Let's talk about people. But, specifically, "other" people. You know the ones. You're out with friends at a restaurant, trying to enjoy a relaxing evening together, then you hear them. Loud. Obnoxious. Everything they say is so important they have to talk with their hands. "Other" people.
Then, without warning, they say something so profoundly silly, so incredibly stupid, it sticks with you for the rest of your life and becomes a blot on your brain.
These are those times.
Reddit user, u/Nothing_here1, wanted to hear the dumber part of dumb & dumber when they asked for:
What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard?
...And Do The Math.
I used to work in a grocery store and this elderly woman said, "Twenty-five cents a pound? I can get them 4 pounds for a dollar at Safeway."
It's All A Government Conspiracy!
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My friend thinks that hibernation is a hoax because she's seen pictures of bears in the snow.
The first picture she showed me was of a polar bear.
Mum, Asking The Real Questions Over Here
my mum once asked if they had wind in canada...
Canadian here, can confirm we have wind
Wait?! Tattoos Are Needles?!
When I did tattoos, I had a guy come into the shop that wanted "Mr. 113" on his wrist. Not really all that out of the ordinary. We get it drawn up, my co worker placed it and she starts to do the tattoo. As soon as she starts, the guy screams in pain and jumps up.
"What the hell is in that thing?! Is there a needle in there?! That hurts!"
.... what?! This guy was in his 30s or 40s. How do you not know how tattoos are done?! He said, "I don't know. Just thought it was some permanent ink or something."
The guy went outside for almost an hour to smoke and I guess hype himself up. He got the outline done at least, but couldn't take the pain anymore and didn't get it filled. Still can't believe he didn't know tattoos were done with a needle michonne_impossibleAt Least He Answered Instead Of Laughing
My brother used to be a park ranger.
One time a lady asked him how long it took for a deer to become a moose.
He said about 7 years.
Are THEY Getting Enough Oxygen?
Oxygen doesn't come from trees, it comes from the air!
Did He Have An Opinion On Who Did It Better, Though?
Someone was convinced that Queen stole the bass line to "Under Pressure" from Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby". He wasn't even saying it as a joke.
His thought process was, that "Ice Ice Baby" is older because he heard the song before he had heard "Under Pressure" for the first time.
Causation Does Equal Correlation
My lecturer tried to tell the class that smoking was healthy because "my dad is a heavy smoker, and he's survived every heart attack he's had"
Do You Hear Yourself?
A few things;
"Hey Miss, how many chicken nuggets come in a 50 piece?"
"Ma'am, on my order. Do my sausage-egg McMuffins come with egg?"
"This is ridiculous! Why would I need to show you my ID? I'm just ordering a beer!"
I'm sure I'm missing a few but those three specifically stand out in my mind.
The 32nd Flavor Is Alcohol
My aunt told my mom that my brothers and I were drunk off of our ice cream cake on my birthday.
She was convinced there was enough alcohol in ice cream cake to get drunk.
Even With Maps?
My brother once adamantly told me that he believed New Zealand was right above Canada... as in connected by land.
It took me twenty minutes and MULTIPLE maps to convince him otherwise.
Just Start Saying "Not Old Mexico."
As a white male who lives in New Mexico, I constantly get asked stupid questions when I travel.
Including: Do you speak Spanish? Oh so you don't live in the United States? How was customs?
But You Hear Us Now, Right?
Fifth grade. My friend from Australia [is] visiting in South Africa and while he is sitting in class with me people ask what language is spoken in Aus.
He and myself say English.
We were then marked as liars who are trying to decieve everyone.
What Is It With The Need For Maps?
When I was in eighth grade Spanish class, our teacher decided to do some kind of location-place-landmark activity. We were shown a picture of a landmark and it's name, and the aim was to say which country and city it was from, in English and then in Spanish. A picture of a castle comes up and underneath it said "Edinburgh Castle".
Pretty obvious one right? Well, when the teacher asks which country it's from one girl raises her hand and says "London". The class is laughing now but when the teacher corrects her and tells her it is in fact Scotland, she says what I think is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life.
"Huh? I didn't know the Queen lived in Scotland."
That's Not...No?
One of my best friends fully believed that stretch marks were caused by wearing tight clothes.
It Goes Cold, Then Hot, Then Warm, Right?
My coworker once asked me how to make the water running from the dish washing sink's faucet "warmer". I looked at it, and it was so hot it was steaming. I asked her if she meant she wanted it colder? No, I want it warmer, so it's warm and not hot!
I reached over and turned on the cold water, then walked away.
We are the same age and she's a native English speaker.
A Math Lesson To Remember
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A girls in math class didnt understand fractions. We got down to this because the teacher was explaining smething else pretty simple that she didnt understand. So broke it down and figured out she didnt get fractions. Well, thats a little odd but with a minute of explanation she should get it.
