There's a dark part of us which revels in a good, ol' fashioned verbal or physical smackdown. You pull up your chair, edge as close as comfortably possible, and watch some punk get what's coming to them. While it may not always be you delivering the deserved final blow, the world is full of extremely talented and skilled individuals, ready to give the jerks of planet Earth what for.
And we're here for it.
Reddit user, u/MapleMemed, wanted people far and wide to come together in our wicked enjoyments and share:
Teachers Probably Didn't Mind Too Much
7th Grade Science.
Bully...almost more of a bullys henchman, said something about a quiet kid's mother. Quiet Kids mom was dead. Quiet Kid also apparently studied boxing. Who knew?
"What did you say about my mom?" wham What did you say about my mom? wham Bully Henchman was so shocked he did nothing and took the two straight punches to his face. I don't think he got in trouble. Happened before the teacher came in.
Isn't That The Plot To Every Clint Eastwood Movie?Giphy
Watching my 72 year old father beat the piss out of a guy who tried to steal my mom's purse.
Wise To Leave Everyone Alone
Was riding the bus home from school one day. Bunch of a--holes messing around in the back throwing food and other junk. A quiet, overweight kid sat in front of them, minding his own business when one of the a--holes thought it would be funny to shove an old sandwich in his face and call him fat boy.
Quiet kid stood up and knocked him out in a single hit, then grabbed his bag and walked up to the front of the bus and got off at his stop as if nothing happened.
Don't Look Back When You're Ahead
Yuppy frat boy in an econ course I was taking my freshman year got caught cheating. At my university, we all sign a contract agreeing to their honor code policies, and cheating is an automatic expulsion. But, the professor decided to be nice, and was just going to give the kid a zero on the exam.
Frat kid doesn't think that's enough, and it turns into an argument. Kid starts saying how "in" his family is at the university, and how none of this matters because he'll just "pull some strings". Long story short, our professor is actually close friends with the chancellor of our school. Not only did the kid get expelled from the school, but they somehow got him into legal trouble as well for some of the comments made in class that day. I don't know what was said that could have been used against him, but the kid ended up in some deep sh-t.
Choose Your Opponents More Wisely
There was this guy who was part of our group in college. He was an a-- but he was one of the guys' brothers so he hung out with us a lot. Whenever he would get drunk he would try to pick fights. We would just shake it off and ignore him.
One of the guys hosted a pretty big NYE party. As it goes, this dude got drunk and tried to pick fights again. People were getting uncomfortable. There was one guy at the party who was about 6'4 and built like a tank who was just not having it. He waited to be confronted and then immediately carried the guy outside and threw him down on a stair and broke his leg.
He stopped picking fights after that.
Thank You For Your Honest Admission
Me drunk af on a party bus for my cousins 21st. Being a complete a-- because I was letting my brother who had issues with someone get me worked up on his drama. Got in a huge brawl outside of one of the stops and decided to take a shot at one of the guys I didn't like. Hit him with everything I had. I mean EVERYTHING!
I literally broke my f-cking hand on his face. He got up, looked at me, and calmly said "You just f-cked up."
He was right.
Greatest Weapon Is Your Brain
This is low key, but I enjoyed it:
My first week at a white collar job (my first such job), and we were in the middle of a department wide meeting - about 17 coworkers and supervisors altogether.
The person leading the meeting asks a question of no one in particular, and several of us answer. My answer differed from the rest. One guy turns to me and says: "let's leave these questions to the people who actually have a masters degree, shall we?"
I looked at him and said: "I have a masters degree." The room went silent, except for one guy who loudly 'ooohed.' I had given the correct answer, to top it off.
Don't Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Watching a middle schooler think she's tough enough to pick a fight with a h.s basketball player get thrown to the floor and nearly get punched in the face.
One of those moments when you realize why most schools go grades 6-8/9-12.
Suddenly, You Have Everything To Lose
My cousin was walking home one day when a guy pulled a knife on him to try and mug him.
My cousin apparently just laughed in his face and then proceeded to beat the crap out of him. My cousin then walked home only to realize he had be sliced up in the arm.
Don't mess with ex-military with nothing to lose.
Don't Try To Trick A Trickster
This was at my old job a few years ago. Hispanic woman cussed me out for not letting her use a three year old expired coupon, calling me racist, so I called up my Hispanic store manager.
She was PISSED, there was a brief screaming match before the customer finally slunk out. Boss said she couldn't wait to get a call from corporate about it, she was ready to go over it; her biggest pet peeve was people using the race card for stupid sh-t.
When You Can Impersonate Jason Voorhees...
