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It's hard for us to think of our parents as humans.

When we're little, they're our superheroes. When we're teenagers, they're our super villains. But as we near the age our parents had us, we realize they likely had zero idea what they were doing; they were struggling to do their best with us.

Can we all find it in our hearts to reflect a little on our own parents?


u/that1guyinAR asked:

What was the most shocking revelation you had about your parents as you entered adulthood?

Here were some of the answers.


Unhealthy Practice For Society's Sake

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That my parents HATED each other, but stayed married for over 18 years because of us kids. They faked being nice to each other to the almost very end of their marriage, even then they didn't fight in front of us kids. My Dad dealt with it mostly with alcohol. My Mom was on all sorts of high end 1970's prescription drugs.

After over 30 years of being divorced, and both having remarried, they STILL, to this day, make snide comments about each other and truly hate being in the same room.

90Carat

The Unfortunate Truth

My mom drinks a bit, and as her children have moved out and on, the quantity she'll drink each night with/after dinner has increased quite a bit. Anyway, recently she told me that she can't drive at night anymore due to cataracts. I kind of went "alright that makes sense" because her 90 year old father has cataracts as well.

Yesterday I read a nonfiction piece called "Why Aren't You Laughing?" About the author's mother and her relationship with alcohol. In it, his mother uses the exact same excuse, and he states that he and his sisters knew that the real reason was she was too drunk by sundown to drive.

That was a really big "Oh" moment for me. I had to put the book down for a few minutes after I read that section.

sunoko

This Job Ain't Easy

My mom was a nurse in the neo-natal unit (premature babies). There'd be days she'd come home and it was obvious she'd been crying. At the time I'd give her a hug and tell it to feel better then go play outside or back to my video games not thinking much of it - I was ten.

It wasn't until my senior year in high-school that it dawned on me, that often the reason she had been crying was because a baby had died on her shift. I can't even imagine having to deal with that on a semi regular basis. She later told me she was often responsible for supporting the parents and one of her talents was making clay moulds of the deceased babies hands as a keepsake for the parents. Thinking about doing that and having to make the moulds, made me realize that my mom was the most incredibly strong and compassionate person I'd ever known.

ThisIsFineImFine89

Hard Work To Survive

How poor we were and how well they handled it. We weren't extremely poor to the point where we were homeless, but as I got older and started to penny pinch I realized how much my parents had to. We regularly had grilled cheese or eggs for dinner which I now realize is because they're relatively inexpensive. Our vegetables were always grown in our tiny garden. Our grandmother was our only babysitter. My father worked triple overtime and my mother worked double. My mother would "splurge" on a box of wine that would last a month. My father would always wear the same clothes for years.

We always had great holidays and they never skimped out on spending money on us if we needed it. It really does make me appreciate them.

SparkleFritz

Dad Partied.  It's True.

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That my dad drank in high school and college. Growing up my parents always warned against drinking and talked about avoiding peer pressure to drink. I've never seen them touch a sip of alcohol. My parents always mocked people who drank and got drunk (at home not to anyone's face).

This all resulted in me waiting till I was in college to drink and waiting till I was 21 to let them know that I did when the subject came up,

At my grandpa's funeral one of my dad's high school friends came up and started talking to him. Me and my sisters were listening to them reminisce. Then his friend said "I still remember that night we went out driving with a bottle of Johnny Walker and --" my dad cut him off like super quick.

Me and my sisters were super surprised. None of knew he had ever drank. He kind of sheepishly explained how he used to be and how he didn't think it was right. We thought it was funny that we all assumed he'd never drank, but he probably had gotten wilder than we ever had.

DevinB333

Escape

Two things that were related. My mother always said no and made us feel insignificant because she was afraid that we (her daughters) would leave her for a better life. She always found fault in our friends and anything that would expose us to things she didn't understand. My Dad always said Yes because he knew it all along. In the midst of a deep depression, I stopped telling her my plans and my Dad helped me move across the country to find my happiness.

nottakenusernames

We Hold These Truths To Be Self Evident, That All Dads Are Created Equal

They had no idea what they were doing. Dad ran his own business for 20+ years and I've tried to follow in his foot steps starting my own. I started asking a lot of questions about business and how stuff is done and one day he sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I really don't know how I made it work because 90% of the time I had no clue what I was doing, but when you run a company everyone assumes you're an expert. Convince them you know what you're doing even if you don't. Running a business isn't stressful because of the calls and the work, it's stressful because most of the time you're lost and making things up as you go."

