"If we're both still single by age ___, let's get hitched," friends sometimes say as a joke. Turns out, some people take these playful vows seriously, and it doesn't always workout the way they'd hoped.
jerodefine asked: People who have been in successful "if we're both single at x age, we'll get married" relationships, what is your story?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Marriage is a transaction, traditionally.
I met someone once who did this for tax purposes. They were already good friends and planned on divorcing if they ever met someone they wanted to marry.
He was confused as to why his relationships never lasted past him saying he was married.
I had a friend who was in a sh*tty contract for an apartment that he needed to get out of. He got married to one of our other friends (also a guy) to get out of it.
They got it annulled right after but I sometimes will make a comment at a bar when he's talking to a new friend or a girl. "hey man, you still married to that dude?"
When you know there's gonna be drama.
Not me, but my two friends who made this pact both turn the appropriate age in March of this year and I can't WAIT to remind them.
EDIT: Both have birthdays a couple days apart at the end of March, but I'll take screenshots of the conversation when I remind them.
Watch 1 of them get into a relationship February 28th.
This sort of happened to me. Had a pact with a guy. We lost touch for a while. He turned 30 and showed up at my door after not hearing from him for years. It was too late. I was moving out of state the next day to be with someone I met online.
I know a couple that did this, she left her ex-boyfriend to be with the guy. They each promised to marry one another if they weren't in a relationship when they reach a certain age.
The ex-boyfriend, who is my cousin, was not happy when he got out of prison and saw his "girl" married to someone and has a child. My cousin isn't smart and wants a paternity test to prove the child is his, for the record he has been in prison for 6 years and the child is 4.
Lol why even bother?? Good Lord.
My cousin isn't smart
I believe this explains a great deal.
My husband and I met playing FFXI (an MMO) when we were about 14 years old. We lived one state over, and became good friends - chatting online and on the phone mostly. When I was going through a typical exaggerated end of the world break up where I claimed to be unloveable and alone forever, he was trying to comfort me and said, "if we're single at 24, we can get married together." I reminded him of that a bunch of times in the future when both of us went through bad relationships.
At age 20, finally both single and capable of traveling, we went on our first date. It was lovely. We went to a museum and one of the best steak restaurant in the city - however, we totally couldn't afford the steak. Did two years long distance (USA - JAPAN). Continued dating, married at 26 (two years late!), and went back to that steak restaurant and got the most expensive steak.
Still married and happy. :)
But are you still playing FFXI?
Hah, no. Gave that up first year in college. But we did play FFXIV for a few years before raiding got out of hand and I had to give up that addiction. :D
Now we stick to fun co-op games. Kirby's epic yarn is my favorite that we've played together, so chill and adorable. Snipper clips, Diablo III, and lovers are some fun ones we play together now. We do Super smash brothers, Mario Kart, and overcooked for short bursts of competitiveness. And we play single player games, sometimes pass the controller over or one person does something else and just tunes in for cut scenes.
I'm 32 and want more cats.
Ok, so kinda happened... My husband and I were best friends in middle and high school. After multiple failed teenage relationships we made a pact to get married at 35 if we hadn't found anyone yet. We lost touch in our early twenties for about ten years.. each with a child and failed marriages under our belts, we reconnected in our early thirties, realized how amazing we are for each other, and have been happily together since. It was a year or two into our relationship when a mutual friend reminded us of our pact... We didn't get married until 36, but go us? Lol
30 is the new 20, so what's the rush?
A lot of people seem to have this deal with deadline alt age 30... is it only me or is that super young to give up on finding a partner?
Depends on city. 30 is young is in NYC and SF, and old as balls in the south and Midwest.
Depends on your generation and where you grew up, A LOT.
I'm 31 and I got in a 30YO pact of sort at 23. The general idwa around us was that at 25 you were in a stable relationshion, stable job, in the market for a home and a baby in the oven. At 23 it was old enough to have dated a few piece of shit and feeling left behind by life, but young enough for 30 seeming an eternity away.
