People Share How They Prove Their Age When They Lose Their IDs
We'll be completely honest, we forget or lose our ID's around here like it's a fashion trend. We've sat on it and snapped it into pieces, two have been lost to the briny depths of the seas off of Miami (which is pretty much in the Bermuda Triangle, so that's a special kind of lost) and one was swiped by someone's pet skunk. We couldn't make this up if we tried. If not having your ID were an Olympic sport, you'd be staring at our mug on a box of Wheaties every four years.
So one one Reddit user asked:
We clicked that link helluh fast. Ideally, we'd never want anyone to risk their jobs because of something we did. We know people can get fired for serving someone without ID, so we're not suggesting that. But, on the off chance someone was willing to bend the rules a bit, here are 20 of our favorite responses.
Went to a bar and few years back and a chick got in with her high school yearbook.
This happened to my wife about 5 years ago at a Halloween party at a bar. I wasn't very worried I just old her she was a pretty girl so she would get in to problem. We talked to the bouncer. I showed him her Facebook profile with her birthday on there and pictures from our vacation for verification. It worked and a great time was had by all.
How Rita Repulsa
Show the bouncer my Mighty Morphin Power Rangers tightie whities, obviously.
Flash the bouncer. Either they will love it and let me in, or they will go:
"Yep, you're old."
And let me in. Win-win.
They'll Never Be This Cool Again
In one spectacular instance the new girl at my favorite bar asked for my ID, which I didn't have.
I calmly reached up to the beam next to the bar, and pulled down a picture of me doing a shot with the owner of the bar that had been taken the previous halloween.
I once managed to prove my age by showing the bouncer my DUI paper and printed crime report with my mugshot.
I forgot my ID and the bouncer asked me what my favorite show was when I was a kid. I said Rocko's Modern Life and he let me in.
Now this is a story all about how my life got flip turned upside down...
The Song Of My People
Sing them the song of my people
The AOL internet connection song.
Booooooooooooo-bip bip beep beep. Beeeeeeeee BRRRRRR Be BR
Solid Battle Plan
Become a regular at your favorite bars and you don't need ID.
We Googled "Bingo Wings" - So Worth It
Between the grey hair and bingo wings then add the flabby boobies. We're good.
Tell him stories about how athletic and popular I was in high school, how I had tons of friends, and was the life of the party. Only a sad 40 year old would gone on about his high school career as if it were the pinnacle of his life.
An Honest Evaluation
"Look, he lost his wallet last night, but he's here with six 28-year old guys and he's clearly not anybody's little brother because he's Indian and the rest of us are white."
Surprisingly effective considering we just saw the door guy turn away a hot girl with a fake ID.
We Forgot Those Existed
I once got past a doorman by showing that I carry a checkbook.
I have a picture of my drivers license in my google drive. It worked for me 3/3 times
Pre-Lion King Elton John
I pointed at the ceiling where an Elton John song from Yellow Brick Road was playing, and said, "I was 15 years old when this album came out in 1973". My co-worker (younger than me, but still old af) laughed his a** off. It worked.
Tap The Button But Don't Hold It Down...
Explain the procedure for a 3 way phone call on a landline.
Still Too Soon
I say the words "Littlefoot's mom" and immediately burst into tears.
This Lost Art
I can operate a rotary dial telephone
Make Like A Tree And...
Cut part of your arm off and let the bouncer count the rings.
It's always best to learn as much as you can about a place your visiting. Rules are constantly changing through every time zone.
When I visited London I was shocked and elated that I could drink on the streets. Just out of the bottle.
In America you'll be in handcuffs and in the drunk tank before you finish "Cheers!" That's why it's imperative to get acquainted with the American ways before you arrive. America can be strict.
Save the headache.
Redditor u/PosseaDaBoss wanted people to know about the in outs of being on American soil by asking:
In the United States, what should you never do?
God bless America, land that I love. But Lord don't cross her, she can be feisty. America does have a unique connection to rules and more often than not visitors find themselves in a culture shock. Which can be entertaining.
Money BackBribing Season 3 GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over. I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once. Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."
"I thought this was an obvious one, but my German exchange student would very casually walk on/through people's properties, even going so far as to walk up to their houses in the middle of the night. This is a huge no-no unless you need help, just casually walking around on people's properties would make them think you are looking to rob the place."
