What season of quarantine are we even in?
Quarantine feels like it started ten years ago. March feels like another decade. And we have gone through so much media, so many hobbies, and so many other things when we had no choice but to be alive and exist.
Not all of them were the most productive.
Here were some of those answers.
Oppressed By A Cricket
The shutdown wasn't a problem. I played out my usual life, just with the new theme of 'curbside pickups' and so on. Wearing a mask to quickly pick up groceries, and so on.
However, my roommate tested positive for Coronavirus after the shutdown ended, just as I was getting reaccustomed to socially distant, but mostly normal life, and was able to move to her new apartment safely during the process. I tested negative, but still have to isolate.
The day after I went in for my 'brain biopsy' (the coronavirus/flu test where they put the thing so far back you start forgetting numbers) a cricket figured out a hiding place in my now single-person home.
At this point, I'm already looking pretty haggard. Longest hair I've had since high school, and I'm in isolation rather than quarantine, so I'm already a little out of sorts.
This cricket. I've gone from a fairly 'together' working at home professional, to a wild-eyed, scraggly dude slowly stalking through his house half-naked at all hours of any day to try to echolocate this chirping motherf***er.
I think I got him on my last run, but I'm just waiting to wake up to it again. I'm ready for quarantine to be over.
Nev Wasn't Prepared For This
I spent a few days talking to an obvious catfish on kik just because it felt good to hear somebody say nice things to me and allowed me to pretend that someone likes me
We Can At Least Go Outside
Back in March when my country was in full lockdown I used to take walks on Google street view. I'd put my headphones on and just go around my town for a while because I really wanted to see the normal world again. It was almost working too.
Sleep, Rinse, Repeat
I'd wake up from some crazy vivid dream that was not so much a nightmare as deeply disturbing and I'd get up to get my head right, then realise I'd only been asleep for 3 hours so go back to bed and have some other mad trauma thrown at me by my mind, rinse and repeat.
Some days I'd get up and go back to bed 4 times over the course of 24 hours. Sometimes I'd be up for 36 hours at a stretch, other times sleeping 20 hours of the day.
The weird vivid dreams have stopped now. The lockdown experience was something that deeply affected me. During the lockdown I got the best job of my life (working as a developer on a popular VR title) and also managed to lose my mind and the job when I spiralled into depression mid-summer and had to step down because I wasn't in a fit state to do anything.
Nom Nom Nom
I consumed a bowl of water with a chopstick to show myself that I could overcome anything if I just applied myself. It took an hour and half and I learned nothing.
But on the bright side, I made a new friend; his name is Surface Tension.
My friends and I built our local bars in Minecraft. And one night we all gathered in the bar and sat at the table while drinking irl. Then we'd move on to the next bar.
We also went on Red Dead 2, went to the saloon and played poker and drank. We would bet real money. That one was actually pretty fun.
Cried myself to sleep because i just couldn't take being in the house and having to deal with taking care of everything in the house.
But i was ok after that day since my parents decided to take me to get a haircut for the first time in 4 months, felt nice after. Treat y'all selves yo something good once in a while
Ended up super sore from taking all these nudes at weird angles during a sexting marathon with a friend. Neither of us had anything better to do than choket he chicken. There's no way I was the only one sore the next day. We were just so desperate for anything.
The worst part is that since we're both 18 and still live at home, his dad ended up walking in on him and seeing both pictures of my naked @$ and his son's umm... interesting sexual fantasies. He's grounded now.
I wanted McDonalds, but I wanted to see if the meal would taste super weird if I got each individual item from a different location... So I got a full meal from one McDonalds and then went to 6 different McDonalds after that.
They tasted the same.
Social Media: A Curse
Drunkenly reactivated Facebook after several months without because I was feeling lonely. Made an embarrassing mopey post about how frustrating it is that distancing oneself from social media voids your social identity, and that it's become apparent who is actually a friend and what's just the Facebook facade.
True frustrations, cringey execution. Hit that deactivate again the next morning. Other than that, too many naps and too much Reddit.