People Share Telltale Signs A Couple Shouldn't Stay Together[rebelmouse-image 18356255 is_animated_gif=
There really is no set definition but one can usually tell if their relationship is poisoning their system. And if they pretend not to....others can usually tell too.
u/Visible_variety wanted to identify how to spot toxic relationships:
What are the telltale signs a couple shouldn't be together?
Here were some of the answers.
Nothing Nice[rebelmouse-image 18349291 is_animated_gif=
When Everytime you meet him or her, he/she's complaining about their SO.
Seriously, I've seen people have kids together but never have anything good to say about each other when the other person is not around.
Convenience[rebelmouse-image 18346755 is_animated_gif=
They only stick together out of fear of being alone.
Sooner be alone and happy than with someone and miserable
The Apocalypse[rebelmouse-image 18356256 is_animated_gif=
There is actually research by John Gottman in this area. He calls them the four horseman.
The traits are contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness. His research has shown that within just a few minutes of watching a couple, he can determine if their relationship is likely to end in divorce based on if any of these are present.
The good news is, they all have antidotes!
The Constants[rebelmouse-image 18356257 is_animated_gif=
CONSTANT fighting. A little arguing back and forth is normal, but when you can hear these idiots screaming their heads off at each other every single goddamn day of their lives, they need to just quit it.
Like-de-like[rebelmouse-image 18356258 is_animated_gif=
The only one for me is: when they don't like each other.
Literally everything else I've seen couples successfully bypass - extreme differences in personalities, in interests, in politics, in sex drives, in religions, all fine - as long as they like each other and want to be around each other.
If you're dreading going home at the end of the day because your spouse is there, that's the only time I think "Why are you even together, then?"
Two Priorities[rebelmouse-image 18356260 is_animated_gif=
The only two things they do together is fight and f-ck
One Sided[rebelmouse-image 18346812 is_animated_gif=
I saw one just the other day at a restaurant. He would be talking, and she would be listening and responding. When she was talking, he would pick up his phone and stare at it the whole time.
That relationship isn't going to last.
Anxiety Loves Company[rebelmouse-image 18356261 is_animated_gif=
If you're not comfortable with your SO. I think being comfortable around them is very important. This comes from someone with a lot of anxiety.
Communication Pls?[rebelmouse-image 18348547 is_animated_gif=
Vague, passive aggressive posts on social media that can only be directed at each other.
Venting without using their names.
It's fine to be frustrated with each other but if yall cant be direct with each other it's time to re-evaluate your relationship.
What?![rebelmouse-image 18350578 is_animated_gif=
When their relationship doesn't seem as fulfilling without drug use.
No Smiles[rebelmouse-image 18345572 is_animated_gif=
When they can't make each other laugh
A Measured Human[rebelmouse-image 18348545 is_animated_gif=
When their whole personality and behavior changes when their SO is around.
It means that they can't be themselves while being together and results in an unbalanced couple where one (or both) end up unhappy in the long run. It gets tiresome to act like someone you're not.
Lowest Common Denominator[rebelmouse-image 18348562 is_animated_gif=
When every last one of their friends and family thinks so
My best friend married a horrible person. His brother agrees. All his mutual friends agree. My biggest regret is saying nothing at his wedding. But I know him and he'd have just disregarded it and thrown me out
Meta[rebelmouse-image 18348548 is_animated_gif=
When you ask Reddit for the telltale signs if you should be together.
Well Duh[rebelmouse-image 18356263 is_animated_gif=
Marks of violence for starters.
What's On The Inside[rebelmouse-image 18356264 is_animated_gif=
When they don't share core values. It's fine to like different food, entertainment and activities, but if you don't share the big stuff like beliefs, morals, life/family goals, those are big things that can turn into points of contention.
An argument or discussion doesn't always change those things either.
This Seems Specific...[rebelmouse-image 18356265 is_animated_gif=
When they host a dinner party with two, and then later on three, couples just to passive aggressively humiliate each other the whole time. And then later on when they've both reached their limit she throws his favorite trophy at the plasma tv, which he bought, and subsequently breaking it.
It doesn't help that prior to this she puts on the music of her young, hot ex-employee that she clearly got ravaged by multiple times.