By the Rules
"Make the assumption that you know the law. Our local laws change drastically from state to state. If you buy weed for example, it may be illegal to drive ten miles west into another state."
"There is no "may" about it. Since marijuana is still illegal on the federal level, transporting any amount of THC, even medicinally marked packaging, is a felony. Transporting any controlled substance across state lines carries a minimum of 5 year sentence and a nice little trafficking badge on your record."
"Get into a fist fight. In some places that isn't a big deal. Here it has significant legal issues. And the other guy might be carrying and you could get shot. Just walk away."
Straight Faceschitts creek comedy GIF by CBCGiphy
"As a Canadian crossing the border to the US, don't act fun or funny with the border patrol. Give them your passports, tell them what you're doing and such. They're harda**es."
In others countries people can just meander through other people's backyards? Like... really? Ok. And yes, do not play games with any kind of law enforcement. They really have to sense of humor. Read on...
Pay Uphomer simpson episode 22 GIFGiphy
"Don't try to cheat the IRS. They will screw your life into oblivion."
"Usually you should never openly drink alcohol in a public space such as the right-of-way, a park, etc. It's illegal here and getting arrested will really harsh your buzz. Not that people don't get around this by using water jugs or other opaque containers, but it might be an unpleasant surprise if you're used to more liberal drinking laws."
From the USSR
"Assume personal space distance is the same as your country. Depends on where you come from, but Americans are stereotyped as being used to more personal space than some countries. Our Russian foreign exchange student was kinda weirded out by how far people stand apart at bus stops, etc, and was a little hurt after people scooched away from him on the bus, in class, etc because "Hey we are all friends here so lets be breathing the same air."
Twice the Size
"Don't misunderstand the massive scale of the country. You will not be able to visit Vegas, Disney World, and the Statue of Liberty in a single one week trip without taking several planes. The 48 contiguous United States is nearly twice the size of the EU, by area. It is freaking massive and a lot of it is really far apart. In some states, you can drive for 8+ hours and not leave the state. Like, we have states the size of some other countries."
YOU CAN DO THAT!!Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
"You can't leave your baby unattended while shopping etc. like in some Scandinavian countries, you will get arrested."
It sounds like we may not be the most fun country to be wandering through. Don't get me wrong, I'm an American and I love it here but we need to loosen up a bit. Let's get crazy.
Anyone who's ever listened to a true crime podcast can tell you, secondhand, that criminals aren't as smart as we might think.
what are your 'holy sh-t, this criminal is smart' moments?
You don't get into crime to make friends.
You also don't get into crime to learn things. Mostly, you're just hoping that whatever you're about to try next to escape the system works out and no one happens to be looking your direction.
Thanks, Weather! We Appreciate It!
"A bank in my hometown was robbed by a group of individuals during a historic snowstorm. we got ~12ft in two days, and early in the storm the bank was still open. Couple people just walked in masked with guns, robbed the place and escaped on foot. Police response time was about 45 mins at best, and by the time they arrived on scene the tracks were gone. Longshot, but pure genius."
Cashing In A Different Kind Of Monetary System
"I was an assistant manager at a little deli/corner store for a few years and one of the employees bragged that he was getting a bag of weed a week from the store for free... Not to me but to other employees."
"I couldn't figure out how... the numbers always matched up. He was also really sucessful with one of our couponing programs.... It took me a while to figure out that our POS system would take the coupon without the upc being scanned... In otherwords... the coupons were esentially cash. He was cashing out ~$80 a week in coupons. The kid was pretty smart... I only found out when I was doing rhe inventory and the books the same week... I saw that we sold a ton of icecream... and thought geeze I am gonna have to restock the crap outta that... then realized that it was fully stocked and put 2 and 2 together."
Doing crime is really creating an infraction against the system we've built as a society. These "laws" are imaginary rules we assign value, and give credence, to so much so that when someone does something to break them we lose our minds.
Even when it's not that big of a deal.
Just Opening The Door Wrong
"A very clever criminal was stealing electricity for his nightclub in Liverpool, the power company knew something was happening because as soon as this guy took over their usage was about a quarter of the previous owner."
