Kids say the darndest things don't they? Out of the mouths of babes we hear the most shocking and innocent expressions. Kids of a certain age don't often know what they are saying and it's when they just spill verbage we find ourselves amused. Well it's funny unless you're the parent. Then it can get a bit weird. But for the spectator that just makes it even more entertaining.
Redditor u/InfinateUniverse wanted to know the best things (bad or good) they've heard fall out of the mouth of babes by asking.... What's the most innocent thing a child said that sounded so wrong?
"you turn off the lights, that should do it"
GiphyWhen i was a kid my dad shaved his head. in one evening my parents had friends over and i overheard my mom saying something along the lines "my husband looks awful with his shaved head, i have no idea how i am going to sleep with him anymore". i thought she meant actual sleeping since i was not yet aware of the other meaning, so i just said "you turn off the lights, that should do it". all the adults burst out laughing. Araia_
Eww.. balls.
"Ew now I got girl cooties on my balls!" A 5 year old said it because his sister had touched his bouncy balls. boytoy421
Oh Scavenger....
Doing a scavenger hunt. Teams were made and given different color bandanas. As one of the oldest participating (about 16), I was paired with the youngest ones (4 and 5). Other teams started getting in the spirit. "Yeah, yellow team!" "Go purple, purple is the best!" "Woo! Blue power!"
And of course, my teammates hear the last one.
"White power! Yay! White power!" gwynaweird
The Pungent....
Went with my friend to pick up her 7 year old from her after school program. We walk into her class, she sees me and runs up and gives me a great big bear hug, then loudly asks, "why do you smell like dicks?!?"
Like an idiot, I ask her what she just said, so she repeats it again. Suddenly it clicked, and I'm like, "ooooh... you mean Dick's, the store!" Turns out, I was wearing a new coat and this was the way she apparently chose to inform me it still had that dept store smell. MrMcSwifty
Boil Off!
GiphyOn a cold winter day before a baptismal service, the priest heated the water before pouring it into the font (so that cold water wouldn't make the baby cry during the anointing).
When a child standing nearby waiting for the ceremony to begin saw steam rising up from the font, he said, quite seriously: "Mom - is he going to boil the baby?" Back2Bach
He said the whole bathroom went silent.
Not my story but I read it on a similar thread. A guy takes his 5 year old daughter to a pro baseball game and during the game he needs to use the bathroom so he brings her to the men's room with him and goes into a stall.
Now the stall had one of those toilet paper dispensers that holds two rolls and when one runs out you have to reach under and slide a little door over to the other roll. So the guy reaches under the dispenser and while he's doing that his daughter say loudly, "no daddy, don't put your fingers in there." He said the whole bathroom went silent. Dr_Bukkakee
"Grease"
When I was a little kid, in the middle of church, I was drawing a car. I was probably 6 and my older sister loved the movie "Grease" with John Travolta, and I apparently was there when she was singing along to Grease Lightnin'! So, while drawing a car, in the middle of church, I asked my mom how to spell "Vagina Wagon" pretty loud so I can label my car. The families sitting around us have teased me for it the rest of my life. dhenr332
Squirt?!
My year old niece was playing with a doll in a small children's pool. The body of the doll filled with water. She squeezed the doll and water squirted out of her legs. She looked surprised and said "She's a squirter!" Wanted to know why everyone was laughing. Steveg27
Woah Dad....
We took my son to one of those big play places. My wife say next to a little girl and her mother, the little girl looks sad and looks at my wife and says, Daddy left us and started bawling. My wife was shocked and said she was so sorry!!! The little girls mom looked horrified and said, he just went to the bathroom!! The dad showed up like a minute later. DrunkMc
Just yesterday....
GiphyJust yesterday, one of the six grade students at my school needed to grind up a few of those styrofoam craft balls that kids use to make models of the solar system. She asked the teacher if she could bring in a cheese grater so that she could shave her balls. She kept a straight face and didn't realize what was so funny. gattgun
“'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.” What's your best real life example of this?"
They Literally Won't be "Shut Down"
"When I tell people to just reboot your computer and it will fix all their problems and yet they won't because they said if you wait long enough it will shut down, when in reality it only goes to sleep."
"Then when I tell them they have to completely shut it down they look at me like I'm an idiot and say they did."
"I tell them it seems like it but it only went to sleep."
"They argue back."- niallaa
Some People Just Don't Get It...
"I used to argue a lot with my sister when we were kids."
"She would do this thing where she would say something, and then I would reference back to it literally a minute or two later to prove a point and she would say 'I never said that' or 'that’s not what I said'."
"Absolutely impossible to argue with someone who will just deny having said things that could hurt their argument."
"Also, trying to change the course of an argument if they feel like they are 'losing'."
"A coworker once called me an idiot for doing something 'incorrectly' when I was actually doing it the right way."
"When I politely explained to them that the way they suggested doing the task didn’t actually work, they started asking 'why are you getting so angry?? I was just trying to help' etc."
"So now we’re arguing about whether I’m angry or not instead of the right way to complete the task."- themightypianocat
Facts Are Facts...
