People Share The Best Comebacks They've Ever Heard
Image by Carl S from Pixabay

A couple of years ago, I went to pick up a gallon of milk. It was very early in the morning and the place was swarming with high school students who were loitering before they were due to report for their first class. I remember that one of them cut the line to purchase a Red Bull. It was early and I was tired, so I honestly didn't care much. After purchasing this nasty "drink," the high schooler popped open the can and took a swig. Then he belched, yawned, and said, "What the f*** man, I'm always so tired." To which the store owner rolled his eyes and, without missing a beat, replied, "Go to bed early and stop drinking f****** Red Bull."

Store Owner: 1 High Schooler: 0

After Redditor HeffyArea51 asked the online community, "What's the best comeback you've ever heard?" people shared some of their favorites.


Ouch.

Douchey guy: "It's like they say: nice guys finish last."

My fiance: "How would you know?"

scarrlett

Nice one!

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you back out of it!"

"I'm adopted, Dad, remember? "

And then my Dad turned purple, so I left.

Squigglepig52

We're going to have to steal this one.

"Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory." Always makes me laugh.

TriplePowers

Seriously.

That one is gold.

They get better from here.

Oh, snap.

A friend in high school on our way to a track meet. He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice. When this dbag saw him.

Dbag: "why bothering looking at that when you know you'll never be able to get one?"

My friend: "the same reason you watch porn"

The entire bus erupted and it's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

RedIguanaLeader

Ouch, 2.0.

A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back. In fact, that wasn't the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: "Well you know what they say about you? Nothing, nobody f**king cares."

ItsTime4you2go

Good times, indeed.

On a construction site one afternoon, different trades were working in the same area. Like silly team sports, the sparkies always hang with the sparkies and the turd wranglers always hang with the turd wranglers, and anytime they're together it turns into a pointless dick-measuring contest (usually not literally)!

One particularly childish exchange saw two men chopping back and forth- my unti biggest, blah blah blah. Finally one of em spits out this classic:

"I've got girth like a can of corn!"

And the clap back was unforgettable:

"But you've got length like a can of tuna!"

Everyone busted up. Mister girth tried to hide his embarrassment but was tied-up. No comeback. And a room of men laughing uncontrollably.

Good times...

heathenbeast

Truly excellent.

We love how quick some people are with their comebacks. How they do it?!

Takes years of practice, in fact.

Whoa, granny.

My grandma asked my cousin, who'd had lots of partners and 2 kids at this point, if she was ever going to get married.

Cousin: It's not the same nowadays. We don't buy cars without test driving them first.

Grandma: Yeah. But they don't let you put a hundred thousand miles on them either.

Point goes to Granny.

IDKHow2UseThisApp

"It was during this exchange..."

"Why are you making my job more difficult? I don't go to your job and jump on the bed!"

This lady came in on Christmas Eve, demanded we sell her a trampoline that her kid could open on Christmas morning. There were several problems that occurred during this transaction: She was noticeably intoxicated. We only sold trampolines in the summertime (we had some in back, but their SKU's didn't work until April 1), so we couldn't ring her up. My boss eventually figured out how to sell her one, got it out to the loading dock, and instantly discovered that her 1992 Ford Taurus was definitely not going to take the weight of the boxed up trampoline.

More demands were made, my boss refused to hand deliver her purchase, a refund was offered. More yelling. She was calling the BBB. I was calling the police about the open container in her car that could not carry a half-ton trampoline.

It was during this exchange that my boss decided to deliver something for her, resulting in the classic comeback I'll never forget.

It was a Christmas Eve to remember. Gods bless our retail workers.

Kaladrax182

It got the job done.

I can't remember the best one I've heard, but I can remember the best comeback I ever did. It is also, in fact, the only good comeback I ever did. I was in 7th grade, and we were in the locker room after gym. People were discussing shoe sizes because this one kid had enormous feet. I don't know if I have small feet, but mine were the smallest. They said, "Small feet, you know what that means!" I didn't mind too much, but one kid crossed the line. He said, "Don't worry, fella, there's like 10 different ways to make it bigger." So I said, "Have you tried all 10?"

Not very impressive, but it shut him up.

Disfellagotnoname

We can see why.

It was an exchange between 2 co-workers a few years back, basically a sl*t-shaming gone wrong. Person A had only ever slept with one person, their previous boyfriend that they were still obsessed with. Person B was the opposite and would bang a different person every week.

Person A: "I can't believe how many people you've slept with, I don't understand how people can have sex with someone they aren't in love with"

Person B: "Well your ex-boyfriend seemed to manage it okay"

Person A: silence as he dies inside

TannedCroissant

In case any of you were looking for some comebacks to steal...

...you're in luck.

There's no shortage of sassy people on the internet and certainly no shortage of media to consume for inspiration.

Have some of your own comebacks to share? Feel free to sound off in the comments below!

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

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