Excuses, excuses; we've all heard them, and some are truly unbelievable. There are times that the unbelievable is true, though.
Reddit user Goldquarter asked:
Explosions Are Definitely A Valid Excuse
A student emailed me and said he missed the midterm because his car blew up. He sent a picture of him with the burnt car and police in the background and he looked just \*so\* defeated. The email went something like this:
I'm sorry for missing the midterm, and thi is going to sound like an excuse , but my car blew up. I'd really love a chance to re-write the midterm. If not....well, sorry again. I had bigger fish to fry"
I let him re-write the midterm lol.
Was playing an online game and had a party member say "f*ck gotta go, quake!"
Fortunately they were unhurt, because it was the horrendous Christchurch earthquake that IIRC killed dozens.
Glad He Got It Back
A guy we worked with didn't turn up one day, we tried calling him and no answer. After a few days me and a coworker went to his house, no answer at the door, his car wasn't in his driveway. After a couple of weeks we figure he has taken off somewhere and the boss put through his termination papers for not showing up.
About a month after that, the guy rocks up on a Monday morning in uniform ready to work. Turns out he had been in a car accident and was in a coma for weeks. He had no immediate family and no way to let us know.
He ended up getting his job back.
Cats Will Be CatsGiphy
My friend came to class back in high school with a ripped uniform shirt and told us the lions got it.
As it turns out his mum was a vet for a zoo and had two cubs in her backyard. They saw his shirt flapping on the line and did what cats do: shredded it.
A co-worker of mine said he couldn't come into work because the police wouldn't let him. Everyone at work called bullshit and then he sent us a picture from his window of a SWAT sniper using his car to monitor another building in his complex. Apparently there was a hostage situation. Everyone ended up being safe!
Peacock Just Wants To Be Loved
I was late to work once because a peacock was in the middle of the road. Boss didn't believe me until the next day when the peacock blocked the road when he was coming in.
I'm a high school teacher. ~10 years ago I had a student say he didn't do the homework because his car caught fire on his ride home, and his textbook was in the back seat. I was suspicious, but he quickly produced the badly charred textbook, which was also completely waterlogged from when the fire department put out the fire, and asked me if I could issue him a new one.
It's possible that he burned and soaked his textbook in an effort to getting out of doing the homework. If that was the case, bravo.
You're Not Allowed
Someone was running late for something due to a traffic accident, and a road being closed. So they tried an alternate route, and that was closed for a different incident. So they called, said that they'd try another way. The third route was blocked for something else. They called again, said they gave up and went back home. Checked the news, and they weren't making any of it up - there was no escape from their neighbourhood for awhile that day, several main roads were shut down for various reasons.
They Were Having A Magical Time
A friend told me he was late for tennis because he was stranded on a huge floaty unicorn on Lake Huron.
Turns out him and his girl rode out on the lake and couldn't get back. He had to call me and the coast guard because the unicorn was too big to drag back, for reference it was 60lbs not inflated or wet.
Swans Are Jerks
"Sorry mate a swan wouldn't let me out the car"
Turns out it was true as he was on the phone to his mum screaming and she takes great joy telling us this story.
Explosions Are Surprisingly Common
'My neighbors house blew up and the cops wont let anyone leave'.
Was an active meth lab and he couldn't smell squat, apparently.
A Compelling Excuse
Guy never showed up to work, and we couldn't get hold of him of on the phone.
Turns out he had been trapped inside a bank during a robbery that became a hostage situation. Nobody hurt thankfully.
-User Account Deleted
A Pointed Refusal
Asking someone I knew to go to the bar and hearing "I cant I got stabbed" turned out to be true. He sent me the video footage from the bar he was stabbed at. Over a game of pool arguing over the rules. The guy waited in bushes until bar close and stabbed him in the back. Cops did get the guy and the victim was okay after the hospital.
The Miracle Of Life
An employee was late to work because she had to scrub down her car after her friend gave birth in it. They were on their way to the hospital and didn't get there fast enough.
I had a student that claimed his eyes were swollen shut from poison ivy. I didn't believe him, but another teacher dropped off some assignments at his house, and said it was true. That must have sucked.
Did They Not Know Who They'd Hired?
