People Confess The Juicy Gossip They've Learned In Their Personal Life
I definitely don't endorse gossiping. Do it all you want, just keep me out of it.
Like many people though, while I definitely don't like being involved in drama, I get a vicarious thrill from hearing about it.
Hearing juicy gossip is like watching an actual soap opera unfold in your own town. It's truly something.
It turns out that people are sitting on all sorts of secrets.
We heard some of them after Redditor jonhart989 asked the online community:
"What's some juicy gossip you just found out in your personal lives?"
"One student a few years back..."
"I teach kindergarten! One student a few years back was acting off, super hyper and behaving in ways she never had. When asked if she had taken her peanut butter at home (code for her ADHD medicine, as it was administered in a spoonful of peanut butter), she told us that her mom sold all of her peanut butter to some guy in their trailer park named Steve."
Oh dear. This tells you a lot about the environment that young girl lives in.
"I've heard so many stories."
"Hairdresser here, I've heard so many stories. People truly tell their personal business to their hairdressers as if we're therapists."
"Had a client, sweet middle aged woman, she brought up Scientology. Having heard and watched that show about it I went in about it. "Oh they're absolutely crazy, blah blah blah..." And, she blurts out that her son is a Scientologist."
"I wanted to sink into the floor, then had to backtrack and, agree about all of these "nice" things that they do and how, yeah, you're right, DEFINITELY not a cult. Yikes."
It's totally a cult.
Shame she doesn't see it.
"A local CEO..."
"A local CEO of a telecom company secretly disappears every winter for two weeks. He doesn't tell anyone where he goes. He's married and has children. One of my department's paramedics is gay and goes on gay cruises in the Caribbean. He spotted the CEO on one of the cruises during one of his disappearances."
That Atlantis Cruise sure wakes up people's inner desires, doesn't it?
"The mayor's wife..."
"The mayor's wife cheated on him with a member of the town council and then they got into a fist fight during a council meeting."
This is definitely juicy! Well, the whole town definitely found out what was up after that!
"My friend just dropped out of university to become an escort. He's happier, apparently."
Hey, if they are, more power to them!
Sex work is real work.
"My parents aren't going to lend out anymore..."
"That my brother asked my mom for a $1000 for rent, she gave him $1400 so he could also pay back a loan. Then he turned around and also asked my dad for $1000 for rent which he also gave him. He then turned around and used the money to buy tickets to Burning Man."
"My parents aren't going to lend out anymore money without talking to each other first."
I find it odd that a spouse wouldn't bring up that they'd lent money to someone...
"I just found out..."
"I just found out my neighbour has been having an affair with another one of my neighbours and the kids figured it out."
Nancy Drew and the Oh No Our Parents Are Banging.
"My ex after one week of being single started dating this SoundCloud rapper and now she’s pregnant with twins. We’re still in our teens."
But do his songs slap, tho?
Seriously, though, this is a wild ride.
"My dad is having an affair..."
"My dad is having an affair. Just found out 30 mins ago. Mom is devastated although I had my suspicions. They've been married for 46 years. Dad is 73."
This is so heartbreaking, especially after such a long marriage.
"That my uncle..."
"That my uncle left my auntie for the phone sex line worker he was calling for the last three years."
This is somehow so existentially sad...
There's no doubt that if you prick up your ears, you'll hear something juicy. Just don't gossip yourself. It definitely won't end well.
Reddit user 33-9 asked: 'What age did you stop giving a f**k and what situation triggered it?'
Let's be honest: We're all human here, and we all have our limits for how much we can take.
At some point, something will happen where we'll say, "That's it! I'm out!" But for some people, there will be something that will happen that will lead them to feel that way about... everything.
Curious how others felt, Redditor 33-9 asked:
"What age did you stop giving a f**k, and what situation triggered it?"
An Eye-Opening Moment
"I had a heart attack with greater than 95 percent blockage. I was a dead man walking."
"Every day is a gift now. I refuse to get stressed."
Putting Themselves First
"I finally pulled my head out of my @ss and realized that I need to put me first, and not be concerned about what others think of the things I say or do."
"All relationships with others are voluntary and conditional, so don't sacrifice yourself to preserve any of them."
"For context, I am currently 37."
"I overdosed at a kickback, and nobody called for help because they were scared of getting in trouble, making it clear that, ultimately, nobody gives a f**k about you or anything you do! They only care about themselves!"
Never the Same Again
"My dad died, and I stopped caring about anyone’s opinion of me and my life after he passed."
No Growth Mindset
"The biggest thing for me is people seeing you in the same light forever despite any changes or personal growth. It makes it difficult to actually take their opinion seriously."
No Work-Life Balance
"My boss at the time asked me if I was coming into work the day after I had an emergency major abdominal surgery."
"I quit the day I was released by doctors to come back."
A Very Sci-Fi Take
"I had the strange epiphany at 24 or 25 years old that everyone I encounter on a daily basis is just a meat suit that’s gonna die someday. Including mine. I drastically stopped giving a f**k about what people thought about me and my life after that."
