The internet is a beautiful thing. Not only is it the apex of all of the world's knowledge, but it also serves as a confessional for deep, dark secrets. Thanks to Reddit, people aren't afraid to be their true selves- even if that self is different than the one in real life.
u/FKA_Indigo asked: [Serious] What's a secret you will take to the grave but don't mind telling on the internet?
Good deed.
I had a sweet, wonderful student who had been in foster care but his mom worked her a** off to get him back and she did. He had to take a very important state exam and she called me and asked if he passed it. I looked at the grades and saw he did and said so. She burst into tears of joy and that is when I saw I had read the wrong score.
He had failed.
So I changed his grade to passing. No one knew. That was the only time I ever did that.
That could have cost me my license.
The weird thing is, when my awful corrupt principal pressured me to change other students' scores so we could raise our pass rate, I refused.
I never told anyone what I did for my student.
He went into the military, was extremely successful there, has a great wife and kids, so I think I did the right thing.
F*ck those tests. They aren't human.
A lot of people probably have this.
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Mentioned before, will never tell anyone I had one of those expensive fancy life sized sex dolls. Got rid of it at first opportunity after getting a real partner. But it's literally the only secret I have that I'm not willing to say to anyone in real life.
I watched a whole Vice program on it. I wouldn't mind giving it a go. I asked my roommate if he'd buy one, his line of thinking was spot on. Why not! But where would I hide it? A girl comes over and there's this life size mannequin with her mouth open sitting on the bed. "Don't mind her, I have you now."
Poor pup.
Only I know that my mother-in-law killed her dog by sitting on it.
Poor thing. Almost happened to our neighbors' dog, too. Chihuahua, the overweight son sat on him and broke the dog's pelvis. It survived but could never walk a straight line again after that.
How wholesome.
I used to work for the airport and so got very discounted fares for friends and family. My mom was going on a trip with her friend to Key West and they were gonna drive since flying was too expensive. I talked her into letting me handle the flying arrangements and they'd save a ton. A typical $500+ flight turned into like $250 for both of them combined.
Well, I was still kinda new at booking reservations and what not, and I ended up screwing up the reservation. I think I only booked it for one way or something. So the night before their flight, I rebooked it, and paid the $450 for the both of them (money I really didn't have) and have since never told my mom.
It was for mother's day, so I figured that was my gift to her. It's been nearly 10 years since.
I'm sure the ghost didn't mind.
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Speaking of grave... When I was a teenager some friends and I got really stoned and walked around the town cemetary. There was a whole section of generic flat grave markers from the 1800s.
I found myself trying to imagine their lives in the same town I lived so long ago. Then I saw one plate kind of sticking up and crooked and I bent down to touch it. It wasn't attached at all, and I lifted it up in my hand.
Right then, my asinine stoned teenage brain decided to put it in my backpack. I thought I'd somehow honor this stranger more than the shitty grounds' keeper leaving it all willy-nilly in the middle of the aisle. None of my friends saw what I did. Cue hours later, sober, and the guilt and panic are setting in.
I hid the plate in my closet for about a year before I chucked it back over the fence one day late at night. I hope Bessie Jane Holmes doesn't mind that I kept her for awhile. I still think back and shudder at the guilt of such immoral f*ckery.
That's so sad.
When I was a kid I used to sh*t in a tire in the garden because I was scared of getting locked in the toilet.
When I was young I peed under the basement stairs every night. I was afraid my stepmother (at the time), would hurt me if I flushed the toilet and it woke her, so I went under the stairs in my "room" (a mattress in the basement).
Holy sh*t.
I attempted to murder my mother. She was abusive, verbally but also physically. She'd hit you in places no one would see, or rip clumps of my hair out when Dad was on the road for work. She probably has a personality disorder. She got in my face one night when I was coming home from my second job, and I had it. My Mom like went through whole periods where she wouldn't work, I was killing myself every summer working 50+ hours to pay family bills in my parents' names and also get my younger sister to all of HER activities. I HAD IT. I tried to put Mom's head through a wall.
She started screaming, "Oh, help! Help!" and I told her she could dish it out, she should also be able to take it, shoved her on the ground and kicked her repeatedly in the abdomen and thigh, while still trying to put her head through the wall with one hand (it's a plaster-and-lath situation, old house in New England). She's destroyed so many people's lives and she never faces any consequences for it. No one in our family ever helped me or called the police when she would abuse me. The only one who ever helped was the dog, if the dog was awake when my mom tried to start something she'd get between us, growl at mom until she backed down. I had always shown restraint and never hit her until this night. But my Dad did call the cops on me when I crossed that line.
