Everybody keep their cool.

It's suddenly sweltering. We have one fan. And two cats.

Needless to say, some issues are arising, and positions in front of the fan are becoming more and more contentious.

Note: I don't seem to factor into their considerations much.

The_Awktopus

Birds need lots of attention, and they're worth it.

Left the cockatiels with the neighbor when I went away for a week. Neighbor did a great job but I'm not sure they got as much human interaction as they usually do. Got home and bird 1 now sounds exactly like bird 2; I'm assuming bird 2 was bored and spent the week talking his brother's earholes off. Cue duets of PEEKABOO and maniacal laughter. It's cute, but it's loud, and it weirds me out not being able to tell them apart by sound.

chinookwinds

I had the opposite happen with our African Grey as a kid. We left her for a week with our neighbor, who had a very thick valley girl accent. For the next 8 years, she insisted on greeting everyone with a "Heeeey, gurl!"

AncientCatGod

I'm calling Jackson Galaxy.

A stray cat recently sat outside our window teasing our indoor cats, which freaked all our indoor cats tf out. Somehow, in the confusion, one cat attacked her brother and now growls anytime he comes near her.

heydre1

Ugh. Misdirected/redirected aggression (I think that's what it's called, but there's a lot of stuff online about it). We've been dealing with this for a few months. Something scared Thing 1 (2 yo tiny girl), which led her to take out her fear/anger in Thing 2 (3 yo massive Maine coon), her friend and roommate of almost a year, and we had to mediate a giant brawl of hissing and yowling and scratching, oh my. We separated them for a bit, they were fine for a day (playing, grooming each other, cuddling), and then Thing 1 attacked Thing 2 again, viciously. Fast forward, we had to completely redo the introduction process (separate rooms/separate resources) for a while, got them back to normal, and then had to do it all over again when we got a new bedroom set and they decided to get territorial over the new furniture. We are JUST now getting back to some semblance of normalcy (this started in December), but I catch her stalking him aggressively from time to time. Makes me so nervous to go to work and leave them alone. Hoping so hard that this is over and they go back to being lovebugs.

I hope your kitties are okay!

allofthefloofies

We had this happen when we took one of our cats to the vet. Our other cat HATES the vet, and he freaked out that his brother was now smelling like the scary place. It was like he totally forgot who our other cat was and got super aggressive. We basically had to reintroduce them to each other like new cats, and it took months for them to get back to normal.

Sigmund_Six

Animals are hilarious.

The peacock keeps rattling his feathers at the cats. They don't seem to care, but it's usually a mating behavior which seems a little misplaced.

katlou305

Lol my bearded dragon would start the mating dance with my friend every time he came over. Just him for some reason

DaughterEarth

I'm not sure if finding out that I was sexy by lizard standards would raise or lower my self esteem.

GenericUname

The other alternative would be that he recognizes his fellow lizard people.

Sweaty_Brothel

I want to watch this.

We found a month old kitten back in August. He seemed fine at first, but it turns out he is, in the vet's words, "Built all wrong." His back legs and hips are f*cked, and his growth is stunted at about the size of a 6 month old kitten. He's terribly inbred, and kind of a lunatic. He doesn't keep concepts like "don't do this or you get in trouble" in his head (we tried training him, we've never had a problem doing this for any cat in the past), and he thinks the proper response to anything he doesn't like is to rear up on his hind legs and attack, thankfully without claws or teeth. But that does include simply walking past and not feeding him. He's just a small ball of uncomprehending, cross-eyed rage and poor wiring. He also runs into walls and furniture constantly, and he loses his little crippled shit over balled up paper, which often causes him to run into walls and furniture. He sleeps in the paper recycling bin with all our junk mail. He doesn't paw at doors, he licks them.

countrymouse

We adopted another cat, about 6 months older than him, in January. The other cat is like the dictionary example of perfect feline poise and prowess. When he is standing absolutely still. Otherwise he's every single episode of Jackass and Fast & Furious movie crammed into 14 pounds of pure muscle. We have wood floors throughout most of the house, linoleum and tile elsewhere, with a few carpets. He hurls himself around at warp 9.9 everywhere. His feet aren't even under him most of the time, he just slides around. He's a thief, and he takes whatever he's stolen down to the basement. We haven't found his stash yet. He prefers to be held upside down, with his head and paws dangling. If you try to pick him up normally he'll twist in your arms until he's in that position.

It wouldn't be so bad if they got along. The smaller cat wants to play, but he weighs a whole 6 pounds, so the bigger one just knocks him around. They can't even play with toys together because the smaller one is also nearsighted. If we have the laser pointer out the bigger one becomes the Predator, and the smaller one loses it 10 seconds later, and stands around confused.

We love them both, very dearly, but they are the absolute worst and most entertaining cats. Currently they have to be kept separate while we do physical therapy on the smaller one in preparation for surgery to repair his patellas. The bigger one gets very jealous when this happens, and tries to shove himself through the gap under the door to reach him. Since he can't do that, he takes every common toy between them and hides them in the basement.

eclecticsed

Omg. Please make a sitcom.

The drama is unfolding.

2 cats +1 dog.

Only 1 pile of warm, freshly cleaned laundry.

thetxfrisco

Who usually gets to the pile first?

cieuxrouges

Happening live:

https://imgur.com/gallery/eS7Q1Cr

Pup, Marlo, always gets her way.

