We all know "those" people. They haunt us in the middle of the night and sour our daydreams. They make our career lives miserable..... you know those of who I speak... co-workers. The co-workers who do no work or work but can't shut up or just constantly leave you with a desire to die. And why is it these people never seem to be fired? They are there to test our human resolve. Don't fail. There are always going to be these people in our lives.Redditor u/drlqnr wanted to know who is that one person from work who will always haunt you by asking.... What's the worst coworker you've ever worked with?
The Chanel Bandit.Giphy
This is about 15 years ago but the office I worked in instituted a scent free policy. One woman, who was already insufferable, was so offended by it that she snuck in her perfume collection.
She'd walk down the halls and spray perfume into empty offices or cubicles when no one was looking or before everyone arrived in the morning.
This went on for well over a month or two and we had no idea who was responsible. My coworkers and I started referring to this mysterious person as the Chanel Bandit.
She was finally caught on camera in the act. She'd left for three weeks vacation and was unaware that we had installed cameras after a break in. Some of us already suspected her, as the Chanel Bandit mysteriously stopped spraying while she was away.
She quit right after she was caught. None of us were sad to see that cedar scented psycho leave. stoic_minotaur
I worked in childcare, and they had hired a new assistant/trainee teacher for my room (each room has 2 teachers). She just constantly argued about the dumbest crap, and always tried to argue with me about both company and state childcare policies because "that's dumb." Also was late every day her first week there. It all just started adding up until I was changing diapers and she was holding a 2 yr old child on her lap.
I see a child biting another child and say "you need to go help them" as I have a child in the middle of a very explosive poopy diaper change up on the changing table and can't leave him there obviously. She doesn't get up. I repeat it, and she says "Well I have this kid on my lap" so I say "take him off your lap". She responds "he's strong" like this grown adult is unable to move a 2 year old off her lap because of some weird super strength. Then the child bites the other child again and at that point I'm mad and tell her to get up and help them now.
She then proceeds to say "So what, I have to watch these 4 kids while you just have ONE up on the table?!" like I'm somehow supposed to have multiple children on the table at once to make her job of sitting on the floor making sure kids don't get bit twice in a row easier, and our ratios were 4:1 anyways. I finished my diaper change, stuck my head out the door to my supervisor and told her "get this lady out of my room" and they did after and wrote her up after reviewing the footage of the incident. She was fired for no call no showing the next week. I've worked with a lot of idiots in childcare but she was so crappy in such a short amount of time. ameliadenice
I have a coworker who's very old-fashioned and strongly believes that males and females cannot be friends. Well, it just so happens that my manager and I, a male and a female, happen to get along quite well because of our similar ages and interests. She reported me to the other managers for it and accused me of sleeping with him. rosatenena
3 Down for Daniel!Giphy
This guy named Daniel I used to work with at McDonald's in high school. He let everyone know he worked out and enjoyed being on the football team. He had this thing about taking 5 poops a day. He would walk by on his way back from the toilet, chest out, shoulders back and triumphantly announce "that's poop number 3!"... damn Daniel. KillerKackwurst4
I had a packager operator I worked with on the machine I run. He did okay but every Monday I would have to basically retrain him on the packager controls. I guess he had an excuse though because he had a TBI from a motorcycle wreck years before. Once I jogged his memory he did good for the rest of the week. weedful_things
I had a guy at work make a bunch of gross comments in a full break room. My husband was sitting in the break room waiting for me. Heard all of it, i walked right into HR and listed the 30 some people in this normally really quiet lunch room. That dude was so gross. Kantotheotter
"Top right corner, click on the straight line."
I worked with a guy who couldn't learn new skills. When he started he had to learn new programs and processes, just like anyone would at almost any job. He couldn't pick up on it, whether it was where to click in a software to get a certain result or how to fill out a report.
Everyone on my team took turns showing him the ropes and it never sunk in. I remember being so frustrated because he could not figure out how to minimize a window.
