If there's one thing we can rely on marvelous parents for, besides love, support, healthcare, a house, food, and clothing, is to remember us at out lowest. Mistakes are easy to make and, thankfully, good parents are there to pick us back up, dust us off, and make fun of us for the rest of our lives.
Reddit user, u/unsanemaker, wanted the best of our worst when they asked:
Do You Know...?
When my brother was really little he was really into WWF and WWE. He wanted to be a wrestler and he started calling himself "the muscle man" but he couldn't pronounce "muscle" so it came out "muffin".
We still call him the muffin man, hes 27.
Get The Point?Giphy
Ugh. When I dated an...interesting... guy for a bit in high school. He was really into swords. Every new guy I meet, the first thing they say is... But how many swords does he have? They think they're pretty damn funny.
If he had enough time to go out with you he wasn't studying the blade enough.
Good point! Unfortunately I wasn't sharp enough back then to get a handle on things.
I Can Hit The Point. I Promise.
Throwing a dart into my brothers bare foot because I convinced myself I was good enough to throw it exactly between his toes.
This...Feels Like Their Fault
A few years ago I was eating dinner with my mom and brother and started choking on a piece of food. Couldn't breathe, couldn't speak. I fell out of my chair and writhed on the floor before managing to dislodge the food.
The entire time my mom and brother laughed because they thought I was joking, and then yelled at me for not letting them know I was choking. Almost four years later if I even remotely choke on anything they remind me to fall onto the floor so that they know I'm being serious.
Yeah. This Makes Sense.
I didn't get to walk in my high school graduation. Had to go to 2 weeks of summer school (over some bullsh-t, but whatever). I've graduated college, graduated graduate school, walked at all of them just for my mom.
I'm now a full time college professor and my mom STILL holds not walking in my high school graduation over my head.
Can't Argue With Science
When I was turning like 5 or 6 my mom joked that she was taking away my birthday because I was growing up too fast. I freaked out because I'm a kid and I love my birthday.
Now I'm 27 and every year on my birthday she says I'm a year younger because she took away my birthday that one time.
A Perfectly Good Dirt Snack
When I was 6 or 7, I was outside playing on our swing set. As I was swinging, I was looking at the ground and saw a fruit snack. It was covered in dirt but I stopped swinging, picked it up, blew the dirt off, and was about to stick it in my mouth when suddenly I hear my mom banging on the dining room window, motioning me to come inside. She told me if I wanted a fruit snack I just needed to ask and then she gave me a pack of them.
She has told this story to every friend or boyfriend I've ever introduced her to. It's not even that funny or great of a story. But it's the one story she has that she thinks will embarrass me. But I was a kid, and I saw a fruit snack.
Of course I was going to try to eat it.
Do You Know A Better Way?
Whenever my parents are talking with other parents about shenanigans pulled by young children my dad likes to bring up the time he came home from work to see 3 year old me up on the kitchen counter, with an entire package of cinnamon raisin bagels having been split in half and de-raisined. He asked me what I was doing and I very proudly exclaimed "I'm eating raisins!"
That's Quite A Technique
I was trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver on my sister to show our dad what I had learned that day in school but instead, I was just...violently humping her back because I didn't know you were supposed to tighten your arms around the diaphragm.
To this day they call it the "Humpback Maneuver"
A Bite To Forget
when I was younger (at least 4 years old), we were at Disneyland [Paris] with my cousins family. when walking around the park, I got tired and my uncle decided to give me a piggy back ride. I don't remember doing this but apparently to my dad, he hear my uncle shout "OW!", when questioned, my uncle said I had bit his ear. full on bit his ear.
Showing The Goods
A bit late but my parents love to tell the story about a young boi (me) standing naked at our window. The window is directly at a main traffic road.
Best part is I did it because my twin gave me 5 bucks. The call from the neighbours my mom received were worth it I [guess]
Stroganoff? No, Never Again.
