I'm about to be 36 years old, and my high school friends still tease me about "the ramp incident" that happened in ninth grade. I used to want to crawl in a hole and die when they brought it up, but looking back on it now, I can admit it was probably hilarious. Long story short, I managed to fall down a large ramp because I thought strappy 90's heels were a great thing to wear to school when I had literally never worn heels before.
But whatever, I was already the youngest person in the school since I had skipped a grade and I wanted to be 90's cute so that I could be "cool." Strappy heels, a long skirt, and butterfly clips were the order of the day. Things did not go well. Not only did *I* fall, but since it was a large ramp and happened during class change at a crowded school, my short, stout,12-year-old self managed to take down several (like at least 2 dozen) students with me in a horrific human bowling/domino disaster. This ramp happened to dump into the very crowded cafeteria. The laughter of terribly hormonally awful high-school students still haunts my soul today.
One Reddit user, who apparently feels my pain, wanted to know about the memories we have of things that were terrible in the moment, but in retrospect are kind of hilarious. Here are some of the responses that left me cringing, cackling, and overall just feeling a little bit better about myself. Obviously, they've been edited for language or clarity where needed.
Not The Right Answer
One time when I was in 7th grade math class, the teacher asked a question that I actually knew the answer to, so when he asked the class which of us knew the answer, I enthusiastically shot my hand up. He didn't call on me. However, the girl he did call on got it wrong, so when he asked the rest of the class who could give the correct answer, I not only threw my hand up this time with even more fervor than the first attempt, but I accompanied it with a deal-sealing "I know!" as well.
This time he did call on me, and just as I went to triumphantly announce the proof of my mathematical prowess...I sneezed, the force of which caused me to blast the loudest fart I had ever produced in my theretofore young life.
As I turned 12 shades of crimson in the mortified embarrassment that only a 13 year-old kid who just farted in front of roomful of other merciless 13 year-old kids could feel, and said roomful of vengeful little bastards already roaring in laughter at me, my shame was only further deepened when the teacher, stifling himself from bursting out fits of laughter as well, confirmed to me and the rest of the class, "That's not the right answer either!"
This didn't happen in my childhood, but I'm pretty sure I ruined a few childhoods. I very briefly worked as a princess at childrens' birthday parties. Snow White, Cinderella, standard stuff. One day dispatch called me and told me I'd be playing Hello Kitty at a party. I didn't even know that was an option! But okay, fine. I go to pick up the costume and it's this giant fuzzy suit with a steel hula-hoop in the middle keeping it round and a giant head with some mesh in the mouth that I can barely see out of. This was going to be a long hour...
So I get to the party and it's outside in this family's backyard. I do all my schtick - face painting, balloon animals, magic tricks, but there's still about 15 mins left to kill so I ask the kids if they want to play a game. The kids have some random made-up game where you throw a ball and tag the tree and run back to a certain point or whatever, so I say fine, let's play.
Now, what I couldn't tell from the poor vision out of the mesh costume head was that the yard we were in was situated at the top of a very steep hill. I went to catch a ball and suddenly everything was spinning. I was rolling (the hula hoop kept it's shape, so my feet never touched the ground, I rolled like a giant fuzzy ball) down the hill. The giant head flew off and I landed at the bottom in a giant bush. I could see tiny heads peering over the side of the hill. Finally I heard a mom yell:
"Are you okay?"
"Do you need some help?"
It took three dads to roll me back up the hill because my center of gravity in this giant ball wouldn't allow me to climb back up this massive vertical hill. The head was dented, there were twigs sticking out of it. Half the kids were laughing, the other half were sobbing. I walked straight through the kitchen and out the front door without bothering to say I was leaving and see if I'd get a tip. I wanted to leave so badly I attempted to get into my Saturn with the suit still on, but that wasn't going to happen. I had to change awkwardly behind my car and left as quickly as possible.
Horrifying at the time. Thankfully this was pre-smart phones so it wasn't all over YouTube the next day. Although now I think I'd like to see it, it's pretty hilarious in retrospect.
