We all know the basic rules of respect when we visit another person's house. But some people seem determined to ignore all respectful rules of society. And for some reason we all have to deal with them.
u/Yellow-B asked:
[Serious] What is the most disrespectful thing a guest ever did in your home?
Here were some of the answers.
51. Not The Oreos!!!!
GiphyMy dad is really into church activities, so he thought to bring over one of the Sunday school teachers and a bunch of the kids. My mom would have never let such a thing happen, she hates having strangers wandering around our small house, she wasn't there. This event further solidified her anxiety.
While I was in my room playing Xbox my dad and everyone else were out in the backyard doing whatever. They were coming in and out of the sliding glass door frequently so i didn't think anything of it when i heard it happen one last time before they left.
It turns out that the Sunday school teacher, a young woman who was a recent addition to my dad's church, had come back inside and stole my mom's engagement ring.
She didn't get away with it, but also didn't pawn it, not yet i assumed. The ring was undamaged so my mom wasn't as angry as she was when she discovered it gone.
We also found that two containers of Oreo's were stolen.
My dad never invited church people over again after that.
50. Way To Turn The Tables, Sis
Last night one of my oldest and closest friends came to visit. She's been living in another state for a couple years. We had a little party and by 3am she and her 4 year old daughter we're the only ones left. My boyfriend and I we're ready for bed and told her nicely it was time for her to go, she wouldn't leave. We spent over an hour constantly telling her to go, finally by around 4:30am my boyfriend told her she's making him angry and that she needs to get the f*ck out and go home. She then spent another 30 minutes telling us how hurt her feelings are and that the friendship is over and she'll never be coming back.
49. Don't Steal From My Mom
Stole a joint from my mom's supply. She hardly ever smokes so she was a little upset when one of her two were gone, and she assumed I did it. Normally they can tell if I'm lying and I genuinely had no idea what happened to it until afterwords. Worst part is, the dude who took it was a close friend who tried to play it off like I had no idea what I was talking about. The idiot threw away the wrapper in his trash can and I saw it the day I went over. Called him out on his bullsh*t and he paid me for it, so I got my mom some coffee stuff.
48. Housemate Drama
Had a house with two other roommates, one of the roommates (let's call her Sam) invited an old high school friend over to stay on our couch a few days while she attended a festival here in Tampa. She invited people she met at the festival to come over and have an impromptu "party", then preceded to leave the sliding glass door open.
My other roommate (let's call him Tom) had a dog and she ran out the door. Tom and I had to run around trying to find his poor dog and after a half hour or so scouring the neighborhood we found her. When we collected ourselves back to the house she apologized, but not sincerely. She said and a quote "this wouldn't have happened if you trained your dog better, but I should have closed the door". Didn't say a word, yell or do anything drastic. Poured a whiskey, stared at her with unhinged Jack Nicholson eyes and went back to my room.
47. Too Many Drinks, Please Get Off My Thigh
GiphyWow, mine sounds so tame compared to most here, but, a family friend was in town and dad invited him over to spend the night. He always drinks so much and proceeds to vomit in the bathroom which then reeks for the next couple of days. My parents always had to clean the bathroom. He also kept continuously staring at me and once kept his hand on my thigh and wouldn't leave it alone.
I don't know if my dad ever noticed it, but I've never told them about it. He has been out of a job for years now and hence doesn't come to our town anymore.
46. Pet Litter No-Go
My half-brother had just moved across the country and my parents offered to let him stay in the basement for a bit until he could get his apartment. Now to start off, it was originally just him, his daughter (my niece), and their chocolate lab. It ended up being them, along with 3 cats and two cages of rats.
When they arrived i couldn't even go near the car it smelt so bad. Apparently they had run out of cage litter half way through the trip and was just using laundry as a substitute, old shirts and stuff. The rats had also gotten loose in the uhaul trailer and had made nests in all their stuff. Now why this was a problem was because we had the car in the garage and over the time they were with us the smell started to leak into the house. It was horrible.
They were only supposed to stay for a week, ended up staying for almost a month. We were also dealing with all the pets which didn't make things any easier. They were staying in the basement and by the time they left it was an absolute mess and stunk to high heaven. My brother has no concept of cleaning and leaves garbage everywhere.
Also remember that lab i mentioned they had? First off he didn't get along very well with my parents two dogs, causing lots of fights. Well then he decided to mark his territory all over the house. Peeing on some of my moms nice furniture and even my parents BED! The dog was then banned from the house.
So overall not only did he greatly overstay his welcome but he trashed the basement and left the garage a stinking mess. He then had the gall to say that my parents were being unfair when they complained and said they were judging him and not giving him a chance. Honestly we got lucky after seeing how he destroyed his apartment but thats a whole other story.
45. Unfriendly Animals
I let a bunch of friends stay the night but I was one of the first to sleep. I wake up he next morning and the door is wiiiiiiiide open and everybody is dead asleep. Now I don't care about burglaries but my street has like 10 families of stray cats and one raccoon living on it. My street is like the game of thrones stray cats edition that's how many different families of strays we have wandering around (plus a ton of other evidence I've found pointing to the conclusion that the strays have an unstable hierarchy of warring territories, but that's besides the point) so i was worried like crazy when I had to think about whether any strays wandered in and made a nest in one of my closets or cabinets.
44. Thiiiiiis Is Pretty Much Stalking
This person can NOT take no for an answer. I lived in an apartment as a teenager with my mom so we share walls with people. Meaning you should be quiet. Well this guy would come to my house and spend the night. Middle of the night he would yell random curse words. Throw basketballs off the wall and catch it. Eat all of my families food. It was terrible.
I stopped asking to hangout after that night. Although he tried many times to hangout afterwards. Going as far to just show up to my home. And find the hidden key. And just walk in and force me to hangout. He has also walked right into my home while I was sleeping and woke me up and forced me to hangout.
He also will ask if I can hangout, I'll say no because I don't want to. And he will drive to my home and sit outside of my home until I come out. Honking his horn. (I still live in an apartment so this is very disrespectful) I have threatened to call the cops on him if he does any of this again.
43. This Is Pretty Much Murder Though
Stepmom had back surgery and I was there helping her get around and what not. My stepniece Rose (her bio granddaughter) shows up randomly on the weekend and wants to visit.
After her visit we notice stepmom's pain pills are gone. All of them, even the Tylenol 3. I called her doctor in a panic but the nurse said the doc won't write a new prescription for more pain pills until he saw a police report (which: not true, nurses can be d*cks).
Stepmom refused to call the police because she knew Rose stole them and didn't want to admit it, finally said maybe it was Rose but maybe they were just 'lost'? Three days later I was able to get a new prescription but those were a three terrible days.
Stepmom later died and when her pain pills were stolen a second time. During the funeral, I called the police. Rose admitted to stealing them and selling them for 'fun money' at her college campus but basically got away with it. And I'm no longer welcome at any family functions because I was so mean to Rose.
42. Evil
GiphyI stay with my Grandma sometimes, she is quite old and suffers from Alzheimer's, the only languages she can speak/understand are Punjabi and Hindi, we had some other relatives come over and for the entirety of her visit they made fun of her and the her dementia, and proceeded to laugh at her every time she spoke, they did this in both English and Punjabi but my grandmother couldn't catch on to what they were saying and would laugh with them - which would prompt them to make fun of her again. Needless to say, they have never been invited over again.
41. Why My Makeup?
While staying with us over the holidays my husband's relative stole over $300 worth of my makeup. That sounds like a lot, but really it isn't. Basically she took all my favorites that I use daily, stuff I was going to miss right away. She even took a bottle of foundation and we are not remotely the same shade, she's ghostly pale and I bet she looked like a walking fake tan disaster if she wore it.
She did it while I drove another relative to the bus station and was already gone when I got home. Who wants to steal used makeup, including mascara?! I figured she could keep it. I didn't want it back and she did me a favor by stealing something minor and letting me know she's a thief.
40. Respect Service Animals
This happened two days ago. My daughter has epilepsy and we are training her service dog, a process that takes upwards of a year and requires consistency in everything. My wife's friend comes over for dinner and feeds the dog table scraps. One of her requirements for public access is to ignore dropped food or things that smell like food unless she has permission. It will take weeks to recondition her to ignore dropped food again.
Seems like a small thing but there is a reason service dogs cost $30k+, they are a lot of work.
39. Psycho Beach Party
I offered to let the adult daughter of some close friends stay at my house for a few months while she finished her masters. I knew this girl was into partying, smoking weed, drinking etc., but I thought she was generally a responsible adult. After a month or so when she finished her thesis, and no longer needed to attend classes that's when I realized this girl was the furthest thing from a responsible adult.
Weed was very illegal where I lived, but she smoked day and night on my balcony. She dropped a bag of it somewhere in my house, and just casually mentioned it. I've never smoked, so I had no idea what the tiniest zip-loc bag of what looked like dirt and leaves was that I picked up off the ground.