"Top right corner, click on the straight line." It took like 3-4 seconds for him to drag the mouse to the corner and then he'd hover around it but never on it.
Super nice guy, but impossible to work and collaborate with on projects because so much time was wasted. elevenghosts
I worked with someone in retail. He was my boss, and not a particularly bad guy, but he was a control freak who had to interject his opinion during every conversation anyone was having with a customer.
This also went as far as him being in the middle of helping someone himself, stopping helping that customer to lean over to my till to "help" me with my transaction even though there was no indication I needed help and had worked there for over 5 years.
This "help" would be in the form of him telling me what button to hit next on the till to telling a customer they were wrong to have any given opinion on a topic to telling customers that their choice of entertainment they were purchasing wasn't what they were after, even if they specifically came into the store for that specific item.
He was also laaaaazzzzy as hell! Not a bad guy, but holy hell do I not miss working with him. Mendunbar
Don't be like Dan.Giphy
His name was Dan. Dan was 37 working at a dead end job as a lab specimen processor in a windowless room for 9 hours a day. He ate only Burger King, but without the lettuce because that's "rabbit food." He drank literally a gallon of Mountain Dew a day, and was confused as to why people were horrified by that. "There's water in it" he would say. Apparently if he ate corn he would vomit and have to go to the hospital.
He would tell me he firmly believed that man and dinosaur roamed the earth at the same time, along with many other "theories" that came from his "gut." One day we got into a political argument before the 2016 election where he said "if Bernie Sanders is elected president, there will be a civil war, and I will not hesitate to kill you and your family." Dan was fired. I got out of there as soon as I could. Don't be like Dan. RedTiger013
My old supervisor. She was that special brand of "too nice." Laughing was her nervous tic and hoo boy it was CONSTANT. She was incapable of being assertive which is not the best quality for someone whose job is telling other people what to do. The best she could do was be passive-aggressively nice when she REALLY needed something done which just made everyone dislike her. ApocalypseWednesday
Don't talk to me....Giphy
My coworker likes to initiate conversations, then does long pauses where you go to say something back, then he cuts you off and keeps talking. He has entire conversations almost entirely by himself. He also likes to make changes to my paperwork before its turned in.... ends up riddled with spelling mistakes while he tries to make the content look smarter. Fortunately its all electronically stamped with who made revisions. inu_yasha
About the Boy....
Worked with a girl who would sometimes just lay in the floor and play on her phone. She would routinely flip out about something her boy friend did and just start screaming curse words, sometimes in front of customers. She was eventually fired for smoking weed while on the clock. AtlantaFieldClowns
I had a manager once who dumped trash on my desk my third day there. She said it was to remind me that taking out the trash was part of my job description (it wasn't, I was a research assistant at a mortgage firm). itkat16
Not necessarily a "co-worker" but my old supervisor literally told me not to think, even if it's wrong that I do things her way, and not to ask questions because I should already know what to do. I had just gotten the position. mutantandproud95
Fast food. Third shift. The only other employee stayed in the bathroom doing blow. MollyXDanger502
When I was an intern, there was this old shrew who would call people into her office (my cube shared a thin wall), gossip, then call those people in to tell them what was said, etc.
She would try to frame people for sh!t she did wrong. She was so arrogant. And she refused to adapt to workforce modernization. Example: she refused to learn how to hyperlink in emails, documents, etc. A real ray of sunshine she was! mandz_camz24
most crazy is a lady.....
I have several bad ones but the one that drives me the most crazy is a lady who creates problems just so she can solve them. Ugh. She takes a simple job, finds the one tiny issue, blows that up and freaks everyone out and then "solves" it so she can be the hero. Just take the 1 minute to fix the issue in the first place. It would save the literal hours she spends working everyone up so she can be their savior. SylkoZakurra
Being at Walmart.Giphy
My worst co-worker was one I worked with when I was a cashier at Walmart. She approached me and asked me to cash out her paycheck. I was still new at the job and never got training on how to do that function. She was sympathetic, so she walked me through how to do it. Transaction over and done, I go on about my day.
