Almost all of us have daydreamed about quitting a crappy job in an awesome way. We imagine a moment when we know quitting would have the biggest impact and savoring the wicked pleasure of choosing THEN to just... walk away.
God it sounds so satisfying.
One Reddit user wanted to talk to folks who've gotten to live the dream, so they asked:
What's your "Fck this, I quit!" story?
Come, let the heroes tell their tales.
Industrial Drilling
I fractured my orbital socket in an industrial drilling accident. Another employee lost focus at the wrong time was supposed to wait for a hand signal and didn't. We had been working over 90 days straight of 13-14 hour shifts and living in crappy motel a 45 min drive from out work site. We were supposed to be on a rotation were we didn't work more than 3 weeks at a time. It was a close call and could have been a lot worse. I'm glad I "saw it coming" and had time to at least try and get out of the way.
I got sent away after a night in the ER while the rest of that crew continued to work. After spending 2 or 3 days at home the boss called to say that he "needed me in Alaska" in 2 days and that my flight was already booked. Told him I quit right on the spot.
Plot Twist
Was getting screamed at in a meeting by some marketing jerk that was literally demanding my technical group perform magic on a completely unrealistic time schedule with almost no resources. Literally screaming at me in front of about 8 of my peers, calling me incompetent, "just do your job"....all of that.
I stood up, said I refuse to be talked to like that, and left the meeting. Normally if you just get up and leave these types of meetings, you're fired. Boss scheduled a meeting with me later in the afternoon after hearing about it. Figured I'd be walked out and was absolutely ready .. was told they fired the marketing guy.
That was going to be my "eff it, I quit" moment - but the company kept me on and fired the other guy. Pretty happy, it's been a solid place to work ever since.
Thanks, Mom
GiphyMy mom had an 'I quit' moment so she could see me. I was studying overseas and my parents booked a trip to come out at the end of the school term, bringing along my 2 siblings - 1 who lived away from home, the other about to start college.
It was a month long trip, with lots of pre-paid flights, trains, hotels plus it would likely be the last big trip we all took together. Obviously, both my parents requested and secured approved PTO months in advance. It was the month of June - typical summer vacation.
A couple days before the trip was to happen, my mom's boss hands her an assignment. Mom hands it back, saying she can't take it on as she has a month long vacation about to start. (My folks don't believe in hyperbole, but trip of a lifetime would be a fair description). Boss says, oh yea, sorry, you can't take vacation anymore. Mom says if you cancel my PTO, I quit. Boss, blank stare.
Mom handed in her notice and left. We had an amazing trip. She got a new job on return.
Better Than Falling Asleep At The Wheel
I was a truck driver working a regional route that required me working nights. So basically I would drive all through the night, deliver a load, sleep through the day, and take a load back to my original place the next night.
The thing is, sleeping during the day at a warehouse where yard dogs (the guys that move trailers around the lot of the warehouse with little tractor deals) were constantly moving stuff around, knocking into my truck, and often times literally waking me up to move my truck.
I was barely getting any sleep and the only time I had to ever get a good nights rest was during the weekend.
So driving to my first delivery, I told my manager I'm taking an extra day off because I'm exhausted and I have to get a few days of sleep. I was literally getting maybe 3-4 hours of solid sleep a day and energy drinks were worthless at this point. They gave me the go ahead, I dropped my delivery, slept as best as I could at the warehouse and picked up the load to take back with a message from my managers telling me to have a good weekend and rest up.
When I was about an hour and half away from my destination, after driving all night for about 8 hours reaching pure exhaustion, I get a message saying "never mind We need you to work this weekend"
Mind you, I know this stuff happens and you sometimes have to pick up the slack of other employees at times. Things happen, I get it and 99% of the time I'm all for helping out other employees and my managers if they need it.
But this was about the third time this happened. I haven't had a good nights sleep in 3 weeks at this point and I kept trying to call my managers or anyone who would answer me, but it was the weekend and no one would respond to their messages or phone calls. I was literally being ignored and I just snapped.
Luckily, the demand for truckers is massive. I mean I get texts non stop asking if I'm in the market because a company needs drivers. I haven't even been in the industry for two years currently and my phone still gets blown up with calls and texts asking if I want to drive again.
So literally all I did was call one of the numbers that would contact me constantly and immediately was hired after 5 minutes of talking on the phone. Sent in a message saying I quit and good luck.
Funny enough THEN they started responding to my messages and tried calling me.
I know it was probably a dick move and I normally would never do that, but I just broke and could not take it anymore.
"Mandatory Non-Paid Vacation"
My first job... I was assigned to a specific area, and I thought I was doing my job well. One Monday, I was pulled in to the office and asked why (whatever thing it was, I don't remember) hasn't been done for the last two weeks. I replied i wasn't aware it was part of my duties. My supervisor said he was putting me on a "mandatory non-paid vacation" for two weeks. No warning, no explanation on why I all of a sudden had to do work for a different department. So I said "don't worry about it, I quit."
It was a lousy job anyway, I was only getting paid 18 hours a week but was doing more than that! Sixteen and stupid, I guess!
Forced
I worked for a group home. We had a difficult group of residents, but the company made things so much worse.
Every resident was 14-22 years old. They had moderate mental development delays (65-75 IQ range), they all had a psychiatric disorder (from severe ADHD to schizophrenia), and they had also all been convicted of a violent sexual crime.
I worked 3rd shift. My normal hours were 10:30pm to 9am. Four days a week.
About six months into working there, they did a massive layoff.
They went down to bare minimum staff to student ratio each shift, with nobody extra to call in if needed. That meant if someone called out, a person on the previous shift was forced to stay.
It got to the point, where I was being forced 3 out of 4 shifts per week. And not just a few hours. I was working 10:30 pm to around 4:30 pm the next day, and still having to come in for my following shift. I had an hour commute each way.
So I'd get home at 5:30 pm from a 16 hour shift, and have to leave the house again four hours later.
Managed that for about a month. Then one morning I was told last minute I was being forced. Told them I was done and walked out.
That month took a huge toll on my mental health. Swear it took me like a year to recover.
In Training
GiphyA little Greek Restaurant I worked at early in high school.
