The 2019-2020 school year has kicked off, signaling a thousand panic attacks and a million sharpened pencils. While college might be an eye-opening, world-expanding experience for most, others observe the university-going time of their lives as an opportunity to finally get some sleep, sometimes at the expense of class. However, there are many who've walked where they've walked, and they're happy to tell you what they learned after making it out alive.
Reddit user, u/conspiracychannel, wanted the wisest words to follow when they asked:
What's the best advice you can give someone starting college?
Alarms For Every One
Use a calendar app to keep track of your classes.
On the first day of class when you receive your syllabus go home that night and input all your important dates(tests, projects, etc) for each class.
This is a REALLY good one. Also use the same calendar to keep track of social events, "me" time, study time, etc. Block the time in your calendar, and try to stick to it.
When someone invites you to a thing, and you can look at the calendar and see an empty spot, it's super easy to be able to say yes without hesitation, because you know that you have critical time booked already.
Turn Up Notifications To Full
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Check your goddamn email
Perhaps I should elaborate a little bit more because a lot of you are making some great suggestions. I go to a "paperless" state university so everything is done through some portal or another. I have had entire assignments done through email, if I hadn't checked then I would have gotten a 0.
This is my 4th year at school and I've been an RA for 3 years now. It is so incredibly surprising to me that every year i have a handful of freshman tell me that they didn't get the notice because they don't check their emails!! I have my email on both of my computers, my phone, and my tablet and I check it at least once an hour every day of the week (again because everything at my university is through email/internet). Some of you may have slightly different experiences but this is the reason behind my comment.
50 Is More Than 0. That's Just Math.
It's better to try and do something 50% than to just not try, don't let the fear of failure stop you from doing something.
If you fall behind it's so easy to just let it consume you but you need to claw yourself out of that mindset inch by inch
A Place To Lay Your Head
Make sure your dorm is your safe-haven.
You'll always be able to find social events and parties, but you don't want that becoming the place where you sleep at night
Ask A Question
If you don't understand something, speak up. You are not the only one with the same question. It's far more important to stay on track than to look ~cool~ in front of your peers.
If you're intimidated by talking in class- take advantage of your professors office hours. Building that relationship and showing I was trying saved my ass a time or two.
Use All Available Resources
Take advantage of professor's office hours. When I was in college, I didn't want to be a needy pain in the arse so I didn't bother to get to know more than just one of my profs.
My daughter just graduated college, and before the ceremony, we went to her school of business department brunch.
I was shocked what a valued relationship she had with her profs. Life long friendship happening there. They love her and have sound advice that I could never provide to her.
So use your resources.
The last piece of advice I can give you is that you will make your best friends in college. Life will happen and you will lose touch a bit. Then more life happens and you will reconnect and continue to have the time of your lives together.
Do What You're Interested In
Take advantage of summer internships in a field that you actually see a future in, rather than working ones that don't interest you on the merit of them paying more. (Edit: If you can afford to do so)
It can be really tough to break into certain lines of work after college, and a number of these bottom of the totem pole positions are only offered to current undergrads or very recent graduates. I can't emphasize enough how much a leg up you'll be giving yourself in life if you seek out these types of opportunities while you're still in school.
Sometimes, A College Might Just Be A College
BE SMART WITH MONEY!!!
Enjoy the experience, meet people, study abroad if possible, but dont go to a Harvard-price school for a degree that is useless in the real world
You Know, That Thing You're Supposed To Be Doing...
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Go to class.
It's easy to fall in the habit because of the potential fun out of class activities. It's not high school. They aren't going to come figure out why you are missing class. You'll just fail out. I saw way too many smart people who just couldn't resist the party and late night life and failed out of school. You keep the debt and you have nothing to show for it.
It's All On You
College gives literally zero sh-ts about you. You can skip classes, you can text in class, you can eat in class, you can walk out of class, you can avoid your homework, you can fail tests. They do not care. You need to have the motivation and self discipline to get your a-- to class, pay attention, and do your homework.
Edit: wow, this blew up. Okay, this obviously is a case to case basis. It depends on the school, on the class, on the professor, on the year. Your situation might be different. That's fine! My point is you are not babysat like you are in high school. While you are cared about, it isn't to the extent it has been for the past twelve years.
Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.
Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.
U/Imaginary_East5786 asked: What was the weirdest thing the weird kid did at school?
Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.
Was it worth it?
peeing ralph wiggum GIF
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He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.
> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'
> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended
> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended
> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended
Uhhh what was the intention here?
He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.
Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.
Boom theret.
At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."
So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.
I hope there was no overlap in the columns.
Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM
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She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.
2 separate lists or just the 1?
Same list 2 columns lol.
Holy crap.
Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.
This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.
Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.
Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.
Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.
A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.
Every school had the cat girl.
cat dragging GIF
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The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.
Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.
