Karma is real. Basically, your one job in life is to not be a complete jerk, so when you fail that test, the universe will arrange to get you back. And we'll be watching. And possibly laughing.
u/forevergallifralone asked Reddit:
Here were some of the best cases.
Two of my friends and I were playing monopoly sometime around freshman year of high school. One of my friends owned all the railroads, meaning any player who landed on a railroad would pay him 200.
The entire game felt like I was just moving my token from railroad to railroad, paying my friend each time, having no opportunity to buy properties, and getting super frustrated (in reality it was probably only two or three times).
On my next roll, I quickly calculate which space I was going to land on as I start to move my token, and lo and behold, I was going to land on another f*cking railroad. I gracefully slide (cheat) passed the railroad and plop my piece on the next space, Chance.
Chance card read something as follows: "Move token to nearest railroad. Pay owner twice the amount."
I lost my sh*t.
I love car karma.
One time my dad was driving through a tunnel to get back from work. He was driving slower because it was snowing and extremely icy and, while it looked dry in the tunnel, it's pretty notorious for black ice.
Well this guy behind him is honking and flashing his lights while my dad is going a completely acceptable speed for the weather. The guy gets into the left lane and floors it into the tunnel. He hit a patch of black ice and immediately spun out and totaled his car.
Miraculously, no other cars were damaged, but that guy was lucky he walked away with no injuries.
Your Brain Took Control
I was at a touristy place at the top of a big cliff. People were hanging around at the top, just enjoying the view, and this one guy was eating a sandwich while staring at his phone. After he was done, he couldn't be bothered to find a trash can so he went to throw the sandwich wrappings off the cliff, but he got his hands confused and hurled his phone off the cliff instead.
A few years back, I was traveling on the interstate to meet some friends who attended a different college than I did for a weekend.
On the way there, I'm in the right hand lane, minding my own business, when a car tries to cut me off. No big deal right? Except she ended up clipping my bumper and running me off the road, with her driving speeds of ~80-85mph. Other driver keeps on going along her merry way, while I'm on the shoulder attempting to contact the local police to report an accident.
5 minutes later, a state trooper pulls up behind me and asks what happened. I explain the situation, describe the other vehicle, including a partial license plate number, and he asked if my car was still drivable. After confirming that it was, he said, "just follow me up to this next exit - I got a call about a driver who is out of gas and needs assistance."
We pull up to the next exit just shy of a gas station. Sure enough, it was the girl who was the other party in my hit and run. She tried to deny anything occurred, until the trooper looked at my front bumper damage, and her back end damage, assessed the paint colors matched, etc. Bonus is that her plate had the partial information I had gathered as she sped away.
Turns out, girl has no insurance and no license. Gets hauled off to jail on a hit-and-run, all because she couldn't slow her *ss down and be a decent driver.
Kick And DodgeballGiphy
Was working at a trampoline park which had two different dodge ball areas. One for kids 12 and under, another for 13 and up. Annoying little sh*t of a kid kept trying to sneak into the 13 and up game, running around, breaking rules, and basically being a pain. We couldn't really do much about it.
Eventually I just let him sneak on and not a moment later he got smacked beautifully in the face with a rubber ball. Actually sent him flying back a couple feet.
He wasn't so keen to play after that.
The Faceless Fight
I just walked into a crowded bar with my friend back when we were in our early 20's. Make our way around the entrance handrails and bam this dude smashes his shoulder into mine knocking me back. Thinking it was just an accident caused by a crowded bar I start to recover and this dude throws his shoulder into me again. Before I can even begin to react to the second more aggressive hit, this monstrosity of a bouncer watching the whole things go down, picks the guy up and literally throws him out the exit doors.
It all happened in a matter of 5 seconds. I don't think any other person in that bar, nor my friend, even saw it go down.
Maybe not instant but close enough.
Working as a medic a long time ago and get called for a leg injury at a Friday night soccer game. We get there and determine it's most likely a torn ACL, painful but basically any hospital can handle and it's not really a priority. So we explain to the patient it will pry be faster and a lot cheaper if she just wants to have someone else drive her to the hospital that's literally around the block.
Here comes the white knight into our story. This guy oozed friend zone, explained how he's a medical student going for his doctorate and she needs to go to the local trauma center, which is a good 30 min drive. We explain no, we'll go to the local they can handle it, however the patient pulls the nastiest look at us and says her friend knows more than my partner and I because he's actually studying medicine and we're just ambulance drivers.
My partner and I give each other that look. An ACL tear isn't priority for trauma center, especially on a Friday night. Drunk driving crashes and gun shot wounds are gonna be taking up the ER there. We oblige the the request with documented protest.
