I once dated a guy who tried to tell me I couldn't step outside because it was his outside. Like, buddy literally looked at me and stomped, folded his arms, pouted and went "Ugh, this is MY outsiiiiiiide!" The whiny childishness in that moment was a hell of an eye opener, I gotta say.
I expected that behavior from my nephews, or the kids I worked with at the elementary school, but to see a man in his late 30's/early 40's bust that out was ... well... I almost lied to you guys right there and said it was shocking. It totally wasn't. I had experienced a few doozies with this dude already. It was pretty public knowledge he was a very tall toddler. A few of his friends warned me, but I'm stubborn. I think that moment made me suddenly realize they warned me for a reason.
You know the way lightbulbs are dim and shaky when they're not screwed all the way in, but as soon as you do it immediately is a bright, strong light? Yeah. I very suddenly and clearly realized things were never going to work out. That tantrum made sure I was illuminated AF. Lightbulb.
One Reddit user asked:
What's the most childish thing you've seen a grown adult do?
and there are so many "this is MY outside" moments here that it's honestly a wonder to me how more people don't get kicked in the shins. I'm going to go ahead and slap a "terrible parents" note on this one. Because WOW terrible parents. Some of these have been edited for clarity or language, but I made sure to leave all the childishness on full display. Enjoy the tantrums.
Baby Candy
At one theater I worked at, we had a large Tub of popcorn, large drink combo deal in which you'd get a free bag of skittles and we had to push it on every customer. One day I get an older customer who gets the combo but then suddenly explodes at me because, as he put it, the FREE bag of skittles he received was too small. He kept referring it as a "baby candy".
Manager comes right over and intervenes. Customer starts yelling about "This is a baby's candy....do I look like a baby to you?!", which would've been a prime opportunity for me to put in my two cents but I needed to have a job, so I kept it to myself. Irate customer then pulled the "I'm going to tell everyone I know not to come here and buy your candy" bit.
Again, the candy was FREE.
Baguettes
A lot of stories of these responses are people throwing tantrums, but honestly my first thought was of my dad and my partner. They didn't throw tantrums - they were childish together in a sweet way. The second or third time they met, they ended up having an incredibly convoluted sword fight with baguettes.
Ariel Is Absolutely A Princess, BTW
GiphyI worked in the Walmart bakery one summer during college. A woman called up requesting a Disney princess cake be made for her daughter's birthday that day - it didn't matter what princess, just any Disney princess. We made a little mermaid cake with Ariel on it. Husband comes to pick it up, pays for it, it's fine. About 10 minutes later a very belligerent and angry wife (overweight, appears mid 40's maybe) comes back with the cake screaming at everyone in the bakery "THIS IS NOT A DISNEY PRINCESS!"
She's hysterical, throwing a tantrum and harassing everyone in the bakery about how it's not the cake she wanted, not the princess she wanted. "ARIEL IS NOT A PRINCESS" The manager of the Walmart ends up getting involved as this woman is making a HUGE scene and we can't calm her down. She ends up getting that cake for free as well as another Disney princess cake made to her liking.
Participation
My 25 year old brother likes to do this thing where he screams at you to shut up, then gets upset when you aren't "participating in the conversation."
Burger King Breakfast
Pissed that the Burger King was still on the breakfast menu for the next seven minutes, the uninsured driver threw her illegally-"borrowed" boyfriend's truck in reverse (to hell with her toddler sitting unbuckled on the passenger's lap) and slammed the gas to exit the drive-thru
...and crashed right onto the hood of my car WTF?!
She was not an insured driver, but her boyfriend was really great about it and HIS insurance paid in full. The kid did get a little booboo. I'm presuming he's her EX boyfriend now considering she stole and crashed his car over a Whopper or something.
Little League Lightning Storm
I remember back when I was 10 I played baseball. I had been doing so for years at that point. Our team that year was the best in our league at the time. My dad was the team manager and it was a great time doing it every year before we stopped.
