People Share Rock Bottom Moments Where They Decided To Make A Change For The Better
Life can get the better of us sometimes, and it often takes a pretty extreme situation to help us realize it's time to make a change.
Humans are creatures of habit; we sometimes need a different perspective or major situation to help us see our lives how they really are.
*Content Warning: this article contains mentions of suicide, substance use, and abuse*
Reddit user u/oddsalamander asked:
"At what point did you look at yourself or your life and think 'I really need to make a change'?"
50.
I had just finished another really long shift at a restaurant, coming home to a loveless relationship (ex bf was asleep as he usually was by the time I got home,) sat in front of the TV and had my usual breakdown with leftover sushi and a bottle of Asahi. I was working 7 days a week, all shifts at least 10 hours. I had missed out on so many events with friends and haven't seen my family in ages. I was one of three wait staff in an extremely busy sushi restaurant that also did delivery.
I just couldn't do it anymore. It was extremely lonely. I was exhausted.
Did a 3 day teaching course, moved to Austria to get a teaching qualification, travelled the world (including NK. That was weird.) Now back in the UK, about to start a job in IT.
49.
Lying in bed depressed and couldnt sleep. Did only gaming at that time and even that felt dull.
That was 6 years ago. I started a sport (bouldering), got a job in the gym a year later which forced me to speak with people. Finished an apprenticeship as a sports teacher. Started studying nutritional science and got an amazing girlfriend.
48.
It was actually fairly recent, about a month ago. I was sitting on the couch eating junk when I realized I'm never going to look the way I want to if I keep being a lazy bum. The next day I started eating better and trying to exercise a good amount. I've stopped gaining weight and I'm about to start on keto and doing yoga so I can start actually lose weight to work towards being who I want to be.
47.
I saw pictures of myself from a bad angle and realized just how fat I'd gotten. I was so used to seeing myself in a mirror from that one angle, and didn't notice how bad my weight had become. Seeing that different perspective on my body was really jarring.
Buckled down and lost 35 lbs in 3 months. And most importantly, I didn't gain it back! Held obesity off for a year so far!
46.
I was probably 16 and realised how depressed I was for the last year. How I never went out of my room, didn't eat, always tired, always empty. Even vacations didn't make me excited. So I decided that I will pull myself up and did. Now I'm in a happy relationship (just moved in together), got into my dream school and couldn't be happier. I still sometimes fall into a dark place, but I don't allow myself to stay there
45.
I think around 19 or 20. Drinking and blacking out all the time. Smoking and trying so hard to be cool. It also started giving me anxiety.
Realized that I needed to reevaluate myself. Quit drinking and smoking. Focused hard on school and stopped hanging out with my old friends. Now in my final year's of my Ph.D. and feel so much better about myself.
44.
I used to be very into World of Warcraft in high school. I would play whenever I had the opportunity, I would only stop when my parents insisted, and it occupied my thoughts constantly. So at one point, I was given a great housesitting job; I would stay at their house, fully stocked with cereal, cookies, and frozen pizzas, for a week, away from any distractions.
I played nearly twenty four hours a day, I stopped only to eat, sleep, and bathroom. It was about 5 days in when I realized I hadn't showered in the entire time I'd been there, I hadn't eaten a vegetable, and I was wearing nothing but a pair of 3 day old boxers. It was then I realized it was time to pull the plug. I haven't gotten that engrossed in a game ever since, and I shower regularly
43.
Actually less than a month ago. I've always been a semi-athletic person and was always slim and defined. Some backstory: I've been practicing karate from many years, my master have seen me grow in what I am now. 2 years and 4 months ago I started dating a girl and it just seemed like a really stable and loving relationship. About 9 months pass and we have the first big argument over something really stupid but we get over it. But something is changed in both of us. Arguments get a lot more frequent and I start to eat unhealthy foods and stop curing myself.
Another 15 months of relationship pass and we decide to break up. Finally I see the results of 15 months of a toxic relationship. I've gain some weight, lost muscle, have no more energy to train properly and my whole diet is a mess (this of course is combined with the psychological damage).
When I see myself into a mirror I could not believe what I saw. It struck me so much that in less that a week I was already training at my maximum capabilities and completely change my diet. It's been a month now and I'm starting to see results, hopefully when I'll go back at my karate course in September I'll be better than ever.
Sorry for the long story, writing this it's a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you for reading and have a good day
42.
A few weeks ago.