Mood.
Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.
I was exactly this kind of weird.
He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.
The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.
I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man
Those who work behind bars meet people from all walks of life and hear a variety of unusual anecdotes.
I never worked as a bartender, but I know they get an earful from babbling patrons who have had one too many to drink.
Curious to hear about the wild life stories shared at bars, Reddit xXSlimi_Gacha009 asked:
"Bartenders of reddit, what was the weirdest/craziest thing you have overheard while making someone's drink?"
Attention Seekers
Patrons say the darnedest things.
Bobby
"The first restaurant/bar i worked in I was only serving but I frequently was in the section right next to the bar. One day I was busy serving a large group, but the restaurant was mostly empty and a guy behind me at the bar said 'you wanna pet my parrot?' my initial reaction was the same as if a stranger had just come up behind me and touched my shoulders but when I turned around... It really was a guy with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrots name was Bobby and yes both me and the bartender pet him 😂"
– Midiblye
Sales Pitch
"I was tending bar during an extremely busy happy hour. The place was mobbed and super noisy. Suddenly, a guy sitting at the bar stands up and announces 'Ladies and gentlemen of the bar, I represent the Acme meat company and we carry a full line of high quality...'. The entire bar goes silent while he continues to do his sales pitch at full volume. For some reason he decided that this was a great time and place to hustle up some business. My manager sprinted over to him and told him knock it off and that kind of thing wasn't allowed in here. So he sat down and resumed drinking."
Favorite A**hole Bartender
"Regular of mine who I hadn't seen in awhile was sitting at the bar when I came in for a shift change."
"I came in the back way and noticed he had crutches leaning against the bar."
"Recently in the news someone hadn't had their shotgun properly secured in their truck and it went off..."
"So I jokingly say, 'you're that f'king idiot who blew off his leg arent you?'"
"The whole bar gets quiet and everyone is mean mugging me."
"My regular starts laughing..."
"Yeah, it was him. I had no idea. I didn't apologize, because as his favorite a**hole bartender those comments were expected of me."
"Poor guy was only 20 couple and blew his leg off close to the hip. No idea how he survived."
Murder Plot
"I was a bartender for about two weeks (filling in for a relative who owned a bar and went on his honeymoon)."
"I heard a guy talking to a woman about murdering her husband. I called the cops, but these patrons were gone before they showed up. This was before cameras, so I just gave my story and that was it."
"Not long after, my uncle calls me saying the cops are looking for me. They interview me about the couple. Apparently, the guy was a hitman for hire and the woman was trying to get some insurance money. She got busted."
"It was actually an episode of 'Forensic Files' back when that was on TV. I remember watching the episode and they said something like 'the couple was overheard discussing the murder in a bar.' I was kind of upset that they didn't mention me. Lol. I was hoping for, 'The awesome bartender overheard them, but couldn't really tell us much. He also pointed at the male in the photo lineup and asked 'Is this him?' as if he was unsure. What a f"king dope.'"
"Edit 1: I spent half of the day reading the descriptions of every episode that's streaming on Netflix and watching the ones that seemed relevant. I didn't figure it out and I'm sorry, but I just don't know which episode it was. I recorded it on a VHS tape years ago, but don't know where that is either. I'm moving, so if I come across it, I'll edit this and let everyone know which one it was."
"Edit 2: As I recall, the hitman wasn't a professional by any means. I think the episode said he was just a local junkie who'd pretty much do anything for his next fix."
– Myzyri
Extremely Random
The following conversations were undoubtedly head-turners.
Poop-Blocked
"From a woman to her friend, 'I don't know about you but I just can't poop in a pink bathroom.'"
Proud Pecker
"Someone was boasting about his 'Very small penis! VERY TINY! LIKE MICRO!' he proceeds to lower his pants and show it to his friend 🤷♀️"
Couples
Passions are inflamed where alcohol is in the mix.
Ferris Wheel Payment
"A married couple in their fifties arguing how they were going to explain the fact they couldn't pay the remainder of the 3 million euro bill for a Ferris wheel they'd ordered 18 months ago, already put a million deposit on, and who's collection was due at 8am the following morning."
That's Amore
"Man and woman is sitting at the bar. She starts crying and says 'I just want us to have something special'. The guy looked her dead in the eyes and said 'we do have something special, we have sex. We are both married'. 10 minutes later they are making out and she's rubbing him over his pants. I loved slow Wednesdays."
I'm a cheap date.
So whenever I'm halfway through my first – and usually ONLY – glass of cab sav at a bar, I know I'm talking in a stream of consciousness and volunteering embarrassing personal information.
Once, I confided to all the patrons and staff at a bar in Barcelona, France, about my embarrassing college experience. And I apparently gave a wild performance when the DJ played Prince's "Kiss."
I'm still searching this subReddit to see if any of the comments might be referring to me.