I eventually told my mom about that conversation and she pretty much said the same thing.

All this time I thought I was just sh*tty at being an adult, turns out, everyone is just winging it and hoping for the best. But Dad was never going to tell his kids that, my brother and I thought he was some sort of super hero and as I got older I was real proud that my Dad owned a company. Other peoples Dads worked at companies, but my Dad owned one. Turns out all Dads are equal.

When History Can Clarify It All

They knew what they were doing.

I used to think they were talentless hacks because dad produced records for middle schoolers with rich parents and mom edited destined to be self-published romance novels from bored housewives.

It wasn't until I took an elective on the California gold rush that I learned the real cash was made in exploiting the dreamers.

laterdude

I Bet He'd Wake Up If You Tried Changing The Channel

When I was a kid I used to always get upset at my dad because whenever I tried watching a movie with him, he would always fall asleep. It wasn't until I was older that I realized the reason he fell asleep was because he was so tired from working two jobs to try and give me a better life. Despite this he still attempted his best to do something with me and spend time with me, even if he ended up asleep.

-eDgAR-

How To Deal With Life And Kids At The Same Time

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How much having kids affects your career prospects/choices.

Having had me, that limited the type of work they could do, the likelihood they could take a promotion or a transfer for a better job, etc.

It was one thing I suddenly realised when I was talking to them about work and they both said that they'd been in various work choice/promotion situations where the main decision-making factor was "Can this work and not disrupt the family?"

All that stuff is pretty easy when it's just you or the two of you. But when you have kids, its not about you anymore. It made me really think about what they'd given up for me and what I might have to give up to be a parent too.

LPT: you can't have it all. You can't have the ideal FT career and be a good FT parent. The sooner you realise that to have one you have to compromise on the other, the better.

LadderOne

Image by Karen Warfel from Pixabay

If you're looking for your soulmate, it can be hard to really gauge who is truly “the one", especially if they've had back luck in the past. Trust me, it took many attempts to figure my romantic life out before finding my husband. But when you know, you know--and once you do, everything just beautifully falls into place.

Anyone that has found their soulmate usually can pinpoint the moment they had this realization. Here are a few real-life stories.

DeepDarkSiege asked: How did you know you found the one?

Sometimes it’s truly the usually mundane things that lights up your romantic life. In the words of the musical Company, “it’s the little things you do together that make perfect relationships.”

​The true test of any relationship.

When I found myself enjoying the little things - just because I was doing them with her.

Grocery shopping, running errands, just the mundane stuff that makes up every day.

Puzzled_Penguin46

My husband will wander off in the grocery store and then peek around the corner of an aisle at me and say weird stuff like "hey lady" or "looking good" or just nonsensical screeching. Or he will come up and smack my butt and run off. It's so immature but I always crack a smile.

Potatotay

This is so important!

Peanut Butter Animation GIF by Jif Giphy

I realized that if I happened to be doing or experiencing something fun, I always wanted her around to share it with. That, and we argue well and don't hold grudges.

TheKingofOklahoma

I love the fact that me and my GF resolve arguments like mature adults and we never stay mad at each other.

Base4yoface

​You feel like an old shoe.

Everything feels effortless.

Comprehensive_Log239

This sums it up exactly. So many of my friends and family stay in failing relationships for so long. Everything is fraught with drama and disagreement.

On my 2nd date with my now wife I told her 'You feel like an old shoe.' Comfortable and familiar, easy to get along with, happy to talk with for hours or enjoy hours of silence together. When the fights happen they are brief and uncontentious, and there's no lingering bitterness. Also, she totally understood and accepted the romanticism of being called an Old Shoe.

