Every family has secrets. Sometimes they are so taboo that no one is allowed to bring them up - like when a parent has a secret kid, or when your grandparents turn out to have been bootleggers during prohibition (pretty cool if you ask me though).
Sweet_Baby_Breesus asked, What is the "Thing we don't talk about" in your family?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Dad has a secret kid.
GiphyApparently our dad had another kid about 8 years older than me. My mom blurted something about it after their divorce when she was pissed about something. It was along the lines of "if he thinks he can forget you exist like that other kid of his...", she then turned very white and I was never able to get more out of her than that. My dad pretends he doesn't know what I'm talking about but has apparently told my brother a bit of the story and then backtracked and never talked about it again. So yeah, apparently I'm not the oldest.
A crazy custody battle.
GiphyThe fact that my cousin got kidnapped when he was a baby. Long story short, two young teenagers got knocked up, got married, aunt wanted a divorce but husband was abusive and manipulative, and she fled out of state back to us (her family). He followed her to try to talk it out, she let him inside to talk, he took my baby cousin who was sleeping in her arms, and fled out of state. Then he took her to court for abandoning her child and refused to let her see him. 20 years later, my cousin seeks us out and we all reconnect. Thanksgiving dinners are great, but we don't talk about that whole ordeal.
To The Nunnery
My grandfather's brother was a priest when he was younger. His wife of 40+ years used to be a nun. Their first child was born a few months after they left.
Prohibition Act
When I was growing up, I always heard stories about my dad as a kid hanging out in his mom's tavern. The first time we visited his home town, he showed us his house, which is on a crossroads and split-level - front door goes to the top floor, "basement" (or lower floor) opens out the back, which has a small road / parking area and that's where the tavern was.
It wasn't until many years later that it dawned on me that my dad grew up during Prohibition... grandma was a bootlegger...
It gets better...
- His home town is on a road that was considered a "bootlegger's highway" from Canada
- He went through jump school in the same class as Henry Hill (whose life Goodfellas was based on)
- One night in my teens a friend of his (who I'd never heard of) knocked on the door at 10pm. He and his two buddies (all italian) wanted a place to sleep for the night. They were gone in the morning.
- His pension and the work he did after he retired couldn't possibly explain our lifestyle
Mom has forbidden me from digging into it any further.
Hidden Death
GiphyThat my parent's died from AIDS in the early 90s when I was 2.
Growing up I never knew how my mother died, and I was told my father just "dissapeared". I remember throwing a tantrum in middle school for wanting to know what really happened to my parents. My aunt finally told me the truth (well more yelled at me about it). I remember crying alone in my room for hours. I'm pretty sure their death was the starting point for how... strange my family is.
Anyhow my family hasn't mentioned it since then and I'm now 27. As far as I know we've never said the words HIV or AIDS aloud in my family. If it must be talked about it's "that disease" or something similar.
My friends constantly wonder why I never mention my parent's and I still have hangups telling people why/how they passed away. It makes me feel so conflicted inside because I know I should have nothing to feel ashamed of but my family and society makes me feel my parent's deaths should be swept under the rug.
edit: i want to make it clear we do talk about my mother. She isn't forgotten. Just her death and the exact cause is something that is avoided at all costs.
First Wife
My grandfather remarried a women who almost immediately developed Alzheimers and forgot who he is. He is now dating his first wife while his actual wife is confused who anyone is. He refuses to divorce because the scumbag family of his second wife bailed when they saw how expensive she was going to be, and my family had to get her care because she was too much for my grandfather to take care of (he is almost 90.) I called out the relevant members of her family for bailing and was told I was being rude, which might be true, but I'm also fucking right.
Excuse me?
My great grandfather was a member of the Nazi party, oddly enough my Grandma(his daughter) is the coolest/most tolerant banana in the bunch
Paying It Forward
GiphyI've got an unspoken thing that's actually quite a bit different. As far as I know, my dad started this. I learned from him, and will hopefully also pass it on the same way.
When I was a kid, my dad took me to Wal-Mart about a week before Christmas. Not unusual, really. I was around 12 or so at the time. Old enough to understand what was happening. We went to the service desk, and my dad got out his checkbook. He asked the person behind the counter to pick a layaway at random, and he would pay it off. The lady didn't seem too fazed by this, so I assumed she maybe had seen him do this before, or maybe my dad wasn't the only person who came up with this idea.
