Life is cyclical. Whatever you do unto others... it will come back to you. The boomerang should be the symbol for life. Karma is no joke. She is a sleek, observant ghost who is ready to pounce on those who are most deserving. Everybody may not believe in karma because sometimes she has a slow process but trust, she will always come for you, and in ways you least expect or in ways biblically poetic. So go forth in life and be your best self if no other reason than sparing your karmic scores.
50. The Seagulls always win...
Was buying some drinks at a circle K one day while visiting someone in Florida and these old tourists cut us in line, all the while complaining and yelling loudly about everything, how expensive everything is, how crowded the beach is, it's too hot, etc. they are also really rude to the cashier and take forever arguing about the price of the hot dogs they were buying or something. They leave and as we walk out we witness a seagull come and snatch the guy's hot dog right out of his hand. His wife then shrieks and proceeds to drop hers out of surprise.
I know it isn't that big of a deal but it was so hilarious watching that happening that I still remember it 5 years later.
49. The Wallet.
Happened while visiting NY. I watched someone bend down to pick up a wallet someone ahead of them had just dropped. All of this was going down in the crosswalk and I was in the passenger seat with my dad driving. Guy A who picked up the wallet began run it to Guy B who was already across the street and while doing so, his wallet fell out of his pocket and on the sidewalk/crosswalk area.
Some dude in the bike lane rode up a little ways ahead, bent down, and picked it up and just started heading off. Just grabbed it and began to ride away like a bunch of cars hadn't just watched him. My dad was about to say something when a cop car adjacent to us swerved in front of cycler and made him give it back. Cycler bumped into the cop car and was trying to go around when he was tackled. I think they might've arrested him but he light changed so we couldn't stick around.
Coolest instant karma I've ever seen.
48. Fast & Furious...Giphy
I was waiting at a red light to cross the main street of my town. My light goes green, so I start driving, at the same time a truck to my right starts going. I hit my brakes to avoid hitting him, and this kid is looking at me like I'm the jerk.
As soon as he's clear, I finish crossing, and I see lights starts flashing. He ran the red while being directly in front of a cop.
47. Slow Down.
My wife was jogging, and a man starts driving slow and cat calling her. Doesn't realize it's a red light and rear-ends a truck, totally destroying his Prius. Cop was stopped at the same red light and saw the whole situation. Cop laughed and asked my wife to fill out a witness statement.
it was a busy street, so when I say "driving slow," I mean he slowed down while passing her, probably hit the lady in the truck doing about 35 in a 50.
46. Watch the speed...
We were driving home late from work one night, (both bartenders, maybe midnight). We live in a small community, and we were at the 1/4 mile section that goes from 55, to 45, to 35, to 25.
A giant lifted truck decided that he wanted to continue going 55, he was up our butt, brights on, so close you couldn't even see his bumper. It was like his lights were in our car.
Pretty much 2 seconds after one of us said, "Where's a cop when you need one?", a deputy passed us going the opposite direction and immediately flipped and pulled him over.
Still gives me the warm fuzzies.
45. Called me what?Giphy
Drunk guy at the bar started yelling at the bartender for cutting him off. Called her B and whore multiple times and then tried to scoot his bar stool back. Instead it caught on the carpet and he fell backwards like a tree falling. It made a very audible thud and of course, everyone stops what they're doing to look. He laid there for a minute, got up and stumbled to the door as everyone continued to stare at him. Definitely never saw him again.
44. I hope it hurt!
A guy kicked a dog and ran full speed into a brick wall as the dog chased him.
Maybe be nice to all creatures.
43. The Rage.
Saw some lady road raging hard at slow traffic going over a dangerous mountain pass. She was trying to run people off the road trying to get around them. I've never seen anything like it, she could've killed someone. Saw her getting forcefully arrested by like 6 cops at the bottom of the mountain on the other side. Face-pinned to hood and screaming.
42. Bad Boys, Bad Boys whatcha goin' do...
Saw a guy yelling at another guy in traffic, the guy that was yelling continued to speed off and got pulled over by a under cover cop car on the side of the road.
Traffic karma is the best.
41. The School Bus.
I was riding the bus to school once. As it is picking up kids some guy passes the bus while the bus's red lights are flashing. A cop literally turns the corner the second after and pulls him over.
40. Check Pease...
Watched an entitled angry man abuse and belittle his server to the point of tears. Then he hitched up his belt and looked pleased with himself as he swaggered off the restaurant deck, tripped on the stairs, and face planted in the sand on the beach. (This was a vacation in Fla.) My wife looked mortified as I laughed right out loud at the guy. He got up, saw everyone staring and at least one person openly laughing, and quickstepped off down the beach.
39. Mall Cop A PleaGiphy
I work at a movie theater. One afternoon I was selling tickets at the box office when an older lady came up and asked me a question about our app (it's a Cinemark app).
I, however, wasn't sure about the answer and told her that. She proceeded to say, very rudely, "isn't is your job to know??? Are you stupid or something?"
Then, she turned around and noticed the mall cop was writing her a ticket for parking in a handicap spot when she did not have a handicap plate or placard. She took off running screaming "wait stop! That's my car!"
