I mean, you don't want to mess with me. Why? Because, if you do, your life might never be the same.
Redditors are cruel masters. It seems like each and every single one of them wants to mess with you if they have the potential.
So, u/Platinumizer asked:
Here were some of those answers.
Had a manager a long time ago who wore a really nice hat outdoor (he was a little old fashioned). My co-workers and I found the exact same hat at the local mall and bought two. One was a 1/4 size larger, the other a 1/4 size smaller. Every now and then when he'd leave the hat in his office, for instance a trip to the restroom, we'd switch hats.
The questioning look on his face every time we switched was priceless. The size difference was just enough to mess with him, without making the hat look weird. I don't know if he every figured it out, it went on for a year and was still going on the day I left.
I'll usually listen to whatever someone is saying and then reply with, "well you know what they always say." Then I just stop talking and never acknowledge ever having said that.
The Never Ending Question
Me: "Hi. How are you?"
Them: "I'm well. How are you?"
Me: "I'm doing great. How are you?"
Them: "I'm well.... uh...."
About 50% of the time, I get caught and just look stupid. But the other 60% of the time, I win and they look stupid.
Nihongo wa hanashimasu-ka?
I live in Japan and as a white foreigner people don't think I speak Japanese. I work the same sh*tty job that most fresh off the boat (English speaking) foreigners work in Japan, which is teaching English. I am not allowed to speak Japanese in my school and so I will often hear students and staff talking about me or my classes in the lobby (usually good or neutral chatter). I have recently taken to responding to their Japanese in English (for example: student "teachers class was fun today she was full of energy!". Me "oh wow really? Thank you Hanako!"). They will usually say something like "oh wow, teacher speaks Japanese" (in Japanese) to which I will respond (in English) "what, I don't speak Japanese?"
It's really dumb, but it's a nice form of entertainment during the grind, and I can usually keep the charade up for a few minutes before it gets stale.
Loop De Loop
Where I live, there's this walking path that's about 5 miles. It's alongside a main road. Since I ride my bike a lot, I've had a chance to explore, and I discovered that there are plenty of loops and trails within the perimeter of that walking path. But most people in the area just know about the main path, and don't know about these loops, or how long they are. So they just walk around the circle.
When i'm on my bike, and I see people walking the perimeter, I'll pass them and then do one of the inner "loops" for 5-10 minutes, then I'll go back out on the main road. Then I'll pass the walkers I saw minutes ago. And I'll do it again, and again.
More than once I've heard someone say "how did she get behind us again?" like it's some glitch in the matrix.
What Sport Is That Again?
My dad is a big sports fan. We have a great relationship, but I just don't like sports at all. I live in Seattle now and he lives in a different state. When I go home to visit, I always ask him if the Mariners are winning the game he's watching—regardless of the sport. He falls for it every time, and it pisses him off every time.
"Nice. You're watching the game. Are the Mariners winning?"
"The Mariners ARE. NOT. PLAYING! This is the NBA finals! That's Lebron James!"
"Lebron James plays for the Mariners?!"
14 New Possessions
During highschool I got rather good at planting light objects in peoples pockets. I practiced with pencils back stage, as it was dark, and they hardly weighed anything. I then started using paper clips as they weigh less, but you need to get really close.
Now I carry paperclips and a pencil. Hang the paperclip on the end of the pencil then use that to drop the paper clip in their pocket. Most I have gotten in one person in a day is 14.
Memorizing My Shifts
On Monday and Thursday at 7:30pm wearing the same clothes I'd go into the same 7-11 get the same thing greet the same cashier the same way and always ask him "is there a bathroom I could use". I did that for 3.5 months.
Occasionally if my co-worker is having a bad day I will say to her "at least we only have 3 hours left" so recently when we are down to our last 10-20 minutes I tell her "at least we only have 2 hours left" and she freaks out and looks at the clock. I like to think I'm being helpful but she doesn't always see it that way.
Stalkers, Part One
Many years ago, before digital cameras were a thing, I and a friend were traveling around Europe. We would find a likely tourist family, and follow them around surreptitiously, trying to be in the background of as many photos as possible. We were fairly inconspicuous, but I always hoped that when they got home and develop the photos that they would wonder about those two people who happened to be in every single photo they took!