People Share The Most Obnoxious Nerd Meltdowns They've Ever Witnessed
The great thing about being a geek or a nerd is that it allows you to unabashedly like stuff. That's really all it is. Everyone is a nerd for something, and that's wonderful! With great nerd-power comes great nerdsponsibility, though. Thing is, when you're a passionate fan of something, you don't always handle it well when the fire of that passion is ... um ... "challenged"?
Sometimes, fans just freak out. Case in point; fans of Rick and Morty attacked McDonald's employees when the locations ran out of a limited-edition sauce that show characters talked about. One curious Reddit user asked:
As we have never shied away from being called a nerd, geek, or fan (not that we could deny it even if we tried) - we thought we knew about the legendary meltdowns. We've had seen some things.
We thought we knew; we had no idea. You probably don't either - but you're about to.
Charizard, A Crook, And Grandma
When my older brother was 10 and I was like 5, he loved Pokemon. I mean LOVED it; got the cards, got the games, he even got plastic cases for the cards to protect them. Ten year old him went to a convention in town and spent the day talking to some older kids and adults who loved the game. On his way out, he realized that his favorite (and consequently highest valued card) was stolen by one of those adults. We found the guy but no one could prove it was ours card. Of course he hadn't signed it or altered it at all. He was so heart broken to have that card stolen.
My grandma, god bless her soul, went out of her way and re-bought this expensive-ass Charizard holographic thing, for a crazy amount of money online. She then bought a few booster packs, slipped the card into one of the boosters, sealed it with a lighter, then taped all four together so that the last one was the altered booster.
His birthday finally rolls around, and my brother is happy but every Pokémon gift kinda brings him down. He misses that card and is sad about the lack of justice or reprimand for the thief. He gets to the final gift, our grandma's gift. We pull out the video recorder and watch. He goes through the first three boosters, gets some good cards and his friends are laughing and looking at them, he's a little happier. When he gets to the final card in the final pack - and bah god the look on his face at that last card, I swear he was crying and jumping around. He ran straight to Grandma and hugged her so tight.
He thought she had just gotten lucky, but after she passed away we told him the full story. I'll never forget how incredible it was to see both the worst and best of humans over some little card.
13 years ago, while eating dinner at Dennys, I saw a teenager throw his soup at someone for making a "Next time on Dragonball Z" joke. He threw the soup while berating the person for daring to "make fun of" Dragonball Z.
They weren't at the same table and didn't know each other.
The Jar Jar Riots
I worked at Best Buy when Star Wars Episode 1 was released on DVD for the first time. I had worked the opening shift, and was asked to come in a little early to help set up all the displays.
People were camped outside for a few hours before the store opened. About 30 minutes before the store opened, I could see this seething, undulating mass of humanity crowded outside the doors, waiting for them to open so they could grab their copy. I swear it looked like a few of them were trying to Jedi Mind Trick me into opening the doors early.
I was making jokes with my fellow employees, when my manager came and asked me to stand by the doors so I could direct the incoming horde to the various displays (there were 2 or 3 of them I think). As I took my place near the doors, the store manager approached the front doors of the store to open them, and I saw the entire mass tense like they were about to run a gauntlet.
As soon as the doors opened, the human ocean outside burst its way in. I raised my hand to wave to them in greeting, but before I could get my arm halfway up to greeting position, I was slammed off of my feet as they ran past me. It was like I wasn't even there.
I picked myself up, with no injuries other than my pride, and saw these piranhas devour the first display they came to. Within minutes, the display was empty. Some customers who hadn't grabbed a copy (and didn't realize that we had more in stock), started pushing and shouting, and it looked like there might be a brawl erupting at any moment. I tried to tell everyone that we had more, but they were shouting over me. One kid (maybe 9 or 10 years old) was standing next to his mom and crying because he hadn't managed to get a copy. His mom was trying to console him, while moving him away from the riotous mass in front of them.
I went back to the crowd, finally it got quiet enough so I could explain that we had more in stock. The remaining crowd rushed to the other displays, and I pulled a copy aside for the boy and his mom and handed it to them so they wouldn't have to be near the group who were ready to fight each other.
All of this for f*cking Jar Jar Binks?
Over A Sandwich
The Arby's near me ran a promotion in which it had limited quantities of a deer meat sandwich. Apparently it was only released in certain areas and within those areas, only certain stores got them. The sandwich was a big deal, I guess?
I watched two guys come in and try to order the sandwich. The woman at the counter politely told them that they had sold out hours earlier. One guy started yelling that they had been looking forward to this for weeks, how dare they run out, etc.
The other proceeded to take napkins, straws and containers of ketchup and throw them around the place like it was confetti.
Over a sandwich.