On the Bonus Level
"I got the virus during the pandemic. I was in the hospital for 85 days. The doctors told my brother to prepare for my death."
"I'm living my bonus life. I did a lot of traveling the year after when I regained most of my health. I still get winded easily. I don't worry what strangers think when I dress like a slob. I don't let comments from strangers online bother me anymore."
"I'm direct with friends when they disrespect me rather than fret about it. I'm trying to be more kind and patient with others."
"A positive attitude helped me overcome that virus."
Cannot Keep Up the Charade
"It's hard to pin down because it happened so gradually. I can say that I was in my 40s when I started losing my ability to pretend to give a f**k, though."
A Coping Mechanism
"Like, I don't know, maybe 10 or 11 years old."
"As soon as I moved on from primary school, my mom doubled down on controlling everything about me and forced me to do all this work and sign on for s**t I didn't want to participate in, and I used apathy as a coping mechanism and haven't looked back since."
"Since she punished me for everything I did, I might as well become immune to the punishment and everything else along with it."
Prioritizing the Baby's Happiness
"When I had my baby."
"I’d never wear a one-piece because I thought I wouldn’t look nice, but then I took her swimming and wore it, and I didn’t give a s**t because the swimming made her happy."
"I didn’t smile too much before because of my teeth, but I do now constantly because my smiling makes her smile."
"A lot of things I used to be self-conscious about, I don’t have the time or worry for."
Imposter Syndrome: Over
"I gave a talk at a conference, and all my imposter syndrome evaporated. And since then, I have no f**ks left to give. Just doing my thing."
Them Against the World
"Three days ago. I got married."
"I worried too much about the wedding and the people in it but in the middle of it, I was just focusing on my wife being happy, so I gave no f**ks about what other people thought."
"It was our day, and I'm keeping this mentality up forever. It's her and me. That's it."
No F**ks From Birth
"I don't know if I ever gave a f**k. I’m a very no f**ks person."
"I think my mom tells this story when I was five, I said something like, 'Why does that matter? We all gonna die anyway.' She was kind of concerned that her five-year-old looked at life that way."
"However, life is too short to give any f**ks."
Just Not Worth It
"Various points between ages 17 and 19."
"People around me would criticize me for the dumbest things and/or things they also did, and I realized that for all the things they do to make my life harder, I only bent further backward to avoid problems."
"I could use some restored faith in humanity. But for now, while I look for that, if someone wants to mess with me, they have proven themselves unworthy of my energy. Screw them and their screwed-up, self-centered worldviews."
"Maybe someday I’ll find some genuinely good people who don’t give me panic attacks or cross boundaries on purpose. They have to be out there. I hope I can find them."
We've all had those moments of feeling like, "I have no f**ks left to give," but in some cases, it can feel like that applies to literally everything.
We can totally understand how these Redditors saw these as turning moments, and for many of them, it was overwhelmingly for the better.
Have you ever had a similar epiphany? Let us know in the comments below.
Having a routine makes life easier, plain and simple. Things becomes second nature like grabbing a coffee from the same shop at the same time in the morning and reaching for the soap without looking in the shower. But when we rely on habits too much, things can get messy. From accidentally throwing your phone in the trash to blurting out incomplete thoughts, these face palm moments will have you rolling in laughter.
Missing in Actionsilver key on black carPhoto by Ivan Shemereko on Unsplash
I was looking all over my house for my keys. Like, flipping over furniture, full-on panic hunting for these keys. Finally thought that I might have left them in the car. So I went outside, and realized that my car was locked. Purely out of habit, I automatically pulled my keys out of my pocket, unlocked the door, opened the door, and realized that I was a complete idiot.
Got Me Bobbing
I washed an apple at the sink, dried it with a paper towel, turned, tossed the apple in the trash, and stood there holding the paper towel like a dummy.
Rub a Duh, Duh
When I was six or seven years old, I was getting ready for a bath. My parents had already filled the tub with water and bubble bath mix, and all I had to do was take off my clothes and put them in the basket of dirty laundry. I took everything off and promptly threw it all in the soapy tub, instead of the hamper. I stood there and just stared at what I had done for a solid thirty seconds.
Can’t Forget to Say Bye
I had to take a bus to work every day at about 4 AM. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn't have to leave my car there for 14 hours. My wife's friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area. She was getting up early anyways, so she decided she’d take me and let my wife sleep.
When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed her goodbye. Then I felt this jolt of panic as I realized what I had done. My poor wife's friend had a dumbfounded look on her face, and I instantly turned red as I apologized profusely and said "Sorry, it was a habit." My wife poked fun at me for days for putting the moves on her friend.
Just Grazing By
When my daughter was very young, she loved trains. So, I'd take her on short train rides whenever I could. She couldn't get enough. Part of the routine was that, when we were on the train, we'd look out the windows and I'd point out the animals to her. I got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said, "Look! Moo cows!" when I was on the train by myself.
