The kindness of strangers is a rare and valuable thing. From a young age, we are taught to fear and mistrust strangers, so when someone goes out of their own way to help us, it is magic.
u/PissYourTi*s asked:
What is the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you?

Here were some of the answers.
Calming, Soothing
Got into a pretty bad car wreck when I was 19 and was alone and scared. The cop dropped me off at a gas station so I didn't have to wait for my parents to come get me on the side of the interstate.
A kind lady came over and asked me if I was alright. She gave me directions and drew me a map to the local tow yard (I had the tow yard name and street from the cop). She helped me calm down and gave me water and waited close to an hour until my parents picked me up.
I'll never forget her kindness. I think of her often and I hope she remembers what she did helped so much in my time of shock.
Small Yet Kind
Years ago I was at Walmart buying a lunchbox and a bunch yogurt for my kid and my debit card didn't work. It was about $30 and the lady behind me pulled out cash and paid for my groceries. I tried to thank her, ask her name, or give her the little bit of cash from my wallet. She wouldn't hear any of it and sent me on my way.
I try to "pay her back" by doing random acts of kindness for people when they least expect it, but definitely need it.
The Man In The Chippy
I was on my way home from a party and my phone had died, it was late, dark out and there was a very heavy rainfall. I missed my turning (roadworks and couldn't for the life of me see anything) so I figured if I keep in the same direction I'll find my way again.
Wrong. I had drove about an hour in the wrong direction down all these small country lanes trying to find a slip road to the motorway. Starting to panic I pulled into the first open shop I saw which happened to be a fish and chip shop and asked the ladies if they could point me in the direction of my hometown. They hadn't even heard of it, major bad sign right there and similarly I hadn't heard of the small village in which I found myself completely lost.
There was a man in the chippy buying his tea who had overheard my conversation and took pity on my plight and tried to draw me a map but the route was complicated and said it best if he took me as it was a short cut and would very likely get lost on my own, it was only a 10 minute journey and he really didn't mind.
So I was following him in my car down all these small country lanes in the pitch black and the 10 minutes passed and then another, and another, 30 minutes in and he indicates to pull into a garage. He must have sensed that I would be scared as he approached my car cautiously and kept a distance and told me to take the next left onto the motorway and I would know my way from there. I didn't get much of a chance to thank him because I was feeling quite scared and emotional. But truth to word he had drove me right to the motorway slip way.
The next day, overwhelmed and grateful I tried to track him down so I retraced my steps on google maps until I found the chip shop and googled their number. I recounted my story to the owner and they had remembered me. I said I was trying to track him down to thank him and asked if I could leave some money with them to pay for his next meal but they said he wasn't a regular customer and they didn't know who he was but that they had gave him a free meal when he returned.
So this kind hearted stranger drove an hour out of his way just so that I could get home ... his kindness is something that will stick with me forever.
A Little Life
I was crying alone in the park at night because I just got back from dinner with my estranged dad that I now see maybe once a year. It was really hard seeing him again and as I was sitting on the curb crying, someone approached me and said: "Look I know it's weird because I'm a stranger but you look like you need a hug" Got the hug and she actually had a really good pep-talk about family and absent fathers. Never even got her name but I gained back all my trust for humanity that day.
Two Encounters
Four months ago, I got the call at work that "something was wrong," with my stepdad, who raised me. Walked outside to follow up, as nobody would give me details while I was at work. Found out he had killed himself. I fell onto the sidewalk and sobbed and sobbed. Honestly I barely remember it, besides the feeling of being unable to breathe or move. What I do remember is a beautiful stranger picking me up off the sidewalk and half carrying/half walking me back into the building so I could get myself together and collect my things so I could go home. It turns out she works in my building (there's probably close to a thousand people, and we work in different departments, plus I'd only been there 5 weeks, so we'd never met before), so I eventually found out her name and wrote her a thank you note, but no note will ever adequately express how grateful I am that she picked me up off the sidewalk that day.
My camera bag (my wallet was in it, too) fell out of the back of my SUV when the trunk didn't latch properly as we were leaving the Cape May, NJ beach. In the camera was the SD card with the only copies of the last photos of my son and my stepdad when he visited for my son's second birthday 6 weeks before his death. A stranger returned it to the police station with free boardwalk tram passes and a little note.