The cops get there, split us up to interview, I explain my side and then just blurt out, "Where were you a**holes when I was 8 and she was doing that to me?" The cop was taken aback, I think he could tell I was being honest and it was a culmination of years of pain. He goes and talks to his partner, "I think this isn't an assault, I think it's a mental illness thing." Then they basically intimidated my Mom and Dad into agreeing with them, they wouldn't let it go until they agreed it was a medical issue not a criminal one. So they called an ambulance and I went to the hospital as part of a "diversion program." Basically, they sent me to detox for three days and I emerged with no record, no charges, no nothing except a script for prozac and a recommendation for therapy (paid for by the state low income insurance plan).
Trying to kill my mom probably saved my life, honestly. Because I got myself some tools from a CBT/DBT therapist, but I'm not stupid enough to want people to know. Who would date me? How would I ever get promoted at work? Anyway: be kind. You never know what someone's been through and you never know what people are capable of when pushed far enough.
Valid question.
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I agreed to a first date with someone to make him stop crying. Six years later we're happily engaged and doing great.
I don't know how well he remembers that, but I'm not bringing it up.
Has he stopped crying yet?
This is horrifying.
That my dad paid my mom $1,500 for full custody of my youngest sibling. Not only would this be a massive blow to my sibling but my dad remarried quite quickly and the new wife is the very definition of an evil stepmom.
If my sibling knew that our mom gave her up for such a small sum of money and the trade off was 5+ years of abuse she would be destroyed.
I really don't understand this stuff, I couldn't imagine being with someone who treats my kid poorly. Like I feel like with any relationship, it would have to be agreed upon that the kid comes first
How traumatizing.
My father burned down my childhood home for the insurance money. He took me along as his "alibi", so I could verify he wasn't anywhere near it when it happened. I was 13 years old. I remember crying so hard knowing my clothes, books, photos - all of it would be destroyed. I wasn't allowed to save anything because he told me it would have been too suspicious.
I found out years later he blamed it on me. Telling the fire chief (plus friends and family) the fire had started because I must have been secretly smoking in my bedroom. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life...
For those asking about how he could use me as an alibi AND blame me for starting the fire at the same time - I was told to say that we were at my little brother's t-ball game the whole time. He told everyone else that I must have been smoking cigarettes in my room downstairs (where the fire was started) and that I must not have put it out correctly when we left. Therefore starting the fire.
We were not poor growing up, there were other things going on in my father's life that led him to do this. The money was just a welcome addition I'm assuming. He actually did end up with a felony for something else related to all that. It was 20+ years ago, so I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie.
Wow.
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My weird fetish. Giant robots. I want to be one so that I can stomp people and obligate them to lick my robot feet. I'd love to be like this:
https://www.deviantart.com/gosagilo/art/The-Crimson-biker-Reveal-810586766
If we were having a weirdest but most interesting fetish competition, you'd win.
This is a tough one.
I'm trans. If anyone found out my life would be hell.
Surround yourself with more accepting friends.
It won't "fix it" but it will give you a support system that can cushion your world and offer options you may never have considered.
Gross.
I pretended to be my best friend's girlfriend because he was actually dating his dad and he didn't want his mom and brother to get suspicious.
How do I unread a post?
A little yikesy.
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I lost my virginity at age 27 with a woman who was 58. She is a sweet lady who knew my mother and felt badly for me. It was pity sex but I didn't care.
I continued having sex with her for another 2 months until she ended it because I had grown "sexually dependent" on her. I'm 29 now and she's still the only woman I've had sex with.
On the bright side, it will be easy to take this secret to the grave since I know I'm gonna die alone.
This one might be the winner.
I intentionally killed a person. And got away with it.
Alright, I'll bite. What happened?
It was my grandma's mother. She was an old and fragile woman with a lot of health issues coming for her. She used to babysit me and my sister. (good parenting, tell me about it). But me and my sister were getting tired and overly annoyed by her outdated ways of taking care of then today's children of society. We were basically human slaves for her when we were alone at her place.
It seemed rather fair, for a 7 year olds brain, to just get her out of the way, no? After all, the way she treated me, treated us just seemed unfair to me. We told our parents that we didn't wanna go there anymore, we were tired of it. But no one listened, busy adults being themselves.
So I found this box of rat poison under the sink, she had problems with those little fellas. While she was at the bathroom I put them in her food. My sister was just frozen, couldn't believe what I've done but wouldn't stop me either. So when she came back out to eat she just started choking. I called 911, instantly regretting what I have done.
She was alive the last time I saw her, but died in the hospital from complications after her body and health not being able to handle the medications.
There are a ton of jobs or favors that don't require much skill, experience, or labor, and people who are fortunate enough to get hired walk away with a king's ransom.