I couldn't keep the huge grin off my face for the rest of the day.
If only you could have yelled: "You parked illegally. What are you stupid or something?"
...I should take on a customer service job in my spare time just to get fired.
38. Supersize Karma
One day a few years ago I was grabbing McDonalds near work to eat something last second before my shift. It was one of those two lane microphone deals. I blatantly finish ordering before the other lane before he stomps on the gas to cut me off.
His car breaks down right there, and I get to take my rightful turn in line.
Seriously though so many people don't understand how those drive thrus work. There's almost nothing to gain by cutting in front of someone that finished before you because the staff will have to switch around orders which probably will take as long as you would've waited behind the car you cut anyways.
See, I work for a staffing agency. I'm a recruiter. Pretty small team and this was actually another recruiter on my team that this happened to.
My co-worker was working with this guy who was pretty sharp. He was a programmer. His company was doing layoffs but he was told he wouldn't be affected. My co-worker contacted him, chatted about the situation and he said he would be interested in looking around. We just had a new client give us a position to help on that fit his background. We lined up an interview pretty quickly, he interviewed and got the position! Great. It was even a little salary bump. Straight direct hire, no contract stuff. He goes in, works his first week. All is great, all smiles.
Well, that next Monday shows up and he isn't there. The company calls us asking where he is, so my co-worker calls him. He answers the phone and my co-worker asks "hey, is everything okay? You no call no showed today over at XYZ company." And the guy proceeds to tell us "Yeah, I never actually quit my job. I just took vacation for the week to see if I liked the place. It was okay but I'll just stay here." My co-worker responds "Man, is there anything I can do? This puts us in a tight spot, this is a brand new customer of ours, can I do anything" and the guy tells us "Quite frankly I don't give a sh!t what kind of position it puts you in nor do I care if they are a new customer. I'm staying, don't call me again." And hangs up the phone.
He got laid off the next week.
36. Cheaters Never Prevail
The washers and dryers in my apartment building are run through Bluetooth and an app you download on your phone. I figured out that if I put my phone on airplane mode while simultaneously pressing the start button on the machine, the washer would start but I wouldn't get charged. I was so proud, tried the same thing on the dryer and it worked. Went to get my clothes out of the dryer an hour later and everything was covered in melted Hershey kisses.
35. Transit Angels
I have a happier good karma story that happened to me a few months ago on vacation in San Francisco. Late at night after a potluck and drinks, my friend drove me to a BART metro station near her house and gave me directions to take the train back to my hotel.
I walked in, paid my fare, and went underground only to find out I'd just missed the last train. Fortunately my friend was awesome and gave me bus directions back, but there was another person who'd missed the same train, and he was in a far worse situation than mine. He was drunk, high, carrying massive bags of groceries and alcohol, and was trying to get back to Richmond, the way I came from and super far away. He also had no way to call an Uber.
Feeling bad, I offered to call him an Uber and he could pay me back what he could. He only had $3, but so be it, I wasn't going to turn him down. We chatted awhile until his ride came, he went off on his merry, inebriated way, and I went to catch my bus.
Except when I got on, I realized it was a MUNI bus, the other transit company, and so my BART fare wasn't transferable - I'd have to pay again. I realized I had no dollar bills left in my wallet. I spent it all on that useless fare. Panicking, I reached into my back pocket where I keep small change, well knowing I didn't have enough for the $2.50 fare. And that's when I felt the $3 that guy gave me. It was such a beautiful feeling. I think we were mutual guardian angels that night.
34. Karma's A Two Way Street
I liked going to the local fruit stand near my old job before work. It's a small family owned and run place. A little kid was working the register and accidently gave me back more than I gave them. I give back the money and correct the mistake, insisting it happens and to not worry about it, I'm not telling nobody.
The kid must have told her kin folk about two weeks later and I didn't pay for fruit for the next month until I got another job.
Karma works both ways!
33. You've been DCed!
Guy sped right past me in the K Street tunnel towards Georgetown, cut me off, and then got rung up by a speed camera just seconds later.
He then proceeded to floor it after the first camera caught him and promptly got caught by the trick speed camera not even a half block further just before the light.
I'm not generally a fan of DC's speed cameras, but seeing his brake lights blast red after getting lit up by not just two, but four successive flash bulbs was gratifying. eganist
32. The BK Queue.Giphy
I was waiting in queue at Burger King. While i was looking at the menu board, a bunch of high school kids of some team sport cut my queue, it was like 15 of them and like they grouped up in a round and slowly went in front of me when i wasn't looking. I gave an annoyed look but just waited in line. A cashier open his counter and called for me and i got right in front of all of them even before the lady in charge of that sports team who was waiting on the other counter. EmotionalElevator4
31. Ha Ha to you....
Worked after school care for school age kids. There was this one kid who was pretty obnoxious and got under everyone's skin. One day I see him walk into the room just needling another kid. He ends his provoking with a Nelson from the Simpsons "ha ha," spins around, and face plants on the ground. The kid he was provoking gave him a "ha ha!" back and walked off. Obnoxious kid gets up, dusts himself off, and humbly slinks away and is pretty quiet for the rest of the day. TheMadTherapist
30. You can't handle the snow!
We were driving on a very icy 35mph-limit road, in a 4wd car, after one of the first big snowstorms of the winter. We're doing ~25mph, which is about as fast as we feel we can push it, given the ice sheet over everything since the snow melted to slush and re-froze overnight. We've been driving in snow/ice our whole lives, we know what'll work and what is risky, and conditions are BAD. All other traffic is basically moving at our speed or even slower.
