Trouble will find us no matter what. Even when we do our best to walk the straight and narrow... or do our best to cover our tracks, the universe will send justice. Justice often is sent in the form of mom and dad or 911. They will be swift and heavy and it makes going home the most nerve wracking experience. Home becomes the enemy but being naughty comes with consequences.
Redditor u/CosmicLuxray wanted everyone to open up some tales about naughty behavior by asking.... What was your "I'm f***ing dead when I get home" moment?
Don't be Dirty!Giphy
When i was a kid (grade 1) we got to wear our halloween costumes to school(i went as a doctor), and my mom told me to not get my costume dirty. Well we had painting time and of course i ended up with paint on the outfit. Hearing my moms words in my head i thought i was going to be in so much trouble, so my best idea was to hide in the cupboards until pick up time. I was so upset i had to show my mom my ruined outfit and cried when she picked me up. She ended up not being mad and we turned the splotches red with paint to make it a more 'realistic ' doctors outfit and all was saved. carrotcart
I was arrested as a teenager for graffiti and malicious damage. My mum had to leave work to come get me out of lock up. That car trip home was horrifying especially because i knew when i got home my old man was going to absolutely tear me a new one for being a damn idiot. goreway
"I'VE SWALLOWED MY CHEWIE!"
More of a 'dead IF I get home' story: My mum always used to say "Don't swallow chewing gum. It will wrap around your heart, and you will die". I can't remember how old I was. I'll say 7 or 8. One day, while out riding my bike, it happened. I accidentally swallowed my chewing gum. I abandoned the bike where I'd stopped it (maybe 100 yards or so from my house.
What use was it to me by then? I was terminal), and screamed "I'VE SWALLOWED MY CHEWIE!" ("chewie" being slang for chewing gum, where I lived). Fearing for what little precious life I might have left in me, I ran home, in floods of hysterical tears. I was hoping to I'd at least have enough time to explain to my mum that I was about to die, and why, rather than have a stranger find me in the street with no explanation, and cause my family to panic.
I didn't die. matildamint
Im pretty old, so this happened a while back, when i was in Jr. High. An occurrance in school.
Just want you to know that i am the living, breathing actual reason why cherry bombs became illegal in Texas.
BTW; Juvie is not that bad if you are admitted as a folk hero. Bebe_Bleau
Every waking minute for the first 25 years of my life.
My mom is a violent sociopath. toidi_diputs
I was SO clever!
Growing up, I had a friend who lived a few doors down from me. 15, I was pretty rebellious and was seeing a guy my family forbade me from seeing (hindsight, they were right for good reasons).
One day, I had the genius idea to tell my parents I was going to my neighborhood friend's house, when really I was walking .5 miles to visit said boy. I was SO clever!
The grand plan came to a halt an hour later when my friend came over to my house asking if I wanted to hangout. Probably should have told the friend I was using her as an alibi... My parents called my phone, and didn't say anything except "come home now", and I just KNEW they knew. I've never had the anxiety like I did walking home that day. thepaige
Was hanging out with some girls when I was 14, one of them was mad I wasn't drinking their beer so she poured it all down my shirt.
I was mortified that my mom would smell it on me, so I washed it in ocean water then hosed it down with "Off" bug spray.
And my Hail Mary worked! Got away with it, LOL. eljefino
Oh I was so damn wrong.
When I was in 7th grade I was dealing with a lot of depression over the year which made me not want to focus in class a lot so I fail 2 of my classes which meant I would have to go to summer school. I was handed a paper stating I had to attend summer school if I want to move on to 8th grade. Obviously me being the scare nervous child I just kept quite about it and hid the paper in my bag. I got home I hop on the Xbox hoping that my parents would just come home make dinner and I could tell them tomorrow when I calmed down.
Oh I was so damn wrong.
My mom practically kick down the door and yelled for my name, she came upstairs saw that I was on the Xbox and she was furious about that and she straight up yelled at me for a good hour. I swear my mom is gonna kill me in my sleep on day and I wouldn't be surprised. msunfair
4th grade troubles....
When I was in 4th grade, this guy used to kick me in my shin every single day. One day I snapped. I borrowed my friend's perfume, sprayed it in the kid's eyes, punched him a few times, then walked off the school bus like a G. I went to daycare directly after school, and the bus driver ended up parking there so that she could rinse the kid's eyes with water. The director of the daycare center called my mom and I just knew I'd get into so much trouble.