Going Off Scriptred and yellow love neon light signagePhoto by Eduardo Soares on Unsplash
I used to work for Comcast in their call center. I worked 3 PM-12 AM, so the only thing that was open when I would finish work was McDonald's. During the holidays, there’s unlimited overtime. I, being 19 and having no obligations at the time, decided to work non-stop until I fell down at my desk. One year, I worked three days straight.
I took my mandatory breaks every couple of hours and napped in the lunch room here and there. Finally, I decided I'd had enough at around 2 AM one morning. I stopped at the McDonald's drive thru because I wanted something hot to eat. Up to this point, I had subsisted on mints and packs of crackers from a vending machine.
The conversation at the window went something like this, “go ahead and order when you're ready,” the lady told me. I went, “Thanks for calling Comcast, home of the triple play. My name is so-and-so, how can I assist you today?” Then there was a very long, awkward pause. I ended up sleeping in the parking lot of that McDonalds.
I spent about the next 12 hours in my car. The manager eventually knocked on my window and asked me if I was homeless and if I needed to come in and warm up.
Not My Stop
I’m an ex-bus driver, and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop in my car...
Not Even Close
I was meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said, "Pete." My name is Tiffani.
Not the Sharpest
I was working the backline at an Arby's WAY back in the day. We used to get our sub buns by the foot, but all the subs we sold were six inches. One day, when I was really tired, I literally reached into the bag, grabbed a sub roll, cut it in half, then put the knife back in the bag, and tried to cut another sandwich with the sub bun. The manager laughed.
Is This How You Do It
I was signing for a parcel on one of those electronic machine things that delivery drivers use. On this particular day, I wasn't paying any attention and ended up staring at the screen, zoning out for a full minute, then instead of signing my name, I just drew a straight line on the screen and handing it back. The mailman was very confused.
What Comes Out Must Go In
I was woken up at 3:30 in the morning for a random substance test for baseball last semester. After I peed in the cup, I was so tired and on such intense autopilot that I did something disgusting. I mindlessly drank my own pee cup. I don't know why, but I did it. Luckily, I was so tired that I didn't register the taste, and there was still enough in the cup to test.
Need for Safety
I went to the cinema to watch the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace. I was running a little late so I missed the previews and walked in to find that the movie had already begun. There was a furious car chase on screen when I arrived. After I found a seat and sat down, I instinctively tried to find my seatbelt so I could buckle up.
Making It Fit
I poured milk into my baby's bottle then, since it was, like, four in the morning, I tried to hear the full milk carton in the microwave, instead of the bottle. The carton was way too big but instead of realizing I had the wrong thing, I just got angry that it wasn't fitting. I only stopped trying because my husband was there watching and he start laughing.
All Good Things Come to an End
I woke up without an alarm, had breakfast, took a bath, and drove half hour to my work feeling great. I even thought to myself on the way, "Lucky me, the traffic is very nice today." Just when I arrived, the security greeted me with the worst words possible: "Good morning, sir, working even over the holiday?" I drove all the way home and had a nap.
I’m always running to catch the subway after waiting at the crosswalk in front of the station. Once, I was casually walking with my friend in the same area and then started running when the cross sign lit up. He had no idea what was happening.
I’m Home!man sitting inside carPhoto by Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash
I drove home from Phoenix to Prescott. I got all the way to my old driveway before remembering that I had moved to Flagstaff about a month prior.
Everything Has Its Place
I tried to put the cat into the tool drawer and then almost put the poor thing into the fridge 30 seconds later.
Something’s Not Working
I stopped at a stop sign and waited at least a minute and a half for it to turn green.
Just Gonna Take That
I went to the grocery store, packed everything in my backpack at the self check-out, and went home. As soon as I got home, I remembered that I never actually paid. When I made the realization that I hadn’t paid, I went back, swiped my card at the self check-out, and ended my transaction. Nobody had even noticed it happened.
Habits of an Old Man
I've worked as a caregiver for adults with mental and physical disabilities for over a decade. I do basic care helping adult men do daily activities like shaving, buttoning shirts, and so on. On a date, I was a bit buzzed, so I started to fix my date's shirt and told him he needed to look in the mirror to see if he wanted a shave.
I Know What That Meansdried leaves and stones on train tracksPhoto by @felipepelaquim on Unsplash
I work on a train. On the railroad, you can get verbal permission to pass a red signal or flag either from the dispatcher or the employee who’d put the red flag there. You cannot under any circumstances pass a blue light or flag because that protects employees working on/under/between rolling stock beyond the blue signal from any danger.
Driving home in the car late one night, I decided to take a shortcut through the local university. I went around a corner and saw a blue light marking a call station. My immediate conclusion was, “Shoot, can’t go that way.”