A Little Tree
5th grade graduation:
I was selected to present some award to one of my teachers. No one told me anything about it, explained what would happen, etc. Apparently there was a meeting with all of the kids who were giving awards, but I was never invited to it. The kids were told there was some sentence to go up and say, and hand the teacher a certificate. I didn't know that, so day-of I get called first, and I really confusedly stood up.
They had said something about how these potted little trees at the front of the room were part of the award in the preface, so in the absolute silence of that room I meekly walked to one of the trees, picked it up - pot and all, and carried it onstage to the teacher at the podium. The stage was set up so that I had to go all the way to one side, up a short set of stairs, and back to the center. It was a long walk.
When I finally arrived at the podium, I put the tree down and a little dirt spilled out. The teacher standing at the podium finally mercifully broke the silence after another few seconds, hugged me and said something about her award being hand delivered, and I went back and sat down. Assumedly beet red.
"Shh Watch This"
Was walking down the hallway talking to my crush when suddenly I had to fart.
For some stupid reason, my 10 year old self thought it would be a good idea to interrupt her, stand in front of her, say "Shhhh, watch this" and fart.
Except it wasn't a fart. That's right. I interrupted my crush, got her attention, and then pooped my pants right in front of her, and then ran off in embarrassment and shame.
When i was in 6th grade, I won the class spelling bee. I knew it wasn't a big deal because I knew no one cares how good of a speller anyone is. But I was a poor student overall and I had a subdued pride that I had won. I was excited that I would get to go on to the school-wide spelling bee with an opportunity to showcase before the whole school that I was good at something
My second word was 'plaid'. When it was given to me, it just sounded like a nonsense syllable. I just shrugged and figured it was probably the past-tense of 'plod' and rattled off my assumed spelling without thinking
It took a split-second. I was standing there before a catholic school assembly, half of whose students were wearing plaid jumpers. The meaning of the word clicked the very moment I had repeated the word, and the scope and ridiculousness of my error crashed into me instantaneously. My eyes went wide as dinner-plates, and I positively screamed in incredulous, self-loathing outrage. It was like this:
"Your word is 'plaid"
"Plad, P-L-A-D, pladNOOOOOO"
Then I kind of dramatically half-crumbled, writhing around while still standing, kind of a knees-bent, hunched-over posture, and tearing at my hair with both fists. I slunk off to the sides, the first person eliminated, and struggled to hold back tears, still showcased before the entire school as I was
My sister still gives me shit about it when we're having a jokey disagreement about anything as a go-to argument-finisher, "F*ck you, spell 'plaid' whydon'tcha"
One time in 8th grade PreAlgebra, my favorite teacher was talking about triangles. She said,
"You have to square the legs. Michael! What did I just say??"
Michael who is a perpetually sleepy soul, always half-listening replies:
"Uhmh. I dunno. Something about spreading the legs?"
There were no survivors.
Oh Sweet Jesus!
I got bitten on my arm by a brown recluse while I was sleeping. Woke up with what looked like an infected ingrown hair that quickly became a gaping hole of rotting black flesh. At the worst of it, you could see a small, half-centimeter spot of my bone.
Whatever, that's just background details for context.
So here I am with my parents standing in line at Wal-mart with a big white bandage around my arm hiding the gore underneath. I'm out of the woods and on the mend, but it's still hideous to see. A lady is standing behind us in line and spots my bandage. For some reason, she wants to know what happened. I give her a smile and say I got bit by a spider. She made a "yeesh" face and said she hoped it got better soon.
Me, with a shit eating grin: "wanna see it??"
Her: "Oh, uh, no that's fine. You should keep it-OH SWEET JESUS!!"
I didn't wait for her answer and just whipped it out. The lady was so grossed out by my disgusting rotting spider bite that she ended up vomiting in the aisle. She got it on my shoes, some of the random knickknacks they keep on shelving at check out, and all over the floor. Then, I, being weak in the stomach in those days, threw up, too. It was the smell that got me.