A shiny new lifted red dodge pickup pulls up behind us, tailgating, revving his engine, etc. Basically everything is screaming "big man in his big truck doesn't need to be held up by some car that can't handle the snow!" We hit a straight section and give him an easy chance to pass us. He takes it, and quickly accelerates to~40 (which would be the typical speed for the road in the summer). About 400 feet beyond us, the road takes a moderate curve left. He tries to turn, but it's a solid sheet of ice - the truck just goes straight into a parked car and guardrail, right in-front of a dozen or so witnesses.
We coast past at ~25, making the turn without issue. His front end was pretty smashed up - maybe not totaled, but I'd be amazed if he could drive it to the shop. AngryT-Rex
29. Don't Fidget.
I hit my girlfriend in the forehead with a spinning fidget spinner. She chased me, I jumped on my bed, and my ceiling fan smacked the living hell out of me.
She was on the floor laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I am a firm believer in karma now... or maybe just idiocy on my part. insurance_novice
28. Speed Demon.
Was on a road trip last week. Guy in the left lane was slowly passing a truck so there were about 5 of us stacked up patiently waiting for the logjam to clear. Jerk in a Mercedes breaks ranks into the right lane, speeds ahead, and tries to cut in to save himself 3 car lengths of trouble. All cars band together to not let him in. He almost ran the car behind me off the road and nearly sideswiped him before taking his rightful place in the back.
Well he was pissed after that and was tailgating and in general driving like an JERK. He eventually sped off well over 100 mph. Saw him about 20 minutes later pulled over by a state trooper. Laughed my butt off as I passed Burke2010
27. Be Patient.
Helping my brother move out of his apt after grad school. In parking garage trying to reposition the car to load up the tv or something. Some girl wants to get past us so I start backing up, but she's crowding me, like inches from my bumper. Anyway, she gets past and we load up. As we leave the parking lot, she's in the middle of the street having T-boned someone. Felt bad for the poor person she hit. OneNineRed
26. Try Peace.Giphy
Stated dating a girl a few months back and her ex was being just a huge jerk to her, threatening to fight me if he saw me, trying to start rumors, etc...
Went out for drinks with the girlfriend and, of course, he shows up. Starts to get in my face at the bar and gets kicked out. Rushes the door guy to get back in and is carried out and banned from that bar for life.
Then I had another genius thought... What if I could do this at the bar next door? (It's a smallish town. There are really only two bars worth going to for night life, and they're right next door to each other.)
So, we go next door. He's waiting outside for me but there's the usual "don't do it bro!" Friends around him so I make it next door without having to fight. Of course he comes in, starts his act and actually tries to fight me this time. He gets pulled off by a few people and is also kicked out of that bar for at least a while.
Fight with your brain not your fists. emartinoo
25. Aim for the head!
A girl in school used to tease everyone and just be generally annoying. She was tossing this stress ball around and aimed it at this one kids head. Someone yelled "look out" at him and so he looked up, saw the ball coming at him, and put up his hands in self defense. It bounced off his arms and back at the girl and hit her right in the mouth. It was a soft squishy stress ball so it didn't hurt her, but we all openly laughed at her and her surprised expression so she sat down quietly from embarrassment. She still kept being annoying but she stopped throwing things at people's heads. breentee
24. The Rains will Come....
At a big sports tournament after a game and it's raining a bit - an aggressive driver can't be bothered with people rushing to their cars and almost runs over a kid, yells at people in his way and decides to weave around traffic to get out of the place quicker. There is a saw horse blocking the exit he is not supposed to go out. The rain is getting heavier. Everyone is watching this impatient person as he gets out his car to move the saw horse and bypass the traffic line and pedestrian traffic due to self entitlement. When he gets out to move the saw horse/barrier he closes his car door and locks himself out of the car with the car running. Downpour ensues. Instant Karma. FenwayAnfield
23. Water Drama.
I was waiting to put in at a boat ramp in Florida one day. It was a single ramp, the guy trying to take his boat out out of the water was having a tough time time backing his trailer down. His wife (I assume) and two kids were waiting on the dock.
Some guy waiting to get out of the water starts screaming at him and heckling him. The first guy finally gets his trailer down the ramp, meanwhile, raging jerk had docked his boat and started up the dock towards the poor boating newbie family guy screaming and yelling. Raging jerk punches family guy and knocks him off the dock into the water.
Two burly dudes that nobody was really paying attention to to walk up, literally grab raging jerk as family guy was falling in the water, throw him on the dock and handcuff him, then flashed their FL DNR badges. They were undercover watching the boat ramp.
There was applause and cheering from the folks waiting to put in and take out.