But I was lucky my 2 yo didn't eat it. She left an empty blunt wrap in the bathroom trashcan that she shared with my elementary school aged children. She not only asked for money, she would also take any money I left out for the nanny to go shopping. I found out later she borrowed money from the nanny as well and never paid back.
She was always broke, but partied all night. She wouldn't even wake up until after 6, almost 8pm. She never worked so she ate for free without contributing. All this while implying not so subtly that if I told her parents what she was up to that she'd retaliate somehow. It's been over a year, and I have barely talked to her or her parents since then. I'm genuinely afraid to see them because I think their daughter is psychotic and I just rather not see any of them.
38. Someone's Been Sleeping In My Bed
I have a long distance family members who I never met before staying over my mother's house for a week, this 13 years old kid was always in my room playing on my PlayStation every time I came from work or school, it was annoying because he would be in my bed and always leave a mess in my room and his mother wouldn't do anything about it. The worst part is that in the last day they stayed, the stupid kid dropped his luggage from the stairs and made a hole in the wall and him and the mother act like nothing happened.
37. There's A Robber In My Bed
GiphyWe let a couple with their young daughter move into our house because they were being evicted. she didn't tell us her boyfriend had severe drug issues.
He stole our wedding bands (husband and i had both lost weight and we were waiting to get them resized until our goals were met) and pawned them along with every PlayStation game we had, most of our kids' movies, my father-in-laws chainsaw we had borrowed and a bunch of other stuff. our house smelled like rancid incense and unwashed socks for the entire time they were there. neither had jobs. in that time they cost us almost 4000 dollars. it was awful. They were there about a month.
36. Here Hold My Drugs Friend
My senior year of college I was living in a 4-bedroom apartment with 3 other college girls. One of my best friends/roommtes, let's call her Lily, had a good heart but a bad habit of making friends with & trusting a rougher crowd, which got her into some sticky situations. There was this guy from her class she would invite over to our apartment to study with. I got weird vibes from him. He confessed to Lilly during one of their study sessions that he once struggled with a heroin habit but was currently working on staying clean. A few weeks later, he showed up at our apartment in the pouring rain & asked to come in. Lily let him in. This guy started freaking out, saying that a van was following him everywhere and he needed somewhere to "hold his stash". He tried to convince Lily to hold his heroin for him ! Apparently he'd fallen back into old habits and expected Lily would be cool with holding it on our apartment until he felt less paranoid. She flushed the heroin down the toilet and never spoke with him again.
35. Ruining My China
This will probably get lost, but here goes..
One of my mums old friends came round for tea for the first time in 10 years. I decided to serve the tea with the best crockery we had, on this beautiful wooden, hand painted tray that my grandmother gave my mum when she was only a young girl.
We had a lovely time, and this women couldn't stop fawning over the "delightful little tray" the whole time. Everything was normal, and nothing seemed amiss at all until she was leaving and said "I've left a little gift for you, I hope you enjoy it!".
Now she hadn't come with any bags, just a purse so we were confused but assumed she'd left a card or something.
I didn't think anything else of it until I was gently wiping down the tray after she had left. There scratched into the wood, with what I can only imagine was a knife, was "[her name] woz 'ere"
WTH? Who does that?! The tray was ruined, the paint was chipped and this name was etched so deeply there wasn't any hope of repairing it. We left her alone for maybe 2 mins to get a cake, and she spent a good 2 hours chatting after that as if she hadn't done anything. How she even did it that quickly or why I don't know.
Safe to say she never came for tea again.
34. And Now I'm Angry
My brother's girlfriend came over for the first time to meet everyone, and my dog (who was a puppy at the time) jumped up on the couch to greet her. She didn't like that, so she picked him up and threw him on the ground. He yelped. I was upstairs when I heard this unfold, and I came barreling down the stairs. My mom did everything in her power to keep me from chewing this chick the f*ck out. I picked up my dog and took him upstairs and kept him there until she left.
They're still dating. I don't think that's something I can ever get past.
33. This Was Not The Party To Crash
At my baby shower with my 1st daughter, an old friend from middle school last minute decided to invite herself and her little son. While I was my living room setting up, she walks in and starts yapping away. Now I never really liked this girl but she always made herself welcome to any and all of my circles of friends (till this day). Anyways, my shirt had lifted up a bit and revealed some of my side.
Mind you I'm fragile in this state. I didn't really want to be a mom yet and I was like 18. This girl is a stick figure since birth. She proceeded to yell out loud... "ewwww you have stretch marks?! I didn't get any." And continued to munch on whatever good she was shoving down her throat. I had and still have no words except...
I hate that b*tch.
32. Blood Is NOT Thicker
GiphyA relative was in the city and needed a place to stay. She didn't tell how many nights. Out of courtesy, we didn't ask because she's a 1st degree relative and might start family drama. She ended up overstaying — 2 weeks. Free everything. My compassionate mom even gave up her room for her. I told my mom that she can sleep on my bed and I'll sleep in the sala but she refused. When I peep in my mom's room, i saw my f*cking leech relative getting ready for bed as if she owns the place. That'll be the last time she'll sleep in our house. F*ck family drama
31. Gold Finch And Linnet Bird
I used to foster and raise baby wildlife in my home. One year I had a little gold finch that had done very well and was a day or two from being released. One of my daughters friends came in the house and little Goldie flew over to where she was in the hallway and landed on the ground. She gave the bird a puzzled look and then quickly lifted her foot and stomped him to death.
I literally freaked out to the point that I don't remember for sure what I did but I think it involved dragging her out of the house by her hair whilst screaming swear words that I normally never use at her.
She was never allowed in my house or near my children again. I would literally cross the street and walk on the other side if I saw her coming.
30. Why Would You Even Open My Wine?
Drank a bottle of very important/sentimental wine that we had been saving for an important occasion. I could not believe it. Who does that? Who stays at someone's house and opens up a bottle of wine without asking? He made a big stink about it - how sorry and how apologetic he was about it and how he was already making phone calls to replace it. Fast forward 6 months and I still have not received that replacement bottle.
29. Get Out, Shamwow Plague
He brought an ashtray from the smoking room into the living room, when I specifically told him not to. Then proceeded to spill the ashtray onto my white shag area rug while I was in the bathroom. When I returned, I witnessed him attempting to clean the rug with a Shamwow, using the "punching" technique. I said "What the f*ck, man? I told you not to smoke in here, and the Shamwow only works on things that are wet." (This was when the Shamwow first came out.) So, I go to retrieve the vacuum, and that's when I walk in on him wetting the ashes with a cup of water, because the Shamwow only works on things that are wet. Kicked his ass out, and that spot on my rug was slightly grey until the day I threw it out. F*ck you, Mike.
28. Not Sure Which Is Most Offensive
Back before I had a dog, we had a small apartment and a cat. My cat was never around dogs, she was indoor and outdoor, but none of the neighbors had dogs either. So my friends girlfriend comes over one day, she had been to our place many times before, but this time she brought her dog. I walked out of my bedroom to see a flash of fur (my cat) trying to climb the doorway three times before giving up, running into the room and not coming out for two days. I had to move the litter box and her food in there because she wouldn't come out. I get that pets are our babies, but at least ask.
She also used my tweezers to pluck her eye brows.
27. Not Your Ash Tray
I let my brother stay on my couch when he was evicted from his home. I told him no Smoking. One day I decide to open the windows in the living room which were just behind the couch and I find a bunch of cigarette butts, Burn marks in the wood on the windowsill from were he would put out the butts and one really long burn where a cigarette was set on the windowsill and he must of fallen asleep or forgot about it and it burned down and out on its own. The butt was still sitting there at the end of the burn mark and the ashes from the cigarette were still in place.
26. Pie Plate
My roommates and I lived in a basement suite in a house during our second year of university, with the landlord upstairs.
The landlord was the chillest landlord who ever existed and was fine with us throwing parties every weekend pretty much. She had rented to a group of musicians for years before us and was accustomed to the noise.
One time she came down the set of stairs connecting the upper and lower suites to drop off some mail. The door in our basement is normally locked from the outside so we can't go upstairs through it but she must have forgotten to lock it back up on her way out.
Later that night we noticed that one of our friends, John, had disappeared. His shoes were still by the door so we assumed he had walked outside barefoot. We didn't really make much of it because he suddenly appeared back half an hour later.
The next day the landlord comes down and says that we had an "escapee" last night. We were all confused for a moment but then it all clicks for us at the same time, JOHN!
She recounted the story of what happened to us. Turns out John had been feeling adventurous and without realizing what he was doing, opened the door to the upstairs and walked up. He made his way to the fridge, opened it and started eating handfuls of pie straight from the tin.
Not only was she cool enough to not immediately call the police or put an end to our party, she started talking to him. She asked him how old he was. "19" (we are Canadian so we are legal to drink). She follows up with "how long have you been 19?" Thinking it was his birthday which would explain the excessive drunkenness. His answer to that was "I've been 19 for 2 years. I'm from Campbell River (a small town in BC), where time moves incredibly slowly."
After her laughing at his joke and finishing his handful of life she escorted him back downstairs like nothing had ever happened.