The friend rides with us, we make him ride up front. He explains how the surgeon there is his friend and she'll get seen right away. We roll in and sure enough there's about a dozen ambulance crews trying to unload patients in much worse cases than ours.
We get to triage after about 15 mins, and the Rsn tells us to put her in the waiting room, she starts crying bloody murder. Cherry on top she asks her friend to do something, he calls his "buddy" surgeon down. Turns out not his buddy but one of his teachers who proceeds to yell at him about thinking that an ACL tear needs to come to a trauma center.
She could have been in and out the hospital in an hour if she had listened to us.
During my lunch break at work a few years ago, I ran over to this convenience store that sold a few deli items and also had a lunch of the day special. That day it was spaghetti.
I walked into the store and headed to the back to the coolers to grab a drink and I start walking over to the line that was formed to grab a lunch. This older woman, who was talking to a woman not even close to the line, saw me walking and literally strong armed me to get in front of me. She full on shoulder checked me. The cashier saw it, looked at me and I just shook my head as if to not call her out on it.
She gets two orders of spaghetti. They come in a Styrofoam compartment tray. She walked towards the door and someone comes in that she knows so she's saying hi. I pay for my food and I'm out the door.
As, I'm walking to my truck, I hear a loud "OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF". I turn around and this woman is planked on the ground with spaghetti and meat sauce all over her white shirt.
The Cops Came Through
Worked at a convenience store several years ago (check my other posts for a couple of funny stories). This was back before gas pumps were all either card at the pump or prepay. It was about 7am and the morning rush was on. A suspicious fella pulled up to our farthest away pump and positioned his car so that it was not easily visible from the building. This is a dead giveaway for someone who is going to drive off without paying. My manager and I watch this guy as we are ringing up other customers and sure enough, when he filled up, he gets in the car and peels out making a run for the road. He leaves our lot via a small access rd that ends at a traffic intersection. Red light. He stops for the light, then decides he needs to get the hell out of dodge and guns it again through the red light. When he does, he breaks his drive shaft. Car coasts to a stop right in the middle of the intersection.
But wait....theres more...
Guy walks back INTO THE STORE, and asks if he can use our phone because his car breaks down! My manager says "sure, after you pay for the gas you just stole." Guy gets all indignant "I didnt steal no motherf*ckin gas!" getting more and more agitated and confrontational. Just then two police officers walk in. Now these are two lady cops, both in their late 50's early 60's that usually are stationed at the local high schools but always stop in for a coffee and a pastry. These ladies are the nicest people you'd ever meet, always with smiles on their faces. As soon as they turn the corner after entering, they see the guy getting into it with my manager. Their demeanor's changed in an instant, going from kindly grandmother to IM GOING TO KICK YOUR F*CKING TEETH IN in microseconds. They manhandle this guy away from my manager, push him up against the wall, cuff him and stuff him.
You know how you always think to yourself "Why is there never a cop around when you need one?" This time there was.
I was driving on the freeway one day and needed to get over. I checked to make sure it was clear, signaled and changed lanes. I didn't realize there was an escalade coming up behind at over 100 mph in that lane. (He was going so fast that the lane looked clear when I checked 1 second ago.)
The escalade decided to teach me a lesson by acting like it wasn't going to stop and plow into me. There were now cars on both sides of me so I couldn't swerve out of the way. So the escalade screams up until last possible second and then hits the brakes hard so he matches my speed about a foot away from my bumper. While this is happening I'm freaking out and wobbling the car cause I think I'm going to get creamed.
The cop that was one lane over and 2 cars back immediately flipped on his lights and pulled them over. That was quite a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.
The first time I tried online dating was a f*cking disaster. The guy I texted wasn't too bad looking and seemed pretty normal. Until we met in person.
We decided to meet up at a coffee shop and drink some coffee together. That's when I found out that he was the biggest redneck I've ever met. I casually mentioned that I failed at my theoretical exam for my driver's license (my depression was at it's peak during that time, so I could hardly motivate myself to do anything at all, and studying was almost impossible). So apparently this guy thinks if you want a girl to like you, you better make fun of her failing at a test. He went on joking about how women are too dumb to drive. The people from the table next to ours looked at me and I could see from their faces that they felt sorry for me, because his insulting jokes didn't stop and he said them loud enough for everyone to hear.
I had no self-confidence back then so I just mumbled some bullsh*t excuse why I had to go home, got up and left.
Like half an hour later he called me, crying, because he had crashed his car - which he mentioned earlier was his one true love and his only hobby - into a tree. Nothing had happened to him but his car was so demolished that it couldn't be repaired.
Karma For My Ears
I'm from Denmark and I used to ride the bus 50ish minutes everyday to get to and from work. One day two people got on the bus a few stops after me: a rather large woman and a smaller man, both of them greenlanders (which becomes relevant later). I'm not sure what their relationship was - may have been mother and son, may have been a couple or something else.
