As an actor, everytime I step off a stage and mingle with an audience inevitably, someone is going to ask it. The same question. The same odd fascination. "How in the world do memorize all of those lines?" I'll admit, they ask with genuine fascination and mild adoration but... really? That is the main question? Not the emotion we evoked, not the hilarity we inspired. No. Just the lines. It gets frustrating. It feels like everyone skips over the magic part and goes to the mundane.
Trust me, anyone is capable of the memorization. Unless you struggle with a disability that involves the brain and memory.... anyone is capable. The mind houses thousands of songs, lines from films and the oddest details from that could qualify you for "Jeopardy!"
Redditor u/HilbertCube wants everyone to stop being so overly inquisitive. Like, why would you even ask that? They asked the internet..... "Oh, you're a programmer? I have a problem with my printer...". What's the equivalent of this in your job?Am I a Bank?
rich danny devito GIF by QuickBooksGiphy"Oh you work in finance? What stock/fund should I buy? / you must be making a boatload on your personal investments with all the insider information you have access to!"
A Genius? Ha!
"Oh, you're a teacher? Please explain to me how my child's teacher had the audacity to give them a C despite it being very obvious that my child is a genius!"
Bonus points if they want you to explain the grading criteria in a completely different subject and level of schooling than you teach. Like, I teach high school and community college English and Social Studies - why do you expect me to know the grading criteria for middle school math?
Doctor. Doctor.
Oh you're a paramedic? I have this thing on my toe, Will you check it?
Ask for $5 look at it for two seconds and tell them to go to the hospital/doctor.
I would tell them that if they wanted me to look, they have to call for the ambulance since it carried all of my very specialized tools.
windy taking off GIFThe Numbers Game
"Oh, you're an accountant? Can you add and/or multiply these huge numbers in your head lightening fast?"
No. You have no idea what I do....
Came here to say this. I am in corporate finance. I took a tax class or two back in 2003, so I might have SLIGHTLY more knowledge than the average person, but seriously not much at all. I'm really good at pivot tables though!
For Free Please...
"Oh you're a Graphic Designer? Can you make a logo for me really quick? It's for my cousin's birthday. I don't have any money to pay but I'll have multiple revisions that will cut into your actual paying work time, but then get upset when you ask for payment."
I typically respond to those questions with "Sure! Before we go any further, what's your budget?" and once they realize this is going to actually cost money, they get upset that you require compensation for your time (and explain how their relative can do it for free).
For the Music
Cinematography and Photography. I had a guy walk up to me the other day while doing street photography and ask me if I do music videos. I'm like ??? no, and even if I did I wouldn't take a job from some random who walked up to me on the street and tried to make a verbal contract with no discussion of pay.
Walter?
aaron paul what GIF by Breaking BadGiphy"Oh, you're a chemical analyst? You must know how to make drugs."
the fix....
Oh, you work in construction? (Proceeds to ask about fixing things around the house, asking if something was installed wrong because it doesn't "look right", or wanting a price quotes for various projects).
I love using this one, I'm a Carpenter and Construction Project Manager, I get these little requests all the time, easiest way is to say "Yeah nah, that's screwed, gonna take some work to fix, maybe take it back to the frame because it wasn't built for that purpose and needs rework.", you watch their face turn pale and they reply "I... I... I can live with it I think.", works every time. ;)
For the Celebration....
marisa tomei picture GIFGiphy"You're invited to my.. party/event/wedding/celebration.... please could you bring your camera."
No Mary!
Oh you are an accountant, can you do my taxes?
No Mary i can't. I work for a corporate company not frigging H&R block. I mean I probably could but I don't wanna.
Its either that or "you're an accountant? Cool." Then proceeds to talk to other people because you can't delve deeper than those two outcomes into the convo. (Talked to a dude who just said that and we all ended up standing in silence for a few seconds after he did).
Wires Crossed
season 1 episode 3 GIF by Dream Corp LLCGiphy"Oh, you're an electrical engineer? Can you wire my garage?"
On the Road
"Oh, you're a truck driver? Can you come tell me what's wrong with my car?"
Umm, ma'am, I just drive the damn things... You want the shop guys for that.