Not as good as the other ones here, but I still thought I'd share
Me and my friend group live in Australia so don't be confused when I say we're 12-13 years old in year 7
We're all around 5-5'8'', except for out American friend Tyler who's about 4'5". Right after we had got our school photos taken, all of our year were waiting around an area tucked away in the back of our school. Tyler stole my friend Nick's (whose about a foot taller than Tyler and we're all kind of scared of) water bottle and started attacking Nick with it cause Tyler's a bit of an a--hole.
I started recording because I knew what was gonna happen next, Nick turned around and coincidentally, as I was watching through my recording phone, my phone slipped from my hand and I caught it without dropping it, but during that half a second of time, Nick Jason Vorhees styled picked Tyler up choking him and threw him onto the ground. Tyler didn't speak another word to Nick once that day and I always watch the video at least once a week.
Study Your Craft. That's All You Need To Do.
I didn't see this, but a 5'2" friend at work told me about when he went to a club with his friend (a 5' Asian guy) and parked in the alley behind the club. When they came out, there were guys trying to break into his car.
"Hey, leave my car alone."
"Yeah? What are you going to do about it?"
Well, turns out the Asian dude was a black belt in 3 martial arts. When they attacked him, they had zero chance. He singlehandedly left three large (6'+) criminals laying in the alley with broken arms, legs and ribs and drove off.
Don't. Mess. With. My. Employees.
Working at the local supermarket while in high school. We had an old guy who collected the carts. Then to 'help' him we hired a mentally challenged guy, early twenties. Terry was well over six feet tall but he was like a child. The most kind-hearted guy I ever met. The checkout girls loved him.
One day we got robbed. Guy came in and while the till was open he reached over and grabbed a fistful of cash. He would likely have gotten away with it too if he hadn't made one fatal mistake - he pushed the cashier. One of the already mentioned checkout girls.
Well Terry was a good distance away, but he saw it and instantly he was moving like Lawrence Taylor. The thief made it like 100 feet outside the door and just around the corner before Terry tackled him. I'm guessing they hit the ground pretty hard. A couple of managers ran after them and then the cops showed up. Then the ambulance.
A few minutes afterward, Terry came back with the managers and a couple of cops. Apparently the managers had to pull Terry off the thief.
Who Are The Tough Guys Afraid Of?
Friend of mine used to own a pretty big bar that would probably need three bouncers on big nights due to how rowdy it could get. He only had 2 though. He had a policy where the bouncers were not allowed to use throws if the drunks got violent. Too dangerous on such wiggly folk.
One bouncer not only ignored this but would do it to show off. When confronted after nearly killing a guy on a throw gone awry the jerk got physical and found out why there wasn't a third bouncer. The scrawny looking owner was actually jacked and a retired marine.
Don't. Touch. The. Drums.Giphy
There was this guy who played drums all the time in Hawaii on the city strip. Nice guy, never chatted much except for a wave and to throw him a few dollars. Some drunk tourist decided it would be fun to mess with his drums. Guy gave him so many chances to walk away. Drunk tourist winds up for a punch and the dude just knocked him out in one punch. I just stood there and my buddy had the presence of mind to tell the guy to pack his sh-t and leave before the cops come. Guy was pretty f-cked up and we helped him till the ambulance came. I'm pretty sure with the way that his jaw looked it wouldn't be a short recovery.
Don't Put Pride In Anything That Can Be Destroyed
My high school boyfriend and my older brother. My freshman year of high school I met "Scotty". He was a little on the weird side, a scene kid, but he was nice enough. Until the day he decided to hit me. I said something he didn't agree with and in retaliation he slapped the bejeezus out of me. If there was an award for best b-tch slap then Scotty won it. My head snapped back, saliva flew from my mouth, tears formed in my eyes.
We had had been in the car, sitting in traffic behind some accident or other. He kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. I sat down on the side of the road and called my brother because I wasn't ready to deal with my mother's reaction.
My brother showed up in his Jeep, held up traffic on a Friday afternoon to make sure I was okay. He had even stopped at the store and bought me a bag of frozen peas for me cheek. We drove on, the car was deadly silent. My brother was steely faced, white knuckle gripping the wheel, pure-white anger in his eyes.
We drove past our road and kept going. He pulled into Scotty's yard and stormed up to the door. I stayed in the car. Scotty came out, five foot seven to my brother's six foot three. My brother grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him a good foot off the ground. I didn't hear what was said, all I know is my brother never had to hit the kid, whatever he said to him made Scotty go pale and shaky.
Brother laid him down on the front porch, came back down, got in the Jeep and wrecked that boy's front yard. Tore it the hell up. Scotty's dad was one of those guys who won awards for his yard.Scotty had to explain to his dad why his yard was messed up. His parents called and apologized for their son's behavior. We never heard another word from Scotty.