Once I told my parents the whole story, they weren't mad. I also didn't get in trouble at school because I had a good reputation. I had a good relationship with my principal and all of my teachers, so they knew that I had been pushed to that point. I have no regrets. TheLocaChica05
I set my school on fire.
I was with some friends who had a lighter after school. There was a large amount of white fluffy balls that i think come from some sort of tree during spring. They began talking about how you can burn a dandelion and it'll have a cool effect. Naturally my eyes went to the field which they noticed. We gathered up a small handful and lit it on the cement not the field.
We weren't completely stupid but the wind carried the burning embers to the field next to us and suddenly the sky went black from smoke. We ran like idiots and where caught a couple blocks away.
Got ticketed and a court date. I walked home that day. Not out of having a lack of funds for the bus but wanting to buy some time. Anon761
Moms not Happy....Giphy
In 5th grade we were on the computer during some free time before school ended (1998, so being on the computer was a big deal). My friend happened upon an unblocked porn site, and we dared him to set one of the pictures as the computer background. He resisted, resisted, and with the peer pressure of 4 boys aged 10-11 years old, he quickly did it as the bell rang. We thought it was hilarious.... our moms did not. Wu-TangJedi
I was 7 years old and I was sent to my room for some reason. We lived in a one-story house so it occurred to me that I could open the window, push the screen out, and go to my friend's house accords the street. It felt good to escape for a moment but I knew I was in for it when I went back home. And I was. buzzmebrotendo
It was a dark day.
I skipped school to hang out with my boyfriend. He convinced me that I sounded just like my mom on the phone so I should call into school and pose as my mom saying I was sick. So I did. The office lady took the info and I thought that's that.
10 minutes later I get a call at my boyfriend's house from my mom. Office lady knew something was off and called my mom at work. Mom knew where I'd be and called my step-dad to go get me. He was already down the block by the time she called me at his house. I still remember the icy chill of her voice when I got on the phone. It was a dark day. bnbdp
We knew we were damn dead.
Well it was my friend's birthday and we all were at his house. Our friend who was 17 (we were fish, he was a junior) picked all 5 of us up at midnight and we drove around. We ended up in my friends neighborhood around 2:30am and the speed limit was like 35 and our driver decides 85 is close enough to the limit. We see lights and all crapped ourselves. The cop interrogated our driver and questioned why we were out past curfew.
Anyway we got a warning and we all unpoop ourselves. The cop is walking to his car to leave when one of our friends recognized the cop as his neighbor and yelled "Officer ___ it's me your neighbor." We all just looked at him. He claims to this day he was the one to get us out of being put into juvie. Anyway we get home to the lights on in the kitchen and the bedrooms. We knew we were damn dead. Reddit
We were fish on a school trip. Dad had told me not to swim into the blue because I have one pec which is smaller than the other. I was determined to prove him wrong. Ended up being abducted and in a fish tank in a dentist's office in Sydney.
My dad eventually came to pick me up with this weird girl he met underway. He was glad to see me, I though he would've killed me. GeneralBamisoep
I skipped school and my mom texted me in all caps
"YOU SKIPPED SCHOOL??"
Turns out I forgot I had life 360 on my phone. BillOnMyPoopButt69
"Hey I'm up stairs"
I received a detention for doing something bad in 3rd grade. As I was walking home from school I noticed my dad's car in the driveway when he normally wouldn't be home for another 2-3 hours. I just knew, I knew why he was home early. Walked in the front door and I instantly hear "Hey I'm up stairs". Never got a detention again after that. SeriesLive
The Koolaid Man.
Well i was already home and it was thanksgiving morning. Mom worked nights and was on her way home. Me and my brother fought often and this day we started fighting in our narrow hallway. He grabs me to i guess put me in a headlock or something and i lower my body and stick my butt out and he proceeds to push me against the wall and my entire butt goes through it like the koolaid man.
Well a few minutes later my mother pulls up and i decided to take it on the chin and tell her what happened before she saw it for herself Huskimbo9
(Progress reports are the bane of society)
It was eighth grade and I had gotten a D on my progress report (progress reports are the bane of society) and your parents had to sign them for the school. I sat in the grocery store parking lot while my dad screamed at me for getting a D. Swear to god I felt like I was tilting on an axis. He went into the store and it was dead quiet. I cried the whole way back. I knew he was going to tell all his friends about it too.
It was absolutely the worst, and I'm not a bad kid. To this day my parents getting progress reports or report cards terrifies me even if i get something like a 79 in fear of the screaming.