25. Just Left It There
Back in my bachelor days my buddy and I decided to hit the nightlife in some bars in Austin. I was never a big drinker and had a few beers over the course of the evening. He was drinking vodka all night like it was water. Needless to say he was in no condition to drive across town to his place so I told him he could just crash at mine.
Sunday morning and I'm getting ready for church. Knock on the door and ask if he's OK. Told him he could sleep in while I'm gone if he wants to but he just says he's got to get going and quickly leaves. Get back from church a few hours later and the entire apartment smells like shit. Sniff out the source in the guest bed. Evidently the f*cker had woken up during the middle of the night and evacuated a beagle-sized turd into my sheets, rolled them up and then continued sleeping the rest of the night in the same bed he had befouled.
The real WTF -other than sleeping all night next to a rolled up sheet with your own monstrous deuce in it - is that he could have just stayed after I left, cleaned up and I would have probably never known. F*ck you, Warren.
24. Terrible Things
This happened to my friend. She has a koi pond in her backyard that her and her husband built themselves. It's a nice little pond in the ground with rocks and a waterfall. They also have a couple of cats.
They go out of town for a couple weeks and one of her work friends takes care of her house. A few days in this work friend comes over and dumps the entire bag of cat food onto the kitchen floor. Then she decided that the water in the koi pond looked a bit low, so they turn on the hose to top it off. Only they "forget" to turn the hose off when they leave. She never comes back to the house to check on anything.
A couple days later, the neighbor notices that their backyard is flooded and that there's koi swimming around in the yard. They turn off the water and try to catch the koi but are not successful. The koi end up dying or getting away.
Luckily the cats inside were ok. The neighbor calls my friend to tell her what happened.
Let's just say that my friend is not friends with her co-worker anymore.
22. Not The Weight
Happened to us the year after my grandmother passed. I agreed to cook Christmas dinner the first year of her passing, we have a large family and it was a lot to live up to - the woman was a hero at Christmas. We do the starter and dessert in "waves" because there are so many people. Everyone has to bring a chair so we can all sit down together (albeit a bit squashed) for dinner.
My aunt asked if she could invite her sister in law that year, as she was alone on Christmas. After checking it was okay with everyone else, they were welcome to attend. In the end they brought their family of six and each adult child (4) brought their partner. To 'chip in' they brought a small casserole to contribute.
21. My Stuffed Bunny
When I was about 4 I got a stuffed rabbit wearing pajamas from a family friend of ours. We lived in a house that was over a hundred years old, and my parents found the original family who lived there (or rather, their descendants) and we became fast friends. We called her Aunt Janie, even though she wasn't related.
So Aunt Janie sent me the rabbit in pajamas, and I took him everywhere. It took serious work for me not to take him to school. His fur was white as snow, so I named him Sugar.
Sugar was my bro. I told him everything, which as a military kid who moved every year and never got to make serious friends, ended up being quite a bit. Sugar and I loved watching the fish tank my mom had got me, I would just put my rocking chair up right in front of the tank and it was better than TV to me.
So we moved to the arm pit of the US, a little town called Altus, Oklahoma. There was a girl next door who didn't seem very nice, but she had a trampoline, so I was willing to deal with it, on the hopes of getting those sweet, sweet jumpy jumps.
She came over to our house first, just as a "getting to know you" first introduction, and Sugar was pulling recon with me. She asked if she could see my rabbit, and I thought hard: Could I trust her? Should I do it so we could be friends and jump on the trampoline? I decided it couldn't hurt, after all, we were on me and Sug's home turf.
I no sooner handed her my best friend than she snatched him away, tore off both of his arms and ripped him from stem to stern.
It was a long time in my life before I knew pain like that again.
Fortunately, I had a first class trauma surgeon in my family, and Dr. Mom spent a solid 30 minutes in the operating suite (or dining room table, your call) fixing my boy up.
Sugar is still my point man for life.
20. Terrible Things
I had a contractor build my deck many years ago. He brought his wife and children on the last two days of work, his wife sat in the car and his kids hung out in our unfinished muddy backyard. Then he asked if his little girls could play IN my house because the yard was messy. I was at work but said yes go ahead and let them inside. His wife fixed lunch and dinner in there and they made themselves at home. When the deck was done, he overcharged me because he said I had too much money and he needed to support his wife and children. It turns out he thought if the family was there I wouldn't discuss financial issues with him. I did discuss the overcharge, paid him what we agreed upon, not the extra amount. As a thank you for hiring him he accused me of being a selfish greedy person. Sigh.
19. Out
My husband's uncle's wife died. They were married for thirty years, total sweethearts, and he was devastated. Aunt Dot was wonderful, everyone loved her. He couldn't cope being alone so he put an ad out on match.com and the first woman to reply, he married. She is the definition of white trash. He brought her to our house to stay for a long weekend to help us put in a deck in our backyard and so we could meet her. She decided to buy a puppy on the drive over, which wasn't potty trained.
It was a Pomeranian and I thought it was full grown and house broken. I'm at work when they arrive. I come home to piss puddles all over my living room, with her sitting on my couch on a new laptop he bought her. She wasn't watching her puppy, just letting it roam. I was in the kitchen at first and didn't see what her puppy has done. Within five minutes, she told me how Aunt Dot's adult children were terrible and trying to take his money, that they didn't approve of her and on and on. Then I saw the dog. I have two dogs myself but she had locked them outside. Needless to say, their weekend was cut short and left early.
18. Lawyers
My partner's friend was staying with us and brought his large dog. One night his dog tore up one of the beds pillows. Instead of letting us know, he just stuffed the pillow and feathers into the pillow case to hide it. He left the next day and I went to wash the sheets. I pulled the pillow out of the case and completely covered the room in feathers. It was 3 months ago and I am still finding feathers floating around.
We give him a lot of grief for it.
I was just reminded about what happen a month later, involving the same guest, 'Kevin.'
So Kevin comes back to stay with us for their fantasy draft. All the guys in the league are in town to draft and party so we are hosting two guys, Kevin and we'll call the other guy 'Paul'. I have known both for years, we all went to college together, it's cool. Saturday is their big day to golf and draft but it was also a really big day for me. I had been running for a year (never exercised before) and had trained hard for 6 weeks to run a 15k that Saturday. So the run goes great, I'm lazy the rest of the day. Meanwhile the guys are golfing, drinking, gambling on golfing and drinking. They rush home to change and head to a specific wing place that has fantasy draft specials. I'm home when they come to change and meet another member of the league, 'Mic,' who has known Kevin since they were kids. He's pretty tipsy but we talk about running, he's been training for a full marathon that's in 2 weeks. So they leave and I go to bed before they come back.
17. Disgusting Humans
Had a "friend" staying with us for awhile. She was trying to get back on her feet. I had just adopted a new kitten, about 10 weeks old. One day, I am standing in the kitchen, talking with said 'friend' when I hear my new kitty meowing, loudly, but sounds kind of muffled. I proceed to start looking around for her. She sounded distressed. Said "friend" just stands there, with a kind of crooked smile. So, I asked her where the kitten was. She said she had no idea. The meows are getting less and less, and I am walking all over the place, waiting for the next meow to lead me to her.
She.Was.In.The.Freezer. WTF? I pretty much screamed at the psycho, upon retrieving my shivering, confused and miserable kitten, "WTF did you do???" She smiled and said, "I thought you knew, cats love to be cold!" I told her, well, that's just great, and since she claimed to love and understand cats so much, she will appreciate how cold she would be tonight...on the street....out of my house. I told her she had about 10 min to get her sh*t and get out or not only would she be getting an *ss kicking, I would be calling the police regarding her cruelty to animals. She left. Kitty survived to be 18 yrs old.
They all come home pretty dinged up which is totally fine. Turns out Mic is going to crash on the other couch, he definitely couldn't drive. My partner gets in the shower in our master bathroom that is only accessed through our master bedroom, super common. I'm exhausted bed and all the sudden someone busts through our door and into the bathroom, it's Mic. He starts vomiting chicken wings into to sink, not in the toilet next to it, into the f*cking sink. All the while my partner is yelling at him to move to the toilet. Side note; we do have another bathroom, that was closer to him and empty. Anyway, both Kevin and Paul rush to 'help' and try to shove to food down the bathroom drain, because you know, we have a garbage disposal in our bathroom...Finally they began scooping it out into a trash bag. I remained in bed with my back turned and pretended to be asleep.
After the chicken-sink fiasco, Mic settled down and passed out. My partner finally got into bed and apologized, had a little laugh began to fall asleep. Not even 60 seconds passed before the silence was broken with Mic screaming, "IM GOING TO SH*T MYSELF". Of course you are, Mic, of course you are. He was ushered to the proper bathroom, he used the toilet correctly to the best of our knowledge, crisis averted! Right?
Fast forward 15 minutes to us being woken up by a heated argument in our living room. Mic was at it again....this time choosing the laundry room as the ideal spot to vomit. Thankfully, he was redirected away from my washer and dryer I had just paid off and threw up in the bathroom. He was convinced he was being guest of the year by choosing the washing machine, instead of throwing up on the sheets. His argument was based off of fact water is connected to the washer, washer is connected to the sewer, so on and so forth. Mic, your logic is f*cking infallible. No one agreed for obvious reasons, but he is a lawyer and he put together a pretty convincing argument in person. Impressive.