Got hired, and spent the first two days cleaning everything the owner and son were to lazy to clean. Years worth of old grease in the deep fryer's interior, mold in the fridges, stains in the bathrooms etc. Just fcking gross.
I asked about payday on the end of the second day and it went something like this:
"So, how does payday work here? Is it weekly, bi-weekly, what?"
"You are on training, if we like the job you do we will hire you with pay".
Confused, I ask "So you're saying that you're not going to pay me for cleaning years worth of mold, grease, and bathroom stains?"
"No, you will be paid for work once your training is done"
"Oh! Ok. F*ck this, I quit"
How Was Your Weekend
After taking a few days off work while my father was having a brain tumor removed (and still checking emails and attending conference calls from the hospital) my boss gave me a new project.
She gave me a Monday morning deadline for a project that would take 6-8 days to complete - on a Thursday afternoon. I worked 16 hours a day to get it done. When we met on Monday she asked how my weekend was: "I worked all weekend." Then she asked if I got to visit my dad in the hospital "No, I didn't get a chance because i worked all weekend."
A couple weeks later she pulled me into a meting and said "I feel like you were resentful because you had to work and I feel like I was really good when your dad was sick, maybe you're just tired. Are you tired?"
She'd also make comments when I would leave the office on time - not early, on time. "It's great that you just get up and go when your day is over, like I have to go because I have a daughter, but you don't have any kids and you still just leave at the end of the day"
um yeah, i don't live here. i don't go home and sit in a dark room counting the hours until i get to come back here. i'm also not curing cancer, nothing we do here matters to anyone outside of here. i give you 100% when i'm here, but when my day is done, it's done.
I no longer work there.
Tire-d
I worked for a big chain tire store in a very rich part of town for a while. I was overqualified for the job, but its what was hiring. One day I get a call saying another tech got fired for failing a pee test.
I get in and our lead tech comes in with a torn bicep and has to be gone for a few months.
So I'm now the most knowledgeable person in the shop, taking on a ton of extra duties and extra hours. So working 60+hrs a week as the only tech with ANY diagnostic abilities I ask for a raise/promotion. That's not what happened.
Instead, the guy that was hired on a week earlier, was an amazing tire buster but couldn't do any mechanical repair past changing an air filter, got a double promotion and a dollar per hour raise.
Put in my notice on the spot.
- xJD88x
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Bait And Switch
Got a summer job while I was in high school at a place that made fibreglass tanks. I was told I'd be doing grounds keeping and yard work. Figured I'd scored an easy gig of bombing around on a ride-on mower and whatnot.
NOPE.
The first day I show up, in a t shirt and jeans, I was told the yard equipment 'wasn't 'ready'. So they had me cut raw fibreglass for 8 hours with an exacto-knife and no ppe. Being a dumb kid who didn't know any better, I didn't immediately quit and did this for three more days. At least after the first day I'd brought my own gloves and long sleeve shirt.
On day three they were doing tank coatings. So about ten feet away from me are two dudes in full PPE. We're talking coveralls, rubber gloves, glasses, face shields, and respirators. Ten feet away from me. In a poorly ventilated room. Spraying the exterior of a tank with presumably fibreglass coating.
I only made it a few hours before having to go to the bathroom to puke. I was told to quit being a p*ssy and go back out on the floor. That's when I, fortunately, had a moment of not being a stupid kid and said "I quit" and walked home.
Both parents were mad when I told them I'd quit. Joke's on them though because a few years later that company killed two dudes. A guy asphyxiated while working inside one of the tanks and the person that tried to rescue him also ended up dying. Whole place got shut down permanently.
Google?
Joined a call center with the obvious shady pay structure. They said the calls are inbound so I thought hey that's not too bad then. Turns out the inbound calls were generated by their robocall system indirectly implying that they were google but never saying so and we were directed to use some dubious answer if someone asked 'Are you google?'
After getting yelled at and cussed out and constantly getting people who had been called many times before and were clearly irate, I just got up and left in the middle of the day.
I also complained to google that these guys were pretending to be google. And these guys were scared of getting complaints like that.
Donut Strep
Had a super s****y job at a donut shop. I was promised a raise, which I never received.
We always worked alone at the shop, so I never got to know anyone else, never got their phone numbers. Yet the non-written policy was that you would find someone to cover your shifts.
One day, I woke up and knew immediately that I had strep throat. Went to the doctor and he confirmed that it was strep, and it was really bad. Worst I have ever had it. So knowing that I was contagious for at least 2 days, and knowing that I shouldn't be around people or food, and am not even able to speak, I texted my boss.
I didn't have a shift scheduled until the next day. Told her I won't be in for at least a week because of my strep. She told me I will have to find someone to cover my shifts. I told her that's not possible because I don't have anyone's number, I can't speak, and in all honesty was in so much pain I just wanted to pass out. She told me that if I cannot find someone to cover, I will have to come in. And if I don't come in I won't have a job. I replied with "cool, guess I don't have a job then"
I returned my gear 2 weeks later once I had recovered. Never spoke again
- [reddit]
Denial
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphyKinda long, sorry. I was a manager at a company where the executives were ineffective. I worked 60 hours a week most of the time and had to do all of my director's duties because he didn't understand our systems. The work environment was also pretty hostile and passive aggressive.
People cried on the job daily in other departments, slightly less in mine. Managers and staff would snap at other departments the same way the executives did because of the stress. I tried to take care of my department and make sure they weren't being abused or taken advantage of.
I had three days leave for a death in the family, but had to work every day from home and the funeral itself. It was especially vexing because it was to re-do the same thing every day that my boss would just forget to complete and need done again the next day. I brought this to his attention, as well as all the other issues, and he said he would try to do better. Months went by and it got worse.
Finally, our team sat down with him and told him things needed to change. I told him that the environment was more hostile and aggressive than ever and the team agreed. He told me that was my perception and we needed an attitude change, then left for a meeting (which I had provided him the data for). I cleared out my desk and left, quit with HR.
For me the kicker is that he kept assigning me tasks and insisted that I was still working there for days. Never been more relieved to quit in my life.
