Have you ever experienced a "glitch in the Matrix"? You know, those instances where your whole world suddenly becomes unfamiliar, and the unexplainable occurs before returning to normal? It's beyond the blue pill and the red pill- this sh*t happens in real life too. Here are some of the craziest glitches.
u/C00LRTH4nU asked: What is the creepiest glitch you've experienced In real life?
Maybe it was a prank?
Was taking the train home one afternoon and an old man was sitting a row ahead of me. He turned around and asked for directions to the hospital, and I told him which stop to get off at. Eventually, his stop arrives and he gets up to leave, but before he exits he turned and said "thank you, I'll see you later." I said "yeah no problem," and again he said "I'll see you later" and he looked me right in the eye. I said "sure, see ya" and he got off the train and hobbled away with his cane. Thought it was a little weird he was adamant about seeing me around but whatever.
Freaky thing is, when I got off the train and to the bus station, about five minutes after boarding my bus I hear a voice that sounds like the old man. I looked out the bus window and sure enough, he was there at the bus station--same clothes, hat, and cane. I know it was the same guy, but with his walking speed and the available bus/train routes at the time I have zero clue how he got to the bus station right when I did. There are no buses near the hospital that go to that bus station, and my train was the only train that had just arrived at the bus station.
This is actually kinda sweet.
I had a dream about a coworker. She loved dogs and would always ask me to share pictures of my GSD and Labrador whenever we'd talk at work. In the dream she was on a couch crying. My Labrador is a very emotional connected dog. She goes to anyone she thinks is sad, which is exactly what she did in the dream. My coworker looked at me and said, "thank you for sharing her, I feel better about all of this now".
I found out at work the next day that my coworker had tripped at the top of her stairs and died that night. The dream still freaks me out when I think about it. It was so vivid and clear.
In 2010 I was working for a transportation company as a dispatcher and I walked out to go home one afternoon and my foot went through the paved parking lot. After I took another step I looked all over and it was all solid - it was a weird random thing but I'll never forget it.
While this may not seem creepy, I can tell you the experience most definitely was creepy.
This happened when I was 8 and working in the yard with my mom. My mother and I were doing the spring planting in the flower beds around the house. I went inside for a pee break and on my way to the bathroom I had to walk through the living room.
I entered the LR through the kitchen. Looked up and on the other side of the LR, I saw sitting on the couch none other than my sister. She was wearing her school uniform and was looking towards me, but not at me. Never said a word. Nothing really unusual, right?
What makes this a glitch? My sister was hundreds of miles away at boarding school. Not helping us plant flowers and certainly not sitting at the edge of the couch giving me a blank stare.
My little 8 year old self reversed course and locked himself in the half bath until he regained the courage to go back through the house and finish planting hostas.
I mean, it's a great movie.Giphy
Every time I just randomly think about the movie Groundhog Day I see it everywhere, people mention it to me, it's on the TV, radio, I can't escape it.
The last night we were there, we were just watching TV in out hotel room when an episode of (I think) Supernatural came on where that song precedes bad things happening. We were all a bit stoned so it freaked us out.
We were freaked out again when we heard it on the drive home.
When I was a little kid, like around 6-7, my family got a pet hamster/gerbil/whatever. I remember the first day we got him I played with him, went upstairs for bed, fell asleep, woke up, came back downstairs, and he was dead.
I was really sad that the pet we had just gotten was dead, and my parents informed me we had him for a year before he died. I literally have no recollection of that entire year. I just get a hamster, fall asleep, miss a year of my life, wake up, hamsters dead. It's trippy thinking about it now.
One night my dad was tucking me in when I was 8 years old. He said goodnight and I replied "goodbye." He asked me why I said by and we laughed it off, it was just an accident. The next morning my brother found him passed in the living room. He had a heart attack in the middle of the night at the age of 48.
Had a bonfire at a family member's home. They put a sheet of metal on a concrete slab, then built the bonfire on top. No one thought about what happens when you make a hot spot in the middle of a frozen concrete slab. The concrete expands with no where to go, so it literally explodes.
I was the closest to the fire. When it exploded, I had enough time to check where the debris was going to see that I wasn't going to be hit. Look over at my mother and think, "I should move anyway so she doesn't freak out". So then I calmly stood up and backed away from the fire while laying down the chair I was sitting in (so it would fit between my legs while I stepped backwards).
At least that's what I thought. My cousin came up to me after and said he'd never seen anyone move as fast as I did.
That's really rough.
When my mom called to tell me that my grandpa died, I thought she said "papa died" and papa is the nickname for my dad. I was crying uncontrollably and when I finally figured out it was grandpa I was too embarrassed to admit that I thought it was my dad. I called him later and told him and he just laughed.
Anyway fast forward three weeks and my dad dies too. Part of me thinks mishearing her was the universe preparing me to lose him.
