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People Share Which Of Their Kids' Innocent Sayings Came Out Totally Wrong

That's not what Tommy meant to say.... especially in public.

People Share Which Of Their Kids' Innocent Sayings Came Out Totally Wrong

Kids say the darndest things don't they? Out of the mouths of babes we hear the most shocking and innocent expressions. Kids of a certain age don't often know what they are saying and it's when they just spill verbage we find ourselves amused. Well it's funny unless you're the parent. Then it can get a bit weird. But for the spectator that just makes it even more entertaining.

Redditor u/InfinateUniverse wanted to know the best things (bad or good) they've heard fall out of the mouth of babes by asking.... What's the most innocent thing a child said that sounded so wrong?


"you turn off the lights, that should do it"

Giphy

When i was a kid my dad shaved his head. in one evening my parents had friends over and i overheard my mom saying something along the lines "my husband looks awful with his shaved head, i have no idea how i am going to sleep with him anymore". i thought she meant actual sleeping since i was not yet aware of the other meaning, so i just said "you turn off the lights, that should do it". all the adults burst out laughing. Araia_

Eww.. balls. 

"Ew now I got girl cooties on my balls!" A 5 year old said it because his sister had touched his bouncy balls. boytoy421

Oh Scavenger....

Doing a scavenger hunt. Teams were made and given different color bandanas. As one of the oldest participating (about 16), I was paired with the youngest ones (4 and 5). Other teams started getting in the spirit. "Yeah, yellow team!" "Go purple, purple is the best!" "Woo! Blue power!"

And of course, my teammates hear the last one.

"White power! Yay! White power!" gwynaweird

The Pungent....

Went with my friend to pick up her 7 year old from her after school program. We walk into her class, she sees me and runs up and gives me a great big bear hug, then loudly asks, "why do you smell like dicks?!?"

Like an idiot, I ask her what she just said, so she repeats it again. Suddenly it clicked, and I'm like, "ooooh... you mean Dick's, the store!" Turns out, I was wearing a new coat and this was the way she apparently chose to inform me it still had that dept store smell. MrMcSwifty

Boil Off!

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On a cold winter day before a baptismal service, the priest heated the water before pouring it into the font (so that cold water wouldn't make the baby cry during the anointing).

When a child standing nearby waiting for the ceremony to begin saw steam rising up from the font, he said, quite seriously: "Mom - is he going to boil the baby?" Back2Bach

He said the whole bathroom went silent. 

Not my story but I read it on a similar thread. A guy takes his 5 year old daughter to a pro baseball game and during the game he needs to use the bathroom so he brings her to the men's room with him and goes into a stall.

Now the stall had one of those toilet paper dispensers that holds two rolls and when one runs out you have to reach under and slide a little door over to the other roll. So the guy reaches under the dispenser and while he's doing that his daughter say loudly, "no daddy, don't put your fingers in there." He said the whole bathroom went silent. Dr_Bukkakee

"Grease"

When I was a little kid, in the middle of church, I was drawing a car. I was probably 6 and my older sister loved the movie "Grease" with John Travolta, and I apparently was there when she was singing along to Grease Lightnin'! So, while drawing a car, in the middle of church, I asked my mom how to spell "Vagina Wagon" pretty loud so I can label my car. The families sitting around us have teased me for it the rest of my life. dhenr332

Squirt?!

My year old niece was playing with a doll in a small children's pool. The body of the doll filled with water. She squeezed the doll and water squirted out of her legs. She looked surprised and said "She's a squirter!" Wanted to know why everyone was laughing. Steveg27

Woah Dad....

We took my son to one of those big play places. My wife say next to a little girl and her mother, the little girl looks sad and looks at my wife and says, Daddy left us and started bawling. My wife was shocked and said she was so sorry!!! The little girls mom looked horrified and said, he just went to the bathroom!! The dad showed up like a minute later. DrunkMc

Just yesterday....

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Just yesterday, one of the six grade students at my school needed to grind up a few of those styrofoam craft balls that kids use to make models of the solar system. She asked the teacher if she could bring in a cheese grater so that she could shave her balls. She kept a straight face and didn't realize what was so funny. gattgun

REDDIT

People Reveal What Their Significant Other Did That Made Them Think 'F**k This, We're Done'

Reddit user The_King_Of_Spades_ asked: 'What is something that an S/O has done that made you go, 'F**k this, we're done?'

Young man looking defeated with face to palms
Christian Erfurt/Unsplash
Maintaining romantic relationships takes work, and if the people are invested enough in them, they will be willing to do everything they can to stay together.

After all, the honeymoon phase is not forever.

