40. When You Don't Want To Miss A Thing

When my son was two, we were watching TV at the top of the stairs while he toddled. He walked over to the stair, fell, and started to go end over end down the stairs.

From the couch I leapt and grabbed him by the ankle and saved him from tumbling down stairs.

As I settled my Adrenalin-riddled heart down, I realized I had paused my show before making a leap to save my son.

superjordo

39. When You're Always Ready With A Pep Talk...Even When They're Not Your Kids

I was at a concert in a very small venue.

The opener was playing (Moses Sumney I believe) and I was right at the front. He said something like "I've never played this next song live before, so hopefully I don't f-ck it up", and I immediately replied with "just try your best", right when the whole room went quiet. He then replied back to me with "thanks, dad". Proudest moment of my fatherly career.

Capital_Event

38. When Harmless Pranks Are The Best

My daughter, Jessica, was about 12 or 13. I had left the car in the street for some reason and needed to put it back in the driveway.

So, I grab my keys and head for the door. Jessica says, "Where you going?" I say, "You want to come?" She says, "Yes."

We got out to the car, get buckled in, I pull it in the driveway and get out.

She is almost 40, I don't think she has forgiven me yet.

bigedthebad

37. When You Love Your Kids...Promise

Oh man I've recently realised I'm turning into my father. I have 2 young boys now and I swear in the last 3 years I've aged 20.

Every year when I used to ask my dad what he wanted for his birthday he'd say 'peace and bloody quiet.' Without fail.

Now I truly understand this. That's all I want too. Just please, for the love of god, give me five minutes.

I just want to sit. And stare and things. And say nothing. And not have to tidy, police or answer the same d-mn question about Iron Man or Elephants 14 times in a row.

I love my kids. I promise.

blatcher21

36. When Your Stuff Is The Most Important Thing

When my kids and their friends are playing in the basement I like to yell from the top of the stairs "HAVE FUN, BUT DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF!" For no real reason.

7281771

35. When You Find A Great "Dad-ism"

Yelled at my son that's it's not Christmas when he keeps leaving lights on in every room

fh3131

34. When You Don't Even Have Kids

I bought a new lawn mower on a Friday night, and ended up waking up early Saturday morning eager to use it. But I realized it was still early (before 7am) and didn't want to disturb my neighbors.

So I basically sat around the house for a couple hours twiddling in thumbs excitedly waiting to use my new lawn mower.

I'm 24, unmarried, and have no kids. Is it over guys?

atomiku121

33. When You Feel Good About Lying To Your Kids

Sent my daughter a "New phone, who dis?" when she texted me to pick her up at the Amtrak station.

houseofmercy

32. When The Moshing Is Just Too Close

I was at Riot Fest in Chicago a few years ago. System of A Down was playing. Friends and I purposely stood fairly far back so as to not get involved in all the moshing and thrashing.

A bunch of teenagers about 10 feet in front of me (but about 60 yards from the stage) started trying to form a mosh circle. I yelled at the top of my lungs "NO. YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT SH-T, GO UP TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE."

All the other people in their 30s around me started clapping and telling them to leave as well.

It was the closest to "get off my lawn" I've ever been

illini02

31. When You Stick To Your Guns

I told my son I was going to take away his birthday if he kept forgetting to brush his teeth before bed when he was 6.

He's 9 now and every birthday I put 6 candles on his cake and we celebrate his 6th birthday, and when people ask how old he is I tell them hes 6.

Unicorncuddletime

30. This One's Rocky

We were in the Smoky mountains and were walking into a brewery. A friend pointed out the help wanted sign on the door.

I asked if I should put in an Appalachian.

morinmitchell

29. Handy

Got all mad at how much desks cost, so loaded the fiance up into the car and drove to the hardware store and steel mill.

The whole way complaining about materials costs and how big furniture was just trying to rip us off. Made my own desks god damn it. That'll show em.

Aquanauticul

28. VROOM

In Bath and Body Works I stroller raced a dad and his toddler with my nephew, we both were making engine and tire squeal noises, and sideswiping into each other like it was an epic nascar race.

We were asked to wait outside, but both kids were having a blast, and we didn't have to stay in that wretched place, so I consider it a win-win.

I'm 26.

Waldemar-Firehammer

27. Costs How Much?

I spend my days off doing yard work and refuse to pay anyone to do projects that I can figure out how to do myself. That's my dad; I have become him.

cinch123

26. Very Dad

I've started taking my rubbish out in my jocks and t shirt.