My stepdad was one of the kindest, most compassionate, and generous people in the world. These experiences at least made me feel like there are still people out there will a soul like his.
Memories
My family had a tradition of spending Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family, and Christmas Day with my moms. For quite a few of the Christmas eve parties, a man I didn't know would wander around with a old camcorder, and talk to people. He was a friend of other people in the family, but I had no idea who it was. Several years later, after both my mother and grandmother had passed away, he handed us all a copy on DVD of his Christmas videos, edited together as a thank you for inviting him every year. It was about the nicest gift I've ever gotten, as it's the only video footage I have of them left, and it was from a total stranger.
A Bike, A Bike!
When I was about 7 we went to a police bike auction to try and find me a bike, since I hadn't learned how to ride one yet. I found a really cool red bike with flames and even training wheels already on it; I was totally obsessed from first sight.
But my mom then had to explain to me that it was too expensive ($50) and she couldn't get it for me. I was pretty upset, crying and not understanding why I couldn't have this great bike. That's when a random stranger who'd overheard came up and told my mother he'd buy that bike for me.
I didn't really understand what he'd done at the time, I was just ecstatic that I got my bike. But I still think about it; how that guy just bought a crying kid a bike out of the kindness of his heart, expecting nothing in return.
Now that I'm older with a steady job, I'd like to get a kid a bike like that, given the chance.
Long Lasting
My first job was in a little coffee shop. I was 16 and doing my best to support my little brother and mother. Times were tough, very tough. Anyway there was a baker that used to work next door to my coffee shop. He'd come in and always say, "Ya need a new pair of shoes, kid." He was right, I did need new shoes. I'd just agree with him, too embarrassed to say I could not afford them. This went on for about a month. Then one day, I come into work and my coworker tells me someone dropped something off for me that morning.
There's 2 boxes sitting in the back for me. In one box is a new pair of shoes. The other box has assorted pastries. There's an eclair in there with special wrapping and a note that says: 'don't share this one.' Well, as it turns out, the filling of that eclair was cash. $500 and another note that said, "Please get rid of those ratty shoes. Keep your head up and pay it forward when you're older." I used that 500 to pay rent that month. We would have been evicted otherwise. And I kept those shoes well into my late 20s.
None Left Behind
I hitchhiked around the country (USA) this past summer. I got out of a 4 day backpacking trip in the Tetons in Wyoming and hitched a ride with a couple who were living in their van. They fed me tons of fresh fruit, and when they dropped me off, I realized I had left my phone in there van! I was devastated. I was alone in the middle of nowhere with no phone. 30 minutes later the same couple pulls up and the woman gets out and hands me my phone. I felt like crying and gave her a huge hug.
They had drove off for about 15 miles and realized I left my phone and drove back to give it to me. Hearts of Gold indeed.
Pay It Forward
Was driving on the highway with my family when the car broke down. A stranger pulled in behind us almost immediately. I was looking at the engine when he pulled up and asked if I needed help. I asked if he could give me a ride into town so I could arrange for a tow (this was pre-cell phones). He suggested we might get the car running again and asked me to get in it and try to start it. After a few minutes of troubleshooting he said he thought it was the fuel pump--a known issue with that particular engine. He said there was a parts store just a few miles up the road that probably had a fuel pump on the shelf. He offered to drive me over to check.
I said even if they had a pump I didn't have the tools to replace it. He said he had a set of tools in his trunk. I looked at the wife, and she said to go ahead (she had an equalizer made by S&W in her purse). So off we went to the parts store. Sure enough, they had one in stock. Back we went to the car, and replaced the pump right there on the side of the road. 45 minutes after the car had died we were headed down the road. I couldn't get the guy to even let us buy him lunch.
Now I pull over and offer to help anytime I see someone sitting in a car by the side of the road.
Let's get existential ... and argumentative.
Because this is internet, people, why are you acting like you don't know what we're here for?
Reddit user Due_Abrocoma6874 asked:
"What exists, but can't be sensed with our 5 senses?"
Which means what was intended as an exploration into the ephemeral took a sudden detour into semantics city.