Family guy just wants to get out there and go home, so he declines to press charges. The DNR guys apparently thought "aw hell's no," proceed to tear the guys boat and car apart and ended charging him with a BUI and ever single nitpicky thing they could find wrong his boat. It was a good day. Dr_StrangeloveGA
22. Let me Watch....
When I was a broke college student the high schoolers down the street sideswiped my car so bad my front door wouldn't open all the way and the mirror was gone. Confronted them but couldn't prove it. Couldn't afford to fix it.
The next week they come screeching out of the neighborhood while I'm studying next to the second floor window. They crash headlong into a tree and total their car. I has a comfortable view as all four of them got out and the driver was sobbing his sorry butt shirtless on the pavement till his mom came and cussed him out loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. Jamonica
21. No Pizza for You!
A chick at a pizza place took money out of the tip jar to pay for her extra toppings. She did this after screaming at the poor person working that she couldn't believe it was an extra 50 cents for more cheese. On my way home I saw her getting arrested, not sure for what, but I'm sure she had it coming. blooodghoul
20. Ew. Just Ewww!Giphy
Guy spewed vomit all over the floor in the bathroom at a bar. As I left the bathroom, a big muscly guy in overalls (no undershirt) was coming in. I tried to get his attention and stop him, but he just shouldered me out of the way.
He slipped on said vomit and yelled as he fell. As he put his hand down to lift himself up, he yelled a much louder he realized the vomitus was all over himself. jlamer
19. The Cycle Crash....
My cousin parked her car on the street near my house. My neighbor came out and yelled about how that was her spot. My cousin simply moved her car rather than argue. A few hours later one of the children who live on our street ran into my neighbors car in that exact spot.
Edit: kid was riding a bike. Should have mentioned that. Doug625
I ran my husband's drunk girlfriend out of my house. She goes to the nearest gas station where they call the cops and she gets her second DUI. Mason3637
17. Told you so....
Was a lifeguard and kid (9-10 years old) kept running around on the pool deck. He clearly heard me several times yelling at him to walk, and he ignored me. Next time he ran, he slipped and fell flat on his butt and started crying. The only thing I said was "thats why I told you to walk" and his mom definitely gave me the evil eye. I didn't give a crap though, that's what you get for not following the rules! bttrflyr
16. You Gass....
Spend my last few dollars on a donut instead of using it to tip the person who filled my gas. Dropped my donut as I pulled out the gas station. AggravatingDirt
15. I dare you to sue....Giphy
I worked in a cell phone store years ago, lines were long and some woman's kid was running blast through the store, knocking over things and just being a general hellion.
I asked her to control her child several times, as he could easily get hurt doing what he was doing.
After about the third time she yells "don't you tell me how to raise my chil..." She never finished her sentence because the child ran head-first into a very heavy hanging sign and knocked himself out cold. The kid fell like a bag of potatoes, I mean like a sniper shot to the head kind of thing.
(The kid was alright, the mom threatened to sue us, I reminded her we had video and audio of me asking her to control her child three separate times as well as well as her swearing at me, never heard from her again). Dr_StrangeloveGA
14. Put the Foot Down!
At a concert my mom accidentally stepped on a lady's foot, and she said sorry multiple times, but the lady very drunk wouldn't let it go and started a fight with my mom. Very bad idea, my moms ex MMA. Straight knockout. My mom met that lady again a year ago at a event for her work, and apparently the lady stopped drinking from what happened that night, being told by her friends she wouldn't leave my mom alone even after countless times of apologizing. Maybe it was good karma? Armageddon-King
13. The Good Ole Juju....
Instant Karma isn't always a bad thing...
About 16 years ago. In my tiny Dodge Neon. I was at a red light and I have no reason why but I gave a homeless person all of the change in my ashtray. The light turned green, and I made my left turn and a few seconds later I was hit head on by a full size truck.
When they were loading my car on the tow truck, the driver asked "How's the driver," and I simply said "I'm fine" he was shocked at 1st, and then once he realized I wasn't kidding. He said he'd been towing for 20 years and never seen anyone survive this extreme of an accident... let alone be standing there talking to him while loading up the car.
Pretty sure I lived due to the good juju. socalfear
12. Off to the prom....
My boss gave me a six pack of beer for prom night and working extra hard for him. I didn't really drink and tried to refuse but he insisted. I put it in my car and figured I'd give it to a friend who drinks. Half way into my shift the owner of the restaurant comes in and fires me because he saw the beer, obviously stolen because I was underage, in my backseat. I look at the head chef and he just acts like he's mad too? The owner walks me out to my car and is asking why I would do that, I was a good worker for a year and a half or so.
So I just told him, yeah the head chef gave it to me I have no idea why he didn't just tell you. Owner walks back in and fired the head chef. This guy was a big douche so he went ballistic and the owners saw a side of him that the kitchen staff saw when it got really busy.
The owner's actions really effected me. I think that's the first time someone ever really took a stand for me. Especially over someone who was obviously making him more money. I will always remember that day. Then I went to prom and was just on high all night. StalkySpade
11. Karma Giveth!
I have a positive instant karma. Not sure that counts. But it's a good story
I took my three kids (5f, 5m, 7f) to a local carnival/feast. My wife had some girl brunch thing, didn't come. We parked kinda far so To get to the rides, we had to walk through the concert field where people were staking their spots for the show later. Tarps, etc.