Nope. Teacher asked "what is larger, 1/2 or 1/3?" The girl said 3 is more than 2 so 1/3 is larger.
Teacher drew two circles on the board, divided one in two and the other in three parts. "Which is bigger?" Girl gave the same answer.
Teacher erazed both circles, grabbed two pieces of paper, ripped one in half, one in thirds. Held up a piece of both "Which one is larger?" Girl pointed out the 1/3 piece.
"Forget that there are more piece" and he binned the rest, holding up the initial two pieces again. "Just look at the size. Which one is larger?" Girl pointed out the smaller one again.
Defeated, teacher lowered his arms and walked back to his desk. "Please take no offense in this... but are you familiar with the words and concepts of "smaller and larger"?" He asked, as this class turned more sesamestreety by the second.
The girl said she did. Teacher pointed outside. "See those trees? Which is larger, right or left?" "Left", girl said and she was right. The left tree was about 5 metres taller. "Then which piece of paper is larger?" Holding them up again. Girl pointed out the smaller piece and the teacher walked out of the classroom.
*checks math notes
Me: "What weighs more; a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?"
Coworker: "Bricks!"
It took me about 15 minutes to explain the answer to him, which included me drawing it out on paper and using a kitchen scale with different items for examples.
I drank so much that night.
What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard someone say? Share it with us!
Ok, who is watching the clock? Those seconds aren't going to count themselves. The only way to understand time is to be its witness. Although that can get depressing. Let's focus on the light and cool.
History...
Calculate Figure It Out GIF by OriginalsGiphy"If you are an 80-year-old American, you have lived through approximately 1/3 of our nation's entire history."
Those Days...
"The 80s were 40 years ago."
"This is what messes me up because I was born in 82 and graduated high school in 2000 so for some reason my brain is stuck on the 80's being twenty years ago. The 70's thirty years ago etc etc. I have to stop and realize sometimes that my concept of how long ago things happened is way off."
Time goes by...
"We observe that light travels at 186,000 miles a second, but given the vast size of the observable universe, that's a snail's pace. But from the point of view of a particle of light, time doesn't even exist."
"Time slows down as you approach the speed of light, and theoretically stops completely when you reach the speed of light."
Years Gone By...
"MLK Jr. and Anne Frank were born in the same year."
"Betty White was born in 1922. Automatically pre-sliced packaged bread loaves became commercially available in 1928. Betty White is six years older than sliced bread."
Long Live the Queen!
queen elizabeth images GIFGiphy"The queen and Marilyn Monroe would've been the same age."
"And Marilyn Monroe and Andy Griffith were born on the same day!"
- osme1
I swear Liz is going to outlive dirt. Wait, I believe she already has. Well she won't be alone, she'll have Betty White. At least she better have Betty. Time is nothing without Queen Betty.
TV Time
Season 2 Omg GIF by Paramount+Giphy"Happy Days was a TV show made in the 1970s-80s about teenagers in the 1950s. Similarly, That 70s Show was made in the 90s-00s about teenagers in the 70s. If a similar show were to be made today, it would be about teenagers in the 2000s."
- VVillyD
A Croc
"If a T-Rex imagined a creature as ancient as the T-Rex is to us, it would be a Stegosaurus. If that Stegosaurus imagined a creature as ancient as the Stegosaurus is to us, it would be a Crocodile. If that Crocodile imagined a creature as ancient as that Crocodile is to us, it would be a Shark."
On the Clock
"On a twenty four hour clock the amount of time that humans have been on the earth would total around five seconds."
"How about this one: If Homo Habilus first appeared at midnight, 24 hours ago, that means the first Homo Sapiens appeared at 9:25 PM, or about 2 and a half hours ago. The first human civilization, in lower Mesopotamia, appeared at 11:57 PM, or about 3 minutes ago."
"The Western Roman Empire fell at 11:59 PM, or 1 minute ago. Everything that has happened since - the Crusades, the Plague, the discovery of the New World, the world wars, all of it - has happened in the last minute of human existence."
And that's just OUR Sun...
"The span of our lives are so insignificantly small that our Sun will last another 5 billion years. That's 9 zeros people. Our eldest live to around 100 in the best places. That's 50,000,000 (50 million) times longer than any person can reasonably expect to live. And that's just OUR Sun. The universe as a whole has probably existed for magnitudes longer than that already and will continue to exist until the end of time as we know it."
Tell Me a Story
william shakespeare GIF by will herringGiphy"We know what a good storyteller Shakespeare was but there were Greek playwrights who wrote shows nearly 2,000 years earlier that are pretty good, too."
I hate time. Only because I'm petty and irritated of the amount I squandered. That's neither here nor there though. Time marches on and continues to amaze. I'll keep watching.
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