Bad news is something you relive forever. Learning about death and tragedy changes the course of life, it's unforgettable because you always remember the moment your life split in two. We always discuss the awful things we can never unsee.... we should also cover our ears. The screams still return in the dark.
Redditor u/ArethaZum wanted to see who was willing to share somethings they wish they had never heard by asking....
What is the most heartbreaking thing you've ever heard of?
A Miracle
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My Mom was in a Coma, her mother, my Grandmother came to visit. At this point my Grandmother had buried 5 children and a husband. She sat next to my mom and told her to wake up because she wasn't going to bury another child.
There wasn't a dry eye in the room. It was heartbreaking.
Guess who woke up 2 days later? Yep, my Mom. We were making decisions for a long care facility etc. and she spontaneously comes out of her coma.
We gave credit to Grandma and my Mom's stubborn attitude. Mom lived another 13 relatively healthy years, far longer than she should have and Grandma passed away peacefully about 7 years after my Mom woke up from the coma.
Mixed Emotions
When my grandma died my dad refused to go to the funeral. I was just a young man and didn't know anything so I tried to convince him to go. I drove by the house on the way.
He was crying, but this man was no wussy. I'd never seen him cry before, ever.
I told him to come with me - there was still time to make it and say goodbye... but he stopped me he said:
No I'm crying because this is one of the happiest moments of my life. I can finally go on without her. It's like my life starts now.
God that woman screwed him up.
Clint
When Clint Malarchuk had his throat accidentally slit by a skate during an NHL game, his main thought was to get off the ice as soon as possible so his mom wouldn't see him die.
He lived, barely.
"Malarchuk's life was saved due to quick action by the Sabres' athletic trainer, Jim Pizzutelli, a former US Army combat medic who served in the Vietnam War. He gripped Malarchuk's neck and pinched off the blood vessel, not letting go until doctors arrived to begin stabilizing the wound."
Farewell
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My grandad crying as he kissed my mum's cheek and stroked her hair about 15 minutes after she had passed away. My mum was my grandparents only child. To this day I have no idea how they have managed to carry on.
bad conditions
I have a friend whose only child died suddenly in college from a never-diagnosed heart condition. Then her husband passed away a year later after a long struggle with cancer.
She always tells me to hug my loved ones tight and tell them I love them, because you never know what might happen, so I'm passing that advice along now to you all too.
I have a friend whose 9 year old son died suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition. At first they thought it was appendicitis. Then they found out the mom and younger brother had it too. Now they're on medication but they had to lose a son/brother to find out.
The Merciful
When my nana was in a hospital after a stroke, my aunt was visiting her after work, and was brushing her hair and asked her, "do you know who I am?" And my nana answered "you are a merciful lady." It broke my heart. She didn't remember any of her children. She died the next morning.
The Good Dude
My cousin was a really good dude. One of those smart handsome jocks that's also incredibly nice to everyone. Went to college in Chicago and ended up in a bad part of town at a bar to watch a bears game. He had no idea he was at a bad part of town and even though there were some sketchy characters there he chose to believe in the good in people and not judge.
Some guy angry that this young white college kid was at his bar bashes his head in with a beer bottle while my cousin is watching the game. Total sucker punch. The bottle didn't break and now my cousin his forced to life with my aunt and uncle and has the cognitive abilities of a seven year old. Freaking cousin prays for his assailant almost every night.
The Scream
I was at a lake when a kid drowned while playing frisbee in the water. The mother screaming for her child was probably the most soul tearing thing I've ever heard.
Yes You Can
My son: "I CANT DO IT MOM! I AM JUST STUPID!" "I just want one good grade just like the others.." "I think I am just really dumb!"
It breaks ny heart. He does lag behind. He does have a learning disability. I did not realize he started to notice the difference until he was temporarily homeschooled because of COVID. He felt safe enough to express his true feelings and it kills me inside to see him struggle.
