People Share Family Secrets They've Discovered That Made Them Reevaluate Their Relatives
Family is a strange thing; you can't choose them, you just have to deal with them. So many families share and hold onto so many secrets. When you're a kid they're always chattering about it UNTIL... you enter the room and everybody falls silent or laughs like hyenas for no reason. That's when you KNOW... something is up!
Redditor sirferrell asked everyone to divulge What was your family secret that you found out? The things you learn even 'Melrose Place' couldn't match!
CHA-CHING!!
My step great grandfather and great grandmother never actually married. They put on a fake ceremony of sorts but didn't legally wed so she could continue getting her deceased husband's social security, life insurance, etc. Didn't find out until great grandma died. They had lived together for around twenty years.
THE FEMALE WOODY ALLEN...
My mother's sister got kicked out of the house when she was 14 because she was stealing from her parents. When you're poor and one of seven children... yeah, you don't do that.
Anyway, she soon gets pregnant and has the baby at 15. Gives it up for adoption. That's not the family secret, though.
She finds and marries a guy in his forties when she's 18, and the guy has several children, the oldest of whom are around her age. She stays with this man for over 20 years, and has a few kids with him.
Then one day, she decides to run away with his daughter. My aunt and her stepdaughter (who is her age!) have been together now since I was a very small child.
WHERE DO WE BUY THE MOVIE RIGHTS?
Turns out I have a black uncle. Didn't find out until my grandmother told my aunt in a semi-lucid moment while she was bedridden.
No, it's not what you think. When my father was a kid, his family employed a black housekeeper/maid/whatever-you-call it who was around 16 or 17. My dad recalls that sometimes she'd bring her little brother to come by and play with my Dad and his siblings. Then something happened - apparently things were bad at home, or maybe the parents got in a car wreck - I think it was more the former, but I don't recall. Anyway, while the daughter was old enough to become emancipated, she wasn't going to be allowed to take custody of her younger brother and he was going to be put into foster care.
So my grandfather called his lawyer friend, and very quietly adopted the boy so that he could continue living with his sister. Keep in mind my grandfather was a doctor, and this was a small town in the rural south during the 1950's/1960's. It likely would have been somewhat-to-significantly damaging to his reputation had this been made public - hence the secrecy.
Anyway, never met the guy, family hardly knows anything about him, though I know he has a family and is doing alright. So yeah, I have a black uncle. And my grandmother missed taking that secret to her grave by just a few months.
I'M YOUR PRIVATE DANCER.... DANCER FOR ME $$$
My uncle died suddenly of a heart attack. At a strip club. After a private dance. And the stripper was a nursing student who performed CPR on him for a while until paramedics arrived.
OH FATHER...
Me, in a way. or who my dad was, depending on how you look at it. The details would take a pretty long while to type out, but essentially, my mom hid me from my dad and told me my entire life that he was dead before I was born(to prevent me looking into it.). She made up a random guy, provided pictures of him, (but never of my mom with him) gave a story on how he died and I spent 20 years never thinking to question it. Apparently my dad and my grandmother would find ways to try and contact me, but my mom and my grandma on mom's side would shut it down and threaten them if they did. Whole thing is crazy. At 20 my dad found me on Facebook and told me the whole story, providing pictures of the two of us together when I was barely a toddler, as well as pictures of him with my mom. Apparently they had a falling out and my mom wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. My dad and I are very cool now, the whole story is absolutely heartbreaking, especially for my dad's mom. She wanted to get to know me so desperately, and only did in the last two years she was alive. My dad and I text once a week, and it's pretty grand when it happens.
SOMEBODY HAS BOUGHT THERAPISTS SOME HOUSES...
Take your pick:
- grandpa tried to kill my dad
- grandma gave birth to my dad when she was 12
- my cousin is a adult film "star"
LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES...
My French grandmother was in love with a German soldier when she was a teenager in occupied France. He died at the front, but I found some old love letters he wrote her when we cleaned her apartment after she recently passed away.
THERE'S A TWIST!!
My uncle is older than my mom, and when they were kids he would tease her incessantly that she was adopted. She was pretty scarred by that (and other older brother terrorist antics...).
I don't know the details, but he was registering for something when he was around 60 years old and needed his birth certificate (and either lost his or never had one). He went to the local courthouse where he found out he was adopted. His adoptive parents (my mom's parents) were both dead by then so he couldn't ask them all the questions he had.
IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THE LIQUOR!
Great grandfather was a federal judge and also a successful bootlegger. One of the cowboys who had worked on our families ranch used to joke that the reason he never got fired in the 40+ years he worked for us was because he knew where on the ranch some rival bootleggers are buried. I always thought he was joking until a few years ago while going through some old oil leases I found a letter forbidding any drilling (test or otherwise) or roadwork on a particular half section of the ranch.