Because Reddit is Reddit.
Magnetisim
"Magnetism, extremely powerful (it saves us from the Sun) but you can't tell it's there unless you have something to tell you. I work in a electric motor shop and have to stick my hand in +4,000 horse power motors with dummy rotors to test them. I'm probably shooting blanks now, my 2nd answer, infertility."
- Padmei
"I think you're confusing the effects of ionizing radiation with magnetism. Strong magnetic fields have absolutely no effects on humans; MRIs are a perfect example. However, working with radioactive materials or near x-ray sources can kill irreplaceable cells in the reproductive organs of both sexes."
- Jenyweny09
"Hence the burning question, 'F*cking Magnets, How Do They Work??' "
- saruin
"Interesting job, bad answer."
"Look I'm not a 'magnestist' here, just an electrician which I guess could be one of the next closest jobs. But thats like saying you can't use any of our senses to sense gravity."
"Ever seen an object get affected by a magnet? That's sensing magnetism through our sense of 'sight'. Ever held something near a magnet - or even a magnet itself since you can feel the repllent aspect of the force as well? That is sensing magnetism through our sense of 'touch'."
"When anyone cops a belt (sparky for an electric shock) whether it be licking a 9v battery, touching live 240v conductors or even getting struck by lightning; we are feeling the electromagnetically energised positive protons and negative electrons trying to balance themselves out. We literally feel our body experience magnetism."
"Hahaha I did have a laugh at your second answer though that's probably true"
- sheppo42
"Actually, both of those are the effects of magnetism. We can't sense magnetic force, just what it causes."
- Mori_564
It's Technically Hearing, But We Get It.
"The difference between an awkward silence and regular silence"
- Jeutnarg
"YES! Have a freebie!"
- Sticketoo_DaMan
"I choose not to ever consider silence to be awkward silence and i encourage others to do the same. Yeah it's some corny sigma male sh*t but it's really made my conversations more enjoyable"
- maxverstrappin
"Once knew a guy who was having difficulties with a co-worker. HR finally just told them not to talk to each other. A week later HR spoke to him because the other guy whined about him being 'aggressively silent'. Like wtf?"
- II_Confused
"bro speaking facts"
- holdupdindindindin
"It is a regular silence until you mention the silence. Then it is an awkward silence."
- nellucd
Getting Metaphysical
"Most of reality."
- hydraxl
"And yet some brilliant humans have been able to make many of the insensible things visible through their inventions. It’s incredible how many things are known even when we’re unable to detect it without devices."
- TheYeti4815162342
"I thought this was a dark matter reference at first."
"Most of the universe is dark matter, but we can't see it, touch it, smell it, or interact with it in any way with our senses."
- stevey_frac
"This is perhaps the best and, simultaneously, most frightening answer."
"If we had 10 more senses and 1000 more IQ points we still wouldn't be able to experience even a fraction of reality."
- pezdal
"This 100%."
"Here's a rough list of things that are currently all around you but you don't know is there:"
"Countless air molecules such as oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen"
"Light (EM spectrum) outside of our range. Radio signals from cell phones, routers, towers, planes, etc. Xrays and gamma rays from upper atmosphere particle interactions and distant stars."
" Billions and billions of neutrinos produced by the sun that penetrate the earth (and your body of course)."
" Radioactive emissions from various natural decaying elements including Carbon"
"14 found in pretty much anything with Carbon (such as your body). Also Potassium such as in Bananas."
" Billions of bacteria and viruses all over everything."
" That Klingon Warbird decloaking off starboard!"
- salbris
Radiation
"Nuclear radiation, plus neutrinos - they go right through us."
- Ghostforever7
"Apparently it tastes like metal when there is a lot of radiation tho"
- luminaxed
"Astronauts said they could see flashes of light through their closed eyelids, so not all radiation"
"But I do agree with neutrinos"
- FrankMiner2949er
"Technically you could sense neutrinos since they could hypothetically interact with the liquid inside your eyes, but that happens so rarely and our eyes are so small that statistically it will never happen for anyone ever."
- Moikle
You Have To Imagine The Flavor
"The different flavors of La Croix."