As mentioned, the woman is rather large so she can't quite fit in the regular seats (which honestly is fair, there's not much legspace in our busses) so instead she sits in the middle portion of the bus where there are a few seats that are usually reserved for people with disabilities.
After a few minutes of driving she for some reason just kind of starts shouting? Not sure why or what and the man with her doesn't really do anything about it. I just turn the volume of my music up a bit and ignore it.
As we get closer to the city and more people enter the bus she starts bothering a lot of the people close to her, even going as far as to shouting at a girl who was exciting the bus (again, not sure exactly what she was shouting). Finally this older lady walks up to her and asks her firmly- but politely - to please keep her voice down. Upon hearing this she just kind of flips out and screams something along the lines of: "IS IT JUST BECAUSE I'M FROM GREENLAND? YOU FUCKING RACIST!" So the older lady just kind of backs off. At this point no one really wants to do anything about the shouting woman in the bus, and the mood is a bit tense in the bus.
A few more minutes pass as people enter and exit the bus, shouting lady still doing her thing, but then a ticket inspector enters the bus. He goes down the aisle between the seats and check the tickets and when he gets to her it turns out that she has no ticket. Her and the man with her are then asked to leave the bus with the ticket inspector and surely had to pay a fine for that.
Of course I have no idea what was going on and why she was shouting, but she was bothering so many people that it was so satisfying to watch her at least having to pay a fine for not purchasing a ticket.
Karma For The BillGiphy
I often bring junk cars to a scrap processing yard and I did one of the workers there a favor and sold him a good running car for very cheap. he didn't have the extra $200 to pay so I told him it was ok and to get it to me another day. Well he went to ask his boss for an advance on his check to pay me sooner than later. (he gets by paycheck to paycheck) well his boss wasn't having it for some reason and instantly went off on him and completely humiliated him in front of everyone when he was only trying to right by me and my business. About 10 minutes later a HUGE tractor trailer misinterpreted the turn on to the scale and took out his bosses car completely tearing through the metal of his car from front to back damaging his doors fenders and mirrors and windows finally ripping his front bumper off completely. The worker I sold the car to right after says "what a shame, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." You could see the blood boiling in his bosses face.
Karma That Would Make Macauley Culkin Proud
In 1988 when I was 8 and my brother was 10, we were flying from Florida to Arizona for the holidays by ourselves. Because we were kids flying solo, we were sat first on the plane. My bro and I are seated in the middle and window seats. A man in his 70's or so comes down the aisle and sits down in the aisle seat in our row. He hems and haws for a moment and starts aggressively pushing the stewardess call button. The stewardess comes over and he proceeds to go into a rant about how he paid good money for his seat and doesn't want to sit next to children. The stewardess asks him if we've bothered him and he says no. She tries to accommodate him by finding him another seat. He flat out refuses to move because again, he paid good money for this seat! The stewardess says "no problem, sir". It's a packed plane (holidays) so she says "Guess what kids! You're moving to first class!" The old guy starts saying "well, I'll move to first class, that's not a problem." The stewardess promptly says "no no no sir, you paid good money for this seat. You can stay right here." We moved to first class and it was tubular.
Sometimes Karma IS My Parent
That'd have to be me witnessing it with my Dad - he's wiring in a fridge and it doesn't have a fuse, so he puts a fuse in which might be too low in amps, he isn't sure what it was supposed to have in it, a fuse which predictably, blows and trips the breaker.
So, he grabs a piece of wire and uses that. Keep in mind that at this particular time I just passed an electronics and computing course, so I say to him "If that wasn't because the ampage was too low on the fuse and instead the fuse was right but something in the fridge is broken, instead of blowing a fuse it'll blow up the fridge instead because that wire won't melt like a fuse would".
Nah, he says, following by those iconic words "I know what I'm doing". I argue with him - pointing out there's a reasonable chance this thing will just blow if you turn it on, check what fuse it was supposed to have and get one of those.
He's adamant, this'll be fine he says, "I know what I'm doing".
The circuit breaker isn't too far away from the kitchen, I can see in through the door which the fridge is by if I look down the hallway.
Switch it all back on he says.
I saw the puff of smoke and flash of light from where I was stood, along with the sizeable "bang" that came from the bottom of the fridge.
Karma In A Court Of Law
This still makes me smile (something I've posted before, maybe from an old account).
When I was in university I took the bus to and from school every day (~1hr each way). The bus terminal for our suburb was at the end of my street through a path and on top of a big big hill down which you had to drive with all the other traffic to get into the city.
Get on the bus, the bus rolls up to the red light to wait for the green to pull out onto the main road.
Light turns green, bus starts to pull out. Suddenly the driver slams on the brakes, everyone lurches forward hard, and the driver lays on the horn.