Eventually, reality sets in for those who want to be in it for the long haul as the lovebirds gradually start discovering weird idiosyncrasies that can either be perceived as cute quirks or aggravating annoyances.

Is it worth it?

That depends.

Curious to hear of make-it-or-break-it moments in relationships, Redditor The_King_Of_Spades_ asked:

"What is something that an S/O has done that made you go, 'F'k this, we're done'?"

These exes had no regard for the lives of others, some literally.

Serpent Murderer

"She unplugged the heater on my red tail boa's tank. Since the tank was in the spare room I only checked it every couple days. It was winter and I had just fed it so I would always leave it alone for a few days after so it wouldn't stress and have issues digesting. She went in right behind me an unplugged it after arguing with me for weeks to rehome it, which I refused to do."

"I went to check on it a few days later and noticed it froze to death. I asked her if she knew anything about it and her response was 'oh bummer, now I guess you can throw all that sh*t out.'"

"The next day when she was at work I packed all her sh*t and threw it all over her sister's front yard, since her sister was always the one telling her to just do things if I don't give her her way and had told me numerous times to get rid of my snake or else."

"RIP Doobie. I'm sorry buddy."

– burkechrs1

Funeral Brawl

"She started a fight with someone at my gran's funeral."

– LapOfHonour

"That's odd. Nobody is looking at ME for some reason..."

– VAShumpmaker

"Ummm...ex-CUSE me! I'M the ALIVE one here!"

– PicaDiet

Family Comes First

"Gave me sh*t for skipping a minor league ballgame with her family so I could go visit my grandfather in the hospital."

"It was the last time i saw him alive."

"Edit - ok i get it, the last sentence is confusing. I’m referring to gramps."

– chickentimesfive

You never know about a person's true colors.

Dodging A Bullet

"Physically barricaded me in the bedroom and forced me to change into the exact outfit he wanted me to wear before we could go out to meet his friends. I put it on just so he would let me leave and then ran a couple blocks away while he was locking up and called an Uber to my friend's house."

– Particular-Natural12

The Freeloader

"My ex drove my truck and returned it with a drop of gas in the tank. Then she took my bank card from my wallet and filled up her SUV and went to work. I started my truck and got to the gas station, opened my wallet and my card was missing. This was back when I was kind of poor and didn't have any credit cards, just a debit card. I had no cash in my wallet, so no gas. I tried to make it back home but I ran out of gas. I called her asking for help, she refused."

"My buddy picked me up on the side of the road. I went home and packed up my stuff and immediately moved out. I stayed on my friends sofa for a couple weeks while I worked out new living arrangements."

– macmac360

The kids will always be priority number one.

Scared Child

"My 12 year old son was struggling emotionally and it was causing issues with his grades. Boyfriend told him he could go live with his dad if he was going to be a loser. My son called me scared because he thought he was going to have to move to his dad’s. I was out of town at the time. I broke up with him the moment I got back and my son and I moved out."

"F'k you Chris."

– Fickle_Freckle

You Don't Go After The Children

"Called my daughter (not hers) a 'f'king b*tch that ruined our relationship'. Hard no from me."

– javawong

"Thank you for prioritizing your daughter. So many single parents don’t."

– CowboyLaw

Those who abuse animals are not relationship material.

The Last Straw

"Kicked my (our) cat."

"He pushed and pushed to get a cat. I wanted one but didn't really want to spend the next 10 years cleaning litter boxes every day. I eventually gave in because he was so persistent."

"After a few months, he came home from work in a mood one day and the cat got under his feet - as cats tend to do. He kicked her and screamed at her, and she ran and hid under the bed for hours."

"Things had been pretty sh*t between us anyway, but this was the last straw. I told him that if he can't watch where he's f'king going, he shouldn't live with a cat. He responded with something along the lines of 'well f'king get rid of her then!', and I told him I'd rather get rid of him."

"I told him to pack a bag and find somewhere else to stay. He went to stay with his mum, and I only saw him once after that day when he had to sign some paperwork to confirm that he'd moved out of our flat."

"P.S. Still got the cat. She's perfect and I love her so much. She still trips me up almost every day."

"Edit: I do feel like I should clarify (even though ex doesn't deserve it) - he didn't like, kick the cat across the room or something, but he did kick her a lot more aggressively than just tapping her out of the way with his foot. She wasn't hurt at all, but was scared. Had it been any worse, I probably would have flipped out on him even more."

– aerialpoler

Always listen to your gut when it comes to being in a bad situation.

Vulnerable individuals who are deep in love have the tendency of ignoring warning signs and realize until too late that they are with someone they never should've been with in the first place.

