They say the first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have one - but for a lot of people that's pretty much impossible when the "problem" is themselves. Self reflection and recognizing toxic traits is hard. Like, really hard.
Having said that, it's also one of the most useful things you can do as you grow. Can't evolve as a person if you're too busy convinced you have no flaws, ya know?
Reddit user srg6 asked:
What's a toxic trait you have?
Quite a few brave and honest people spoke up, and here is what they had to say about their own toxicity.
No Motivation
I don't have the motivation to finish things. I'm always excited to start something, but then lose interest.
It's affected a few friendships where I lost the motivation to stay in touch with people, not because we grew apart, but because I naturally became detached.
Negativity
I tend to talk more about things that I hate or that annoy me than things I love or make me happy. Very damaging to forming new relationships.
Same. To help fix this, my therapist told me to start a Gratitude Journal, to help me gain a more positive mindset.
You get some paper, or your diary, etc., and write at least one thing you're grateful for. It can be anything, and you do this every day. You can even write down events that made you happy/some other positive emotion. It's really helped me with the way I think and the way I talk. I hope this helps you too!
Racism
GiphyBecause of the environment I was raised in, I am quite bigoted and racist - but I'm working on it now that I have moved away from home.
- cambnz
I used to be this way. Then, in an effort to change, I took a racial minorities class in college. Excepting myself and one other student, the other 100 or so students and the professor all belonged to minorities. It was eye-opening to have the tables turned.
Most of them did not like white people- as evidenced by class discussions. A lot of it was justified. But it was scary being on the other end of things. While I learned a lot, I dreaded going to that class because it felt like everyone hated me and my race. Really put everything in perspective.
Empathy Issues
I have a really difficult time reacting emotionally to somebody who is sad/upset/crying. I have no issue laughing when somebody else is, or mad when somebody else is. But I cannot relate on an emotional level when I see sadness. That part of my brain never fires.
Overly Aggressive
I'm overly aggressive at everyone. I don't mean it and it's something I've been working on for awhile.
Try reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
I'm not aggressive towards people but bottled up a lot of anger and while I still do this, this book has helped me a lot. This is the second post today regarding toxic behaviors that I have seen on here and realizing that I am toxic as well.
The art of not giving a f*ck is something I have yet to acquire! The last time I overdid it and ended up not giving a f*ck about anything, then I had to adjust to giving at least a little f*ck about stuff that's important and then I circled back into giving way too many f*cks. It's about the right amount of not giving a f*ck. (My brain is GREAT!)
- doed
Wrong
I can't admit I'm wrong. Sometimes I genuinely don't think I'm wrong. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I think people are too sensitive. Or they say something rude and expect me not to be rude back. Toxic, I know.
- plumbott
I think this toxicity is a little deeper than just feeling you're right. It seems to me your ego might be a bit bloated, where regardless of whether or not you're right takes a back seat to how you perceive the "worthiness" of the person you're talking with of being right or not; your territory.
You may have a lot to work on. I hope you're young.
Sometimes in heated arguments, I can get clearly proven wrong yet still somehow "feel" (emotionally) that I'm right and consequently can't fully/genuinely admit that I'm wrong. That stupid irrational sense of "being right" always passes after a night's sleep or 12 hours (whichever happens first), but it can take a while.
I'm getting better, and I'm working on it, but yeah, that's where I'm at.
Unhealthy Insecurity
A 4 year relationship with my ex that ended in her cheating killed any and all trust I had in anyone. I've gotten much better over time, but even today when my wife or I have to travel for work, that feeling is always in the back of my head and it can get unhealthy sometimes.
Prcrastination
Procrastination.
I have this, as well as being forgetful. Meaning I just put things off indefinitely. I am completely blissful. Those around me, not so much.
- Djin045
Daddy Issues
Seeking male approval and feeling anxious if I don't. I need the approval of male authority figures due to my absent father and it bothers me to the point that if I think a male authority figure doesn't like me, I obsess over it. Also, I can't develop feelings for men because I'm afraid of rejection so I convince myself any guy that likes me actually doesn't. Daddy issues suck.
- WhyY_196
Being A Hater
GiphyI think it's from some deeply embedded insecurity, but when I see a girl that's more attractive than me I automatically dislike her. Also, when I'm planning on doing/making something and I see somebody else do/make it really well, I get super salty. Both of these I'm able to talk myself down in my head and make myself start thinking clearly again, but It's embarrassing that my brain makes these jumps to begin with.
- ooglecat
Pathological
I'm a pathological liar. It isn't nearly as bad as it used to be and I'm really proud of how far I've come with it, but to this day like, if I'm telling a story or talking to you I'll do little exaggerations for no reason.
For example like if I got 3 hours of sleep last night and I'm complaining about it to you, I'll say 2 hours just to make it sound better, and you know who cares if it's 2 or 3 the story is the same. It's like a tick I can't get rid of and I feel awful whenever I do it.
Parental Pessimism
As much as I despise my parents, I realize I am growing up and becoming more like them. The one trait I get from them is pessimism. All they think about any decision is what can go wrong and I catch myself doing the same thing, despite working hard on not being like that.
It's okay to prepare for the worst, but that shouldn't hold you back in every decision you make. You shouldn't expect the worst outcome every time.
Amazingly Apathetic
Apathy.
If I like you, you're my bro and I'm here to help!
If I don't, I wouldn't give a crap if you were staring down the barrel of starvation with kids and pets involved, I wouldn't want to lift a finger to help you.
Not a lot of grey area...
- Mr_Mori
I'm very apathetic. I honestly couldn't care less about anyone's day, but I feign interest in them very skillfully so that they take interest in me in return.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.