After that argument, he was found sitting in our garage in the dark because he felt "unwelcome".. The next morning he left before anyone woke up and sent my partner a passive aggressive apology.
Thanks Kevin for inviting your friend to crash with us.
16. The Fight
My mother was in the middle of her fight with cancer - she had been flown overseas a few times, was in the middle of chemo and radiation, all while trying to work and take care of my elderly grandmother. She is one of the kindest and most compassionate people in our community so everyone was rightfully really concerned about her and her well being.
Except for her uncle - who came to the house frequently just to complain about his nonexistent medical 'issues' without asking ONCE how she was doing. Even on days when she was laying in a darkened bedroom shivering on a summer day and couldn't come out to greet him because she felt so poorly - he''d still sit in our living room and loudly whine about how his Dr told him he'd have to change his diet for his blood pressure. She is the one who patiently listened and sympathised with his bullshit the most but did he return a pixel of her compassion? Of course not.
My mom has been in remission for years now and it still fills me with fury what a selfish narcissistic idiot bastard he is. He's dead to me.
15. Iron Liver
One of my former D&D players emptied a few pocketfuls of dirt, sod, and mud into our bathtub and bathroom sink.
It caused an extremely slow drain for months while we tried to figure it out. And honestly, we still can't understand why he did it.
ALSO: We are recovering alcoholics, and he would leave half full handles of whiskey (good stuff, too) for "just in case y'all change your minds and wanna stop being pussies."
Then we have the friend who tried to convince my wife and I to swing. We are not into that scene at all, and there is a limited number of times you can tell me that you want to fuck my wife (that number is 1). And trying to get me too drunk to stop you is a bad call, because I had an iron liver at the time, and I will long outlast you.
14. Someone's Been Sleeping In My Bed
While my family was on a beach trip, we let our babysitters babysit the house and cats for one week. We trusted them, or so we thought we did. While my family was at this beach, the babysitters and her sisters (who were in high school at the time) held a party. They didn't clean up very well, so there was a cigarette burn on our living room carpet, blood on the bathroom wall, and our beds were not made properly. My dad went berserk and they ended up having to pay for all new locks to the house and a new carpet. They could've been f*cked harder, but I guess my dad decided against it. 2k in damage would make them learn their lesson. I remember my dad saying the worst part was knowing that he was pissed someone had the nerve to put out a cigarette butt on someone else's carpet. So yeah that's pretty damn disrespectful.
13. He Knows What He's Doing
I can't remember who it was, it was a family member. My son was around 2 and he was getting himself an apple or an orange. He'd get it off the counter, peel the sticker off, wash it, and proceed to peel it or just eat it. Well as he was washing his fruit, a guest goes to him and takes his fruit, and tells him he's too young to be getting his own food. I tell them I taught him how to get a snack and it's okay if he wants to eat some fruit. They insist that he should ask first and when he said please, they washed it and prepared the fruit for him.
To me that's disrespectful because I teach my son how to take care of himself and he gets so happy when he can do more things for himself, and they took that away from him and made him beg for something that was already his.
12. Task Management
Not my home, but we were having a "friendsgiving" at our friends apartment, who ill call H. Now, mind you, this lady had been cooking non-stop by herself a thanksgiving feast. Turkey, sides, some pies, everything. Girl had been working hard to make this awesome feast(which i might add was delicious). The one thing she didn't get to was stuffing, so she asked someone if they could bring stuffing. One guy volunteers the day before (he chose to do this, it's important to remember that) to bring stuffing. Come the time to eat, stuffing man isn't there. Foods all laid out wait to be eaten, but stuffing man is like 10 minutes late. Finally, we get a call saying he's picking up his stuffing and coming over. Great, we can wait a little more. He arrives and what does he have? A box of stuffing. Not made. He literally went to the store,and bought a box of stuffing, without having even made it. When we asked him what he was doing with the box, he said "Oh, H can just make it for us." At that point, we all wanted to give him some slaps to the face. H made the stuffing, but you could tell that it seriously pissed her off and I don't blame her.
Ever since that, we literally don't give him any task or duties in terms of organizing fun things. Anytime he asks why we don't trust him, we just tell him to stuff it.
11. Chris Chris Chris
Back in college my 4 friends and I rented a house and between the 5 of us we had enough friends to throw pretty big house parties, like 150-200 people that we all knew pretty well. So we trusted them and we would leave our rooms open if people wanted to chill in them. The first few parties went fine, until one of my roommates met this kid we'll call Chris. This f*cking kid. Of course the roommate that met him has the worst judge of character.
First, my friends in the line for the bathroom tell me they think there's funny business going on in there, so I start banging on the door. Chris walks out with a girl claiming he "can't concentrate" with my banging, so I tell him, "good, knock it off".
Then my roommate catches Chris heading into his room, which was empty, with a girl who was very clearly too drunk to make any decisions. So he kicked them out immediately and told Chris to get out of our house.
We thought he had left, but since my bed is hidden in my room and we didn't think he'd have the audacity to climb over all the shit I put in front of it to specifically block people from going to my bed, we didn't notice him there. So when we finally see that he's LYING in my bed, I tell him to get the f*ck off. In the process, he drunkenly spills an entire beer can on my pillows and mattress.
I have a weird tick about my specific sleeping habits, so I couldn't sleep for days. It took everything in me not to punch the sh*t out of this idiot.
10. This Is MY HOUSE
I'm a very easy going host. I'm the type to stay up til 4am trying to keep the conversation afloat because I never feel the need to tell people to leave. Essentially, friends can come and go as they please, eat, drink, smoke what they want, and be merry. Open door policy
One night my gf and I ordered pizza for us and we expected to be alone. A friend came over unexpected. That's fine.. I smoked him up (his idea) , we chilled out. He ate more than either of us, and didn't pitch. That's fine, random act of pizza, and as I said, open door policy as he's a friend.
Then when I went to get a final slice, he immediately laid out across the couch, put his feet where I had just sat and told me I should 'sit up when I eat' and told me to sit elsewhere.
What started as me politely asking him to let me sit and eat and ended with me telling him to fuck off and that I'll sit wherever I damn please in my house.
He told me I was being rude and refused to move.
I told him if he didn't move, I was going to become significantly more rude.
He didn't move.
We don't hang out much anymore.
Last i heard from he messaged me out of the blue to try and buy weed off of me. Just an all around stand up guy.
9. Saving A Girl
Not at my house, but me and a few friends had went to this really large party in high school. There was this young girl (probably only 15 y/o) that one of my friends' younger sisters said they were a total b*tch in school, so we initially avoided her. Fast forward a few hours later, we find her slumped in a corner on the ground with two creepy dudes looking way too old to be at a high school party talking to her in a disgusting manner.
Staying true to girl code, I didn't care at this point who she was - no one deserves this while inebriated. We have one of our guy friends shove them off her and we get her up to take her home. She was very drunk and I think someone or herself had given her something to make her sluggish(?). I'm unsure, but it was definitely not just her being drunk, her eyes were very dilated too and she couldn't stand well. We call it a night, find her older sister's number in her phone and drop her off at her house. We explained the situation and the sister thanked us. A few days later, she herself also thanked us and now she is one of our good friends.
8. UK Problems
When I was about 13, a guy from school joined the same cricket club as me in my village (despite living nowhere near), so my mum would pick us both us from school, feed us at home then we would walk up to the club.
Whilst playing football in the garden before training started, he accidentally kicked the ball over the fence in to my elderly neighbours garden. I asked him to be careful as they often spent time in the garden and had asked us to be careful with balls many times before.
He decided to get every ball in my garden and kick or throw them over the fence (including rock hard cricket and hockey balls) , one by one until there were none left while saying nothing, just staring at me. Still irritates me to this day.
7. The Single Worst Guest
He walked past me doing work on an outlet and turned the breaker back on cause it was dark. Shocked me. (Told him the breaker is off don't touch it.) I now use lockout/tagout in my house.
He did laundry while i was working on the drain piping under the house. Drenched me with laundry water. (Told him not to use any water, he didn't know the laundry machine used water.)
He locked the door every time he went through it. One time he locked everyone out when we were having a party in the back yard.
He put his foot through the wall while playing his computer game because the wall felt funny.
He leaned on the soap holder tile, 5 minutes after we retiled the bathroom, knocking it off and chipping the glazing on the bathtub.
He turned the AC off cause he was cold then left the house on a 95 degree day.
He locked the front door but didn't close it on a 95 degree day. Let the dog out, took hours to find her.
6. The Moves Bro
Probably late for this, but its just too good of a story to pass on. Also not sure it counts as disrespectful, but here it goes.
When I was 18 or so, I awoke one Sunday morning just in time for lunch and I heard voices from the living room, which suggested we were having guests over for lunch. No biggie, I'll just go glare at my plate and try not to vomit the shots from last night, apologize and head to my room!