A young mom and her young daughter walked past us quickly, the Mom holding chairs, tarps, etc and basically has her hands completely full. So, i catch up to her, ask her if she needs help and I take a couple of the bags from her.
We followed them to a spot they had, dropped their stuff, chatted for a minute, she thanked me and we walked off. Just as we left, my older daughter, 7, looks up at me and says "that was really nice dad." Very cute.
Right after she said that, a dad walking out of the feast handed/asked if I wanted some ride tickets they weren't going to use. So i took them and thanked him. Instantly, my daughter (same one) says to me "dad! That was karma! The tickets were karma for helping that lady" she was so right! Such a great dad moment. SuperDada
10. 15 drinks in.....Giphy
Last week, my youngest daughter had her last day of preschool. Between my two girls, we've been associated with this school for almost 10 years. My wife and I wanted to do something nice for them so we offered to buy them Starbucks.
As I'm about to enter the Starbucks' parking lot, a guy runs a stop sign, narrowly missing me. He pulls in, I pull in next to him. I hurriedly scramble out of my car to beat him to the line.
It was fun listening to them call my name for all 15 drinks before that guy got his. BigRedRN
9. Keep Walking....
I remember once walking home from school, and this kid from my school rode up to me on his bike and started bullying me, trying to run me over and stuff like that.
Next thing, not looking where he was going the kid runs over a rock, falls off his bike and smashes himself on the concrete. He was laying there crying and asking for help and I just kept walking. I regret nothing. PMMEURINSIDES
8. Never Mock Me!
My boss got Instant Karma for mocking me!
I had a day off work and as I was making breakfast, I accidentally sliced my finger tip with a bread knife. I wrapped it up, and went to Urgent Care. It didn't need stitches but the doctor put a couple steri-strips on it and said not to use it for a day or two and stay off a keyboard.
I went into work the next morning, told my boss that I had to stay off a keyboard for a couple days so I had to do some other kind of customer service that didn't involve typing. She said no problem.
As I walked out of the room I remembered I had to tell her something else and as I was walking back in, I heard her mocking my injury. Just as she finished, she accidentally slammed the door of the one ton safe on her hand. I laughed and said Karma's a b. She said yeah, I kind of deserved that.
She didn't break it but she couldn't use it so she had to call another supervisor to come in for the day so she could get it checked out. When the gauze came off my finger a couple days later and saw the strips holding it together she admitted that it did look kinda bad and she shouldn't have made fun. I accepted and brushed the incident off. thompson1041
7. The Cart lady.
I work in the parking lot as a cart pusher. One lady pushed the cart to the side and got in her car to back up, but the cart (since not in a corral) rolled back behind her car and she backed into it pretty hard. Me and my coworkers laughed our butts off. 864367966422
6. I like your bus!
Dude tearing up the street, ducking off the road onto the shoulder to pass whenever someone wasn't going fast enough for him (which was everyone.) Road was a generous 70km and he was pushing at least 120 at times. Residential area too.
Half a km up the road there was cloud of smoke. Get there and it's them, ute totaled with the engine pancake flat. A bus had been taking a wide turn using both lanes and he obviously was going too fast to register and tried to race up the side as it turned. It has been PUSHED onto the opposite side of the road. Not a small bus... a school bus. HelloFoxie
5. Leaving a Mark...
I was making fun of my sister in law for not being able to open the baby gate, I opened it still making fun of her, went to walk through it and my hip caught it, forcing it closed with me in it. I have a MASSIVE very painful bruise on my hip now. Morrdsith
4. Merry we roll along...
I live right between two cop jurisdictions. At the top of a hill is one and at the bottom is the other. I do NOT mess around on that hill as usually one is at the top and bottom. Headed to work one day and some little BMW starts flashing me and passes. Sure enough, he is pulled over down the road and i go on my merry way. Brailledit
3. We all have pain....
That would be myself. My husband (then boyfriend) was carrying our dog's freshly filled water bowl from the kitchen sink to the feeding mat. The dog ran right into him and the water spilled all over the floor. I laughed my butt off. In the 2 minutes it took him to find the mop, I forgot the water was on the floor and slipped as I walked right through it to get to the dryer. I fell hard on to the granite tile. I had a broken arm, had a mild concussion, and received 8 stitches on the side of my head. Reddit
2. Kick Hard!
When I was a kid I went horse riding at a holiday centre.
These parents insisted their kid go on the biggest horse as apparently the family had "owned horses for years and their kid was the best rider."
Dad of the family walks right behind a horse with a brand new video camera in a camera bag.
Horse kicks the camera, breaking it beyond repair. Amyisnotinsane
1. What I had done!
I got called to help some civilians during an exercise we we're having at my base. I went out and they explained what they needed and asked me to help them. I was able to set them up with several pieces of equipment and taught them how to properly operate it all. After the exercise was over and everyone had gone home I get called by my flight chief saying that I need to show up at the commanders office the next day in my dress uniform. Usually if you have to show up in blues to the commander's office you are getting some high level punishment. So I show up the next day sweat dripping down my head as I try to ponder why I've been called in, as I'm sitting in the waiting area, my flight chief shows up and tells me to get ready to speak to the commander about "what I had done."