I get called back a couple of days later by my managers and they circled me in an office and accused me of stealing. After tears, video tapes, and telling them what happened they told me that apparently this coworker of mine had stolen not only from me, but several other people that day as well. They just wanted to confirm I wasn't in on the deal.
Forget Walmart, and forget that woman for almost getting me arrested. jellojock
I fired him that day.
Hired a cook on a good recommendation. He was just fine the first two weeks. Then I noticed food going missing. Then supplies started going missing. Then a customer told me that he had been adding auto 30% tips his food purchases. When I looked at the books, I saw that he had been adding 30% tips to ALL the credit card sales.
And the cash rings were off from what should have been sold. I fired him that day.
The next day he came in and apologized. Said he was on drugs and was going to rehab. I wished him well. Then next day he tried to break in after close and was caught. Idiot. Sirnando138
The HR manager at my last job had zero training, education or experience in HR. She was argumentative, passive aggressive and incompetent. Toward the end she asked me "Why are you being resistant?" and "You're not being a team player." when I was advocating for client safety. I was the second person in less than a year to leave and hire an attorney. miken322
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People have different levels of tolerance when it comes to profanity.
And some people can't stand the sound of rude or vulgar language so much that they can't bring themselves to say these naughty words themselves.
But when anyone reaches a high level of anger or frustration, they still might need a verbal outlet.
And instead find themselves coming up with an alternative word, which helps them release their anger, but won't offend any nearby ears.
Redditor No-Citron5628 was curious to hear people's favorite alternatives to curse words, leading them to ask:
"What is your best swear word alternative?"
"Oh neptune."- StrappinYoungZiltoid
The last thing you want to find in your bed!
Instead of rude, be educational!
"I said this instead of… other words once when I tripped and accidentally taught this to my nephew."
"Now my sister sends me videos of my nephew saying it when things don’t go his way."- YellowForest4Warning GIFGiphy
Think of the children!
"Not sure of an actual word, but my bf and I have been trying to limit cursing since my toddler is becoming very verbal."
"He’s resorted to making very angry yelling caveman sounds when he wants to curse someone out rather than using the actual words."- Present-Lime-1244
"I like, 'slug in a ditch'."- spiked_macaroonslug GIFGiphy
We can always learn a thing or two from the kids...
"A child in my class tries to swear but unintentionally says foot instead of f*ck."
"It's probably my favorite alternative."
"Wow, didn't expect this to get so much attention."
"Thank you for the award! "
"For those asking, he is a very tiny child with a deep yorkshire accent who actually picked up the word from another child but hasn't noticed he doesn't have the pronunciation quite right yet."
"Context wise though he's bang on which makes it even funnier."- sophishx
Just one word won't do!
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET, LARRY?!"
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?!"- KevinBillyStinkwater
Be mindful, it could backfire
"When my son was little he started saying bastard so I kept saying custard."
"Until the day he complained that we were having bananas and bastard again."- CheeryShortarseDoctor Who Snack GIF by BBC AmericaGiphy
Mother knows best.
"My mother always said, 'Curses!'"
"We, the kids, laugh about it all the time."- tenzip10-0
If you feel like you've sufficiently got your anger or frustration out of your system, your choice of words served their purpose.
Whether or not they would have to be bleeped out on network TV.
When we think of iconic movie quotes, there are several which come instantly to mind.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
"Love is never having to say you're sorry."
"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
Appropriately, the ones that might haunt us the most, are those delivered by villains, who linger in our memories not only by their creepy attire and presence but by their devious choice of words.
Frightening us long after the credits stop rolling.
Redditor N_the_character was eager to hear what the Reddit community considered the best quotes from both Hollywood's legendary villains, as well as some lesser-known antagonists from film, TV, and video games, leading them to ask:
"What's the most bada** villain quote?"
Benedict from Last Action Hero
"Benedict to youg Danny in 'Last Action Hero':"
"I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you."- S-Marktlast action hero art GIF by xponentialdesignGiphy
"Pirates are evil?"