Leaving For School
My old boss had been emotionally/mentally manipulative to the staff. There was a high turnover rate and it always came back to them. It came to the point where we staff members were wondering how they weren't reported (we worked at a daycare). I'd been there for 2.5 years and can honestly say it was like a roller coaster.
What got me to quit was the fact that I was being yelled and told off for things that had nothing to do with my work and had to do with another staff member. By the end of it I had enough and was getting very annoyed by the situation and decided I'll go back to school. I got accepted to a college program and gave in my 2 weeks.
I asked if I could tell the parents that I'll be leaving and they told me that it wouldn't be appropriate.
At that moment I knew that I really didn't care.
So I told the other staff this they said 'Yeh no, this won't do' and proceeded tell everyone that I was leaving for school and the parents and staff members gave me gifts. My boss, on the other hand, ignored my existence and I gave zero fcks about it :)
Nights Crying Over Physics And Algebra
I have struggled for 3 years of my high school getting academic awards and working to attend a recognition event. This semester, I found myself doing great, making A's, and getting that recognition.
Until the pandemic, which made the school discard all the scores since we're "repeating from scratch after the lockdown."
I lost hope. My restless nights crying over physics and algebra were wasted. I feel so unmotivated now and that made me say "Fck this, I quit!"
When Basic Sanitation "Wasn't Important"
When I was a young teenager, the only job that would hire kids under 16 was dishwashing and food-prepping at a local restaurant. I started to get irked when I realized they made their pizza sauce from scratch by sticking THEIR ENTIRE BARE ARM into the bin so they could squeeze the tomato chunks away. I had to do this several times, and got grossed out thinking about arm hair and skin cells even though I washed it. First strike.
One busy Friday night, the mostly toothless crackhead-looking chef lost the nicotine gum she had been chewing. We never found it. Could be in someone's colon to this day. Second strike.
Finally, 3 months into the job, one of the workers came over with their big tub of barbecue sauce. It was Sweet Baby Ray's in a container similar to a milk jug, a LOT of barbecue sauce. This woman, I swear on my life, sets it down in front of me and says, "I've been working here for 9 months, and I've never seen anyone wash this. So you probably should." I open it, and there's thick LAYERS of hardened, crusty barbecue coating the inside. I had to use a little tool that resembled a toothbrush, but with wire bristles, to scrape it off. The blokes had been refilling it for months without rinsing it out. Took me almost an hour to fully clean, and I got in trouble for falling behind in dishes by doing something "that wasn't important." Third strike, I was outta there.
I quit after the boss called me into his safe room to lecture me about arguing with my coworkers that it was disgusting and should've been done a long time ago.
Save The Wood, Ignore The Injury
I accepted a job for minimum wage at a sawmill.
Spent the morning there running the timber through the mill without gloves and hearing protection. Neither was offered by the company. During the half hour lunch break I couldn't get my ears to stop ringing.
Went back to work, started working again and injured my hand. I started bleeding (just a little) and got a but of blood on a piece of lumber. The boss was right there and started walking over right away.
I was explaining that I wasn't really hurt, but he walked right past my hand and examined the wood. During the afternoon break I got in my car and went home. Never got paid for that.
3 Weeks
I was working for a landscaping company and had to be there really early every day. Started on a Monday. We were supposed to get paid every week. Thursday morning was supposed to be payday; but not for me because they held the first week.
Thursday morning came around and the supervisor came out to the job site and told the other guys on the crew that they weren't going to get paid again. They complained that they hadn't been paid in 3 weeks.
Before the supervisor even finished his argument I walked over to my car and went home. Didn't even say goodbye. Got a check for that 6 weeks later.
It Changed Overnight
I had a good job with a local theater, but it went under from mismanagement so I grabbed the first job I could find - retail at a pet store. Didn't pay well, but it hired, so it was better than nothing.
I grew up on a farm, had worked retail before, I'm good with register, and I believe in giving my job my best, so I quickly became the store leader's favorite out of a sea of teenagers trying to have a fun part time job.
Worked there for two years with 0 problems. Loved my job, loved my coworkers, still didn't pay much and it was a 30min commute, but I had no other social life in the area aside from my wife, so I had no problem staying.
All of a sudden my store leader was transferred after another store's manager walked out. Normally, another manager I liked would have been promoted - but as this was unexpected he had just been promoted elsewhere, and they had to get the 3rd in command manager to become the store leader.
Third in command is someone who is hyper-dedicated to his job. Hospitals wish their doctors cared as much as this retail monkey.
Everything went from a fun and casual atmosphere to working on a chain gang over night. Everyone hated him, everyone complained, and shit rapidly escalated as we found he had a horrible temper. He wrote up an 80 year old for coming in 5 minutes late after church, broke our only store phone in a rage after someone lost the other one, broke his own watch throwing it at an employee, etc.
Somehow I avoided his wrath for months, until the old manager asked if I could transfer stores to work with him again. I told him I would think about it, but I liked my coworkers and they asked me not to go. Few days later, after I've told my new manager I probably won't take the offer, my wife drops me off at work.
I text her, telling her when to pick me up, and my new manager comes into the BREAK ROOM to yell at me for being on my phone on the clock. I apologize. Hours later I'm responding to my wife saying she'll come for me, in a back room, and he bursts in to yell at me again. Turns out he had spent the entire day following me around to make sure I didn't text again.
Told him mid-scream I would be transferring. He spent the next two weeks begging me to stay, but I stuck it out and went to the new store.
Made new friends at the new store. Got a promotion a YEAR LATER, because it turns out the d-bag manager had written me up without telling me and I couldn't get promoted for a year over it.
Pretty much all of my old coworkers have left now, and he apparently made another manager cry hysterically and quit on the spot so I'm damn glad I transferred.
One of the lamest ways to insult someone is by describing their behavior as being gay.
The attempt at emasculating a perceived straight heterosexual male by comparing his actions to something that a homosexual male might do is a common form of mockery by alpha males.
Examples include mocking a guy who gets manicures, wears pink, or sits with his legs crossed. "Gay, gay gay," says the immature antagonizer.
Typically, the ribbing occurs between friends and is not prompted by verbal attacks.
Still, this casual form of bullying can be tiresome and only perpetuates misconceptions and stereotypes that can be harmful to the LGBTQ+ community.