I am freaking out as I walk in to see the colonel. Out of the corner of my eye I see the civilian I had worked with earlier in the exercise sitting with a giant smile on his face as I entered the office. Turns out he was great friends with my commander and had greatly appreciated everything I had done to help them. He and the commander both presented me with a coin and when everything was said and done the civilian walked out of the office with me and gave me a $40 gift card to the BX. kirtok1337
Sometimes you only need to experience something once, to know it's a never again situation.
I always say, try everything once.
Well, now that I'm older, a caveat to that is... try it all within reason.
How many things have we all walked away from saying the one time experience will suffice?
In fact, knowing when to say no is one of life's wisest choices.
Redditor Croakied wanted to discuss the times we've all said... "once was enough!" They asked:
"What is one thing that you will NEVER do again?"
Love. Did it. A few times. Moving on.
Stay StillTravel GIF by Grish MajethiyaGiphy
"Jump off a moving train."
"My dad used to jump on a train when he was little to go to school. He broke his nose like twice doing it. He also would not recommend."
"Smoke alcohol. Me and my friends bought something called a 'vaportini' in college where you could pour alcohol into a bulb and after low heat separated the alcohol from the liquid, you could inhale it thru the glass straw you inserted into the bulb. Basically you got drunk directly into your bloodstream/brain and it never hit your stomach."
"If you did too much, your body wouldn’t make you vomit or something, there wouldn’t be a simple self regulation/safety measure. You’d just get alcohol poisoning. Felt very dangerous, the drunk wasn’t a regular drunk feeling. We used it once and were like okay, never again. I’d be surprised if you could still buy it, although it would be incredibly easy to replicate at home."
"Fall in love with a drug addict."
"Good call, don’t do it. The drugs will always come first. Can’t go out unless their 'ok' with how much drugs they have and money left over if any, cant make love unless they have their fix for the night and even still it never feels normal, can’t trust them after the lies to get drugs and the manipulation they put you through, and you can’t change them no matter how much you try and wish they would. It’s heartbreaking."
More me time...
"Give up my life for work. F**k going the extra mile for a place that doesn't value you and pays you crap even though you go the extra mile for them. You have 1 life with only so much precious time to enjoy it and slaving away at some job is not worth it. Do what you can to reduce your workload and find better employment, or hell try to change the working conditions at your current job to improve things for everyone if you can."
"Donate a kidney."
"Well, you could donate the remaining one. You just won’t be around to say anything about it."
This is definitely list I can relate to. No thank you on a lot of this!
I QuitSmoke Smoking GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Smoke cigarettes, it's been two years since I quit."
"Climb mount Kilimanjaro. Toughest thing I've done and it's not worth it. I'm all about tough treks and camping but to put yourself under tough conditions and suspectable to altitude sickness only to get to the top for 10 minutes for a picture. No thank you."
"I agree, it was memorable. Once was enough for my husband and I. Thankfully we stayed at American style hotel run by the US Navy with a hot tub and bar. Alcohol was definitely needed after all that."
I'm living alone!
"Sign a lease with a stranger without hanging out with them a few times beforehand. My past roommate experiences in college were terrible. Roommates either ignored me, hosted parties til 3 AM on weeknights, made the house the hangout and drug-den for them and their buddies. Meet up once and they'll put on an act for you. If you can, try to see how they act drunk or frustrated."
"Try to hang out with their buddies too so you can see the type of people who could be coming into your future place of residence. As soon as I can afford it, I'm living alone! Now, I investigate a potential roommate's social media and hang out at least twice before signing a lease with them."
"Take back a cheater. Know your worth my brothers and sisters."
"Ughhhhh going back and forth on this one. My boyfriend of 5 years has cheated on me. Several times, actually but says he’s really changed and is ready to settle down and wants me to move in with him. I’m on the fence. So they never change???"
SleeptimeTired Good Night GIF by HBO MaxGiphy
"Take a laxative and sleeping pill at the same time."
Once, twice, three times... I'm out. Bye.
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There is an age old question that has been getting more traction surrounding sex for partners the last decade or so.
And that is... "is just one enough?"
Were we really meant to only be with one person forever?
There are so many flavors to taste.
What if your partner wants more cookie dough with your strawberry?
Redditor Pineapple-Status wanted to hear everyone's thoughts on opening the bedroom to others. They asked:
"What would you do if your long term SO suddenly wants to have sex with other people?"
I say I'd be ok with it, but I'm remembering my last relationship and I feel like I'm not a "put my $ where my mouth is type" on this issue.
ByeJimmy Fallon Reaction GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy
"Wish her well and spend the next 2 years getting myself back to a place where I am ready to get hurt again."
It's Time to Roll On...
"Personally I would leave them."
"I think they're the ones leaving you. I don't think the relationship changes at that point; I think it ends. If you have a monogamous relationship, they are telling you they want to end that. They might be suggesting starting a new, non-monogamous relationship, but that is a separate thing. The original relationship is over."