Jack Frost Confessional
It was 1997 and my parents took 6 year old me to see Jack Frost. I f*cking loved the sh*t out of that movie from the very beginning and thoroughly enjoyed watching the whole thing... until the ending. I had an absolute meltdown when the movie ended the way it did (spoiler alert: he melts away).
I made an complete scene in the movie theater and I don't think I've ever cried like that before or after that day.
The Two-Week Boyfriend
I had a boyfriend for about two weeks who was really into Magic The Gathering. He'd get angry while playing and flip tables on a weekly basis.
The second time it happened I was out.
Wife and I took our nieces to the Naruto movie premiere. The movie was good, but the audience was lots of mainly teenage girls who were screaming and cheering every time Naruto had a scene. Because it was the premiere, they had a documentary afterwards about the cast. Turns out Naruto is played by a middle aged Irish-American lady.
Ever heard a several hundred young teenage girls fantasies just evaporate all at the same time? It was epic. There were tears, there were shouts of anger.
My Little Mouth-Breather
I was in college to be a SpEd teacher and thus was very nice while working at my mall job. I was especially kind and patient with anyone who seemed to be having trouble out in public. Unfortunately, there was a guy who thought because I was nice, I must want to date him. He followed me a bit at work, but one day he followed me from the corner of the street into the mall, a full mile. My manager and I reported it to security. The guards banned him after my manager explained that he had been asked to not come back to our shop previously for harassing me. He would just follow me around and breathe. It would freak customers out because I'd be trying to help them and he'd be hovering and mouth-breathing right behind me.
Told you that to tell you this:
McDonald's had My Little Pony toys a few years back. The cops got called to the location down the block from my house because some Brony went in for a Rarity or a Pinkie Pie (I can't remember which one it was), they were all out. He straight had the most maximum fedora fit on the face of the planet. He tried to knock down the toy display to get the toy he wanted out of it, except it's bolted to the wall.
Found out later from one of the workers that it was the same guy I got banned from the mall. I was highly unsurprised.
Things Got A Little Heated
Worked at a paintball place about a year ago. This kid came in for his birthday party and had ALL the kit. Camos, battlepack, his own mask, the lot. He was definitely a _Call Of Duty _fanboy because after the first match I could tell he had never set foot in an actual paintball field before. His skills were all "video game" moves that don't actually translate to real life. His team lost four times in a row and he threw a massive temper tantrum and started rage shooting. He shot the other team, his own team, employees, etc. He was on a little paintball shooting spree.
I took his gun off him and told it was the end of his day playing paintball. The kid starts screaming like I've never heard - he was shouting that it's HIS birthday and it's HIS game and he can do what he wants. I turned around to take the rest of group back and leave my supervisor to calm him down and bring him back later. Then I was hit by something, and something HOT. Turns out the kid had bought a flare to use in game, lit it and threw it at me!
I grabbed him by the overalls and pulled him back to base camp. Banned for life.
Didn't get too big of a burn, but you bet I spoke to the kids parents.They were shocked and looked embarrassed, I presume he must have been one of these pent up anger kids.
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Used to work at Starbucks. The fits people throw over their Pumpkin Spice Lattes are just fucking maddening. Towards the end of the season they would drive around for hours trying to get "one last Pumpkin Spice Latte."
A woman screamed at me and started crying because she'd been ASSURED on some forum that our store still had the syrup but we'd run out. She was convinced we were hoarding it for ourselves. 40 year old woman sobbing like an infant because of f*cking syrup.
They're not even that tasty!
I was shopping for Batman comics at the shop and I heard a scream behind me. I turned and looked and is was as if someone pulled the string from this 40 year old man's body. He just collapsed and went fetal on the floor and started crying because DC killed Superman. He was doing what the kids call "ugly crying" He laid there for 30 minutes and other Superman fans helped him to a chair and got him some water.
Hermione Granger Is Beautiful
In the fifth grade there was this kid in my class who was obsessed with Hermione Granger. Not Emma Watson, but her character from Harry Potter. I'm talking 15-20 different pictures in his locker and like plastered on his folders, binders, etc. In short: it was too much.
One day a kid in our class said Hermione looked like a boy. Wrong move. He lost it. Instantly started crying. Bawling is a better description. Then after about 30 seconds of utter emotional meltdown he attacked the kid, clawing at his eyes, pulling hair, all the while screaming at the top of his lungs:
**"Hermione Granger is beautiful! Hermione Granger is beautiful!" **
One of the strangest experiences of my life.
I was at the Skyrim midnight launch. We only had one store in town that got shipments and they were almost all gone with pre-orders. Dude walked to the counter and asked for a copy, but had no preorder. "Sorry mate, none left. We had very limited copies that weren't preorders".