When I was around 12 I decided to cook dinner and dessert for my Mum's birthday. For main I cook beef stroganoff, we sit down to eat and it is...completely inedible. Mum is asking me questions trying to work out where it went so wrong. Turns out when the recipe called for a cup of stock, it DID NOT mean a cup of stock powder straight from the tin.
Thinking dessert would salvage the night I dish up golden syrup dumplings (with ice cream). Instead of the dumplings being soft and delicious, they are more like golden golf balls. No spoon could break them. I used plain flour instead of self raising flour. The ice cream was great. Mum still laughs and imitates me resting my head in the table in defeat. It happened nearly 20 years ago and I will not ever live it down.
I have not made beef stroganoff since.
Confusing Swimming With Something Else
My dad played with a travel softball team throughout my childhood. I went to surrounding states all of the time for his games. We were at a hotel pool when I was three, about to head inside. My mom was holding my newborn little sister, and she and my dad were talking to one of my dad's teammates. When I was younger, I was obsessed with swimming, and I snuck back into the water.
I was holding my breath and underneath, and I also didn't know how to swim. My dad jumps into the pool fully clothed, yanks me up, and asks me, "What were you doing?!" I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I was swimming!" Not missing a beat, he told me, "You weren't swimming, you were drowning!" I can't go around a body of water without this story being brought up.
You Just Need The Right Motivation, Is All
My brother and I were in the playroom and I was laying on the mat on my tummy maybe two metres away from my brother. He then went into the kitchen to ask my mum for a knife and fork and when my mum came back down with him she saw me laying next to the plate grabbing at the pancakes. My mum then asked my brother "____ did you move your sister over here?" And my brother replied "no she was on the mat". I crawled for the first time, towards pancakes. This gets brought up every time we have pancakes.
Time Is Nothing To Kids
When I was a kid, like 4-5, I apparently walked up to my parents and said "I broke my arm falling from a tree when I was 23."
So when I turned 23, any time I'd climb they'd make jokes about it.
I keep reminding them it was PAST TENSE. Past lives and sh-t.
Confusion As To What We Are
When my brother was 5 and I was 3, we were at the YMCA swimming pool, and out of nowhere, my brother says really loud, "Dad? Are we Mexican?" Now, my brother and I are biracial, so we look Mexican, but we aren't.
The ENTIRE pool went silent as my dad had to explain to my brother that we weren't.
"I made it and it was mine."
That when I was learning to use the toilet I never wanted to flush my poop down because "I made it and it was mine." My mom's absolute FAVOURITE story of me...
It's All. Your. FAULT.
My Jewish mother still reminds me how she was in labor for 10 hours before I was born.
It's like it was my fault, and that I had some control over it. She says "You don't remember, but it's the truth". Of course I don't remember, Ma!
That's just the typical Jewish guilt machine working its wonders.
A Funeral To Never ForgetGiphy
So when I was 6-7, we were visiting Georgia cause one of my uncles was dying. It was a really solemn affair, not a lot of fun, and sort of a miserable time for everyone. So little me, a bit bored, and looking for something to get my mind off of things, started chasing their cat around because I loved cats. A lot. Like in that little kid way that cats hate, where you just pick them up in a bear hug and squeeze them until they claw at you to get away.
So I'm chasing this cat, and it runs through its cat tunnel on the cat scratch post/palace thing it had. Obviously, I launch myself flat out into this thing after it, and wedge my arms against myself with my elbows, and my hands just stuck right in front of my face. I made it about halfway through the tunnel.
I struggled for like 20 minutes by myself trying to get out, and man, I'm just STUCK. So finally I started crying, and my family heard and came over. I'm all embarrassed cause I can't get out, and they're just laughing like crazy. Finally, my oldest brother says, "I'll get him out!" grabs me by the ankles, and with all his might His 13 year old self could muster, yanks my jeans clean off.
