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There's an old philosophical discussion about humans having no control over our lives. No matter how well you plan, you can always step out onto the street tomorrow morning and get hit by a bust. No muss, no fuss, and no control. However, on the rare moments when you do avoid the bus, you're left with a feeling of "Well...I survived." The people below know exactly what that feeling's like.

Reddit user, u/scissormytimbers, wanted to know what situation you aren't sure how you made it out of when they asked:

What is your "I survived" story?

"Killing Zone"


I am a flight instructor. The first 500 hours of flight is called the "killing zone".

However, many flight instructors are hired right out of flight school (190 hours to 250 hours depending on the path). I had maybe 200 hours at the time.

I flew into a small dark cloud that was obviously a thunderstorm. Completely dumb thing to do. Within seconds, ice built up on my wings and propeller.

Next thing I knew, I was falling out of the sky. Wings with ice on them no longer fly, nor did my propeller offer any power. My attitude indicator had tumbled, I had no idea of attitude, and my turn coordinator was beyond standard rate turn. Altimeter was circling fast, like 500 feet per second.

We broke out of the clouds maybe 500 feet above the ground, nose down, and I was able to recover within 100 feet of crashing into the ground.

I was training Chinese students at the time, and after that, they were scared of any weather.


100MPH To Hell

When I was 6, my mom, brother, neighbor, and her son all took a trip to the beach. On our way back, we were driving on the highway at about 75 MPH. I was in the car with my neighbor and her son. My mom was in the car behind her with my brother and his friend. (Side note, my mom and my neighbor were having an affair. My mom had filed for divorce 6 months prior to this event). My neighbor turns around to ask us what kind of ice cream we wanted at the next stop. Two 16 year olds were driving drunk on the opposite side of the highway. They came flying across the median and hit our car head on, going over 100 MPH.

Our SUV flipped over and over and over again- it was a crunched up mess by the time it came to a stop. My mom watched the whole thing. Both of the boys who hit us were killed on impact. My neighbor died. My neighbor's son had a fractured skull, broken ribs, broken arms, both broken legs.. he had to use a wheelchair and had pins in his legs for over a year. Apparently, my mom pulled over and pulled me out of the car. I was knocked out, and had blood ALL OVER me. She thought I was dead. Then I woke up and started crying hysterically.

I was fine. I wore my seatbelt because I wanted them to think I was responsible. Since I was so small, and wore my seatbelt, all that happened to me was a fracture in my skull, by my eye.

On August 4th 20 years had passed since the crash. My mom texted me and said that today marks 20 years since I was given back to her.


Motorcycle vs. SUV

This happened to me and my wife 2 weeks ago. We're on my motorcycle (wearing helmets) stopped with our signal on and displaying hand signals to turn left into our neighborhood.

We had sat there for about 10 seconds when an SUV (driver texting) plowed through us at 55mph.

Spent a week in the hospital an another week in rehab. I'm tied to a walker and the wife is wheelchair bound and will be for some time. It's amazing to consider how we survived. Very thankful to be here. We're finally home and it's going to be a long road. Luckily I work from home.


No Way To Breathe

I was swimming and got caught in an underwater cave/tunnel, had no clue where I was in relation to the entrance or exit, zero visibility, and no way I was getting out, my buddy luckily saw me struggling and somehow dragged me out just in time, 5 years ago and I still get heart palpitations when I think about it.


Yeah, I'll Go Ahead And Push That Tree. Why Not?

Was out hiking in my woods. Saw a dead tree that looked rotten and ready to fall across the trail. So I gave it a shove so that it would fall away from the trail.

It started falling, the trunk shattered on the side, and it was suddenly falling sideways. Hit another tree, bounced directly back at me.

Had just enough time to take a single step to the side as several hundred pounds of tree slammed into the ground right next to me, enough that I felt the ground shake.

Would have squished me like a grape had it hit.


Who Caused This Problem?


December, 1979, Cincinnati, Ohio, the Who concert. Myself and my friends were in the front waiting for the doors to open. In the background you could hear music playing, the crowd behind us started to rush to the door, I was literally picked up off of my feet. I'm in the air about 3 feet off the ground wedged between 2 bigger guys when my left leg got caught on the hand rails spreading me apart, I yelled once the pain became too much and a guy behind me lifted my leg over freeing me. Once inside the arena we settled down and smoked.

Then, when I went to relieve myself is when I saw the bodies covered up in sheets. Very thankful I was in front and not the middle. That concert is the reason we now have reserved seating vs. festival seating.


What Was In The Acid??

I fell sick for about a week. Couldn't eat or drink anything without it coming back up. Unbearable cramps to the point i couldn't walk. My mom thought it was menstral things until one night i was vomiting acid and things just stopped. Like everything stopped hurting and i felt this ease come over me. My mom comes in and immediately panics (i guess i was white, and my eyes were lifeless) but i felt so at peace. We rush to the hospital.

They took 9 hours to see me. At this point nurses and doctors kept trying to keep me awake but i just wanted to sleep. They ended putting me under and next thing you know im awake. And i woke up screaming. They said it was impossible for me to have made it as far as i did. This was 11 years ago.

**it was my appendix. It had ruptured the final night when things felt peaceful. And i was experiencing sepsis at that point.


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Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".


We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."


Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.


The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.


That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."


This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."


​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".


Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".


It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."


As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.


​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".


In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".


It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."


These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.


Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.


I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”


Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".


"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.


In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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