BUT: I managed to get him some help for self confidence issues and I organized a tiny "school practice corner" in our home where I am helping him with homework - tailored to his level by his teacher.
Last night, he finished a full page of maths without a single mistake. He cried happy tears and for the first time in a whole year I heard him say "So I CAN do it!!"
Forget Them
phaedra parks bye felicia GIF by RealityTVGIFs
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Getting called annoying by someone you really care about.
I got called annoying and i guess i was. It was my need for approval that made me that way. They started ignoring me and you know what, my life is better without them and i have good friends who like me for who i am. You will get better people. Screw them.
Lessons at the Car Wash
True Story that happened 5 days ago. I went to a car wash and the older gentlemen asked me to turn my car off (I didn't realize it was on). We got into conversation and I just explained that I am new to where I live and I just said I wasn't familiar with everything. I needed loonies to continue my car wash, grabbed some change and asked him for some extra loonies and toonies, which he promptly got.
When he came back he was complementing me on the studded winter tires I had and the car I had just bought recently (2019 Mini Cooper Countryman). He came back when my car wash ended and reached into his pocket put 2 dollars in and told me to use spotless touch because it looks good on black and mirrors and stuff.
When he left I couldn't find him to say thank you, I called the store and got him on the phone to say thanks and he told me I reminded him of his son who had passed at 17 a couple weeks prior and started tearing up. I pulled over because my heart stopped and he told me "My son didn't live long enough for me to teach him everything I knew, when I saw you, I saw him, and wanted to teach you something I never got to teach my son."
TLDR: I went to a carwash and the old man there taught me something new because I reminded him of his son who died two weeks ago.
X
Sad Tears GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants
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I recently had a fight with my mom for some stupid reason and we haven't spoken for like 3 weeks and two days ago, while i was still in bed i overheard her telling my father that even X was a better child than me. X is this ex-best friend who i called out for spreading rumors among my classmates about my mother. And now that same mother decides to praise X, knowing very well what she did. :(
The Voice
A week after my brother got diagnosed with cancer (leukemia), my dad told all of my family, but waited to tell my Aunt and Uncle. He wanted to wait because in 2014 their son died from leukemia at 18 yrs old and my brother was also 18 when he got diagnosed. He wanted to figure out how to tell them because my cousins death destroyed them, especially for my Uncle.
When they asked to speak to my brother over the phone they both started crying because my brother sounded exactly like their son.
They talked to my brother as if they were talking to their son and apologized for his death while continuing to cry. They both feel extremely guilty for their sons death and the only reason my Uncle hasn't killed himself is because he still has another son and doesn't want to leave him without a father. It also doesn't help that their son died on the anniversary of my grandpa's death who also died from leukemia.
Stay with Me
When I was 8 my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. For three years she fought it and in those three years I saw her a handful of time cause she was always in the hospital. One day my dad says let's go see mom. I get all excited and worked up cause I hadn't seen her for 7 months. She was staying at a friend's adult family home and I remember walking down this small hallway and hearing the nurse tell my mom "stay with me, stay with me, stay with me."
When I walked in my mom was laying on the bed with 3 nurses next to her. They were trying to stop her from bleeding out of her colostomy bag that looked like a red balloon ready to pop. She died before the ambulance even got there.
Waterworks
My neighbor's children. They're 8 and 10. I only know that because i came home one day and my wife had them at our kitchen table. Their dad's a single, working dad so I'm sure he tries his best. Haven't met him too much. But one day i guess the kids asked my wife if they could have a cup of water because dad was at work and their water didn't work. We sent them home with a few cooked meals and a case of water. For the first time in about 20 years i cried quietly.
While she Slept
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I saw a photograph in an article about Syrian children separated from their families. The girl had drawn on the ground a sort of stick figure female that was her mother that she missed so much. She would try to hug the ground to get some comfort. The image was of her laying inside the outline arms spread trying to hold her as she slept.
