Life can get the better of us sometimes, and it often takes a pretty extreme situation to help us realize it's time to make a change.
Humans are creatures of habit; we sometimes need a different perspective or major situation to help us see our lives how they really are.
*Content Warning: this article contains mentions of suicide, substance use, and abuse*
Reddit user u/oddsalamander asked:
I had just finished another really long shift at a restaurant, coming home to a loveless relationship (ex bf was asleep as he usually was by the time I got home,) sat in front of the TV and had my usual breakdown with leftover sushi and a bottle of Asahi. I was working 7 days a week, all shifts at least 10 hours. I had missed out on so many events with friends and haven't seen my family in ages. I was one of three wait staff in an extremely busy sushi restaurant that also did delivery.
I just couldn't do it anymore. It was extremely lonely. I was exhausted.
Did a 3 day teaching course, moved to Austria to get a teaching qualification, travelled the world (including NK. That was weird.) Now back in the UK, about to start a job in IT.
Lying in bed depressed and couldnt sleep. Did only gaming at that time and even that felt dull.
That was 6 years ago. I started a sport (bouldering), got a job in the gym a year later which forced me to speak with people. Finished an apprenticeship as a sports teacher. Started studying nutritional science and got an amazing girlfriend.
It was actually fairly recent, about a month ago. I was sitting on the couch eating junk when I realized I'm never going to look the way I want to if I keep being a lazy bum. The next day I started eating better and trying to exercise a good amount. I've stopped gaining weight and I'm about to start on keto and doing yoga so I can start actually lose weight to work towards being who I want to be.
I saw pictures of myself from a bad angle and realized just how fat I'd gotten. I was so used to seeing myself in a mirror from that one angle, and didn't notice how bad my weight had become. Seeing that different perspective on my body was really jarring.
Buckled down and lost 35 lbs in 3 months. And most importantly, I didn't gain it back! Held obesity off for a year so far!
I was probably 16 and realised how depressed I was for the last year. How I never went out of my room, didn't eat, always tired, always empty. Even vacations didn't make me excited. So I decided that I will pull myself up and did. Now I'm in a happy relationship (just moved in together), got into my dream school and couldn't be happier. I still sometimes fall into a dark place, but I don't allow myself to stay there
I think around 19 or 20. Drinking and blacking out all the time. Smoking and trying so hard to be cool. It also started giving me anxiety.
Realized that I needed to reevaluate myself. Quit drinking and smoking. Focused hard on school and stopped hanging out with my old friends. Now in my final year's of my Ph.D. and feel so much better about myself.
I used to be very into World of Warcraft in high school. I would play whenever I had the opportunity, I would only stop when my parents insisted, and it occupied my thoughts constantly. So at one point, I was given a great housesitting job; I would stay at their house, fully stocked with cereal, cookies, and frozen pizzas, for a week, away from any distractions.
I played nearly twenty four hours a day, I stopped only to eat, sleep, and bathroom. It was about 5 days in when I realized I hadn't showered in the entire time I'd been there, I hadn't eaten a vegetable, and I was wearing nothing but a pair of 3 day old boxers. It was then I realized it was time to pull the plug. I haven't gotten that engrossed in a game ever since, and I shower regularly
Actually less than a month ago. I've always been a semi-athletic person and was always slim and defined. Some backstory: I've been practicing karate from many years, my master have seen me grow in what I am now. 2 years and 4 months ago I started dating a girl and it just seemed like a really stable and loving relationship. About 9 months pass and we have the first big argument over something really stupid but we get over it. But something is changed in both of us. Arguments get a lot more frequent and I start to eat unhealthy foods and stop curing myself.
Another 15 months of relationship pass and we decide to break up. Finally I see the results of 15 months of a toxic relationship. I've gain some weight, lost muscle, have no more energy to train properly and my whole diet is a mess (this of course is combined with the psychological damage).
When I see myself into a mirror I could not believe what I saw. It struck me so much that in less that a week I was already training at my maximum capabilities and completely change my diet. It's been a month now and I'm starting to see results, hopefully when I'll go back at my karate course in September I'll be better than ever.
Sorry for the long story, writing this it's a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you for reading and have a good day
A few weeks ago.
(I've always been healthy, 130lbs active.)
Couple of weeks ago I realised that i had been sitting at a computer everyday for the last 4 years and I weigh 170lbs and essentially live on junk food.
I get overly exhausted from the lightest of exercise. Started going back to the gym and eating right again. Feel abit like a frog on a hot pan, unaware of the damage done because i've become indifferent to the slow change.
It's really tough, and I could only work out for 30 minutes the other day. But I know that in a couple of months I'll be able to workout for over an hour and feel much better for doing it!
I was standing crying in the rain in the middle of the night at 18 years old after I'd moved out while my parents berated me and screamed at me on the phone because my university grades were slipping. And I realized that I never saw anyone else out there being yelled at when I was.
They are no longer part of my life.
Stepped on the scale for the first time in months and saw that I was 208 pounds, the heaviest I've ever been. Looked up my BMI online and sure enough, 208 was obese for my height. I've always been a little heavy, but in the last year I just blew up like a balloon. I started doing keto on June 1 and now I'm down to 186 pounds. I ain't lookin back!
I gave all my time and energy to a job that didn't appreciate it. I have depression & anxiety and work was a decent distraction, but the workload was piling up and I never felt like part of a team. Some of the senior staff were so catty and nasty. I was working overtime to get the never ending to do list finished (because they didn't train anyone else to help with my job) and the next day there was always someone unhappy with something I hadn't done, when I'd done 50 other things that were also 'urgent'. I was exhausted.
Got to the point where I was crying when I got home, and crying in the morning before work, trying to find any excuse not to go. I confided in my manager (who was just an oblivious lump - I have no idea how he ended up a manager) and all he said was "Oh crumbs....I hope you feel better soon". Yeah, no. My notice went in shortly afterwards and I'm now in a much better job that takes my mental health seriously.
Right now, actually. I can't seem to find a job with my current certifications and portfolio, so I think I might have to figure something else out. For reference, I finished my last certification course in September 2018 and have been applying for jobs since. I've had a rare handful of phone interviews, but nothing has ever come from them.