Me And My Baby[rebelmouse-image 18356267 is_animated_gif=
Pretty much anytime I see a couple have a shared FB account. Usually it seems like either someone cheated, and so they don't fully have the trust of their partner, or someone absolutely wears the pants and the other is a pushover. Not saying that couples can't make those sort of situations work, but...
This Is A Cheerocracy[rebelmouse-image 18356268 is_animated_gif=
When one partner sets out huge expectations and outlandish terms expecting the other to change and defer to them. The relationship would be a dictatorship.
Hobbies[rebelmouse-image 18356269 is_animated_gif=
I was talking with a new couple, and the girl was telling me how they like none of the same things. Every date they go on, one was sacrificing for the other to do something they liked. At some point in the conversation, I made a joke about sex, and she said, "Oh yeah, there is one thing we both enjoy!"
Sex is nice, but don't let it be your only hobby in common.
The first time we all have sex is such a nerve wracking experience.
Everybody wants to be good. No... GREAT!
That probability is highly unlikely though.
There is so much to learn and navigate when it comes to sex.
RedditorBobirrrwanted to talk about the birds and the bees and all the information that surprised us. They asked:
"What did you not know about sex until you lost your virginity?"
GuidesBaseball Fail GIFGiphy
"You gotta guide it much more than you think."
"Just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean you’ll become good at it without a remarkable amount of trial and error."
"More than trial and error, you gotta ask your partner how it was, what they liked and didn’t like and what they want to try. Being able to have an open and honest conversation about sex with your partner makes it so much better."
"Agreed. An ex friend of mine boasted that he was great in bed because his body count was over 50. Bro, if your body count is that high at that age, it means no one’s coming back for more."
"When you have that mindset you won’t ever get the chance. It’s not that big of a deal and not something you need to put that much pressure on that you’re fretting about it like this. It’ll come, just be you and don’t sweat about it. I was 21 when I lost my virginity and all my friends were 15-18 when they lost theirs. I don’t regret when it happened and I don’t feel like I was late or missing out, it just happened when it happened."
"That two bellies rubbed together at just the right angle can make a loud fart noise. Funny tho when it does happen for the first time."
I hate that noise. Gross. It's confusing.
Stylemasturbation im horny GIFGiphy
"How you pleasure yourself can be a huuuge influence on your sex life."
It'a All New
"Instead of just after virginity, after years of having sex and looking back at my first time where my partner was much more experienced than me, I’ve realised that pretty much all sex with a new person, virginity or not, feels new. I was really hung up on being good at it when I should’ve treated it as a learning experience for the next time."
Too Much Porn
"That foreplay is SUPER important. You don't see it too much in a lot of porn so until you get into the bedroom you don't really consider the prep. Often times you just see people going at it which is great and all but everything is much better when both parties are warmed up."
It makes sense...
"That I was allergic to latex."
"Same. Friends would talk about having sex multiple times a day, and I was over here wondering WHY they would ever put themselves through that. It took days to recover. Someone finally mentioned a latex allergy, and it all made sense."
"Omg this. Except my allergy was fairly mild. It meant peeling skin a couple days later. Literally took me years to find out why that was."
Noises OffGrocery Store Reaction GIF by TravisGiphy
"The large amount of sounds that can be produced by the human body."
Take note friends. Nobody is perfect out of the gate. Take you time. Do it right.
America is in quite a state right now.
We are hurting in ways we've never hurt before.
And getting better doesn't seem like an option on the horizon.
America gets a lot wrong everyday.
But, maybe let's try to focus on what America does right.
Maybe it can be a little comfort in times of struggle.
People from all over the world want to live here.
Redditor Ulrich-Stern wanted to discuss the best of America. They asked:
"What does the United States get right?"
I think America certainly has a strong work ethic. We know how to work and win.
Getting AroundCivil Rights Equality GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
"Accessibility code for buildings. I come from a country where disability is looked upon like a crime or fault. USA does an amazing job making things accessible. I haven’t seen all of USA but majority of the places has amazing system."
"Our public libraries are a real backbone for the country."
"Andrew Carnegie's groundwork in building the institution of free libraries, even in small towns, set a precedent that we wouldn't fathom today but couldn't live without. They often serve not only as an information exchange but as cultural hub, art gallery, performing arts center, tax aid, voter registration, job resources, etc. in communities."