Strangers online shared their experiences being targeted when Redditor Spagoobli0 asked:
"What is the dumbest thing people called you gay for?"
Apparently, maintaining good hygiene is so gay.
Being Clean
"i was called gay for showering daily."
– ilive4manass
"with other men?"
– intheken
Scrubbing The Backside
"I was told it was gay to wash my a**. The guy was recently evicted for defecating on his own floor for 6 months and not paying taxes."
– my-recent-throwaway
Pro-Tip
"In boot camp we shower with other dudes. I had someone call me gay in the shower for washing my a**. As if the only reason for washing my a** is to make it presentable for someone else. Nah, dude, I just don’t want skid marks in the tighty whities they make us wear."
"It’s not even like I was doing it weird. Like if I was bent over spreading my cheeks so everyone could see my brown eye, that would be one thing. But I literally just took a handful of suds and ran it down the crack a couple times because, pro tip to my fellow dudes; the water running down your back is not enough to clean the part of you that poop comes out of."
– Morningxafter
Lotion Up
"I once had a friend of mine stop by before we were going to meet some people for brunch. I had just taken a shower and gotten dressed when he walked in the front door (I always had a just walk in policy, suburban life). I have pretty dry skin so I was putting on a bit of moisturizing lotion. First words out of his mouth were 'moisturizing? That’s pretty gay isn’t it?' I said 'If feeling like I don’t want to scrape my skin off is gay, whip out the d*cks!'”
– bg-j38
Keeping up with appearances is hard enough.
The Damaging Effects
"'Gay' was the first 'dis' I ever heard, I had no idea what it meant for like a year. I just knew it was the worst thing to be. My whole generation struggled with that and I really feel for the people who had to come out to friends and family when I was young, it must have been really tough. I came out as bi about 6 or 7 years ago and that was pretty brutal, and the only reason I came out was because something happened that made it clear I was. Tbh it was f'king humiliating and awful at the time, it really f'ked with my head and my self worth. I am totally, 100% ok with it now, in fact I'm kind of proud I have the balls to tell people I'm bi now. It's become who I am and I'm ok with it.
"Just to be clear I've never had an issue with anybody being gay, at all. It's just for me it was a really difficult thing to deal with. Extremely personal. A lifetime of unconsciously being told gay was 'bad' has an effect on me, I wish it didn't but the truth is it did. I have mad respect for all openly gay and trans people."
– NitroD*ckclapp
Revealing Color Choice
"Had a guy genuinely ask if I was gay because I was wearing a red pair of Vans."
– LemonMan589
"Maybe he was cruising."
– InverseRatio
List Of Indicators
"I was a child in the 80s. Calling people gay was standard derogatory talk for checks notes literally everything. Bad play in sport, choice of clothes, hobby, etc."
– f_ranz1224
The Hopscotcher
"I was called gay for about 6 months in middle school for jumping down a hopscotch thing as I walked past it after lunch."
– Sado_Hedonist
What happens in the bedroom...
Going Down
"Like giving oral sex to my wife. Will never understand that."
– Beenthere-doneit55
"Fellas, is it gay to go down on a woman?"
– raveturned
"I view it selfishly. It combines the two two things I love the most, eating and having sex. If that makes me gay, so be it."
– Beenthere–doneit55
Flawed Logic
"They think if you'll do down on your wife you'll go down on a guy?"
"How would the two even translate??"
– WillieOverall
Even before I came out to my friends as gay, being called anti-gay slurs–even in jest–only suppressed my inclination to want to share my truth.
One of the things I've been mocked for during high school pre-coming out was my love for Disney.
The girls had no problem sharing my passion, but the jocks made fun of me for wearing a Mickey Mouse T-shirt to school, saying I was a "sissy boy" for liking Disney and that only "f*ggots" liked Disney.
Now, I know plenty of demographics–gay and straight, all ethnicities–that universally appreciate Disney. But I have to say, good on them for being accurate in knowing who I was before I did: a proud f*ggot who loves Disney.
All of us have surprising or unusual things people do that turn us on.
These can be simple things, like washing dishes, reaching for something on a high shelf, or pouring a drink which, whether it's the person doing it or the act itself, turns out to be surprisingly sexy.
Rather more interesting, however, are the things people do that draw us to them that aren't remotely sexy at all, but in fact completely wholesome.
Even so, seeing people do these things, or behave in this manner still has the same power to make us fall completely weak at the knees and melt our hearts.
Redditor levoyageursansbagage was curious to hear all of the innocent things that people find utterly alluring, leading them to ask:
"What is the most wholesome behavior you find really attractive?"
Excitement Can Be Infectious
"When people get really excited over something they enjoy."- BoiledCabbage
"Being genuinely excited about something."
"I love me a nerd."- Howdydobe
Loving All Living Things
"It was really hot and little rain for a couple of weeks and we have backyard critters roaming around typical of the suburbs."
"So my wife puts a big Tupperware bowl of water out that she changes daily in case an animal gets thirsty."
"I was looking at it one day and a stick had fallen in the bowl so I went to remove it."
"My wife yells at me, 'No! Don't take the stick out, that's so bees can crawl out if they fall in'."
"I thought it was adorable."- yakfsh1
Honey Bee Loop GIF by Kev LaveryGiphyTruly Unforgettable
"When someone remembers a really random small detail I’ve only mentioned once."- Starriyer
Compassion Over Convenience
"Doing the right thing even when it’s inconvenient."
"I was on a date and he took a call from a friend in crisis."
"They worked the problem out and he said 'I love you' to his friend (who said it back)."
"He explained he needed to take the call and apologized that it happened during the date."
"No apology necessary!"
"He demonstrated loyalty and vulnerability and it was incredibly sexy."
"Even better that it’s just who he is; none of it was for show."- Hiberniae
"When someone helps old people."
"Maybe getting up to give their seat to them in a public bus or in general, helping them carry their heavy bags, or something."- itsMat_hi_ka
"When a person knows the right time to simply listen to someone in distress and the right time to offer advice."- Old_Army90
GiphyThe Greatest Love Of All...
"My husband will run around playing games with our son in the playground and will fully commit to whatever game that is.'
"There's no standing around talking to the adults, he will get fully involved in the make-believe world."