(I've always been healthy, 130lbs active.)
Couple of weeks ago I realised that i had been sitting at a computer everyday for the last 4 years and I weigh 170lbs and essentially live on junk food.
I get overly exhausted from the lightest of exercise. Started going back to the gym and eating right again. Feel abit like a frog on a hot pan, unaware of the damage done because i've become indifferent to the slow change.
It's really tough, and I could only work out for 30 minutes the other day. But I know that in a couple of months I'll be able to workout for over an hour and feel much better for doing it!
41.
I was standing crying in the rain in the middle of the night at 18 years old after I'd moved out while my parents berated me and screamed at me on the phone because my university grades were slipping. And I realized that I never saw anyone else out there being yelled at when I was.
They are no longer part of my life.
40.
Stepped on the scale for the first time in months and saw that I was 208 pounds, the heaviest I've ever been. Looked up my BMI online and sure enough, 208 was obese for my height. I've always been a little heavy, but in the last year I just blew up like a balloon. I started doing keto on June 1 and now I'm down to 186 pounds. I ain't lookin back!
39.
I gave all my time and energy to a job that didn't appreciate it. I have depression & anxiety and work was a decent distraction, but the workload was piling up and I never felt like part of a team. Some of the senior staff were so catty and nasty. I was working overtime to get the never ending to do list finished (because they didn't train anyone else to help with my job) and the next day there was always someone unhappy with something I hadn't done, when I'd done 50 other things that were also 'urgent'. I was exhausted.
Got to the point where I was crying when I got home, and crying in the morning before work, trying to find any excuse not to go. I confided in my manager (who was just an oblivious lump - I have no idea how he ended up a manager) and all he said was "Oh crumbs....I hope you feel better soon". Yeah, no. My notice went in shortly afterwards and I'm now in a much better job that takes my mental health seriously.
38.
Right now, actually. I can't seem to find a job with my current certifications and portfolio, so I think I might have to figure something else out. For reference, I finished my last certification course in September 2018 and have been applying for jobs since. I've had a rare handful of phone interviews, but nothing has ever come from them.
37.
Every couple months since a year after graduating high school. I wasn't a POS, but close. I was a huge jerk for sure, but there wasn't one big moment that made me think about myself and my choices. It just sort of happened one day. I thought about where I was, how disappointed I was, where I wanted to be, and realistically what I had to do to get there.
I think everyone needs to reflect and self evaluate themselves now and then, just to see if you're happy where you are. Whether you're happy or sad, up or down, you can always improve, for your self and the ones you care about. It doesn't necessarily have to be something huge either. Purposeful positive changes no matter how big or small are good for everyone.
Make an effort to give people compliments. If you admire something about someone, tell them. It will make their day if not their week. Small things.
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.
36.
I always asked myself, "why doesn't anyone like me? Why doesn't anyone want to be friends with me?" And then I kinda realized that I was a jerk. I was very cold and showed little to no emotion in front of others, and I was extremely defensive and sensitive. When I finally came to that realization, I was ashamed of myself. I didn't want to be that way, nor did I want others to feel bad about themselves because of the way I acted.
That's when I decided I needed to make a change. I apologized to a lot of people I had mistreated and started working towards being a better person. If you looked back at me from the past, you'd never know I could be capable of being the person I am today. My life has definitely changed for the better since I finally decided to be honest with myself and change.
35.
When I turned 40 I did some soul searching. And SOMEHOW I realized I'm not what I thought I was. I'm actually good Looking. Tall and strong, well built with all my teeth and hair. These are things that I knew, in my head, but didn't feel until that night. Since then.... I've found a new partner who's amazing. Beautiful, supportive, smart, funny. I've started a business that's doing well. I've gotten my finances more or less squared away.
I've done things that I never thought were possible. Singing in front of a crowd. Wrote a book. Built amazing things. And, the other night my girlfriend and I hooked up with a swinger friend and her girlfriend. I've realized that although I've always thought I had bad luck, in actuality...I live a charmed life. And, If I'm honest, I always have.
34.
When I was sitting in a restaurant with my abusive mother for visitation and she kept pushing my buttons to get me to blow up at her in front of the restaurant staff. I ended up walking home in the rain that night, all the while having her tail me and yell from her car to "stop being so unreasonable". On the bright side as I got home, she parked in the driveway and called the police, when the officers showed up they were very understanding and helped calm me down. Never had to go on another visitation after this happened, thanks to the guy who represents minors in court.