As I look up I see this big ass silver Cadillac blasting through the red light. What's worse, the woman driving was this dyed-blonde-hair prissy 60s woman in a red power suit who simply flips the bus driver off without even looking and barrels down the hill.
The bus driver curses her out loud and we carry on.
Now, at the bottom of this hill the police often set up speed traps because they can catch people coming out of a curve on the road on the hill, people tend to go way over the limit in morning rush hour.
Guess who got caught?
The bus driver pulls the bus over by the speed trap and beckons a police officer who comes into the entry part of the bus. The bus driver says, "It still illegal to run red lights in this province?"
To which the cop replies, "Sure is. Did she?"
Bus driver, "Ohhh yeah."
The cop hands her his card and says, "Well here's my card, get in touch and if you're willing to come into court and testify we can tack that on as well."
And the bus driver says, "Honey. I get paid to go to court - I'll see you there."
And no joke, the whole bus erupted in applause.
We could have driven over an IED on the way to school that day and I still would have called it a good day.
There are few conspiracy theories that annoy me lately as much as the QAnon conspiracy theory. Other than it posing a grave threat to our democracy, I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would take any of it as gospel. It's also remarkably easy to debunk––I'm still waiting for "the Storm" amid the ever-changing goalposts, by the way.
Turns out there are quite a few other conspiracies out there annoy the hell out of people, as we discovered once Redditor Sonic-the-edge-dog asked the online community,
"What's a conspiracy theory that annoys you due to how easily disprovable it is?"
"Some dude I know..."
"Some dude I know swears nuclear weapons and related tech is all a lie. The Manhattan Project was just for show. We never nuked Hiroshima or Nagasaki (or any other test site afterward). Those cities were conventionally bombed and we made up the story afterward. I can't even begin to address the number of people required to keep that secret is...unbelievable. not to mention that okay the weapons are fake but then how are we generating power from all of those power plants? That's all fake too?"
"My friend really, truly believes..."
"My friend really, truly believes that space is not real, that we are just living under a giant screen and Earth is an enclosed experiment being run by someone."
Sounds like The Truman Show, if you ask me. Did you know that there's a type of delusion named after the film? The more you know.
"It has been known to be a sphere..."
"Flat earth. It has been known to be a sphere for thousands of years. Newton calculated that it is wider at the equator without leaving his house.
Why would the Earth be flat if other celestial bodies are not? What do they think NASA or whoever has to gain from lying to us?"
Remember: The Flat Earth movement has followers all around the globe.
"Being annoyed by that..."
"The Holocaust being fake. Being annoyed by that is putting it lightly."
That 5G caused the coronavirus.
I thought 5G was supposed to turn everyone gay? Are we past that now?
"Everybody who barely looks into this..."
"Vaccines cause autism.
Andrew Wakefield published fraudulent data. His medical license has been revoked. Everybody who barely looks into this can find that he's a liar who told a lie that ruined his professional life."
Andrew Wakefield trolled us all and to think that there are people out there still quoting his "work" is a big reason why there are so many out there who are dying from completely preventable diseases.
"Why would Bill Gates..."
"That vaccines are for putting nanotech chips into people for easier tracking...
Why would Bill Gates need to mass-produce some of the most advanced tech in the world to track you when he can already do that through your phone?"
"Someone making this argument..."
""Jet fuel can't melt steel beams." Someone making this argument literally supplied me with the article on eutectic combinations that explained how it worked, but the person supplying the article never read past the first paragraph and thought it meant the opposite of what it was saying."
People never seem to read past the headline––it's so aggravating.
"You know you could have just simplified..."
"That Jewish space lasers are responsible for California wildfires.
You know you could have just simplified the conspiracy to "Jews lit American forests on fire."
Oh, yeah, and this person is in the Congress of the United States."
Yeah... she's really something, isn't she?
"We brought back..."
"What gets me are people who say THE moon landing was faked. We went back FIVE MORE TIMES. It wasn't just the one time. We brought back a bunch of s*** and left a bunch of s*** up there. If it was fake do you think all of the dudes that went up there and that the thousands of people who worked on the project would have been able to keep silent about it?!"
These conspiracy theories must be profitable. But remember when they were seemingly harmless? Didn't people believe Avril Lavigne had a clone or something at some point? Those were the days.
Have some conspiracy theories that annoy you? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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The gift of hearing is an awesome thing. So many of us have the luxury to take it for granted.
How many 'first' sounds do we hear regularly that barely register for memory?
For those of us who are given sound after never having it or losing it and regaining it, have an appreciation most of us will never understand.
They embrace sound with such thankfulness and clarity. They can also tell you when hearing disappoints.
After all they have a build up of imagination in mind.