It was awful.
Today, I know that all happened because 12yo me was a trouble maker and brought it upon herself. It's hilarious now remembering this 40 or 50ish year old lady yelling "OH SWEET JESUS!"
Self Cleaning Toilet
I was 7 years old, on a stay cation with my family in Cornwall, England. It was a beautiful summers day. My brother and I were desperate for the bathroom, after walking around for what seemed like like forever we found a toilet block which you had to pay 20 pence to enter.
There was a line of people as this was the only bathroom around the nearby area. My brother goes in and does his business and then holds the door for me on the way out. I went in and sat down on the toilet, but this was far from a moment of relief...
The lights flickered frantically, the toilet (which I was sat on) started to move into the wall, cleaning products sprayed vigorously throughout the whole room, jetting out from the walls. In my panicked state, bare arse in the floor, I began screaming. I finally got out of the bathroom drenched from head to toe, looked distraught at all of the other people that had been lining up outside.
Everyone found this hilarious except for me. This was my 'Nam, you weren't there man... You weren't there.
I really wish my brother didn't hold the door as these toilets were self cleaning, which we clearly found out.
Enough To Mummify A Komodo Dragon
In 5th grade, I walked into Mrs. Buffalo's social studies class from the bathroom with toilet paper pinched inthe back of abercromie jeans, unbeknownst to me. Before I had a chance to sit down, my friend pulled out enough toilet paper to mummify a komodo dragon while the class roared.
As I type this now, I'm surprised I wasn't mocked for that beyond that moment. Probably because some other kid farted soon after. Still my go-to "most embarrassing" moment during drinking games.
Freshman year of college I was sitting in the stands to watch a soccer game at my university. A cute girl from my dorm walks up the stairs with her parents and looks over at me and smiles and says "hey!" and starts walking over with her arms out like she wants to hug. I was kind of surprised because I didn't know her that well, but I stood up and said hi and hugged her.
When we make physical contact she kind of stutters and says "oh, uh, hey," and then lets go of me and hugs the girl who was sitting next to me. Turns out she was going to hug her roommate, who I was sitting next to, and I intercepted it. It was about 100x more embarrassing than waving back at someone not waving to you, but I crack up every time I think about it now!
There's no shortage of excellent horror fiction out there. Recently I read The Terror by Dan Simmons and can't remember the last time I felt that claustrophobic and nervous. But I am also a fan of quite a few classics. Are there any other horror books that capture grief as effectively as Stephen King's Pet Sematary? What other book evokes folk horror as beautifully as Thomas Tryon's Harvest Home? Let's not forget this wonderful classic: The Haunting of Hill House. I could rave about that one (and Shirley Jackson) for days. All of these books left their mark on me and yes, I'd include them on a list (if I were to make one) of some of the scariest books I've read.
People had their own opinions to share––and books to recommend––after Redditor Tylerisdumber asked the online community,
"What's the scariest book you've ever read?"
"Gerald's Game. I've read lots of Stephen King and this one scared me the most. Slept with the lights on for several nights."
Everything about this book is creepy. Don't even get me started on the... degloving. I'm sorry I even typed that word out.
"It's not a long story..."
"The Yellow Wallpaper.
It's not a long story and I'd highly recommend going in knowing little to nothing about it. It's brilliant and terrifying. Published in 1892 as well if that's any interest!"
Few stories make you feel this sad. A pretty stunning piece of work––and yes, unnerving. Can really get under your skin.
"I think it was mainly..."
"For some reason, Salem's Lot by Stephen King.
I think it was mainly because I was on a week-long hiking trip in the Australian bush and it got dark and scary at night. But damn, I had trouble sleeping for a couple of nights. Then the friend I was hiking with read it, and he couldn't sleep either."
This is probably my favorite early King––and for good reason. The sense of atmosphere is impeccable. Those characters are loveable and you genuinely care about what happens to them. Then the book veers from horror into tragedy. It's quite moving.
"Just the knowledge..."
"On The Beach.