Every couple months since a year after graduating high school. I wasn't a POS, but close. I was a huge jerk for sure, but there wasn't one big moment that made me think about myself and my choices. It just sort of happened one day. I thought about where I was, how disappointed I was, where I wanted to be, and realistically what I had to do to get there.
I think everyone needs to reflect and self evaluate themselves now and then, just to see if you're happy where you are. Whether you're happy or sad, up or down, you can always improve, for your self and the ones you care about. It doesn't necessarily have to be something huge either. Purposeful positive changes no matter how big or small are good for everyone.
Make an effort to give people compliments. If you admire something about someone, tell them. It will make their day if not their week. Small things.
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.
I always asked myself, "why doesn't anyone like me? Why doesn't anyone want to be friends with me?" And then I kinda realized that I was a jerk. I was very cold and showed little to no emotion in front of others, and I was extremely defensive and sensitive. When I finally came to that realization, I was ashamed of myself. I didn't want to be that way, nor did I want others to feel bad about themselves because of the way I acted.
That's when I decided I needed to make a change. I apologized to a lot of people I had mistreated and started working towards being a better person. If you looked back at me from the past, you'd never know I could be capable of being the person I am today. My life has definitely changed for the better since I finally decided to be honest with myself and change.
When I turned 40 I did some soul searching. And SOMEHOW I realized I'm not what I thought I was. I'm actually good Looking. Tall and strong, well built with all my teeth and hair. These are things that I knew, in my head, but didn't feel until that night. Since then.... I've found a new partner who's amazing. Beautiful, supportive, smart, funny. I've started a business that's doing well. I've gotten my finances more or less squared away.
I've done things that I never thought were possible. Singing in front of a crowd. Wrote a book. Built amazing things. And, the other night my girlfriend and I hooked up with a swinger friend and her girlfriend. I've realized that although I've always thought I had bad luck, in actuality...I live a charmed life. And, If I'm honest, I always have.
When I was sitting in a restaurant with my abusive mother for visitation and she kept pushing my buttons to get me to blow up at her in front of the restaurant staff. I ended up walking home in the rain that night, all the while having her tail me and yell from her car to "stop being so unreasonable". On the bright side as I got home, she parked in the driveway and called the police, when the officers showed up they were very understanding and helped calm me down. Never had to go on another visitation after this happened, thanks to the guy who represents minors in court.
When I was really young, I was angry a lot (mostly hormones because I started puberty VERY early). I always had trouble controlling my anger and would hit my sisters if they annoyed me, one day I realised how shorty that was and simply stopped, I would instead leave the room (sometimes they would follow so I would just shut myself in my room) I at one point bruised my knuckles punching a chest of draws in anger, but I haven't hit anybody in years (except in a playful way).
My friend had just betrayed me in a huge way(sabotaged and destroyed a handful of friendships through gossip until one was smart enough to talk to me about what she was saying) while I allowed her to live rent free in my home during her divorce. It was the last straw in a series of dramatic events in our group of friends. I decided this wasn't the lifestyle or social group for me if everyone was so willing to be fickle about loyalties. I left and developed fewer but more meaningful friendships from then on.
The day I realized I'd been living for everyone else's happiness, and hadn't been putting my own happiness as a priority. This was close to 3 years ago.
I've since started grad school (5 classes left!), changed careers and received a promotion, sought therapy and meds for my me talk health, and have eased off contact with family that's been a toxic part of my life. I am the happiest I've ever been, but more importantly, I feel like me, and I feel strong. I love who I've evolved into and I love the family I've curated around me. I don't feel alone anymore, and I feel loved. While some of my curated family is blood (namely my mom), it is mostly made up of people I've met that are genuine and compassionate folks. I adore them all, and as best I can tell, they adore me too.
It was 6am on a Monday. I was unemployed, about to get kicked out of my apartment. All I had was 10 bucks I stole out of my gf's purse. And I had an interview later that day.
I didn't even care. I threw on some dirty clothes and went to the bar down the block— earliest place open near me.
Walked in, bartender's in the can. I thought about raiding the register and just walking out. When she came out I was ashamed.
You know how some bars have that mirror behind the bar? Everything is so much clearer in the light of day. She looks at me and she's like, "really?" (They all know me there.)
I held out the ten nodded. When she turned around I caught my own gaze in the mirror and thought, "this has to change."
She was like, "good luck," and handed me a roll of quarters. Laundry day, amirite?
Mother lost her job at the start of last year. Had a nervous breakdown and fell into depression. I was a 1st year college student, and quickly found a part-time job so we could eat. My life became 24/7 work, school, taking care of her. The thing is, she started drinking and lying in bed all day, every day, and refused any sort of treatment.
It was draining me in every single way imaginable, became antisocial, my grades fell, I got fired from my job. After a year of this I fell into depression as well, at which time my father (my parents are divorced, he lives out of country) stepped in, said this is ridiculous, tried to get her treatment. She refused again, and got insulted that he thought so little of her. Then he just came to me, offered me treatment and said we need to get you a roommate and your own place.
Since I've moved I passed all my exams, got a new GF, and am currently looking for a summer job.
Freshman year of college I joined the karate club, in order to obtain the next rank you need to pass three things, kata, self defense, and sparring. I just got my yellow belt (the order in my style goes white, yellow, orange, green, purple, brown, and black) and was testing for orange.
Well you know about the freshman 15? I gained 25 pounds since starting, and I was already overweight to start, and sparring consists of fighting consistently for about 2 minutes. I finished kata and self defense and was about to start sparring, I was already exhausted. After just one minute I couldn't breathe, I was hyperventilating. I managed to pass my test and swore I never wanted to be that unhealthy again.
J lost almost 50 pounds since then from joining weight watchers, I'm testing for my purple belt, and now I can spare for about. 6-7 minutes without a break.
Let's just say that it was a gradual realization that, no matter how many people I would talk to, that I still had no friends. No one REALLY cared about me outside of wherever I met them. So I had to start changing my way of staying in my own head and reading too much and not doing anything at home. It's been a gradual change but I'm starting to building up a social life after years of not having one.
I was unhappy with my weight for a while but never was motivated to fix it. Then my first baby died after I delivered at nearly 24 weeks. I was close to dying from severe preeclampsia, but they were able to save me. He was so behind in his growth they couldn't help him.