There are a ton of jobs or favors that don't require much skill, experience, or labor, and people who are fortunate enough to get hired walk away with a king's ransom.
Looking for those kinds of "jobs," however, is like finding a teardrop in the ocean.
Few who struck gold, at least temporarily, shared their experiences when Redditor NikTheNerdBoy asked:
"What's the dumbest thing you were paid to do and how much were you paid?"
Good luck finding these well-paying tasks.
Running Errands
"Had a WFH gig working sort of as a personal assistant for a rich guy on the opposite coast from me. I did all kinds of wacky sh*t for him. For example, one time I had to break up with my boss's girlfriend because he was too wimpy to do it himself. That was literally my job."
"One day, I bought him a new pickup truck. Meaning, I negotiated the deal and paid for the truck with his credit card. All in all, I'd say the process probably took about two weeks, for which I was paid my usual wage at six hours per day. No big deal."
"Somehow, his dad found out about the new truck and he decided he wanted a new pickup truck too. He called me about a week after I bought the truck for my boss and said he'd pay me $2,000 to buy a truck for him. I called the same dealership back, spoke to the same salesman, told him what was up and basically said give me another truck, same price as before. The salesman was only too happy to comply."
"It took ten minutes to make the phone call and then a day or two to get the title and other paperwork sorted out. So, depending on how you look at it, I made $2,000 for just ten minutes worth of 'work.'"
"Somehow, my boss's rich friend found out about all this. He decided he wanted a new SUV. 'OhYeahThrowItAway, you have to buy it for me!' I told him the last time I bought someone a vehicle, I got paid $2,000. The friend was basically like F'k it, I'll pay you $3,000, just get it for me' and then he emailed me his wish list."
"That deal took a little longer, maybe two weeks."
"I made $5k extra in just two months buying vehicles for lazy (or dumb) rich people."
Staying Out Of The Picture
"I was paid $300 to move my car for a movie that was filming by my apartment."
– dragoblaster666
Pack It Up
"Got paid 10k to leave an apartment because it was sold and new owner wanted to move in. I was tenant (renter) under previous owner. I had 4 months left in my rental contract. This was in Spain (Barcelona)."
European Vacation
"I was flown to Paris to do a compliance audit, the systems weren't set up for the audit, couldn't get access so spent the week being taken to restaurants and shopping. On 1 of the days and at the last minute the company decided to send me to London for a meeting, literally just to meet people. I missed the Eurostar because I forgot my passport (totally blanked that I was entering another country), they had to rebook the Eurostar. Nothing was achieved out of this trip. No audit was completed. Nothing came of the meeting. The cost to the company 25k+ for me to do nothing for a week. Corporate money is ridiculous money."
– _Justag1rl_
Not much labor was required for these so-called "jobs."
Ten-Minutes Of "Work"
"I used to work for a PR agency. Every month one of our clients wanted a handful of photos re-sized for their website; nothing fancy, just setting the width to 500px in Windows Photo Manager."
"It was maybe ten minutes of work every month, but the contract said the minimum amount of time we would charge them for was one day - and this was for the full team too, not just me. It must have cost them several hundred pounds every month."
"I showed the client how to do it several times, and explained that they could save a lot of money doing it themselves. They didn't seem to mind."
"In the end I made sure I got it in writing that I'd informed them of their options and let them get on with it."
– TheRainyDaze
Thank You, Goodbye
"$175 to do some kind of user study at Netflix, I show up in the lobby and then they go, 'actually we got the data we needed from the studies earlier today, you're free to go!'. Still got paid!"
– Lycid
Hush Money
"I did an event for a national association for deaf people at which they did every presentation in ASL. I am an audio engineer, who specializes in live sound and concerts. I did nothing for 5 days of show, $450 a day."
– murter95
Paid To Play
"I got asked to do 2 hours of barrier watch (Guarding a barrier ribbon while a crew did x rays inside a power plant). This was asked last minute after a 12 hour shift so the bonuses of staying happening to be a Sunday, etc I was being paid $110 to stand and play on my phone and make sure sure nobody tried to pass all the DO NOT ENTER DANGER DANGER signs during a time of day with minimal personnel."
– Hotel29
Movie Scene Dance GIF by FandorGiphyGotta Have Wendy's
"I was driving for uber. Picked up a bunch of drunks at like 2 AM. They were like 'Yo we gotta grab some Wendy' I go 'I'm sorry this is my busy period' they go 'Can we bribe you?' I go 'Absolutely you can bribe me.'"
"One the guys said I'll give you $100...I was shocked it was that high, another guy said '$150' and finally his wife said 'F'k it I want Wendy $200 and we buy you Wendy too.'"
"I finally said yes, FYI I hadn't said yes yet because the reality is $20-$40 would have gotten me to stop at Wendy."