Redditor u/XxXNoobMaster69XxXx was hoping the formerly hearing impaired would sound off a bit by asking:
Ex-deaf people of reddit, what was the most underwhelming sound, respective to your expectations?
I'm used to being disappointed about a lot in life. I've given up on looking forward to much. This way anticipation doesn't trip me up. But I've never been let down by sound. Music can be underwhelming sure, but that's usually due to the lack of creativity. So this should be fascinating.
Too Loud!All That Nicksplat GIF by NickRewindGiphy
"I was home alone after having my cochlear implant turned on for the first time and I nearly peed my pants when the refrigerator started making ice. Also discovered that my cat purrs very loudly."
"Some dude in an old thread surprised clouds colliding didn't make noise."
"DUDE THAT WOULD BE SO DOPE just like HUUUUGE distant, near peaceful thuds of clouds hitting each other, like a low rumbling in the ground you can feel with the same bassy noise of a far off explosion. God, I've been hearing everything all my life and now I'm sad clouds don't make noise. It would help people realize how large and heavy clouds are, too."
Sounds along the way...
"I've worn HA all my life though until around 2010 they had always been analog so not very good at picking up little sounds. I was being fitted for my first pair of digital HA and kept hearing this odd noise even asking my audiologist what's that noise? Turned out it was me moving my feet on the carpet. I'd never heard that shifting around sound before."
"Got newer and even better ones a couple of weeks ago and holy cow I now hear all sorts of noises I've never heard. Technology can be a wonderful thing."
"Also, remembered another sound - the bubbles popping in a soda/coke. Never had heard those little fizz/pops before."
"When my uncle got cochlear implants, he spent the whole next day wondering what this constant, obnoxious, 'ugly' noise was. After hours of searching, found out it was the clock ticking. He questioned why the hell it needs to make noise. I suppose without having it tuned out, it would be pretty annoying."
"On a happier note, when he first got them in, he cried with happiness when he realized his brother sounded different than the nurse."
Several ItemsListen GIF by The Maury ShowGiphy
"My friend was deaf and he said the most underwhelming things were opening something carbonated, and a dog bark and the most surprising things was lights not making noise and for some reason trees not making noise?"
Sirens can try anybody's last nerve. I know they are necessary but Lord can they be brutal. I think I would be more surprised if sounds didn't match. I'm genuinely surprised when people's voices are higher or lower than what I thought they'd be. Let's hear some more.
The Sizzleshaking still life GIF by jjjjjohnGiphy
"My sister refused to get hearing aids for the longest time. She finally got some and she said the first thing she noticed was like a weird popping sizzling sound. It was the carbonation in her soda."
"When I got my hearing aids, I remember sitting in my room and think it was pouring down outside. Went to have a look, dry af. Turns out it was the sound of my clothes moving against each other. So overwhelming. Now, the silence is more anxiety inducing, because I know that there's so many things around me that are happening and I don't know about them."
'oh, I wanted you to sound better'
"I have a friend who was born deaf and had cochlear implants put in when he was a baby. I don't fully understand it all, but I do know he couldn't hear pitch, even with the implants. To him girl and boy voices all sounded roughly the same and he couldn't listen to music because it all sounded the same."
"A few years back he got his implants upgraded or replaced, like I said I don't really understand it. Anyway, he was suddenly able to hear pitch. He said the single scariest thing was emergency vehicle sirens."
"He'd never heard the proper noise before, so assumed it was just a kind of monotonous whine they made. He was absolutely terrified when an ambulance turned on its siren next to us. Suddenly he could hear the wailing all these emergency vehicles made. He said he found the wails to be very eerie at night."
"Also, when he first heard my proper voice he said 'oh, I wanted you to sound better'. Ouch."
Where to Begin?
"I got a BAHA (bone adhered hearing aid) implant this February. I'm 29F, moderately hearing-impaired for the past 15 years."
"I'm still surprised by:
- clothing rustling
- my own footsteps
- my stomach making quiet gurgling sounds
- the sound when I scratch an itch
- squirrels running across the roof 😊
- picking out individual instruments in a song"
"I hate that I now hear:
- chewing and eating sounds
- farts (I used to only hear the loud ones!)
- peeing is SO LOUD
- background TV noises in businesses — used to just be white noise for me, now that I can parse speech it's super distracting
- random neighborhood sounds, e.g. children yelling, dogs barking, weed whackers, etc.
...and the sound quality of music is kinda meh via my implant. Still 50000x worth it."
At 31...halloween monster GIFGiphy
"I got hearing aids at 31. The sound of the refrigerator surprised me. I'm an engineer by trade and was trying to figure out why it made such a terrible noise thinking it must be broken."