The Boy
Today, I read about a policeman who picked up a little boy wandering around, alone at night trying to sell his teddy bear for food (In the US). I cried like a baby for all of the other kids who don't get rescued by policemen.
Be Good
As my senior season of football was coming to an end. A coach of mine had one of Those heart to heart talks with me. About how no matter how "Good" you may be in life such as the way you treat people and show kindness, there will be others who just seek to cause harm. His brother died earlier that week, shot point blank after helping a woman in front of a 7/11 I think late at night from a creepy dude who was harassing her.
Really hit hard especially since he wasn't one to open up and share sensitive experiences.
Swept Away
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A few years ago my brother (a firefighter) saved a man stuck in a tree over a flooded river. he had been holding his 80 yr old father for as long as he could until the river swept him away.
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I'm a smart person. I read, I study, I comprehend. But certain types of math can send me to the funny farm. I tried trigonometry in high school. I needed a therapist after a week. My brain hates math. It is what it is. I give up trying.
Louder!
Meme Reaction GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"I can't comprehend why any company would think I'm more likely to buy their product if they make their commercial 20db louder than all other commercials. Instant boycott."
The Scale
"The sheer size and scale of the universe. Like the fact that you can fit all the planets of the Solar System between the Earth and the Moon. Now realise how far apart all the planets are in the Solar System. This is practically next door compared to the distance between our Sun and the nearest star."
"There are billions of stars in our Milky Way (with the majority having planets of their own). The sheer scale of the vast emptiness involved means that even when our galaxy merges with the Andromeda galaxy in 4.5 billion years' time, there will be very, very few actual collisions between stars."
"Then there is the void between galaxies, and that it takes billions of years for light, at its speed (massless, and the fastest speed possible), to travel between galaxies, speaks of the sheer emptiness and distance in that void. I can't quite fathom it."
The Before...
"What was there before the universe, what was there before that, and that and that and (you get the idea)."
"The problem is we are using English words that have implied meanings that are familiar to humans on everyday experience to describe events that are outside everyday experience."
"Before" implies that time exists on both sides of an event, but that is not true when we are talking about the universe. Like how there are no positive numbers less than 0, there are no times before the beginning of the universe."
In the Words...
"Language, the fact that we all collectively decided separately and divertingly that certain sounds have meanings and that other sound mixed with those can change the meaning."
"Thanks for all of the upvotes and the award :3."
"Adding onto what I said, sounds are just vibrations in the air that out brains interpret into the sensation of hearing. Really we're vibrating the air at each-other and those air vibrations to your brain contain meaning. When you think about it like this language is not too dissimilar to the internet in a way. Makes you realize how crazy and unique of a skill language really is, with-ought it we wouldn't have a civilization."
"Another interesting thing related to this is when people call your name. Even if your in a crowded area with hundreds of people talking around you and you think your tuning them out if you hear your name you immediately notice, Some part of your brain must be constantly listening."
"Here are some other things my mind can't quite grasp:
- Computers, the fact that my phone is performing countless mathematical operations constantly.
- the plank length, if I understand it right it's the smallest distance anything can move, like a pixel of space.
- the human body and animals in general, were a collection of (large number but idk how large) cells all working together in various systems some how sustaining a brain that is able to be conscious, it's a miracle animals work at all let alone what they're capable of.
- why my ankles crack when I walk.
- what the future will be like, the world is changing so fast it's likely the future will be nothing like we think and it's coming." - Flaer15
I'm Empty
Fun Floating GIF by Tomas BrunsdonGiphy"My little brain can't comprehend the vast emptiness of space and the fact it supposedly just stretches on forever and never has an end. Kind of wild when you try imagine it."
Like any other muscle or organ in the body, we have to listen when pain is inflicted. We have to recognize discomfort and deal. Why don't we allow the same respect to our brain? It will tell us when enough is enough.
Simplicity...