"10/10, fully present parenting."- Ambivertigo
The Gift Of Laughter
"People that make themselves crack up."
"People with their particular and weird little sense of humor that unashamedly laugh at what they think is so funny."
"Extra points if they’re laughing because of a joke they’re telling themselves."
"It’s my favorite thing to see someone do."
"As long as the joke doesn’t seriously hurt other people."
"I love good dark humor."
"If someone’s genuinely trying to be hateful, it loses appeal completely."- tresjoliesuzanne
"When I'm with my wife at a restaurant and the baby in the next booth is staring at her, she will wave to the baby and make funny faces to get the kid to smile/giggle."
"That."- SadConsequence8476
happy baby lol GIF by TheMacnabsGiphyHeal The World...
"I went backpacking with my boyfriend for the first time recently and I noticed that anytime we came across a little piece of trash on the trail, he would pick it up and put it in his pocket to throw away properly at the first opportunity."
"It just highlighted to me that he was conscientious and kind even when it came to things a lot of people would overlook, and I found that incredibly attractive."- snickerdoodle--
Happiness Comes In Many Forms
"Seeing a man be genuinely happy for someone else, I recently discovered this about myself."- West_Cherry3944
Literal Food For Thought
"A friend of mine has this habit of making sure that everyone around her has eaten on time."
"'A well fed tummy makes the brain think properly'."
"That's her exact words."- in_out_in_out_·
Food Cooking GIF by MasterChefAUGiphyNo One Should Take Themselves Too Seriously
"Silliness, the sillier the hotter."- Fearless-Finish9724·
The Epitome Of Selfless
"My husband grew up extremely poor."
"Not homeless but close."
"Whenever we're out and we see someone asking for food, he will quietly walk over and take them to whatever restaurant they want."
"He will then order them whatever they want."
"When we met, he was in grad school and had no money."
"He still did this."
"It made me swoon."- curryp4n
Reading these heartwarming and touching affirmations, it does give one pause that kindness and compassion are considered so unusual.
Even so, no doubt that's what makes selfless, and kind-hearted people so attractive.
With so many couples walking up the aisle—and then sprinting to the courthouse—there’s no shortage of wacky divorce stories. No one knows that better than these divorce lawyers. From hidden fortunes to stuffed animal collections, divorce lawyers have seen it all. Attorney-client privilege or not, these stories are just too insane not to share…
Ashes To Ashes
round grey stainless steel saucer on brown wooden surfacePhoto by Brooks Rice on UnsplashI had a husband and wife go toe-to-toe over an ashtray they got in Las Vegas. The couple spent nearly $5,000 for me and another attorney to duke it out in court over the silly trinket. Prior to proceeding, I explained that it would be cheaper to fly me to Vegas and get an identical ashtray. The husband said he didn't care about the costs—and his reasons were deeply malicious.
It turns out that the husband had other intentions for their marriage memorabilia. When he won, he smashed the ashtray on the steps of the courthouse. He laughed and said the look on his wife’s face was worth much more than $2,500. People get crazy in divorce proceedings.
Until The Grave Do Us Part
I wouldn't recommend it, but one of the best ways to stick it to your ex is to kick the can during a messy divorce. In my client's case, the court had orally declared a couple to be divorced. Sadly, before they could finalize the official paperwork, the husband went to his grave. The courts spent two years figuring out how to proceed and made a divisive decision…
The court decided that the wife had to divide everything 50/50 with her deceased husband. And to think, if he had passed two weeks sooner, she would have avoided years of court hearings, thousands in fees, and kept everything for herself.
I’ll Never Let You Go…To The Marriott Hotel
My aunt has been divorced for quite some time, but you wouldn’t know it. She’s still driving her attorney crazy with her requests. Most recently, she took her ex-husband to court. Her motive was ridiculous. She wanted to know where he was working and when, all so that she could have her private investigator keep an eye on him and his new girlfriend.
She should have just let it go…she got the house, the kids, the boat, and even the Marriott International points.
“X” Marks The Spot…
I worked a divorce case that went to trial. The parties owned a business together, which they started during the marriage and which was their sole source of income. Obviously, the biggest issue was who was going to keep the business. While the divorce proceeded, the General Magistrate ordered my client to keep running the business and to pay the wife temporary alimony. If only it had ended then.
At trial, we went in front of a judge instead of the General Magistrate. This judge was older with poor memory and was fairly new to family law. She ended up giving the wife the business and ordering my client to pay the wife alimony! How is someone supposed to pay alimony if you take away their only source of income for the last 10 years?
I filed a motion for rehearing but the judge denied it. As if that was bad enough, do you want to know the cherry on top of this triple-layered divorce cake? The judge awarded my client his home that he had inherited from his grandmother. The wife had been living in there during the divorce proceedings, and the judge gave her 30 days to move out.
Well, she stayed until the last possible day. When my client went back to the home, the wife had completely destroyed the inside. She took a screw driver and scratched an “X” on the surface of all of the furniture and the walls. My client ended up leaving the country.
I’m Giving You The Cold Shoulder
I once represented one party in a divorce. While the divorce proceedings were on-going, the couple still lived together pending the sale of their family home. But just because they lived together did not mean that they were on speaking terms. In fact, they would not speak to one another for any reason whatsoever. Things were so bad that I even had to negotiate terms for sharing refrigerator space.
Don’t Be A Baby, Baby
white and brown bear plush toysPhoto by MChe Lee on UnsplashThe court ordered this couple, who had been divorced for four months, to divide up their Beanie Baby Collection, valued somewhere between $2,500 and $5000…and they were seemingly unable to do so by themselves. The couple spread out the collection on the floor and divided up one by one under the supervision of a Family Court Judge.
The Couple That Divorces Together, Stays Together
I worked as a courtroom clerk when I was in college. A couple filing for divorce were arguing over custody of their son. I thought it would be the normal "I won’t let you see him,” and name-calling nonsense, but I was in for a surprise. The mom wanted the dad to spend more time during the holidays together—all three of them. But the dad had demands of his own…
The dad in this strange divorce proceeding wanted the same thing as his maybe-ex-wife. He also wanted the family to spend more time together…just more frequently. The couple ended up reconciling and agreed to couples’ therapy before the divorce procedure went further. They came back a month later to withdraw the divorce proceeding. All is well that ends well.