In the end, it's a great thing that everyone on this list can finally hear. Not that there is anything wrong with people who can't. I'm going to try and be more cognizant and grateful.
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Schools are like their own little universes. A whole mini-society, complete with its own specific rules and customs, some of which make absolutely no sense whatsoever. You can't help but wonder what the faculty was thinking in some of these cases, or why no one stopped to think about why they were so weird.
While schools are a place of learning, they can also be places of absolute stupidity.
What's the dumbest rule your school ever enforced?
It really makes you stop and think, what event led to these weird rules being put into place?
"My school had 3 staircases along a very long corridor. We were banned from using the middle staircase because it got overcrowded. The ban was lifted once they realised it only made the other two staircases just as crowded."
"This road has too much traffic. We should close it."
How did they get to be principal?late school GIFGiphy
"The new Principal made a "morning round-up" rule where anyone arriving to class after the last bell had to go to the cafeteria and listen to a lecture about not being late for class. This took about an extra 15 minutes, making the students even more late to class than they would have otherwise been. Needless to say, everyone hated it, even the teachers. That principal didn't last long..."
"Lmao this sounds similar to a rule at my high school. If you weren't in your 1st period class before O Canada played, you had to head to the cafeteria, miss class (yup cuz THAT's smart) and "sit in silence". The first day it went into practice, I walked in just as the principal was telling everyone over the PA to stand up for the national anthem, so technically O Canada hadn't started yet. Regardless, my teacher said I was late and I had to head to the cafeteria AFTER the national anthem had finished playing (Again, I'm already in the class so what was the f*cking point?)."
"The cafe was FULL with other stragglers and the teachers on duty couldn't have given less of a sh!t. I sat with some friends who were also late and spent the entire time playing cards. The next day the rule was cancelled. Go figure."
No drinking water allowed.
"I was sent to the principal in elementary school for getting a drink of water out of line (as in we walked down the hall in a formation and we had designated water drinking stops). To this day I still remember the principal asking angrily well what if every one started getting water without permission? And I still don't have an answer."
Doesn’t the dean have better things to do?
"Toilet paper rationing. This was in 1997/98, btw. Apparently the high school girls room was going through too much toilet paper so the dean, a woman, stood outside the door and distributed a few squares of 1-ply institutional toilet paper to us as we went in. If she noticed toilet paper on the floor, our ration got cut down. If we asked for more for...bigger jobs...we were told to save it for home."
"There were several episodes of girls stuck in stalls until friends could beg for more TP because of period messes or unexpected bowel incidents. The dean wouldn't even hand it over--she would go in the bathroom and pass it a few squares at a time over the door. If you didn't catch it as it fell and it landed on the floor, well, that's your fault and you're not getting more. If you used more than she thought necessary, tough luck, go to class with blood/sh!t on your body."
"It took about a week of extremely angry parents coming to the school and calling both the school and the school board, but we finally got our toilet paper back, unlimited."
"How did we celebrate?"
"By TPing her car, of course."
It’s incredible how far some schools go to enforce the zero tolerance rule. It’s like they don’t fully understand what it means to be bullied.
A bit of the ol’ ultraviolence.stop it science fiction GIF by FilmStruckGiphy
"After 9/11, my school instituted a zero-tolerance policy on bullying and violence. What 9/11 had to do with bullying, I don't know. Anyways, Halloween 2001, I dressed up as the guy from Clockwork Orange. He carries a cane around."
"The principal pulled me aside, told me walking around with a cane could be a weapon, therefore just walking with it is an act of violence, and suspended me for a couple of days, telling me that after 9/11, "we don't mess around with that kind of stuff"."
Neither of these rules make and sense.
"That if you say/do anything back to your bully it becomes a mutual conflict and isn't bullying, so if they start calling you slurs and making you feel bad every day and you call them stupid once or twice the school probably won't help."
"Also dress code required school branded hoodies... they were 50 dollars. If you wore a non school hoodie you got in school suspension."
What kind of gang would that be?
"No beads. Apparently, they thought beaded jewelry was gang-related?"
"Nothing says hardened criminal like matching bead bracelets that say "BFFs <3" ."
And of course, we can’t forget the truly bizarre rules that were put into place by clueless adults.
This is just sad.Bored Fun GIFGiphy
"My school was in a poor area of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Not a lot of schools here have money for anything. Because of a huge donation of books at the time I was in school, my school got an absurd number of books, including expensive ones."
"There were a few dumb rules, but the dumbest of them all?"
"We basically couldn't touch the books in the library without permission. It might sound reasonable at first, but check this out."
"The library was huge, and there were lots of books, including contemporary classics, non-fiction like The Last Problem, English Literature like Infinite Jest, How to kill a Mockingbird and whatnot. Dude, there was so much there, that place was probably the most valuable place in the entire school."