Hired an employee via phone interview and she didn't show up first day at work. Called her up, she said she did come to work and received orientation. HR said she they didn't give anyone orientation..
Turns out she went to wrong address and they had an orientation for a dozen new hires and she somehow got in and tagged along.
He Just Wanted To Visit
I got a call once to go cover a shift for a co-worker as she has a horse at her house and she has to wait for it to be picked up. I laughed when I heard it but she sent me photos and apologized about me having to do her shift explaining the horse belongs to her mother and she often rides it to her house because the neighbour kids like it and stuff.
Turns out the horse got out the stables and decides to go for a long walk overnight and she was startled by some rattling at the open window in the living room. She thought somebody had broken in so ran in with a knife and found a horse head sticking through her open window into the living room like "Sup, got food? I've been walking all night and I'm hungry"
Her parents came with their horse trailer thing to get it but it took a while before they could arrive.
Sounds About Right
My cat tried to eat my homework when I was a kid. My teacher got a good laughs from the fang marks all over the page when I showed them.
Sometimes You Don't Want Proof
"I'm gonna be late, there's a naked crackhead on my roof. Waiting for police."
"You can just say you're running late, dude"
**sends picture message of a naked crackhead on his roof**
"Wow, there is a naked crackhead on your roof. Do what you gotta do, I'll cover."
Just Viewing My New Menagerie
My cousin told me he wasn't coming over because he was watching the elephant and giraffe in my aunt's backyard.
Turns out a truck carrying circus animals tipped over and the animals spilled out of the trailer.
Foreigners Describe The Most Disrespectful Thing They've Seen An American Tourist Do In Their Country
Why are Americans so stubborn in our behaviors when we travel? Would you go into a stranger's home and just put your feet up on the coffee table? Apparently the answer for many of you is yes.
When I am preparing for foreign travel I do a ton of research first. I want to make sure I know as much as I can, as to have the safest and most enjoyable experience possible. I also want to understand customs and the culture as to not be rude or leave a lasting bad impression.
And from the sounds of it, I'm an American minority on this topic.
Redditor u/Bugginette wanted Americans to listen up so that the next time we travel, we leave a better impression. So they inquired:
Non Americans of Reddit, what is the weirdest thing you have seen an American tourist do that would be considered very disrespectful/inappropriate in your country?
The only time I really caused a scene while traveling was when I was with a theatre troupe. We went to Amsterdam to tour a show. And let's just say we might have "indulged" in some cannabis, and run amok in the towns square for a bit. You could feel the disdain from the locals. Sorry, y'all. We'll do better next time.
Thieves...Jurassic Park Dinosaur GIF by VidiotsGiphy
"When I was in France a couple of American tourists tried to sneak out of the Paris Catacombs with a bone they had stolen."
"Not buy their round. In a pub in Ireland. When the pub round system had been explained to them. And they had happily taken drinks from everyone. And when it was their round, and everyone had empty glasses and it was mentioned that "Think it's your round..." and they responded " I think I'm good now thanks" Mortified for bringing them with me!! (and yes I bought the round for everyone else on their behalf.)"
"I'm an American but I was visiting England and touring the Tower of London. There was a cannon behind a rope with a "Do not touch or climb" sign. This American woman lifted the rope and told her kid (maybe 7 years old) to go sit on the cannon so she could take a picture. The KID protested and said the sign said no... The woman said she didn't care, and ordered her kid to do it or she'd ground them."
Hush up Karen!!Karen GIF by moodmanGiphy
"I overheard the guy standing in front of me in the queue at mc D's having a meltdown:"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T ACCEPT AMERICAN DOLLARS. THIS IS A MCDONALD'S!!!" This was in Poland, Europe."
U Crazy Girl!
"An American exchange student who complained to me in anger that book stores in Germany have so many books in German. I mean, it's not unusual here for every book store to even have a small section of books in other languages including English so it's not like she never got to buy a book here she could read."
How do you not research the currency? It's literally the FIRST thing you should be doing. For the love of God. There really should be a bad behavior travel ban list. It's not that arduous a task to not act like a fool. Oof.
Take It!Megan Mullally Lol GIF by Will & GraceGiphy
"I was in Rome and a lady was confused why the confectionery stand man wouldn't take her dollars."