Boy was I in for a treat. The guest, as it turned out, was a son of a family friend I never knew we had. A judge my parents knew. His son was a bodybuilder, his body chiseled from bronze head to toe. To boot, I'd put his IQ just a tad over "solid f*cking zero". I am just so hungover and trying to snap out of this madness that I forget not to laugh when he starts recounting the importance of his bodybuilding achievements for the greater community, because "the world will know that us [nationality] are the strongest in all of [continent]". The rest of the table is dead silent. Mind you, none of us have ANY interest in any of this. We take hospitality pretty seriously where I'm from so no one is making a fuss out of this.
A couple of minutes pass, he tells (not asks!) my grandma to go make him an omelette because lunch didn't exactly cover his macros for the meal. More out of confusion than hospitality, she proceeds to make him his damn omelette. He wolfs it down within a minute and we proceed to sit on the terrace and try to move on to more normal topics.
He's stealing the show. Also, he steals my laptop (literally walked into my room, took it, and brought it to the terrace) and puts on a deep house mix, to the amazement of my grandma and parents. You could hear a pin drop, and you could also see him bobbing his head to the rhythm. We are beyond confused at this point.
But then comes the coup de grace. After babbling on for hours, he excuses himself, walks 3 meters over to the lawn, takes off his shirt AND STARTS DOING PUSHUPS. Bam. Right there. No one is talking, the most awkward silence in history only interrupted by his "UHM"s and "AHH"s. The guy is loud.
He left a couple of hours later, and got arrested on drug charges the following year. I'd like to think he is still in the correctional system somewhere, warning his fellow inmates of the importance of bodybuilding.
5. Convenience
Smoked $30 worth of my excellent marijuana in 2.5 hours, alone while i finished work...then said we could "switch to mine"...that...was mine?! How was she still walking and talking?!
Slept in the living room til 3pm. Complained about my dog, and pouted and got all "ugh whatever never mind" when it became apparent that she likes milk, not cream in her coffee (I offered to go get milk but noooo it was "fine"). But my final straw was realizing she's one of those people who doesn't understand shower curtains, and thus flooded the bathroom each morning.
She hasn't been back. Somehow I just never have the space.
4. Keep Away
Been a couple, both recent, both with people I used to know but haven't met in years.
One guy was here at a party and tried hitting on a girl. It didn't work. A while later he sees me talking to her, figures it's my fault, and decides to punch me in the stomach.
Another one arrived at a party unannounced, high on meth, foaming at the mouth, with fresh blood on his jacket. Things were going fine until someone questioned him about who's blood it was, and he proudly said he beat someone up over a stolen phone and left them in a ditch. After trying for a long time to make him tell us where this was he got agitated. Luckily three pretty burly guys who were there offered to help him leave.
Neither of them are welcome back.
3. Boundaries, Friends!
Couple neighbors of mine. This was July 4th last year and my family really loves fireworks, as it kinda brings us all together which is something that doesn't happen often due to our schedules.
Anyway, we invite our neighbors over to enjoy the show and just hang out with us on our lawn. The father of their family literally walks inside our house, goes to our fridge and cracks open a beer without so much as asking, (fyi, the drinks for the neighborhood were in a cooler outside and everyone was aware of this), and then proceeds to recline on our couch and turn on a movie.
His wife and kids tried to take over lighting all the fireworks, which is my job that I hold pretty dear. At that point, we just politely asked them to leave, seeing how they overstepped their boundaries pretty hard. The reaction was calling us ungrateful *sshats that don't know how to party. They don't come around often anymore.
2. A Drunk Arrival
About two years ago, I threw a Christmas party with a few of my friends from college. One of them arrived late, and brought her new boyfriend along so we could all meet him. The thing is that they'd been drinking beforehand, and the guy was completely drunk. He was so loud, and so obnoxious, that within a few minutes some of my earlier guests wanted to leave.
When I brought some of the guests out, I saw that my friend's drunk boyfriend had done a terrible job parking his car. Not only was it blocking my gate, but it was also parked on the sidewalk. I came back in, pretty ticked off, and then I saw that the guy was already asleep on my couch. He. Was. That. Wasted. I tried getting my friend (his girlfriend) to wake him up, but she just shrugged me off and said, "He's not getting up now."
I'm truly angry at this point, but it was the holidays, and it didn't seem like a fight worth having, so I just let them be on the couch while I entertained my other guests. Hours later, after almost everyone had left, I tell my friend that it's time to wake up her boyfriend and go. I walk them out, happy to be almost rid of them. But then. The guy's car won't start. He was at it for maybe 15 minutes--turned the key, checked under the hood, everything, but the car just would not start. Somehow, without my permission, my friend tells her boyfriend that the two of them just crash on my couch. At that point I'm just so done with them that I don't even put up a fight. Because all this happened at around 3am, during a rainy night in December, and the three of us spent the next 45 minutes pushing this guy's pick up off the sidewalk and into an acceptable parking position.
My friend and that guy are still together, and I don't host Christmas parties anymore.
1. Our Worst Nightmare, Honestly
Late to the party- gf's best friend said her and her dad were having fight over how she was parenting her 3 year old and asked to stay on my gf's couch for "just a couple days until things get better" which turned into just over 2 weeks. About a week after the friend left, my gf and her kids start getting these strange welts on their legs and back.
My gf ran into her friend's dad at work and he thanked her for helping out while the house got "treated." He said he didn't want his grandson playing in the house because he didn't know how safe it actually was for a toddler. My gf said "oh yeah. No problem. I forgot- What was it treated for again?" And he said "bedbugs."
It clicked why they had the welts and she left for break and called me.
That evening, my gf and I started looking around the couch and found a bunch of small bedbugs. We went through the bag of kid's clothes the friend left- found bugs in it.
My gf called the friend and said she was cleaning and asked her to come over to get the rest of her things. We confronted the friend when she showed up and the friend said she didn't think it was a big deal because she didn't see any on her or her son when they left to come stay (wtf).
I was furious and after huge fight with the friend, she's helping pay for the treatments at my gf's place.
Men can be a mystery.
They like to hide as much as they can about themselves.
In truth, the rest of the world already suspects most of whatever behaviors they're trying to bury.
But often, it's so healthy to unburden yourself whenever you can.
Isn't it also comforting to know we aren't alone on this?
You do that? ME TOO!
Redditor Miguenzo wanted all the men out there to make some confessions, so they asked:
"What is something all guys do but will never admit to doing?"
Going to the bathroom sitting down more often than you think.
That's a guy truth I'll admit to.
I like to be comfortable.
Playtime
U Know Flirt GIF by WimbledonGiphy"I play with my penis more than any other object, by far."
killsafety
"And not even in a sexual way. Sometimes just flopping it from left to right while watching TV."
OneMorePotion
"This is what my wife had a hard time understanding. Just cause I'm messing with it, doesn't mean I'm aroused. I'm just fidgeting and that's my object."
Cigarettelegs
HER
"Imagine your entire life with a girl you just met."
Old_Situation4990
"Did this this weekend. The most beautiful woman working as a barmaid I have ever seen."
"However, I know it's annoying having someone hit on you while working and working in a bar she must get it all the time. so I kept quiet ordered my drinks and didn't bother her. She remembered what I was drinking by the 3rd drink. that was enough for me. LMAO."
EngineersMasterPlan
Think About It
"Daydream about insane scenarios that will never happen where you're the main hero that swoops in to save the day. Common examples include things like thinking you could figure out how to land an entire airplane in an emergency, thinking about 'What happens if there's a robbery and I stop the bad guy,' thinking about saving someone from a burning building, thinking you could save someone's life if there's a random medical emergency, etc."
bbbbbthatsfivebees
Spoons and Forks
"Not sure if this is for all guys, but my BF will never ever admit that he prefers to be the little spoon 😭."
raviolixx
"I’m over a foot taller than my wife, so I often joke that 'she’s my better third.' But I HATE being a big spoon. Nothing makes me happier in my marriage like being a little spoon, curled up, while she runs her fingers through my hair… Just thinking about is releasing the endorphins. We will hit 29 years together in a couple of months, and it not only never gets old, it gets better with age."
ZacInStl
Pick Away
jason clarke flirting GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Nose picking is more common than anyone will admit."
oldwhitch
"Nose picking is probably the most efficient way to get uncomfortable buggers out of your nose."
AllDressedJalapenos
Ugh. Nose pickers. Stop it. Just stop it!
Whoops
Uh Oh Oops GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"Morning pees sometimes go sideways and there's annoying cleaning up to do."
Apprehensive_Sky9062
Sniffed
"Sniff our armpits to be sure they don't stink or we enjoy the smell."
Individual-Option514
"This one is def gender neutral. I've had several girlfriends be embarrassed that I 'caught them' smell-checking themselves. As if they thought it was some secret weird thing they do and nobody else did. LOL."
Zeallust
"When I get nervous I stick my hands under my arms and then I sniff my armpit smell off my fingers and it calms me back down."