10 weeks after he passed I got up, literally looked in the mirror and decided to take control. Preeclampsia can have lasting effects on your overall health and being overweight/obese is a risk factor to develop it in future pregnancies. I want to be as healthy as I can be for my family, and make the most of the second chance the doctors gave me.
40 pounds down and I'm pregnant again. Cross your fingers for me.
Waking up with drugs I didn't remember buying, with the an awful booze hangover. Thinking about all the awful stuff I could remember doing that night/morning, the look on my friends face when I said I was going to join others and keep partying. Then doing a line to try and kill the hangover.
Sitting there, feeling the same shame I felt every morning- that heavy cloud of anxiety, disappointment, and unhappiness.
Happily sober for almost two years now.
Friday morning. I woke up with a lacerated ear, a black eye, and a hairline fracture in my right wrist. According to friends, I didn't make it out of the doorway of the place where we were drinking. It's neither my first blackout, nor the first time I was injured during one (cracked my head on two separate occasions DUI on a bicycle), but I have come to terms with the fact that my alcohol tolerance has dramatically decreased in the last few years. It would be a preposterous lie if I said I'd quit cold-turkey, but it is evident that I must endeavor to drink less in the interest of survival.
After my first wife died, I spent a lot of time with her family and especially her sister (long story). About the one year mark I come to the realization that I didn't see myself "moving on" as I should have been. Mainly because I was still spending about much time with her family (75% with the sister) as my own family. I constantly reminded of the life I had and lost and by being with that situation, it was never going to let me move on.
I had plans to "take a break" from her family but the drama with the sister accelerated them leaving my life. After that and the dust settled, I moved on, met the next love of my life and we are engaged. I haven't spoke to anyone in that family in a few years.
When I realised that I was worthy of having a fulfilling life.
I suffered from anorexia from the age of 12-20 and spent the entirety of high school on the verge of fainting. I was scared of absolutely everything from food, sitting, social gatherings, travel, family dinners, events you name it. Any situation that compromised my sense of control was traumatizing. I went to therapy for most of that period, but that was when my parents forced me to.
I was completely closed off and took nothing from the sessions because I truly wanted to remain sick. When I finally decided I wanted to take the leap towards a life resembling happiness that is when things began to slowly change. Today I am 22, have a full time job and great relationships with my body and those around me. I am soo much more flexible and able to adapt to new situations. I still struggle from time to time, but I am now equipped with the tools to combat those fears and life a well balanced and healthy life.
When I stopped my bike in the middle of the freeway at midnight coming off of a brutally hard shift at a job I hate and contemplated whether or not I wanted to die right there and then.
Also known as yesterday...
It's scary to suddenly contemplate suicide when you're in a bad place both mentally and physically. I didn't realise how messed up I've been feeling for the past three years until I looked at the darkness and felt that I didn't want to see the light anymore.
I'm handing in my two-weeks-notice on Friday.
It took a lot of mess ups, A LOT. And every time I kept saying "that's it, I can't keep doing this. It's time to make a change" and a few weeks later i was still doing the same behavior.
I don't know what finally did it but I was finally able to say "don't stay out at a bar till 4am. Don't involve yourself with dangerous activity. Don't be a stupid jerk" and I got my life back in order. It's still a struggle because I constantly panic myself over the consequences of my behavior catching up with me, like I feel like I deserve to be punished for it or something, but I've stopped acting the way I used to. And that's a step.
This actually happened to me a couple days ago. I have been going through a low period in my life. I am close to flunking out of college, have lied to many people, am not mature or independent at all. I hated myself (And still do to an extent). I was tuning my friend in on my life and talking to her about some things I was bottling up. When I told her that I did not know what exactly I wanted to do with my future, she made me write out my life goals and how I was going to achieve them
I had realized many times in the past that "I really need to be better and make changes", but yesterday... I really felt like I had to change. As I was writing these goals down and how I was going to achieve them, I realized these goals are going to be difficult to achieve. It will require lots of discipline, time, work, and mental strength. For the first time, however, I genuinely felt that I could achieve those goals and come out on the other side a completely different and mature person who I love. i can feel the happiness, thirst for improvement, and positivity flowing through me. I am hopeful and not scared anymore. I'm going to go out and slam dunk those goals!
I used to be a MEGA pessimist with depression. Like seriously even the most jovial things were easily malleable into something negative. I always found a way. Not only did people hate me for it, I began to literally hate myself. I'd go back and forth in my head telling myself to shut up for once and think more positively. My pessimism and depression has lessened alot since then. I'm actual hopeful and open-minded now.
I found out 4 yrs back that my bio dad has diabetes and about a year back he lost his vision due to it. A few months back found out that my mom has diabetes too. I don't have diabetes but I'm what doctors call morbidly obese and weigh 320 lbs. I'm also visually impaired. About a week back I decided it's time for a change, I don't want to die when I'm 40. I'm 28 now. I think I have time to make that change. I asked my doctor for a referral to a weight management clinic and for which I've an appointment mid-August.
I had to have emergency surgery because I had a ectopic pregnancy. I would have bled out if I hadn't had surgery on time. I'm 30, overweight, didn't finish college and have a job I'm doing just to survive because I'm broke af. After a good look at my life I signed up for business school, I weigh 16 kg lighter(have 14kg more to go) and have a brighter future ahead.
After my ex & I split after 5 years. We moved to a different location to start our lives together only for that to end & in the process I didn't realize until after the break up and being single that I was pretty depressed and felt held down in that relationship. The relationship ended on a good note but I realized how much of myself I had lost/given up and I pretty much made a vow to myself to think clearer and to not put myself in a position where I am not okay if this other person decides to leave my life. All in all, I feel wiser & I love myself more bc of it.
I was in an abusive relationship and had wanted to leave it for months, but one day I had an epiphany when watching Requiem For A Dream (I figured that if I kept going as I was, I'd be miserable forever, so I should change my life - unlike how the characters in the film didn't do that and then succumbed).
Few days later, I left the girl (after 10 months together) and never looked back. I've been single since, but I've been so much happier. I didn't realise how much my mental health would improve.
I was drafted out of the coal mines. I did my dozen as a rifleman in the Vietnam boonies. Picked up some quality PTSD. I was discharged and home for a week before I showed up at the mine looking for my job back. The man said, "Sign here and we'll have you back in a week."