- Tantra_Charbelcher
"La Croix flavors aren’t real, you read the can or see the color and it tricks your brain into thinking there is a flavor. I’m convinced this is true and nothing anyone says can change my mind."
- megapuffranger
"Wait... La Croix has flavors? I thought it was just different can colors"
- Tips__
"Ha! I have a buddy that always said La Croix is like drinking sparkling water while someone on the other end of the house whispers the word grapefruit."
- mrausgor
"It tastes like TV static"
- chealey21
Tricky Brain
"Magenta. Your brain makes it up"
- TrulyTynixo
"I'll take it if seeing it as grey is the only alternative."
"Crap how many things that we perceive as grey are actually exciting colours? I know certain birds, insects and marine life can see a wider scope of colours than we can."
- Chromattix
"I am so confused. I know exactly what magenta is but I googled it and there are no wavelengths? Is life a lie?"
- K_Xanthe
"Technically your brain makes up all colors and sight. I think what you are saying though is that there isn't a specific wavelength range that the brain directly converts to magenta. Actually now that I think of it, I'm not sure what that weird fact is about. I'll have to read more about it."
- c_c_c_c_c_c_d
"Even crazier than Magenta are the impossible colors which can only be perceived temporarily via an optical illusion."
" 'Stygian Blue' is a shade of blue that's darker than black."
" 'Hyperbolic Orange' is a shade of orange that's even more orange than orange."
"The 'self luminous' colors look like brighter-than-white glowing pastels."
"They're kind of trippy."
- Cybyss
Gasses
"Carbon monoxide. Unless dying counts as a sense."
- Rampant_baconator
"All gasses except for CO2 are undetectable to the human body. Not just CO"
- Rotor_Tiller
"Even CO2 is undetectable. It has the EXACT SAME symptoms as every other gas. An impending sense of doom, hallucinations(usually scary and violent) and finally random bouts of unconsciousness getting worse as the volume increases but thats hypoxia as well so..."
- MutedAd7206
"What I mean is that CO2 is the pretty much the only gas that the lungs evolved specifically to reject. A lung full of CO2 is always going to burn and generally feel suffocating although I don't have enough experience with colder co2 vapors to know what those might feel like."
- Rotor_Tiller
"If it's a lung of PURE CO2 yeah but in the toxic level you won't notice it cause it's not lethal."
- MutedAd7206
"Why is this so far down on the list?"
- alleghenysinger
I Got A Feeling Somebody's Watching Me
"When you’re being watched. You can’t hear, see, touch, taste or smell who or what is watching you. You just kinda… know 👁👁"
- Tobester2005
"I've heard that your peripheral vision is exceedingly good at detecting eyes. It doesn't tell you exactly where but it alerts that 'being watched' feeling. Technically still sight."
- Spyblox007
"Typically, the reason for this is because your brain has picked up on something that isnt quite right, wether its silence, or the absence of something thats usually there, but most times, you can't tell what that thing is, but you know something isnt right"
- helpmylifeis_a_mess
"My buddy went hiking on Vancouver Island a few years ago and told me he had that exact feeling directly behind him. Turned around and a mountain lion was staring at him from a distance."
- eddieswiss
"You can you just don't know you can. You as a being are too focused on random bullshit than on surviving its why we have a part of the brain DEDICATED TO THREAT DETECTION. It's called your subconscious or Instincts. Instincts are useful because they give you that gut feeling and deal with your reflexes. If you've ever gotten into a fight and grabbed a rock or something without thinking about it it was Instincts. If you've ever felt paranoid or afraid of the dark despite being 30 years old and having gotten over it that's Instincts. If you've ever looked at a ledge and thought about jumping off that's Instincts telling you have terrifyingly bad an idea that is(something to do with monkey brain and judging distances you can fall from safely)"
- MutedAd7206
Existential Question
"Depends what you mean by "sensed". If I look at a video feed from a satellite at the far end of the Moon, am I seeing the far end of the Moon? If I look at a picture of distant galaxies imaged in infrared, watch a vapor trail in a particles experiment, listen to a sonification of data, feel a building tremble in an earthquake, do I sense these existing things?"
