Dad offered to call 911, grandfather said it wasn't necessary, and when grandmother realized no one was taking her seriously she opened her eyes, allowed grandfather to help her up, and went inside with him while fake sobbing.
Normally she was quite nice, but she had her moments and really wasn't happy that her daughter had grown up and had a life. Holidays usually brought out the worst in her. Which was weird because she loved cooking and celebrating.
Ancient Vanity
My father's girlfriend sat at the head of the table at my house and acted like she was the hostess while monopolizing the entire conversation. I was her waitstaff. It was my first time meeting her. Five years later they are still together but I haven't seen her in 4 years, 11 months, and 29 days.
It wasn't just the Head of Table Scandal Of 2013 that sunk her for me. She said I should eat very little to watch my figure (it's my Thanksgiving meal?), she said I should dye my hair (I like my natural color), she was disappointed in my husband's wardrobe choice for the evening (he looked fine), and the grand finale was that she told my father I was a "bitch" after the night was over after everything I did to make her comfortable.
I should also mention she's ten years older than him...85 at the time, wears a full face of makeup, dyes her hair dark every week, and is very superficial. Not who I plan to be when I'm in my 80s. I think she's jealous of my relationship with him and is constantly wanting to assert herself as his number one. I'm perfectly fine with that and it's awesome she keeps busy. I see my father all the time and I am perfectly happy with the arrangement. My kids had extra doses of time with her so they are thrilled they don't see her anymore. They loved my mother so much. They were perfectly open to a relationship with her but she's so vain and ridiculous that it wasn't possible.
Bones And All
Last year, my husband's grandma hosted Thanksgiving dinner at her house and asked us to provide the turkey. (Not even the trashiest part)
We had to go to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's dad's side that morning so we dropped the turkey off on our way to his dad's house. His grandma said that they would be eating at 4.
We arrived back at his grandmas house around 3:45 and everyone had already eaten all the food. Including the entire turkey.
A Fight For Dessert
My uncle and grandfather dont have a good relationship, but were tolerating each other because Thanksgiving. My uncle was cooking lasagna and my grandfather decided to help, so he grated the cheese. He did this in another room, because the kitchen was full of other people cooking, we have a big Thanksgiving maybe 15-20 who love to eat. I had brought in the cheese and everything was going fine.
Flashforward to dinner time, the food is coming out and as tradition dictates we always start with lasagna. My grandfather made some joke like," I know you hate me, but at least I'm grate", and sh!t hit the fan. My uncle literally went into a rage, and was yelling at everyone because we didn't tell him he was using "tainted" cheese. Then said "f#@# it" and proceeded to flip the table ALL the food was on.
Then my grandfather called him outside to settle the score, which resulted in two grown men fist fighting in the backyard, culminating with my grandad getting thrown into the pond we lived off of, and slicing his leg on a jagged rock that he landed on. The rest of us ordered Chinese food, and kicked my uncle out, and my grandfather refused the hospital because he had a little too much "holiday joy" in him at the time.
Surprisingly my uncle hasn't come to holidays in years now...
Major Historical Crimes
GiphyMy uncle, who was hiding in Haiti for years during the Baby Doc days, snuck into the country somehow and showed up for Thanksgiving. Not 45 minutes later a bunch of federal agents busted in and took him away. I was maybe 11 or 12, no one ever explained the whole story to me.
But I talked to Mom as I drove her to my sister's house. They prosecuted him under the Rico Act for moving money in and out of Haiti for Baby Doc. According to my mom (didn't see him much, and this happened when I was young) he was ridiculously intelligent, but was crooked from day one. He moved millions of dollars around while the people were struggling to eat. He was absolutely one of those people that worked harder at avoiding work than actually doing anything of any use to society.
They searched the house too, and took all my dad's guns (he was an avid deer and pheasant hunter) and he didn't get them back for over a year. I do remember him getting a new deer rifle about that time, but like I said, I was young and had the attention span of a gnat.
Family Secrets
We were hosting a young lady my wife worked with, as well as her boyfriend. Halfway through dinner and somehow the discussion got to how her and her brother "once got super trashed on Robitussin, and next thing you know we ... Uh ... Yeah that was really a weird time."
Everyone just got really quiet as we were trying to decide how to fill that one in and where to go with it. For some reason they got really quiet after that.
Redditor Mysterious_Boat_1701 was curious to hear people's most unsettling experiences with the Mandela Effect, leading them to ask:
"Which Mandela effect freaks you out the most and why?"
A mysterious gym
"Just had one personally."
"Went to a mall where there was supposedly a gym, asked around and nobody that worked at the mall knew what I was talking about."
"Looked around and couldn't find it."
"Come back a few months later and it’s right there in front of my face, you'd have to be strung out to not notice it."
"idk how or when it just appeared but it freaked me out."- prex320278
A "fruit"ful logo.
"That the fruit of the loom logo never had a cornucopia."
"What’s crazy about that one is that someone emailed the creator of the logo about it and he said even he remembers it having one."- mrcock2·
Less well intentioned than they thought.
"I Mandela effected my whole family once."
"Years ago there was a football player on a rival team that always did a dumb celebration after he got a sack and my family and I always hated it."