It's the most soul-crushing book I've ever read, and there's really nothing scary in it.
Just the knowledge of impending death for everyone that feels so awfully heavy."
This is one of those books that makes you feel hopeless.
It's impeccably written but wow... it's a truly heavy read.
"You never knew..."
It's a classic. I found it to be immensely chilling. You never knew what would happen and the writing instilled a sort of dread. I read it in the dark before I went to bed until I finished it."
A book I can read and re-read over and over again. It's a beautiful horror novel. It's also a really fascinating window into the era and manages to say a lot about social and class mores.
"I'm Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid. Very creepy and unnerving, definitely scared me reading it at night."
I wanted to really like this one––unfortunately, I did not––but there's no denying that the first third or so (especially once the two protagonists get to the house) is pretty unnerving. Shame the payoff wasn't all that.
"It was disturbing and horrifying..."
"Helter Skelter. It's about the Manson murders and goes into quite a bit of detail. It was disturbing and horrifying because, unlike the King novels also mentioned, it's true. What they did to Sharon Tate is so absolutely devastating. Pure evil."
This book is gruesome and not for the faint of heart. The level of detail we dive into learning about the Tate-LaBianca murders is remarkable and also rather nauseating.
"So the book's characters..."
"Bird Box by Josh Malerman.
Forget the Netflix movie. The book's monsters are terrifying, in that you simply just don't know what they are or what they look like. They could be anything. What they are is enough to drive people insane by just being looked at.
So, the book's characters have to navigate a world mostly without one of our most used senses, and what's more terrifying than something you can't see?
This leads to some utterly scary scenes in the book that sent my heart racing and I had to put down for a breather."
It's a shame that movie wasn't all that and a bag of potato chips.
"It's a different kind of scary..."
"It's a different kind of scary, but The Handmaid's Tale. Atwood's dystopian nation feels not that far from reality sometimes, and it absolutely terrifies me."
We're going to go there.
Yes, this book is terrifying.
"I feel like the movie..."
"The Ruins, by Scott Smith, messed me up pretty good. My favorite kind of horror is psychological, and while there is a physical "entity" the real horror is the helplessness of this stranded group trapped by something they don't understand. Their desperate struggle to hold on to their sanity and the slow descent into hopeless desperation just really hit hard.
I feel like the movie was a fairly faithful adaptation, although it's been a while since I've seen it."
I love this book and have read it multiple times over the years. It's slow-going... and then the final one-hundred pages are just horrifying.
Well, if you haven't read any of these... What are you waiting for? Get on that. You won't regret it.
But also... the world is pretty scary right now, so we understand if you need to take a step back.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us in the comments below!
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Have you ever traveled to a city you've always heard good things about, only to be totally let down upon arrival?
When a friend insists we travel to certain cities because we would "just love it," they're setting the bar pretty high.
And a city can also boast a rich history or an attraction that makes us curious enough to find out what makes it so appealing.
But, alas, when we finally reach the destination, it's never exactly what we thought it would be.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor tshirtguy2000 asked:
"What city is overrated?"
These are not officially real cities but they do have a rotating population.
It's Always A Party There
"As a former
slave associate at party city. I 100% agree."
"Lego City. There always has to be someone falling into the river."
"Cabot Cove, the murder capital of the world."
"Sure, the murders are all solved, but would you really want to live in a city with that much, easily solved, crime?"
Neighbor To Springfield
Shelbyville. Those f'kers steal trees from neighboring cities.
These were once considered destination cities but their popularity eventually took a nose dive.
"Atlantic City. Venture a few blocks off the boardwalk and it's incredibly depressing. Very clearly an area exploited by the big casinos while the locals have been driven to absolute poverty, while they still force a smile to work the shops that are required for the tourist traffic."
Lots Of Water
"Niagara Falls, Canada. I grew up there. Mayor pumps most of tax $ to casinos and tourism with flashy vegas-esque attractions."
"Myrtle Beach. I'm not even saying that it has a good reputation, I'm just saying that any shred of positive thinking about it makes it overrated."
