They say the first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have one - but for a lot of people that's pretty much impossible when the "problem" is themselves. Self reflection and recognizing toxic traits is hard. Like, really hard.
Having said that, it's also one of the most useful things you can do as you grow. Can't evolve as a person if you're too busy convinced you have no flaws, ya know?
Reddit user srg6 asked:
Quite a few brave and honest people spoke up, and here is what they had to say about their own toxicity.
I don't have the motivation to finish things. I'm always excited to start something, but then lose interest.
It's affected a few friendships where I lost the motivation to stay in touch with people, not because we grew apart, but because I naturally became detached.
I tend to talk more about things that I hate or that annoy me than things I love or make me happy. Very damaging to forming new relationships.
Same. To help fix this, my therapist told me to start a Gratitude Journal, to help me gain a more positive mindset.
You get some paper, or your diary, etc., and write at least one thing you're grateful for. It can be anything, and you do this every day. You can even write down events that made you happy/some other positive emotion. It's really helped me with the way I think and the way I talk. I hope this helps you too!
Because of the environment I was raised in, I am quite bigoted and racist - but I'm working on it now that I have moved away from home.
I used to be this way. Then, in an effort to change, I took a racial minorities class in college. Excepting myself and one other student, the other 100 or so students and the professor all belonged to minorities. It was eye-opening to have the tables turned.
Most of them did not like white people- as evidenced by class discussions. A lot of it was justified. But it was scary being on the other end of things. While I learned a lot, I dreaded going to that class because it felt like everyone hated me and my race. Really put everything in perspective.
I have a really difficult time reacting emotionally to somebody who is sad/upset/crying. I have no issue laughing when somebody else is, or mad when somebody else is. But I cannot relate on an emotional level when I see sadness. That part of my brain never fires.
I'm overly aggressive at everyone. I don't mean it and it's something I've been working on for awhile.
Try reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
I'm not aggressive towards people but bottled up a lot of anger and while I still do this, this book has helped me a lot. This is the second post today regarding toxic behaviors that I have seen on here and realizing that I am toxic as well.
The art of not giving a f*ck is something I have yet to acquire! The last time I overdid it and ended up not giving a f*ck about anything, then I had to adjust to giving at least a little f*ck about stuff that's important and then I circled back into giving way too many f*cks. It's about the right amount of not giving a f*ck. (My brain is GREAT!)
I can't admit I'm wrong. Sometimes I genuinely don't think I'm wrong. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I think people are too sensitive. Or they say something rude and expect me not to be rude back. Toxic, I know.
I think this toxicity is a little deeper than just feeling you're right. It seems to me your ego might be a bit bloated, where regardless of whether or not you're right takes a back seat to how you perceive the "worthiness" of the person you're talking with of being right or not; your territory.
You may have a lot to work on. I hope you're young.
Sometimes in heated arguments, I can get clearly proven wrong yet still somehow "feel" (emotionally) that I'm right and consequently can't fully/genuinely admit that I'm wrong. That stupid irrational sense of "being right" always passes after a night's sleep or 12 hours (whichever happens first), but it can take a while.
I'm getting better, and I'm working on it, but yeah, that's where I'm at.
A 4 year relationship with my ex that ended in her cheating killed any and all trust I had in anyone. I've gotten much better over time, but even today when my wife or I have to travel for work, that feeling is always in the back of my head and it can get unhealthy sometimes.
I have this, as well as being forgetful. Meaning I just put things off indefinitely. I am completely blissful. Those around me, not so much.
Seeking male approval and feeling anxious if I don't. I need the approval of male authority figures due to my absent father and it bothers me to the point that if I think a male authority figure doesn't like me, I obsess over it. Also, I can't develop feelings for men because I'm afraid of rejection so I convince myself any guy that likes me actually doesn't. Daddy issues suck.
Being A HaterGiphy
I think it's from some deeply embedded insecurity, but when I see a girl that's more attractive than me I automatically dislike her. Also, when I'm planning on doing/making something and I see somebody else do/make it really well, I get super salty. Both of these I'm able to talk myself down in my head and make myself start thinking clearly again, but It's embarrassing that my brain makes these jumps to begin with.
I'm a pathological liar. It isn't nearly as bad as it used to be and I'm really proud of how far I've come with it, but to this day like, if I'm telling a story or talking to you I'll do little exaggerations for no reason.
For example like if I got 3 hours of sleep last night and I'm complaining about it to you, I'll say 2 hours just to make it sound better, and you know who cares if it's 2 or 3 the story is the same. It's like a tick I can't get rid of and I feel awful whenever I do it.
As much as I despise my parents, I realize I am growing up and becoming more like them. The one trait I get from them is pessimism. All they think about any decision is what can go wrong and I catch myself doing the same thing, despite working hard on not being like that.
It's okay to prepare for the worst, but that shouldn't hold you back in every decision you make. You shouldn't expect the worst outcome every time.
If I like you, you're my bro and I'm here to help!
If I don't, I wouldn't give a crap if you were staring down the barrel of starvation with kids and pets involved, I wouldn't want to lift a finger to help you.
Not a lot of grey area...
I'm very apathetic. I honestly couldn't care less about anyone's day, but I feign interest in them very skillfully so that they take interest in me in return.