Cleaning House
My friend is a divorce lawyer. They had a client whose former spouse brutally attacked them. Apparently, the former spouse blamed the divorce attorney for “taking him to the cleaners” in the divorce. The worst part is that the lawyer was at the grocery store doing his weekly food shopping with his wife and kids during the attack.
The Honeymoon That Never Ends
I represented the husband in a divorce. During the proceedings, we tried to get the court to eliminate his spousal support obligations. His wife, however, insisted that she needed the support…and wait until you hear why. The whole process took way longer than it should have because his wife was taking vacations to Mexico at least once every month.
The Wedding Photographer
I represented the husband in a divorce. On the day of the trial, opposing counsel presented shocking evidence. The wife’s attorneys produced photographs that they claimed proved adultery. The photos were of my client, the husband, wearing lingerie and a long brown wig, engaging in act of intimacy with another man. I was able to successfully exclude this from evidence...because the wife was the photographer.
And…The Honeymoon Is Over
woman signing on white printer paper beside woman about to touch the documentsPhoto by Gabrielle Henderson on UnsplashI worked for a law firm while in college. We had a client who had just come home from a two-week vacation with his wife. But she wasn’t going to be his wife for much longer. As soon as they pulled into the driveway, his wife’s lawyers served him with divorce papers and a temporary restraining order. His wife didn't say a word and just went into their house.
The poor guy came straight to our office and was massively confused. What happened on that vacation?
Please Play Nice
My first trial. My client’s husband was suing her for divorce. Her soon-to-be ex-husband was alleging habitual cruelty and inhumane treatment. When I heard what he had to say, my jaw-dropped. I had to agree with him. Her husband was claiming that she had grabbed him in a sensitive area really, really hard and hurt him on purpose.
What’s more, I had to cross examine him about it. Awkward.
Call Me, Maybe?
I had a client whose soon-to-be-ex-husband used her email address and phone number to sign her up for every bank, loan, religious, mental illness, and adult site he could think of. These companies bombarded her about their products and services. He even put out her information on Craigslist. The joke was on him though…she actually went out with a guy who contacted her!
Grab Your Pitchforks…
I’ve been a divorce lawyer for more than 20 years, so I've seen it all. I once represented a husband divorcing his wife of over 35 years. At mediation, they divided up about a half million in assets within 30 minutes—and then things went south. They spent the next two and half hours fighting over a couple of hurricane glasses from Pat O'Brien's and a pitchfork.
$1,000 in attorney fees later, they settled…and then got remarried anyway.
40 Acres And A Whole Lot Of Revenge
I knew a wealthy land owner who went to some extreme lengths to get even after a divorce. He lost his home to his ex-wife in the divorce proceedings but kept his trump card. He was able to keep the rest of the undeveloped neighborhood land and turned it into an industrial park. In other words, he surrounded his ex-wife’s huge house with a ton of factories.
Run Away Wife
man in red and white checkered dress shirt wearing black fedora hatPhoto by Andres Siimon on UnsplashMy uncle is a divorce lawyer, but not a very good one. He represented a couple who had recently started getting into some problems. The wife had had enough of married life and just left one night. Her husband was through with her since she left, and went to my uncle for a divorce. My uncle agreed but he kept delaying because he had plans of his own.
While my uncle stalled the husband, he came up with an ingenious plan. He did what he knew was in everyone’s best interest. My uncle hired a private investigator to search for the missing wife. Fortunately, he eventually found her and talked her into going back to her husband. Things worked out in the end…but my uncle might be the worst divorce lawyer in the country.
Sharing Marriages Makes For Caring Marriages
How much time do you have? Over the course of my career, I’ve seen nearly a dozen wife-swaps. And it’s just as weird as it sounds. Usually, the husband will cheat on his wife with his friend’s wife. This causes a divorce for both parties, and their respective spouses (wife of first party and husband of second) end up getting together. Happens quite often for whatever reason.
Divorce, The Family Game
I saw a mother and father live together during a divorce and fight over the location of their children’s Xbox and Wii. At first, the gaming consoles were in the family living room. The father then put the consoles in his bedroom so that the children would spend all of their time in his bedroom. The mother literally went to court to have the Xbox and Wii returned to the living room. They spent thousands on this.
Debarred And Divorced
I'm not a lawyer, but I’ve got a story about one. There was a case in which a man found out that his wife was having an affair. Heartbroken, the man found a divorce lawyer. In court, the husband learned a brutal truth. His lawyer was the man his wife was having the affair with. Of course, the lawyer got his license taken away after that.
Off To Sunny Mexico
I’m a family law paralegal. We had a client whose husband had taken her kids on an unscheduled bus trip to Mexico. We expedited everything. I went above and beyond for this woman—even contacting attorneys in the deep south of Mexico and writing out very clear instructions to get back her kids. As it turns out, our client was no victim.
This woman had physically accosted her husband because he confronted her about sleeping with his brother. Now you see why the husband packed up and took the kids.
The Most Expensive Therapy Ever
potato chips in bowlPhoto by Emiliano Vittoriosi on UnsplashMy client (the husband) was living in the same house as his wife throughout the divorce proceedings. He'd call me and complain about things like: his wife ate a bag of chips and didn't replace it, she invited one of her friends over who he disliked, she binged watched TV instead of fixing dinner, etc., etc. He paid me $250/hour for the privilege of venting over the phone to an attorney.
Why So Salty?
One of my father's friends tried to “salt the earth” before getting divorced. He transferred the deeds to a rental house and a cabin to relatives and sold the family cars to relatives for tiny sums…and he was just getting started. He put stocks in a trust “for the children” and vanished a chunk of cash from the company he co-owned with his wife.
He even stopped paying himself a salary, electing to burn through their personal savings for over a year instead. Well, he might have salted the earth but he was in for just desserts. When the divorce proceedings went to court, he learned that judges really, really hate it when you try to play dirty games. Turns out that hiding or intentionally diminishing assets is actually not a good idea.