Looking for those kinds of "jobs," however, is like finding a teardrop in the ocean.
Few who struck gold, at least temporarily, shared their experiences when Redditor NikTheNerdBoy asked:
"What's the dumbest thing you were paid to do and how much were you paid?"
Good luck finding these well-paying tasks.
Running Errands
"Had a WFH gig working sort of as a personal assistant for a rich guy on the opposite coast from me. I did all kinds of wacky sh*t for him. For example, one time I had to break up with my boss's girlfriend because he was too wimpy to do it himself. That was literally my job."
"One day, I bought him a new pickup truck. Meaning, I negotiated the deal and paid for the truck with his credit card. All in all, I'd say the process probably took about two weeks, for which I was paid my usual wage at six hours per day. No big deal."
"Somehow, his dad found out about the new truck and he decided he wanted a new pickup truck too. He called me about a week after I bought the truck for my boss and said he'd pay me $2,000 to buy a truck for him. I called the same dealership back, spoke to the same salesman, told him what was up and basically said give me another truck, same price as before. The salesman was only too happy to comply."
"It took ten minutes to make the phone call and then a day or two to get the title and other paperwork sorted out. So, depending on how you look at it, I made $2,000 for just ten minutes worth of 'work.'"
"Somehow, my boss's rich friend found out about all this. He decided he wanted a new SUV. 'OhYeahThrowItAway, you have to buy it for me!' I told him the last time I bought someone a vehicle, I got paid $2,000. The friend was basically like F'k it, I'll pay you $3,000, just get it for me' and then he emailed me his wish list."
"That deal took a little longer, maybe two weeks."
"I made $5k extra in just two months buying vehicles for lazy (or dumb) rich people."
Staying Out Of The Picture
"I was paid $300 to move my car for a movie that was filming by my apartment."
– dragoblaster666
Pack It Up
"Got paid 10k to leave an apartment because it was sold and new owner wanted to move in. I was tenant (renter) under previous owner. I had 4 months left in my rental contract. This was in Spain (Barcelona)."
European Vacation
"I was flown to Paris to do a compliance audit, the systems weren't set up for the audit, couldn't get access so spent the week being taken to restaurants and shopping. On 1 of the days and at the last minute the company decided to send me to London for a meeting, literally just to meet people. I missed the Eurostar because I forgot my passport (totally blanked that I was entering another country), they had to rebook the Eurostar. Nothing was achieved out of this trip. No audit was completed. Nothing came of the meeting. The cost to the company 25k+ for me to do nothing for a week. Corporate money is ridiculous money."
– _Justag1rl_
Not much labor was required for these so-called "jobs."
Ten-Minutes Of "Work"
"I used to work for a PR agency. Every month one of our clients wanted a handful of photos re-sized for their website; nothing fancy, just setting the width to 500px in Windows Photo Manager."
"It was maybe ten minutes of work every month, but the contract said the minimum amount of time we would charge them for was one day - and this was for the full team too, not just me. It must have cost them several hundred pounds every month."
"I showed the client how to do it several times, and explained that they could save a lot of money doing it themselves. They didn't seem to mind."
"In the end I made sure I got it in writing that I'd informed them of their options and let them get on with it."
– TheRainyDaze
Thank You, Goodbye
"$175 to do some kind of user study at Netflix, I show up in the lobby and then they go, 'actually we got the data we needed from the studies earlier today, you're free to go!'. Still got paid!"
– Lycid
Hush Money
"I did an event for a national association for deaf people at which they did every presentation in ASL. I am an audio engineer, who specializes in live sound and concerts. I did nothing for 5 days of show, $450 a day."
– murter95
Paid To Play
"I got asked to do 2 hours of barrier watch (Guarding a barrier ribbon while a crew did x rays inside a power plant). This was asked last minute after a 12 hour shift so the bonuses of staying happening to be a Sunday, etc I was being paid $110 to stand and play on my phone and make sure sure nobody tried to pass all the DO NOT ENTER DANGER DANGER signs during a time of day with minimal personnel."
– Hotel29
Movie Scene Dance GIF by FandorGiphyGotta Have Wendy's
"I was driving for uber. Picked up a bunch of drunks at like 2 AM. They were like 'Yo we gotta grab some Wendy' I go 'I'm sorry this is my busy period' they go 'Can we bribe you?' I go 'Absolutely you can bribe me.'"
"One the guys said I'll give you $100...I was shocked it was that high, another guy said '$150' and finally his wife said 'F'k it I want Wendy $200 and we buy you Wendy too.'"
"I finally said yes, FYI I hadn't said yes yet because the reality is $20-$40 would have gotten me to stop at Wendy."
"So there I sat at Wendy as those 3 drunks bought me wendy and paid me $200."