"The Marines are righteous?"
"These terms have always changed throughout the course of history!"
"Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values!"
"Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right!"
"This very place is neutral ground!"
"Justice will prevail, you say?"
"But of course it will!"
"Whoever wins this war becomes justice!"- TimeisaLie
The Man with the Midas Touch...
"Goldfinger after Bond says 'Do you expect me to talk?'
"'No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die'."- Hunk_StudlyInterrupting GIF by James Bond 007Giphy
The Last Airbender's Azula
"Dai Li: 'You've beaten me at my own game'."
"Azula: 'Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player'."- herculesmeowlligan
Inigo Montoya, watch out!
"'Good Heavens, are you still trying to win?'"
"-the six fingered man."
Video game villains shouldn't be forgotten, ask Ghaul
“'You are not brave, you’ve merely forgotten the fear of death'."
"'Allow me to reacquaint you'.”- KentuckyBourbon94
The Good, the Bad, and the one-liners
"'When you have to shoot, shoot'."
"Tuco, 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'."- jpablo680
Whiterose of Mr. Robot
“'Because Phillip, I had to ask you twice'.”- Lontano64
The final frontier indeed...
"'A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place'."
"'To force them to acknowledge your greatness'."
"Gul Dukat, Deep Space Nine."- hamdingersDeep Space Nine Dislike GIF by Star TrekGiphy
A true villain will have you quaking in your boots with just one look.
But it's with their words that they really get you.
And how they instantly go from being merely villains, to legends.
Why can't people ask before they send graphic images?
And for the people who just send them willy-nilly...
Keep it decent, kids.
Redditor OhmMeGag wanted to hear about everyone's reactions to these types of photos. They asked:
"What's the best response to an unwanted d**k pic?"
Why are y'all STILL sending d**k pics in 2022? Like... decent.
Back at You...
"I read, I believe it was here on Reddit. This girl got an unsolicited d**k pic. So for her revenge, she sent penis pics back constantly. Big, small, anything she could find. This guy was telling her to stop, lol. She asked if he liked it."
“'Why does it look like that?' And answer none of their following texts."
"If you feel the need to respond, 'I'll ask my aunt, she's a nurse.'"
Are you Ok?
"When I was a teenager I had just gotten my first boyfriend, and back then nobody sent photos over text because camera phones weren't a common thing yet. Also texting cost a few cents per text. God, I feel old typing that out.
"I had never seen one before, so I panicked and said, 'Oh my god are you okay??' and he just like... got really sad because he thought I thought there was something wrong with the way it looked."
Send it Back
"What I used to do was take their profile picture and photoshop their face onto the head of their d**k and send it back. I never got a second d**k pic doing that lol."
"What she should do instead is make a public directory of unsolicited d**k pic offenders. Get the victim to edit their head on top, and then post it there with their number. Girls can then search their number to see if they've been a repeat offender in the past. Call the website the D**k Head."
SorryText Lol GIF by VTM.beGiphy
"'Oh hey, my ex had that disease too'"
I am loving the revenge response.
YuckAngry Oh No GIF by CBCGiphy
"Google 'genital warts' and send them back any of those images that come up."
"When I was a freshman in college I was home for Christmas break and the guy across the street, who was 4 years older than me and had recently moved back home, sent me one with the message that his family would be out of the house for a few hours if I wanted to come over."
"I knew him, we had lived on the same street for years, but it was completely out of the blue. I'm not even sure how he got my number. I had babysat his younger brother a few times however, which is why I had his mother's number. I took a screen shot of the message & pic and forwarded it to his mom, asking if she could please get Eric to stop sending me nudes."
"Why are you sending me a picture of your thumb?"
"So an old friend took a picture of his nuts**k and sent it to my husband as a joke. My husband genuinely responded 'Why did you send me a close up picture of your couch?' They had an old gray leather couch that had wrinkled over time."
"I know this sounds crazy, but I am a doctor and this might be cancer."