Practicing Healthy Habits
I work with preschoolers, and we sing songs to help them wash their hands. I started singing the same song when I went out with some friends to a bar and needed to go to the bathroom. The other lady in the restroom gave me the weirdest look...
Looks Right to Me
I was getting my car out of the parking lot and heading back home after a long day. Shortly after I started driving, I passed by a car that was identical to mine and thought, "Cool, I found my car." Nope. I was so wrong. I got out my car (which I had already found) and went to get into a stranger's car, thinking I'd discovered my own vehicle. Halfway through, I realized what I was doing and looked around hoping nobody saw.
I was sitting in math class one day, and I was just humming to myself while the teacher was explaining something on the board. She went to turn off the projector, which was beside my desk. Then, still standing next to me, she gave me this strange look and asked me, "Is something wrong?" I had been very deep in thought.
So much so, that I had lost the tune but kept humming, so I was now just humming a long, low "hmm" without any change in pitch. So, yeah, that was embarrassing.
Sometimes in the shower, I fill my mouth with water, and just let it pour out. One day, before work, I was brushing my teeth and standing in the bathroom fully dressed in my work clothes. But my brain thought I was in the shower, so I just let the toothpaste pour slowly out of my mouth and onto my outfit. Now my boyfriend warns me not to "drool toothpaste" all over myself.
Been Here, Done Thatcooked foodPhoto by Eiliv Aceron on Unsplash
I lived in the same house for 16 years before I moved. Years later, I did a bit of summer work as a construction worker on the house where I used to live. When I came in the first day, it was like traveling back in time. I mindlessly did what I always did when I lived there. I waltzed into the kitchen during the family’s breakfast, opened the fridge, and looked for something to eat.
I came to myself and looked up. The family was staring at me with their jaws dropped. Like, the breakfast table forks were paused in mid-air at this unknown construction worker making himself right at home. I was so embarrassed. I backed out stammering the whole time and trying to have them understand, “I used to live here.” I was not allowed inside again.
I went to the doctor's office, took off my sweater for a flu shot, and realized my t-shirt was on inside out. I got home, took off my t-shirt, and realized my bra was inside out.
Which Is Which
I work with both a phone and radio at work and have answered my phone with, "base, go ahead," and my radio with, "Lincoln county Transit." I have also had my radio go off and picked up my to-go cup of coffee and used it to try and respond. I use a straw with my coffee, and in my half-awake mind, I thought it was the antenna.
Losing the Scruff
I started to trim my beard and didn't see that the guard was off. A huge swath of beard was gone in one swipe. My two-year-old still refers to me during the beardless months as "Creepy Daddy." I am not allowed to shave it off again.
Excels in Observation
I have two kids and am in the habit of pointing out things I think they’ll like such as rainbows, the moon, nice dogs, and stuff like that. One day at work, I turned to a young male childless colleague and said, “Oh, look over there, a kitty cat!!” He gave me a weird look and stopped making small talk with me after that.
Two Strikes Againstfive orange fruits and one black smartphone on waterPhoto by Khiet Tam on Unsplash
I put my phone under the faucet to fill up my water bottle. I recognized my mistake. And then I did it again.
What Are You Yelling About?
I work as a housekeeper, and when we knock on doors, we yell, “Housekeeping,” and when we throw laundry down the chute, we yell, “Heads,” for those below to mind their heads. One day, I knocked on a door and loudly yelled, “Heads!” Later that day, the back of my mind remembered my mistake and made sure to “Correct it.” Unfortunately, I underestimated my own stupidity.
I over-corrected by stupidly yelling, “Housekeeping!" down the laundry chute.
I Meant to Do That
Once, I ate pizza at a friend's house and, out of habit, threw the crust on the floor for the dog. Those friends didn't have a dog.
Can’t Forget to Mention
"Here you go, if you need anything else, just let me know,” I said as I graciously put down the plate with food I cooked for the only person in the room. Me.
Dude, Where’s My Car?
I got my license at age 25 after moving from the city to a tiny town. I was so used to walking everywhere that one day I drove somewhere, forgot I’d driven, and walked back to work. I finished work and thought, “Oh, my car’s not there, must have walked in today,” so I walked home. I got home, and the car was not there.
So, I thought, “Oh, must’ve left it at mom’s,” but it wasn’t there, nor was it at the shops or the pool. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone if they had seen it and had absolutely no idea where I’d left it, so I just kept walking everywhere for three or four days. Eventually, my housemate saw it and asked if I was ever picking it up.
Changing Behaviorsmacro shot of yellow train hanging handlesPhoto by Jad Limcaco on Unsplash
I've been working with children for seven years. When I'm really distracted, I go into teacher mode. If I'm traveling with people, I'll count them on and off public transport, offer everyone water and snacks if I have them, and tell complete strangers to "use your walking feet/inside voice" if they're running or shouting.
Why Did You Do That?