Edit: Okay, wow. lots of attention on this one. To clarify a few things:
-I know how to do basic maintenance on my truck: Replace bulbs, fuses, etc. But for serious repairs, that's on the shop
-Yes, I know your great great grandpappy twice removed drove a truck since he was 3 and can take one apart and put it back together blindfolded. Most drivers aren't like that. All I'm saying is driving them doesn't automatically equal being able to fix them by any means.
-Yes, I know how to check my fluids and all that. In fact, we're required by law to do it every morning. Too many drivers don't, and that'll come back to bite them in the @ss sooner or later...
The Author
"oh, you're a writer? Can you help with this very important legal letter?"
And a non-job bonus: "you're married to my programmer son, can you help me with my phone?" My husband gets the "you work in IT, my printer isn't working" questions from his mum. She thinks he does tech support. He programs systems for universities, government departments, etc.
Frontline Doc
"Oh, you're a pharmacist? Well I have this huge, gaping wound on my left butt cheek, can you look at it and tell me what I can use over the counter?"
Sir... Please go to the hospital...
In some countries, pharmacists can act as the kind of first line of access to the healthcare system. They have walk-in clinics for people who can ask 'Is this really serious enough to see a doctor about, or can you fix it with a pill/cream?' I've seen that a lot in the developing world, where doctors may be scarce.
Not all machines
"oh you're a mechanical engineer, can you fix my car?"
I'm a mechanical engineer and I'm really good with machines but I know nothing about most actual systems. I always tell people that I can figure out the problem eventually, but I'm probably going to need to have it for a month, strip down the entire thing, and might end up saying "this part is chipped and there's nothing I can do."
Do you think so?
therapist safe place GIF by LuciferGiphyOh, you're a therapist? tells me about their family member who really needs to see a therapist.
Rocks and Stuff
"Oh you're a geologist? What kind of rock is this?" Just kidding, we love that crap and will tell you a long story of the history of that rock and how we saw examples in the field in the middle of nowhere.
Other common questions include:
- Is this a meteorite? (no, it's industrial slag)
- Is this a diamond? (no, it's quartz)
- How much is this rock/mineral/fossil worth? (probably $0)
- Is this a dinosaur bone? (no it is not)
- Is this gold? (no it's pyrite/fools gold) geckospots
The Wild
I work with wildlife and reptiles and get asked all of the time. Many times I have convinced the people to either re-home the animal or drop the $500 needed on proper supplies.
And I managed to have one guy fined because he admitted and had video proof of releasing an invasive species of turtle into the local waterways.
Beneath the Sky
carl sagan space GIF by Feliks Tomasz KonczakowskiGiphyOh you're an astronomer? Why is my outlook as Pisces so negative this month? I heard all the planets are going to be lined up what does that mean for my horoscope?
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We've all had a conversation with someone where they say something where they've said something incorrect or inaccurate.
Sometimes, our gut reaction is just to laugh, as it was an honest mistake, such as mixing up a pair of celebrities or misusing or mispronouncing a word.
Other times, we might feel the need to put them in their place and not only correct them but educate them.
Then there are the times when we have just heard something so shockingly inane that we are left completely and utterly speechless.
Redditor Moo1124 was eager to hear all the dumb things the Reddit community heard which left them dumbfounded, leading them to ask:
"What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say?"
Before You Denounce Something, Make Sure You Know What It Is
"'I don't believe in astronomy'."
"We asked her if she meant astrology, and she asked, 'which is the one where like, you can tell what stars are made of?''
"We confirmed that was astronomy'."
"'Yeah, I don't believe in that'."- octohog
That Explains All The Traffic Jams?
"That when you press on the horn of your car, it lowers the amount of air in your front right tire due to it helping make that horn sound."- Boomstick123456
Oh, Dear...
"I was walking around the ruins of the ancient cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde just outside of Mancos, Colorado, (where the Ancient Puebloans lived from approximately 550 A.D. to 1300 A.D.) when a visitor asked the tour guide:"
"'Why did they build their homes so far from the highway?'"- badwolf1013
driving los angeles GIF by HOLLYWOOD LOVE STORYGiphyRibbet...