But don't feel too bad for ole George. The patient and wise old cat of the house has positioned himself nicely to swoop in the second my loyal sidekick gets up to follow me wherever I go, and when the cat gets comfy in the pile, he won't budge for a good 3 days. Not his first game of strategic laundry lounging.

Cat #2 was in my lap. I like to think that's the next best place after freshly cleaned laundry. But the truth is that's where the last warm fuzzy blanket was located.

(This was my first time using imgur. I hope I did that right).

thetxfrisco

Dino DNA at work.

Rescued African Grey hates everyone. Her only joy is terrorizing the cockatiels. Cockatiels protest and evacuate their cage, AG sneaks in to eat their food (she is supposed to be in a restricted diet). No one wins.

Waterproof_soap

In bird culture, this is considered a dick move.

saurabia

Cats don't owe anyone an explanation.

Well.

For a long time (seven years this year) Dusty ate on the right and Misty ate on the left, side by side.

Then one day earlier this year Dusty decides she doesn't want to be a right-eater anymore, so she has now unilaterally moved over to the left. This has completely puzzled Misty, who doesn't understand at all why things have changed, and will now sit there to the left of the bowl watching Dusty eat for a minute before realising she has to go around to the right now.

The bowls are the same. The food hasn't changed. Dusty just decided the right side wasn't for her anymore and now she wants to be a left-sided eater, and Misty just has to deal with it.

Cats. I don't know.

chililiy

One of my professors in college told us about how she switched her one cat's food and water from right-left to left-right, and she stared at her really confused and refused to eat until she switched it back.

Must be a common cat thing.

rab7

Don't tread on meow.

My cat is pretty old now so eats small portions of her meals over several hours. My dog has started sneaking into the kitchen and eating her meal before she's done. She then comes back and sees that her food has been eaten and so meows incessantly until someone in the house gives her more food.

Whenever she sees my dog they have a standoff where she snarls at my dog, so we'll catch them in a "A Few Dollars More" style stare-off many times during the day. She also goes and makes it a point to drink my dogs water, instead of her own in retaliation.

sadirakulio

We had the same problem with the dog eating the kitten food, so we put a cat flap in the laundry door. Kitten food in the laundry and only the kitten can get in. Problem solved right? Wrong. Now the kitten can't be bothered going through the flap so she eats the dog food.

wheresmypurplekitten

Not funny.

I bought a clownfish for my tank recently. My neon goby has been hiding in the rocks ever since. I think he feels like a stranger in his own home now.

Emotionally_dead

The clownfish is probably being a d!ck as clownfish tend to be.

jynnsomething

This ball thief.

Not right now, but I grew up with possibly the only lazy Australian Shepherd on the planet, Ruby. When she was ten we adopted a second Aussie, Katie.

Katie was a sweetheart who wanted to play catch all day. Ruby was a grump who wanted to catch Katie's ball and sit on it.

Ruby was always a bit of a chonker, but her drive to ruin Katie's fun was so strong she lost weight running to steal her ball.

Edit: wow this blew up! I'm loving everyone's stories! I'm at work right now but here are two very low quality MtG cards I made of Ruby and Katie in like 2011. http://imgur.com/a/8w9Pgt6

beckybarbaric

Cats must maintain order.

My dog is whining and being generally annoying because he heard another dog outside and wants to go out now. My cat follows him around and reaches up to smack him in the face from time to time as if to reprimand him for being annoying.

parkmeeae

Walkie time is sacred time.

I have a cat and a dog. We are currently living in a two-bedroom apartment (since we just relocated) while we wait to move into our house.

Cat and dog are both unhappy with the lack of space, but dog has it slightly better because he gets to travel 16 floors down the elevator to take a walk around the city twice a day.

However. Dog is now bearing a noticeable grudge against cat, since we've started taking cat up and down the corridors for daily "walks."

He hears the clink of the leash as we put it on cat and comes running, ready for another walkie. The look of confusion and betrayal in his eyes is harsh. His usual level of token harassment of cat (to be expected in any cat/dog relationship) has definitely increased.

GingerMau

Wouldn't want rats to feel out of place, no sir.

We are currently integrating an adult (and fat) rat with three younger ones. He's not aggressive unless they climb into his enclosure, particularly his felt cube. Nothing worrisome though.

However he's tired of the younger ones smacking him in the face and darting away because he's too fat and slow to catch them.

Rats can die of loneliness and depression, so it's important for them to have buddies.

EDIT: The comments are 50/50, they're either stories about rattos or "I must be a rat because I'm dying of loneliness".

A rat's brain chemistry is extremely similar to our own, so the depression they feel from being alone is very much akin to our own. Rats are magnificent creatures, smart, clean, and have bright personalities. So if you're coming to the conclusion that you are a rat, that means you too are a magnificent creature!

TheFlyingBearCavalry

If the Earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.

My kitten is stealing food from my older cat's bowl, so the older cat sticks out her paw and trips the kitten whenever she walks past.

IridiumCow

The dog and cat food we had use to have looked so similar, that my cat would go downstairs into the K-Line War Zone, pick up the dog food with her mouth, walk it all the way upstairs, and drop it in her own bowl for safe keeping.

Either that or she is just a bitch which is very likely.

UndeadMunchies