I was talking to my boyfriend while he was eating a sandwich. Mid-sentence, he ripped a piece off and threw it at my face. He looked stunned when I didn't open my mouth and catch it. We have a dog who begs for food at the table all the time. When we realized that my boyfriend had accidentally forgotten I was a human woman and not a dog, we both nearly peed laughing.
I Guess I’m Up Now
I woke up, automatically got out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, packed up my backpack, headed out of my dorm, and happened to glance at the clock in the lounge. Then the other shoe dropped. It was 1:30 AM.
Thrown to the Wolves
My dog's favorite part of the day is dinner time. I pull out her food and get a scoop of kibble; she starts wagging and doing the tippy-taps. One day, instead of going to her bowl, I dumped the full scoop into the trash can. She just looked at me with the saddest eyes. I felt so terrible, so she got extra food and pets.
At the gym, there is an arm curl machine. Typically, I do a heavy amount, but that day I was tired and pretty brain fried. As I used the machine, I didn’t realize that there was no weight on it, and I tried curling it with effort as normal. I ended up slamming myself in the head with the bar. Everybody in the building saw.
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Servicepeople sitting on chair inside buildingPhoto by Phil Mosley on Unsplash
For this to make sense, you need to know that I always take my shirt off after my shoes when I get undressed. So, there I was at around 4:30 in the morning heading through security to fly across the country for a festival. I was nowhere close to awake and running on autopilot. I was throwing my stuff on the conveyor, taking my shoes off, and then automatically started to take my shirt off.
The very attractive TSA lady was like, "Slow down, sir, we just met." I didn't know they came with a sense of humor.
I came into work at the front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walked in with a dog in her arms. I always chat with people about their dogs because people love to talk about their dogs and often tip a little more when they feel like they’ve connected with you. Looking back, this was a mistake.
I didn't have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of, "Hey, what can I get you,” “Here is your total,” and, “Would you like a receipt?" I leaned over the counter, locked my sleep-starved, unfocused, googly eyes on this poor woman, and blurted out, “Your dog. Who is he?" and then expectantly stared at her.
I stared like it was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kind of word-vomited at her. She kind of stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer, and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more. I don't remember what I said, but it was not an improvement.
Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bath Water
I went to check the mail, grabbed my keys, and remembered, “Oh yeah! There’s garbage and recycling that needs to go out!” So I stopped at the mailbox, retrieved my mail, threw away the garbage, threw away the mail, and threw away my keys. A neighbor asked if I was going to need those. I kind of stopped, realized what I'd done, and mumbled, "Oh nooo."
Getting Ready to Go
I started unbuttoning and unzipping my pants while I walked towards the toilet just like I do at home because I'm efficient like that. There was just one problem: I was not at home. I was at work. And I was walking through the shared office.
Problems Saying Goodbye
This guy I had a HUGE crush on was leaving my apartment. He said something along the lines of, "All right, this was fun, I'll see you later on." I didn't feel capable of waving, so I did a weird circular motion with my arms, snapped both fingers into finger-pointers at him, and then winked. WHY?
Did You Want Something?group of person eating indoorsPhoto by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
As a teenager, I worked at McDonald's. My McDonald's was open 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up. My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie walked to the table and then sat there. My dad asked me to say grace. I bowed my head and tried my best.
I said, "Thank you for choosing McDonald's, may I take your order?"
Control Your Volume
I guess I listen to too many podcasts because I keep trying to pause work conference calls. I’ve also caught myself trying to increase my husband’s volume by pushing buttons on my phone while we’re in a room together having a conversation.
Are We Leaving Yet?
I had just finished getting my hair cut when I walked out of the salon to get into my car. I got into the back seat and sat there for a full minute before realizing that I drove myself there. Oh, but it gets worse. The salon had a glass storefront, and I was parked front and center. Everyone saw me have my epiphany moment and then humiliatingly get in the front seat to drive home.
I finally got a job as a consultant that I had been trying to get for years. It was just a position at our local grocery store, but the department was the best in town, so I was pumped. I was doing a great job and getting regulars at my tastings. One time, I hosted a tasting with a fairly expensive bottle of champagne.
I opened the bottle, and it started fizzing since it wasn't cooled enough yet, and my instant reaction was to start chugging it because that's what you do with soda. But this was not soda. It was much more expensive than soda, and I was chugging it in the middle of the sales floor while on the clock in a grocery store.
Here Come the Water Works
I had a deadline, and I was very sleep deprived. I drank a lot of coffee so I had to visit the washroom a lot. During one particular visit late at night, I went to wash my hands as usual but the tap wouldn't budge. I kept turning it, yet no water would come out. So, I did what other adults would do when that happens. I cried.
I called for someone to check it saying that I broke the tap in between gasps. My boyfriend walked to the sink and magically fixed the tap. I was turning it the wrong way.
Most people aim to have a perfect relationship.
But what does that exactly mean?
What is deemed "perfect" varies among couples. For some, it means a relationship is free of problems and that maintaining perpetual bliss is attainable if you're with the right person.