Edit:wow I know everyone never expects it but I REALLY didn't expect this to be seen by so many people and have them relate as well. It makes me sad that this is a universal thing but at least we can band together. Sharknado92
"Where the hell were you that day?"Giphy
My parents didn't let me date. As a girl-obsessed high school kid, one day I decided to ditch my $3,000 SAT course that my parents paid for and hang out with this girl I was crushing on. I lied to my parents that I was going to do some after-class group study with some people in my class afterwards so I could earn a few more hours to be with this girl. Everything went fine that day. My parents didn't doubt me a bit.
The trouble came a week later. I forgot to hide any "evidence" that I wasn't in class off my desk (used movie tickets, receipts from Panda Express, etc.), and while I was in school, my mom discovered those things in my room. When I came home, my mom's mood suddenly changed, and she scarily asked me, "Where the hell were you that day?" and handed me all the "evidences" and lashed out on me for three hours for wasting my precious time on girls while I should be focusing on schoolwork. My parents and I didn't talk to each other for two weeks after they discovered that I lied.
It was one of the sweatiest moments of my life. TuxedoCatSupremacist
Not all television and movies are loved by all.
A story and its characters have to appeal to you in order for you to be engaged.
It can take next to nothing for us to lose interest and let the screen go black.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop JumpingFight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy
"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
Talk to MeIn Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut UpScared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
Dramawill devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy
"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
I fear death.
I wake up in cold sweats dreaming about it.
I think about it in my waking hours.
It's an obsession and clearly, I'm not alone.
But there are more preferred ways to exit.
All we can do is hope to be lucky enough to skip the mercilessly awful.
Please just let me go quick and in my sleep.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trappedseason 6 friends GIFGiphy
"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
GooNot Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Most Americans think nothing of their humdrum daily activities or amenities available to them.
However, others with a different perspective might romanticize the things that are otherwise commonplace ideas and concepts for US citizens, like going to a diner or riding the school bus.
One Redditor looked to foreigners to hear of their American desires to respond to the following:
"Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?"
The things depicted in film really captivated foreign audiences.
"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox."
Iconic Student Transport
"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV."
Just Like The Ones We Used To Know
"A white Christmas."
"Living in an Australian state where I've never even seen snow in our winter, let alone experiencing that classic Hallmark movie moment of waking up to a street full of it and sitting around a fireplace while opening gifts/preparing a feast."
"Guess it's not strictly American, but the imagery and trope is something I've only really seen from American Films."
They may be ubiquitous for us, but they sure seem to be novel ideas to foreigners.
Let's Be Frank
"One of the hotdogs from those little street cart things."
"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.'"
"Apple Pie made by white-haired grandma, placed near window, who says 'oh dear...' as I levitate towards it."
"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff."
"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better."
There are places to see!
Places To See
"America’s greatest invention!"
Backpacking In Nature
"I always wanted to hike The Appalachian Trail if that counts. Or see Yellowstone."
"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process."
My cousin told me she looks forward to visiting a Trader Joe's someday when she visits America for the first time.
Her bucket list option was hardly surprising. My parents used to bring treats from TJs as a novelty souvenir gift item, and my relatives ate it up. Literally.
Let's face it. The snacks at TJs rocks.
Even store locations in New York City would have ridiculously long lines during busy hours because the West-coast-based grocer was a novelty on the East Coast.
Many people work hard from the moment they are on the clock until their respective shifts are over at the end of a long day.
For many of those in the workforce, the wages barely sustain a comfortable living, especially for those who are raising a family.
Yet, there are jobs that are known to pay a higher salary without requiring extreme physical labor, or the requirement of higher education.
Curious to hear what those jobs might be, Redditor ImAMasterBayter asked:
"People Break Down Which Professions Are Completely Overpaid"
Extensive training requirements are not a thing, apparently, with these professions.
Daily Dairy Duty
"I watch milk powder go into a bag and out on a conveyor and get paid $37 an hour."
Eyeing Dirt In Motion
"Mine? I get paid $20.50 a hr to watch dirt go by on a belt all day."
The Handy Man Is Happy To Help
"I am a handy man that charges $50/hr with a 3hr minimum, a couple months ago I got a call for service that consisted of changing 9 smoke detector batteries, 2 light bulbs, and rehanging a picture. I felt bad taking the money but the guy couldn’t have been happier to have that stuff finally done. He asked for my card and is now a very good client."