"Because I know they know I’m not a doctor- I say 'that spot looked weird so I sent it to my dad (he’s a doctor) and he said you should definitely go get check out' then don’t respond to any other messages."
"Note- my dad is in fact, not a doctor, and of course don’t forward my father d**k picks. But I very much enjoy the panic from an a** that 1) I sent his penis pic to my dad and 2) that there’s something wrong with his junk."
"Share a penis enlargement ad."
Stop sending these types of pics unsolicited. It's gross. The end.
People say the darndest and nastiest things pretty often.
I feel like I would prefer someone who doesn't realize it because the alternative is evil.
Saying inappropriate things on purpose involves malicious intent.
No matter... wrong is wrong.
Watch your mouth.
Redditor Ok_Context_7495 wanted to know what sort of nonsense has fallen out of other people's mouths, that left us shook. They asked:
"What’s the most messed up/inappropriate thing that someone’s casually said to you?"
I have been left, fainted on the floor with some of the things I've head people say. It can be funny, but still cruel.
OuchShannyn Sossamon Cringe GIFGiphy
"Your brother is only nice to you because he's not threatened by you or your partner. If you were successful and she were pretty, he wouldn't be nice to either of you. - Mom"
"My mom died of cancer when I was 2. When I was roughly 6, my older siblings told me that my mom and I were playing in the front yard and I kicked a ball into the road and when she went to get it she got hit by a garbage truck and that’s how she died. I didn’t find out the truth til a few years later. Odd that I have 0 relationship with my family now."
"I had a miscarriage where the baby was 'absorbed' and all that was left in the uterus was the gestational sac. I got pregnant again and when I told my neighbor she said, 'So are you actually pregnant this time?' Yes, a**hole. I am pregnant this time and I was actually pregnant last time. Unfortunately I just said yes and went in the house."
"It hurt a lot when my mom would get drunk and cry to me that she wishes I had passed away instead of my father. It hurt a lot more when she said it offhandedly and sober though. I'm okay now, but I was only seven. I didn't deserve that crap."
"You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry you had to live through this. Parents are supported to protect you, but they can also hurt you the most. Wish you all the best!"
Lucky YouHow-To Beauty GIF by SephoraGiphy
“'People don’t take me seriously because I’m pretty. You’re so lucky not to have that problem.'"
Some people need a punch in the face.
Deep HateWizard Of Oz Comedy GIFGiphy
"My ex-wife, 'Everyone hates you, they can't stand being around you.' Never could figure out why she said that. 30 years later, I'm still friends with the people that supposedly hated me."
"You look like a fat leek"
"My nan's sister, at our first meeting, said to 14 year old me: 'You look like a fat leek' (but in Dutch). I was flabbergasted. Fun fact. When she died a couple of years ago, during the funeral, her daughter gave a speech and told a LOT of secrets about how her mum was a total b**ch and narcissist , abused her and made her life a living hell. The whole church was in shock and they sort of canceled the funeral due to all the consternation."
See the Art
“'I can’t wait for you to be blind, your art gets better and better.'”
"I am SEVERELY visually impaired, losing my vision to a degenerative disease. I am an artist. I paint and create work with themes sometimes relevant to my vision loss. Someone I knew said this to me, in front of a group of people at dinner 2 years ago. I was 32 at the time."
I think I was 11?
"I had a dentist say that I 'needed to work on that for when I had a boyfriend' when I was gagging during whatever the hell he was doing. I think I was 11? I did not understand it at all until I was much older and saw like the second episode of Glee where a gag reflex comment is made, I asked my mum about it and she explained and I was like 'ohhh... Ohhh is that why (dentist) said this?' She was not thrilled that I'd waited so long to tell her."
"Middle of a grocery store. I’m 18 or 19. A man 50+ years old walks up to me, puts his arm around my shoulders, stares down at my breasts, and says, 'Damn, girl, can you see your feet?'"
Some people really need an electric shock collar as a sensor.