"Plus they're one of the only places you can just exist for hours indoors without the expectation you must buy something.And I feel like they've adapted to the ever-changing needs of their patrons in modern times faster in the US than most places."
"'A library outranks any other one thing a community can do to benefit its people. It is a never failing spring in the desert.' -Andrew Carnegie"
'restore' or 'create'
"Valuing actual wilderness in places like national parks. Here in England, they will 'restore' or 'create' natural habitats, which is sort-of nice, but they are almost like zoos. They are too small to survive by themselves so they are actively maintained."
"And in some English national parks, they actually allow housing developments as long as the architectural design is sympathetic. Here, 'countryside"'means farms. There is still a notion in the USA of protecting some large wilderness areas from development."
"The rate of smoking cigarettes. We do very little well in the US when it comes to overall health, but we are light years better than most places when it comes to the prevalence of cigarette smoking. Hardcore anti smoking adds + laws of inconvenience + social stigma really did work."
HollywoodMovie Theater Reaction GIF by CBSGiphy
"Films. Don't get me wrong, the US can put out some bad films, but the best ones I've seen are usually American."
We do do films well. That is a big plus.
FamilyKids Playing GIF by moodmanGiphy
"The United States adopts more children than the rest of the world combined."
"Burgers. Motherfreakin' burgers."
"I'd expand that to sandwiches in general. Burgers, Philly cheese steaks, Reubens, subs, clubs, chopped cheese, po'boys, just this whole sandwich spectrum. Americans just took sandwich concepts from across the globe and ran with them."
"I've always envied your wildlife. I'm from England and the only large wild animals (other than fish) we have are deer, boar and foxes. And they're incredibly rare. I've always thought it was so cool one country could have bears, moose, cougars, alligators, panthers, bison/buffalo, etc."
"Gas stations like QuikTrip, where they have clean bathrooms, lighted parking lots, free air for your tires, ten different coffees on tap, beer, hotdogs, any soft drink or snack you want, the list goes on. In other countries -- you're not gonna believe this -- their gas stations only sell... gas."
POWERbill nye GIFGiphy
"The US is an absolute science powerhouse. The technology we come out with has touched the lives of nearly every person on the planet."
"I say this as an immigrant who came to this country, so perhaps take it with a grain of salt. But it truly gives people a second chance at life. My life would be nowhere near as good as it is right now if I were back in my home country."
Maybe America isn't the hot mess a lot of people think it is. We'll see...
Sex is an important part of life.
That is just a fact.
But sex is also about connection and intimacy.
So it's not a surprise when many relationships take a hit after the sex dries up.
It's not something to ignore.
It's the biggest problem in the world, but partners should discuss it.
RedditorItsyBitsyJoxywanted to hear about reasons to stick around with a partner when there is no sexy time. They asked:
"Would you be in a sexless relationship? What circumstance would you find acceptable for this?"
Sex is fun. And when the sex stopped in my relationships... so did the fun. But that is just me.
A Certain EraVery Funny Oops GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy
"I'm over 80."
"There’s a lot of people that are going to be real shocked once they hit their 70s."
"Our second child has ruined her sex drive. Intimacy is still there but extremely infrequently. I've learned how much that intimacy brings to the relationship, it feels very lonely and although I know it's not her fault, it can still make you feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty lonely too if you go from a romantic relationship to borderline platonic one. You can't help wonder how much is body changes and how much is you."
"I had rectal cancer and because of the surgery I can no longer get an erection, it's very lonely."
"Not sure if one exists, but a site to just make friends to be cuddle buddies, or whatever, should exist for people like you & me. I lost my sex drive & would like a relationship for that occasionally."
"In my case, it's not wanting to see someone very often, as well as the lack of sex drive, that I think would make it difficult. I also don't like people over to my home as it's too small for a couch & we'd be hanging out on my bed, which is weird to me."
"I'm in one now. My husband had a stroke... no sex is not the big problem for either one of us."
"This comment brings a lot of perspective. My gut reaction to this question was no. Sex was and still is pretty significant in my relationship with my wife. We’re in our 30’s and have been together over a decade. But if something happened to her and it was no longer an option? I would never leave her and love her too damned much to imagine it, no matter how much we love sex."