Dude just lost it. Started rambling about how f--ed up his life his and his one piece of hope was Elder Scrolls. He literally starts the waterworks as he starts knocking sh*t around the store as he's leaving. Yelling at people for taking his game from him. We could hear him screaming and I mean gut wrenching screaming, all the way down the road.
Guy was mentally unhinged.
Discrimination Against Furries
I used to be a manager at PetSmart years ago. One day I got called up to the front for "customer service" which usually meant I was about to get yelled at over expired coupons.
It was a girl in full-on furry gear holding pamphlets asking me if she could walk around the store in her suit handing out pamphlets on furry culture. She also thought it would be fun for people to interact with a furry in a pet store. Of course, I politely told her no. She started to essentially beg me so I tried to offer the usual excuses "it's corporate policy," "it's a safety issue." Honestly, it IS a safety issue. She could have gotten attacked if she approached the wrong animal in the wrong way. A giant animal with no animal scent is terrifying for some dogs.
She would NOT relent. I started to become irritated at this point and told her she would have to leave. Her response was to start SCREAMING AND BARKING at me. BARKING. Apparently I was discriminating against furries - her words, not mine.
She did finally leave after a few minutes of that but it was quite a sight to behold.
The Mufasa Melt-Down
My sister was 4 and I was 5 when my mom took us to see The Lion King to cheer us up. My dad had just been in a horrible car wreck and was gonna be in the hospital for a few months. She didn't know about Mufasa and we both lost our sh*t in the theater and panicked, scream-asking if our dad was gonna die too. That freaked out the other kids around us...
Basically the whole theater dissolved into crying children in under a minute. It was the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced.
Rest In Pieces, Baloo
When the 2nd LOTR movie was in theaters, there was an incident when I tried to see it. As the film got close to the huge battle, the fire alarm went off. Everyone exits, and it turns out to be nothing. For some reason the theater either wouldn't or couldn't resume the movie where it was and decided to pass out vouchers instead. Probably an equipment issue. In the back of the crowd I heard some long-haired neckbeard yell about how he had to take off work to see this movie.
Neck beard then proceeded to beat the crap out of a Jungle Book 2 cardboard cutout. RIP Baloo the Bear.
iPhone The Cops
Customer wanted to get an iPhone fifteen minutes before closing, but says he needs to run home and get his cash. I tell him we are going to close at 5 if he is not here. His mom waits in the store. I figure if he's a few minutes late, it's fine but I made it clear he has 5 minutes. At 5:15 I tell his mother that we are already counting cash and that I cannot sell her son a phone anymore. The dude arrives fifteen minutes after that and I unlock the door to let his mother out.
The dude starts to go thug life on me while his mom is pleading not to do anything. He shoves the door open and pushes me and demands his phone. I immediately tell my employees not to get involved and just call the cops. He went crazy and started cursing everyone out (there's like 6 of us, mostly girls except for me and another dude.) his mom is screaming In Spanish begging him not to do anything and pleading with me as well.
You can tell this wasn't the first time he got like this. Finally, when the dude heard us on the phone with the cops he walked to his car - but not before threatening to key all of our cars. Nothing happened. I saw the dude at Chili's a week later with his boys.
He recognized me, we locked eyes. He didn't do sh*t.
Entitled Brats Get Nothing
When Pokémon Sun/Moon came out, I was in a store trying to pick between the two. The store only had one copy of each game on the shelves, and as I'm holding the two versions, looking at them both trying to decide which version to get, when this big kid runs up. He tries to shove me out the way and when he sees that there aren't any on the shelves, he literally just screams in the middle of the shop.
No words. No tears. Just screaming
Then he saw I was holding the games. He tried to pull them out of my hands, but I pulled back and wouldn't let go. This little liar screams for his mom saying that I took them from him and won't give them back. His mum comes over and starts having a go at me, saying I'm stealing from a child, how dare I take them off him, he deserves the game, I don't, blah blah blah.
The employee who was on the shop floor explained to her that I was here before both of them and already had the games in hand before the child showed up. The woman then demanded that she get one of the games, and the employee explained that is was up to me whether I was going to buy either or both. The kid is still trying to yank them out of my hands through the entire exchange.
I walked out the shop 5 minutes later with both copies of the game and flashing big cheesy grin to mother and child. I returned one for a full refund the next day.
Hard To Hear Day's Night
Not me but my dad (in the 60s). He won a radio contest to go see A Hard Day's Night at the local movie theater (all shows were sold out). He was really psyched to see it because he was a big Beatles fan. The screaming girls were SO loud every time the Beatles faces appeared that he couldn't hear any dialogue.