My family has been mining coal for 225 years. I looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you, but I don't think so."
My 24th birthday. I got blackout drunk and did a whole bunch of blow at the local dive bar with "friends" (people who were around because I had coke). One of them gave me a ride back home and the following day I had my parents give me a ride to go get my car. As they drove off, I found myself clawing the little rocks and flakes of coke from the carpet of my car, that I sloppily dropped the night before, and gumming them in some vein hope of not feeling like shit.
As I lit a cigarette and the crisp morning light shined through the windshield into my squinted, droopy eyes I knew it was time for a drastic change.
So I did, I haven't touched any kind of uppers since then. I bought a new car, moved out of my parents into my own one bedroom apartment, and even quit smoking. I cannot say that I miss the way I used to live at all.
I was suffering from severe bullying and decided to cut contact with all of social media until I felt like I was safe to use it. This was multiple years ago and I haven't suffered any bullying since. Back when I was young, I had no friends and didn't believe anyone truly considered me important. Today, I know who my friends are and although I'm currently on a break from social media again (not from bullying, I am trying to sort my life out whilst it is pretty chaos). I'm hoping to meetup with them in the near future and fulfill my hopes of becoming a more social person, something that each of them want from me.
I was in a really bad spot in life, beginning to wonder what the point of it all was but realizing my thinking was getting a bit dangerous. I went through my text messages to find someone to try to talk things through with and realized I didn't have a single person I could reach out to for help anymore. All of my text messages for the three years I had my new phone had been work related. It made me realize that I wasn't doing anyone any favors killing myself with a job. You have to learn to balance things or you'll lose everything that makes life worth living in the first place.
After the mother of my child cheated on me and left me with full custody I was not about to let her feel like she got the better deal by leaving. So I got on anti depressants and made such intense lifestyle changes that I was among the most toned and appropriately muscular people I knew. Along with that I finished my undergrad and now am nearly finished the equivalent of a masters degree, all while raising our kid without her. It all comes from that point of thinking "I want you to regret robbing my child of a mother". Revenge bod is good but I went full revenge life on her.
First time: When I woke up naked, in a backyard koi pond, in a neighborhood I had never been in, without any belongings.
Shortly after the koi pond incident: Woke up in the middle of the woods. Luckily found my cell phone nearby. Friend figured out where I was and came to get me. Both times I ended up in a place without my car. Finding it was tough.
I quit doing drugs and stopped drinking after that and got help for my CPTSD. I tell people that I was lucky that I didn't end up dead in a ditch somewhere. They think I'm joking...but I'm not. Childhood trauma will try and kill you as an adult.
The day my now ex-husband and I started a verbal argument and I saw that each of my three kids had picked up something to use as a weapon to defend me, in case he got rough with me. That broke my heart and I knew it was time for a change.
I was working in a restaurant and they were rolling out this fancy new menu so for 2 weeks they had us all come in every evening to try the food with wine pairings. I'm not sure how it happened exactly but we ended up taking the excuse to all go out together after. So for 2 weeks we had our tastings and then went and partied together.
Before then my whole world was the guy I was dating and the friends we shared. These two weeks messed my head up real bad. People were nice to me, they wanted me around, they wanted me to participate. They laughed at jokes and sincerely listened if the chats got serious.
They were essentially strangers and they treated me better than anyone in my life ever had. And my god... I was happy. Do you have any idea what it feels like to realize what happiness truly feels like? When you haven't felt it in years?
2 weeks later I left my bf at the time. My "friends" decided that made me a bad person. So I cut them out too. I cut out my family as well, cause screw being their scapegoat.
I didn't just jump to the new friends either. I'm now married to one, and another I call my "music mom" but I didn't jump right in to it. I had finally realized I hated myself and that was wrong. I went all on hermit for a bit and got therapy and got my life together.
Then I rebuilt, and even though you can't escape struggles or the the mental illnesses I have my life is infinitely better. It's not even worth comparing.
I woke up naked in a bathtub. Not knowing how I got home, how I got naked, or why the shower was running and pleading with myself. "I dont want to be my parents."
I called the suicide hotline, told them. I am not suicidal but I cannot control my own thoughts. They gave me a list of resources for help in my area and the next morning I called every one. One of them was a non profit and wouldnt cost me much since it was sliding scale fee. I had to get an evaluation done, but in the past I always lied or hid information. I told myself, "not this time." I told them everything.
All the abuse I suffered as a child, physical, mental. The failed murder of myself by my biological grandfather on my mom's side. And more. Spared no details. An hour evaluation turned into 3.5 hours. I was Diagnosised with PTSD and that therapy changed my life. Sure I screwed up a bunch of stuff. But I am much happier now and still mess up. Just not as badly.
At a Denny's.
Late at night I was there with a girl I was pursuing and her friends. One of which sent back a bagel several times for not being toasted enough then being too toasted then being white bread then being not white bread.
The group was about 7 including myself. While the girl I was pursuing was amazing herself her friends were obnoxious but I had typically chalked that up to being youthful, it takes all types, various other excuses, but that bagel situation made the scales from my eyes fall away.
I was suddenly aware of just how loud our group was, how the servers avoided us, how rude the group was openly and loudly complaining of "such bad service." I started evaluating what it was I was doing and if this was a path I wanted to go down.
I gradually faded out of the girls life, I didn't want to be confrontational and don't think it's right to use ultimatums of "your friends or me" at that time.
There was another more personal experience that happened a bit later that only further confirmed my decision was the right one.
I had to crawl literally crawl over a mountain of trash and clothes the same size as my bed, if not bigger to go to sleep. Half of my king size bed was full of trash. Roaches started showing up. For weeks, I let them crawl on me. I was so depressed and immobilized, I couldn't even care about roaches crawling all over my body. Remembering that time makes me want to throw up. I'm glad to say I'm somewhere else now doing much, much better.
For perspective, during this low, low time I was an attractive, fit commercial model. My nails and hair were always done. I didn't smell. I did not look like who someone would imagine slept in roaches. Mental illness does not discriminate, nor does it have a look. Sometimes it doesn't even change your appearance. We really have no idea what others are going through.
When I met a transgender woman in Colorado who was confident, happy and successful, and realised that I couldn't be any of those things if I was lying to myself about who I was.