“'I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand, I'm amphibious'."- Master_Grape5931
Racist No Matter What...
"Apparently when my daughter was first born she looked vaguely East Asian."
"Enough, at least, for the nurses to ask if I was sure it was my baby."
"Now that was an incredibly weird thing to say to a new dad meeting his daughter for the first time, but it wasn't the stupidest thing someone said about this situation."
"That happened when I was retelling the above story to a client in a meeting."
"He asked to see a photo of my kid as a newborn, remarked how she really did 'look Asian', and then proceeded to ask if I thought my child might end up having an Asian accent when she got older."- JoeyCalamaro
Cbs No GIF by HULUWhen Life Gives You Lemons
"Asked someone if they drove a stick."
"They responded, 'no, I drive a car'."
"Now I have a dad joke I’ll remember forever."- 99problemsbut
ID Please...
"I once found a big bulldog in my back yard."
"I don't own a bulldog."
"He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy."
"He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local."
"I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors."
"As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard."
"So another case closed for our young detective."
"I walked over to them and said, 'You guys missing a bulldog?'"
"The mother looked at me and said, 'Is his name Tyson?'"
"The question took me aback."
"I mean, he didn't have tags."
"They knew he didn't have tags."
"So all I could think to say was, 'He didn't say'."
"'But I'm pretty sure he's yours'."
"To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was."- Spodson
looks stupid english bulldog GIFGiphyUnder The Influence
"Stoned friend ."
"What year is February in?'"- IHave47Teeth
Woof Woof...
"My teacher told a class of 16-17 year olds about that super loyal dog in Japan who walked to the train station daily for nine years to wait for his owner, who died at work."
"After hearing that story, a girl raised her hand and asked 'Why didn't somebody just tell the dog?'"- Senator_Ruth_Martin
That's Why The FDA Warns Against It...
"When I was 12 years old a friend told me 'smoking is good for you because the smoke makes a shield around your heart when you breathe it in'."
"He argued that the smoke could prevent you from being stabbed or shot."
"Even at 12 I knew he was a moron."- ipondy
There's Denying Global Warming, And Then...
"Solar panels will cause a global ice age, because the law of thermodynamics states energy cannot be created or destroyed, so obviously they must be removing heat from the air."
"With no sense of irony of the scale nor efficiency (or lack thereof) of solar panels and their capacity to cool."- peptobiscuit
In Debt, Maybe...
"I knew a Finance major in college who thought he was worth $20k because he had two credit cards with $10k limit each."- alano134
No one loves a know-it-all.
Especially when they don't actually know anything at all...
Shoplifting is a prevalent issue, but why do people do it?
Some reasons can be as banal as boredom, but other are far more intruiging.
Redditor WineOhCanada wanted to understand why people steal, so they asked:
"People who shoplift on the regular: why do you do it?"
I loved shoplifting.
Until I was caught, that is. I was a price tag switcher.
I apologize.
So Excited
Happy Thomas Lennon GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"It makes me feel alive. Jk I don't any more but as a kid, it was for sure a thrill thing."
silly-billy-goat
The Need
"I’m going to give an actual honest answer as someone who has not done this in many years… it becomes addicting."
anewchapteroflife
"Came here to say this. Back in my high school days, I would do it all the time. It's like a rush. Now my shoplifting days are when I forgot the can of soup on the bottom of the grocery cart and don't realize til I'm loading it in the car."
TheRumpleForesk1n
"I used to work in loss prevention. A lot of times we would let you go; especially teenagers. We knew you would be back and have pictures on the wall of you. We focused on shoplifting rings with a higher dollar amount and employees. Employees rob you blind."
taco_cop
The Hit
"I was greedy and had poor impulse control. While shoplifting was terrifying... having the shiny new thing after gave me a dopamine hit. I got caught three or four times and I thank Christ I was under 18 each and every time."
happyele
"It was less about greed for me I think, I've never been addicted to any drugs, whenever I got caught I would always test negative for anything, the custody sergeant who would take my fingerprints/DNA/drug swab would say 'Sean you're the only one that comes in regular that's not on any drugs, what's going on?' I explained that I was homeless, lost my job because the company I worked for folded, and life just kicked me in the butt."