Work Working GIFGiphy"How a simple calculator works. I can do math. I'm actually very good at it. How does a little plastic box do it though? Always boggled my mind."
Dammit!
"Dates. I am considered a historian by my family due to my knowledge on most world history, but God dang dates... I could be talking about WWII and say it happened the same date as WWI."
Billions of People
"That all the others persons I talk to or see, have their own thoughts, own inner dialogue and own life. For gaming analogy sometimes I just feel like others are NPC and I just can't comprehend that there are more than 7 billions person just like me."
"Sonder...
The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it."
Now That's Too Much!
"Quantum physics."
"I have a PhD in astronomy and MSc in Physics, and had to take ~2 years worth of quantum mechanics courses. It's one of those things where you can take solace that even with all that education on it all I can say is no one else really understands it either."
And the Dark?
"Light isn't affected by time. So... other things could just exist outside of time? Like, if you were a photon that traveled at light speed for a million years and then hit an alien's third butt, you'd experience it as instantly being a million light years away."
- Delica
"A photon moves at the speed of light through space, but is standing still in time."
"A person at rest moves at the speed of light through time, but is standing still in space. When you accelerate through space, you're simultaneously decelerating through time. That's why observers will see your clock slow down when you begin accelerating at relativistic speeds. It's referred to as time and space dilation. Makes more sense once you realize that."
The Process...
"There are people who don't have an internal dialogue with themselves. So, they never question if they are right or wrong. They never wonder if they are treating someone fairly, or if they are nice or mean."
"They can change their minds with no information, but it doesn't involve the process most of us go through when confronted with an opinion, or new data. It's not common, but it's not entirely rare. When I learned about this, I just couldn't understand how it was even possible."
The End
Season 2 Episode 10 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"Death, obviously I understand why people die and all that but just thinking what happens afterwards. What's it like for the said person that died, is it just blackness? Is it like they're dreaming??? Reincarnation?? This probably sounds very stupid but I don't care 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️"
There is so much to learn, and even more that we'll never know. And that's ok. When the brain is full, it's full. Seems like just a part of life. The mysteries will sometimes stay illusive.
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I wanted to give up, I was flustered and spent way too much time trying to get a great grade in a class that just wasn't clicking for me. What did I do? I had to take a step back and reflect on what I would tell a friend in the same shoes. I would tell them they don't need to be perfect, that getting a C+ in one class wasn't going to wreck their whole GPA, and for the love of God drink water too won't just coffee.
Self-care and stealing extra sleep, even just an hour nap, can go a long way to refreshing your drive. The takeaway really was just to show me the same love and support I'd been putting out to those around me. You deserve it, too!
Redditor peachyjams asked:
"What are some tips for a burnt out student?"
The Reddit community gave this user some wonderful tips and tricks to help with student burnout.
Go at your own pace.
“Don't pressure yourself into 4 years. It's OK to take it slower. Balance out your schedule with more enjoyable elective credits if you can, or just take less courses in a semester if possible.”
“Obviously things like financial aid, living costs (if not living at home) and others may play a factor in how many courses you need to take or how quickly you need to complete college, so if you can't take less courses, talk to your advisor or counselor and work with them to carefully plan out each semester so that your coursework is balanced IE: You don't end up accidentally taking Calculus + "Fun," art class that was 1000x more work than you thought it would be in the same semester.”~zachtheperson
“Burnt out doesn't begin to cover it.”
“I feel very qualified to answer this. I have been in college continuously since I was 18, and I'm now 32. I have 2 years to go before finishing my doctorate. I currently have an associate's, bachelor's, and master's. I have also worked the entire time. Burnt out doesn't begin to cover it. Here is how I stay sane:
- Give school as little bandwidth in your life as possible. "Good enough" are the two most beautiful words in the English language. Get Bs on things. Write your assignments and due dates on a master calendar, block off times to get them done, and try to avoid thoughts of school outside of those blocks.