My whitey-tightey bums just out there for to see. I was mortified, and they just laughed and laughed. Like several of them fell onto the ground laughing. They did finally rescue me by pulling my hands through, so I wasn't so wedged in there. I guess all in all, it helped them get some laughter in a sucky time. It gets brought up from time to time, but really it's fine.
We've all said something stupid, let's not lie to ourselves.
It's okay to say something stupid. It showcases the real person on the inside, that we're all flawed, imperfect, and made of cooky combinations of words that don't necessarily line up to make sense. Sometimes we're nervous in a situation, other times we're just hitting 'Quick Reply' in our brains and what comes out doens't work, but whatever the reason, you for sure are going to remember it, late at night, for the rest of your life.
What is the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth?
You may not have to change your home address because of these moments, but you should probably reconsider how many public outings you go to afterwards.
Should Probably Never Shop At That Store Again
"When the cashier said "Have a nice day", and I replied with "No, thanks".
"Background: I wasnt thinking straight that day, and thought they said "Do you want a bag"
That's. How. Twins. Work?
"Her: the twins are 3 years old"
"Me: Both of them?"
"Oh no this unearthed a memory i had buried from kindergarten lmao"
"We had a set of twins in our classroom and once on their birthday party I said "your brother got such a cool party, i hope yours is nice like this too" to one of them and he was like "yeah, this one"
"4 year old me was not a very bright kid"
That's. How. Death. Works...
"Watching the documentary 'The Last Dance' when a Kobe interview pops up -"
"Me: "Wow, they must have filmed this before Kobe died."
"My wife: "Yeah, obviously…."
The cringe comes out of nowhere, and you're not even sure how you were able to ask something so incredibly stupid, but here you are. Lounging in the stupid air.
You Should Have Asked What "Nothing" Tastes Like Next
"In my head I was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume. What I said out loud however was "How much does a pound of water weigh?"
Keep Up With Me
"A couple of months ago, I got up and drove to work as usual. Later, my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car. I told her I wasn't sure, but she could grab my spare key and go check."
"In my car."
"Which I had driven to work."
Black Is White, White Is Black
"I don't understand why people place bets on who wins, why not just place bets on who loses?"
"Yeah took me a minute to register what I said..."
And then there's these stories, where the person is probably better off cutting off any human contact henceforth going forward. These are rough to get through, folks.
Should Probably Have A Chat With HR After This
"I was about 4 months into my current job, feeling confident being fresh off the contract-to-hire period, now moved into a coveted full time role. While walking back to my office from the morning kanban I was stopped by my boss, head peeking out of the office:"
"Boss: "Hey TheMediator, do you have a sec?"
"Me: "For you, I've got lots of secs!"
"Boss: wide-eyes, mouth dropped"
"If you're curious why this was incredibly stupid/embarrassing, try saying the phrase "lots of secs" out loud. Preferably, not to your boss though."
You Don't Need College Anymore. Go Home. Bury Your Head In The Sand.
"In my freshman year of college I was dorming next door to a couple cute girls. About a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room in her towel still wet. We were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says…"
"I know I look stunning…(sarcastically)"
"To which I replied, "don't flatter yourself."
"I had to slid a note under her door explaining I was tongue tied as she was beautiful and I meant to say "don't be hard on yourself, you look great." (Or something to that nature). We became good friends."
It's In The Descriptor?
"Chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell. I told him he should be at home, resting."
"It's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat."
Oh Good Lord...
"Asked my friend how his mom was doing at his moms funeral."
"Jesus Christ this is the worst one on this thread. What was his response?"
"He looked at me and then the casket and kind of smirked. I awkwardly started to try and explain and just said "I'm an idiot. You know I love you. Talk to you in a bit." He makes fun of me now and I can't stop laughing. It's a positive painful memory."
Own up to your mistakes. You'll garner more respect by acknowledging the awkward things you say, however, it's perfectly fine to laugh about it in the moment. That's probably the easiest way to escape the deep, deep shame.