Papaya_flight
Inch by Inch
"Measuring their penis. Yeah, some will admit it. But some refuse to admit it."
Just4TheSpamAndEggs
"I don’t need a tape measure to know what disappointment looks like."
flightlessf**kbucket
Haven't done it in a while. At this point, I'm too afraid it's gotten smaller. If that's possible."
Double_Win_9405
"I have honestly never measured my d*ck. Girls I dated did. The numbers really mean nothing to me. I only cared if it was too small. Once girls told me it wasn't, I was satisfied."
esoteric_enigma
I Feel Pretty
"Being friendlier to attractive women."
JoeSchmoe314159
"Attractive women are scarier for many, so a lot of us probably come off as aloof or rude whatever towards them because we just kind of ignore them (actually are just too nervous to address them directly)."
"This isn't such a thing for me now that I'm in my 30s and have a long-time committed partner. No pressure... lol. But I know when I was a younger guy in the dating pool, the very attractive women were terrifying... lol."
bossmcsauce
"Attractive people actually get treated better in most areas of life in general. It’s called Pretty Privilege. Attractive people are trusted more easily, looked up to more, invited to more things, talked to more, can get a raise easier, and obviously can date easier."
Ur_Fav_Step-Redditor
At least once
"If you're single; Having feelings/Attraction to almost every female friend you've got. Doesn't have to be strong feelings. Doesn't have to be romantic. But you've thought about it. At least once. Maybe three times."
TA2556
"Definitely not universal. This stopped happening to me after I started and finished one major relationship."
"You develop a sense for what you actually want -- and how much more valuable friendship can be than any random romance."
"Also, as a straight guy, having uncomplicated friendships with multiple women is a great way to just get out in life, meet people and situations you never would've otherwise, and not bog down your own psyche. Really elevated my 20s."
MRIchalk
Underneath
wicked GIF by Ice CubeGiphy"Kicking ice cube under the fridge when falls."
Subject-Inflation805
"Gotta feed those shadow critters."
UnRealmCorp
I love the ice cube kick.
I think it's gender universal.
Valentine’s Day is a day of love and romance, but not for everyone. For some, Valentine’s Day is a day for broken hearts, breakups and blowups. Workers and patrons at restaurants and bars have a front-row seat to some of the most awkward, abysmal and just plain awful Valentine’s Day moments, where attempts at love don’t always have a fairy tale ending.
Three’s A Crowd
stage door band and crew onlyPhoto by seabass creatives on UnsplashI used to be a professional musician and the four-piece band I was in got booked for a Valentine’s Day event in a local bar. The guitarist invited his girlfriend down so they could be together on the night. What he hadn't counted on was his WIFE getting the night off work and coming to the show too as a Valentine’s surprise.
Everything was fine for the first set of the night. Then the problems began when both the girlfriend and the wife met in the band room backstage. Most of the band escaped the obvious row that was coming and waited by the bar for the second set. What we saw next was the most outrageous show of a woman’s scorn anyone has ever seen!
The wife ran onstage and began trashing his guitars and all his pedals, leads, and amp. No one dared to stop her. She was rightly angry. Shortly after she left the stage, the girlfriend had her turn, destroying whatever was left of his gear. Between both cheated women, they caused around $2,000 worth of damage to his set up. Needless to say, we played the second set as a three-piece, but it was quite a show!
Just Desserts
At the beginning of the evening, a man at our restaurant gave me a ring to bring out to his table with dessert. The couple began arguing before they even ordered and ended up screaming at each other in the restaurant. My manager made me ask the guy, as discreetly as I could, if he still wanted the ring with the dessert. It was that bad.
I didn't want to, but I asked. Big. Mistake. He then started to scream at me that of course he still wanted the ring. He was right, after all, it wasn't my business. So I brought out the ring. She said, "Are you serious?" and left. Then the man screamed at me again when I wouldn't let him chase after her and leave without paying.
In the end, the guy just threw the money on the table with a huge tip, but I think he just gave what he had and left. He had made such an insane scene that we had to give free desserts to the tables next to them to make up for ruining their evening. After the service, I told my manager I was never questioning a client's request again.
One Ring To Fail Them All
There was a couple seated a few places away from us. They sat far enough away so that we couldn't hear the conversation, but it was obvious that they were arguing. The waiter did his spiel on the set tasting menu and handed out a beverage list. The guy orders a bottle of vino for both of them and she interrupts with, "I'm good I'll just have water."
They continued over a very uncomfortable meal, during which he kept asking stuff. She'd respond with increasingly annoyed no's. The waiter returns and notices that appetizers hadn't even been touched yet. He tops off her water and his drink, then asks if everything was tasting alright. He finishes with an, "I'll give you guys some more time to enjoy."
She was now loudly enough that we could understand her now. "I can't keep doing this with you." She angrily forks into her appetizer and finishes just in time for the entree to arrive. The arguing continues, and the guy is looking increasingly nervous. Suddenly, he gets down on one knee. She said, "Oh God, no." He takes her hand to put the ring on it.
She snatches her hand away like he's lava. He still wasn’t reading the signals and said, "Will you do..." She bursts into tears. Everyone in the entire restaurant, who didn’t really understand the context of the situation, sighed an audible "Awww!" She said, "I can't believe you would even ask after what you did. I told you I needed space. I don't even know if I can trust you anymore."
After that, things were kind of a blur. I think she threw a couple of $20s on the table, then ran out. He stayed on the ground, still holding up the ring like he wasn't done proposing yet. The waiter returned with one of those sweet lava cakes topped with a little "She said yes!" thing. It was absolutely excruciating from beginning to end.
Wing And A Prayer
A couple comes in and sits down in my section. I walk over just as the lady stands to go to the restroom and grab their drink orders. The lady goes to the bathroom and the gentleman says he knows what they want for appetizers. He orders boneless wings in two sauces. I run off to fetch their drinks and put their order in.
A couple of minutes later I'm returning with their appetizer. By this point, the lady had returned to the table. I set the basket down and she stares at it with surprise. "What's this?" I reply, "It's the appetizer that was ordered. Is it okay?" This woman turns to her partner and proceeds to loudly and thoroughly chew him out. How dare he order wings for an appetizer when he knew she wanted wings for dinner!
She runs on and on about how stupid he was for ordering wings first and I could just see the poor guy curl in on himself and slowly die inside. I stated I would give them a few more minutes and hurried away. The dinner was very tense and awkward after that. They barely spoke to me and I swear didn't utter another word to each other.
I felt so bad for the guy because he ordered wings since she obviously must have made it clear she wanted them and got torn a new one for it.
No Stalling
I went into the bathroom at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day and made an...interesting discovery. Not only was there a man in the woman's washroom, he was down on one knee, sobbing as he proposed to a woman in a bathroom stall. She said no.
Silent Night
person sitting in front of brown wooden tablePhoto by Ant Rozetsky on UnsplashI witnessed one of the most awkward dates on Valentine's Day from a table that sat across from us. Both the guy and girl were on their phones the entire night, when the waitress came to get their food order neither even looked up at her to order. I was close enough to them where I would be able to hear their conversation.
Not a word was ever said. The girl at one point abruptly stood up and left (me thinking she was going to ditch the guy) but she came back and sat down. Again no exchange of words, not even a " where did you go?" That couple finished before us, and when the bill came they both awkwardly stared at it and didn't touch it.
The waitress came back 10 minutes later to check on them and said something like " I'll come back when you are ready" with the most uncomfortable smile on her face. Finally, the guy just takes the book bill thing and puts his card in. They leave.
Love Hits The Brakes
I've worked in restaurants for 14 years, so you know my worst Valentine's Day story is going to be a doozy. One time, I had a guy ask me to help him bring the ring and champagne after dinner so he could propose to his girlfriend. Being a woman and wanting to witness the romance, I hid around the corner so I could kind of peek at them.
They were lovey-dovey all through dinner and everything seemed good and I fully expected her to say yes when he asked. She didn’t. In fact, the woman did not react well at all. She told him no and that she was planning on breaking up with him. She added the only reason she was on this date with him is that he said he bought her something special for Valentine's Day.
She thought he was going to buy her the car she asked him for, and she was going to dump him next week. Then she said since you didn't get the car, she's dumping him now and she left! The guy was devastated! I felt so bad for him. I will remember her for the rest of my life because how could I not? What a greedy woman.
Sweet Ending
We had a classic of a couple coming in all dressed up and out for their romantic dinner, but as the meal went on they gradually got tenser and their muttered argument slowly became very loud. Walking back over to refill drinks or take plates seemed to make it even worse, but I couldn't just leave their (very small) table covered in the stuff.
By dessert, WWIII had broken out, and the evening ended with the guy getting a bowl of chocolate cake and ice cream emptied over his head. I still have no idea what they were arguing about, but the poor guy just sort of shoved a load of money on the table and ran out of there after his partner.
Pizza Prognosticator
I used to work at a very local, family-owned, pizza place. It was packed and we only had two counter girls (myself and my girlfriend, whose dad owned the restaurant). We had a special on these really cute heart-shaped pizzas. One couple ordered one of them and my girlfriend brought it out, but got bumped because it was so crowded.