"OP, it's no different than anything else they want: you either agree and stay together, disagree but stay together, disagree and break up, or even agree and break up. What you're talking about is called 'ethical non-monogamy.'" The seminal book to read is called The Ethical Sl*t."
"It basically boils down to be whatever you want, just don't lie about it. The tricky thing is that this is something that was not present before, but is present now. So it's a potential fork in your road. If you're against it, it's up to your SO to decide if sex with other people is more important to them than a life with you."
a different story...
"I think it depends too how intently they're interested. If it's a thing they bring up because they're curious but it's not a dealbreaker for them, I'm fine with that even if I don't want to proceed. A solid relationship involves open communication, and it'd make me happy if my partner trusted us and our bond enough to voice that curiosity with me."
"If it's something their heart's absolutely set on, then it's a different story. Either way, it's kind of strange to me how these posts always assume simply asking your partner how they feel about opening the relationship means they're now wholey invested in the poly lifestyle and they'll resent you or cheat if you say no."
OthersSexy Jessica Alba GIFGiphy
"Happy that we have common interest, sad that it's different 'other people."
Sex is always an issue. Remember when it was just fun?
Mineangry youre mine GIF by Team CocoGiphy
"Leave her. I’m far too possessive and jealous to be able to mentally accept polyamory. If she has a desire to be with other people I’m not going to stand in her way but I’m not going to be there when she gets home either."
"Break up. My parents were poly and it's just not for me. I've been honest with every relationship I've been in that I'm not interested in any type of open relationship. If they want to be with someone else that's fine but we'll be over. My husband is aware of this and on board (and has been for over twenty years!). So if he came to me with this yes I would be heartbroken but I'm not willing to budge on this and it would be the end of our relationship."
"Counseling time! We're married. I'm chronically ill (stage 4 breast cancer) and have no libido. We try to make intimacy work, and obviously in that case it wouldn't be working. So. Time for a pro to sort out the marriage, and possibly a sex therapist for me."
"I’ll put myself hypothetically in this position. My partner and I only want each other. We’ve made this abundantly clear to each other. However, if she came to me with desire to open our bedroom and she wanted to sleep with people outside our marriage."
"I would simply express how I vehemently do not an open bedroom and that it would kill any desire I have to want her, be with her, love her, etc. Our couple dynamic has been working well through our ups and downs. Involving some stranger in the ONE thing I find most sacred with my partner is the best way for me to lose any interest or passion for the relationship."
FarewellLove You Goodbye GIF by truTV’s At Home with Amy SedarisGiphy
"Break it off, because they definitely already have someone in mind and you telling them no won't change the fact that they were only one step away from following through with it."
Well it feels like a lot of people still believe in one partner, happily ever after. Good for y'all. But big props to these couples who have open and honest conversations about their wants and needs.
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Many of us sometimes fantasize about what we would do to our worst enemies, especially in the moments when they're actively making our lives worse.
While most of us would never actually do any of the things that we contemplate instead of screaming at that super annoying person at the office, we do get pretty creative with the ideas.
Redditor take_me_there_ asked:
"What WOULD you wish on your worst enemy?"
This One Would Hurt
"A conscience. Let her realize the horrific things she’s done."
"Seriously. Introspection, self awareness, and empathy are traits that would improve a lot of sh*tty people."
"Oh I wish I had thought of this one. If my enemy had a conscience, wow life would be much different."
No Pearly Whites For You
"I’d like all their teeth to turn really yellow and stay yellow no matter what they do."
"What did I ever do to you?"
"I don't even know you! Give me back my enamel!"
Everything You Own Is Orange NowSnl Cheetos GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"Permanent Cheeto fingers. Just orange cheese dust getting on everything."
"This has to be one of the most evil things I ever heard, yet absolutely hilarious."
"The Midas Touch: Snack Edition"
Ouch, But Forever
"Stubbing and breaking their toe and right as it’s about to be done healing it happens again over and over for the rest of their pitiful time on this hell we call earth."
"More of a Toemetheus imo"
"For them to realize how big of an a-hole they are."
"Same for me. The trouble is mine probably knows what a tremendous a-hole he is, and just doesn't care (it's what defines him, is his outlook more than likely), so, give mine a conscience as well, he undeniably lacks one."
"a crushing moment of self realization is something that can destroy you mentally. I wish that on them."
Bury Them Under A Mountain Of Minor Inconveniences
"Always being hungry two hours after eating no matter how large the meal. Slow internet. Traffic jams no matter the location. Self doubt. Allergies. Favorite shows spoiled."
"Nothing major enough to be life altering but constant, low grade inconveniences that wear on your soul every day."
"Every bite of food they eat/drink they drink being slightly the wrong temperature."
"Coffee? Warm but not hot. Cola? Cool, but not cold. Muffin? Ever so slightly frozen."
"Not enough to ruin their life, but just enough to not quite have full enjoyment of anything.."
They'll Never Be Able To Use Their Computer Again
"Quick scan with McAfee on their computer."
"You f**king monster."
"The constant pop-ups from McAfee is too far."