Two days later she helped me come out of the closet.
So yeah that was how I started this month.
When I stopped my bike in the middle of the freeway at midnight coming off of a brutally hard shift at a job I hate and contemplated whether or not I wanted to die right there and then.
Also known as yesterday...
It's really scary to suddenly contemplate suicide when you're in a bad place both mentally and physically. I didn't realise how messed up I've been feeling for the past three years until I looked at the darkness and felt that I didn't want to see the light anymore.
I'm handing in my two-weeks-notice on Friday.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Transgender people can get help through the Trans Lifeline at https://www.translifeline.org/ or call US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
So I have this concept I call "Emotional Velociraptors" - they're the people that stay in your life testing your fences for weak spots after you've set a boundary.
Rom-coms like to frame it as one person being madly in love and the other just not realizing they're in love yet. It's determination, it's devotion, it's "true love" and so romantic!
Nah, it's totally disregarding your boundaries and your autonomy and collectively can we just ... ya know ... NOT?
Hanging around waiting for someone to be emotionally compromised so you can swoop in and "save the day" with your love is predatory.
"Wearing them down" until they say yes to a date is predatory.
Sabotaging their friendships and other relationships in the hopes that they'll "fall back" to you is predatory.
Not romance. Raptors. Now cut it out!
Reddit user MysteryScallop asked:
"What do people need to stop romanticizing?"
And hey, would you look at the very first response, it's our good friend Rom-coms!
But they're not alone here. This list is full of messiness, take a look.
Rom-Coms Need To Be StoppedBbc Starz GIF by Dublin MurdersGiphy
"People dropping all their own goals and interests for someone else. Yes, the plot of standard rom-com."
"Which brings us to stalking. Also romanticised in rom-coms."
"It's scary how people in these threads I see are sometimes just like 'no this is so romantic' and 'oh look at their relationship progressing' while I'm like 'no wtf?! this is the behavior of a crazy person that I wouldn't want anything to do with in real life ever!' "
"Doesn't just go for stalking, goes for a lot of things really. Rom-coms/dramas etc are good at romanticizing these really weird and super unhealthy things."
"Do you know the series 'You' on Netflix?"
"The protagonist believes he is the hero of a romance. Just watch the trailer, I love it. It's relevant."
Manic Pixie Superpowers?Sarcastic Rose Byrne GIF by Apple TVGiphy
"Mental illness is a serious condition. Having one does not make you cool, unique, or insightful. It's a disaster."
"The people who call ADHD a 'superpower' are just flat out wrong. ADHD is super debilitating overall."
"While there are some things we can do 'better' than people who are neurotypical, overall ADHD is extremely hard to manage and often can destroy a person's home life, school and/or career."
"Things aren't structured for us. At all. It's really hard to function."
"Some individuals go as far as fetishsizing people with mental illness and its disgusting. That Manic Pixie Dream Girl is suffering."
"Some people called my autism a 'superpower' because smart or rich people also have autism and are really successful (Elon musk, Bill gates etc).but their superpower isn't autism, it's being a rich white guy."
"People don't seem to realize what Savant Syndrome is or what privilege is and just believe everyone with a mental illness or disability is some secret untapped genius, which is not the case."
"I don't have a 'superpower' and am not incredibly smart, what is different is my breakdowns which aren't fun believe it or not."
FollowersSocial Media Reaction GIF by TravisGiphy
"I had an acquaintance tell me that he really liked this guy he had gone on a few dates with, but the the guy had less than 1000 Instagram followers, and he saw that as a red flag."
"We were probably 19/20 at the time, in college. This guy was obsessed with social media appearances. He would only post photos of himself with people who he deemed attractive enough."
"Once my roommate, her other friend, him & I all went out. He knew my roommates friend on the same level as me, just acquaintances. No real connection."
"The friend is super pretty; she looks similar to Shay Mitchell."
"He asked to take a photo with her so he could post it on Instagram and didn’t even ask my roommate who he is ACTUALLY friends with or I to get in it LOL."
"HE was definitely the red flag in that relationship."
"Real" Fathersdarth vader father GIF by Star WarsGiphy
"My wife's ex-husband has documented schizophrenia, bi-polar and is a drug addict with a severe alcohol problem. He's also assaulted multiple people and posted pictures/bragged about nearly beating an old man to death at a gas station because he 'talked to his woman.' "
"People liked to romanticize him as just 'protective father.' "
"We lived in absolute fear anytime he got to see the kids. Would they come back with bruises, night-terrors, talking about strange people and places?"
"Or the week-long headaches with their clothes smelling of marijuana and having strange stains on them. What would go wrong this time? Or...would we even see them again?"
"Would he fly off the handle this time and beat or abandon them? Would he do what he's threatened and leave the state?"
"It's absolutely terrifying. The late night/early morning messages that didn't make sense, had him half-naked outside doing God only knows. The video chats of him being drunk or high."
"It took years to get him cut off completely, all due to the f*cking lie that 'children need their "REAL" father.'
F*ck. That. Shit. Sideways."
"No, they don't. Especially not if he's a dangerous maniac and they have a Father (ME) and only wants to love and protect them."
"He wasn't 'protective, he was violent. It cost nearly $10k and took ~5 years but he's finally been cut off."
"It only happened when he tried to break in, armed with a gun, drunk at 3am. He was caught a block away waiting for us to come out."
"Why? To be a real father and 'check on his children... with a loaded gun. The letter he wrote that they confiscated off of him that night really told what he wanted to do."
"We've since moved, and it's taken over a year of no contact for us to finally not be looking over our shoulder every second. Mental illness is awful and the man truly needs to be locked up, away from the general population with long-term care."
Caught Up In The Gameice cube film GIFGiphy
"The 'gangsta' lifestyle and all that it entails."
"I grew up in Oakland and have witnessed far too many of the people I grew with get caught up in the game. Roughly half of the guys from my former neighborhood are either serving life sentences or were killed."
"I grew up in the 80s, but it's even worse now."
"We've been glorifying lawless rebels who make their fortune through strength, cunning, and weapons since the start of time."
"Gangsters are just the modern version of outlaws, bandits, pirates, treasure hunters, and explorers. They answer to no one, they don't take any crap, you don't want to cross them, and the ones we idolize (whether real or fiction) are the ones that do that and succeed."