- To increase productivity during your work blocks, use Freedom or something similar. I paid for a lifetime subscription and in one class alone it paid for itself. It just blocks access to your distractions on the phone and computer while you get stuff done.
- Tackle other hobbies in life that you see progress in outside of school. Even if it feels like school will never ever end and you're on a treadmill of misery going nowhere, you can go somewhere in other areas of your life. I'm currently training for a marathon, just started learning cello, I mentor first gen college students, and I'm in a book club. Pick your poison, but try to put away the laptop and push yourself in a non-academic area.
- Your social needs may vary, but try getting together with other people not in your circle of school misery. Join a sports league (yuck for me but maybe not for you). I host regular dinner parties. Volunteer. Now that vaccines are out, make sure you get one then connect with other people.
- DO NOT TAKE A BREAK. When you stop school even for a semester you know what it's like to be happy and not have the weight of misery pulling you down. You won't want to go back. Slog through and just do it.
- Don't reward yourself with damaging things. Don't eat or drink your rewards for school or you will be unhealthy and unhappy when you're done. Reward yourself with something positive instead."
If I had to recommend one book, it would be 'Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle'. Basically, it goes into the science of feeling burned out, why it's bad for you, and how to fix it on a physiological level."
“If you don't want to read the whole thing, if I could distill the most useful information it would be: exercise. The author digs deep into the science (which I love) behind why it works SO DAMN GOOD, but if you hate science and reading, trust me. Go for a run a few times a week, lift weights, dance a lot, just get your heart rate up. Good luck. School sucks."~bicycle_mice
You don’t have to be perfect.
walking dead love GIFGiphy“If you're an A student I would suggest lowering your personal bar. Being constantly burnt out isn't worth the 0.2 difference in your GPA and if you're worried about career prospects there are always comparable fields that aren't quite as competitive.”
“Trying to get an A in every class takes disproportionally more work. If you can get A's and a few more B's while getting to chill every once and a while and not stressing, do that.”~SlightlyOvertuned
Lists are seriously underrated.
If your sensation is of being overwhelmed (i.e. you have an impossible amount of work to do with no end in sight) more than burnt out (you are exhausted and becoming detached from the work), then two tips:
- Realise that it's not infinite. If you stick it out until graduation (and I hope you do!), then many of the problems you're accumulating will be wiped clear. Perhaps your GPA/final grade won't be as good as you want, but remember that whatever you're facing now - this too shall pass. Knowning that there is an inevitable light at the end of the tunnel is useful for me.
- Make a list. If you are the under-organised type, making a list of things to do each morning on a sheet of paper dramatically reduces the stress level that those items cause you. You can implement some fancy to-do software if you prefer but tbh a daily todo is simpler and more effective...”~alexandicity
A book and a blanket? Make it so.
read new york GIFGiphy“When I was a burnt out student I took solace in a comfort zone activity. Something unrelated to my school work that I could dive into for a little while when I needed a break. For me, this was reading the Lord of the Rings.”
“What works for you depends one what's in your comfort zone, but it should be something that you can easily pick up and put down again when it is time to get back to work.”
“To this day, I still read the Lord of the Rings when I get stressed or overworked. In fact, I am reading it now, for the 48th time.”~khendron
Healthy Routines...
“Lots of things you could try! Sleep. 8 hours a day, wake up spontaneously without an alarm and if you feel the need do a 30-90 minute power nap in the afternoon.”
“Meditate daily, 5-30 minutes to start in the morning or whenever you feel comfortable. Limit the consume of caffeine.”
“Plan a healthy diet you can stick to, reducing the amount of junk food first to focus later on the composition of your main meals, snacks and so on. Eat plenty of greens, fruit, nuts and drink mainly water or sugar free drinks.”