Really? Maybe it's just the people I hang out with, but 25 still feels super young. A lot of my friends don't graduate until they are 22 or 23, and then there's grad school or post grads to consider if they go that route- many won't be done with school until they are in their late twenties.
I had this with a girl. The 30 years of age deadline. We hooked up at 25 and got married at 30. Still together.
Hope it works out for you!
Thanks. I hope so. We've a few kids thrown into the mix too!
Marriage isn't required to be happy.
We met when we were 5 years old. We had a crush on each other, but we both switched schools after 4 years, and lost communication. We met again in 9th grade and became good friends, but he had a gf. For years every time one of us was single, the other was in a relationship. So we stayed as best friends, and only kissed once during senior year. Eventually, after a bad breakup, he tells me if we hit 30 and we're still single we should get married. I agreed.
Fast forward to 10 years after that, and we've been together for almost 2 years. Not married, but still very happy.
Edit: he turned 30 not long ago.
Better to be happy and unmarried than married and unhappy.
Backup plans are never a bad idea.
I made this pact with a very good friend. We're both in our separate relationships that are both going very strong, and we still talk very often (she's in another country so meeting up is kinda hard). I don't think either of us ever believed we would have needed the pact, but at the time it was nice knowing that we weren't gonna end up alone.
Even if it was a serious pact, all it would take is for one to be in a relationship and the other could end up alone?
I can settle for flatmates for life then.
He's gonna pull a Kramer.
Not successful. She asked me to marry her by 30 when we were both 19. I said sure because I had a huge crush on her anyway. We dated briefly for a summer before she went back to college and have been good friends the rest of the time. She ended up becoming a Catholic sister after college (she takes similar vows of celibacy and poverty as a nun would, but lives "in the world" as opposed to being secluded in a convent) and works for the church in finance.
We still see each other, are both in our late 30s. We have talked about it and she does admit to wanting in the past to be with me romantically again, that I am the only person she has been intimate with, but that she believes strongly in what she is doing and her vows. I love her dearly as a person and dont think of her romantically anymore, but it would be hard for me to say no if she left the church and wanted to see me again.
There's no hope for me.
My parents grew up a few streets apart and played together all the time. They went to different schools and one or the other was always in a relationship or crushing on someone so neither of them really saw each other as an option until they were both dumped on the very same day when they were 17/19 and decided they'd get married at 30.
They've been together for 24 years :)
In high school she threw out the "if I'm not married by the time I'm 40" thing and I volunteered for it. I bet she doesn't even remember that. Today we're almost 40 and we're amazing together. Maybe we'll carry out that old plan by accident.
Maybe you should plan it. Then after she says yes, remind her about the old plan.
Points for waiting?
I knew a guy in High School who had a HUGE crush on a girl that was 5 years younger than him. They never dated because she thought the age thing was creepy but she told him that once she was 18 if they were both single they would hook up. They aren't married yet but they have been together for 4 years.
Age gaps tend to get more appropriate as we get older, but the foundation of this is a bit strange...because 16 and 11 is too far apart in terms of physicality and maturity.
It is different when two grown adults are into each other... I dunno. No judgement on his current (legal) relationship, but why was he so into a little kid when he was a teenager, what was so great about her that he even paid her any attention? Most teenagers just dismiss young kids.
We have a semi-joking pact with my 100% queer friendgroup that if sh*t goes bad for American LGBT people, we'll pair off and pretend to be straight.
Tax benefits, obviously.
I don't quite understand the point of marrying just because you're not married. Can anyone explain?
I'd think it's so you're not alone but perhaps there's more to it than that?
Typically it's because one of the friends really wants to marry the other, and the other friend doesn't necessarily get married to the first but is afraid of being alone. Me and my friend made this pact, but then just started talking about getting married anyway. Turns out we were both the one who really wanted to marry the other 😂