Anyway, he paid off the layaway thing, and then he brought me across the lobby to the McDonald's there. I asked him what he did, and he just smiled. He said something along the lines of him paying it forward. I don't remember exactly what was said, but that was the general idea I remember about it. 12 year old me didn't have a talent for storing memories. I thought a lot about this, but I could never do it myself with my allowance, plus I wanted to buy GameBoy games at the time.
My dad died about ten years ago. It was sudden; unexpected. It was also 3 days before Christmas. Now, I'm sure you know where this is going, but for me, this was a rough time. We had family in for the holidays, and my mom was a wreck. I was the oldest, so I had to step up and make all the arrangements. My siblings were pretty shaken up as well, but they helped how they could.
On Christmas Eve, I went to K-Mart (no other store in my area still did layaway). I walked to the back of the store to the layaway center. I did the thing my dad taught me for the first time. I asked for the lady to pick out a person at random, and I paid off their ticket. I thanked her for her time, and walked out. I didn't make a big deal of it, and I have never mentioned this to anyone other than my wife.
Every year, a week before Christmas, I go to K-Mart and pay off a layaway item. I don't tell anyone I'm doing it. I just do it. I do it in memory of my dad. I do it for myself. I do it to give someone out there a nice Christmas. I wish I remembered what my dad told me that day, but I do remember the conversation being selfless and basically just making someone else happy for a change.
I plan to do this with at least one of my own kids. I'm sharing it with you guys not for karma, praise, or recognition. I don't know any of you guys. I just hope that maybe some of you could make a struggling family really happy this year in an anonymous way. Let them believe in the magic of Christmas just for one year.
EDIT for non-US people: Layaway is an in-store program that lets you reserve an item in the store and pay it off over time. Once you've paid it off, you get the item.
Well, that's awkward.
That time my sister stole thousands of dollars from my father's business while working there.
Wow, they still speak to her?
My father doesn't trust her, but we still get together at least once every couple of weeks for dinner like nothing ever happened.
The gay uncle.
My uncle and his "friend" who's been around since I have memory (almost 30 years). They've never had a female companion, they live together, damn they even owned a gay bar at some point. Very Catholic family so that's probably why they never came out.
I thought it was something they kept from us "the kids" all these years until I had the courage to ask my dad and he said that's never been discussed, that he has never even asked my mom about it.
That seem happy and travel all the time so that's awesome. I just wish they could just be who they are around their loved ones.
Drugs destroy families.
GiphyI thought it was that my aunt was hardcore into drugs. Turns out nobody knew. To be fair I didn't "know" per-se but it was so obvious that I thought everybody knew but didn't mention it.
My family was blown away when she got busted going to Florida to buy pills so she could resell them here. I was like, "yeah, duh."
Reminds me of my cousins ex-wife. She always looked zonked out, and worked at a nursing home so I figured she was stealing meds. Everyone was super confused after she collapsed at my other cousins wedding after having a few drinks. apparently she had a lot of pain killers in her system.
My mom said that she didn't know what somebody on drugs looked like. I was like she doesn't act normal at all.
Suicides are truly an epidemic.
The numerous suicides. It's FINALLY getting to the point where they admit that these people even existed, let alone died. One of my great uncles killed himself before I was born and if not for all the group photos and my great aunt being a decent human, I wouldn't have ever known his name. My mom likes to pretend they died in "car accidents" or "heart attacks." It made for some real confusion once I got older.
Awful.
Huntingtons disease. My grandpa died from it, my uncle is getting worse and worse and my niece and nephew have 50% to get it. We all pretend it isn't there because it's difficult to talk about,especially since my grandma is still alive. She knows how it will be.
Think your family is weird?
GiphyOK, to break the chain of secret girlfriends and estranged relatives, my family does not talk about cottage cheese.
I can tell you want to hear more about this, for that we must start at the beginning. My father is a lover of all things dairy. He would drink so much milk as a child his mother would tell him "You either have to become a dairy farmer, or marry a farmer's daughter". And dear dad did just that when he and my mom tied the knot.
Dad also loves cheese; solid cheese, soft cheese, and... cottage cheese.
Dad is however, very squeamish. He cannot stand the sight or thought of blood, body fluids or .... cheese curds. This makes enjoying his cottage cheese (by the quart) difficult. No one is allowed to talk about cheese, curds, whey, or how it is all made when he is enjoying his snack. If you make the mistake of mentioning any of these things dad ends the conversations by throwing his hands in the air and yelling "WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!"
That's so strange that he's squeamish about body fluids but loves milk and cheese! He knows milk is quite literally a body fluid, right?
- People Share The Most Insulting Gift They've Ever Received ... ›
- People Share The Worst Cases Of Bad Parenting - George Takei ›
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.