"I was working a bar in Scotland. There was a woman one night with her daughter and she refused to pay with anything other than American cash. It was a super uncomfortable situation, me trying to explain how stupid it all was, her daughter (who I think was living in Scotland) was trying to calm her down and trying to pay but the mother kept pulling the her hand away from the card machine saying "you people love our money, our money is more important than yours."
"She kicked on for a solid 5 to 10 minutes, her daughter ended up paying and leaving. Then she had a go at me for embarrassing her daughter and she even left a review on trip advisor explaining the situation, she explained it perfectly literally wrote herself as the bag guy in the review. Freaking mind boggling how delusional this bird was."
"Haven't you planned your trip?"
"Probably only weird but when on a flight back to the UK from the US, the American lady sat next to me, started asking questions about England about 40 minutes before landing and not just like any "local recommendations" but really basic stuff like what currency do we use. It seemed like she had got on the plane knowing absolutely nothing about the UK, which blew my mind."
"Not just from a "haven't you planned your trip?" POV but having the confidence to do that. She seemed to think it was a small place and everything she wanted to see would be in front of her hotel. She was very polite and lovely about it in a naive way though."
To what end lady?
"In Canada some stores will accept American cash as payment, but by law have to still give Canadian change. I worked in a city that got a lot of American tourists, and it was crazy how often someone would get really frustrated with us for not giving them American change. I had someone even accuse me of lying about it being the law. To what end lady?"
"It's been pointed out that this may not actually be a law, it may just be the rules at the store or some accounting thing. It's been like ten years so the details are fuzzy."
Moron!!Unimpressed Loop GIFGiphy
"In Australia, shook a koala out of a tree at a wildlife park."
American Karens are just running a global mess. I mean who thinks this is decent, human behavior? Y'all need some serious discipline. And Americans are the first ones to point out bad behavior of visitors here. Help it make sense Lord.
Everyone has a bucket list, even if we haven't written it down. We all have a few ideas in the back of our minds about the things we want to do or see before it's lights out on life.
That's why the Make-A-Wish foundation is so special. They are often able to gift children extraordinary life highlights in the midst of tragedy and sorrow.
And every once in a while some of those requests are a bit surprising and off the wall. Hey, to each their own. Who knows why any of us love the things we love.
Redditor u/The_King123431 wanted to hear all about the wishes that have made people go... "Hmmmm!" By asking:
Make a wish employees, what was the strangest wish a kid asked for and actually received?
If tragedy had struck me at 5, I know I would've asked to meet ALF. I thought he was real...and Kermit & Piggy. Like I would've loved a tea and ice cream party with them. Actually... I would still ask for that now.
MulanChina Oops GIFGiphy
"I had cancer when I was very young and I was able to get a Make-A-Wish. Without hesitation, I said I wished I could eat Butterfingers with Mulan."
"It was my favorite candy and my favorite Disney character at the time so it made sense to me. But they didn't really know what to do, so they just sent me off to Disney World lol. Every time I go to Disney, I always bring Butterfingers with me & I always try to find Mulan in hopes my wish can come true. Maybe one day!"
"Ayo. Wish higher."
"I shot an internal promotional video for Make a Wish once. I got to read through a big book of wishes they had granted. Some of them were so extravagant and amazing. Family vacations, celebrity meetings. And then I saw a 3 year old who wished for a banana split for breakfast. And that's what they gave him. No one was like "Ayo. Wish higher."
"I helped host a visit to a planetarium by a kid whose wish was to go to the moon. The front office folks thought I could just give her a personal tour of the planetarium and show her some nice high-resolution visuals, but I thought she deserved better than that. I commissioned a jeweler friend and meteorite enthusiast to make a silver crescent moon necklace, which he graciously donated to the cause, and I donated a small lunar meteorite from my own collection."
"It was a gorgeous necklace very much to the credit of my friend's artistry and generosity. We couldn't take her to the moon so we gave it to her instead. She was thrilled, but later said her real highlight of the trip was the astronaut ice cream. Ah, kids."
A Few Ideas...
- "To be a "merman" (a boy mermaid). He got a tail and swam in the giant tank with other mermaids at the aquarium.