"I mean, it was awesome, there were enough books there for each student to lend about 100 every day."
"Here's the problem, the library went all but untouched for the entirety of my time there. Why? The amount of work it took to read one of those books was ridiculous and pretty much made sure not a single student bothered to try."
"First, you couldn't take any of the books home, period. Forget the fact that they had your address and all your parents info, so in the case that someone took it and didn't return it, they could just get it back - it had happened before at least once before the rule was made."
"Second, you couldn't leave the library with them, no matter what."
"Third, if you wanted to read the book, you'd have to do it in the library at the lunch break, which was about 45 minutes, so unless you weren't hungry ever, you had only a few minutes to go to the library. It was only open for a few hours around the break and not at all at any other time, so unless you stayed there for hours until the break for the afternoon classes, you just wouldn't have another chance. (Those hours around the break could be used for you to be tutored by a teacher, which almost never happened)"
"Fourth, once you went through all of that, you could only read the book under the observation of the people that volunteered to work in the library for credit, which was never more than two or three people, sometimes no one. Which means that if you got there and there were already three people there, forget it. Unless you were willing to read it standing up close to where the book was kept and even then they'd check on you every minute or so."
"Fifth, you couldn't get inside the library with a backpack, with food, in groups, speaking, without the appropriate uniform - you couldn't get in with the gym one, for instance -, with other books, earrings, necklaces or anything that could make noise while you were walking. Some were reasonable, but the issue was that one simple mistake and you would get banned."
"Sixth, any banishment from it was permanent. I complained about it once in the second year and was never allowed inside ever again. I even tried to get some teachers to help me, but it didn't work."
"Seventh, and probably the dumbest, only the students that had a certain amount of high grades could get any book at all. If you got something like 4/10 on your last biology exam, you couldn't even get inside the library. The standard was so insane, only six other students and I in my classroom had enough good grades to get books."
"In all my time there, the library was basically deserted for the majority of it. I tried to go there many times, but it was too much work. Out of all the books I only managed to read two Brazilian ones "A guerra do lanche" (The lunch war) and "Blecaute" (Blackout) which I remembered to this day in details. There were times where I legit thought about straight up ditching class to read some of them."
"I tried to get more, like The Last Problem, Kafka's Metamorphosis, Ulysses - which I know I wouldn't have been able to do it, but I was just curious -, A brief history of time, Withering Heights, etc."
"But the amount of work it took was so much that it was just almost impossible to be able to read more than one or two books a year, and even that took dedication, because I basically had to sacrifice part of my lunch time."
"The rumor was that the principals* - we had more than one - basically saw us as "savages" who would destroy the books if we were allowed to touch them and even though they had no reason to believe so - the library worked well without those restrictions a year before I had gotten there, with only minimal incidents and even those didn't result in the books getting destroyed."
The principal did WHAT?
"We were not allowed to have facial hair at all."
"Like to the point where the principal would walk around during lunch with razors and shaving cream and do "Stubble checks"."
"Absolutely ridiculous and he would send tons of us to the bathrooms to shave during lunch, no matter how small the stubble was."
"It wasn't really the rule that was dumb but the reason for it. In my last year of high school, the school issued a rule that all students had to wear student IDs. If you didn't, you had to immediately go and pay for another ID. While you can see how many students may have saw this a way to skip class, the reason for this was the school shootings that happened the previous year."
"The reasoning was that it would be easier to spot who is a student and who is not a student to then see who has malicious intent.....except that most shooters were students....so..."
It's safe to say that every single one of these rules were entirely unnecessary. Like, worse than the "two finger" rule when it came to wearing tank tops (to prevent girls from, god forbid, wearing spaghetti straps). These rules are completely absurd, and it makes you wonder how the adults in charge got their jobs in the first place.
To all the kids stuck in schools like this- stick it out, because I promise that the real world is nothing like this.
People lie. The tagline of the popular TV series House, MD, was "everybody lies." That includes my parents and yours, folks.
Sometimes parents lie to their children to protect them. Sometimes they lie because it's easier than telling the truth. But unfortunately, not all parents are good people. Some lie to manipulate their children, or hold control over them. And that story is way more common than any of us would like to think.
"What is the most ridiculous/f**ked up lie your parents told you?"
People had plenty of stories to go around.
I Hate You, You Hate Me
"My dad got fed up of watching Barney the dinosaur when I was a kid, and one day when I asked to watch it, he said:"
"'Because Barney died'"
"I never did watch Barney again."-b14nn
"Not too f**ked up, but ridiculous. When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain."
"A few nights later I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain."-DragonStangFlyer122
The Waltzing (Away) Matilda
"My Dad told I had an older sister named Matilda, but she kept screaming in the car so he dropped her off at the side of the road and left her there."