"They finally sent an old guy out to check the meter for problems. He discovered that they'd fitted a pressure switch on the door so that when it was opened the meter turned as normal, but as soon as you closes it the meter would stop turning."
"Two years they'd been investigating before he was caught out."
And You Almost Got Away With It
"Ex-Security Guard here. One of the many town drunks goes into a supermarket in Tonbridge, Kent (UK). Fills basket with 8 bottles of wine. Goes to toilets. Drinks all 8 bottles. Staggers out. He still gets arrested for theft but we had to admire his ingenuity!"
I Wasn't There. See?
"I'm a Police Officer. The smartest thing I see people who've been alleged to have committed a crime do is to have recorded what they were doing so they can prove their innocence."
And then there's these guys, who might actually be literal geniuses when the day is done.
Cutting Off The World's Connection
"Guy found out that when a gas station lost it's satellite connection, it automatically accepted all credit cards, and would presumably process them later. So, he climbed on the roof and covered the dish with foil to force it to lose connection then made charges on a card that was cancelled."
Crime! 30,000 Feet In The Air!
"In the 2000's you could order a new credit card, not activate it, and then when you were on a long haul flight you could upgrade via the card machine to first class once onboard and then pay for the premium service and when the flight landed and got internet connection none of the purchases would be successful and you would already be out of the airport."
"I never understood how they couldn't find you afterwards with your passport and credit card details but it was a big fraudulent scam that hit the newspapers multiple times. Maybe because apart from witness testimonies there wasn't a sufficient paper trail to say that you were upgraded or had any of the expensive champagne or duty free."
A Little Electric Play
"My dad is an attorney and had two clients: one who had an old huge Chevy Nova with a very well hidden switch under the dash. He would flip the switch and the brake lights off, then go in front of someone and hit the brakes."
"Won several claims from insurance companies."
"The second one was flying into small international airports carrying normal checked bags. Flew in from Canada every time, small puddle jumpers."
"Turns out what he was actually doing was smuggling immense amounts of cocaine. He refused to say a word to cops or in his own trial. Just pled out, and went to jail. My dad gets a single check to pay for his service of sitting and doing the plea deal. About half of his normal yearly earnings."
"Turns out the guy was s
nmuggling for Pablo Escobar, and would have been killed if he talked."
Truly Abhorrent Behavior
"A few years back my elderly neighbors home robbed. Her husband had just passed away and the obituary was in the paper with showing times and time the burial ceremony was to start. These low life's looked up her husband's address in the phone book and knew exactly what time their house would be un occupied. They took absolutely everything of value from this lady on the day she was putting her husband in the ground. And they never caught them."
Crime doesn't pay.
Until it does.
When you have the cleverness, and ingenuity, as some of these people? Then maybe crime might pay a bit.
People who talk smack about others are often viewed as rude individuals.
But sometimes, they are taking the hit for not exercising tact. The truth is, they might be verbalizing about a situation we have secretly thought about but keep to themselves.
When it comes to reserving judgment about people and their situations, many of us can relate to this. It is what separates us from those who aren't able to keep their observations to themselves.
"What's something you secretly judge people about?"
People seeking validation in excess on the internet are met with criticism.
Social Media Portrayal
"What part of their life are they posting on social media."
"My husband has a friend who has a psycho girlfriend that posts really personal sh*t online. Like, she sent her boyfriend some racy photos and he didn't 'react like he should have' so she shared them online with a comment about how she thought the photos were sexy and he must not find her attractive anymore. I was embarrassed for her. She also likes to make up stories about him hitting her then update a few hours later that she's sorry and she lied and he didn't hit her. And these people are in their 30s with children and still acting like that."
"What they say about their kids in social media. I get that being a parent is hard and it's okay to talk/vent/be real about that online, but sometimes people cross the line and talk about their kids as if they're not real people, just because they're not grown and don't have a Facebook account. People should imagine what their kids would think of they were all grown up and reading your internet history. If you think they would be hurt by what you said, don't post it."
Headphones are there for a reason. But these offenders are not considerate enough to use them.
"People who use speaker phone for music or conversations in public places. I hate it."
"My roommate uses speaker at all times. We'll be watching TV and he will literally answer the phone and talk on speaker. One time had the audacity to say me and this other guy wouldn't stop talking and he couldn't hear his gf. Same with music too, he'll play some some music in the middle of whatever I'm watching. Annoying as all f'k."