"Flirty Chez I called her, and she would always give me extra food whenever I was brought in, I just thought that was how she was, then one day she said I need a girlfriend and I shot her down, no more flirty Chez. She was shooting her shot and I rejected her without even knowing it."
hardcoresean84
Exchanges
"Much to my mom’s embarrassment, I was a serial shoplifter as a baby. At least I had the presence of mind to take off my socks and shoes and leave them scattered around the store in exchange."
UsualFrogFriendship
"I was once on a camping trip with my parents. We left the campsite for a day and when we got back our soap had been stolen from the tent. Just our soap, nothing else was taken, but we did find the shoes of the perpetrator!"
"This kid left them right at the entrance of our tent, so it was not difficult to find out who did it. When we went to get the soap back and give him back his shoes, sadly the kid threw it over a fence, so we never got it back."
ptbroeke
Influences
Breaking Bad Crying GIFGiphy"My easily influenced mind was corrupted by TV. If it's good enough for Marie Schrader then it's good enough for me."
DavosLostFingers
TV rots your brains and decision making capabilities.
Do the opposite of your favorite characters.
End of Times
Nbc Shoplifting GIF by SuperstoreGiphy"When I was bedridden due to Covid, I had a friend who shoplifted a whole damn box worth of medicine from different drugstores."
"I was very impressed and confused, as I didn't ask for it. Great friend though!"
pepper-blu
Criminals
"As a former loss prevention officer, most of the people I stopped were stealing to resell the items. Many people were clearly drug addicts and many people I stopped had meth and other drugs on them. Not every shoplifter is stealing to buy drugs, but a ton of them are."
"A lot of other people just stole items they wanted, and some people just have a stealing problem and would take whatever random BS they came across and thought would be easy to steal. If I ever saw someone stealing food I'd usually look the other way, but that was pretty rare to see someone taking food, it was usually clothes, electronics, makeup, or tools."
BigBudZombie
The Rush
"Addiction. And that's addiction to shoplifting, not drugs. It's a rush. Confidence grows with each success. It becomes an obsession. It brings an amount of power when stealing from giant corporations. For me, this question is similar to asking an addict why they are addicted to drugs or alcohol."
"I haven't shoplifted in three years. I attended Shoplifters Anonymous and continue to go to therapy which are both very helpful. I'm very lucky I didn't lose everything."
tacoterrarium
Self-Control
"In high school, I dated this guy who would shoplift and I got influenced to start doing it. After we broke up I kept doing it all throughout college since I was a broke college student who had no self-control. I only shoplifted from big retail stores and told myself it was 'okay.' Post college I stopped because the possible consequences as an adult and to my career were not worth it."
isatacobelle
There was no good in it
"I used to do it as a means to support my drug habit. I wouldn't call what I was doing shoplifting though. I moved the volume and high-end merchandise. Honda generators from Home Depot or Lowe's. Shopping carts full of Tide pods, and Similac baby formula. I'd hit Nordstrom during the holidays for their perfumes and colognes. COACH, Burberry for purses."
"I made a good chunk of change from it, yet I was still homeless. Most of my money went to drugs, and hotel rooms at shi**y hotels. I'm no longer like this. I reached out and went to rehab this past July. I now have 132 days clean and sober, and work an honest job. My life's boring as hell now and I love it. Even though people on the street complimented and applauded my skills."
"I was never proud of myself for any of the stealing I was doing. There was no good in it. Now I feel good about myself and can be proud of what I do. It's a nice feeling to go into a store and not have to be aware of my surroundings and not tighten up when the greeters ask for a receipt. Because now, I can happily show them one. Lol."
Crotch-Monster
Think First
Steve Austin Wrestling GIF by WWEGiphy"I work for a 3-letter retail store in NV and we have a ton of theft. I see a lot of random products for sale on the FB marketplace. If it adds up to over $1,200 it’s grand larceny and you get arrested."
"Walmart also allows up to a certain amount to be returned with no receipt and you get cash back."
samisalwaysmad
What have we learned kids?
Theft never really pays.
Do you have any experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