People don't wanna see my undies, they can just not look.

maxpowerAU

Its hot so I have been just wearing my shorts for months. When the kid is around I keep my underpants on but when she isn't I freeball it. This includes taking out the trash and doing jumprope in the backyard.

babyspacewolf

25. "Don't Swear, Don't Fall"

While carrying the child, stub my toe to a point where I'm not sure if it's broken or bleeding horribly, because I have to first find a safe place to put him down gently/carefully, before I can collapse to the floor and writhe around, in agony.

liquorlanche

24. If It Works...

When my kids talk back to me I ask them if they think they are talking to one of their street friends.

I still don't know what it means and it was said to me all through my childhood.

InfoSecPeezy

God you are the worst.

Theycallmetheherald

To me it sounds like you're trying to be intimidating like hey I'm the Don not some lowly street thug

DeadpoolLuvsDeath

23. Inspiring

Told a joke and kept it going for more than a year.

calkel2

I have one that's been going for probably 6-7 years now. Whenever the dog comes back inside during the summer I make some comment about him being a hotdog.

whattocallmyself

Stay strong brother! Commitment is key!

calkel2

22. Call It Reading

I watch TV with the closed captions on, I am not hearing impaired.

UbaGob

I'm not even 20 and I do this.

Local_Scrub

This is Dad behavior? My fiance speaks English as a second language so we've been putting cc on for 6 years now and I lose my mind when I go to the movies or a friends house and there is no cc.

It also ruins the plot often since I can always read the entire scenes dialogue before it happens. I love it.

mudvayneWTM

21. Ah The Floating Money Pit

As a single mother, I bought a small fishing boat for my 14 year old son to use and together, we learned how to fish.

Stabfacenotback

Two greatest days of a boat-owner: The day you buy your boat, and the day you sell your boat.

Macluawn

Most people don't realize that boat is an acronym. It stands for Break Out Another Thousand.

semicolon7645

20. Star Using Numbers

Keep calling my daughters by each other's name.... they actually made labels for themselves yesterday to help me out.

Wishuponareddit

My sister used to do this with her kids and I thought it was weird. Now I have 3 boys and do it constantly, often using the two wrong names first.

mooncricket18

19. Friend-Scolding

Internet friend sent me a picture of her boobs, I lectured her on the dangers of sending strangers (we had never met IRL) nudes, especially with your face visible in them.

Zerole00

How many points does he need?

She sent him her boobs.

Kid_Monotone

18. It's All The Rage Now

Having a dadbod.

khassius

dadbod

I want to petition to rename the "dadbod" to "fatherfigure."

Original_name18

17. Appropriately Tacky

Wearing a chef's hat while cooking on the grill.

Back2Bach

I do this. Mine say, "May the Fork be with you."

BonzaiBananas

16. Playing Horsey

Crawl on my hand and knees with three kids on my back.

meta_uprising

I think this is what caused my dad's back problems

abe_the_babe_

I think this is what caused my back problems

I've had to ban that game after one started to run and jump on my back.

smittyphi

15. Of Course, This Is Mandatory

Moved into a new apartment with my fiancee recently. We were hanging up pictures, and I did the classic - use the stud finder on myself bit. :)

Outrageous_Claims

My husband's been doing this since we met... 6 years ago

The stud finder has about 50/50 accuracy

ShuuString

14. That's Some Skill

Once I caught puke in my hand and did not loose a drop in the middle of a Red Lobster.

mrgeef

13. Who Wearts Short Shorts?

Actually the moment I felt like my brother was full dad mode (even though he had a kid for a year at that point) was during his daughter's one year birthday party.

I hadn't seen him in a while and I notice his shorts have gotten shorter, and for a guy that used to be so on point fashion wise, just overall everything he's wearing is really... unrefined.

I'm just standing there and I notice him discreetly whip out a small camcorder as the birthday candles are being lit, and squats down to get a good angle.

Mista_Madridista

12. Welcome Home, Dad

Took two tries to get off the couch, grabbed a beer, walked back to the couch and sat down. Scratched my balls. Then neglected my family for 20 years.

Economy_Cactus

Good news is that by the time you get back with your smokes, I'll be able to buy you the next pack!

Dooky710

11. The Last Vestiges Of Smart TV

Might be more of a grandad thing, but I watch Jeopardy every night at 7:30.

ElwoodCash

I complained at work because they would be working me later from now on. They thought I was complaining because I'd just be working late but I was really just upset that I'd have to miss Jeopardy from now on.

