JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

Kids say the darndest things don't they? Out of the mouths of babes we hear the most shocking and innocent expressions. Kids of a certain age don't often know what they are saying and it's when they just spill verbage we find ourselves amused. Well it's funny unless you're the parent. Then it can get a bit weird. But for the spectator that just makes it even more entertaining.

Redditor u/InfinateUniverse wanted to know the best things (bad or good) they've heard fall out of the mouth of babes by asking.... What's the most innocent thing a child said that sounded so wrong?


"you turn off the lights, that should do it"

Giphy

When i was a kid my dad shaved his head. in one evening my parents had friends over and i overheard my mom saying something along the lines "my husband looks awful with his shaved head, i have no idea how i am going to sleep with him anymore". i thought she meant actual sleeping since i was not yet aware of the other meaning, so i just said "you turn off the lights, that should do it". all the adults burst out laughing. Araia_

Eww.. balls. 

"Ew now I got girl cooties on my balls!" A 5 year old said it because his sister had touched his bouncy balls. boytoy421

Oh Scavenger....

Doing a scavenger hunt. Teams were made and given different color bandanas. As one of the oldest participating (about 16), I was paired with the youngest ones (4 and 5). Other teams started getting in the spirit. "Yeah, yellow team!" "Go purple, purple is the best!" "Woo! Blue power!"

And of course, my teammates hear the last one.

"White power! Yay! White power!" gwynaweird

The Pungent....

Went with my friend to pick up her 7 year old from her after school program. We walk into her class, she sees me and runs up and gives me a great big bear hug, then loudly asks, "why do you smell like dicks?!?"

Like an idiot, I ask her what she just said, so she repeats it again. Suddenly it clicked, and I'm like, "ooooh... you mean Dick's, the store!" Turns out, I was wearing a new coat and this was the way she apparently chose to inform me it still had that dept store smell. MrMcSwifty

Boil Off!

Giphy

On a cold winter day before a baptismal service, the priest heated the water before pouring it into the font (so that cold water wouldn't make the baby cry during the anointing).

When a child standing nearby waiting for the ceremony to begin saw steam rising up from the font, he said, quite seriously: "Mom - is he going to boil the baby?" Back2Bach

He said the whole bathroom went silent. 

Not my story but I read it on a similar thread. A guy takes his 5 year old daughter to a pro baseball game and during the game he needs to use the bathroom so he brings her to the men's room with him and goes into a stall.

Now the stall had one of those toilet paper dispensers that holds two rolls and when one runs out you have to reach under and slide a little door over to the other roll. So the guy reaches under the dispenser and while he's doing that his daughter say loudly, "no daddy, don't put your fingers in there." He said the whole bathroom went silent. Dr_Bukkakee

"Grease"

When I was a little kid, in the middle of church, I was drawing a car. I was probably 6 and my older sister loved the movie "Grease" with John Travolta, and I apparently was there when she was singing along to Grease Lightnin'! So, while drawing a car, in the middle of church, I asked my mom how to spell "Vagina Wagon" pretty loud so I can label my car. The families sitting around us have teased me for it the rest of my life. dhenr332

Squirt?!

My year old niece was playing with a doll in a small children's pool. The body of the doll filled with water. She squeezed the doll and water squirted out of her legs. She looked surprised and said "She's a squirter!" Wanted to know why everyone was laughing. Steveg27

Woah Dad....

We took my son to one of those big play places. My wife say next to a little girl and her mother, the little girl looks sad and looks at my wife and says, Daddy left us and started bawling. My wife was shocked and said she was so sorry!!! The little girls mom looked horrified and said, he just went to the bathroom!! The dad showed up like a minute later. DrunkMc

Just yesterday....

Giphy

Just yesterday, one of the six grade students at my school needed to grind up a few of those styrofoam craft balls that kids use to make models of the solar system. She asked the teacher if she could bring in a cheese grater so that she could shave her balls. She kept a straight face and didn't realize what was so funny. gattgun

REDDIT

We're all well aware of the weird, horrible, predatory things men do when attracted to women. But what about when women are the culprits?

Keep reading... Show less

We've all heard how parenting is a full-time job. So it's not surprising to learn that parents have discovered plenty of quirks and methods to make things just a little bit more efficient during that eternal slog.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

It's a plague many of us would rather not admit occurs on a daily basis.

Keep reading... Show less