Where A Creek Is An Exciting Attraction
"Lamb's Grove, Iowa. It's not the paradise on earth that people always say it is. Don't get me wrong, it's got great Chinese food but the motel 6 is meh at best."
Impressions for these cities fell far below expectation.
"Dubai. It's the clickbait of the world. 'We have the biggest/tallest/most expensive YOU WON'T BELIEVE when you see THIS...' It's hot as f*k, everything's a man-made tourist trap; labor exploitation and racism are rampant, and they try so hard to prove to the world how modern and Westernized they are. Really, it's just government propaganda."
"Miami. Horrible place filled with horrible people."
Truth be told, many cities can be overrated.
It just depends on a person's experience, or a resident's perspective about what it is about the location they live in that is nothing worth writing home about.
If I had to choose, I would say Las Vegas is overrated, but that's because there is nothing in Sin City that is of personal interest to me.
I may be severely judged for my opinion, but that is a gamble I'm willing to take.
The opposite sex can be a bit of a mystery sometimes. Our brains work differently just like our bodies and this can lead to certain sensitive questions. Guys tend to be a little less open but today it's time for the ladies to ask away. Even wondered what they really think or feel about their body, yours? Today's the day to get the answers you didn't know you needed.
Redditor William84000 asked:
“Women of reddit, what question do you have of men that you'd really like an answer to?"
His question started an informative thread for women to ask men the questions they've been wondering and receive honest, real-life answers.
“How long does it take to recover if you've been hit in the balls?” Snowy-avocado
“Anywhere from 5 minutes to literally turning to dust like we were Thanos snapped.” secondhand_organsdust whirls GIFGiphy
“The Big Dumb Object...”
“I've always wanted to know: why do you like loud machinery so much? For older men it's mowers, leaf blowers and such. For younger men, it's modified cars and motorbikes. What's the deal with the loud machines?” marshmellow_bunnyx
“Power and tools. Tools are a thing that gets stuff done, and they are loud because they contain the
natural essence power of violent explosions and fire. Most men like powerful things, instead of powerful people.”
“In sci-fi, this is called 'The Big Dumb Object', and is pretty much a trademark of sci fi books written by men” Connect-Zebra7173
To shave or not to shave?
“Does body hair on a woman bother you that much?" reillydean28
“Leg/arm hair? Don't even notice. Armpit hair? Not my thing but not my choice/decision. Pubic hair? I'd prefer not, but it's not going to stop me from getting the job done." wHUT_fun
It’s a power and control thing...
“Why send a d*ck pic?" stavinlawrence
“I think for most men it's a power dynamic thing. Either it gets them off or it just makes them feel in control."
“Then I assume there's the added bonus of if she likes it she might send a nude back. But these losers have a greater chance of buying a "get bigger penis pills" that actually work before a girl appreciates an unsolicited nude." InertialEclipse
"Do you notice the little things?”
“Do you notice the little things about women like a new hair cut, when they wear makeup or a nice outfit?” xforeverlove22
“I can't speak for everyone but for me, nope. Not at all. My uncle had a moustache for like 20 years and one day decided to shave it off. I didn't notice it. I noticed there was a weird atmosphere around me like ‘come on, say something’, so I small talked with him.”
“A few hours later after he left they asked me if I seriously didn't notice that his moustache was gone. My answer was ‘What moustache?‘ And makeup would definitly fly over my head.” PleaseTakeThisName
Lets just not touch people without permission...
“What things have women done that make you uncomfortable?" charloget
“Had a few grab my junk at random. Even had a couple that just forced a kiss on me. I don't usually experience women trying to pick me up, but the few times I did was never great. It was either negging, overly sexually aggressive and always in a group." bahamabanana
On today's episode of sink of float...
“Do penis' float like a buoy? I heard they do but have never been able to verify it.” TheFantasticV
“I mean it's buoyant but it can't really do much besides lazily sorta half float there. Still amused the f**k out of my wife to learn.” secondhand_organsGiphy
Everyone just wants to be loved...