He left in the middle of the show.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>
Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>
Being Used<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>
Hiding The Receipts<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>
Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>
How Do You Do This To Someone<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>
Be My Friend And Not Theirs<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>
Victim Time<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>
Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>
Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>
For the Face Plant Image<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
A Mammal of Few Words<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>
Baggage<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>
Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>
Not Wrong<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>
Watch the News Before Saying This One<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>
Got a Million of Em<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>
G-Pa With the Physics Humor<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedy
to try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?
Wrapped Up<p>Dad had to saran wrap a guy's intestines back into his body once.</p><p>Dude had surgery and pushed too hard on the toilet. Dude was fine, according to Dad, just holding himself together on the toilet while a group of firefighters tried to figure out why the hell they were sent instead of paramedics.</p><p><em>Update</em> When he pushed too hard he opened a scar on his torso/ab area and it all fell out onto his lap. Should have mentioned this when I wrote the post. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko9lq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">noblemile</a><span></span></p>
Flesh<p>One that stuck with me was a suicide in a bathtub, we couldn't drain the tub, so had to use a coagulant then scoop up the bloody mess into biohazard bags. Same for the toilet. Another was a suicide by gun in a basement full of boxes which was a nightmare to clean as even the smallest bit of flesh had to be found and cleaned up. The smell of the smallest piece of flesh meant the job wasn't done until it was found. </p>
Walk Away<p>Medic here, first responder to a motorcycle collision. Guy who crashed was a friend. He'd been torn in half and almost decapitated.</p><p>Had to walk away from the scene and let my driver and another crew handle it. Think about it daily. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko4y58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sabre-23</a><span></span></p>
All over the House<p>I posted this on another thread so just copy and pasted it but this was one that I had to do</p><p>Clean up after a murder. It was a rehab house for ex cons, 4 bedroom house with communal bathroom and kitchen. Sunday morning and guy A is in his room listening to music pretty loud, guy B is in the kitchen cooking his breakfast, B knocks on A's door and tells him to turn it down, there's a small argument and B returns to his breakfast and A turns his music up. So B grabs the biggest knife in the kitchen, kicks in A's door and stabs him through his left shoulder, entering by his collar bone. </p>
"ride-alongs"<p>Not a cleaner, but my brother's best friend is a police officer and I heard all about this horrible experience:</p><p>My brother's friend took him on "ride-alongs," all the time. One day, they were responding to a welfare check. This guy's neighbor saw his apartment door cracked open for several days and called the police. They went to check it out and found a college student (18-19) who had shot himself. </p>
Melt Away<p>When I was a bartender, a couple of clients told me the worst part about the job is cleaning melted bodies.</p><p>I don't know the science behind that, but from what I understand is if a body stays for a while in a certain condition of temperature and humidity, it melts. And those guys have to remove that person's remains in buckets. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknsqfm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kaynny</a><span></span></p>
Audrey<p>I had a great uncle who helped clean up the bodies left behind by hurricane Audrey in 1957 and he said that the smell persisted in his nose for weeks after. It got so bad that he went to the doctor to see if they could do anything and they clipped all of his nose hairs and the smell went away. It was explained to him that the smell had soaked into the hair but I don't claim to know the validity of that statement.</p>
Hazard<p>One of my first jobs after moving I did this, and the job that had me walking wasn't even a scene as described. We did all types of hazmat cleans and the worst was actually a couple went on vacation and came back to backed up sceptic. Think about 1 ft thick hard dried out crusty sceptic waste spread throughout the entire 1st floor of a house. Not going further into detail here. Was nasty.</p><p>Septic, not sceptic. On break and mobile, so yeah... </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknvzn8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kamenovski</a><span></span></p>
After the Crash...<p>Working for a tow truck driver that get the calls after crashes. The worst one for me was a family of 6 coming back with over 10 pizzas for a baseball team. It was a head on with a tractor trailer (18 wheeler). The ambulance took the bodies away of course, everyone died but one little guy. There was so much blood and vomit, diapers, toy dolls covered in blood, the pizza was everywhere inside of the car like 2" thick on everything and all over the road. </p>
Fresh Meat<p>Friend of mine does this.</p><p>His worst was an elderly woman who died in a bath. Skin falls off like long cooked meat. So he just saw piles of skin/flesh</p><p>God just writing this makes me gag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknwqwu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PlagueDoc22</a><span></span></p>
We all know the telltale signs that something is making us uncomfortable. Suddenly, we begin shaking, either in our hands or knees or toes. Then, usually, sweat starts pouring out of every part of our body, making it look like we just ran through a rainstorm underneath a waterfall. Finally, we lose our regular speech functions. Everything goes out of sync and our words don't match up to what's in our minds.
What's interesting is that what usually brings about these fits of uncomfortableness differs from person to person, as evidenced by the stories below.