But there is one variable that can make or break relationships, and that is physical intimacy.
Curious to explore more about the significance of physical passion, Redditor iphonexmas asked:
"How important is sex for you in a relationship?"
It becomes a problem when it is a problem.
Perspective In Percentages
"If our sexlife is working well it’s 10% of the relationship. If it is not working it’s 90% of the relationships."
"Good answer and very true in my experiences. When the sex is great and consistent, it's a non issue and something I don't even think of. It gets very apparent that something is wrong when it dies down considerably."
"I hadn't thought about it this way until now and it's incredibly true."
"I was in a relationship for 4 years where sex was a constant issue. I constantly craved and needed it. In a way I felt starved of intimacy and closeness with the woman I loved. I was beginning to wonder if she even found me attractive or if she even loved me at all. It really weighed on me in ways that I didn't expect. Sex became an all consuming thing in my life and eventually was part of what drove us apart."
"I'm now in a relationship where we have satisfying sex on a somewhat regular basis. We'll sometimes go several days without doing it but other days we can barely keep our hands off each other. In the end, I never feel unwanted or undesirable. Our sex life is a complete non-issue and I couldn't be happier. I don't obsess over it like I used to. I don't feel like I'm pressuring my partner and feel less disgusted with myself."
Is It A "Me" Problem?
"I am literally going through exactly what youve described. It’s affected my mental health that much that I constantly go to the gym,eat as best as possible and even had a go on anabolics. My thoughts were She’ll find me attractive if I get in better shape,get bigger, more muscular."
"But no, nothing ever seemed to change,unfortunately that girl is just not attracted to me the same way as I am to her and it’s painful. What’s wrong with me?!🤷🏼♂️"
"I feel like I’ve got a Ferrari outside that I can’t drive. Yeah it’s nice to look at but the engine is missing."
"There’s only so many times over the years a man can hear the words 'no' before he gets fed up."
People like using metaphors.
"Well put. It's like water that way. If you're getting it regularly, then you can take it for granted. If you're not getting it regularly, then ... we have problems."
Waiting To Exhale
"Sex is a lot like air. It's no big deal if you're getting it."
"Sex is certainly not like sand."
"I hate sand, it gets everywhere."
People learned from previous relationships where the lack of sex was an issue.
It's A Must
"Very important, my first relationship turned into a dead bedroom situation and for me that's a 'never again'."
Realizing When It's Time To Move On
"Not OP, but I had the same situation. It was a 3 year relationship, and I started noticing it after the first year. It gradually got worse over the next 2 years."
"When I finally had sex again after the relationship, I was blown away. It was probably average sex, but it was just so bad in the prior relationship that it felt incredible."
"Both people need to actually enjoy getting the other person off. Once it becomes a chore, I don't think it can even be repaired. Sadly, you have to move on. But don't feel too bad. It's incredibly common. I was best friends with my ex. Everything seemed perfect. Well, almost everything. That's what made it so hard to have the conversation."
Compatible In Every Other Way
"My partner is also my best friend and everything else is great. Like in every aspect of life we match so well except the bedroom. In the first year it was great but then not so much.. I'm so scared of ending this wonderful relationship solely because of the libido mismatch, but I feel like we've tried so much to save it and it isn't working sadly. Intensive therapy would be the last step."
"I fear I won't find somebody who is so compatible with me in every way ever again. Probably irrational but it's how I feel right now. So scared of letting this go."
"I've kind of lost the ability to look forward to sex? If you know what I mean. The rare time that it is about to happen, I just question it, eh it isn't going to happen or I cannot get into it. I feel like I'm somehow broken, my libido has gone down but I don't feel like it's natural, just a response to my partner's lower libido."
"Sex in my marriage is down to maybe once or twice a month. This may be fine for my wife, but I’m a pretty horny guy. At the same time, at this point I’ve pretty much given up expecting sex. I just assume it’s not going to happen and maybe she’ll let me know when she wants it. The sex itself is pretty good, even if it’s usually nothing special in terms of how we do it."
"I recognize that giving birth to two kids and the stress of everyday life can play havoc on libido, so I don’t blame her (especially since she has chronic back problems). And for a year we also had houseguests that made sex even more difficult. Now they left. There’s just nothing I can do to my own libido, so I just satisfy myself privately when I can. Obviously not the same, but I’d rather get it over with than have my mind be filled with sex all day. It’s also difficult not to remember the early years of our relationship when we f'ked like rabbits. But I don’t want to bring it up and make her feel guilty"
For some, settling is better than separating.
Still In Love
"I've been married 20 years, the bedroom wasn't quite dead but I've remained HL while my spouse went from HL to LL gradually over a period of a decade or so. More recently, a mix of medical and other issues got in the way and we haven't had sex in nearly a year. Does it suck? Yes. Do we still love each other? Also yes."
"In my late 20s, I would have said I could never live in a committed, sexless relationship. But here I am, and while I'm not happy about that part of the relationship, I'm very happy with the person I picked."