– luther_williams
Substitute Chef
"One time I was at this super fancy dinner party. I'm talking servers and everything, I was in a freaking tux! It was outside and catered by a professional bbq company. I mean these guys had won international competitions. Well get this, they were double booked and didn't show. The other servers didn't know how to grill, and this totally smokin server in her 30s is just staring at the grill like a deer in the headlights. Well I don't want to be a hero but I ask if I can help. The entire staff spend the rest of the night bringing me drinks as I make this bbq and NOBODY realizes the award winning chefs didn't show up!"
– Train3rRed88
Where Do We Apply?
"Ok this wasn't a job or anything.... But I got 10$ to eat half a watermelon."
Some opportunities present themselves.
When I was a kid, I hung out at a Japanese summer festival booth where you roll a bowling ball on a track that had two hills. The objective was to push the ball hard enough to get it over the first hill but not too hard to get it over the second hill.
I was fascinated with the challenge and stayed there for a long time as my parents were over by the food booths with their friends.
It was a slow day, and the dude working the booth wanted to peace out for a bit, so he offered to pay me $50 to "hang out" in his stead.
Of course, I said "sure."
No one ever came, and I earned fifty bucks rolling bowling balls for an hour. Was it the dumbest thing I ever did for money? Maybe, but I laughed all the way to the piggy bank that day.
That guy really must have despised his post enough to give a twelve-year-old kid $50.
Food is for survival. That was the plan. But over the years it has become somewhat of a way of life. Some of the most annoying people are foodies. They get so uppity about the preferences of others. Like, let me just enjoy what I enjoy.
Mom No!
Mom Smile GIFGiphy"I don't like my mom's cooking."
"Livestock have refused to eat my mother's cooking. She's a terror in the kitchen."
Take them OUT!!
"I hate walnuts in baked goods. It tastes like wood shavings and completely ruins the flavor."
"I love walnuts but I feel this way about raisins in baked goods, raisins are fine by themselves but not in sweets, I once ordered cinnamon rolls at Hardee's and bit into it and found out there were raisins in it, and I was grossed out and didn't want to eat it. At least freakin' McDonald's serves real cinnamon rolls without freakn' raisins!"
The Fart Ingredient
"I don't like kidney beans except in chili."
"I don't even really like them in chili. I'd rather have pintos in everything."
Oh thew Crunch...
"Pickles and onion make the best sandwich. I make most of my own pickles from stuff I grow or get from local farms in the fall, but I responded to another comment with two different heinous concoctions I enjoy. Crunchy, salty, sour. I really like pickles and onions to begin with."
"I use more than pickled cucumber though. Like the last one I made, I used garlic naan, mayo, red onion, scallions, pickled garlic, green olives, Kalamata olives, garlic dill cucumber, and green beans. Shallot, sour pickled onion, sweet pickled cucumbers, and sushi ginger on sprouted 14 grain bread is also also a favorite of mine."
No Sizzle
bacon GIFGiphy"I do not like bacon."
"I've been learning this over the years. If I'm gonna do bacon I much prefer the maple bacon since it's sweeter and doesn't overpower with saltiness."
- truije15
Who doesn't like bacon? That seems like a sacrilege. Right? But to each their own. Though I will never understand not loving walnuts in comfort food. Y'all need more self love.
Love the Big M
"Fast food tastes amazing, yeah its unhealthy as hell but don't you sit there and lie and say it tastes bad."
"Pisses me off when people act like they're better then McDonald's. What the hell? McDonald's is incredible and billions of people buy their food still. The same can't be said for other restaurants."
Blasphemy!
golden girls flirting GIF by HULUGiphy"Cheesecake is disgusting."
"I don't find cheese cake disgusting. It looks good. Smell delicious. Has ingredients in it that I love. But i can not eat more than one bite. It is too rich. One bite and i feel sick."
Too Many Legs
"Lobsters and crabs are giant insects."
"I don't really think that's that controversial, in my area of the world we even call this creature a 'Moreton Bay Bug' even though some fisheries try to give it the more appealing name of 'flathead lobster'."
bad bones
"Boneless wings are vastly superior to bone-in wings. I think bone-in wings are a ripoff because when you get half a pound of them, part of that half-pound is inedible. It's like if you ordered a quarter-pound cheeseburger, but the restaurant considers the weight of the plate to be part of that quarter-pound and you end up with just a slider. Just give me some damn meat."
The Slime
man oyster GIFGiphy"Oysters are truly disgusting and absurdly overpriced for quarter sized pieces of snot that tastes like salt water and hot sauce."
- C_23_s
Ok, I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want to judge. But some of these opinions... are leaving me shook. Except the oysters. That is that work of the devil. Look away...
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