That's the tricky thing about pursuing love.

You don't really know a person until you spend more time with them, which is all the more reason to not rush into things.

Man on bke wearing an American flag with a woman running behind him holding an American flag.
Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

When studying or learning about different countries and cultures, many Americans find themselves fascinated and/or perplexed by some of their customs and traditions.

Up to and including Canada having their Thanksgiving celebrations in October, Guy Fawkes night in England, or spitting on the bride for good luck at Greek weddings.

Many of these same Americans who scoff at the very idea of these customs might not stop to think that the tables can be easily turned, and visitors from abroad often find themselves in an equal state of confusion at some of our customs and traditions.

Redditor thunderpower1999 was eager to hear which American customs foreigners found to be the most baffling, leading them to ask:

"Non- Americans, what is an American custom that you find unusual or odd?"

The Only Thing More Ridiculous, Are Most Of The Candidats

"I find the length of your election campaigns so crazy."- Olivia123321

Presidential elections seem to be some sort of two year affair. It's out of control.

Most Meteorologists Would Agree

"My friend from India once asked me (an American) to explain Groundhog Day to her."

"I had no explanation- it’s just weird."- marmosetohmarmoset

Groundhog Day Winter GIFGiphy

Slowly Becoming Extinct Though...

"The waiter taking your card away to pay."- Vlakob

Trick Or Treat!

"I’ll never forget when a college schoolmate from China asked me 'is it true that you have a holiday where children dress up and go around asking for candy?'"

"I had never thought about it before but all I could say was 'yes, I guess we do…'"- EverLong0

They Think That's Strange, Ask Them What They Think About Our Health Care System...

"The Canadians I worked with in the oilfield were blown away by all of the television commercials for medicines."- rufneck-420

Happy Mental Health GIF by Jimmy ArcaGiphy

Gobble Gobble!

"Pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving."

"Cracks me up every time, and I've lived here 20 years now!"- sandithepirate

Strange Isn't Always Bad

"Let me pull the Uno reverse card on this."

"I am an immigrant, living in the US for a very long time."

"Getting your leftovers to go at the restaurants was a surprise to me."

"But my reaction was, 'yeah, why is that not the norm?'"

"Rather than “Americans are strange'."- BobTheInept

When You Think You Have Exact Change...

"Not including tax in the price tag."- klc81

The Simpsons Animation GIF by FOX TVGiphy

So Much For Camaraderie...

"The obsession with college sports…and in some places even high school or middle school!"

"I just came back from a work trip to Texas and one of my colleagues told me the football stadium for his daughter’s middle school held 20,000 people!"- Speedbird223

Valuing Children? The Very Thought!

"That new parents, especially fathers, are expected to show up to work within days of having a newborn."- kellygrrrl328

How Long Have You Got?

"Some things I found strange in America:"

"Lack of recycling bins everywhere."

"That homeless people have tents everywhere like streets (Washington really surprised me)."

"Ice filled to the brim of the cup."

"Anything and everything having a tipping option."

"Tipping in general."

"Tax not included in the price."

"Massive lawyer billboards on every highway."- effypom

The Office Yes GIFGiphy

Civic Duty, But No Civic Holiday.

You have holidays for everything but a day off for election is too much

Just Plain Gross

"Child beauty pageants."

"Just stop it."- LoadedGull

It should be said that most Americans are equally confused, if not downright horrified, by many of the abovementioned customs.

Which begs the question, what keeps us living here?

Perhaps Americans desire to stay put, in spite of a heavily flawed electoral process, a convoluted healthcare system, and winter being dictated by a groundhog's shadow is the strangest American custom of them all...

A young man with orange tinted sunglasses fans out a large amount of one hundred dollar bills
Photo by Shane

Who among us hasn't wondered about how our rich buddies have made their fortunes?

Some people work really hard actually.

They're in an office or in the field all day and night.

They have their noses to the grind.

And yes some people just collect an inheritance.

That's ok too, but how do you make it bigger?

Redditor h3llofaRide wanted to hear about how the rich make a living, so they asked:

"What does the wealthiest person you know do for work?"

My rich friends are all investment people.

They know when to buy and sell.

It's a gift.

Fancy Services

Coding Looney Tunes GIF by Looney Tunes World of MayhemGiphy

"The wealthiest person I know (and hang out with regularly) built a company (IT services) and then sold it for several hundred million dollars."

"He now runs a company that does the same kind of IT services in a different field. (He figured out a winning business formula and is just repeating it in a different market)."

omniumoptimus

Name It

"A family friend retired after being a COBOL programmer for 30 years. About 2 years after his retirement, a company came to him and said 'Name your salary' and he requested around $1.5 million/year. He was hired on the spot and still works there."

bbbbbthatsfivebees

"A family member worked at various companies, he told me this is very common. It's not obscure programming languages, just that they know what's going on. And don't let anyone else near it or something."

chabybaloo

Oink Oink

"Pig farmer. I kid you not. He's my father's old friend. I visited him once when my father and I were passing through the state. He lives in a modest classic farmhouse with his wife, both in their seventies. I mentioned I was starting a school in West Africa as we were catching up."

"A few weeks later I got a text asking how much it would cost. I told him 40k, thinking it was really nice of him if he wanted to send a few dollars."

"I got a check for 40k. I thought it would take me years to raise that. I'm typing this from Sierra Leone because he also paid for the house I thought would take years to raise funds for."

LadyCordeliaStuart

That Dude

"It's a guy I work with. He started with one Jimmy John's franchise and turned it into 10 franchises. Ran them for 10 years then sold them all and dumped the money into the stock market and real estate. He did this all while working as an airline pilot, currently still working at the airline. This dude owns and flies his own private jet on top of all that."

OT-35

Every day...

Proliferate Charlie Chaplin GIF by nounish ⌐◨-◨Giphy

"Inherited a small factory from his father. Developed it into a huge nationwide company. Still goes to work there everyday despite being worth hundreds of millions."

ShipJust

Factory work. That is where so much greatness begins.

On the Road

Happy Go Crazy GIF by DAF Trucks NVGiphy

"Truck driver. Starting his own trucking company."

Apprehensive-Crow-96

"Tons of money in the trucking business. An owner of one in my city drives a Porsche 918."

ForgottenPercentage

In the End

"Own their own conveyor belt business. Makes almost 2 mil a year after it’s all said and done."

TakeMe_To_Eisengard

"I was a control systems engineer who started contracting on the side. Now I build out crazy manufacturing systems like this. All it takes is getting one project to build a conveyor system and if you end up good at it then boom, you build conveyor systems for the rest of your life. Conveyor systems are actually really expensive and complex in the manufacturing world."

PleasantProgram7572

Life-Changing

"Both in tech. A friend is in a company about to IPO and is VP level so will do well there. Her husband just sold his company (gaming company) to the biggest gaming company in China for, as she put it 'life-changing money.' Both are very intelligent, super nice, and crazy hard-working. They worked for it, and it couldn't happen to nicer people."

BonePGH

The Little Things

"I was a fly fishing guide for many years, and one of my regular clients year after year owned a factory on the East Coast that is one of the top suppliers of O-rings and small plastic machine parts in the world. I never asked how much they made obviously out of respect. But they always tipped absurd amounts ($1500 was my biggest tip for 3 days) they flew private and drank and shared $600 bottles of wine like they were nothing."

The_Kinetic_Esthetic

Let's Play

gamer GIF by TotorialGiphy

"He's the founder and CEO of a very successful games company. I met him over a decade ago when the company was successful but nowhere near what it is now. He's also one of the most approachable and friendly people I've ever met, to the extent that it sometimes feels like an act."

Lauantaina

Games and gaming.

Who knew?

Can I count all of my hours of Nintendo for tax exemptions?

Content Warning: alcoholism, sexual assault, harassment, and violence against women in entertainment

The entertainment industry is constantly changing and generally reflects what the public finds interesting and believes in.

Fortunately, this means that some problematic tropes, storylines, and messages are being retired from the writers' room, and viewers are embracing the more inclusive characters and stories they're seeing on screen.

Redditor midnightsonofab***h asked:

"What TV trope was common in the not-so-distant past but is completely unacceptable today?"

Connected At All Times

"Misunderstandings that can now be cleared up by a text or cell phone call. Entire episodes used to be built around people not being able to find or communicate with each other and just having to figure stuff out."

- OccasionallyWright

"I read a story from a horror writer and he said cell phones changed how they have to write because 99% of the stuck-in-a-murder town or house situations would be solved by phones now."

- Cleets11

"Oh yeah, for sure! I write thrillers for a living, and the idea of a 'MacGuffin' that is hidden is a lot harder to pull off when the now-dead character hiding it could've just called the right people and told them, or sent them the data in an email, etc."

"I have a very good editor (he's BAFTA nominated) and had this exact one in my latest story outline, with them 'finding' a report he's hidden. But... he could've just sent it to his daughter by email."

"As I'm older, I have to adjust my mindset constantly to deal with stuff like that."

- jloome

Security Before Love

"Running through the airport to confess one's love for the protagonist. Or the 'Home Alone' premises. These wouldn't happen today with current security measures."