Based on the examples above, sex is very important and is key to having a fulfilling relationship.
If an individual is not feeling desirable or wanted by their significant other, it can be a motivator for them to seek satisfaction outside the relationship.
Also, the importance of sex in a relationship is just as important as communication. If neither party addresses the elephant in the room, it can breed resentment.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
There are a lot of old platitudes about familial bonds, mostly focused on preserving the relationship with relatives—especially immediate family—no matter what.
But public attitudes have shifted in part due to greater awareness of the harm caused by unhealthy relationships.
Now people discuss relationships with terms like gaslighting, toxic, emotional blackmail and going no/low contact.
The once taboo act of cutting family members out of your life has gained greater acceptance.
But what do the family members—especially parents—excised feel?
Reddit user bridge2235 asked:
"People who have adult children that don’t talk to you. Why do you think that is?"
"I was very deep in resolving my own trauma when my kids were growing up. I was often distant and emotionally unavailable."
"I wasn’t the parent they deserved. It is the greatest sorrow of my life; I did to my kids what my mom did to me."
"I can’t be sorry enough."
"From the other parent's perspective, my adult children (25 and 23) do not communicate with their father at all."
"Long story short, he remarried about a week after our divorce was final and he and his new wife went on to have children of their own. Over time, his visits with the children because more infrequent and stressful due to his wife's distaste for me and my children."
"He has had no contact with the kids in over 3 years and his previous attempt was 4 years before that."
"My youngest says he will never forgive his father for replacing us all with a new family and forgetting us. The oldest says it's just not worth chasing someone who has no interest."
"Personally, I'm sad and angry on their behalf. He divorced me, not them."
"I want to say, the amount of people who say they've experienced this same issue astounds me, and breaks my heart."
"I just do not understand a parent who can walk away from their child(ren). Even when it's been hard and I've had to be both Mom and Dad, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything."
"Mom here. My 23-year-old hasn't spoken to me in four years. It was completely my fault."
"I've struggled with addiction (alcohol) and for most of her childhood I was bad. I hope to be able to apologize to her someday."
"But, I completely understand and respect her decision."
"My step daughter is an addict and mentally ill. Her son was placed in our custody by the state three years ago at 13 months old and she has never made the effort to regain custody."
"Her rights were terminated last year and we adopted him last month when the state gave us the choice."
"She has hated us ever since he was placed here and has convinced herself that we stole her child."
"She only contacted my husband if she wanted money, which he won't give her so that makes her hate us more."
"My daughter went through a traumatic event when she found out her Mom was having an affair with a junkie. Daughter was furious at her Mom for destroying the family."
"Mom flipped out, threatened [to hurt herself] to our daughter’s face, blaming her. At that moment, everything shifted and daughter became the nurturer to her Mom, who regressed into childhood—a complete switching of roles when my daughter really needed a Mom.
"Mom wasn’t safe to be angry at (for fear she’d hurt herself), so I became the target."
"We talk, but it’s so terse and superficial that it’s close to non-communication. I’d like to talk through what happened, even in a therapeutic setting, but daughter says that’s off the table."
"It’s very common for the kids to seek affection more from the abusive parent, who does not give it freely. It’s also common for the non-abusive parent to get all the deflected emotions that the abusive parent has trained the children not to point their way."
"The safe person always becomes the punching bag. Happens in any kind of relationship."
"There's a woman at church and every week she asks for prayers during prayer requests. At first I thought it was kinda cute but it's over a year later and she always asks for prayers that her children will speak with her again."
"She claims to have been the best mother and, one-by-one, all three of her adult children and thus her grandchildren stopped speaking with her. But she did everything right—she fed them, she clothed them, she put them through school.
"Which to me sounds like the bare minimum that you're supposed to do as a parent and not 'everything', but OK."
"I gave her the benefit of the doubt but then, every week, another piece of the puzzle would come out."
"She tried calling but her numbers blocked. She tried to find them on social media but she's blocked."
"How strange—she says she was such an excellent mother, why would they block her?"
"She tried reaching out again and received a handwritten letter on why she should never contact them again, but we never heard the contents of the letter."
"We were just supposed to pity her and have sympathy and assume that these entire separate groups of people were evil and were doing her emotional harm."
"I got to know her and she is an abusive narcissist and nothing short of pure evil. All the red flags you'd expect are there. But, every week it's pray to Jesus for me everybody, my evil ungrateful children, blah, blah, blah."
"I'd like to hope she is just clueless but I understand she is sick and probably doesn't know how horrible she really is. I feel very, very bad for her kids but very happy they were strong enough to break away from that hot mess."
"It almost brings me physical pain now when she asks for prayers that her kids will talk to her again, because I know all she wants to do is resume hurting them."
"Probably my mom. Tell Susan I said 'Hi'."
