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You know when you tell an amazing joke/pun/dad joke and no one laughs? Yeah it sucks, because you know how funny it was, and you definitely hold not laughing against anyone who didn't. Anyway, here are some of Reddit's favorite failed jokes. They're great, so why didn't people laugh?

sixesand7s asked, What is the best joke you've made that flew over everyone and you want some Goddamn recognition for?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.



Luther... Lutheran... get it?

There's an educational computer game series from the 1990's called Freddi Fish, and my son had a plush toy of Freddi and his little fish pal Luther. He particularly loved Luther and carried the toy everywhere he went.

One Sunday morning the wife drove us to church, and she wanted him to leave his beloved toy in the car instead of taking it inside. Without missing a beat, I said, "Yeah, it's not a Lutheran church."

Nobody got the joke. And I'll never get the chance to tell that joke again. But I still remember it.

Bob-the-Human

This textbook dad joke.

I was about 9 and it was Christmas time. There was a barbie shaped box under the tree and I was sure it was the one I asked for. I was dying from excitement and kept begging to open it. When that failed, I begged for hints. For two weeks the only hint he would give me was "you know". Christmas eve he caved and let me open it. It was "Uno" cards. I did get the Barbie on Christmas morning.

katgib13

Funny? Or sad?

Spent my lunch break doing a crossword, occasionally asking some clues out loud for people to help with - just to get them warmed up.

Then, the ground having been prepared, I entered the final phase:

"3 across- Overworked Postman."

Someone took the bait: "How many letters?"

And with a perfect deadpan delivery, I pounced on my prey: "Thousands."

Nothing.

NOTHING!!!

ConsistentlyPeter

Lame, realtor, lame.

Was viewing a house recently to buy it. Its a fixer upper. We were talking to the realtor who had yet to realize our disgust. In the driveway was a toilet with a box around it. I couldn't resist. I said: "I saw in the listing that the house was 2 1/2 baths. IS THAT THE HALF BATH?" He calmly explained that the 1/2 bath was inside. Life is pain.

Nooblarisbetter

His answer was better.

Senior year religion class at a Catholic High School. Our Deacon teacher asks us "Whats the two words you're not supposed to say to a Jehovah's Witness?" The class was a wasteland of boredom. I, figuring what the hell, raised my hand and responded "Come In." Dead. Silence. Might as well as have had a tumbleweed rolling by.

For the record the answer was "Happy Birthday."

casualreader22

Next time, listen.

My friends were walking ahead of me when I noticed that they were literally going down a street called, no joke, Wong Way. I was shouting at them that they were going the Wong Way and they just shouted back "no the car is this way" and continued walking. It wasn't nearly as funny when I sprinted after them and explained it in detail while laughing to myself. F*ck them, that was hilarious.

Youscurvydawg

This is quite good.

Just happened the other day. My coworker said to his wife (who also works with us) that he needed to make his car payment today. So I chimed in, "oh, so it's car pay diem" without missing a beat. They didn't even react.

Le_Master

OOOP.

I was in a graduate class for teaching math. Somebody asked if we knew the way they multiply in China. I said "Same way we do, but only once."

tea_wrecks13

Amazing.

I just started working at a car dealership. And in a department wide training session the teacher goes on a bit about how were spreading good news and says something like have you heard about our lord and savior, Harr (Harr is our dealership name) without missing a beat I slid in. "He died for your rims" only the chick next to me heard and she started f*cking dying of laughter. Everyone else looked at us like were weirdos.

strife1019

To be fair, Hawking would have appreciated this.

People were talking about Stephen Hawking passing away and someone mentioned he was British. Two teenage girls said they didn't realize he was from England.

I said "yea it's hard to tell since he lost his accent."

No one laughed.

Meffrey_Dewlocks

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Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm