How do I look?

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'd ask for a mirror.

Medical Advances

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"It's been twenty years and you guys haven't figured how to bring people out of a coma? jeesh"

Dependable Dad

[rebelmouse-image 18357022 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Honestly I'd probably ask where my dad was. If I was alive on life support for 20 years, I assume he would have been paying the bills. He'd be an old man by then. I've no idea if my girlfriend would still be there. She loves me, but she also wants to be a mother more than anything, and she'd probably stop waiting after 5-10 years, which I would not blame her for. But I know my dad would keep me alive until the day he dies, no matter the cost.

Goddamn I love my dad.

Catheter Concerns

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Can you please remove this plastic tube from my....?"

Sci-Fi Fanatic

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Were the new Star Wars movies any good?" ??????

Not Sure My Insurance Covers This

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"How much debt am I in, now that I've been in the hospital for 20 years?"

Cryptocurrency Concerns

[rebelmouse-image 18357023 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"How much are my 10 bitcoins worth?"

Priorities

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"DOCTOR, I NEED PIZZA, COKE, A LAPTOP AND THE WI-FI PASSWORD. STAT!"

Mom and Dad, I Can Explain

[rebelmouse-image 18357024 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Did anyone look at my internet history?"

Figuratively Speaking

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'd... hope that I had at least lost some weight on my strict liquid tube feeding diet.

Breaking Down

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

No questions. Just crying. Then after crying for 1 hour straight "where's my mom?"

Call Me Rip Van Winkle

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Did I oversleep again?"

So Embarrassed

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Was I snoring? I would be so embarrassed if I was snoring... Holy sh*t did I fart? Wait don't tell me.... OK tell me...wait no...I farted huh?....ahhhh I hate comas!!!!!!!"

Date Night

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

If it's a hot doctor: "How you doing?"

Mr. Clean

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'd probably ask for a shower and a razor. I can't imagine they would keep me that clean.

Gotta Go

[rebelmouse-image 18357025 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Bathroom. WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?"

That Took An Unexpected Turn

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"You know, most test subjects come out of stasis horribly malnourished. Congratulations on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds."

Asking for a Friend

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Do Japanese robotic girlfriends exist yet? How much?

Doctor What?

[rebelmouse-image 18357020 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"WHO'S THE CURRENT DOCTOR? ARE BOW TIES STILL COOL? TELL ME!" __

Do You Own a Crossbow?

[rebelmouse-image 18357026 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"What's that door over there with the sign that reads 'DON'T DEAD, OPEN INSIDE'?"

Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.

So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?

Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?

There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.

I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.

Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.

Keep reading... Show less

I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.

Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.

What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?

Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!

Keep reading... Show less
Nik Shulaihin/Unsplash

They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.

What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?

No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.

Maybe it already has?

Giphy

Keep reading... Show less

Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?

Here's an idea.

Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.

I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.

Keep reading... Show less