Well at the end of the year we had a double elimination tournament between every team. It came down to it and both my team and the last remaining team were both undefeated so we had to play two games to get a winner. The first game we fucking smoked them. The score was like 9-1.
A couple days later we're into the second game and it's looking like the same outcome. The manager of the other team is getting worked up I guess and says he sees lightning out of nowhere. Since it was policy to call off the game due to lightning cause of safety and all we waited it out for 10 minutes to see what happened. It was nothing so my dad goes out to see if we can keep going with the game and the other teams manager storms out and is calling him a piece of shit, asshole, etc. after we start back up he says he sees some again and I guess some of the other kids parents on that team went with it. They ended up calling the game off and both teams were declared co champions. F*ck you Matt we would've won that and you know it.
Menstrual Photo Op
When I didn't want to be in a photo because my first period bled through my white shorts. My dad threw a massive temper tantrum and was red in the face screaming and shouting, drawing a huge crowd and holding up the queue for the photo spot. I, the child, had to tell him he was making a scene and holding up the line.
- Raichu7
Abandoned At A Golf Course
GiphyMy mom, step-dad, and I went to a local par 3 golf course. For those that don't know this is a much smaller golf course where all of the holes can be reached in one or two hits. So kind of between mini golf and actual golf. Either way, we are playing and my step-dad is playing poorly. He had brought out his $400 full set of clubs and my mom and I were both using the clubs provided at the course.
My mom is winning by a stroke or two and hits the ball and it ends up on the ground an inch from a tree. She nudges it a little bit away so that she doesn't hit the tree and my step-dad loses it. Like really goes nuts about how she was cheating.
He ends up throwing his ball into the woods and walking to the car. My mom and I continued playing because, f--- that, we were still having fun. Next thing we know we hear an engine revving and watch our ride do a burn out out of the parking lot. We had to call my biological dad and have him pick us up and drop us off at my step-dads place because he had gone home and wouldn't answer the phone.
- ReccoR2
May As Well Be Dead
My father used to break into noisy, dramatic tears when he figured he wasn't getting his way or getting enough attention.
If, during this performance, you didn't immediately fawn all over him, dripping apologies and praise, he'd storm off in a huff and threaten suicide because 'no one loved him so he may as well be dead.'
This was at least a weekly occurrence growing up. Ah, the joys of living with an emotionally stunted narcissist.
I finally stood up to his manipulation when I was 12 or 13. He stopped trying that crap with me and now we have a decent, although somewhat distant, relationship. Pretty sure he still does it with his other kids and current partner though.
The Bridezilla Show
One of my friends worked at a pastry chef at a bakery when she was first starting up. She had a bridezilla come in to order a wedding cake and they told her that they were booked solid that week and couldn't accommodate, but could give the order to another shop that might be able to help. She started to complain and then yell and scream and literally fell to the floor, kicking and screaming.
While this was going on, one of the employees started to load another wedding cake onto a cart to take out to the van. Bridezilla jumped up and pushed the cake off the cart and then stepped on it. She then stormed out and sped off.
The owner had to call the wedding party and explain that their extravagant cake was just destroyed by a crazy bridezilla. She had another cake that would serve everyone, but it wouldn't be decorated as nicely. Luckily, they were okay with it... With the stipulation that they got a copy of the camera footage.
She made a copy of the footage and delivered it along with the replacement cake. The couple showed it at the reception and it was a huge hit at the party.
- GRZMNKY
McManager
When I used to work in fast food, I had a manager who was a bit older than me, early to mid 20s. Anyway, I was taking a customer's order in drive thru, and she started repeating everything I said. Literally what I would expect of a 7 year old. I asked her at least 10 times to stop because she was being unbearably childish, and still she wouldn't listen. I couldn't hear people's orders over her parroting in my ear. Finally I had to get a different manager, and just felt dumb having to complain about another manager acting that way.
The Piano Tantrum
GiphyMany, many things my uncle does. The most recent reason that he's not speaking to my parents (my mum is his sister) is that he wanted their help moving a piano.
