People Share Their Favorite Family Friendly Insults
Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

When I'm writing a new script and I come across characters who are destined to be enemies it's aways fun to concoct scorching insults to sling. And right away what you learn from your dramaturge is that less is more. You can eliminate twenty words and infuse them into a ferocious look that leaves the audience heaving. So you realize it's actually quite easy to keep it clean and classy by leaving foul words--though they often send the point home--out first. Hidden meanings in plain sight that leave people in tears are the best.

Redditor u/AvPlayz wanted everyone to share some witty repartee that doesn't require scandalous words by asking..... What is your best insult without swearing?


Alone

lonely career suicide GIF by Chris GethardGiphy

"I'm lonely not desperate."

SiGMono

Schooled

I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.

WatchTheBoom

I freaking wish they would. Dad just had a laundry list of crap that I needed to change to be more successful.

I got straight A's, lettered in Latin and AP Physics, and took all AP classes, dad. No crap I wasn't getting out for more exercise or doing more pleasure reading-- I had 4 hours of homework a night!

Saith_Cassus

Being Everywhere....

In 2004 I once told a girl, "You're like Visa, everywhere I want to be". She giggled and then went on with her life.

in 2013, while drunk at a wedding after party of one of my best friends, I was sharing stories of dumb things I did as a teen and young adult to a table full of people when a very pretty lady sitting on her fiancée's lap drunkenly slurred out, "Where have you been all my life?" to which I replied, "I'm not sure, but I got here as fast as I could"...

The two of them left soon after that statement was made.

masheduppotato

Stay back

Tell The Tea GIF by DreezyGiphy

I once asked a girl, "Where have you been all my life?"

Her response was, "I don't know, but I wish I was still there."

jeff_the_nurse

Oscar Says...

"You're a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave."

DonaldKey

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

SheriffBartholomew

Burn....

schitts creek burn GIF by CBCGiphy

I envy the people who haven't met you.

ItsShoesHere

Take the Boot

Dad's old one is "couldn't pour pee out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel."

ruessellvt

Oh no... this one got me because at first I was picturing someone lifting the boot above their head to read the underside. Took me a few seconds to realize you would flip it over instead. 🤦🏻♂️

Turns out I couldn't pour pee out of a boot.

sylveonce

You own a Mirror?

megan mullally nbc GIF by Will & GraceGiphy

Calling them by a characteristic or article of clothing they are wearing.

Whatever you say haircut. Or sure thing sunglasses.

It will bother them long after the comment.

Shazam1269

Dumb Luck

I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing.

p_cashew

I see that you haven't met some of my neighbors. Here's a good example. One of them lit their yard on fire, forgot they had a garden hose, ran around with a bucket trying to put it out, and then eventually remembered there was a hose.

Did I mention that they are a firefighter so none of these things ought to have happened? I am glad I don't live immediately next to them and that incident has resulted in me having less confidence in my local fire department... for obvious reasons.

24-Hour-Hate

Bless your Heart

dumb patrick star GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy

Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.

hnikret

Or "honey, you're not pretty enough to be this dumb."

Fyrrys

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

REDDIT

People Share The Best Conversation Starters They Know
Alexis Brown/Unsplash

Being the one to start a conversation can be pretty awkward if there's no context.

We're not all chatty Cathys and just walking up and saying "hi!" really only works if you're an adorable extrovert (or toddler. mostly toddler.)

So how are we supposed to, like, talk to people?

Keep reading...Show less
People Share The Most Disturbing Facts They Know
Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

There are just some things in life that are not necessary knowledge.

Maybe we always hold out that tiny bit of hope we will one day be on Jeopardy... because you never know.

It's the creepy facts about life that leave me wondering and reeling.

RedditorsPanzer_ace_8wanted to compare notes on the things we're aware of that maybe we wish we could forget. They asked:

"What’s a disturbing fact you know?"
Keep reading...Show less
Hitchhikers Describe The Most Memorable Ride A Stranger Has Ever Given Them
Photo by Atlas Green on Unsplash

Hitchhiking. It has to be one of the most dangerous things a person can do.

There are too many movies where a hitchhiker falls victim to some psycho, and they're shocked it's happening.

Like... Hello?!?! You got into some stranger's car. How could you not get killed?

Also, all throughout childhood years we tell kids to NEVER get into a stranger's car.

But once we're 18 that rule seems to no longer apply.

I feel like it should be MORE prescient in adulthood.

But I'm sure all the survivors have quite the tale to share.

RedditorWestTexasOilmanwanted all of the road travelers to share some memories about past rides. They asked:

"Current or Former Hitchhikers of Reddit; What person that stopped or gave you a ride was the most memorable? Why?"
Keep reading...Show less
People Divulge The Stupidest Thing They've Ever Been Yelled At About
tiburonstudios/GettyImages

There are many people who are seen as role models, but that doesn't mean those who inspire others can cause mischief.

Keep reading...Show less