33.
When I was really young, I was angry a lot (mostly hormones because I started puberty VERY early). I always had trouble controlling my anger and would hit my sisters if they annoyed me, one day I realised how shorty that was and simply stopped, I would instead leave the room (sometimes they would follow so I would just shut myself in my room) I at one point bruised my knuckles punching a chest of draws in anger, but I haven't hit anybody in years (except in a playful way).
32.
My friend had just betrayed me in a huge way(sabotaged and destroyed a handful of friendships through gossip until one was smart enough to talk to me about what she was saying) while I allowed her to live rent free in my home during her divorce. It was the last straw in a series of dramatic events in our group of friends. I decided this wasn't the lifestyle or social group for me if everyone was so willing to be fickle about loyalties. I left and developed fewer but more meaningful friendships from then on.
31.
The day I realized I'd been living for everyone else's happiness, and hadn't been putting my own happiness as a priority. This was close to 3 years ago.
I've since started grad school (5 classes left!), changed careers and received a promotion, sought therapy and meds for my me talk health, and have eased off contact with family that's been a toxic part of my life. I am the happiest I've ever been, but more importantly, I feel like me, and I feel strong. I love who I've evolved into and I love the family I've curated around me. I don't feel alone anymore, and I feel loved. While some of my curated family is blood (namely my mom), it is mostly made up of people I've met that are genuine and compassionate folks. I adore them all, and as best I can tell, they adore me too.
30.
It was 6am on a Monday. I was unemployed, about to get kicked out of my apartment. All I had was 10 bucks I stole out of my gf's purse. And I had an interview later that day.
I didn't even care. I threw on some dirty clothes and went to the bar down the block— earliest place open near me.
Walked in, bartender's in the can. I thought about raiding the register and just walking out. When she came out I was ashamed.
You know how some bars have that mirror behind the bar? Everything is so much clearer in the light of day. She looks at me and she's like, "really?" (They all know me there.)
I held out the ten nodded. When she turned around I caught my own gaze in the mirror and thought, "this has to change."
She was like, "good luck," and handed me a roll of quarters. Laundry day, amirite?
29.
Mother lost her job at the start of last year. Had a nervous breakdown and fell into depression. I was a 1st year college student, and quickly found a part-time job so we could eat. My life became 24/7 work, school, taking care of her. The thing is, she started drinking and lying in bed all day, every day, and refused any sort of treatment.
It was draining me in every single way imaginable, became antisocial, my grades fell, I got fired from my job. After a year of this I fell into depression as well, at which time my father (my parents are divorced, he lives out of country) stepped in, said this is ridiculous, tried to get her treatment. She refused again, and got insulted that he thought so little of her. Then he just came to me, offered me treatment and said we need to get you a roommate and your own place.
Since I've moved I passed all my exams, got a new GF, and am currently looking for a summer job.
28.
Freshman year of college I joined the karate club, in order to obtain the next rank you need to pass three things, kata, self defense, and sparring. I just got my yellow belt (the order in my style goes white, yellow, orange, green, purple, brown, and black) and was testing for orange.
Well you know about the freshman 15? I gained 25 pounds since starting, and I was already overweight to start, and sparring consists of fighting consistently for about 2 minutes. I finished kata and self defense and was about to start sparring, I was already exhausted. After just one minute I couldn't breathe, I was hyperventilating. I managed to pass my test and swore I never wanted to be that unhealthy again.
J lost almost 50 pounds since then from joining weight watchers, I'm testing for my purple belt, and now I can spare for about. 6-7 minutes without a break.
27.
Let's just say that it was a gradual realization that, no matter how many people I would talk to, that I still had no friends. No one REALLY cared about me outside of wherever I met them. So I had to start changing my way of staying in my own head and reading too much and not doing anything at home. It's been a gradual change but I'm starting to building up a social life after years of not having one.
26.
I was unhappy with my weight for a while but never was motivated to fix it. Then my first baby died after I delivered at nearly 24 weeks. I was close to dying from severe preeclampsia, but they were able to save me. He was so behind in his growth they couldn't help him.
10 weeks after he passed I got up, literally looked in the mirror and decided to take control. Preeclampsia can have lasting effects on your overall health and being overweight/obese is a risk factor to develop it in future pregnancies. I want to be as healthy as I can be for my family, and make the most of the second chance the doctors gave me.