"So there I sat at Wendy as those 3 drunks bought me wendy and paid me $200."
– luther_williams
Substitute Chef
"One time I was at this super fancy dinner party. I'm talking servers and everything, I was in a freaking tux! It was outside and catered by a professional bbq company. I mean these guys had won international competitions. Well get this, they were double booked and didn't show. The other servers didn't know how to grill, and this totally smokin server in her 30s is just staring at the grill like a deer in the headlights. Well I don't want to be a hero but I ask if I can help. The entire staff spend the rest of the night bringing me drinks as I make this bbq and NOBODY realizes the award winning chefs didn't show up!"
– Train3rRed88
Where Do We Apply?
"Ok this wasn't a job or anything.... But I got 10$ to eat half a watermelon."
Some opportunities present themselves.
When I was a kid, I hung out at a Japanese summer festival booth where you roll a bowling ball on a track that had two hills. The objective was to push the ball hard enough to get it over the first hill but not too hard to get it over the second hill.
I was fascinated with the challenge and stayed there for a long time as my parents were over by the food booths with their friends.
It was a slow day, and the dude working the booth wanted to peace out for a bit, so he offered to pay me $50 to "hang out" in his stead.
Of course, I said "sure."
No one ever came, and I earned fifty bucks rolling bowling balls for an hour. Was it the dumbest thing I ever did for money? Maybe, but I laughed all the way to the piggy bank that day.
That guy really must have despised his post enough to give a twelve-year-old kid $50.
Food is for survival. That was the plan. But over the years it has become somewhat of a way of life. Some of the most annoying people are foodies. They get so uppity about the preferences of others. Like, let me just enjoy what I enjoy.
Mom No!
Mom Smile GIFGiphy"I don't like my mom's cooking."
"Livestock have refused to eat my mother's cooking. She's a terror in the kitchen."
Take them OUT!!
"I hate walnuts in baked goods. It tastes like wood shavings and completely ruins the flavor."
"I love walnuts but I feel this way about raisins in baked goods, raisins are fine by themselves but not in sweets, I once ordered cinnamon rolls at Hardee's and bit into it and found out there were raisins in it, and I was grossed out and didn't want to eat it. At least freakin' McDonald's serves real cinnamon rolls without freakn' raisins!"
The Fart Ingredient
"I don't like kidney beans except in chili."
"I don't even really like them in chili. I'd rather have pintos in everything."
Oh thew Crunch...
"Pickles and onion make the best sandwich. I make most of my own pickles from stuff I grow or get from local farms in the fall, but I responded to another comment with two different heinous concoctions I enjoy. Crunchy, salty, sour. I really like pickles and onions to begin with."
"I use more than pickled cucumber though. Like the last one I made, I used garlic naan, mayo, red onion, scallions, pickled garlic, green olives, Kalamata olives, garlic dill cucumber, and green beans. Shallot, sour pickled onion, sweet pickled cucumbers, and sushi ginger on sprouted 14 grain bread is also also a favorite of mine."
No Sizzle
bacon GIFGiphy"I do not like bacon."
"I've been learning this over the years. If I'm gonna do bacon I much prefer the maple bacon since it's sweeter and doesn't overpower with saltiness."
- truije15
Who doesn't like bacon? That seems like a sacrilege. Right? But to each their own. Though I will never understand not loving walnuts in comfort food. Y'all need more self love.
Love the Big M
"Fast food tastes amazing, yeah its unhealthy as hell but don't you sit there and lie and say it tastes bad."
"Pisses me off when people act like they're better then McDonald's. What the hell? McDonald's is incredible and billions of people buy their food still. The same can't be said for other restaurants."
Blasphemy!
golden girls flirting GIF by HULUGiphy"Cheesecake is disgusting."
"I don't find cheese cake disgusting. It looks good. Smell delicious. Has ingredients in it that I love. But i can not eat more than one bite. It is too rich. One bite and i feel sick."
Too Many Legs
"Lobsters and crabs are giant insects."
"I don't really think that's that controversial, in my area of the world we even call this creature a 'Moreton Bay Bug' even though some fisheries try to give it the more appealing name of 'flathead lobster'."
bad bones
"Boneless wings are vastly superior to bone-in wings. I think bone-in wings are a ripoff because when you get half a pound of them, part of that half-pound is inedible. It's like if you ordered a quarter-pound cheeseburger, but the restaurant considers the weight of the plate to be part of that quarter-pound and you end up with just a slider. Just give me some damn meat."
The Slime
man oyster GIFGiphy"Oysters are truly disgusting and absurdly overpriced for quarter sized pieces of snot that tastes like salt water and hot sauce."
- C_23_s
Ok, I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want to judge. But some of these opinions... are leaving me shook. Except the oysters. That is that work of the devil. Look away...
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