"We overlook the many, many examples of it being awful and focus on the few that show it being way better than our sh*tty boring, repetitive lives where we lack so much freedom."
Seriously SerialThis Is Weird GIF by Catfish MTVGiphy
"And putting details of what they did all over the media, giving them additional fame. A comic I can't recall the name of said 'I know more about Ted Bundy than I know about my family.' "
"Ted Bundy legit got hundreds of love letters from women in jail. Really strange why women would find a person who specifically murders only women attractive."
"Humans are certainly bizzarre."
"Last podcast on the left does a really good job of showing how these guys are actually just massive losers that turn to killing because it’s the easiest way they can be good at something."
"You can't possibly be a "fan" of any serial killers they talk about, because they make it very clear what pathetic and horrible people they all were."
"I absolutely loved their Charles Manson episodes. 99% of Manson-related media makes him out to be some criminal psychopath mastermind."
"LPOTL makes him out to be a horny little conman troll who had no f*cking clue what he was doing and made a bunch of choices out of sheer panic or stupidity. There's no glamour there."
It's Just A JobTired Presidential Debate GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
"My coworkers tend to make it a competition to see who can make the most sacrifices for their career. Who puts in the most overtime hours? Who does things off the clock for work more? Etc"
"It's bullsh*t. I have a life and a family I want to prioritize."
"Saying that you work a lot isn't the flex most people think it is. Unless you're rich or you work for yourself, you're basically admitting that you're sacrificing your life for someone else's gain."
"I can see when everyone on my team logs in and out."
"It's super common for people to start working at 4-5am and stay on until 10-11pm. I see work getting submitted at 2am. I see people logging on during weekends."
"One person even worked on Thanksgiving."
"It's like they don't know how to occupy themselves if they're not doing their job."
Hot People Can Be Evilbella swan twilight GIFGiphy
"Attractive people doing harmful things."
"People shouldn't get a pass to do toxic and rude things simply because they're attractive. Why do I see serial killers and toxic partners get romanticized simply because they're hot?"
"Why does that make their horrible actions somehow badass and charismatic??"
"Back when the Boston marathon bombing happened one of my friends on Facebook started posting a bunch of pictures of one of the bombers, talking about how she would have dreams about him and how obsessed she was with him."
"I straight up blocked her after the second or third time because I couldn't get over how messed up that was. Dude killed and maimed multiple people, his objective attractiveness became absolutely null at that point."
"Ugh Twilight absolutely romanticizes this!"
"It's NOT ROMANTIC that a guy breaks into your bedroom at night and watches you sleep. It's not suddenly less terrifying because he is hot."
Yanderemirai nikki gasai yuno GIFGiphy
"In the anime community, can we please stop with the premise of a 'Yandere,' where someone is so obsessed with someone that they'd go out of their way to hurt other people that person falls in love with."
"I once had a girlfriend in college tell me entirely seriously that she had killed someone before and would physically harm the person I went out with if I ever went out with someone else."
"It was terrifying. It led to me having a fight with another close friend before finally mustering the courage to break off the relationship."
"She's been out of my life for three years but she still causes me issues with relationships to this day (for a few other reasons as well)."
"Not once did I think it was hot to have her earnestly threaten someone else. F*ck that."
It's Not OrganizationSobbing Jamie Lee Curtis GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"It’s not quirky or funny when I’m late for work because I had to back upstairs to check that the gas stove is off for the fifteenth time because I can’t stop envisioning the whole building blowing up."
"I literally stand frozen to the spot trying to fight the urge to go back when I KNOW I CHECKED but the intrusive thoughts are too upsetting to deal with."
"OCD isn’t being cute and quirky organized."
"For me its believing that people will die if I don’t check again. Again. No again."
"Even if it hurts me. Again."
"I watched a TV series called Whitechapel where the main detective has OCD. There’s a scene of him flicking his office light switch off and on repeatedly whilst screaming his head off desperately wanting to stop."
"That is exactly what it feels like for me."
"Howie Mandel talked about this on Conan's podcast the other week."
"As an example, he said he'd miss business meetings getting stuck in a loop of checking that the front door was locked for hours."
What does it say about us as people that almost all of these were related to the ways we glamorize our own destruction?
I know I came hard for rom-coms at the beginning, but let's be honest this list is kind of disturbing. What's more, I'm sure you all have things you could add here.
So let's talk about them. What dangerously romanticized thing would you add to the list?
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I love movies. Who doesn't?
Film has been leaving an impression on our lives for over a century.
Some of the things we remember most are the images. The shots that seem otherworldly.
How does the director and the DP figure it all out? How do they see the colors?
I've seen some shots that have left me breathless.
It's all genius.
Redditor dilapidatedbunghole wanted to talk about the beauty of cinema, by asking:
"What is the most aesthetically pleasing movie you've ever seen?"
'American Beauty,' that was the first film I truly began to appreciate the aesthetic of cinema. The roses, the reds, the blues, and how it was all married... brilliant!
Brillianttim blake nelson water GIFGiphy
"'Oh Brother Where Art Thou,' it was just so visually unique and the slightly aged color tinting with the old music worked together so well." ~ educatedpotato1
"The Fall was gorgeous. For clarification, the 2006 movie "The Fall.'" ~ savantard
"This is one of my secret favorite movies. I say 'secret' because most people have never heard of it and it's criminally overlooked. Gorgeously shot, and a beautiful story to boot." ~ Schneetmacher
"For anyone who doesn't know, Tarsem Singh, the director, did both 'The Fall 'and T'he Cell.' Even though it only got one season (a tragedy), I recommend NBC's Emerald City to anyone who enjoys Tarsem's work. He directed every episode. A lot of beautiful costumes on that show." ~ die-squith
"Kubo and the Two Strings was a beautiful movie, visually and musically." ~ drawfanstein
"I think it didn’t get the recognition it deserved because a lot of people found the storyline lacking in comparison to the other movies studio laika produced. But the movie was seriously stunning and definitely in the lead for most beautiful (Coraline is the runner-up imo)." ~ Lihork
"'The Secret of Kells.' Everything by Cartoon Saloon is absolutely beautiful, but this one also has the perfect match of subject matter and art style." ~ Murgatroyd314
"I like to describe the art/animation style as 'Genndy Tartakovsky on mushrooms, possessed by a monk's ghost.' Even when not on psychedelics I weep with both joy and sadness at multiple points in the film because of how much emotion the mise-en-scene is able to evoke." ~ I_Do_Not_Abbreviate
The Flowaudrey tautou amelie breaks the 4th wall GIF by MauditGiphy
"Amélie. The color scheme is warm and welcoming, the storyline flows beautifully, and the soundtrack is brilliant and whimsical, not to mention how talented each actor is. This is my favorite movie." ~ ItStillIsntLupus
My movie bucket list is growing. There is clearly much to study.