40 pounds down and I'm pregnant again. Cross your fingers for me.
25.
Waking up with drugs I didn't remember buying, with the an awful booze hangover. Thinking about all the awful stuff I could remember doing that night/morning, the look on my friends face when I said I was going to join others and keep partying. Then doing a line to try and kill the hangover.
Sitting there, feeling the same shame I felt every morning- that heavy cloud of anxiety, disappointment, and unhappiness.
Happily sober for almost two years now.
24.
Friday morning. I woke up with a lacerated ear, a black eye, and a hairline fracture in my right wrist. According to friends, I didn't make it out of the doorway of the place where we were drinking. It's neither my first blackout, nor the first time I was injured during one (cracked my head on two separate occasions DUI on a bicycle), but I have come to terms with the fact that my alcohol tolerance has dramatically decreased in the last few years. It would be a preposterous lie if I said I'd quit cold-turkey, but it is evident that I must endeavor to drink less in the interest of survival.
23.
After my first wife died, I spent a lot of time with her family and especially her sister (long story). About the one year mark I come to the realization that I didn't see myself "moving on" as I should have been. Mainly because I was still spending about much time with her family (75% with the sister) as my own family. I constantly reminded of the life I had and lost and by being with that situation, it was never going to let me move on.
I had plans to "take a break" from her family but the drama with the sister accelerated them leaving my life. After that and the dust settled, I moved on, met the next love of my life and we are engaged. I haven't spoke to anyone in that family in a few years.
22.
When I realised that I was worthy of having a fulfilling life.
I suffered from anorexia from the age of 12-20 and spent the entirety of high school on the verge of fainting. I was scared of absolutely everything from food, sitting, social gatherings, travel, family dinners, events you name it. Any situation that compromised my sense of control was traumatizing. I went to therapy for most of that period, but that was when my parents forced me to.
I was completely closed off and took nothing from the sessions because I truly wanted to remain sick. When I finally decided I wanted to take the leap towards a life resembling happiness that is when things began to slowly change. Today I am 22, have a full time job and great relationships with my body and those around me. I am soo much more flexible and able to adapt to new situations. I still struggle from time to time, but I am now equipped with the tools to combat those fears and life a well balanced and healthy life.
21.
When I stopped my bike in the middle of the freeway at midnight coming off of a brutally hard shift at a job I hate and contemplated whether or not I wanted to die right there and then.
Also known as yesterday...
It's scary to suddenly contemplate suicide when you're in a bad place both mentally and physically. I didn't realise how messed up I've been feeling for the past three years until I looked at the darkness and felt that I didn't want to see the light anymore.
I'm handing in my two-weeks-notice on Friday.
20.
It took a lot of mess ups, A LOT. And every time I kept saying "that's it, I can't keep doing this. It's time to make a change" and a few weeks later i was still doing the same behavior.
I don't know what finally did it but I was finally able to say "don't stay out at a bar till 4am. Don't involve yourself with dangerous activity. Don't be a stupid jerk" and I got my life back in order. It's still a struggle because I constantly panic myself over the consequences of my behavior catching up with me, like I feel like I deserve to be punished for it or something, but I've stopped acting the way I used to. And that's a step.
19.
This actually happened to me a couple days ago. I have been going through a low period in my life. I am close to flunking out of college, have lied to many people, am not mature or independent at all. I hated myself (And still do to an extent). I was tuning my friend in on my life and talking to her about some things I was bottling up. When I told her that I did not know what exactly I wanted to do with my future, she made me write out my life goals and how I was going to achieve them
I had realized many times in the past that "I really need to be better and make changes", but yesterday... I really felt like I had to change. As I was writing these goals down and how I was going to achieve them, I realized these goals are going to be difficult to achieve. It will require lots of discipline, time, work, and mental strength. For the first time, however, I genuinely felt that I could achieve those goals and come out on the other side a completely different and mature person who I love. i can feel the happiness, thirst for improvement, and positivity flowing through me. I am hopeful and not scared anymore. I'm going to go out and slam dunk those goals!
18.
I used to be a MEGA pessimist with depression. Like seriously even the most jovial things were easily malleable into something negative. I always found a way. Not only did people hate me for it, I began to literally hate myself. I'd go back and forth in my head telling myself to shut up for once and think more positively. My pessimism and depression has lessened alot since then. I'm actual hopeful and open-minded now.
17.