When she dropped the pizza it broke clean in half which I have to admit was super weird because it was sliced into eighths. The girl who ordered the pizza had a zodiac tattoo and was wearing a bunch of crystals. She got up immediately, pointed at the pizza and started yelling about how it was a sign and stormed out of the store after breaking up with him. We think he dodged a bullet.
Flowing With Emotion
A woman was eight months pregnant. A guy brings her in for Valentine's Day and has the mariachi band sing their love song. He pulls out the expected ring and she says yes. Things looked perfect! Only spicy Mexican food is perhaps not the best choice when your eight months pregnant. She hurriedly shuffled to the restroom five times. The fifth, she...didn't quite make it.
It's a tiny community, so I met them years later at a wedding party. I walked up and introduced myself. I mentioned I had met them years ago. "I was there years ago when y'all got engaged. The emotions were just... flowing that night?" The husband laughed until he cried, the poor wife just covered her face in shame.
Living Large
person holding black smartphone in carPhoto by Jonathan Cooper on UnsplashI used to work the drive-through at Burger King and I overheard this conversation on Valentine's Day while taking a car's order. Girl: “Get me a #3.” Guy: “It's Valentine's Day baby, you can supersize it!”
Do Or Dine
I was a waiter at The Pasta House. At this time, another server was pregnant and trying to cover as many shifts as possible before she had the baby. In February, she asked if she could work Valentine's Day for me and I said sure. Dinner reservations fell through for my date and me so we decided to see if I could get a table at the restaurant where I worked.
I walked in the door only to see that they were absolutely slammed. The place was FULL of customers. As I came in, my manager said, "Thank God you got my message. She we went into labor and we need you to take tables." I told them I wasn't there to work, but to go on a date. My boss was so mad that I didn't get to work that he fired me. On Valentine's Day!
Dress For Unsuccess
My wife and I were out for Valentine's day and the couple next to us were having a breakup dinner. Oh, and it got worse. They were breaking up right before their impending wedding. She was in an early 90's prom dress. He was in a suit jacket and tie. She was loaded and getting loud about losing the deposit for the reception hall. She finally took a swing at him and the host escorted them both out.
Her poofy dress knocked over a couple of drinks on the way out. What an emotional rollercoaster.
Wasted Space
I worked as a hostess at a busy higher-end restaurant. I was working at the front door with my friend. The place was packed and the waitlist was extremely long. A woman came in by herself and was a little upset to have to wait for a table. Since she was only a party of one, we found a space for her at the bar while she waited. It was about an hour wait for a table. While sitting tight for a table, this woman proceeded to get completely wasted.
She kept coming up to us and asking about her table and we kept updating her about the time. While she was standing there, a group of people came in and we sat them right away because they had reservations. She then started yelling at us and dumped her drink on my friend's head. The manager did not kick her out. We still had to accommodate her.
Ex’s and Oh’s
I've seen a doozy or two in my time as wait staff at El Nonno's. The worst one is when my girlfriend came in with my best friend. I thought they were there to surprise me. Nope, this was their way of telling me that they're dating each other now. And I was stuck as their server. But this pales in comparison to when they visited the restaurant the next time.
So my now ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend came in again and had their wires completely crossed. My ex-girlfriend thought she was going to get a marriage proposal, but my ex-friend came to the restaurant to come out of the closet and confess his love for me. Then three was the time my boyfriend and my former boss came in together, and I naively thought this was a surprise.
It turns out they both forgot I worked there and came in to have an affair. My ex-boss was cheating on his wife, and my boyfriend was cheating on me. That restaurant was insane.
Insult To Injury
man kneeling in front of womanPhoto by Ben White on UnsplashI was eating in a restaurant on Valentine’s Day and saw this guy kneel to propose. We were all happy for them until the girl said no. She used some lame excuse, something along the lines of, “Mike, I just don’t think that you’re the one, you know? Poor Mike is all sad and gets up to leave. He comes back two minutes later to get his wallet and sees her doing something shocking.
Literally minutes after turning down a proposal, this girl is talking to the waiter at the restaurant and, get this, swapping numbers with him. Mikey grabs some random couples’ drink and throws it on the floor yelling about their year-long relationship ending. He then stormed off and she just grabs the nearest guy and jams her tongue down his throat.
A Bad Reaction
As a bartender, I saw a guest in the restaurant throw up on his steak not even a minute after it was placed in front of him. His date kept surprisingly calm for that scenario.
Head-Banger
One of our favorite regular customers brought in her boyfriend for the first time and in her excitement, she bumped into a table and knocked someone’s cup off, which isn’t bad but in her haste to pick up the cup she hit her head on the corner of the metal table and cut her forehead open. It looked like a horror movie scene.
We cleaned her up and gave them a stack of free food cards because she’s awesome and we love her.
Checking Out
Yesterday in the grocery store I worked at, an angry couple came in right at 11:59 p.m., and tried to buy some booze after midnight. Our machines won’t let us do that after midnight. The couple got angry at each other and kept calling each other names in front of me. Finally, she says: “I’ve had it! I hate you anyway! I’m dumping you!” Guy: “You aren’t hot anyway!” Neither bought anything and scurried off.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Not Using His Noodle
So, I had some guy who couldn't understand the concept of ravioli. He kept asking if we served "hollowed out spaghetti" (his words) and stuffed it with lobster. I said no, but we did use pasta. He kept reiterating that he wanted pasta. It finally dawned on me, "Sir, do you think that spaghetti is the Italian word for pasta?"
His date was unimpressed, but I finally get him down for an order of lobster ravioli, even though he still seemed unaware of what he was ordering. After he got his food, ate one of the ravioli, he said to me, like I was the dumbest guy on the planet, "Bro, all you had to do was tell me that they were Boyardee’s. I know what those are."
Material Girl
a necklace with a ring on top of itPhoto by Robin Edqvist on UnsplashI was just getting off of work around 3 p.m. so I headed to do some grocery shopping and I saw a guy looking frantically through his shopping bags so I asked if he needed help with something. He confessed that he had bought a Wal-Mart necklace for his girlfriend because she told him if she didn't get something expensive she would leave him.
He had purchased it, but he had taken his eyes his bags for a moment and when he checked his bags again, the necklace was gone. He told me he had just been laid off and didn't have the heart to tell her no. I felt about an inch tall, helping him try to find a cheap necklace, knowing that no matter how good a guy or how bad a circumstance, some people are so materialistic that someone giving their all is still not enough.
I hate Valentine's day, I wasn't single last night, but boy I feel heartbroken for that guy.
Ring Of Fire
I worked at a fine dining restaurant years ago. A middle-aged guy came up to me, handed me a gorgeous sapphire and diamond ring and asked me to have the pastry chef include it with his companion's dessert. The chef found beautiful blooms to decorate her dessert plate and placed the ring in the middle of one. Her reaction, however, wasn’t what anyone expected.
She saw the ring, took it out of the flower, and placed it on the table. Then, she picked up her fork and started to eat her dessert without saying anything at all. The ring must have been an extravagant apology on his part and she was having none of it. I was tempted to say that if she didn't want the ring, I'd take it off her hands!
A Messy Breakup
I bartend. I'm assuming this couple was on a date. They just ordered their food. In less than 10 minutes of their date, I saw the girl take a drink and throw it on the guy. It hit the people behind him, the walls, and it soaked the floor too. She immediately walked out in tears. The guy's face as he just sat there soaked was indescribable. It was the most movie-like break up I've ever seen happen in real life.
Raw Responses
So the pizza place I work for cuts all the pepperoni pizzas into hearts and we had to make about 450 of those, plus 250 more pizzas, in four hours. Our slogan is “Take and Bake”, so we make the pizzas and you take them and bake them at home. Several times, we had people get their pizzas at the end of the line and go “It’s not cooked.” Deadpan, my coworker looked at them and said “Yes.” to every single one of them.
Also, I took a phone call, and I said “When will you be coming to get your pizza?” and she goes, “Actually I’d like it delivered.” Needless to say, we didn’t deliver it, and she hung up.
Sweet Nothings
Last year I worked at a high-end sweets shop. Everything is top-notch as advertised, it was what people were willing to do for it that scared me. Chocolate covered strawberries? $50 per box of four. We couldn't keep them in stock, and more than a few sweaty husbands begged us to make more and throw them in any container we had.
One guy walking in on Valentine's morning offered to pay us double, even without the fancy romantic packaging (we didn't take it). We had also sold a big embroidered heart-shaped box for nearly $100. One guy asked us how much it cost, left, and came back later with his friend. He'd asked him for a loan. To buy V-Day chocolates. Relationships are wild.
Abrupt Ending
man standing and holding platePhoto by Louis Hansel on UnsplashOne of my friends is a server at a fancy restaurant in my city. He said that on one Valentine's Day, he walked by a table and heard the boyfriend say, "Well, once again, I'm sorry to disappoint" in a really nasty tone. Things got real awkward and quiet for another 20 minutes, then the couple got their check and quickly walked out.