PainScarlett Johansson GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"I have a near sexless marriage. The love is strong, but the desire is one-sided. That hurts."
Sexless over loveless is definitely easier. So there is that.
Over time...up s GIFGiphy
"I am happily married to my good lady for decades and decades. There are times when it has been sexless for whatever reason but never has it been loveless.I wouldn’t have lasted 2 days in a loveless relationship."
You play the cards you are dealt
"I’m dating a man who got diagnosed with prostate cancer a year or so into our relationship. Prostate had to come out and it’s a hit or miss whether or not sexual function comes back. In his case, it was a miss. He wanted me to move on because he got very depressed over it."
"He’s so pleasant and a real decent human being so I stayed with him. Who would abandon someone due to a health crisis? Unfortunately he got bladder cancer next so this is another hurdle to go over. You play the cards you are dealt. We are together in this."
"The reasons for the 'sexlessness' and the depth of the relationship are key factors. My wife got breast cancer at 40 and while she lived another 8 years, the chemotherapy nullified her libido and made intercourse impossible. And yet I dearly wish we could have grown old together whether or not this would have changed. But that’s completely different from cohabiting a loveless marriage or even facing such a situation in one’s youth only a few years after marriage. That would be hard."
"A sexless relationship is better than a loveless relationship, as long as I'm loved and we share physical affection like cuddling and kisses and I'm allowed to beat my meat when I need too I wouldn't care. Just a heads up to all the people who take this personally enough to comment how wrong I am."
"There's no such thing as a wrong option, my opinion is in regards to myself and myself alone I'm not answering for anyone else. Different opinions aren't wrong... OP asked a question to be answered from your own point of view..so there's no reason to call anyone else wrong... it's about you, answer for YOU I've answered for me."
Love is there...Checking In I Love You GIF by Seize the AwkwardGiphy
"I'm in one. Not happy about it, but love is still there so that's nice."
"Same. Maybe had it once in the last 12 years. Finally decided to go to couples/sex therapy this year. Not sure it is helping, but at least I finally brought up that I wanted to try something. My wife is my best friend and I love here with every fiber, just wish there was more intimacy there."
it never happens...
"We haven't had sex in five months due to numerous reasons. Never have alone time with my mom and daughter here. We're both too tired. Our bed we have sex on is where my mom is sleeping. Our waterbed is difficult to use. We always say next weekend and it never happens. We're still going strong though. We love each other and that's what matters."
Well I guess some people can make it work. More power to you.
We all have things which get on our nerves.
Some people have a fairly high tolerance level, and are only truly perturbed by things which are beyond the bounds of common decency, or which are universally accepted as annoying or inconvenient.
Others are not so lucky, and tend to be set off by things which might go completely unnoticed by everyone else.
Redditor Onatic420 was curious to learn the things which instantly make others want to pull their hair out and scream, leading them to ask:
"What do you find annoying as f*ck?"
Is it so hard to pick up after yourself?
"Habitual litterers."- SuvenPan
"When people don’t clean up after themselves."- cheeto_has_spoken
If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen
"People that can dish it but can’t take it."
"I work with a dude like this and it’s terrible."- MF_GhidraTea Time Reaction GIF by Kamie CrawfordGiphy
Never judge something by it's size.
"When skin tears near your fingernail and that teeny tiny wound hurts way more than it should."- BlackCaaaaat
"When mosquitoes fly by ur ears."- AxcesDrifter
Back to where we started...
"The Reddit app when it scrolls back up to the top of the 65 TRILLION FKN articles you’ve read."
"It should burn the articles as you read them."- Deathdar1577
Take some responsibility!
"A person's inability to say sorry."- rohankentsorry kristen wiig GIFGiphy
Get out of the way!
"People who leave the f*cking shopping carts in middle of the f*cking aisle!"- otherm0ther
But enough about me, what do you think of me?
"People who make it all about themselves."- ExtensionAir7Proud Drag Queen GIF by CameoGiphy
A lost cause
"Willfully ignorant people."- KingZaneTheStrange
Be it the way another person behaves or common, every day occurrences, we all have things which get on our nerves.
Most of the time it's best to grin and bear it.
But next time you see someone litter, it might be a fine opportunity to let that anger out.
For your sake, and everyone else's.