"What is allowed to be between myself and the existing 'thing', to still call it sensing? Do the instruments have to be part of my body? What about glasses? Implanted lenses? Hearing aids? Skin grafts?"
"Regardless of your answer, the only thing I would say with some certainty exists, but cannot be sensed, is the future (some future) because the laws of physics forbid time travel in that direction.."
- grismar-net
"I would argue that time in that sense doesn’t even really count as existing. It’s more of an abstraction or summary of the interaction between existent things in space (spacetime would be a better way to think about it)."
"Not one thing can be said to exist without the claim being dependent on the senses."
-
Not Your Typical Wave
"Most radio waves"
- brock_lee
"More like the entire electromagnetic spectrum apart from visible light and infrared."
- Mems1900
"Up to a certain amplitude but eventually … cooked 😂"
- CutAccording7289
"Most light aka most of the electromagnetic spectrum. In fact we can't sense any radio waves at all, not with our human senses anyway, as the OP asked."
- c_c_c_c_c_c_d
"I was going to say WiFi, but that is also an electromagnet wave."
- met3_1
Now that you've argued your way through some Redditors thoughts, let's argue more in the comments.
What do you know exists even though you can't exactly perceive it?
Life is full of boring things.
Life is full of uninteresting things.
So... if life full?
That's a question for another time.
Let's focus on the things that leave us bored to tears.
Or numb with no feeling at all.
You ever wonder how people get so super involved and jazzed about some stuff and you look at it and all you can do is yawn?
That's our topic.
Redditorroscatorossowanted to hear about what things we all can live without.
They asked:
"What's something you have ZERO interest in?"
I have a long list of having zero interest in things. Give me a few more points.
Auto Issues
"Extending my car’s warranty."
reddittothegrave
"We have messaged you about your car's extended warranty."
Ashamed-Help-6662
Potions
"Herbalife."
meskal1L
"All pyramid schemes should get stuffed."
I_AM_FERROUS_MAN
"At one point my boss was hocking Herbalife and young living essential oils on the side of the business, it was a blast trying to take a sick day because she had the cure for everything."
mediumlowpriority
Never Again
"Commercial advertisements interrupting what I’m doing."
NimrodvanHall
"Let's talk about commercial ads in cinemas. I stopped going to a certain cinema (The Space chain, in Italy) for this reason. Tickets are more expensive than the family owned cinema, and before the movie starts you have at least 30 minutes of ads."
"Unless you book online, they don't allow you in if the 'movie' has started. Online bookers can go in until 30 minutes after the booked time. For some reason, my friends love it. I deeply hate it. People usually run out of popcorn before the movie starts. The last time I went there, I paid 12.50€ for a movie that had to start at 22:30, and it started at 23:20. Never again."
Liscetta
Tasks
"Raid shadow legends."
aintshockedbyyou
"I did actually download it. Played it for like 5 minutes, there was very little in the way of strategy or anything and it kept giving me new 'tasks.' Eventually I discovered a 'Auto fight' button that would literally play the game for you requiring 0 input from you. I uninstalled it."
Crackracket
Idiots
"Shows about d**chebags dating on some island."
Kramer1812
I still can't believe people get invested in those shows.
Blah Blah
"Literally whatever my neighbor wants to talk about, everyday."
maketes
Who Cares?
"Gender reveal parties. We're gonna find out soon enough."
NO_Cheeto_in_Chief
"Somebody I worked with had a cringy one of these at our team meeting, after talking shop about very serious issues in suits and ties etc. At the end my manager was like 'ok so now we have a special moment where Nadine is going to reveal to us the gender of her baby.' She got up excitedly in front revealing a big box covered in glitter and s**t, slowly cut a ribbon and balloon popped out with 'it's a boy' on it. We just all sat there and awkwardly clapped like we cared."
keepYourMonkey
They're Nobody
"Praising and defending corrupt politicians like a freaking God."
Hefty-Mistake-4290
"Corrupt politicians, more like ANY politician. I find it so strange seeing people idolise and put their political leaders on these untouchable pedestals while they crap on them, none of them care about anything other than their agenda and their wallets."
callumpenman00
Enough
"I've recently been seeing a clickbait on my social media that says, 'Did Anne Frank have white privilege? The internet is up in arms...' or something like that. I cannot even describe the feeling of shut the heeeeellll up, and total exhaustion that that question gives me."