“What makes you feel loved?” linedizzy
“A compliment, a hug or a kiss we don't have to initiate.” Nuitari8
“Do guys care if women get cosmetic procedures done?” dookieconductor
“I don't necessarily care about the work itself, I'd be more concerned about understanding why she felt like she wanted to get it done and help her feel body positive for whatever work has been done or if she feels like she needs work.” -notjosh-
Math will kill a mood everytime...
“What does it feel like when you're having sex and you're trying not to 'get there'? Is it frustrating? What do you do/think about to keep it from happening?" uhohoreolas
“I sometimes do math like 333*3... But often I am fine with just controlling things to focus mostly on her pleasure instead of mine. Tho sometimes she is excited and ends up moving in unaccounted ways while I am a hair away and there is no stopping it. I definitely don't find it frustrating. It is still very enjoyable." Fkire
Some of these Q&A's were unexpected but now we know! This important thing here though is knowing it's ok to ask questions sometimes.
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Everyone's got their own favorite food.
What are two foods that actually taste great together......even though most people don't eat them that way?
Breakfast is the most wonderful meal of the day. As the wise Leslie Knope once said, "Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?" So mixing it up can feel blasphemous, but what if it's tasty?
Jam It On
"When I was growing up, it was standard procedure for us to put grape jelly on scrambled eggs. I did it when I went to college and everyone at the table stared at me. I still like it."
"That sounds gross af, but not too gross that I don't still want to try it. Haha"
Bringing People Together
"Peanut butter and maple syrup."
"My husband and I both grew up eating PB and syrup on our waffles. We took that as a sign it was meant to be."
"Peanut butter and syrup on waffles is one of the single best things I have ever had, also growing up with it"
Mustard?! Don't Let's Be Silly.
"Mustard with scrambled eggs. Actually I haven't had it in a while but from what I remember its really good"
"Mustard with eggs period"
Sauces and dips are critical to enjoying some foods. Mess with it too much and you risk ruining the delicacy. So that's why it's reassuring to see these people offering up their new spins on dip combinations.
Only For The Elegant Dining Experience
"Hummus and salsa mixed together with tortilla chips."
"Fancy bean dip."
Peanut Butter With Everything!
"Peanut butter and cheddar cheese (like the proper brick kind, not kraft cheese slices). When I was a kid I sometimes made myself pb and cheese sandwiches. They're very filling but delicious!"
"Toasted English muffin, butter, peanut butter, raspberry jam and marble cheddar on top. Lord have mercy on me."
"Add a litte hot sauce on the peanut butter."
Better Than Garlic Sauce?
"I already posted but I'm eating pizza with my friend right now and he likes his pizza with hummus."
"Hummus is good with so many things."
"So I make spaghetti noodles, but break up the raw noodles into smaller pieces. Once they're done I put in a an egg or two (mix it around) and let it cook. I swear it's not that bad. My Nonna always makes it for me when I go back to the Midwest to visit. It's good with parmesan cheese too."
And then there's these taste combinations. Mixtures so strange, you might just be willing to walk away from your phone or computer and try one now.
Sweet And Savory?
"Watermelon and feta cheese."
"With red onion and balsamic vinegar."
"Thats like the most basic summer thing in Greece, Balkans, Turkey together with some Uzo or Raki"
Who Lives In A Cheddar Under The Sea?
"Pineapple and cheddar."
"A guy at work introduced me to dipping a peanut butter and honey sandwich into chili. That was surprisingly great."
A Creative Spin On An Old Favorite
"Root beer float except with cherry Coke and chocolate ice cream. I was in middle school on a field trip, last in line at the cream shop, and ordered this after everyone else had done the standard root beer and vanilla. One of the cool girls who had never spoken my name before gave me this piercing look and asked if I would switch with her. I instinctively knew I would get zero benefit from this deal, so I said "Nope, ya gotta just remember it next time." That felt good."
Keep an open mind. Don't do this for every meal, sure, but always be ready to try something new.
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