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The advice "fake it til you make it," though often said with at least a hint of sarcasm, does carry quite a bit of wisdom.
By simply putting one foot in front of the other, weathering the chaos of not knowing what's happening as you learn as fast as possible, we can find ourselves further than we expected.
Once we're there, reaping the fruits of all our "faking," we somehow begin to take on a new identity in people's eyes They assume we've always been in control and known what was going on. They defer to us for advice.
But that couldn't be further from the truth. So we keep on faking it.
Redditor espectro11 asked:
"What's your 'I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far' moment?"
Many Redditors discussed their experiences navigating the intimidating environment of job applications, interviews, and offers.
Oh Right, Getting Paid
"I gave my resume to fancy private school (I'm a teacher, but new to the field) and I didn't expect a call back. But they called me today to ask my expected salary and I said 'I don't know what the average is. Let me Google it.' "
"Ya girl was not prepared."
"When I went for a walk-in interview looking like crap and they hired me on the spot. I get they were hiring for a new store, but they up and said 'if you want the job it's yours, when can you start?' "
"Deada** didn't think I'd make it that far."
Outside the Box
"Years ago I was applying to a bunch of copywriting jobs and feeling frustrated because I wasnt hearing back from any of the places I was applying to."
"It was especially frustrating because I was putting in all this time on cover letters and I felt like nobody was even reading them, so I said, 'Fu** it, I'm gonna write one that is more me.' I thought it was a dumb idea and never imagined that it would work, but somehow it did."
"I applied with this cover letter and the subject line "Copywriter: Will Work for Beer" to a job that I was very underqualified for. It managed to catch the eye of the headhunter for the ad agency and was enough to get me an interview. Shortly after that I was hired and ended up working there for a few years, but I remember thinking on my first day, 'I can't believe that actually worked.' "
Just Not the Right Fit
"An interview at Google. The 20 years younger than me was describing the peer review system."
"I responded with 'Jesus, that sounds awful.' "
"I did not get the job."
Others also shared experiences that centered on their working lives. But these stories weren't about being hired or interviewed.
These were accounts of long-developing success stories that they never would have predicted.
A Winding Road
"My entire legal career"
"I have four degrees and a 10 year career in commerical litigation. I just wrapped up a $200mil trusts lawsuit."
"I started at uni doing theatre and stand up comedy. I have no fu**ing idea where I turned to get here."
"Started at a very small company doing sales straight out of college. I went about messaging big corporate players (who obviously would never do business with us since our size) and was laughed at by my new colleagues for even trying."
"2 weeks later My boss was asking me what we (a team of 6) should say on the conference call with Toshiba Buyers."
Putting Fires Out
"Me at work. I feel like every issue that comes up has me unprepared. But I am always praised for my good work."
"So, I assume I have imposter syndrome and keep doing what I am doing."
So next time you find yourself ruling a possibility out completely, maybe take just a few seconds to imagine it actually occurred and prepare.
You just never know.
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I'm going to be perfectly honest––I'm a city boy. I'm not a huge fan of hiking or camping. I happen to be a huge fan of running water. Have you heard of it? It's great. Highly recommended.
I've also, on a more humorous note, watched far too many horror films over the years and don't particularly like idea of running off into the woods only to piss off some demon that was perfectly fine until I arrived. I also have immense respect for our friendly neighborhood serial killers and demonstrate this regularly by staying out of their territory.
Those who love the great outdoors had plenty to share after Redditor Your_Normal_Loser asked the online community, "
Hikers of Reddit, what is the weirdest or creepiest thing you've come across while hiking?"
"The only reason..."
"When we were exploring the Australian Outback as university students, my friend and I found an old, tightly wrapped plastic bag with five or six damaged wallets along shrubbery at the base of a cliff.