Antiwittgenstein

Chemistry is one of the most important elements of a relationship (accidental pun there).

​There is always hope.

Initial chemistry. I was doing the on-line dating thing, and had been on a dozen+ dates of varying degrees of awkwardness and disaster. I was fed up with it.

I logged onto the dating site to delete my account and embrace the Billy-no-dates life, when this woman gave me a nudge. I was kind of blunt and said I was done with it all, and didn't want to go through another 2 to 3 weeks of on-line chat only to meet up and have nothing to talk about.

I said if she wanted to meet up and name the place fine. If she found that too forward and a red-flag then also fine. She said she'd also experienced similar problems and also wanted to skip straight to the IRL meet.

I am not that chatty. But we met up at about 2pm at a local pub. We were there until kicking-out at 11pm. It flew. I had a sore throat by the end of it.

A few weeks ago we celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary.

ExxInferis

So sweet.

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The chemistry between us was unreal, my wife said the first time she met me she had the overwhelming urge to hug me. 18 years later we're still awesome together.

She just always says as soon as she first saw me she knew we were meant to be together. We often read each others minds, I can heal her with my hands when she has pain and the sex even after 3 kids and 18 years together is still like being a pair of teenagers.

She's my best friend, my soul mate and my lover. I would love to be a millionaire then I could just spend every minute of every day with her forevermore. I'm blessed.

CleanGeologist6756

Sappy, but sweet.

I can fall asleep when he's cuddled with me. As someone that hasn't had the best relationships, it's the first time I've felt safe enough to just let myself be at rest. The first time I saw him (we were long distance for 6 months), my whole being felt at peace.

Yes it's sappy as heck, but honestly this is the first time feeling this way.

JaxAnGo

That’s how you know.

Meeting my spouse felt like seeing a loved one after they'd been gone on a long trip. I felt the same way when our child was born. No magical Disney moment, just 'oh, there you are. I've missed you and I'm glad you're back.'

Psnugbootybug

Not to mention the bigger gestures that truly blow you away as their partner.

Thrown into the deep end.​

Introduce Season 2 GIF by The Bold Type Giphy

I am extremely lucky, as my father and I are absolutely best buds. He was diagnosed with cancer and it quickly spread throughout his body. He has been slowly declining over time. I know I found the one when my then-boyfriend (now fiancé) came to meet my parents.

Low and behold they were throwing me a surprise party and he got introduced to 30 family members. He was thrown into the deep end! He was kind and respectful to everyone. But what really took the cake was he sat down and talked to my otherwise very gruff, but long-winded dad. He talked to him for 2 hours, about life, love, my dad's experiences and I saw my dad give a few loud long laughs. It was rare those days.

He's remained close with my father as he nears the end and his constant effort to create memories and bring my dad joy speaks so much about who he is as a person.

We are getting married next week and I couldn't have found a more goofy, kind, loving and respectful man.

Lolabunnybutderp

What an amazing person.

I knew she was the one when my best friend who was a father figure went to the hospital and his organs were failing. They gave him 2 days to live and it all happened to fast that I called her and said we'd have to cancel our dinner plans with her mom (I was crying on the phone explaining why) all she said was "which hospital" and I told her the location.

I got there before her and held my dads hand. This diamond of a woman comes in with a chimichanga and large Fanta orange soda, no ice (my favorite) she sits right next to me and feeds me as I am holding my dying friend's hand crying hysterically. While he was loaded up on morphine she made a smart ass crack to me and actually made him chuckle. It was a half chuckles but he heard her! I will marry this woman. Mark my words.

JewishWolf26

A good partner always does this.

Knowing this person passively inspired me to be a better person, try harder in my efforts, and take risks to push myself as well as enjoy my life. I realized they were "the one" when they felt the same way.

Johoku

As for me, I knew my husband was the one when I realized I never got sick of his company. Usually, I get exhausted being around people, and I need a break. I never have with him--he's just such a delight to be around.

And if you haven't found the one and this article is making you sad, don't lose hope. Everyone's timeline is different, and you never know when you will meet your soulmate. Don't lose hope--it'll come when you least expect it

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