"One night after he did it my family started trashing the celebration and I said as a joke 'we are all going to feel terrible when we find out he is doing that celebration as a request from a make-a-wish kid'."
"Fast forward to years later and our team is playing that team again."
"The player got a sack and did the celebration."
"I rolled my eyes and said 'I hate that celebration so much' my mom instantly turned and said 'don't say that, he is doing it for a sick kid'."
"'I actually like it."
"So I was like 'what?'"
"'No there is no sick kid', my whole family then proceeded to argue with me'."
"They all vividly remembered reading articles about it, seeing special report segments before games about it, and other information."
"Some of them even thought they knew the disease the kid had and even extra details about why the kid chose that specific celebration."
"They all had these shared memories that they were sure were true."
"I was floored by all this and insisted none of that was true."
"So we looked it up.'
"Not true."
'No kid like that ever existed.'
"They still have trouble wrapping their heads around this one."
"Turned out human memory is not near as reliable as we think"
"It was American Football and the player was Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and his cattle roping sack celebration."
"This was maybe 10 years ago."- AUSpartan37
College Football Win GIF by Michigan State FootballGiphyHis eyesight was better than we thought.
"Mr. Monopoly's monocle."- Additional_Day9903
It's not easy being green.
"I have a personal one that to this day a decade later still destroys my mind."
"I had an old(ish) 2001 dodge neon."
"With BLACK SEATS.'
"I drove this car for years and years, like 80,000 miles.'
'All through college."
"I took work breaks in my car, commuted hours every day total, to college and then the opposite direction to work and back."
"I even lived out of this thing on several occasions.'
'The day I go and trade it in, I'm pulling misc things out of the car at the dealer."
'And the seats are GREEN."
"Not even a little."
'Like very unmistakably GREEN."
"In my black Neon, with black interior, that ALWAYS HAD BLACK SEATS."
"My girlfriend then, wife now, goes oh they've always been green."
"EXCEPT THEY F*CKING WEREN'T DON'T LIE TO ME."
"This is still upsetting to this day..... life is a lie and nothing is real."- ZakuLegion
Winona Ryder Omg GIFGiphyAn urban legend was born.
"Not a global one, just a family thing."
"Back in 2002 my grandma had her 60th birthday, my father took us home at 10.00pm, ready for bed."
"We, me and brother, were 12 and 14 at this time."
'All went well."
"Over the years, a story was made up that we went missing after visiting the local playground after dinner at said grandma's birthday party."
"Some neighbors help to search us, the whole train of 'missing children in a smal village'-thing."
"Fun fact: we never went missing."
"Dad brought us home, put on 'Toy Story' on tv and left."
"My brother and I heard first about this in 2015.'
"From different people on different occasions."
"'Ah your one of the missing boys'."
"I first thought they were mocking me for a different event.'
"I got lost, but it was 2013, alcohol inflicted, different story."
"But then they ALL tell us the same story about us going missing."
'And the stories are damn close to 'true' in every story my mum is driving around the same neighbors to different locations to search, old wine yard, old mill etc."
"Sometimes I think I got lost on the most brutal way."
"I was lost and changed this plane of existence with another one."
"It sometimes made me think about my whole life."- tjorben123
missing kenny mccormick GIF by South Park GiphyMemories are a fascinating thing.
They can be changed or altered with even the tiniest suggestion.
And making the truth seem less believable than lies.
Redditor No-Caterpillar4212 wanted to know what our menu choices would be if we faced the end. They asked:
"You're on a death row, you have one hour left, they ask for your final meal - what is it?"
I'd want 2 hours in a Golden Coral with a bar. Covers it all.
sailor moon cooking GIFYears
"I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135."
cleon42
"'Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this crappy stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."'
Until_Morning
Take Me
"Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!"
ratchet0101
"Taco bell it is!"
No-Caterpillar4212
"If Taco Bell makes you poop a lot, it's a sign that you probably need more fiber in your diet."
RDAwesome
The Yuck Factor
"A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone."
"Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die."
MamaSweeney24
"You void your bowels when you die too so that should be lovely."
IDontControlTheFood
Perfect
Fried Chicken Scandal GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"Fried chicken with some Fanta."
Aggravating-Year-776
Fried chicken is on the top of everyone's list!
Details
Interested GIF by Nick CannonGiphy"150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy."
W0nderfu1W0nder
"This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please."
forewontoi
Broken
"McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time."
Curiousuk_South9566
"Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there."
oliv111
"I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly. It's a crap system."
grilled-pbj
Sorry
"Cabbage!! Add some cabbage. I don’t know if an hour if enough to take effect but there was an old coworker on a cabbage diet. Omg she smelled, like it was coming out of her pores. She knew she smelled and kept apologizing and reminding us of the diet."
ImStillaPrick
The OG Always
"Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks."
thegodfaubel
"I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites."
KingOfTheGoobers
"Unlimited for 1 hour. Cool."
anticlockclock
How Golden
Golden Girls Dorothy GIF by HULUGiphy"If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time."
ATLAS_IS_LOST
Let's hope none of us has to make this decision.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlateman
The Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphyLack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mj
happy eric cartman GIF by South Park GiphyWhen they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheese
la respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphyViolently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmega
national parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphyAllow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93
Dog Driving GIFGiphyWait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.