In fact, judges will absolutely refer you to prosecutors. I don't think that he spent time behind bars, but his ex-wife did get everything, plus the satisfaction of firing him from his own company.
Let’s Break Up The Bank
A friend of mine is a divorce lawyer. His favorite story is the time that the husband in a bitter divorce said that he would “out-lawyer” his wife and break the bank before giving her anything she wanted. He said this in front of my friend, her lawyer. My friend looks at the wife and says, "I'm working for you pro bono (free) from this moment forward."
Think About The Children
I took a domestic relations class run by a retired judge who told us a few good stories. My favorite was a story where both parties in a divorce were acting unreasonably and not thinking of the kids. In the end, the judge awarded the house to the kids who would live there permanently while the parents—who had joint custody—would take turns living there.
The best thing was that neither party could afford to buy an additional place, so they had to rent a small flat together and also share that.
Oh, Brother!
I had a case in where husband found some incriminating texts on his wife's phone. He suspected that she was cheating on him with some guy. What’s more is that he also got the impression that his sister-in-law (his brother’s wife) might be in on it in some way. He and his brother end up hiring a private investigator to tail both of their wives to get to the truth. But the truth can hurt…
The brothers essentially confirmed that both women were seeing other people. My client’s sister in-law admitted to carrying on an affair. His brother attempted to reconcile but eventually filed for divorce. My client’s wife admitted that she was looking for an affair but only "met for some kisses" and she "touched him a little bit.” He filed for divorce anyway.
To The Clink!
boy sitting while covering his facePhoto by Ksenia Makagonova on UnsplashMy dad is a retired lawyer and he got this story from a judge. A man and a woman went through an unhappy divorce, and their poor kids got stuck in the middle. The wife got custody and the man got visitation rights but, apparently, that wasn’t good enough for her. She made parental alienation her goal in life. So, her ex-husband took her to court over this and she actually ended up behind bars for contempt more than once.
The judge who told this story to my dad finally told the man, "I can throw her back in prison as many times as you want, but there's no winner in this."
I Want The News, Not The Weather…
I used to work for a judge when two prominent local news personalities were getting a divorce. They filed for mutual restraining orders against each other for an unspecified use of force. The filings were vague on details but still managed to convey a sense of savage levels of blood. When the time came for the hearing, it turned out that the use of force they were referring to was spitting.
Specifically, during a heated argument, flecks of spittle managed to touch the other party. The judge denied the restraining orders, and both parties' attorneys probably bought new yachts. Such is justice in a divorce.
That’s Not My Name
This is the story of a potentially thwarted divorce case. A man and his fiancée were buying a house together. They got to the paper where you sign off on all your aliases. In a Mr. & Mrs. Smith-worthy turn of events, the woman had a full-page's worth of former names. The guy asked, "What is this?" The woman's response made his blood run cold.
She nonchalantly replied, "Oh, I've been married five times before." The guy got up and walked out. Crisis averted.
“Extra! Extra! Read All About It!”
I was a secretary for an attorney. Divorce can be pretty depressing but it can also be a real laugh. I think that the most entertaining divorce story was when a guy had to get creative in divorcing his wife. He had to have the divorce papers sent to her the newspaper because she wouldn't leave the house or answer the door for the process server.
And Your Little Dog Too…
My friend’s firm handled the divorce of an extremely rich man who claimed his wife was cheating on him. The lawyer proceeded to ask him about his assets and what he wanted to keep. The man said that his wife could have the house, the car, the boat, the kids, etc. Given that he seemed willing to give up everything, the lawyer asked him what he wanted to keep. Not even Cruella de Ville would have asked for this.
After the man’s lawyer asked him what he wanted to keep in the divorce, the man angrily responded, "My wife only loves her dog. I want her to suffer so I want the court to order that the dog be taken away from her and cremated. She can have 50% of the ashes and I'll have the other 50%." What would have happened if his wife only loved their kids?
Micro Aggressions
woman in black jacket standing beside green plantPhoto by Karsten Winegeart on UnsplashI represented a woman who was convinced that her husband was the real-world equivalent of Lex Luthor or something. She claimed that he had implanted micro-robots in her brain and was trying to control her. She would bring us all of this nanotechnology and try to convince us that it was possible. She dragged the case out for four years. We almost had to get a conservator for her estate.
I’m A Professional
My first divorce case was the most memorable. My client was a nice looking, 50ish waitress who was breaking hearts at the local small-town cafe. She was on divorce number five. I had a little lawyer kit of things she should do such as clean out the joint accounts, change the car title, etc. To my surprise, she had done all of them…plus a few things I hadn’t thought of.
“Husband No.5” came into my office to cry and concede everything. Now that was a guy who needed a lawyer with a list. Suffice to say, our client got everything she was, or might have been, entitled to plus a little more.
Roomies!
I was a family law attorney for years. It was nasty all the time, which is why I finally switched to a different area. But not before this crazy couple…I worked a divorce where the ex-couple lived together after their divorce. It wasn’t for love. It was just pure and simple spite. Neither wanted to move. I believe they still live together.
Leaving The Nest
I once interned for a small family firm and had some really odd stories. This attractive lady relocated from Florida to the mountains of Virginia with her husband to restart their relationship. Unfortunately, they were moving in with her parents and had not found a new place to live yet. Well, the move didn’t help and they ended up seeking a divorce.
He ended up kicking the woman out of the house. Yeah, you read that correctly, he kicked her out of her parents’ house.
Failed Marriages And Flat Tires
This wasn’t my case, but I overheard it in divorce court once. While separated, a guy went around to his wife's house and took revenge on her car. Apparently, in an act of brazen post-marital rage, he slashed her tires. And if you were thinking about calling the authorities, you’ll have no luck there. He was a law enforcement officer. That’s just crazy.
The Defenestration Separation
beige 2-story housePhoto by Jessica Furtney on UnsplashI would never disclose a client's details because, you know, confidentiality. But I did have a mediation professor who told me this gem of a divorce story. She was mediating a divorce and the couple was so close to making a settlement. Until it all went out the window…literally. You see, this couple had purchased a lovely Victorian home together.