Particular_Rav
Not a Thing
"Celebrities/ Influencer Culture."
MisterD90x
"I really hate the term 'influencer.' It just sounds so pompous and is mostly only used by people who want to feel more relevant than they actually are."
CC_Keyes
I have less than zero interest in all of this.
The times do change fast don't they? Everything we think we'll know about the future is usually false.
How much of history is littered with things we thought we'd never be able to do without?
Now we watch movies in our palms. (Instead of theaters.) We send millions of dollars through the air. (Instead of withdrawing in person, or a check.) And we no longer need pennies. (Basically)
Who would have thought?
These were all going to be life essentials.
But generation by generation, the obsolescence takes over.
RedditorVictorPumpensteinwanted to talk about what truths were hidden until it was too late for each group as we aged.
They asked:
"What is the biggest lie sold to your generation?"
Beepers. I was told my beeper would be forever. Alas...
You Still Here?
"Gen X-er here... we were told that the boomers would eventually retire. Still waiting for that to happen while rapidly approaching retirement age myself."
drsfmd
JOHNNY!!
"Don’t act up in class Johnny, It will go on your PERMANENT RECORD!!"
ThePracticalDad
"I worked in records for a public school board many years ago. The only thing colleges ever requested was transcripts and IEPs if a student had one. However, the police would request full disciplinary records of someone was going to be hired. And unless a student had a disciplinary hearing at some point, most records other than transcripts are destroyed after 7 years."
War Over
"The war on drugs."
2003gts
"Poverty and terror won theirs, too. Turns out, declaring war on a concept without attacking the societal roots of the problem is just a way to funnel more money into the military-industrial complex."
MrVeazey
"Shout out to pharmaceutical companies for winning the war on drugs."
Responsible_Tell1589
instead of cardboard...
"Plastic recycling. I remember when grocery stores went from paper bags to plastic because 'they're recyclable!' Literally everything else started coming wrapped in a ton of plastic (instead of cardboard) because it was recyclable. Single use plastics were great, because we'd just recycle the plastic, and use it forever! Turns out, it was just cheaper, and recycling had nothing to do with it. Most of that plastic can't be recycled anyway."
DifficultMinute
Food Contents
"Fat is bad, sugar is good."
Thesorus
"This is why America has an obesity epidemic. Even now, older generations tout the health benefits of low fat things, without bothering to look at sugar contents. High sugar processed foods that happen to be low in fat destroyed multiple generations. Thankfully I think Gen Z might be the turnaround. Older generations are pretty messed up."
Bulky_Consideration
Unprotected
"Medicare and social security will protect you. Based on how things are going, anyone with 30 years or more before retirement better have strong backup plans."
iteraco
Oh Medicare and social security. What. A. Disaster. We are in trouble.
Just Type
"You will always have to write in cursive."
hakuna_matitties
"I hated those cursive books and being 10 and still couldn't figure it out. My sister a year behind me never had to write cursive. I firmly believe my year was the last year to deal with cursive. This was back in 2012-2013."
chonketteseal
It's Broken
"Climb the corporate ladder."
UKS1977
"It's not a ladder, it's a pyramid. Only one person can be CEO, a handful can be executives, a bigger clump can be in some form of middle management, but the majority will always be 'individual contributors' - what an amazingly corporate term."
"You're often better off with an in-demand skill set that you can shop from company to company. Unless you enjoy fighting and scrabbling and climbing over people to keep getting promoted. Sure, you may have crappy bosses, but even the CEO has to go in front of the board and be told everything that's going wrong."
towerdweller
I'm Good
“If you don’t go to college, you’ll die broke and alone on the street.”
googlyeyes183
"I wish i hadn't been pushed so hard to go to Uni at 18. I wasn't ready yet and i didn't know what I wanted to do with my life yet. Asking a 16 year old what degree and vocation he wants is just a bad way of doing it!"