"It didn't stop me screaming in the car until one day he actually stopped the car and told me to get out. He only drove 10m away but I never screamed in the car again."-AnoniemGebruiker
Some are to control our behavior as kids, but some persist into our adult lives.
A Little Respite
"Around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go 'to infinity and beyond' to jump over other cars."
"He'd have us close our eyes and press the button and he'd speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. as a kid i was d u m b f o u n d e d and thought he was magic."
"It's actually a nice memory compared to the other ones on here lol."-nopenonotatall
Rooster Farts Needed
"We used to have a farm when I was a kid. My uncle gave me few hens he had and I told my dad that I want them to have baby chicks and sell them."
"He told me we need to buy you a rooster for your hens. I said why? They lay eggs and they don't need to have a male around. He told me the eggs won't be fertile and will never hatch."
-"'But what can a rooster do to make it hatch?'"
-"'He picks the back of their necks.'"
-"'Well I can do that with a needle every day!'"
-"'And then he farts in their butts..'"
"The worst part I remember is me running to my mom after we went home to tell her about my recent discovery……."-Rio1231233
Manipulation For One
"Gaslighting. About obviously wrong or easily disputable things."
"Like, I hated the babysitter I had from age 3 to 4. She was a b*tch who favored boys and didn't much like me either."
"I was an easygoing kid, but I hated her. My mother insisted all the way through college that I loved this woman. We'd go back to visit my hometown, and she'd force me to skip seeing my friends to visit this lady."
"At 16, these visits would go something like 'Hi.' 'Oh, it's you.' And then she'd ignore me and talk to my mother while I stared at a wall and nodded politely until we could leave."
"My mother doubled down on this every time I disagreed until one visit back to the church we used to attend (social center of small towns), this lady saw my mother coming and began the conversation with 'wasn't it funny how much your daughter and I always hated each other? I only watch little boys these days. Can't stand girls.'"
"My mom briefly attempted to convince both of us that we shared fond memories, but... By that point we were approaching 20 years of mutual dislike. It was a bit absurd."-TragedyPornFamilyVid
People Should Not Be Allowed To Be Parents
"My mom would drive us to random huge nondescript buildings, screaming the whole time claiming that it was the orphanage & that she was getting rid of us."
"Sometimes she would get out & physically pull our arms trying to rip us out of the car."
"If she was near the police station she would try it there too, telling us we were horrible kids & that the cops would understand and take us away from her."
"Which was super bold to me! it's a shame she never got caught in the act abusing her kids."-miserable-now
Lying can be a form of abuse.
Whale Toe Soup
"When I was younger i learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them."
"My dad made me some soup with mushrooms in it and i threw a fit about eating it, so he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes."
"Apparently i was old enough to know that mushrooms were a fungus but not old enough to know that whales didnt have feet. >_<"-SelfBoundBeauty
Reversing The Lie
"It's not that f**ked up but it's kind of a revenge story. When I was very young my parents told me I couldn't get carbonated soft drinks cause they said it was bad for me and I could die. Mind you I was an hyperactive kid at the time."
"At one point I got a genius idea, I lived with my mother and my father would pick me up every weekends."
"My plan was Friday evening when my father would pick me up I would tell him 'mom gave me coca-cola cause she said it's okay you're going to your father's anyway.'"
"And at this moment my father accepted the fake challenge I have given him. The next Sunday evening my father gave me like a 1L of 7up just before dropping me off."
"So I was pretty excited, my mother asked me like what's up with you ? And I told her pretty much the same thing 'dad gave me 7up cause he said it's okay you're going to your mother afterward anyway' and then my mom took on the challenge too."
"They never spoke about it out loud it was kind of a war and I was the instruments. What they didn't know was that I was the evil mind behind it all. So all in all, I got my revenge, I got carbonated soft drinks and they never learned the truth until I told them years later."-lrdrchin
An Unforgivable Act
"I came home and my dog was missing. I searched for her for weeks. I was 10 so I couldn't really go anywhere to see if she'd been turned in. I called vets offices and stuff though."
"In my 20's I found out my mom took her to the humane society and dropped her off. I hope she found a new family that loved her the way she deserved to be loved. I hope that she didn't wait for us to come get her every day, crying for me."
"My mom has a dog now that she adores and the thought has crossed my mind to take her and drop her off at the local humane society and let my mom know how it f**king feels but I could never do that to another person."-SendRamenNoodz
Parents can be horrible people, too. And some of the parents in these stories no doubt deserve the "worst parent" award, swiftly and quickly rewarded to them upside the head.
But some of these lies are innocuous. Not all lies are bad things, and when they end up being kind of cute ones for your kids to make them happier, those are the best kind. But keep in mind that not being honest comes with a price. You may cause your child to resent you forever.