Long and Sandytrue detective desert GIFGiphy
"'Laurence of Arabia.' I don’t care for long movies or deserts, and it’s still just very pretty." ~ akaCatt
"'The good, the bad and the ugly' is a strangely beautiful movie." ~ tsaroz
"A lot of the old spaghetti westerns are beautifully shot. And the pacing is tightly controlled to make sure you experience it. Watching these movies in my 40s when I'm more patient is a much different experience than when I was a kid and bored waiting for the gunfights." ~ allboolshite
Sing 2 Me
"Song of the sea." ~ KiviRinne
"Scrolled way too far to find a Cartoon Saloon movie. Everyones mentioning Ghibli, and they're not wrong to do so. But Cartoon Saloon is criminally underrated. 'Secret of Kells, Song of the Sea, and Wolfwalkers.' Some of the most visually beautiful films on the planet." ~TheBlueHeron
In the Woods
"1917 was really nice, even though it was mostly bland brown colors for the majority but the scene in croisilles wood with Jos Slovik singing 'poor wayfairing stranger' is probably my favourite cinematographic moment in film." ~ ravioli_knight2
"The French town at night is my favorite part of that film shot-wise. Flares illuminating the ruins, the glow of burning buildings, shadows everywhere, and one small little fire-lit enclave where a hapless civilian still resides." ~ Metlman13
"This was the movie that popped into my head first. It was so well done, and even though the colors are all similar, the lighting, angle of the shot, and noise/lack of noise all made it so pleasant to watch. Especially being filmed to look like a one-shot movie, it just kept me on the edge of my seat and all the more wrapped up in the cinematography." ~ anony_moose9889
"Annihilation is very unsettlingly pretty." ~ Weirdguy149
"The strange beauty is one of the best aspects of the movie. It gives 'The Shimmer 'this sort of 'devil-may-care' personality. The mutations occur in whatever way it seems necessary in each life form. On one hand you get these beautiful deer-like creatures with flowering branches for antlers. On the other hand." — Screambear.
I love movies. And I'm glad I'm not alone. Tell me more... what else should we be watching?
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How high was God or whoever when they designed the human body? Clearly they needed a crash course in anatomy.
The body is amazing and resilient, but it can also be a hot mess.
Why are so many areas susceptible to pain? Like, one bad fall on a knee and you could be hobbled for life.
They should be more bulletproof. And the eyes, why so fragile when a wild eyelash gets caught in a blink?
So many questions. If the body was intended to last ten decades or so, it should be a bit more bionic.
Redditor MrBowls wanted to get into details about anatomy and it's issues, they asked:
"What’s the worst designed part of the human body?"
I have pain everywhere. Just because I'm not twenty anymore doesn't mean my body gets to just give in. I know I could help more with that issue, but I feel like my design should be more automatically durable.
Murderersseason 5 GIFGiphy
"Honestly our appendixes try to kill us too often. Something ain’t right with it." ~ moonbarrow
"The sciatic nerve routing. Going through the periformis muscle was a bad idea." ~ Sleepdprived
"Just FYI: actually passing through the muscle is an anatomical variant. For the majority of people, the nerve just travels alongside the muscle. Still, that variant is a... uh, pain in the butt." ~ EauEwe
"I'm currently experiencing sciatica right now. It's a nerve being pinched by your spine or muscle in the lower back. The best way I can explain is like a scalpel scraping off your bone marrow throughout your entire leg 24/7."
"It's physically and mentally excruciating so much so that people who suffer from it would rather have their entire leg amputated than live through it. And the thing is this is not an uncommon medical condition. Since the cause is usually a spinal injury, it takes way longer to recover than other injuries, so you're pretty much sleep deprived and exhausted from the pain at every moment until it resides. I'm 25 right now and my first sciatic episode started when I was 21" ~ psyatica
"Teeth, one set while we're a child, one set for 60/70 years." ~ godca_grema
"Meanwhile sharks, the lucky bastards, just keep growing new teeth." ~ XxsquirrelxX
"We used to call my brother Shark Boy growing up. That dude had LAYERS of teeth. He had one tooth that grew in the roof of his mouth."
"He also had teeth growing sideways in his gums which torqued his other teeth. It took 2.5 years to get him prepped for orthodontics and then he was in braces for another 5 years after that. Worth it though, he looks like a Colgate commercial now." ~ justuselotion
"The ear. Eyes have eyelids, you can close your mouth, but if there’s an extremely loud noise, your ear drum has to just take it and be irreversibly ruined." ~ sicknessandpurgatory
"Well technically there is a muscle that can tighten your ear to prevent damage from extreme noise, it’s the same reason you don’t hear yourself chew. Some new cars will make a sound to trigger this muscle to prevent hearing loss from the noise of an accident." ~ engineer_doc
HeeledSoccer Celebrate GIF by Indiana HoosiersGiphy
"Achilles tendon. Single point of vulnerability that has no bone sheath and will absolutely cripple you if it's f**ked with." ~ Torvaun
Why do we have an appendix? And why is it a ticking time bomb? All good questions.
SIT!Cat Dancing GIF by TikTokGiphy
"A bony butt! It actually hurts to sit still." ~ thatluckyfox
"The elbow. Why the f**k is there a nerve that's so exposed, when you hit it at just the right spot it sends a jolt down your arm?!" ~ hikoboshi_sama
"It’s not just one nerve. You’re talking about the brachial plexus. It’s a bundle of nerves that come from your spine and innervates all the muscles in your arm. That’s why stingers hurt so much, it’s taking out every nerve."