- To play football with "the red team" (no pro or college preference - just had to be red). USC made it happen."
"3) To be a "cool kid": Got a limo ride to the mall.. red carpet entrance with cheering fans, signed autographs, shopping spree for clothes. 5 years old- So cute- and very "cool."
"4) To be Robin (not Batman... he said he wasn't ready for that). Went on an epic adventure fighting crime with Batman."
Thanks VlasicBig Deal Sunglasses GIF by Dietz & WatsonGiphy
"There was a Make-a-Wish kid in a class I taught once and their wish was to tour a pickle factory. Pickles were their all time favorite food and they wanted to see how the sausage was made so to speak. Apparently Vlasic rose to the occasion in a major way and she had the time of her life."
Now I want a pickle and I think I need to rewatch "Mulan." At 12, I def would've asked to meet Madonna. No, I would've asked to go on tour with Madonna. And I would've wanted an endless supply of Fun-Dip. Remember that?
2 of a Kindbaby delivering GIFGiphy
"I know someone who was granted a wish. Of all things they could choose, they asked for 2 tiny birds, 2 budgies."
What up LEGO??
"I worked at a LEGO retail store in the 2000s and Make-A-Wish approached us for a child with terminal Osteosarcoma who wanted to be in the store for a day. LEGO unfortunately denied the request (which surprised myself and the rest of the staff because LEGO was a pretty great company)."
"Staff decided to honor the request ourselves. We closed the store early on a Sunday, then invited the kid and family in. He had a full run of the store, we collectively paid for like $1000 worth of toys for him to take home, and just spent the entire evening building w/e he wanted. He died a few months later 😭."
"In wizard 101 there's a quest with an NPC named Brandon, named after a make a wish kid who played the game, and his request was to design a side quest for the game. You meet Brandon and go help him clear out this dungeon with 2 really freaking hard bosses, was a lotta fun. At the end you get a gem you can socket that lets you summon Brandon into battle as a follower, pretty cool. Not sure what ended up happening to Brandon, but it's really cool that thousands of ppl have gotten to enjoy being a part of his wish tbh."
The Doc is In...
"I was approached by a similar organization who wanted to arrange a day for a kid to shadow a veterinarian. I'm just a small animal veterinarian with a small hospital so I found it odd that I'd be approached. I said yes (who tf would say no?) and we picked a day and had our regular patients in the hospital and the kid got to watch us do our thing for a day."
"We gave him a lab coat and a stethoscope and let him tag along and see x rays and ultrasounds and watch surgeries. I brought my dog in so he could try the ultrasound on her. He seemed to enjoy it. It wasn't a terribly strange request really, it just seems like my day-to-day isn't something anyone would consider their dream experience."
FORE!!golf swinging GIFGiphy
"My cousin was a Make a Wish kid. He loved golf, like had a scholarship to go play college, he loved it so much. He got to meet and play a round of golf with Payne Stewart. Unfortunately, he died not too long after that. I hate you cancer!"
I love these stories when I hear them. They make me believe in humanity, briefly. At my current age... I'd still want to meet ALF and Madonna but also, bourbon and tea with Adele. And you?
Cities. Those things we live in.
What city would you never, ever, EVER live in?
These places, while inhabited by a good number of people, aren't exactly the kind of spots you would want to go back to on a repeat visit.
Transformed Into Something Unsettling
"For me, it's Mecca. It's beautiful, but it's just not for an openly gay Western dude like me."
"Same with Tehran."
"Im surprised you think Mecca is beautiful lol. I, along with almost every Muslim I know, hates what has happened to that place. The skyscrapers are extremely ugly (especially that goddam clock tower) and overshadow the beauty of the mosque. Almost all historical sites are gone except for the Kabah. I know they need infrastructure to handle all the people but they did it in the worst way possible."
"Mecca like almost every other Arabian city has turned into places for rich Saudis to show their wealth and almost nothing else."
"Irvington, NJ - My friend told me to run through every red light and not stop at any cost after I dropped her off at her apartment. Her wise words phased me as I stopped at the first red light. 3 seconds later a huge motherf-cker with a crowbar starts heading in my direction. 3 red lights all while screaming toward McCarter Highway."