I found out 4 yrs back that my bio dad has diabetes and about a year back he lost his vision due to it. A few months back found out that my mom has diabetes too. I don't have diabetes but I'm what doctors call morbidly obese and weigh 320 lbs. I'm also visually impaired. About a week back I decided it's time for a change, I don't want to die when I'm 40. I'm 28 now. I think I have time to make that change. I asked my doctor for a referral to a weight management clinic and for which I've an appointment mid-August.
16.
I had to have emergency surgery because I had a ectopic pregnancy. I would have bled out if I hadn't had surgery on time. I'm 30, overweight, didn't finish college and have a job I'm doing just to survive because I'm broke af. After a good look at my life I signed up for business school, I weigh 16 kg lighter(have 14kg more to go) and have a brighter future ahead.
15.
After my ex & I split after 5 years. We moved to a different location to start our lives together only for that to end & in the process I didn't realize until after the break up and being single that I was pretty depressed and felt held down in that relationship. The relationship ended on a good note but I realized how much of myself I had lost/given up and I pretty much made a vow to myself to think clearer and to not put myself in a position where I am not okay if this other person decides to leave my life. All in all, I feel wiser & I love myself more bc of it.
14.
I was in an abusive relationship and had wanted to leave it for months, but one day I had an epiphany when watching Requiem For A Dream (I figured that if I kept going as I was, I'd be miserable forever, so I should change my life - unlike how the characters in the film didn't do that and then succumbed).
Few days later, I left the girl (after 10 months together) and never looked back. I've been single since, but I've been so much happier. I didn't realise how much my mental health would improve.
13.
I was drafted out of the coal mines. I did my dozen as a rifleman in the Vietnam boonies. Picked up some quality PTSD. I was discharged and home for a week before I showed up at the mine looking for my job back. The man said, "Sign here and we'll have you back in a week."
My family has been mining coal for 225 years. I looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you, but I don't think so."
12.
My 24th birthday. I got blackout drunk and did a whole bunch of blow at the local dive bar with "friends" (people who were around because I had coke). One of them gave me a ride back home and the following day I had my parents give me a ride to go get my car. As they drove off, I found myself clawing the little rocks and flakes of coke from the carpet of my car, that I sloppily dropped the night before, and gumming them in some vein hope of not feeling like shit.
As I lit a cigarette and the crisp morning light shined through the windshield into my squinted, droopy eyes I knew it was time for a drastic change.
So I did, I haven't touched any kind of uppers since then. I bought a new car, moved out of my parents into my own one bedroom apartment, and even quit smoking. I cannot say that I miss the way I used to live at all.
11.
I was suffering from severe bullying and decided to cut contact with all of social media until I felt like I was safe to use it. This was multiple years ago and I haven't suffered any bullying since. Back when I was young, I had no friends and didn't believe anyone truly considered me important. Today, I know who my friends are and although I'm currently on a break from social media again (not from bullying, I am trying to sort my life out whilst it is pretty chaos). I'm hoping to meetup with them in the near future and fulfill my hopes of becoming a more social person, something that each of them want from me.
10.
I was in a really bad spot in life, beginning to wonder what the point of it all was but realizing my thinking was getting a bit dangerous. I went through my text messages to find someone to try to talk things through with and realized I didn't have a single person I could reach out to for help anymore. All of my text messages for the three years I had my new phone had been work related. It made me realize that I wasn't doing anyone any favors killing myself with a job. You have to learn to balance things or you'll lose everything that makes life worth living in the first place.
9.
After the mother of my child cheated on me and left me with full custody I was not about to let her feel like she got the better deal by leaving. So I got on anti depressants and made such intense lifestyle changes that I was among the most toned and appropriately muscular people I knew. Along with that I finished my undergrad and now am nearly finished the equivalent of a masters degree, all while raising our kid without her. It all comes from that point of thinking "I want you to regret robbing my child of a mother". Revenge bod is good but I went full revenge life on her.
8.
First time: When I woke up naked, in a backyard koi pond, in a neighborhood I had never been in, without any belongings.
Shortly after the koi pond incident: Woke up in the middle of the woods. Luckily found my cell phone nearby. Friend figured out where I was and came to get me. Both times I ended up in a place without my car. Finding it was tough.
I quit doing drugs and stopped drinking after that and got help for my CPTSD. I tell people that I was lucky that I didn't end up dead in a ditch somewhere. They think I'm joking...but I'm not. Childhood trauma will try and kill you as an adult.