- flawedmentalist69_

Women's Panic Attacks

"Not really TV trope but slapping women that were supposedly having a panic attack was almost a trope in westerns and noire movies."

- Sufficient-Eye-8883

Unresolved Amnesia

"People walking around with amnesia."

"Every freaking show, someone hit their head and had amnesia and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Like, hello, brain injury?"

- darkmatternot

Stalking Love

"Stalking a woman long enough and constantly will eventually make her fall for you."

- SuvenPan

"This was probably the most confusing thing growing up in the late 80s and early 90s."

"This odd thing was sold to both genders: the guy was supposed to keep on going after being told to be uninteresting. This led to guys thinking 'no means ask again' and girls saying 'no' to guys that they were interested in, but thought this is how the game was played in real life."

"Even in my early 20s, I saw girls in my party crew doing this, quite often harshly rejecting a drop-dead handsome guy, then being all p**sy about it when the guy just f**ked off as being told to and didn't instead start the rom-com mating ritual."

- aamurusko79

Voyeurism Was Not Okay

​"Spying on naked women or women changing clothes as an innocent boy or teen rite of passage."

- coagulatedfat

"'It’s Always Sunny' does a great episode called 'The Gang Hits the Slopes' or something. They go to a ski resort and live out 80s tropes from their childhood before realizing how f**ked up it all was, including spying on women and skiing without helmets."

- tman291

Homophobia "Humor"

​"Gay panic. I love 'Friends,' but how often the joke was AT any of the guys doing anything feminine?"

- HazeAbove

"The flamboyant gay character whose sexuality is either intended for the audience to laugh and make fun of or becomes a joke with other characters."

- DimesyEvans92

"Or in the case of 'Friends,' the straight character who everybody thinks is gay and is the butt (pun intended) of the joke."

- Friesenplatz

The Dark Side of the Town Drunk

"Comedic town drunk. Think Otis from 'The Andy Griffith Show.'"

- dominationnation

"I think part of the problem is the 'comedic town drunk' is something so many people can relate to because every small town seems to have one."

"My town growing up certainly did. His name was Silas. He drove a lawnmower everywhere because he lost his license, and would shout, 'Yee-Haw!' when it reached max speed. The man could consume an impossible quantity of alcohol and just as quickly piss it all out."

"He was homeless and on a first-name basis with every police officer in the county. He could tell the funniest, dirtiest jokes, and in late autumn would commit some minor harmless crime to spend the winter in jail (where he'd put on a lot of weight) instead of spending it in his tent."

"He was also a very reliable handyman, our family hired him a few times to remove massive trees, and he'd drop them right where he said he would."

"But that's where the comedy and trope end. I've referred to him in the past tense because he died of liver failure."

"He was ill with an addiction and desperately needed help to get past it, and that's what the TV tropes fail to discuss. Consequently, it's funny to the audience because it conveniently ignores the harsh reality of the situation."

- Kent_Knifen

Smoking Bans

"'Mind if I smoke?' in places where people would instantly object today, like cars, airplanes, spaceships, the baby's nursery, etc."

- crooked-v

​Anti-Tomboy and Androgyny 

"'Fixing' the 'tomboy' who likes to wear boys' clothes, no makeup, and do boy things."

"There's an 'Andy Griffith Show' episode that would be considered an over-the-top parody if it came out now."

- Visible_Scallion_489

No Locked Doors

"People living in NYC and L.A. who never lock the front door."

- KAG25

"Pretty sure 'Friends' lampshade this with an episode where they all get locked out and Monica even asks, 'Who locked the door? That door is never locked!'"

- rhapsody98

Questionable Family Dynamics

"An overweight, lazy husband with a smoking hot, nagging wife. Add in one rebellious teen and one nerdy kid and boom. The family sitcom recipe."

- chewedupshoes

The Hate for Wives

"The running joke in sitcoms is that every average American man hates their wife and is always complaining about her 'nagging' and just wants to hang with the boys and dreams about the single life or having more freedom but he’s a dad now."

"I think too many are sick of seeing that. It wasn’t really funny in the first place. And now society is trying to push many to see marriage as the ultimate goal anyway and vilifies people for wanting to be single."

- BellaBlue06

Minorities As Targets

"Black dude dies first. It's basically never done nowadays and the trope is almost always pointed out if there's even the possibility of it happening."

- CoolGuy69MLG

When we look through this thread, we can all think of examples of these old tropes, from smoking to consent, and fortunately, most of these shows are older.

As terrible as it might be that these tropes were once popular, it's at least refreshing to see that we are learning, that the entertainment industry is reflecting that, and some of these tropes are fading away.