That's A New Level Of Evil
"Currently dealing with bed bugs, and I can absolutely confirm this is the kind of thing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It is miserable and painful, and I've tried everything to get rid of them at this point."
"I would easily wish this upon my worst enemy, x10."
"Oh hell no, you went there... Hopefully they aren't living in an apartment complex or you've cursed everyone in the building."
Well of course I know him. He’s me.Animated GIFGiphy
"$100,000. I sure could use it."
"'It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy'"
"Lol I thought this was that deep sh*t like 'pray for those you resent to have all the things you want in life….' Then I realized."
Forever Constipatedthe powerpuff girls bubbles GIFGiphy
"That they can never have a satisfying poop. They always feel like they have to go to the bathroom and when they do nothing comes."
- [User Deleted]
"Wow. That's evil. Always feeling the need to pee would be good (as in horrific) too."
We definitely don't recommend implementing any of these plans (not that most would actually be possible), but here's some new ideas for the next time you're stuck in a meeting with your most annoying coworker and need a little fantastical escape.
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I grew up poor, and I remember the little things that made me smile when we just happened to have enough that week.
The little things that a truly rich person would not think twice about.
Ah, the luxury of it.
What spells luxury for you?
Redditor ConAir161057 wanted to compare notes about the things in life that feel like items only money can buy. They asked:
"For people who grew up with little money, what always felt like a luxury?"
New clothes. I had so many hand me downs and thrift store clothes... new seemed like a dream.
AnxietyNervous Anxiety GIF by blackbearGiphy
"After growing up in a home where every unexpected problem was a financial emergency, my idea of wealthy became 'I just want enough money that if something breaks I don't get anxiety about how to deal with it.'"
"Getting to buy something from the scholastic book fair."
"My school, at the end of it a bunch of books were 'donated' and then spread out on a table in the library. We all got to go pick one book. So even if kids didn’t get to purchase a book, in the end they had a chance to still get a book. It’s actually how I got my first Harry Potter book. Was a cool idea for any school staff or parents active in their kids’ schools."
"Getting new clothes at Christmas from relatives. I don't know if that is exactly a luxury or the kind of answer you are looking for, but we never had a lot of money when I was in middle school. I went an entire year wearing the same pants everyday. The funny thing was my parents didn't even buy them for me."
"I got them for Christmas from my Grandparents. All the kids use to give me so much sh*t for wearing the same pants everyday. I always told them that I had 5 of the same pair which made me feel good inside and kind of made them ease off even though I know they didn't believe me."
"I remember I fell on the school bus one day and the jagged floor cut a hole right in the knee cap and the panic that went over me was just insane. It was one of the worst feelings of my whole life because I knew that I didn't have any other pants to wear and that now all of the kids in my school were going to know that I only had 1 pair. Needless to say I could not wait for the last month of school to end."
"Summer camp, or basically any school trips that had to be paid for. At my school the kids who couldn't afford to go on trips that happened during school hours still had to come to the school, we just sat in a room and did extra work like it was detention."
"I was lucky. If you taught at the day camp your kid could go for free. That was just day camp though not sleepaway camp. My mom found a camp teacher who had no kids of his own and he signed me up as his kid so I could get free day camp. Did that all through elementary school."
Big DealsPizza Pizza Pizza Dancing GIF by Domino’s UK and ROIGiphy
"Going out for pizza was a big deal. Those free mini pizzas for reading books were huge."
Food is always an issue when you're broke.
DamageSummer Ac GIF by MashableGiphy
"Being able to turn on the heat in the cold and pay a professional to fix damaged appliances, plumbing, and other issues."
"When my grandma would come pick me up and spoil me. My parents didn't have much money and were addicts so when my grandma would come get me I would come back with new clothes, video games, toys, etc. I used to think my grandma was rich but she actually just had a stable income."
"I was in this position when I was younger. I always thought my grandma had SO much money… but all she did was go to work everyday. Always made sure I had clothes and all my school supplies. I miss her pretty bad."
"I am from a small island in the Pacific. While I mostly still take cold showers, I have always felt that a hot shower is the finest luxury one can experience. I had my first hot shower when I was 22 years old and I can never forget it."
"This is the kind of luxury I think people take for granted, I always avoided showers in the winter as a kid since most of the time they where cold showers and the temperature here was around 12c° during those times."
"Towels. Honestly, I was almost 10 When I realized people didn’t just put back on their dirty clothes after a shower because my family was so large (12 kids total including myself) and extremely poor. I thought towels were just for hotels or were maybe a prop on television. I went to a friends house and she asked for my help folding her towels. I remember laughing and thinking she must be rich."
"Long story short, I wasn’t sure which way to fold the towels, and begged my mom to buy them after I revealed that my friend, Simone, had them. She bought a box of used ones from a local auction and I walked around with them on my head feeling like a frigging empress after that, even though—-let’s be clear… these were second hand towels!"
Or BK...ronald mcdonald yes GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy
"Grew up poor and when I was a kid I used to think you were rich if you had a dishwasher and a millionaire if you had one of those refrigerators that have a button for ice. McDonalds was also a luxury, a couple times a year on our birthdays."
Everyone should have access to all of these things. Why is life unfair?
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