7.
The day my now ex-husband and I started a verbal argument and I saw that each of my three kids had picked up something to use as a weapon to defend me, in case he got rough with me. That broke my heart and I knew it was time for a change.
6.
I was working in a restaurant and they were rolling out this fancy new menu so for 2 weeks they had us all come in every evening to try the food with wine pairings. I'm not sure how it happened exactly but we ended up taking the excuse to all go out together after. So for 2 weeks we had our tastings and then went and partied together.
Before then my whole world was the guy I was dating and the friends we shared. These two weeks messed my head up real bad. People were nice to me, they wanted me around, they wanted me to participate. They laughed at jokes and sincerely listened if the chats got serious.
They were essentially strangers and they treated me better than anyone in my life ever had. And my god... I was happy. Do you have any idea what it feels like to realize what happiness truly feels like? When you haven't felt it in years?
2 weeks later I left my bf at the time. My "friends" decided that made me a bad person. So I cut them out too. I cut out my family as well, cause screw being their scapegoat.
I didn't just jump to the new friends either. I'm now married to one, and another I call my "music mom" but I didn't jump right in to it. I had finally realized I hated myself and that was wrong. I went all on hermit for a bit and got therapy and got my life together.
Then I rebuilt, and even though you can't escape struggles or the the mental illnesses I have my life is infinitely better. It's not even worth comparing.
5.
I woke up naked in a bathtub. Not knowing how I got home, how I got naked, or why the shower was running and pleading with myself. "I dont want to be my parents."
I called the suicide hotline, told them. I am not suicidal but I cannot control my own thoughts. They gave me a list of resources for help in my area and the next morning I called every one. One of them was a non profit and wouldnt cost me much since it was sliding scale fee. I had to get an evaluation done, but in the past I always lied or hid information. I told myself, "not this time." I told them everything.
All the abuse I suffered as a child, physical, mental. The failed murder of myself by my biological grandfather on my mom's side. And more. Spared no details. An hour evaluation turned into 3.5 hours. I was Diagnosised with PTSD and that therapy changed my life. Sure I screwed up a bunch of stuff. But I am much happier now and still mess up. Just not as badly.
4.
At a Denny's.
Late at night I was there with a girl I was pursuing and her friends. One of which sent back a bagel several times for not being toasted enough then being too toasted then being white bread then being not white bread.
The group was about 7 including myself. While the girl I was pursuing was amazing herself her friends were obnoxious but I had typically chalked that up to being youthful, it takes all types, various other excuses, but that bagel situation made the scales from my eyes fall away.
I was suddenly aware of just how loud our group was, how the servers avoided us, how rude the group was openly and loudly complaining of "such bad service." I started evaluating what it was I was doing and if this was a path I wanted to go down.
I gradually faded out of the girls life, I didn't want to be confrontational and don't think it's right to use ultimatums of "your friends or me" at that time.
There was another more personal experience that happened a bit later that only further confirmed my decision was the right one.
3.
I had to crawl literally crawl over a mountain of trash and clothes the same size as my bed, if not bigger to go to sleep. Half of my king size bed was full of trash. Roaches started showing up. For weeks, I let them crawl on me. I was so depressed and immobilized, I couldn't even care about roaches crawling all over my body. Remembering that time makes me want to throw up. I'm glad to say I'm somewhere else now doing much, much better.
For perspective, during this low, low time I was an attractive, fit commercial model. My nails and hair were always done. I didn't smell. I did not look like who someone would imagine slept in roaches. Mental illness does not discriminate, nor does it have a look. Sometimes it doesn't even change your appearance. We really have no idea what others are going through.
2.
When I met a transgender woman in Colorado who was confident, happy and successful, and realised that I couldn't be any of those things if I was lying to myself about who I was.
Two days later she helped me come out of the closet.
So yeah that was how I started this month.
1.
When I stopped my bike in the middle of the freeway at midnight coming off of a brutally hard shift at a job I hate and contemplated whether or not I wanted to die right there and then.
Also known as yesterday...
It's really scary to suddenly contemplate suicide when you're in a bad place both mentally and physically. I didn't realise how messed up I've been feeling for the past three years until I looked at the darkness and felt that I didn't want to see the light anymore.
I'm handing in my two-weeks-notice on Friday.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Transgender people can get help through the Trans Lifeline at https://www.translifeline.org/ or call US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.