"Arguing is pointless if you do not agree on a set of facts."- niallaa
Facts GIF by Judge JerryGiphyYou Can't Have It Both Ways...
"For a short while, I worked as a line cook at a Cracker Barrel, and there was a little saloon style door that led to the staff section (kitchen, bathroom, etc)."
"There was a staff only sign on the door, above the doors, and on the wall behind the doors at eye level."
"Usually if someone from the customer side comes in, they said, 'Coming in' before opening the door, so they didn't hit anyone, but of course customers didn't know that."
"So when this dude opened the door and hit a waitress carrying a ton of drinks, we were reasonably upset with him."
"He said, ;You should really put a sign up'."
"We showed him all the signs, and he goes, 'That seems a bit excessive'."- GreyFoxHound1
So Wrong.
"Had an employee sign an NDA about an upcoming art installation that had investors."
"He told everyone."
"He argued with me the NDA only meant he couldn’t disclose anything with the people in the company."- BosskHogg
He Knew What He Was Talking About
This was best said:
“'Never wrestle with pigs'."
"'You both get dirty and the pig likes it'.― George Bernard Shaw"- Zerowantuthri·
pigs GIFGiphySome Outdated Inventions Are Definitely Not Missed...
"I’m showing my age here but I used to work for an estate agency, and we had sales offices set up at the site of large new housing developments."
"Our primary method of communication was fax."
"One of the sales associates telephoned our office to say that the fax machine had run out of paper."
"No problem, I said, one of the guys is coming your way later for a house tour, I’ll give him a box of paper to give to you."
"We then had an almost 20 minute long argument when they kept insisting 'NO, YOU JUST SEND ME A BLANK FAX BECAUSE I NEED THE PAPER, IT WILL JUST COME OUT OF MY FAX MACHINE'.”
"It was like trying to nail jelly to a tree."
"Difficult, irritating, and it achieved nothing."- BettieKat
Very Few Hills Are Worth Dying On...
"I had a friend in university who was a world-class high school debater."
"Over meals, she liked to pick a ridiculous proposition and then talk circles around people until they had to concede to her point, no matter how absurd."
"When she tried it with me, I just stonewalled her."
"Met every point with a solid 'I don't think that's true'." or 'That doesn't make sense'."
"Eventually she gave up and never tried it with me again."
"It was the only time I've ever used the tactics of the stupid to win an argument."
"But, to be fair, if you're not arguing with me in good faith, I feel no obligation to respond in good faith."- kitskill
IS The Customer Always Right?...
"Working retail."
"Especially when I worked in the tech shop or a computer store."
" Trying to convince someone their $500 laptop is never going to be a gaming system no matter how many of the very few replaceable parts we throw at it can be exhausting."- MOS95B
happy episode 7 GIFGiphyEducation Only Matters If You Learned Something....
"Was arguing with this dude about something math-related."
"He didn’t know how to read a study that involved statistics. claimed he was in multiple AP math classes."
"Tried saying that I 'probably don’t even know basic integration'."
"Gave me a common integration problem."
"He wrote it but forgot the minus sign, making it unsolvable."
"I pointed it out and he edited the comment to make it correct."
"Told him that some people can see when you edit comments."
"He claimed that he just capitalized a letter. on and on and on."- SaturdayNightCity
Good Legal Counsel Might Be Worth The Splurge...
"I asked a representative from the Friend of the Court to explain something she said and she told me that I understood what she was saying."
"I replied that I wouldn't have asked her to explain if I had understood."
"She said if I was going to be difficult, she would hold me in contempt."
"My X chimed in that she didn't quite understand what she had said and was greeted with a smile and an explanation."
"From that point on I always disagreed with the Friend of the Court on EVERYTHING, so that I could be seen by the 'Actual Court' and a Judge."- PURPLEPEE
Season 4 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySore Winners Are No More Attractive Than Sore Losers...
"Once worked with a guy who, by his own admission, got his rocks off by picking fights."
"He'd start an argument over the smallest thing."
"If you said it was white, he'd say it was black, just to try to start something."
"The one that always stood out for me was the weather app competition."
"One day he asked me what temperature it was, so I read it off my weather app."
"He got all offended, because his weather app said it was a couple degrees warmer."
"So he decides we're going to have a weather app competition."
"He was going to chart what our apps said the temperature was, and at the end of the week, whichever one was closest to that day's high would be the winner."
"And the loser would have to start using the winner's app."
"To which I said, "What is your f*cking problem?'"
"So, yeah."
"For the first few days, he'd make a big performance about marching into my office, recording the temperature off my app, jotting down some notes, and walking off."
"This started on a Monday."
"He gave up after Wednesday."
"Either because I was winning, or he was disappointed because, despite his best efforts, I just did not give a f*ck about weather apps."
"Or maybe the boss told him to stop because I filed a complaint that this was bordering on harassment."- originalchaosinabox
Im Always Right GIF by ZionGiphyIt should perhaps be said calling someone an idiot, or even thinking it, is not a particularly nice thing to do.
Even so, if you're tempted to do so when you're in the presence of a particular individual, probably best not to provoke them.
After all, if you're so determined to "win," does it really make you any better than them?