"My old roommate would use speaker to talk to her family at college so I joined the conversation the entire time, she constantly told me to 'shut the f'k up' in front of her mom, so I said 'then dont use speaker dumba**.'"
Views from entitled people might say the following:
"How they treat janitors/custodial staff and whether people leave more of a mess than they should because 'it's their job to clean up after me.'"
"How snobbish another person reacts to someone else's situation. I. E. When someone finds out information about another persons wage, job, family situation, living situation, etc etc etc, and making a comment on it."
Do you ever feel like your ears are burning? Yeah, it's probably because of people like these:
"People that gossip to me about other people. I always wonder what they say about me behind my back."
"One of my favorite office tricks is to gossip relentlessly, but to keep it at least 90% positive. People can and do find out that I've been going around, behind their backs, and spreading rumors about how great they are."
"Obviously it creates a nice work environment, but by being willing to gossip, people are more willing to tell me things that aren't necessarily public yet."
What annoys me about the things people do have more to do with my growing impatience after having lived in New York City for over a decade.
Customers in fast food joints not knowing what to order after being in line for a sufficient amount of time grates me.
The increasing convenience of mobile ordering has been the best thing to come out of the pandemic that has kept me from losing my marbles.
Wherever we go, there are social norms and expectations being jammed down our throats.
The people around us, all exposed to similar media messages and massive, powerful institutions, internalize these norms and police each other without even realizing it.
These constructs are so plentiful and subtle that they can be hard to even notice.
But once in awhile we take a step back. We zoom out. Then we see just how arbitrary and one-dimensional so many of those norms are.
Those epiphanies can be disorienting, but so empowering, too. A recent thread on Reddit asked people to share their biggest gripes about all the things forced on us.
Redditor Snoo79382 asked:
"What should society stop forcing on us?"
The internet, as it has many facets of modern life, has accelerated the rate at which things are jammed down our throats. Not a day goes by that we're not on the hook for one thing or another.
"Subscription based services. Everybody out here wants your money now on a monthly schedule."
"The need to create an account for EVERY website or software. Wtf, I just want to install my graphics drivers! There's no reason for you to know who I am, you already have many thousands of my monies."
Others discussed work and work culture. It's such a large portion of our lives, and, according to these folks, the whole thing can be handled better.
Resist the Urge to Monetize
"The idea of hobbies becoming 'side hustles.' Why can't a hobby just be a hobby" -- Electrical-Mammoth44
"Like my father always said: Don't turn your hobby into your work, because you'll have to find a new hobby." -- JustAGuy401
"Having to constantly be busy and only have 2 days to recover from it." -- Octo-Fishy
"I find the whole 5 days a week on, 2 off thing pretty infuriating. I work a 9-5 and would easily be done everything in way less time but I am required to drag it out for no reason." -- condor1111800
Passing the Buck
"Donating your vacation time to coworkers because the company you work for is shi**y. There was a natural disaster and one of the stores in the chain I worked for got flooded."
"Instead of just giving people time off because they literally couldn't work they asked everyone to give up the few paid days off we got a year. Most of us got less than a week off a year."
And others talked about the social expectations pushed on us by our friends, family members, acquaintances, and everything in between.
Aren't There Plenty Already?
"Well no one is forcing anyone, but everyone assumes you want from have kids. And if you don't everyone has a lot of questions and they start judging and trying to change your mind."
Take Your Time
"The idea that people should have their sh*t together and their life planned out at the age of 20. I'm 19 and still wanna play my pokemon games and the future scares me :')"
"The belief that you HAVE to date, have sex, and get married. Some of us don't want to do any of that and there's nothing wrong with it. I'm sick of the social pressure to date."
Racing Against Fantasy
"There should be laws about how heavily photoshopped pictures are meant to be to sell anything beauty related."
"Being constantly surrounded by images of perfection is seriously damaging to people's mental health, and the implication that a product will make you look Like This is simply false advertising when the model doesn't actually look Like This and has been heavily airbrushed at the very least."
And so, taking a cue from these Redditors, it's a good time to remember that we don't have to cave to any of this stuff if we don't want to.