Words From An Appraiser
"I make about 40 an hour after tax in the US as a real estate appraiser. You just need a college degree and a year of training and there is a huge shortage of appraisers right now."
"Edit because this post blew up: I only perceive this job as being overpaid because I used spent most of my 20's making pizza for minimum wage and imposter syndrome is a thing. Also, OP said he was looking for a possible career, and I felt like my job post was better than a troll post."
"Appraisers are not real estate agents or brokers. I do not buy or sell property."
"I do not, 'look at zillow and copy the number' and I don't just, 'make the number' in valuation. While I agree there are some appraisers who may lie or exaggerate, the same could be said of nearly any job. However, if I were to intentionally try hit some goal and got caught fudging the numbers, I'm looking at permanently losing my license and possible jail time depending on the severity. It's actually pretty common for me to, 'tank a deal' if someone is paying too much. This isn't the wild west of valuation anymore; FIRREA is a thing now. Appraisal reports aren't just 3 pages of photos with a cover page anymore; my typical appraisal is 30-50 pages with long boring typed pages of market data that I type and research myself."
"Let's talk about the appraisal gap. In most of the US, we are experiencing a, 'sellers market' meaning houses are selling for higher than what they normally sell for. A lot of people at this thread are blaming appraisers for driving housing prices up. Let me be perfectly clear about this: appraiser's valuations are based off of past data. That is it; we look at closed sales from the past. Realtors and brokers speculate on future markets, because they are motivated by profit. If anyone is driving this current market trend, it is the people buying properties over listing price, local government/laws willingness to allow foreign investors, the people who are raising rents, and the people who are making big risky developments. The appraisers have little to nothing to do with market perception of value; in my area at least many market participants are paying over 30% of listing price. Trust me when I say these people are not satisfied when my appraised value comes in less than that."
"The hardest part of the job is definitely the occasional angry phone call. Let's look at an example. Say someone lists their house at 100k, and they accept an offer for 150k, or 50% over listing. Well the appraisal is based off of past closed sales. The bank will only finance up to the appraised value. So if the appraisal comes in at 110k, meaning the subject in relation to comparable sales from the past year in the subject neighborhood equate to roughly 110k, they will either need to renegotiate the price, or be willing to put up 40k of their own money."
"In a sellers market, it's often better to accept a deal with better financing than a higher price. Let's say in this situation instead of taking the 150k offer with a mortgage, you take a smaller offer for 140k that is all cash, no financing. Well if there is no financing involved, meaning no bank, than no appraisal is needed."
Landing work in software seems to be like hitting the jackpot of success.
"I’m in software sales, software sales. Coworker got 100k commission on a deal."
"There are an incredible amount of 'analysts' who just 'own' automated excel sheets they received from developer teams."
"Low to mid six figures is common in HCOL areas."
The Successful Client
"I do the tax returns for a guy who paid 20k for demographic research software and made something like 40M over the last 3 years. His costs are almost nothing and admitted he does like 5 hours of work a week on it."
"I got more likes and comments than I thought I would, and wanted to add some more detail. The guy himself is super nice and easy to work with. It's hard not to feel jealous even though I make good money myself. His business and personal returns are super simple so we don't even charge him that much for them."
"The software is something proprietary he paid a third party for, and I don't know the name of that developer. The data output is sold to political campaigns and he's compensated more if the campaign wins. He did have some clients on both sides but now exclusively works on one side of the aisle."
Salaries in the world of academics got a closer inspection.
"University administrators and board members."
A Stark Contrast
"I'm a professor. I love it. But the 'president's office' contains a staff of 5 people with a total payroll of just under $500k/year. Meanwhile, all the PhDs, MFAs, and DMAs who teach all the classes, advise all the students, and serve on all the committees bring home a whopping $50k-$65k/year, dependent on rank, tenure, etc. It's real fun...
"The president of my institution makes a approximately $500k/year and is provided a house on campus alongside reserved parking if he so chooses to use it. He also gets a country club membership. Meanwhile I have to pay $200 to park at the school where I TA and do research, and I get paid maybe 1/20th of what he does. I genuinely do not understand why the f'k the dude who makes six figures doesn't pay for parking, but I do."
"Edit: that should be half a million."
Some of the cushiest jobs that require less time actively toiling away seem to be paying significantly more than the average livable wage offered in the US.
Perhaps the biggest indicator of what that might be was summed up best by Redditor iadasr, who said:
"Whatever you guys are all doing that lets you browse Reddit all day..."