C_Bowick

10. Work That Body

In Bath and Body Works I stroller raced a dad and his toddler with my nephew, we both were making engine and tire squeal noises, and sideswiping into each other like it was an epic nNscar race.

We were asked to wait outside, but both kids were having a blast, and we didn't have to stay in that wretched place, so I consider it a win-win.

I'm 26.

Waldemar_Firehammer

9. Such Sacrifice

Just happened last night. Was taking a dump when my wife yelled that our toddler was blowing out of his diaper (for those of you who don't know that term, it means poop was leaking out of his diaper).

I stopped myself mid-shit, shoved a piece of toilet paper over my b-hole to prevent skid marks, and gave my kid a bath, got him in a clean diaper and pajamas, and helped read him a bedtime story before returning to the bathroom to complete my personal previously interrupted foray into defecation.

yesithurt

In my house, bathroom time is a timeout from parenthood. The wife and I have taken progressively longer bathroom breaks over the last few years.

Admin5668

8. Sandy Fun In The Sun

Taking your child to the beach for the first time is the most 'dad' thing a man can possibly do. It requires 60-90 minutes of preparation including assembling supplies and loading the vehicle. (Bonus points if you get up early and drop the car off to get a "good space").

Once you have coordinated the nap schedule and found the window of opportunity you traverse to the beach. Looking at 10-15 minutes of unloading with multiple trips possible.

All of the items brought are intended to stimulate the child and allow the family to get cute pictures. Once the kid gets cranky then its time to repack the stuff and load up the car so the kid can take a nap inside while you have wasted an entire beach day for roughly 25 minutes of sun.

That is when you know a man has crossed the Rubicon and become a dad.

15careCrowBoatfan

7. Oops

Once put my foot in the way to try and stop my two year old daughter running into our dining room table. Ended up kicking her square on the nose.

DrJad

6. Just Skip The Babysitting

Went to Capriottis for lunch. Girl behind the counter is cute as hell...she is super flirty. I go back about a week later, half because she's cute and seems into me.

I order my sandwich and as she's taking my order she caresses my hand and says that I have really nice hands. I'm definitely flattered but also a little taken back because damn! This never happens to me!

While I'm waiting for my order, she writes her number down on a receipt and hands it to me with my sandwich. I waited a couple days and then texted her.

We chatted a bit and then it comes out that she's 17-years-old. I basically scolded her and told her she don't need to be handing men her number like that at 17-years-old.

KMFDM781

5. Bro Dad

Went to a little get together party at a friends house with a few people I knew. I was the first one there so I had to cut some wood and get the fire started all while drinking a cold one.

After that pointed out the motorcycle sitting behind us to my buddy and asked why he hasn't been riding it. He claimed it wasn't running so I took a look at it for sh*ts and giggles.

Smelled gas when he turned it over so I checked the fuel lines and saw one was diconnected. Reconnected tried again but still didn't start but almost. Pushed it down the hill and bump started it and rode it down the street.

I cut the wood, made the fire, drank the beer and fixed the motorcycle. I was dad.

f22raptor272

4. Lounging Like A Man

There's a pic of me reclined on a couch balancing a beer on my gut and gazing into the distance and I've never felt more like a dad than I do when I see that pic. I'm a lady.

NekoGoblikon

3. Male Head Of Household

A buddy of mine was going through some rough times and living on my couch while getting back on his feet. After a few weeks of seeing him play videogames in his underwear I got pissed.

I knew I had to talk with him, but I didn't feel like it was my place or even had the courage to tell him half of the things I wanted to.

SO I figured it would be easier if I was drunk. So I got a six pack of beer. After chugging one I walked into the house, slammed the beer on the coffee table, and calmly said "Turn off the game. We need to talk."

And if that's not dad enough for you here's a list of bullet points we covered in our talk:

1. Personal responsibility
2. work ethic
3. consequences
4. "I'm telling you this not to get on you, but because I love you and want to see you succeed."
5. resume writing
6. I think we talked about credit scores for some reason
7. preparing for the future

He didn't turn that PS4 on until he got a job a week later; found a second job the next month, and moved into his own 1B1B not too long after. This was a couple years ago and I've moved since. I hope he's doing okay.

codycantdie

2. Approaching Peak Dad Behavior

Socks with sandals.

MrShredder5002

Someone get this man a fanny pack.

Lucifer-Prime

With cargo shorts?

Harold76

I was dressed as a dad so that was mandatory.

MrShredder5002

1. Definitive Dadness

Sold 2 semi-desirable old European cars for a Honda Odyssey and didn't completely hate it.

Taco_air_is_heavy

H/T: Reddit