"It’s also a good site for nerve blocks when you have upper limb surgery because you can disable the arm and reduce post operative pain by applying anaesthesia around the nerve roots. Also, in the case of brachial plexus avulsions, you lose all function permanently. And on that note, nerve injuries are freaking crap. We should be able to regenerate them more easily and quickly." ~ ShibuRigged
"Knees are a good idea, but needed a bit more R&D before being rolled out." ~ ChampionshipMission
"Came here to say this. Have you ever seen a child try to make a spaceship or a suit of armor out of cardboard, but they don't have enough cardboard and none of the pieces really fit together anyway, so they end up lashing it together with dozens of strips of tape at every possible angle until it just barely holds together? That's knees. That's how your knees are made." ~ DerCatzefragger
"Having sharpened rocks that slowly push their way through the sensitive gums of tiny humans who are too small to understand or explain the reason for their incessant crying. Bonus bad points for these tiny humans being designed to get 100% of their nutrition by latching their new razor teeth around the nipples of another human." ~ PoetryOfLogicalIdeas
E is for Emptypoop toilet GIF by Poo~PourriGiphy
"Bowels. I should be able to decide when to empty them completely! In one go and not little bit now and more later!"
"Edit: All this fibre talk, I get it. I now understand more about the importance of fibre. But that kinda adds to what I'm saying. Imagine not needing a summoning ritual. Like deciding when you do and don't drop the kids off at the pool. A human eject button." ~ J1ra1y4
The bowels, they never let up. And like I said earlier, the knees have it. Ankles, knees, elbows, the keys to a happy life.
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A boss can make or break a job.
Worse still, is when a bad boss asks you to get in on their badness, forcing you to choose between the moral high-ground and a paycheck.
Kind of like what happened with these people.
Reddit user, SethmAR15, wanted to know what your employer tried to get away with when they asked:
"What’s the most unethical thing a boss has ever asked you to do?"
Sometimes it's small, but inexcusable. Nothing like a boss asking you to do more work than what's required of you, is there?
Always A Good Thing When The Boss Says, "Don't Ask Questions."
"I had a boss ask to me take a bunch of stock from the warehouse to his personal storage unit, and not to ask any questions …"
"You did it huh"
"Turns out he’s been taking ‘damaged’ goods and keeping them in a storage unit and selling them online. I let the owner of the company know (his head office happens to be at my branch) my boss didn’t last too much longer after that, I got a decent raise 6 months later… if he’d cut me in then maybe it would have been a different story."
In-Person Tutoring Is A Separate Charge
"First job after I graduated college, boss called me into his office and had me sit next to his daughter while she took an online exam, told me to make sure she passed it."
"She definitely wouldn’t have passed if I wasn’t in the room."
People's Lives Ruined
"I worked for the largest property management in San Francisco and frequently the Manager would ask us to shred checks that came to us so they could file for eviction on tenants. I quit immediately."
Sounds Like A Harassment Suit Waiting To Happen
"Branch Manager (Banking) asked me to pose in a picture, showing a lot of cleavage, to use on his construction loan website for his builders. He wanted them to ‘see’ who they would be working with in a daily basis so he could get more business."
Murder shouldn't really be a thing involved on job applications, but someone probably should have told employers like these.
I Guess Murder Is Asking For A Lot
"My old boss at dollar tree would make me drive her to the bank in my car every night. And she would have me park like 10 feet back from the ATM while she walked up to it. She told me that if someone ever tried to run up on her while she was depositing the money I had to run them over. She said if they were too close to her to just hit her as well. She was incredibly adamant that I absolutely HAD to do this and very serious."
Chemicals Or No Chemicals, You Keep Working
"Keep people at work when there was a chemical leak from the car painting shop next door, and people were getting sick."
"The boss wasn't on site (almost never was), I tried calling him and got no answer, and I was the most senior worker on site so I sent everyone home."
"When I was almost home (1h+ commute) he called me back. He had gotten my voicemail where I explained the situation and he was not happy. Apparently we should have waited it out or I should have arranged for everyone to work from home (not possible)."
"The guy was a d-ckhead but this one still makes me angry when I think about it."
Keep It Under 40 Hours
"Also at Dollar Tree, most of my cashiers were teenagers or dipsh-ts that never showed up for work so this older Korean woman kept getting called in to work the register. She was pretty much getting 40+ hours every week and open season for benefits was getting ready to start. My district manager called me and told me I had to convince her to not get any benefits or else. I told him that else better be him doing that sh-t himself because I'm not about to do his dirty work."
And then there's these stories. Bosses who make you wonder, "Is that what it takes to be in charge?" Because, wow, talk about flat out terrible people.
Lives Are Never Worth Profit
"Many, many years ago I was working as a part-time mechanic for a guy selling "restored cars". He called me in for an emergency brake repair on a TR-4. One of the rear wheel cylinders had failed and he needed it fixed ASAP. He had a buyer lined up with cash."
"Instead of having me hone and rebuild the cylinder properly (I had the tools and the kit to do so) he wanted me to cut the pipe to the rear brakes and just crimp it over onto itself, enough to stop the leak. He was in a hurry and wanted it fixed before the customer saw anything."
"I fixed it properly anyway, so that no one would die, and then rolled my toolbox out of there that very night."
Crossing A Serious Personal Line
"When I was 16 I worked at Spencer's in the mall. The store manager was a middle aged female who found out she was being demoted. She made the decision to instead quit. Her last day I happened to be closing the store with her. Nothing wierd, we had done it many times before. After everything was closed and locked up we were punching out in the back room. I went to open the door that led back into the store and she physically put her hand over it and closed it like a scene from a movie."
"Then she said "you know I make schedules right" I said "yea I understand that". She said "Do you think it's a coincidence that you and I are closing my last day? This is your opportunity to do anything that you want with me." I was so uncomfortable and I didn't know what to do, so I gave her a hug and she said really that's it.. All the while her husband and 2 kids were waiting in the car outside the mall to pick her up to pick her up."
Lesson Learned: Never Let A Boss Push You Around
"I had a manager that tried to get me to falsify reports to the feds (financial stuff). I flat out refused. Soon after I had to leave the company for I would have been fired for made up bullsh-t on his part. To this day I will never regret standing my ground."
Work for the kind of people you want to work for. Nobody says you can't just go and get a job elsewhere.
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