"Or don’t actually. You should probably go no contact also before she wrecks your life, too. "
"I’m lucky. Both my adult children call me multiple times a week. But my ex (their father) complains that our daughter rarely calls him."
"I’ve told him many, many times that if he wanted her to call more often he needs to listen to her."
"He’s a pretty narcissistic dude who only wants to talk and if he takes a breath and you try to jump into the conversation, he either gets louder to drown you out or he goes dead silent, clearly in his 'waiting until you shut up so I can talk' mode."
"He never asks questions or expresses any interest in their lives."
"My son puts up with it because he can direct some of the conversation by bringing up sports or interesting historical stuff or books or whatever and then they can have somewhat of a discourse (although listening to the inevitable droning lecture is always included)."
"My daughter has little patience for that so she rarely calls him. Even after I told him what he should try, he ignores me, which is what he did for nearly the entirety of our marriage."
"He still periodically bemoans the fact that she doesn’t call."
"My mother told me, three weeks after I lost my father/best friend at fourteen, that he told her on his deathbed that 'Adopting me was his greatest mistake'."
"It stuck with me my whole life. I'm 38, and now know it wasn't true. But that narcissistic b*tch can rot in Hell."
"I think my Uncle would say it's because his sons were brainwashed by their wives."
"The truth is, I think my cousins didn't see that my Uncle's (diagnosed) narcissism wasn't normal, because they were raised by him."
"Their wives, as outsiders, pointed this out to them for the first time and they made their decision from there."
"[I'm the] parent. It’s because I f'ked up and neglected the relationship."
"I wasn’t the father she deserved. It’s that simple."
"I came from an abusive, chaotic household. My father never once said he loved me. I said I would be different. Although I love her, my actions did not reflect it.
"Throughout her childhood, I can remember so many times that I had the chance to demonstrate my feelings. I had the chance to make moments into impactful teaching moments and core memories for her."
"Looking back, it’s not that I missed those chances. I NEVER TOOK THE SHOT. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I have told myself that I have failed at many things in life, but that I am not a failure."
"I can’t lie to myself here. As a father, I failed. It hurts, but I know it’s nothing compared to the hurt and damage I’ve caused to her. I put her on what could be a long road, an uphill battle to learn to love herself."
"I hope she’s stronger than I was and never feels that she wasn’t good enough for me to love her. I wasn’t good enough of a man to be her father. I didn’t deserve her."
"She really was a good kid despite the pain I know she lived with. I can’t tell her I’m sorry. She’s an adult now and has gone no contact."
"I lost her. This is the one true failure I will have to live with. And die with."
"I'm going to pretend my Dad wrote this and accept that him ignoring me, my daughter, my husband, and our life we've made, is really that simple."
"He neglected the relationship. He's not the father I deserve."
"You don't need to hear him say it to know it's true. If your dad wasn't there for you and wasn't the father you deserve, that's on him."
"It hurts you too, but it's not your fault and had nothing to do with you."
"My children are low contact. I feel it's fair. Their mother has Bi-Polar Disorder."
"She was violent and abusive. She has gotten help since then but she still hurt them in the past."
"I did not protect them. Them not being around me is justified. They should be angry."
"We f'ked up. They didn't do anything wrong and they need to heal as they see fit."
"Kids not being around their parents have valid reasons. Most people just can't accept it."
"I had PTSD and didn't deal with it. In short I was a sh*tty dad."
"Not sure how many people understand PTSD, even those of us that have it. You look normal, no one can really tell you are emotionally/mentally screwed up."
"It's very unpredictable and unpredictable can be rough on kids. I yelled too much and have worked hard to stop."
"Hope you aren't in a blame cycle and have forgiveness for yourself. It's hard."
"I am a parent of a child—daughter—who does still talk to me but rarely and I fully accept that it is my fault."
"I was an immature parent and made some bad decisions in addition to being inconsistent with my parenting due to immaturity."
"I am also on the spectrum but that’s something I didn’t find out until a few years ago when my son was diagnosed."
"I know I wasn’t great and I understand my daughter and I try to give her space."
"A cousin’s parents fired him from their very successful family business because he refused to take his wife and children to their church and worship the way they did. In retaliation he and his wife refused to allow his parents to see the grandchildren."
"They sued. They lost. They never were able to see their grandchildren and eventually died."
"He ended up with the business anyway by default, not by the will. They lost decades of grandchildren just by being stubborn."
"Nobody in the family had anything to do with them the last 35 years of their lives and they were miserable."
"Parents, if you f'k over your children don't expect to every have your grandchildren."
"Child here and I just want to say, huge props to the parents taking accountability."
"I wonder if mine will ever do the same."
Redditor Fivepurplehoodies provided sound advice for parents.
"Just love and respect your kids. Do your best."
"Admit that you sometimes miss the mark, even if you had the best intentions."
"Don’t invalidate your kids’ experiences."
"That’s it. That’s all."
That's good advice for all family relationships.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 by phone or text or via chat on their website: https://988lifeline.org/
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/