He'd ordered this piano and was waiting to hear when it would be delivered. I think he'd vaguely mentioned it to my parents. Anyway, he got the delivery date, rang up my dad and straight up just told him that my dad would be helping to move this piano.
My dad: 'Okay, that should be fine. Let me just check my diary to confirm... Oh no, turns out my car is having work done that day so I won't be able to get there and [your sister] will be at work. Sorry.'
My uncle: *screams profanities and insists that we have never helped him and no one ever helps him and the whole world is against him* *hangs up the phone* *doesn't speak to us for months*
MY Vacation
We are passholders at Disney World, so I have seen a lot of sh*t over the years. Grown women pushing their small kids out of the way to meet a character is always in the top 10.
The best fit I've ever seen was a grown ass man who had the audacity to say "Why are there so many people here? This is MY vacation." in line at Guest Relations. Dude....it is a theme park open year-round to the masses. You will never be the only person there. When he was leaving the building, my dad went to him:
"Sorry we and everyone else here ruined your vacation."
He didn't say anything back, just gave my dad a death-glare.
- mah009
Daddy Issues
My 51 year old father cried about me 'not wanting to see him'
My dad separated from my mum when I was 2 and he now lives across state. He comes to town once in a blue moon and has only once given me more than 2 days of warning. He claims that's my fault because I don't message him every day for updates. One year, he showed up on my birthday with no warning. I already had plans, but I was willing to make time for him to come meet me. I just didn't have space in my schedule to go meet him. He refused to come to meet me instead of vice versa
Now, when I say cry I mean a full blown tantrum with angry texts like: 'well I guess you don't love me then' and 'my own daughter cant be bothered to see me when I drive all this way'. He then proceeded to go to the bar and cry to his friends about how his own daughter doesn't love him.
I work 2 jobs now and I have very little free time. It's Australia Day tomorrow and I promised my friend I'd spend it with her and her family after my shift at work. My dad messaged me 4 hours ago saying he was in town for just tomorrow and wanted to see me. I now have to completely reschedule, or risk a repeat of his tantrums. So, nothing has changed.
- Fiyachan
Bag Of Clothes
I couldn't do a return for a customer because she didn't have the receipt. After much back and forth and speaking to the manager she got so angry that she threw her bag of clothes at us and purposefully knocked over a couple of stacks of shirts while storming out of the store.
She came back 30 minutes later to get that bag of clothes back.
A Couple Licks
My husband and I have a few dogs. One tends to be less affectionate than the others. He literally put himself in a bad mood because the less affectionate dog gave me a couple of licks when we were all playing together, but not my husband...
Good Golly Miss Molly
I worked for restaurant that was 50's themed. They had the awesome old school coca cola plaques... the whole shebang so you can clearly see what you're walking into. Dude comes in with his wife they order, pick up their food and sit down. 5-10 minutes later dude is up at the counter pissed demanding that the music station be changed and play Christian rock because the music is offensive. Good Golly Miss Molly was playing.
We explain that we have no control over it and that the music is meant to play into the whole 1950's theme, and that the only way to have the song change is to put money in the jukebox and pick songs. Well he goes on a profanity-filled rant, claiming that were excluding him because of religious beliefs that he's calling the city. Then he goes over to the table, dumps all his food on it, smears it around with his hands and leaves.
What I found hilarious was that his face was covered in gang tattoos, he had "die motherf*cker" and a gun tattooed on his neck. His wife had a big cross tattooed in between her breasts. I normally wouldn't know this, but she was wearing a tube top 3 sizes too small so everyone could see everything. The south side of Chicago can be really classy sometimes.
Yahtzee
GiphyMy mother kicked my kids out of her house on Christmas day because my 7 year old disagreed about the rules of Yahtzee.
"It"
I had a friend at University with an incredibly jealous girlfriend. I kind of understood because he and I did date for a very short time, but it was long over. His girlfriend was really petty about it, though. She wouldnt let him use my name. He had to call me "It" when she was nearby.
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!