The only reason we opened it up was because we were so remote - hundreds of kilometres from any town or tourist attraction - that it was strange to see garbage out there. All the cards were in female names and birthdates placed them in their late teens to early 20s. Some lived in the Northern Territory but one was in Sydney and another from Queensland. At the time we figured rock climbers must have stored their valuables in the bag and then lost track of it. I'll never forget the strange look the police officer gave us when we handed them in."
You see... this is why I wouldn't go mess around in the Australian Outback.
I also may or may not have watched Wolf Creek one too many times.
"A recliner on a small hill with a hole dug out in the middle and water bottles all over the place."
"A trashed campsite..."
"A trashed campsite complete with the tent cut open...
...do you report these things, or what?"
Or maybe not... you might want to turn back.
"The walls were completely plastered..."
"I was walking in a thick forest and came across an opening. In the center there was a shack made of lumber, with a bench built into it that was slightly leaned back.
The walls were completely plastered in porn."
Well... that's one way to get off.
"The man stopped talking..."
"I was backpacking with a few friends. A few days in the middle of nowhere, a man approached our camp as we were cooking dinner to say hi. We talked about our routes for a few minutes. Out of nowhere, he told us that he had had a vasectomy in his 30s after his 2nd child. Then somehow his wife had gotten pregnant with his 3rd child. He didn't believe this was possible, so he demanded a DNA test to see if he was actually the father. He was. Still, he explained that he had his doubts and thought that his wife must have fixed the DNA test.
My friends and I were in our 20s and had no idea why this guy was telling us this. We all just nodded and smiled.
The man stopped talking and then just walked away into the night."
"I stepped in..."
"I stepped in and fell over a cow carcass on a night hike. It was a bright moonlit night but I didn't see it in the shadows. Thankfully it was mostly dry."
"We still have no idea..."
"I was in the woods with three friends at night. A friend's house was nearby and I was getting hungry so I went inside to find some food. Another friend came inside with me. Two friends were still outside.
Later on, one of the two who outside came in and sees the indoor friend on the couch next to me. They panic and immediately run back outside.
I poke my head out the door asking what's going on, only to hear them yell as loudly as they can, "THAT'S NOT KEVIN"
Everyone comes inside and calms down a bit, and the story comes out. They thought the friend who was indoors with me (Kevin) had been outside with them this entire time. Why? Because in the darkness of the woods they saw a silhouette about the same height walking alongside them silently, then at some point it ran away and they were chasing it thinking Kevin was running off for some reason. The reason my friend yelled, "That's not Kevin" was to stop the last outdoor friend from chasing whoever was out there deeper into the woods.
We still have no idea who that was or why they didn't even speak."
This story sent a chill running down my spine.
Who was that?!
Perhaps figuring it out would be even scarier.
"Went hiking with my dad..."
"Went hiking with my dad one day over a ridge. A girl from the group in front of us tripped and slid down one side and was just able to hold on to the tiniest branch from the only tree around. Had she slid down all the way she certainly would be dead or massively injured!"
"I was trying to make my way across..."
"I was hiking in Washington sometime in December. I was trying to make my way across a river but the bridge was out. I was walking along the shore looking for a shallow spot but couldn't find one. I saw some footprints leading down the bank, my thought was that someone was trying to do what I was doing and decided to track the prints to see if they crossed. It was not easy but I followed the prints for about a mile. As I approached what looked like a crossing I heard a loud BANG like a stick hitting a tree. I froze for a few seconds and heard no other noises. I just slowly back up keeping my eyes on the other side of the river. Could not shake the feeling that I was being watched. Got the hell out of there quick as I could."
There are few feelings creepier than the feeling of being watched. It makes you feel like you've been violated in some way.
Thankfully you got out of there!
"I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment..."
"I was hiking with some friends, and I saw a cluster of butterflies on the ground. I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment until I realized they were congregating on a pool of blood. It turns out that someone had been hiking on the bluffs above earlier that day, and had fallen off and died."
Sooo... still want to go hiking or camping? None of this changed your mind? None of it?