"The following week my car was stolen while I was attending classes in Newark and they used my car to rob a liquor store in Irvington, NJ. Literally only owned my car for 2 weeks."
"F-ck Irvington, NJ."
The Literal Fast And The Furious
"Cairo, Egypt. 19 million people, 23 million cars, no stoplights. On a 3 lane road, you have 5 lanes of traffic, left shoulder, straddling first white line, middle lane, straddling 2nd white line, and right shoulder! When we visited, our tour guide told us we needed 3 things to drive there…"good brakes, good horns & good nerves!"
Cars are bumper to bumper, and then people are crossing the street in between the cars, walking, in wheelchairs, pushing baby strollers! Then along beside our bus, comes someone riding a donkey! Crazy. Soldiers with machine guns on the street corners, we even had an armed guard on our tour bus."
Then there are some cities, some you might never have visited, which have generated enough discussion and gotten enough publicity to be actively awful in your mind. You don't have to have gone there to know you never want to be there.
A Place To Skip Completely
"Mumbai. Even if I was financially secure, I couldn't stand seeing all the poverty and squalor all the time. It would weigh on me."
"A friend of a friend spent six months riding his motorcycle from London to Chennai. He recorded everything in his journal in excruciating detail except for Mumbai. There was only one sentence about Mumbai. It was about driving around Mumbai. He did everything you could imagine on the way, but decided to skip Mumbai completely."
Not All Of It. Just Some Of It.
"Paris. I used to hate all French people because of my experiences there, and then I met one who explained that there's basically two Frances; Paris and everywhere else, and then we bonded over bad mouthing the place and now my antipathy is more precise."
It's All In The Family
"LA, if you want half quality people, air, and living for double the price and problems, it might be for you"
"I have friends who live in LA, and swear it's awesome. But they actually live in Rancho Palos Verdes, in their parent's mansions."
And then there's cities like these.
Cities so bad an introduction isn't required.
What's Your Excuse?
"The Simpsons summed it up perfectly: "We were born here, what's your excuse?"
"I can laugh at this because I'm from Thunder Bay"
Booze. Sex. Sin. All The Best Family Values.
"Las Vegas. Fun to visit, but not where I'd want to raise my family."
"I think my first realization that people grow up and live in Las Vegas was at 16 or so when watching Criminal Minds and hearing that Spencer Reid grew up there. It was that record scratch moment. Wait, people LIVE IN and raise their babies in the city of sex, sin, and gambling? I felt stupid, of course, upon realizing that all the casino workers and strippers have to live somewhere, and might fall in love, and might marry and have kids."
"And then I had a second life-changing revelation when I realized people probably feel the exact same way about my home city, Miami. I was raised there and lived there for 2 decades. A lot of people have no concept of Miami outside TV and probably think my parents are horrible people who raised me in a den of yachts, Pitbull, cocaine, dirty money, bad boob jobs, and spring breakers. Meanwhile I actually lived in a very normal and boring suburb."
A Slow Decline Over Time
"Gary Indiana. Went through there when heading to O'hare & was not impressed. heard multiple gunshots when driving through."
"So I literally learned about Gary, Indiana from these threads where it always pops up as one of the worst places to live or be. Could you explain why it is so sh-tty?"
"Long story made short, Gary was a good place to live. Nice paying steel industry jobs. That went away. High crime rate, high poverty rate, and empty, falling down buildings everywhere. I used to live in Chicago and would avoid Gary when traveling at all cost."
Each city is different. What works for some might not be what works for others.
However, it does feel like some of these cities need to be at the top of your "Never Visit" list, don't they?
Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex should be enjoyed and always consensual. But often, sex can be dangerous, especially when you're trying out new things, like a new location.
Who hasn't thought about upping the adrenaline ante when it comes to sexytime? We've all been there. But some ideas really should just stay ideas.
Why break a hip or an arm just to make things a little more saucy? Just try a different room in the house, or the backyard, but bring bug spray.
And some areas in public are safety hazards for a reason.
Redditor u/playfulinvestment01 wanted to know about all the places we need to avoid when it's sexytime, by asking:
What is the worst place you had sex?
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy
"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed OffPiano Performing GIFGiphy
"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy
"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy
"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.