The husband, while unemployed, had painstakingly restored all of the old windows. Restoring the windows was a very time-consuming and labor-intensive task. Fast-forward to division of assets: The couple agreed to split the sale of the house equally, but he demanded a larger share because of the value of the windows. She said she should have that money, because she was supporting them at the time.
He returned that she could keep the entire house, but he was getting those windows. Then she said, “You can shove those windows up your...” Well, anyway, you get the idea. They went back and forth while my poor professor tried to mediate them into a neutral position.
That’s Just Pea…NUTS!
I worked a divorce case that was frustrating enough to make anyone pluck out their eyelashes. It took the couple two hours to decide who would get the groceries left in the fridge. The estimated value of the groceries was around $40. Two hours of my time, opposing counsel’s time, and mediator time added up to about $1,000. It all came down to an oversized jar of peanut butter.
All I could think of the whole time was, “Who keeps peanut butter in the fridge?!”
The Hand That Feeds You…
I once had a case where the estranged wife just didn’t know what was good for her. She was calling my client's employer repeatedly, accusing him of theft and other white-collar crimes to try to get my client fired. The funny thing about it all was that she was also demanding child support…which was based on my client’s income. Income from the job from which she was trying to get him fired.
A Hairy Situation
My dad was a divorce lawyer. He had a client who wanted to divorce her husband for two very odd reasons. For one, she claimed that he did not have enough hair on his chest. And the second reason was that he did not drive fast enough. In all fairness, this was 1970s when chest hair was a bit more important. The speeding thing, that I can’t explain.
Fighting For Fido
I was in a mediation once where it took the couple an hour and a half to split their personal property, retirement accounts, real property, and custody of their six-month-old son. The rest of the day, about four hours, they spent arguing about how to split the time with the dog. For the kid they just said, "as agreed upon by the parties" but the dog had a strict schedule.
Join The Mickey Mouse Club…Of Divorce
boy leaning on white chairPhoto by Chinh Le Duc on UnsplashI was a clerk for a family court judge. Believe me when I say that the kids always suffer in a divorce. We had a woman go to extreme lengths to spite her ex-husband, even if it meant disappointing her daughter. She even tried to get an injunction to keep the father from taking their daughter on a trip to Disney World. Like it is whenever love ends, it was so sad.
Reply All?
There are so many crazy divorce stories and they always bring out the absolute worst in couples. Like this one: A couple did their will with our firm. We drafted everything for them as they were an older couple; they had been married for 40 years total. The husband wanted us to put in his will that his kids get his entire estate, with one small caveat: He did not want us to tell his wife.
Instead, he wanted to have us make a secret will and a fake will. He had a whole plan. He would sign the fake will with her present, and then we would shred it. Then he would come in later to sign the "real will.” There was just one hitch in his Ocean’s Eleven scheme…he copied his wife on the email. Two weeks later, he called us and said he wanted to file for divorce.
Attorney On Demand
A previous client of ours was livid that his wife was cheating on him. She wanted a non-contested divorce and wanted to use my boss specifically because she knew he was a great lawyer. So, our client pretended to go along with her terms but contacted us literally two days before his wife and retained us. He said he didn't care how much money the retainer was going to be.
He just wanted my boss so his wife couldn't have him as a lawyer. He called and paid first, so he won that battle.
The Love Has Dried Up
My aunt was a divorce lawyer. She worked a case where the wife glued all of the outdoor hoses together so that her husband wouldn’t spend any more time washing his car. When the glue didn’t work, she just cut up the hoses instead. And when this woman’s husband bought new hoses, she finally filed for divorce. The only question I have is…”Was it a nice car?”
Bear With Me
I used to clerk for a judge, and we had a week-long divorce trial between a couple. The husband was a wildlife photographer and the wife was a stay-at-home wife who “remodeled” the house. They had no kids. Anyway, one day the husband was photographing a grizzly bear but must have gotten a little too close and the bear mauled him.
He spent several months in the hospital and rehab. As if surviving a bear attack wasn’t enough, his wife had him served with divorce papers shortly after he got out of rehab. Of course, she wanted half of everything. The guy had lost an eye…what more could she possibly have taken?
Plastics Are Forever
brown round bowl on white tablePhoto by Magic Bowls on UnsplashNeither side would follow the court orders. When they had to go back to court, they were fighting over the husband’s grandmother's bowls. I assumed for weeks that these bowls were some sort of heirloom or expensive china. When they finally brought the bowls into the courtroom to swap them, I discovered that they were Tupperware. Who knew plastic was more precious than diamonds?
Divorcing Scrooge
My client was the outrageous one in this story, and my heart went out to his poor wife. My client had OCD which manifested primarily in the family finances. He made their lives a penny-pinching nightmare. For example, he was obsessed with avoiding unnecessary driving, so he cut the whole family’s hair at home and never let them eat at a restaurant or go to the movies. That wasn’t even the strangest thing.
Weirdest of all, he kept one toilet paper roll on him at all times, and you had to get one square from him before you could go to the bathroom. He never gave more than one square. His wife finally got tired of him and left him when he gave her bangs during an in-home haircut. Even their daughter was so traumatized by the whole toilet paper thing they couldn’t potty train her.
Being such a miser, he viewed my whole job as a divorce attorney as an unnecessary expense.
Shaking Like A Dog
My mom was a divorce lawyer. One specific story I remember was about a couple fighting for custody of their dog. The guy already lost custody of the children and then lost the case for custody of the dog. When the ex-wife’s mother came to pick up the dog, he told her that she could get him out of the freezer...Yes, that’s right, he froze the dog.
The Frog That Hopped Away
I once worked an interesting—and very, very sad—divorce case. It’s not uncommon for parents to fight over custody in a divorce, but that’s not what happened this time…not at all. My client and their spouse had a son that they named Snoop Frog (I kid you not) and sadly, neither of them wanted custody. Honestly, it was nothing that a name change couldn’t fix.
Not A Lucky Divorce
This woman won $1.3million in a lottery pool and filed for divorce 11 days later. She never mentioned her lottery winnings to her husband. She also did not disclose the proceeds during the divorce. She would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for a letter that arrived at their former marital residence over two years after the divorce…
The letter was an offer to buy out her lottery annuity with a lump sum payment. The husband promptly lawyered up and the family court awarded 100% of the prize proceeds to him.