It was nice knowing you. I'll stick with my running water.
Have some creepy stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Have some experiences of your own? Have you also survived the hospitality industry? Feel free to tell us about it in the comments below!
Time is of the essence. And time is not definable. Those are lessons we learn as we get older; as times passes and fluctuates in front of us.
Time is always fleeting yet always catches up to us. I find myself shocked when I wake up on certain days and realize I'm a particular age of my parent that sticks out for me.
Like, how did that happen? I guess I should just be thankful I'm still here to witness it all.
Redditor u/TW1103 wanted to discuss the meaning... of time and all of its affects by asking:
What fact really puts the scale of time into an insane perspective?
Ok, who is watching the clock? Those seconds aren't going to count themselves. The only way to understand time is to be its witness. Although that can get depressing. Let's focus on the light and cool.
History...Calculate Figure It Out GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"If you are an 80-year-old American, you have lived through approximately 1/3 of our nation's entire history."
"The 80s were 40 years ago."
"This is what messes me up because I was born in 82 and graduated high school in 2000 so for some reason my brain is stuck on the 80's being twenty years ago. The 70's thirty years ago etc etc. I have to stop and realize sometimes that my concept of how long ago things happened is way off."
Time goes by...
"We observe that light travels at 186,000 miles a second, but given the vast size of the observable universe, that's a snail's pace. But from the point of view of a particle of light, time doesn't even exist."
"Time slows down as you approach the speed of light, and theoretically stops completely when you reach the speed of light."
Years Gone By...
"MLK Jr. and Anne Frank were born in the same year."
"Betty White was born in 1922. Automatically pre-sliced packaged bread loaves became commercially available in 1928. Betty White is six years older than sliced bread."
Long Live the Queen!queen elizabeth images GIFGiphy
"The queen and Marilyn Monroe would've been the same age."
I swear Liz is going to outlive dirt. Wait, I believe she already has. Well she won't be alone, she'll have Betty White. At least she better have Betty. Time is nothing without Queen Betty.
TV TimeSeason 2 Omg GIF by Paramount+Giphy
"Happy Days was a TV show made in the 1970s-80s about teenagers in the 1950s. Similarly, That 70s Show was made in the 90s-00s about teenagers in the 70s. If a similar show were to be made today, it would be about teenagers in the 2000s."
"If a T-Rex imagined a creature as ancient as the T-Rex is to us, it would be a Stegosaurus. If that Stegosaurus imagined a creature as ancient as the Stegosaurus is to us, it would be a Crocodile. If that Crocodile imagined a creature as ancient as that Crocodile is to us, it would be a Shark."
On the Clock
"On a twenty four hour clock the amount of time that humans have been on the earth would total around five seconds."
"How about this one: If Homo Habilus first appeared at midnight, 24 hours ago, that means the first Homo Sapiens appeared at 9:25 PM, or about 2 and a half hours ago. The first human civilization, in lower Mesopotamia, appeared at 11:57 PM, or about 3 minutes ago."
"The Western Roman Empire fell at 11:59 PM, or 1 minute ago. Everything that has happened since - the Crusades, the Plague, the discovery of the New World, the world wars, all of it - has happened in the last minute of human existence."
And that's just OUR Sun...
"The span of our lives are so insignificantly small that our Sun will last another 5 billion years. That's 9 zeros people. Our eldest live to around 100 in the best places. That's 50,000,000 (50 million) times longer than any person can reasonably expect to live. And that's just OUR Sun. The universe as a whole has probably existed for magnitudes longer than that already and will continue to exist until the end of time as we know it."
Tell Me a Storywilliam shakespeare GIF by will herringGiphy
"We know what a good storyteller Shakespeare was but there were Greek playwrights who wrote shows nearly 2,000 years earlier that are pretty good, too."
I hate time. Only because I'm petty and irritated of the amount I squandered. That's neither here nor there though. Time marches on and continues to amaze. I'll keep watching.
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