“Take cold showers. Those are a huge boost, especially in the morning. Decompress. As someone said, take the days you need to just do nothing during your week. Last but not least, workout! Start small, build the habit and stick to it!“~Tha_Sin
“...it's pretty normal in our over worked society.”
“Burnout is real. It means you have given too much of yourself to something, and you need to recover. While deadlines don't wait, professors often will. “
“You have to communicate with them if you are struggling. If they are worth their pay, they will do their best to accommodate you. It's unhealthy to continue under so much stress. Be kind to yourself.”
“Nearly everyone experiences this at some point in life, and it's pretty normal in our over worked society. Do what you can to clear your mind. Assign yourself a certain number of hours to completely shift gears away from all these responsibilities.”
“Set an alarm if you have to, but give yourself enough time to reach a stage of full body relaxation. You can try walking, meditating, sleeping, whatever your body needs. Just listen to it! There is no shame here. You must care for yourself and keep a balance. Deep breaths, often.”~VaginaWarrior
“Yes to this advice!! Let teachers know ASAP that you are struggling and often they will be able to make accommodations or offer help. Also, looking into counseling services that are offered through the school is definitely worth taking advantage of while that stuff is accessible and free.”~shannonbta
“because a b*tch needs water...”
“My bad day thing is I have to get up, eat (even if it's takeout), put on fresh bedsheets because if I'm having a bad day in bed it might as well be comfortable and smell good, have a shower (even just shoulders down) and go for even a small walk, even if it's to the shop or to get myself that takeout."
“They're not huge things to do but they're very difficult on some days. And I don't always do them all, maybe I just eat and shower, or go for a walk, or just change my bedsheets. But all of them are small tasks that feel like mountains but once I do one or two of them they're so so easy, and I benefit from them all mentally or physically or both."
“And I have a litre bottle of water and cup of tea at my side at all times because a b!tch needs water and there are few things as comforting as a good cup of tea in a warm mug to me."~thisisausername-2021
“I didn't pull a single all-nighter in my 4 years of undergrad.”
- “Don't listen to your fellow classmates who boast about study 60+ hours a week, they're either exaggerating, straight-up lying, or have an incredibly inefficient study method. There will be times where you really need to be studying hard for extended amounts of time (ex. finals week), but for the vast majority of the semester it is completely unnecessary to do that in order to get a good grade.”
- “If you do find that you need excessive study in order to do okay in a course then you need to reach out to your TA(s) and professor. Most universities have free tutoring services, use them.”
- “Seriously just take more breaks and get more sleep. I didn't pull a single all-nighter in my 4 years of undergrad and now that I'm in med school I don't have any need for that either. Without real breaks and sleep your brain's ability to actually store and organize all the information you've studied goes out the window. This is harder to do if you need to work to support yourself but you need to find some semblance of healthy sleeping habits if you want to be able to make it through all 4 years.”
- “Eat real food. Don't just live off of snack foods and coffee, your brain isn't going to work properly if you don't fuel it. It's generally cheaper to buy canned and frozen fruit and veg so if you're on a budget try those aisles. Additionally, most places have some sort of charity or community pantry/soup kitchen, use it if you need to.You don't need to be completely destitute in order to reach out for help from these places, if you are struggling to make ends meet get help from your community. It is not weak, it is not shameful, it's being smart enough to accept that everyone needs help now and then.”
- “I mean it, don't pay attention to classmates and social media influencers who say they spend all their time studying. They almost definitely aren't and if they are they have an unsustainable view towards work/school that will bite them in the butt later on.”~JSD12345
Treat yourself to a mini-vacation.
“If you have any extra money (I know, easier said than done) book the cheapest AirBNB you can find within the area you can get to with the transportation you have available. Go alone or bring a friend, and have a mini-vacation, just for a night or weekend. It's very refreshing to have a change of scenery, even if it's in your same city.”~goshawkgirl
These are some great ideas to help cope with the all to real burnout. Remember to show yourself the grace you give to others because your best is all you can do.
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