People Share Old But Brutal Insults That Are Past Due For A Comeback[rebelmouse-image 18348674 is_animated_gif=
Not that it's the kindest thing to do but, a little insult or clapback is sometimes necessary in situations. We gotta vent our emotions, and better with a few choice (not necessarily malicious) words than fisticuffs. And it's always best to go with a classic. Even insults become vintage and most never lose their brilliance.
You look like 10 pounds of s* in a five pound sack.
OLDIE BUT A GOODIE.[rebelmouse-image 18345754 is_animated_gif=
When I was in 7th grade we got a new student who had been homeschooled his whole life. One time I said something to him, can't remember what, and he called me a "dunderhead"
GRANDMA YOU SO CRAZY! LOL[rebelmouse-image 18356073 is_animated_gif=
My grandmother once told me to take a flying f*at a rolling donut when I beat her at rummy once. So, there's that.
I BLAME THE PARENTS.[rebelmouse-image 18356074 is_animated_gif=
Calling annoying kids 'rapscallions.'
AH... THE SHAKESPEAREAN INSULTS.[rebelmouse-image 18356076 is_animated_gif=
My grandmother called a woman a shrew a few weeks back.
THE BARD DOES IT BEST.[rebelmouse-image 18977300 is_animated_gif=
"I do desire we may be better strangers" Shakespeare.
As there were a few " yer mama" comments in the thread I thought I would add this exchange from Titus.
Demetrius: "Villain, what hast thou done?"
Aaron: "That which thou canst not undo."
Chiron: "Thou hast undone our mother."
Aaron: "Villain, I have done thy mother."
THE TRUTH IS BEST.[rebelmouse-image 18979341 is_animated_gif=
"Don't look now. I think there's one too many in this room and I think it's you." - Groucho Marx.
WALK ON FRIEND. WALK ON.[rebelmouse-image 18979342 is_animated_gif=
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception!"
DIRTY, ROTTEN...[rebelmouse-image 18979343 is_animated_gif=
Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.
I DON'T KNOW IT BUT I LIKE IT![rebelmouse-image 18360911 is_animated_gif=
One of the surgeons I work with called his patient "A real Turd Ferguson" the other day. I almost fell out of my chair.
BUGS DOES IT BEST![rebelmouse-image 18979344 is_animated_gif=
What a maroon!
LET'S MAKE A LIST![rebelmouse-image 18349245 is_animated_gif=
all bark and no bite
all booster, no payload
all crown, no filling
all foam, no beer
all ham, no let
all hammer, no nail
all icing, no cake
all lime and salt, no tequila
all mouth and no trousers
all shot, no powder
all sizzle and no steak
all talk and no action
all wax and no wick
all motion and no meat
all show, no go
SOMETIMES DISGUISING YOUR THOUGHTS SUBTLELY IS KEY.[rebelmouse-image 18979345 is_animated_gif=
I quite like using harpy in place of "witch," for a particularly nasty one.
DAMN. TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.[rebelmouse-image 18979346 is_animated_gif=
"You look like someone poured you into your clothes and forgot to say 'when'"
I don't know how old-timey it is necessarily, but I've always liked it.
A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES.[rebelmouse-image 18979347 is_animated_gif=
In Dutch, it's still fairly common to insult people by wishing diseases on them. Stuff like "may your mother get cancer and you die of syphilis!" type thing.
I feel like this could really work in English beyond just "a pox on you" or some such.
WOOF... I FEEL THAT SHADE![rebelmouse-image 18360757 is_animated_gif=
"I hope you live a long and happy life; so you can enjoy your grandchild's short and miserable life."
OH OSCAR... BRILL![rebelmouse-image 18979351 is_animated_gif=
Literature is full of great ones like you deistical prater, you'd make a lovely corpse, you shell of a man... Also any of Oscar Wilde's snark.
YASSS GEORGE JEFFERSON![rebelmouse-image 18979352 is_animated_gif=
Jive turkey! It just rolls off the tongue. I feel so smooth after saying it.
ACTION AND NOT WORDS.[rebelmouse-image 18979353 is_animated_gif=
Biting your thumb at people.
Breakfast of Champions[rebelmouse-image 18979354 is_animated_gif=
"Oatmeal north of the eyebrows."
OH HELL NO... BACK UP!![rebelmouse-image 18979355 is_animated_gif=
Best comeback is a comeback that starts with
"Well first of all, brush your teeth.."
Then proceed with comeback.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
Talk to Me
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
Oh yeah, probably not....