It was weird because it was like I lost him twice and I'm still kind of waiting for someone to tell me it was all a mistake and it was actually someone else.
Edit: I feel kind of bad because I've barely thought about Grandpa since my dad died. My grandma has it the worst because she lost a husband and a son in the same month.
Sleeping can be scary.
Sometimes when I dream, and I wake up, I "wake up". I know it's a dream. I just know it's a dream. But I can't "wake up". And the harder I try to wake up, or the more I realize I have to wake up, the scarier it gets, even though nothing really changes. It feels like a darkness enveloping you as you try and wake up from your fake room.
How do I know it's a fake room? Just some weird details. Like how my wall looks a little TOO white. Or the christmas tree's lights are on when they're supposed to be off (don't ask why I have one in my room and not the living room lol).
So then I go through like maybe 1-2 minutes of intense waking up, falling back asleep. Trying to open my eyes, but then falling back asleep right after. As I said, the rooms are similar but not too similar, so I can just about tell when I'm in the real world and when I'm dreaming.
Or perhaps both rooms are fake, and when I finally wake up, it's the real me in the real world. I dunno. Those are the scariest of dreams, even though they last for a few minutes tops because that's right before I'm about to wake up.
Listen to your dreams.Giphy
I was on holiday with family and had an intense dream about our home being broken into. When we got home the place was trashed just like I dreamt, my parents remember me telling them about the dream when I woke up too so I didn't imagine it.
Not a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom and I have had dreams MULTIPLE times about people dying or things happening and then they did. The most notable ones off the top of my head are when she told me she had a dream my former boss, who was also a family friend, died, and then he did 3 days later; and the time I had a dream that myself and two of my employees were driving somewhere together and the three of us got in a car crash. I texted them telling them to drive safely because I'd had that dream, and the next day the two of them were driving somewhere together and got in a car crash. It wasn't their fault either, so it's not like it was a self-fulfilling prophecy or anything.
Tragic but hopeful.
I don't know if I would even call this a glitch because I'm sure it can be explained by my brain just making this up, but I don't believe that that's what it was.
My childhood best friend died tragically and unexpectedly in the summer of 2018. When I say childhood best friend, this guy was more like my twin. We were 9 days apart and close literally since the day he was born. We grew up together, learned to walk together, were each other's first kiss at 4 years old, etc. We were close until the day he died, and he was very literally like my twin brother (we are both only children).
I believe in God and Heaven and in the concept of an afterlife, reincarnation, etc., and I've seen lots of signs from him since he passed, like me saying "give me a sign you're here" and a plane flew over my head (he was a pilot and that's how he died), and then me following it up by saying "that was just a coincidence" and ANOTHER plane flew over immediately. Another time, at Disneyland, we were in line for Thunder Mountain and a little bird was following us, hopping around the rafters. I made a comment like "it must be [friend]", at which point the bird landed on my head (I have witnesses for that one).
But the biggest thing was a dream I had. It was maybe two months after he died, and in the dream he and I and a bunch of other random people were at a party at my aunt's old house in Phoenix (me and the friend have never lived in Phoenix so idk why that's where we were in the dream). But in the dream, I knew he was dead, and I was crying and hugging him and saying "how are you here? How are you here?" And he just hugged me and said "it doesn't matter how I'm here, I can't tell you about it, but I'm here" and he was happy and healthy and okay. It's making me cry just typing it. Like I said, not exactly a glitch but everything that I've experienced when loved ones have died, especially everything with him, solidifies in my mind beyond a shadow of a doubt that this life isn't it.
A psychic movie.Giphy
This happened last year, during December I think? I was at school, watching a movie about the quantum immortality theory and stuff. I'm a big fan of PieMations, been following him ever since 2015. Let's go straight to the point
I wasn't really paying attention to the movie, so I just took out a few sheet of papers and started sketching. Mike (Piemations) has this one little character named pretzel. He's some kind of weird gryphon/bird? I don't know, it's pretty weird. I really like him so I said to myself "Hey, since I have nothing else to do, why not draw this old man a gift?" I started sketching. Came up with the idea of Pretzel holding a pepsi bottle, for the memes.
So, as soon as I finished sketching, I moved my chair back a little and took a look at my drawing. Then, I hear something coming out of the school's speakers; "A bag of pretzels and a bottle of pepsi, huh?" I was shook. My heart skipped a beat for a moment, I really lost notion of what happened at the moment I was so confused, so impressed, practically speechless.
School is now over and the thought of how coincidental life can be at times is still spinning in my head.
TLDR: Decided to draw during a movie, the movie "guessed" what I was drawing.
Talk about foreshadowing.
About 2 weeks before my best friend's grandmother passed away, her name (Which wasn't super common) and age had been in the death notices in the news paper. The day it came out, obviously everyone called concerned, but she was alive and well, needless to say, weeks later when she actually did pass away, everyone felt like it was some sort of weird warning.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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