Relentless_Fiend
"My principal in high school was upset at me because I wasn't going to college. He told me multiple times that if I don't, then I am just throwing away my intelligence. I never went to college because it just sounded miserable and expensive. I worked a few different jobs after high school and learned a lot then started my own business. Glad I never went to college."
acetamethemphetamine
Not True
"Work hard for your company and they will take care of you."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
whatintheactualfeth
So much changes over each generation. How will we ever learn?
In this day and age of sexual freedom and experimentation, why would you cheat?
It makes absolutely no sense.
Unless, the act itself is part of the fun.
No matter your decision, let's pinpoint the moment we know we're heading down that path.
Everybody can name the times you feel it in your gut.
You know it's crossed a line.
Now what?
Redditorcrabpinchingmyanuswanted to hear about the moments when we all begin to fall short of fidelity.
They asked:
"Redditors, where does cheating in a relationship start for you?"
You always know when it's wrong. At least I always did. That's why is called cheating.
Plotting
"The sneaking around. The second you start plotting to do something behind my back. You're violating the trust of the relationship."
Warkitz
Intent
"Honestly it's about intentions more than anything. If my SO started pursuing someone romantically that's cheating - doesn't matter if it's lovey dovey texting or f**king. If my SO was at a party and a drunk person kissed him suddenly against his wishes, that's not cheating."
"At the end of the day it comes down to them wanting to be with another person and they aren't being honest about it. The polite thing to do, even though it's painful and hard and sad, is to break up. Breaking up is never crappier than cheating."
NowHeres_HumanMusic
Tests
"If you would be unwilling to tell your partner about an interaction, then it's probably time to start thinking about what you're doing."
Teafairy6767
"Yeah I think the two basic litmus tests are..."
"1- Would you tell them/do it in front of them?"
"2- Would you be okay with it if they did the same thing?"
"If the answer is yes to both, it’s probably fine. If it’s no to either, then at minimum you’re on dangerous ground."
audigex
Off Limits
"It depends on what each couple would consider to be off limits. A good guide is if you're doing something you would hide from your partner or wouldn't do it if they were in the room with you, then that's cheating. It can range from having sex with someone else, to simply flirting."
j_neutrus
Omissions
"Lies. It always starts with lies. Be it texts or snaps, if one of us have to lie or hide, it's wrong and should not happen."
notyourusuallady
It's always a lie in the beginning. Don't lie... it's a Commandment.
Upon Reflection
"If you wouldn't want your partner to know, it's cheating. I wouldn't flirt with someone else in front of my partner, so I don't flirt with people when he's not around either."
kellogg888
actions/feelings/thoughts
"As cheesy as it sounds, it starts with your motive, intention, and conscience. I think there's a clear cut difference between physical cheating and mental/emotional cheating, but it all relates to your honest motive, intention, and conscience. For example, there isn't anything inherently wrong with texting with another person if you are married or dating."
"But if you know in your heart that you are texting or engaging in conversation that makes you feel guilty or it would make your partner upset, you may be doing something wrong, even if you technically did not cheat. If at any point you are justifying your actions or defending your actions/feelings/thoughts from a technical perspective, you may be at the start of doing something wrong."
orange_cuse
That's cheating...
"Cheating starts at lying, even by omission. I am okay with private conversations, meeting people she wants to meet, going away on business trips or going out and coming back late at night. But lying to me about it or about what happened? Or simply not telling me something I don't want to hear? That's cheating."
"So..."
"'I will go out tonight, to see people you don't know and talk about things you don't care about': we are in the clear, it is fine."
"'I saw X and Y last night at their place': if I know for sure that it is not true, then there is some cheating involved."
"It only works if you are not a creep, or even jealous. There needs to be mutual trust and respect. When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too."
pleasedontPM
Happy Birthday
"The intent. For me, an ex of mine that would later cheat on me started a tinder profile in which she claimed she "just wanted to find friends" and she certainly found quite a few of them. Obviously, she didn't just want friends. It could be as small as reaching out to an ex to say happy birthday, but most people have the intent to do something well before it is executed."
isnoe
The Grey
"If there’s a grey area, it’s cheating. If you know they will be upset, it’s cheating. If you have to hide it/lie/omit details. It’s cheating."
SufficientBug5598
There is never a good reason to cheat. Once you know it's starting... fess up.