Trying To Impress
We had a reservation for a kid’s birthday party on the bus (our restaurant has an old-school bus fitted with retro tables). A preteen couple comes in and the guy gets mad because we told him we couldn’t seat them on the bus due to the reservation. He tried to force his way up after being told repeatedly no. Pretty sure he was trying to impress his date, who watched this all unfold and looked completely mortified.
This One Is Sad...
My friends and I met up at this big food court to hang out. One of my pals got there an hour early and saw this one dude with a bouquet and a giant teddy bear. Almost five hours later we came back to the food court for lunch and the guy was still there with no date. He left shortly after and we watched him make a call, throw the flowers at the ground, pick them back up, and leave.
One Man’s Trash...
A few years ago my family and I bought some ice cream and when we went to throw the wrappers in a garbage can on the street, we found a perfectly intact and nice bouquet inside. We got the bouquet out, and we could tell it had been thrown out recently. There was a card but it only had the name of the florist on it. So we took it with us.
We had to meet with my grandma and her boyfriend right after, and they were like ''Why are you bringing us such a nice bouquet out of the blue like that?'' and we were just laughing as we just picked it up from a garbage can. We told them the story and they kept the bouquet for a week.
This One Takes The (Cheese)Cake
My wife and I went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch, in a bid to avoid the crowds. Next to us, a dude got down on one knee and proposed (yes, in a Cheesecake Factory). The waitress was filming it, people were watching, she saw the ring and started crying, he smiled, and all looked good. Oh, how wrong we were. When my wife and I left 20 minutes later, she was still crying, covering her face, and he wasn’t smiling anymore.
I couldn’t hear well enough to know what they were talking about, but they kept speaking in low voices. Didn’t look good.
Forget Me Not
green and red labeled plastic packPhoto by Franki Chamaki on UnsplashI walked into a grocery store which was pretty packed with frantic-looking Valentine’s Day shoppers. I walked in at the same time as another man with a confused look on his face and I heard him say out loud to himself, “Man, the store is pretty packed for a Friday evening.” Then, we both turn the corner and are met with all of the last minute flower arrangements and Valentine’s cards layout.
I see the man completely freeze and again out loud, he says “Oh.. no... no no no! Today is Valentine’s Day? Oh no!” As he quickly runs to the chocolate section, joining the rest of the panic-stricken dudes with the same looks on their faces. Hope those dudes are all still alive this morning.
Location Revealed
I worked a 14-hour shift then wanted to meet up with my boyfriend afterwards to give him his Valentine’s Day gift. He gave me an address and when I showed up, my jaw dropped. I realized it’s a sleazy club (he did not tell me what it was and only gave me an address that I used to call an Uber). So I went inside, balloons and gift in-hand, I found him, dropped off his gift and Uber’d back home alone.
Bad News And Good News
I had a man who was verbally inappropriate at his wife at my table, and I don’t mean talking over her and being rude. I mean saying things like, “What do you think you’re doing you stupid bimbo?” and, “I’ll give you $36,000 to get out of here right now you piece of slime.” I had four different tables complain about them and we eventually asked them to leave.
I’ve never seen anything like it before, at one point the guy went to the restroom and I went up to the wife and asked if I could help in any way and if she was alright. I’ve never wanted to assault someone in my life more than that piece of garbage. We also had something really good happen when our chef and her girlfriend got engaged at the end of the night! It kind of balanced it out.
“Utter Madness”
I ran the front desk to a hotel solo one Valentine’s Day. It was utter madness. We sold out with reservations, and there was a solid stream of locals coming in expecting to get rooms and then arguments with their disappointed dates when they were informed that we were booked solid. There were complaints from travellers just passing through and an older couple staying for a sports event about "loud amorous noises" emanating from rooms near theirs.
The phones were ringing off the hook from people looking to book Jacuzzi rooms when everyone in the city had been reserved in advance. There was a ridiculously inebriated guy getting dropped off in a taxi expecting to get a room after we'd sold out. He was irate and yelling, "What am I supposed to do now? Go sleep in the streets?"
Someone thought it would be a great idea to dump a trail of glitter and rose petals down an entire hallway leading to their room. And this was just the 3-11 p.m. shift. R.I.P. third shift and the morning housekeepers.
Table Service
When I was a server/bartender we had a frequent escort come to our restaurant. It was pretty obvious she was an escort as this restaurant was in a wealthy neighborhood and she would be with a different man every time. Once when I served her she said to me I'd make good money if I joined her company. So on Valentine's Day, she came in…
She was wearing big, gold hoop earrings, chest hanging out of a floral dress and fake designer bag. She sat down with an elderly man who I figured was married because he was wearing a wedding band. Anyway, long story short she was doing something inappropriate to the man under the table. The manager kicked her out and she never came back
McLove
a mcdonald's sign and a mcdonald's sign on a cloudy dayPhoto by Jonas Augustin on UnsplashI was in McDonald’s and I see two people at a table having a Valentine’s Day date with a red tablecloth and candles with fancy napkins and their order number card on the table. Honestly, props to them. Looked fun.
Recipe For Disaster
One man, one very angry woman, one very full glass of merlot, and one impeccably white button-up shirt. You can guess what happened.
Nothing Special
Had a woman come into a fine dining restaurant and tell me she was allergic to allium (garlic, shallots, etc), processed sugar, gluten, and salt. It's a four-course prix fixe menu for $150/person. Her partner had an excellent meal and such a wonderful experience. She essentially had crispy rice, steamed broccoli and cauliflower, pepper rubbed Arctic char, and skipped dessert. She did not have a wonderful experience.
I would have felt bad for her, but we go out of our way to give them the menu ahead of time, call to confirm that you're okay with the reservation and menu, and approve that the $150 price was legit. But she just kept throwing a stink because she must have expected us to create an entirely new menu just for her and it should have been just as amazing as the other food our 250 guests were eating. In the end, I charged her full price and got that 20% tip.
A note for those who don't restaurant often: Don't assume you're special on a holiday where everyone thinks they're special. You're not that special.
Faking It
I was at a fast-food place alone on Valentine's Day because I'm a lonely guy. The dude in front of me straight up asked the cashier if the cook could make the best looking burger possible because he forgot he was cooking for his wife and wanted to pass it off at home as though he made it for a romantic dinner. Oh, buddy.
Skin Deep
We're in the last hour of service, but we've about emptied out. A couple sat at the bar for about 30 minutes before ordering potato skins two minutes before closing and then asked me to remake them twice. They gave me some dirty looks when I put all my 'go home' stuff near them, so I said, "I'm not sure if anyone told you, but it's my Valentine's day too".
Phone Fail
selective focus photography of person using smartphonePhoto by freestocks on UnsplashA guy and girl come in. They order food and everything seems all good, then the girl leaves her phone and goes to the bathroom. The guy picks up her phone and starts snooping and the girl comes back and catches him red-handed. She is understandably angry and asks for their food to go. When she gets it she socks him in the chest and leaves. He paid for everything and quietly left immediately after.
Love Requires Patience
I work at a pizza place, where we served heart-shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day. They took twice as long to put in a pan, and nobody was allowed to order ahead of time. Online orders weren’t going through properly so we had some customers waiting for their pizza for a solid 40-50 minutes. Short-staffed on delivery drivers as well. Overall pretty stressful.
A Waiting Game
A group sitting at a table next to mine had an absolute meltdown because their food took too long to arrive. Most of them just left and the last few asked if they could just box it up and leave when the food arrived. They got it all on the house.
Breaking The Silence
I was working in an extremely quiet, high end bar a couple of years ago, one couple was sitting in a corner booth having a screaming argument. Very, very awkward.
Don’t Make Eye Contact
I've seen too many Valentine’s Day couples who spend 99% of the time looking at their phones. So sad. So lonely.
Take The Good With Bad
burger with lettuce and tomato on white ceramic platePhoto by Juan Rojas on UnsplashI work at a small local Mexican restaurant. I can't think of any disaster that happened at work for Valentine’s Day, but my girlfriend did dump me before I left for work. Then a girl from one of my tables left her number so the universe is looking out for me.
Love Hurts
Worst Valentine's Day I ever saw? Easy. I once witnessed a full-blown divorce discussion, in which the woman left and the man finished the last three courses of their tasting menu when she waited for a taxi in our lounge.
Valentine’s Lost
My mom has been a waitress for more than 25 years and has worked her fair share of Valentine's Days. She says she's sen a lot of sad stuff, but it's the worst when little old men or women come in and eat alone because their husband or wife had passed recently and they just sit there and cry. My mom will sit down with them and give them hugs.
What’s The Problem?
I had a brief stint as a waiter in high school. This one couple looks very sweet and loving, with no apparent problems. The girl got down on her knee and asked him to marry her. The man's response was chilling. He started laughing hysterically and explained to her that proposing is a man's job, not a woman's. She was furious.
She started screaming about how inappropriate that was, then got her stuff and stormed out. He looked completely bewildered.
Misunderstandings
Her: Man, this is a great steak!
Him: Did you say this is a great date?
Her: ....no